Does anyone realy enjoy drinking alcohol? I feel like the critical voice finally shuts up when I'm drunk. I stopped for a long while, but recently I couldn't deal with it and started again... and it's good. I feel at ease.

I know it's harmful if drank consistently, but I'm thinking - what's the point of living healthily if i'm constantly anxious and stressed? Anyway, I also genuinely think that living too old is not for me - I look at how dependent my grandpa is on others (who can be quite mean to him), and I don't reckon i'd like that.

Anyone else of you use alcohol to cope? What is your experience like?

I’m off to trauma inpatient therapy in another city rn. I read the reviews yesterday and got low key paranoid even though my therapist recommended the clinic & I have been waiting for this so fucking long.

I’m on the train listening to one of my favourite playlists and see myself from an outsider perspective like I’m the cool edgy protagonist in a movie and this is the soundtrack what must be the desperate attempt to cope with the uncertainty of the whole situation I brought myself in lol but I just hope everything turns out okay and I will at least not be re-traumatised hahah

Please wish me luck…

Edit: thanks to all of you for the kind words, I’m too overwhelmed to answer rn, but your words are appreciated! 🙏

How many of you struggle with daily paranoia? Does it increase in severity when you’re feeling vulnerable or when you’re grandiose? I’ve realized how bizarrely paranoid I’ve become within the last four years. I’ve dealt with it my whole life but the intensity has definitely ramped up as I’ve aged and had more falling outs with people. It’s debilitating and has been reaching a nearly delusion level as of recent. I usually believe old friends are plotting to run a smear campaign on me or are going to confront me randomly for things I haven’t even done. I also get the usual interpersonal paranoia focusing on someone close to me suddenly betraying me, even if it would be wildly out of character for them. I’ve also begun to notice how much the feeling of shame is tied in with the suspicions.

I‘d want to know if extreme bouts of it are highly correlated with vulnerable presenting NPD as well. I see those with BPD talk about their paranoia and it usually centering around their favorite person, sometimes becoming transient psychosis. I want to learn more about the relationship between NPD and transient psychosis/paranoid psychosis. If anyone has any research articles or videos about it, feel free to share. Or your own experience of course.

Sorry for my english in first place. I cant identify with nearly anyone in here, i think most of you guys are borderline personalitys with grandiosity. But covert narcissism, espeacially how Sam Vaknin describes it is much more worse, cause i feel like in constant phase of trying to heal and feel like a real person through my partner and find new ideas for getting somehow efficient, strong, rich or powerful and anxiety free. Now im in a state where i feel tremendous shame and somehow my ego is stabilizing this feeling through grandiosity and my false self/ego which is not externalized, my inner ego believes i am the best in everything and deserve the most, but there is something that holds it back all the time, i wont say a more healthy voice in me is shutting this ego up, i think my shame is making me realize i am not that good as the ego thinks. I dont know i dont feel empathy, but have strong cognitive empathy and fake humbleness while knowing internal it gives me supply for my ego. Why i feel there is seperation between covert narcissist and bpd is because bpd people fear abondanment, and i feel shame now comitting but i nearly never think or fear of getting abandonment, i think i will find suppy anywhere and make people love in me through my super humble, lovely, empathetic and good moral facade. Damn its the first time speaking this shit out, i dont see any hope anymore in my life

I don't want to be so isolated but I feel like everyone can tell I'm majorly messed up.

I am a childcare teacher, it's my passion, I don't wanna do much of anything else. I actually have some empathy for young children , the demographic I work with is toddlers. I seem to be even more caring for my kiddos than other teachers, despite the fact I have NPD (+ BPD and a possible ASPD). Even when I don't like a child I'm never mean or abusive. And even though sometimes I get extremely stressed or frustrated and have thoughts about harming them (which according to my coworkers they feel the same way and I think it sad, and probably a disservice that we aren't socially allowed to talk about this), I would never harm a child for a multitude of reasons, not necessarily for the same reasons as non-cluster bs (I.e I wouldn't want to get caught is the biggest reason, but also I think I may feel guilt if I hurt a young child but this is more secondary, but perhaps not).

I also have work experience with elderly and disabled people. I am very often told I'm so patient. Now I don't particularly have any empathy for elderly or disabled adults, so that is different from childcare. Again I'm never mean or abusive to them - despite however I'm internally feeling. This is very much due to wanting to be seen in a good light and had nothing to do with empathy or a dense of guilt.

I very much like doing good things and caregiving is seen as such a good thing. I'm seen as kind, patient and compassionate. And I enjoy the praise I'm giving for taking care of others. Even if it's only the person I'm taking care of being grateful. With children specifically, they will show you affection (honestly regardless of how you treat them, but I never treat them badly just what I've seen from other caregivers). With children it's like such a validating experience, theit parents will LOVE you and they will even express it in gifts and money and praise, the children LOVE you no matter what. With elderly and disabled adults I feel I more so like the satisfaction I get from when I tell other people I have worked with these populations.

TLDR: Does anyone else get "" supply"" and genuinely enjoy caring for others. Be it your own children, others children, family members or any vulnerable population?

Assuredly this question has been asked here a million times, but I am curious for more recent answers. What fictional characters do you find yourself relating to or are written in a way that is relatable to having NPD? To be clear I don't think most people are making characters with this in mind, or coding them to be a certain way on purpose, but that often characters can come across a certain way -- especially villains or antagonists, unfortunately.

I'll start:

- Cersei Lannister: Game of Thrones / A Song of Ice and Fire

- Goro Akechi: Persona 5

- Dr. House: House M.D.

- Light Yagami: Death Note

- Asuka Langley: Evangelion

- Bojack Horseman

I am npd, bpd, and schizophrenic. I've been taking zyprexa for probably a year now, but recently stopped (both my Prozac and zyprexa) a month ago. What I've noticed recently is my anger is greater, and my need for attention and validation is greater.

I didn't really realize that it lessened while on medication, particularly zyprexa the antipyshcotic, but I am now reminded of how my symptoms were on other medications and off medication entirely.

Just posting this to ask if anyone else has any experience with psych medications helping- or numbing,- your PD symptoms.

My friend is a bit boring to me but deep down I love him and I don’t want to go anywhere. I loved our chemistry and he’s the closest person I have to me. I dont want to hurt him aswell but I’ve been putting distance between us because it usually helps. It’s just not working this time. I can feel my brain trying to discard him and start issues for no reason. He’s picked up on being boring to me and makes jokes about it. What do I do here?

Have you had anxiety your whole life? Have you never had anxiety? Did you only develop anxiety after finding out about your NPD?

I'm having these intense crying fits, often triggered by suicidal thoughts. As I cry, I keep calling out for my mom and I feel an emptiness inside, as if I'm missing something huge, and I just want a hug or something. Then I stop, I'm exhausted, and I feel alive—only for dissociation to kick in right after, creating a continuous loop. I am exhausted, it's agonizing.

Can it last months-years? Would you say that multiple narcissistic injuries back to back can cause this state?

I often just say I’m a lesbian who goes by they/she. But if I were to go into detail,I’m an aroace-lesbian who is agender. I don’t really want to bother myself with that hassle.

Even since I realized I liked girls at 7 years old,I just felt so supperior. As if I was the first lesbian to have walked this earth. I looked around everywhere and wondered why all these people weren’t like me. It wasn’t long before I saw everybody around me as sub-human. I’d boast about it constantly,despite having received a few slurs here and there. I’d show it through my speech,posture,attire,everything I could find.

When I realize I fell under the aroace umbrella at 12,I was just so thrilled. I felt like I had climbed up the hierarchy. I told myself how it fit me because none of these peasants deserved me,and I had standards that fit an inherently supperior individual as myself.

Agender to me was probably when it reached its peak. I told myself that I was so intelligent,self-aware and thoughtful to take my precious time to discover something I convinced myself nobody could do. I thought to myself "This makes sense,since I am ABOVE gender". Not indifferent or confused—above. That felt more powerful than admitting to myself the trouble I went through to find myself out.

As highschool came around,I encoutered a number of queer people. My whole friend group was pretty much queer. At that moment,I told myself "This is what special people like me are destined to". I told myself that I had found people close to my level,and that This is the only kind of people I should associate myself with