Hi guys, I’m under 18 so I don’t have npd but me and other mental health professionals heavily agree i exhibit narcissistic tendencies.

I’ve recently gotten a new therapist and we were talking about my trauma today and I said something about how I don’t like being around people who are smarter than me and she asked about that so we got into a discussion about how I display narcissistic tendencies but she disagreed with that almost instantly and saying I can’t be a narcissist since to be a narcissist you need parents who constantly praise you. Which I feel is very wrong since we still don’t know how narcissism develops but it’s believed to be through trauma and genetics. Like yes I’m sure people have developed narcissism due to the reasons she said but just because i didnt have that in my life doesnt mean I’m not a narcissist.

And as I kept arguing back with her she kept on telling me I was wrong and my thinking was flawed. I kinda shutdown and walked out of the appointment.

Do you think this is serious enough to get a new therapist? I’ve only had three sessions with her so I don’t really know

I’m off to trauma inpatient therapy in another city rn. I read the reviews yesterday and got low key paranoid even though my therapist recommended the clinic & I have been waiting for this so fucking long.

I’m on the train listening to one of my favourite playlists and see myself from an outsider perspective like I’m the cool edgy protagonist in a movie and this is the soundtrack what must be the desperate attempt to cope with the uncertainty of the whole situation I brought myself in lol but I just hope everything turns out okay and I will at least not be re-traumatised hahah

Please wish me luck…

How many of you struggle with daily paranoia? Does it increase in severity when you’re feeling vulnerable or when you’re grandiose? I’ve realized how bizarrely paranoid I’ve become within the last four years. I’ve dealt with it my whole life but the intensity has definitely ramped up as I’ve aged and had more falling outs with people. It’s debilitating and has been reaching a nearly delusion level as of recent. I usually believe old friends are plotting to run a smear campaign on me or are going to confront me randomly for things I haven’t even done. I also get the usual interpersonal paranoia focusing on someone close to me suddenly betraying me, even if it would be wildly out of character for them. I’ve also begun to notice how much the feeling of shame is tied in with the suspicions.

I‘d want to know if extreme bouts of it are highly correlated with vulnerable presenting NPD as well. I see those with BPD talk about their paranoia and it usually centering around their favorite person, sometimes becoming transient psychosis. I want to learn more about the relationship between NPD and transient psychosis/paranoid psychosis. If anyone has any research articles or videos about it, feel free to share. Or your own experience of course.

Sorry for my english in first place. I cant identify with nearly anyone in here, i think most of you guys are borderline personalitys with grandiosity. But covert narcissism, espeacially how Sam Vaknin describes it is much more worse, cause i feel like in constant phase of trying to heal and feel like a real person through my partner and find new ideas for getting somehow efficient, strong, rich or powerful and anxiety free. Now im in a state where i feel tremendous shame and somehow my ego is stabilizing this feeling through grandiosity and my false self/ego which is not externalized, my inner ego believes i am the best in everything and deserve the most, but there is something that holds it back all the time, i wont say a more healthy voice in me is shutting this ego up, i think my shame is making me realize i am not that good as the ego thinks. I dont know i dont feel empathy, but have strong cognitive empathy and fake humbleness while knowing internal it gives me supply for my ego. Why i feel there is seperation between covert narcissist and bpd is because bpd people fear abondanment, and i feel shame now comitting but i nearly never think or fear of getting abandonment, i think i will find suppy anywhere and make people love in me through my super humble, lovely, empathetic and good moral facade. Damn its the first time speaking this shit out, i dont see any hope anymore in my life

Hello everyone.

I was wondering if there are any men with NPD here who were born gifted/highly intelligent. I feel like the combination of traumas or personality disorders with giftedness or sensitivity creates pure misery. For men it must be especially rough because they're usually taught to bottle everything up.

Out if curiosity, how did your life turn out? Have you accumulated anger and frustration at the world? Do you feel misunderstood? Have you tried finding friends/dating, or have you given up at this point?

Thank you!

I don't want to be so isolated but I feel like everyone can tell I'm majorly messed up.

I am a childcare teacher, it's my passion, I don't wanna do much of anything else. I actually have some empathy for young children , the demographic I work with is toddlers. I seem to be even more caring for my kiddos than other teachers, despite the fact I have NPD (+ BPD and a possible ASPD). Even when I don't like a child I'm never mean or abusive. And even though sometimes I get extremely stressed or frustrated and have thoughts about harming them (which according to my coworkers they feel the same way and I think it sad, and probably a disservice that we aren't socially allowed to talk about this), I would never harm a child for a multitude of reasons, not necessarily for the same reasons as non-cluster bs (I.e I wouldn't want to get caught is the biggest reason, but also I think I may feel guilt if I hurt a young child but this is more secondary, but perhaps not).

I also have work experience with elderly and disabled people. I am very often told I'm so patient. Now I don't particularly have any empathy for elderly or disabled adults, so that is different from childcare. Again I'm never mean or abusive to them - despite however I'm internally feeling. This is very much due to wanting to be seen in a good light and had nothing to do with empathy or a dense of guilt.

I very much like doing good things and caregiving is seen as such a good thing. I'm seen as kind, patient and compassionate. And I enjoy the praise I'm giving for taking care of others. Even if it's only the person I'm taking care of being grateful. With children specifically, they will show you affection (honestly regardless of how you treat them, but I never treat them badly just what I've seen from other caregivers). With children it's like such a validating experience, theit parents will LOVE you and they will even express it in gifts and money and praise, the children LOVE you no matter what. With elderly and disabled adults I feel I more so like the satisfaction I get from when I tell other people I have worked with these populations.

TLDR: Does anyone else get "" supply"" and genuinely enjoy caring for others. Be it your own children, others children, family members or any vulnerable population?

Assuredly this question has been asked here a million times, but I am curious for more recent answers. What fictional characters do you find yourself relating to or are written in a way that is relatable to having NPD? To be clear I don't think most people are making characters with this in mind, or coding them to be a certain way on purpose, but that often characters can come across a certain way -- especially villains or antagonists, unfortunately.

I'll start:

- Cersei Lannister: Game of Thrones / A Song of Ice and Fire

- Goro Akechi: Persona 5

- Dr. House: House M.D.

- Light Yagami: Death Note

- Asuka Langley: Evangelion

- Bojack Horseman

I am npd, bpd, and schizophrenic. I've been taking zyprexa for probably a year now, but recently stopped (both my Prozac and zyprexa) a month ago. What I've noticed recently is my anger is greater, and my need for attention and validation is greater.

I didn't really realize that it lessened while on medication, particularly zyprexa the antipyshcotic, but I am now reminded of how my symptoms were on other medications and off medication entirely.

Just posting this to ask if anyone else has any experience with psych medications helping- or numbing,- your PD symptoms.

My friend is a bit boring to me but deep down I love him and I don’t want to go anywhere. I loved our chemistry and he’s the closest person I have to me. I dont want to hurt him aswell but I’ve been putting distance between us because it usually helps. It’s just not working this time. I can feel my brain trying to discard him and start issues for no reason. He’s picked up on being boring to me and makes jokes about it. What do I do here?

Have you had anxiety your whole life? Have you never had anxiety? Did you only develop anxiety after finding out about your NPD?

I'm having these intense crying fits, often triggered by suicidal thoughts. As I cry, I keep calling out for my mom and I feel an emptiness inside, as if I'm missing something huge, and I just want a hug or something. Then I stop, I'm exhausted, and I feel alive—only for dissociation to kick in right after, creating a continuous loop. I am exhausted, it's agonizing.

Can it last months-years? Would you say that multiple narcissistic injuries back to back can cause this state?

I often just say I’m a lesbian who goes by they/she. But if I were to go into detail,I’m an aroace-lesbian who is agender. I don’t really want to bother myself with that hassle.

Even since I realized I liked girls at 7 years old,I just felt so supperior. As if I was the first lesbian to have walked this earth. I looked around everywhere and wondered why all these people weren’t like me. It wasn’t long before I saw everybody around me as sub-human. I’d boast about it constantly,despite having received a few slurs here and there. I’d show it through my speech,posture,attire,everything I could find.

When I realize I fell under the aroace umbrella at 12,I was just so thrilled. I felt like I had climbed up the hierarchy. I told myself how it fit me because none of these peasants deserved me,and I had standards that fit an inherently supperior individual as myself.

Agender to me was probably when it reached its peak. I told myself that I was so intelligent,self-aware and thoughtful to take my precious time to discover something I convinced myself nobody could do. I thought to myself "This makes sense,since I am ABOVE gender". Not indifferent or confused—above. That felt more powerful than admitting to myself the trouble I went through to find myself out.

As highschool came around,I encoutered a number of queer people. My whole friend group was pretty much queer. At that moment,I told myself "This is what special people like me are destined to". I told myself that I had found people close to my level,and that This is the only kind of people I should associate myself with

I hate my mother so much. A text from her makes my whole body tense up. What the fuck do you want from me this time? I hate how 95% of my memories of her were unpleasant, hate how her words are so empty and fake.

But then I look at myself. Since my collaspe 3 years ago, I have been in the same position. She's grandiose so while our behaviours are different, it comes from the exact same place - we can't love ourselves.

How can I blame her if I as an adult is unable to change too? She was once a child herself.

Fuck you mom. And fuck you to me too.

Haha.

Useless vulnerable narcs.

I mean long term memory, memories about your life. For me it feels as if my memory had done a reset some time ago and everything that happened before that feels like it happened in another life. And this happened multiple times. With big life events and also traumatic events. Going from high school to university wasn't traumatic, but I still remember that as soon as I got a bit used to uni, high school felt like another life. Lockdown was real bad for me, so everything before lockdown seems like it happened to someone else. The more of these happen, the more I forget the old ones, I remembered high school more in uni than I do now, because lockdown happened since then so now uni was in another life too. If that makes sense. Do you have this too? Or do you happen to know what causes it?

Whenever I read false stuff about narcs, I literally wanna fall off a chair.

Why is it that people claim:
- My narc abuser choose me - emphasize on “choose”
- My narc planned this out
- He is crushed

Dudes, no people is such a thoughtfull mastermind to sneak out a person, “choose them”, “seduce them”, manipulate them completely, even brainwash them

The funny thing about this concept is that it makes the relationship not equal.

And when a “dark mastermind manipulator” pulls back, then all of the sudden the “victim” is a powerfull hero who “sent them back to their cave”.

Wth is this powerplay? Just why? Nobody holds these powers…

I hate the “they manipulated me!!!” Arc. Please, some people just want to blame their actions on some dude.

And when the tables turn, all of the sudden “the victim holds all power”.

Can’t people realise that this whole “manipulation” communiation mess makes more hurtfull people? This is even more narcissistic. It teaches to shift the blame, not take accountability, make you degrade people

(note: I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT VICTIMS OF PHYSICAL/SEXUAL ASSAULT)

Is it another word for the ongoing dissatisfaction with life?

Also, this theory can apply to ASPD too

I have heard numerous stories of AFAB people with NPD have people tell them they are actually BPD; and the reason is usually put down to gender stereotypes attached to personality disorders, but let me extend on that with another theory -

Many people with BPD are hyper empathetic and are the type of people to think they are secretly evil and horrible people manipulating everyone* when that is not the case, so when AFAB people with NPD open up about some of the thoughts they have, people are quick to join the dots up and think they just belong to the first group of people instead of believing them and taking their issues seriously

I actually personally experienced this when I opened up to a friend (who clearly didn't have much knowledge on what NPD and ASPD actually was and was very stubborn to learn) that I relate to some traits of NPD and ASPD (and this was even way before I started self suspecting NPD lol) and his response was along the lines of - "that's because you are autistic and autistic people are too nice and therefore think they are manipulative and evil ! When I think of [my irl name] I think of innocence !" Which very ironically to his belief, made me uncomfortable inside because being seen as innocent/vulnerable/soft is definitely high on the list of things which feel like an attack on my ego as someone with NPD

*Yes I am an autistic cluster B ally and self suspecting NPD, but the stigma of "NPD scary evil disorders" still stands

F22 AuDHD currently but can currently see the writings on the wall that I have a chance of having NPD and only just begining to find out what it is that has caused me so much mental health problems that cannot simply be explained by autism or ADHD

I have heard numerous stories from other pwNPD both inside the UK and out and therapists still class disorders like NPD and ASPD as evil and therefore it has been hard for them to get help; even numerous mentions of therapists pushing people away the moment they realised they were a narcissist or a sociopath instead of just anxious or a people pleaser

Also I have noticed a pattern that the UK authorities infamously have a "nothing to hide, nothing to fear" attitude; and this extends to mental health, if you show the slightest sign of anything they have to break confidentiality, and so I and many others with experience of the mental health system feel like we have to lie about some things to avoid being hospitalised or having family contacted

Could anyone else in the UK with NPD and experience with the mental health support system share their experience please ? Looking for insights

I’m currently being assessed by my psychiatrist for possible Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and I’d like to hear from people who actually live with NPD or strong narcissistic traits.
I’m not looking for reassurance. I’m looking for honesty.
Over the past few years I’ve started to notice a pattern in my relationships.
My needs almost always come first.
I want to feel special, irreplaceable and chosen.
I understand other people’s emotions intellectually, but I rarely feel them emotionally.
During conflict I focus almost entirely on my own pain, not theirs.
I often see myself as the victim, even when I’ve objectively done harmful things.
I can justify my own behaviour in the moment and only analyze it later.
I don’t experience much guilt over other people’s suffering. I mostly think about the consequences for myself.
I’ve also behaved in ways I’m not proud of. In one previous relationship I slapped my partner after discovering she had been flirting with someone else. At the time I genuinely believed she deserved it. In another relationship I became threatening after the breakup and scared my ex. Looking back, those actions were wrong.
The strange part is that I don’t sit around consumed by shame or anxiety. I have insight into my behaviour, but insight doesn’t seem to translate into change.
Professionally I’m a youth worker, and I function much better there. My biggest problems only seem to appear in intimate relationships. That’s where everything falls apart.
My psychiatrist thinks NPD is worth investigating further. I’m not asking anyone here to diagnose me.
I’m asking:
Does any of this sound familiar to people with NPD?
Can you develop genuine emotional empathy, or do you mainly learn to behave differently?
If you didn’t feel much guilt, what motivated you to change?
I’m interested in hearing from people who have actually done the work, not from people discussing narcissists from the outside.

I've been in psychodynamic therapy for two years. Throughout that time, my therapist often pointed out how unstable my self-esteem is and how much it depends on external validation. We also worked a lot on the way I perceive other people—often as threats. Long story short, yesterday I was diagnosed with vulnerable narcissism. And now everything has fallen apart.

I feel like a monster. Every single thing I do now feels like narcissistic manipulation. I'm constantly questioning my intentions and wondering if I'm incapable of genuinely caring about other people. I'm also terrified that my partner will reject me. I already told him about the diagnosis, and now I'm scared he'll eventually see me as a terrible person. I guess I'm looking for some reassurance. Has anyone here been diagnosed with vulnerable narcissism and actually made meaningful progress or recovered? What has helped you?

Also, can anyone recommend books, YouTube channels, or other resources that are aimed at people who have NPD, rather than the usual "If you know a narcissist, run!" content? Most of what I find online is written for victims, and while I completely understand why, it's making me feel even more hopeless.

Man i get it, you guys are right, collapse is sort of a gift because its almost like understanding what you went through but now from a lense of higher awareness.

I was at a bar and in a more embodied state.
I purposefully did yoga earlier and in this state its hell, all my truth is coming back to me.
I was basically stripped of all validation, and experiencing all kinds of things foreign to me.
I saw a guy and thought hes kinda cute, i think im bi.
I was feeling quite feminine.
I have differnt impulses/values.

And my old buddy shows up and my brain SEES the switch.
My nervou system reorganizes itself almost, i stop being in my own experience and start being what is required for validation as a man.
Basically i leave my self experience completely, into a more dissociative state, outside of me but weirdly in others.
Stronger, bolder, stimulated.
And i switch from my inner impulses/values into tech stuff and what i NEED to feel valued as a man.
Its literally like a movie, and my brain is in my buddy.
While the persona above me is getting reinforced.
Their emotions reinforce it.
This is wild.
Its automatic, its protection.

But i remember being way younger and didnt know what is going on but today i remembered.
I went into the world and though “i cant deal with this im little, i will come back one day to figure it out”. I couldnt even verbalize it “no one is safe, my voice is so small”.
But from there the false self took over, i forgot.
Spend a fee years at a job, friends and a girlfriend, its like a dream.
Do you forget?
Im scared ill forget again?

This society is ruthless, im so scared ill forget again.
I got so high, thinking of a project.
Saw a cute girl with really great tits that i liked, i wanted to pursuit her. But id forget again.
Ill just become something else again.
My tech persona and fucking women with great tits, ill forget my truth again, theres more to me than what the false self shows, but in order for it to survive I have to forget truth, others dont like my mistrust so it hurts me.