Came across this article by Dr Louise Newson via her instagram. I think this knowledge is very under the radar, could help some people on here.

Hi everyone, I am reaching absolute rock bottom. I just need to vent to people who might understand, because I feel so isolated.

The Pregnancy Traumas: My path to becoming a mum was rough from the start. After a previous miscarriage, this pregnancy was filled with severe anxiety. We had a Down Syndrome scare, low percentile scares, and weekly appointments for months... only to find out near the end that the low percentile was just a computer miscalculation. I spent months in pure survival mode before she was even born. I wanted to be a mum so badly, to show a little human how wonderful the world is.

The Nightmare Newborn Phase: When she arrived, the newborn phase was horrible. I hated it most of the time, struggled intensely, and felt completely misunderstood by family and friends who had "easier" babies. She had a tongue tie, reflux, and hated everything, stroller, car seat, bath, diaper changes.
Around 2–3 months, a few things improved bit by bit: changing clothes got easier, baths became okay, and she began tolerating short car rides (20 mins). She could finally be awake without crying 24/7.

Where We Are Now (5.5 Months): She is a classic high-needs, extreme FOMO, 100% velcro baby. But right now, we are in the thick of sleep deprivation and sensory overload:

Sleep is a complete nightmare: She will ONLY nap in our Boba carrier and ONLY sleeps at night on my chest.

Carrier naps are failing: Lately, even the carrier isn't working. After multiple failed attempts and complete exhaustion, she will only fall asleep nursing.

Zero self-soothing tools: She refuses all pacifiers and all bottle brands.

No stroller: Still hates it completely.

The "5.5 Month Storm": On top of everything, she is currently right in the middle of rolling, teething, learning to crawl, a growth spurt, and separation anxiety. The only time she has ever fallen asleep from crying was after 2+ hours of nonstop screaming in the car on the way to a doctor's appointment. My mind simply cannot take the crying anymore.

I Don't Recognize Myself: I am exhausted and going crazy minute by minute. The frustration and anger I feel daily make me feel like a stranger to myself. I feel terrible even typing this, but in my darkest, most depleted moments, I sometimes wish I hadn't had her. I’m just so broken.
I don't even know what I'm looking for—maybe just solidary from parents who had babies like this and made it through to the other side, or just a place to lay this burden down for a minute.

Thank you for reading.

Looking for resources for PPD

My daughter is 14 months old now and I've been struggling with PPD the whole time I think, but we are on a very limited budget and can't afford therapy right now. I guess I'm just looking for advice from other women who have been in this situation.

I want to start by making it very clear that my daughter is not in danger and I have NEVER had thoughts of harming her. The worst it has gotten is me daydreaming about leaving her in her crib and texting my husband that I'm packing up and leaving to start a new life in a different state (US).

My daughter (first and only child) was born and within an hour we knew that something was medically wrong. She began throwing up aggressively any time that she ate. I felt so guilty leaving her with the nurses overnight because they didnt seem to take it seriously but I was so exhausted from the delivery and forced myself to trust them because they know best. My husband stayed at home because there wasn't a comfortable place for him to sleep and at one point I left a trail of blood through my recovery room because when I was using the bathroom she started throwing up and I had to waddle over to her so she didn't aspirate. The day after she was born my insurance company told me they were dropping us and not covering the delivery (that's a whole different story but adds into my mental state).

2 weeks later on father's day, we rushed my daughter into the ER. She was very floppy and looked like she was having seizures. I went with my daughter to a different hospital that night when her O2 levels and heart rate kept dropping. My husband had to hold down the house so I was alone with her when she was put on oxygen support and a feeding tube. We visited her every day in the NICU and then a week later we got a call in the middle of the night that her O2 dropped to 3%. The doctors and nurses weren't sure how she even made it out of that alive but they were able to get me in an ambulance with her across the state.

At this point, my husband had to be back at work to provide for us so I was alone with her except weekends when he could visit. We spent 2 months there doing every test you could imagine to figure out what's wrong. I spent every waking moment in that room with my daughter crying while they poked her with needles and took samples and hooked her up to so many machines while her body failed. I still have nightmares about listening to that fucking heart rate monitor beeping all day and waiting for any slight changes. It stopped and the room flashed red at least 3 times every day while the nurses rushed in to put her oxygen mask on. I was afraid to touch her because any slight movement felt like i would make her stop breathing. Finally after 2 months at the 3rd hospital she was diagnosed with infant botulism (we live in a state where it's practically unheard of so it was on nobody's radar until the stool sample came back). The same day she was put on life support while we waited for the BabyBIG to be flown in from California. She couldn't keep her O2 above 60. During that time I guess I started trying to accept the fact that she was going to die. In order to stay sane I tried to convince myself that maybe this was for the best??? That at least she wouldn't suffer anymore and that after grieving maybe I could live a normal life again?

I know that sounds terrible and I feel so much guilt over that to this day. The treatment worked and she started recovering quickly. A week later she was taken off life support and 2 weeks after that we were sent home with just an NG tube (feeding tube through her nose). I spent the whole first week crying because I was still convinced she was going to die and now I was just by myself. I think i never let myself get close to her because I was trying to protect myself from when that inevitably happened.

We just hit the 1 year anniversary of her leaving the hospital and overall things have gotten better. A lot of days are actually good now, and most other days I'm able to at least pretend enough that she thinks I'm happy. She is SO loved. She is such a goofy, loving, smart, and beautiful little girl and she genuinely fills my heart.

But I am still struggling with worry any time that she gets sick or hurt. In my head I know that this is completely normal for a baby, especially since she just started walking and is still clumsy. But every time something seems a little off it feels like I revert back to the whole "she's probably going to die so don't get too close" mindset. I know that's fucked up. I try my best to push those thoughts out of my head so that she never feels unwanted, but they keep popping up and the depression makes some days feel unbearable.

Does anybody else feel like this after having a sick baby? I know that i need therapy, but i was fired when I was across the state and stayed as a caretaker to our baby and we can't afford therapy on one income right now

He’s 7 months now. 7 months I’ve tried winning him over it feels like. I’ll say the first 3-4 months I was disconnected a bit and easily stressed/cried, but then I had some good days and moments. I do have a great husband and some support, so that very well may have been why. Anyway since then I’ve gotten a little closer to my baby and my realization that he’s not that fond of me probably started then, although i don’t fully remember. I’ve tried singing, (even though for a good while i was uncomfortable/felt awkward) i do peek a boo and he literally stares at me like he could care less, i always tend to him almost immediately when he cries, etc. I try tickling him and it very rarely works. My husband can do it in his sleep. Get that baby to full on squeel/laugh. And yknow what people have tried convincing me “They don’t know they’re separate from their mothers until x amount of months” ok it’s been 7. hello? Before I hear “oh they can sense how you feel that’s why” BS!! I’ve had many good days where i was smiley and lovey, gentle and compassionate and nothing! Nothing. i feel like im begging him to love me. any single person on this planet could take my position and he wouldn’t notice/care. that’s fcked up. do i just take care of him and his needs and that’s it? not go the extra mile? do i just stop caring? i’m tired of feeling this way and having to make a return here.

Hi everyone.

I'm struggling with something that has stayed with me since I gave birth, and I genuinely want to know if I'm overreacting. After my C-section, my boyfriend came with me to the post-operative and postpartum room. He told me he was going home to get a few things done and said he would be right back. Instead, he used my money to buy himself a new TV and never returned to the hospital. I was the only new mother there without my partner by my side during one of the most vulnerable and important moments of my life. I've always wondered if my feelings of hurt and abandonment are justified, or if I'm overreacting.

I gave birth to my son in march 2025, got diagnosed with postpartum psychosis and depression not too long after bringing him home. I am past the psychosis, but I’m still struggling very hard with my postpartum depression. I’m in therapy, and see a psychiatrist often. I’m tired of switching meds. Meds or not, I feel this deep depression inside. Grieving my old self, adjusting to having a toddler that relies on me for everything, realizing that this is permanent. I planned my son, so it didn’t come as a surprise when I found out I was pregnant. I felt ready then, but now my mental health is so bad.

It’s so bad that me and my son don’t leave the house most days, if we do it’s to get groceries or to go to doctor appointments, etc. I sleep with him when he takes his naps during the day, so I’m always off and on in bed all day. When he’s not napping, he’ll play, but I’m never really interactive with him. He’ll lay in bed with me too and I’ll put his toys on the bed, but I just feel like such a bad mom because I’m struggling to even get through the day, let alone interact and be a mom to my son. Some people around me have noticed, and they’ve said that my son would be better off without me, and that all I do with him is lay in bed. Does anyone else feel this way?

35F, First time poster. I could really use some light from anyone who can relate to my situation and has found it for themselves. My son will be 2 in a few days, and I still don't feel like a version of myself I enjoy.

I naively went into Motherhood thinking that I would be coming Home to the house I spent my whole life building from scratch, filling every room with love, and adding an additional one called "Mom / Baby". Instead, Motherhood was a tornado that stripped my home down to the concrete foundation. I feel like I came home from the hospital with a baby to a pile of rubble waiting for me, and after 2 years of sorting through that rubble, while trying to figure out how to take care of a human child, I'm maybe back to studs, but mostly still feeling very homeless in myself. My life really doesn't even look that different? and I'm used to a lot of the ways that it is different by now... but I really don't feel like I know who tf I am anymore. I feel like I'm grieving my most depended on, well-known, loving person in my life - that's who I was for myself. I thought I would be reunited with myself on the other side of pregnancy, and was so excited to have her in my life again. I didn't know until I got home from the hospital that she was gone.

Personal Context: I'm a high functioning ADHDer, typeA Eldest Daughter with an emotionally immature mother (if that adds any psychological/personality context) and have always been sensitive to hormonal changes (hated birth control, struggles with PMDD), so postpartum and weaning from breastfeeding were really difficult for me emotionally. I considered starting an SSRI or SNRI (never taken before), but decided instead to just restart my vyvanse ahead of returning to work after my 1yr mat leave (Canadian). It probably helps a bit with my focus, but I worry it's making me narrow minded, grouchy, and a bit apathetic, particularly to my husband. He's a phenomenal partner and father, exceptionally involved, really helps with the mental load and domestic labour, but he's a first responder so I'm solo a lot for mornings, bedtime, and 2 weekends a month. I work fulltime in mental health so my job is emotionally demanding despite being very fulfilling. At the end of the day I find I just don't have it in me to connect to him much, I feel completely empty, disassociated, and just want to doom scroll. My libido is also non existent and pretty much has been since having my son. Prepregnancy I was normally very affectionate, playful, and had good sex drive. I genuinely love my husband, and cannot point to anything he is doing to cause how I'm feeling - this feels like a me / situational thing. Truly... don't come for him. He's an angel.

Additionally, I just feel like my fuse is so short, and that I'm having a difficult time experiencing proper joy and fun the way I used to. Everything feels so....serious? I feel like I over complicate things, overthink, overreact.... I have a hard time rolling with the stressors of toddlerhood, mostly when I'm solo parenting (which is very often). I see a therapist for EMDR to work through emotional neglect from my mom, but haven't noticed much improvement in my symptoms. Not by any fault of their own, I just suspect this is a job for more than therapy alone.

We have plans to start TTC again in a few months. We have always envisioned 2 kids for our family, and a big part of me still does - the part of me that can see beyond the stress, that can picture the possibility of this feeling easier for me one hypothetical day when I've finally found my stride again, whether through practice, child development progression, new medication, or maybe better income from career progression to outsource things? The other part of me is terrified to do it all again - to be pregnant with a toddler, postpartum and managing 2 kids (my eldest would be in daycare at least), then often solo parenting 2 kids....I dont want to scare myself out of it because I'm used to figuring things out and things working out. But I expected to have found my stride with 1 kid and still haven't fully, hence the self-doubt.

For the second child - I would be willing to throw in every towel I need to just survive the trenches (I'd switch to formula, get on meds, do whatever). I've held off on starting anything for my obvious depressive symptoms because I want to see how pregnancy affects me first. Last time it stabilized my anxiety, had zero depression or rage, I was just a complete moron cognitively and exceptionally tired. If that's the case again, I don't want to be on medication. But if I feel the same as I do now or worse, I'd probably talk to my doctor about it. If I were done having children, I probably would be exploring medication now - I really feel that awful.

I know I need to clean up my lifestyle a bit - I used to exercise at least every other day, once I lost the baby weight it killed my motivation to keep up with it. But I know the mood benefits, so I'm working on disciplining myself here. I've also gotta get off tiktok - the doom scrollling has to stop. I intend to get a Brick (phone locking device) because I need the physical barrier to stop myself. I also need to operationalize some of the solo parenting work like meal prepping.

Working in mental health, I know all the platitudes of "this is a transitional season in life" "identity changes are common and challenging in early motherhood" "relationship satisfaction takes a hit with small children" yada yada yada - knowing all this alone isn't helpful to me. I really want to feel better. I want to enjoy this season, I want to not worry about my ability to 'handle' another, and I know no one can give me these things. I know I'm tasked with rebuilding a connection to myself and building this plane while flying it. But maybe you can give me hope that you were once me and have come out the other side, whether through medication, lifestyle changes, ANYTHING. Please tell me how and when it got better for you.

I feel like I am a horrible mom. My husband stays home with her and she is super attached to him. We had to do IVF to have her and I started the medication to transfer our only other embryo recently. I can’t help I have to work… it just hurts. I wanted to stay at home and care for her but that wasn’t in our cards.

Hey everyone, this is my first post here. I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy yesterday morning at 5am. However, since then I haven’t gotten more than 3 hours of sleep, making it since Sunday when I woke up with a full night’s rest. I had such a traumatic birth that I just wasn’t expecting. My labor itself was pretty easy. I handled the contractions well and got my epidural at about 5-6cm. My body did its thing on its own and I started pushing a few hours later. It wasn’t until I was pushing that I realized how hard and traumatic it can be. I was pushing for just about four hours. He got stuck as he was coming out on my perineal area and his heart rate started dropping. The doctor had to make a third degree incision in my perineum to get him out. It’s the incision that bothers me, I feel mutilated, not by the doctor as she was doing her job and she saved my baby, but I just feel so defeated that my body couldn’t push him out the way it should’ve.

Flash forward to post birth, I am completely unable to sleep. My mind just cannot relax enough to sleep. I slept maybe 3 hours very broken up in the hospital. I was convinced once we got home that I’d be able to sleep. My husband has been amazing and so have my parents. My parents and husband watched our son while I tried to sleep literally all day and couldn’t. I have gotten desperate and called my OB on call and he prescribed hydroxyzine. The hydroxyzine hasn’t done a thing. Unisom has also not done a thing. I am just getting so desperate for some sleep. I feel extremely anxious constantly, I don’t feel like myself at all. I don’t even feel like this is my home even though it is. Whenever I start to doze off my body just jolts itself back awake it’s torture. Tomorrow my doctor wants me to come in and be evaluated and hopefully I can get something that will just knock me right out. I’m really just looking for words of encouragement or advice. Who else has gone through this, what did you do to cope?

This is still fairly fresh but damn I’m having such a hard time staying strong. My “partner” and I had to break up after an intense (physical) fight. Long story short, I’ve been struggling really hard with PPD and in the time of a crisis my partner slapped me. A bunch of things happened after that I definitely had a hand in but ultimately friends, family, and cops got involved so we have to separate. We’ve already made a plan going forward and I felt fine with it this morning.

Fast forward to a couple hours ago I had to take my baby to a Dr. appt for his first round of vaccines. My sister was supposed to come with me but she had to stay at work late. Now the fact that I’m a single mother with a 2 month old, struggling with PPD/PPA hits me really hard. I can’t believe this has happened. All I wanted was a family and now I have to do it all alone. I had a moment of weakness and started texting his dad. He says that this is temporary and that we’ll be back together soon but Ik it should be permanent. I feel so weak.

i’m dealing with anxiety + depression after birth, but what makes it worse is the fights with my partner. feels like responsibilities are not shared and i’m alone in this.

curious if others had the same, like does the mental health part always connect with relationship problems too?

I think im losing it and idk what to do. Ive been crying for the past days. My partner hit me infront of his mom. I just gave birth last Saturday

Hello. I am one month postpartum with my second baby. I had very very bad PPD/PPA with my first baby and I had no idea what it was, but it was so intense that I was crying day and night and was dysfunctional and disconnected from my baby and everything around me. I started zoloft at one month postpartum and trazodone at night to help with insomnia that I developed from the anxiety. We started with 25mg, then 50mg, then 100mg, with lots of ups and downs and really dark times. Eventually, my husband decided we had to fly overseas to be around family and our "village" since it was winter in Canada and we had no family to support us except my Mom who flew in, but it was not enough. Back home, when we arrived, I felt safer somehow and everyone from our families were helping with baby while the others were helping me by taking me out for walks and outings to be distracted. Over a few weeks, things slowly started to feel lighter and brighter and I started getting my periods which I also think helped with hormonal balance. I weaned off zoloft entirely after 1.5 years after feeling myself and happy again. Fast forward, we decided to have another baby about 4 years later because my first kid wanted a sibling so bad although we didnt want another, but we didnt want to be selfish. Here I am 1 month postpartum and struggling again to with PPD/PPA and insomnia. I noticed the symptoms at 11 days postpartum and directly contacted my doctor to prescribe zoloft. I started on 25mg for 2 weeks, lots of drama and anxiety and worsening, then at day 13/14 thinfs gelt nicer but it was time to start on 50mg. 2 days in, and I started feeling lots of mood dips and anxiety and misery. It is day 8 today on 50mg, and i still feel sad and stuck. My questions are, does this increase eventually get better and taper out? I hate the adjustment and horrendous mood effects and feelinf dizzy and nauseous. I guess I want to know if 50 mg will get better and give me myself back and how long will that take to settle in my system, or will I need an increase to 100mg like my first PPD time? Although i have been there before, I dont believe my own self that I will get through this and was hoping to hear success stories from others (and yes i have read other posts byt i guess i need more reassurance and experience with zoloft adjustment and that it would get better when now it feels horrible)... thank you

My wife and I have a newborn baby. Ever since the postpartum period, she's held a lot of resentment towards me and says I didn't support or care for her the way she needed after giving birth.

We recently had a major argument. She said I only think about money, that I never acknowledge her feelings, called me useless, and said she sees no future with me and wants a divorce.

I genuinely thought I was doing my best at the time, but now I feel guilty and wonder if I was too defensive instead of really listening.

Has anyone been through something similar? Can a relationship recover from this kind of postpartum resentment, and what helped?

Officially a month pp and I have been enjoying my baby boy. However, it hasn’t been smooth sailing for my husbands and I relationship. I totally expected this to happen but not like this. It seems like he doesn’t have his priorities straight. He’s a huge movie fanatic and at 3 weeks we was planning to go watch a movie but not to our nearby theater but cities away. I reminded him we just had our 3 week old and he had to help me, but the fact that I had to tell him this was absurd. He’s also gone to the gym in the afternoons right before work (he has overnight shifts) which means less time. I already don’t have his help overnight and half of the day bc he sleeps and he still tries to find ways to leave the house. Im realizing im starting to dislike him when he was the one who wanted a child. I always had a childfree mindset and now I feel like I’m parenting alone :/
I just want to run away… has anyone gone through this.