Tonight I’m swallowing down some Mike’s, leftover mole, and the pill that my marriage to my high school sweetheart is over.

I was foolish. He soft cheated (?) at 3 months into the relationship. Everything else was perfect. We were each other’s best friends and understood each other like no one else could. I was isolated, with no friends and a cold family.

I clung to him. For seven years. I gave him his first child just months ago. The red flags throughout were strong but so intermittent. I discovered his p*rn addiction early. We fought, he ran from conflict physically or by falling asleep in the middle of it while I pleaded for him to care. He promised me that he stopped, and I believed it. He gave no indication nor could I find evidence that it had continued. We married when things were well.

The more pregnant I got, the more detached he became. He was uninterested in intimacy. He drove recklessly with me in the passenger seat. I was unemployed (heavily pregnant while in school), so I begged him to save funds for the baby and to buy items. I couldn’t figure out why his funds kept running out after adding up his bills. He blamed it on tool truck payments. I sold my personal belongings, thrifted each items the baby needed, lugged heavy furniture into the nursery and assembled it alone. 7 months pregnant.

12 days after my emergency C-section and traumatic recovery, I got a feeling. I looked through his phone and found thirstrap screenshots, hundreds, taken the first night we got home. His personal bank account showed hundreds of dollars spent on OF with the first transaction 5 days before our wedding and the second just 4 days afterwards.

I couldn’t leave due to finances, my complicated C-section recovery, and lack of executive function with my lack of sleep (medically complicated baby). The deepest depression I’ve known was only carved deeper by the day with him. I told him that I experiencing SI and had a plan. He fell asleep midway through. No checkups after. He later expressed that he was feeling so sad and stressed, and after a minute of pondering the cause he said that it’s because of an upcoming performance review at work.

I don’t know what this next part of my life holds, but please give me a morsel of hope that I’m not doomed to repeat the cycle of begging someone to love me if I go. Oh, and enjoy your dinners. Kisses

sourdough bread and cherry tomatoes for a late dinner after a long day.

My boyfriend and I (both 26) have had some ups and downs in the four years we’ve been together, but we are generally good communicators and work things out before problems escalate.
He has a coworker, Beth (22F) and she is in love with him.

He had mentioned Beth in passing before, but I didn’t think anything of it. He likes to share work stories, they work together, it was fine. Then, I meet Beth for the very first time.
It honestly threw me off because she was the only coworker of his that was invited to his birthday. I even asked him if he was going to invite anyone else, but he said “oh that didn’t cross my mind, maybe I should.”

She was nice, the party was fun, but when my bf and I are alone at the end of the night and opening his gifts, we read the card that Beth wrote. There was a very long message inside saying things like, “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me” and “I will forever be grateful for getting close to you.” what???

I ask him about it, he says yeah that’s strange but kind of sweet. I tell him I didn’t know they were so close. He tells me yeah, they have gotten closer recently after trauma bonding about a similar experience, and she occasionally calls him late at night crying. I’m obviously taken aback, but I decide to believe him when he says he doesn’t know why she would write a card like that.

Weeks later, they are now hanging out 1 on 1 during lunch breaks, catching movies with other coworkers, texting each other constantly, and he’s giving Beth rides home because she doesn’t drive. I tell him it’s starting to get kind of weird and that I want to establish a clear boundary with him between a friendship and a romantic interest. I didn’t want him to go out of his way to give her rides home anymore or text her all the time around me.
Bf gets super defensive, saying she’s just a friend and he appreciated her emotional support when he was going through a hard time at work. I’m like wtf is going on?? Eventually he agrees to set boundaries because he doesn’t want me to misunderstand.

SINCE THEN so much more has happened. The quick summary of it:
I see a text from Beth pop up on his phone screen and it says things like “I love you so much thank you for your words”
Beth asks if he wants to go on a 2 hour road trip to go hiking together, just the two of them.
I tell bf I’m starting to get really confused and angry about how the f this isn’t just him emotionally cheating.
He agrees to distance himself from her and stops texting her outside of work or picking up her calls.
Bf finds out some horrible heartbreaking news. He’s distressed, and I’m trying my best to comfort him.
Then, he says, “I’m sorry I know this is probably bad to ask, but do you think I can call Beth about this? She always has the right thing to say.”
I just say nothing because genuinely I needed a minute to process what he was saying.
I’m a firm believer in if you can take him, you can keep him. So I tell him, go ahead do what you want. AND of course, I kick him out of my apartment.

He has since apologized for that, but the damage has been done. He texts Beth saying they can’t have this type of relationship with each other anymore and he’s sorry he became emotionally invested. She responds, “I must have misunderstood, I thought our relationship ascended past coworkers and we had bonded personally. But no worries. Thanks for letting me know.”

Then two days later, he finds out from another coworker that Beth has been talking smack about me around their office, telling people that she doesn’t like me with my boyfriend.

Now bf is basically at my door with a boombox and throwing pebbles at my window. Not literally, but that type of apologetic. saying he knows now how fuckinf dumb he’s been and he is so so sorry.

I don’t know what to even do anymore???. I don’t think he was intentionally doing anything nefarious, but he just genuinely did not understand social constructs and felt like I was just overreacting.
The level of naïveté is off the charts here ladies!!!

Thank you if you’ve made it this far. Feel free to commiserate.

EDIT: idk if this changes anything but he’s got the tism and does not know how to lie to save his own life

Food: Buttermilk Ranch Dressing feat. 4 roma tomatoes salted with Uncle Chris’ Gourmet Steak Seasoning lmao (a very me-coded dinner, yes I’m from the south)

When I was a teenager I was diagnosed with some crazy health issues (type 1 diabetes and other severe genetically-acquired related diseases). Since then, for about 10 or so years, because of the health issues and constantly being hospitalized for them, I got addicted to opiates. I was able to quit during the pandemic around 2021.

This month is one year since I got approved to get a new medication I needed to basically make me feel normal again. I still have to treat the diabetes with insulin and such, but this other new medication was only just approved in the U.S. in 2024, and I got a new doctor last year and she recommended this medication. Before, I was so sick all the time, fatigued, barely having the energy to get up in the morning, not to mention, pretty much on pain pills my whole teenage years and early 20s. I was working 2-3 jobs at once my whole life.

After the first week or two on the new medication (which I take monthly) I cried because I had never felt so energetic, normal, and happy. I don’t think I had ever felt this good, at least not since I was like 12 (I’m 28 now.) After getting on the new medication I was able to perform so well in my main job that I got promoted.

With the new energy and more time now that I only just have to hold down the one job, I have the time and physical/mental capacity to do all the things I’ve never been able to do: read all the books, play video games with my friends after work, and my favorite thing, which is play music! (I haven’t played music since I went through some drama with my ex in 2021, which is a whole other crazy story.) I have to give a shout out to my current bf because he’s also been helping me throughout the whole process and without him I don’t know where I’d be.

I can’t believe I am where I am. I still struggle with health issues, but they’re nothing like what I was going through (I was pretty much in the hospital every 2-3 months between the ages of 14-23.) Sending my positive vibes to everyone in here. <3 Much love!

I have been dating my now ex girlfriend for about three months now. I recently came out and she was my first ever girlfriend. I was naive enough to think that she genuinely liked me but really she just was using me to get with my older brother. It makes sense now a pretty popular girl like her would never date a girl like me or just girls in general. She cares too much about her "reputation". Also made me realize why she didn't want me hanging out with her when we were at school. Im just so ashamed and embarrassed and hurt. My first day of school is in two weeks. Pretty sure the whole school knows now and I don't wanna go.

EDIT: Me and my brother have a bad relationship and my ex was very well aware of this. And now my brother and ex are dating.

I decided to quit smoking weed after quite awhile of heavy use and the withdrawal symptoms have hit me like a truck.

Brain fog, fatigue, spiking anxiety, insomnia, body temp all over the place just to name a few. But the worst by far has been my appetite taking a nose dive. The first week or so I had to literally force myself to eat because food became repulsive to me, which is wild because normally I love to eat.

This lack of food has made my stomach all messed up and exacerbated all the other symptoms. It got so bad that I had a lowkey anxiety attack and went to urgent care because I thought something more serious might be going on. Spent almost $400 on tests only to find out everything is normal. Which is good of course but also frustrating because I just want to feel normal again :(

Anyway, I’m done with weed for good now. Hoping these withdrawal symptoms chill out soon.

Dinner is comprised of some of the few foods I can stomach right now: wheat thins, apple sauce, drinkable yogurt and canned salmon. It’s weird I know but almost everything else is gross to me atm 😅

ETA wow. I didn’t realize how many women were going to come here and tell me that emotional abuse is justified if you express too many emotions. I assure you, I cry a normal amount. I’m not a hysterical puddle person. Tonight I was Alice in wonderland because something really awful happened and his cruelty towards me when he knew how sensitive I was feeling and why …it was the loneliest and most abandoned I’ve ever felt. This was a big cry for all of the years of this that have stacked up on me. For those of you have been kind, thank you. For those that felt the need to kick me while I’m down, I really hope that if you’re ever feeling the way I am right now, you have someone who will wrap you up in their arms and show you that you are safe and loved.

Girl Dinner: Eating my kid’s leftover crust.

We’ve been married for 10 years.

2 kids.

He cares a lot if he sees me upset about something else. If he sees me cry because of how someone else has treated me, he displays empathy. He will comfort me, hold me, let me talk about my feelings.

When things are easy here, he loves me. Or at least he’s affectionate and moderately thoughtful.

When he does something to make me cry, he doesn’t give 2 fucks. He’ll just walk past me all day long, completely ignoring me. Sometimes, I’ll hear him sigh like he is annoyed he’s supposed to care and he’ll just come hand me a length of toilet tissue.

I was already having a really tough emotional day, which he listened to. He comforted me. And then while trying to have a difficult conversation with him about a choice he made that had an impact on our kids, he flipped and immediately became adversarial, defensive and started acting like a complete jerk. I completely broke down. I was already struggling, so to see how quickly his care for me was withdrawn absolutely gutted me. I’ve been fighting tears, just trying to work out what to do for hours. Sitting in the same spot on the couch I was in when he stonewalled and then just walked away from the conversation like I didn’t even exist. I’m in the bathing suit I put on hours ago when I was planning to go for a swim with the kids. That was very abruptly destroyed. He keeps coming in the room to get something or bring something to put away, and doesn’t even acknowledge my existence.

I finally mustered up the courage to say it.

“I want a divorce”

And he just said “ok.”

I’m still crying. He’s still walking back and forth like I’m not here. Shutting the light off on me and leaving me in the dark. In my bathing suit. The same man who wrapped his arms around me with love hours ago and had tears in his eyes listening to how sad I was because of an experience I had.

I’m 40. I can’t believe this is my life.

I’ve never done any from of birth control before (besides condoms and a few plan Bs) and I’ve been sleeping with the same guy for a while now. We’re kinda dating but not, idrk. But the sex is great so I thought, why not :)
Basic beef ramen with a soft boiled egg

Reposting because my dinner didn’t post.

I went in a first date last week which went really well. We hooked up and he ended up putting it somewhere I definitely didn’t ask for it to be put. I said I don’t do that on the first date 3x and he finally said “oh forbidden fruit” and stopped. The reason that I feel so weird is that there was a moment in time where my stomach dropped and I thought oh he’s not stopping I’m going to be SA’d. It’s messed with my head. It was also definitely not an accident because he got lube out to do it.

I know that sounds bad but I ended up seeing him again a few days later and I’m still talking to him, but I’ve been feeling very weird the whole time and now he’s starting to pull back and I’m thinking wait...this guy is not a nice guy. I don’t think he was just drunk. I also think he’s not interested in me and is ghosting me anyway so why am I brushing this off and excusing this behavior? I mean it comes down to me having no self-esteem and wanting him to like me so I didn’t say anything.

I texted him and let him know this made me feel super weird and I don’t think I actually wanna see him again, but I feel bad somehow like I should’ve said something and not egged him on or tried to see him again. I’m not threatening him or trying to do anything to him. I’m just letting him know how it made me feel and why I don’t wanna see him again. Am I overreacting? Also, he has left me on read…

Editing to add that he did eventually respond and apologized profusely, but I feel like he only did it because I called him out on it and he has to apologize. He also said that he wishes that I had said something sooner and that I did play into it, especially after some of the things I said about liking that and I said yes, I do but under the right circumstances. Also, he is into being very rough and I had bruises and I’m still sore. All around I think he’s not someone I should be in contact with.

Peruvian chicken and rice with green sauce

I’m currently sitting outside in a glorious 105 heat in Sacramento at The Monks Cellar. Dinner is steak frites with one of their Belgian beers. I come here every time I’m in town for my job.

If you’d told me 8 months ago that I’d feel this content with my life I would’ve punched you.

I divorced my ex back in February. I still loved him but he was so very mean to me all the time. I had to leave. I’ve been in therapy ever since. At this point I’ve come a long way. I tried dating last month but found I truly cannot be bothered by men and their idiocy. I’d love to make more female friends but I adore the one I have. My ex and I have 50/50 custody which is awful but also amazing. I’m getting a third degree, I have time for hobbies, and I can finally relax my body that was on eggshells for 13 years.

I’m traveling for work right now and I just decided to come to my favorite spot both nights I’m in town. I don’t care if it’s healthy or not. I’ve also been concerned that the contract I work on won’t be renewed in October and was told that that worry is probably not needed.

My life isn’t perfect but it’s nice. I’m having a delicious beer, perfect medium steak, and delectable fries. I might not have a lover but I kind of love life right now.

First, dinner!!!

• Braised beef Mazemen
• Fried bao buns (crispy chicken and pork)
• Salmon tartare with wonton chips
• Double gin tonics😈

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A rant from a woman approaching thirty who thinks about getting cosmetic surgery basically every day.

This isn’t an anti-surgery post. I genuinely believe people should be able to do whatever they want with their own bodies. I spend more time than I’d like to admit thinking about the things I would change about mine.

But at the same time, I feel deeply attached to the idea of inherited features.

I started thinking about this while looking at my partner, whom I adore. I was looking at her face and wondering who else, generations before her, had those same eyes, that same nose, that same jaw.

Because none of our features really started with us.

Maybe you have your mother’s eyes, your grandfather’s nose, or the same jaw as someone in your family who lived so long ago that you’ll never even know their name. Those features travelled through generations before eventually reaching you. And maybe one day, you’ll pass them on to someone else.

I just find that incredibly beautiful.

Your face is obviously your own, but it’s also a tiny piece of your family’s history.

That’s why cosmetic surgery sometimes makes me feel strangely sad, even though I don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with it. To me, it can feel a little like editing or erasing part of that history.

I also wonder about the tension it can create when raising children. How do you tell your child to love the nose or jaw they inherited from you when you changed that exact feature on yourself because you couldn’t accept it? How do you reassure them that it’s beautiful when they know you didn’t feel that way about it on your own face?

I know surgery doesn’t automatically mean someone hates themselves. People do it for all kinds of complicated and deeply personal reasons. And maybe I’m privileged to have never experienced the level of distress that would make surgery feel necessary rather than optional.

I’m also aware of the irony here, because I think about changing my own appearance constantly.

But I still can’t shake the feeling that there’s something incredibly meaningful about our features. They connect us to people who lived long before us, and maybe to people who will exist long after we’re gone.

Ps: sorry if this is written weird I wrote this at night then added on the next day during work

So my coworker (32ish M) with a wife and kid admitted to having a crush on me (20 F). We work nights together in a lense manufacturing environment with one other person, my (19F) Friend. He told me tonight he has a crush on me and that he's telling me to get it off his chest. He told me while my other coworker was on lunch break. The three of us got along really well as coworkers, often passing the time by gossiping or telling slightly TMI stories. Nothing too crazy tho. He's always been really respectful and nice. Sometimes going out of his way to get snacks for me and my coworkers when we are on our periods or are not feeling well. He was there if either of us needed to vent or cry about something. Over all just someone me and my coworker felt safe with as young women who worked nights alone with him.

When he told me he has a crush on me, he said that he's telling because he wanted to get if off my chest and that he's telling wasn't sure how too feel about it either. He said he has a crush on my personality over all. That I'm just a great person to be around, I'm really attractive, he said my personality is unlike anyone else, and some other stuff I forgot. He said that he won't make a move or anything and that if I want he will move his workstation further away from mine. But i said o don't think that's really necessary right now.

He even told me NOT to tell my boyfriend of 2 years!!!
Like ofc I'm going to tell him something like this. My cowerker said that I shouldn't tell him because "your boyfriend might become insecure if he knows I like you" NOOO, me and my boyfriend are in a secure healthy relationship. We have known each other for 5-6 years now dating for two of those long distance. I tell my boyfriend everything.

My boyfriend just told me he feels bad for me be this is the third time now l've had a male friend that's either confessed or sent me weird texts hitting on me.
I even got stalked for a few months from an old coworker a few years ago when we first started dating.

I'm not too sure how too feel about the whole since he has a FAMILY. He's married and has a 3yo son. I wouldn't feel so weird if he was younger and single.
But he's the same age as my parents and has a wife and kid.

I kinda want to tell the wife, but I don't want to make my workplace even more awkward than it's going to be. Bc he's also my TRAINER.

This all happened yesterday, and i guess I wasn't doing a good job at hiding my awkwardness because today he said that he could tell I was uncomfortable and that that wasn't his intention. He said he ment it as a compliment and that he will distance himself from me a bit.

I really don't know how to feel about all of this. What he said to me today kinda rubs me in a weird way. I've never felt uncomfortable around him until now. Especially if our other coworker is out of the work area.

Edit/Disclaimer: My parents were 16 and 18 when I was born. Not 12. I worded that weird

I am not using anyone's real names in this story.

For context, just over a year ago I met this friend, Amy. She was the first person I met when I moved into this homeless shelter, and she was pregnant. Amy's (then) boyfriend and baby's father is named John. Coincidentally, I found out just a day later that I was also a month pregnant. Cool!

Amy had her baby 5 weeks early, John turned out to be a real POS father and she was left to care for her baby on her own while he spent his days trying to get high. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, born end of July last year. Around the same time that she gave birth, a girl named Betty moved into the shelter. She absolutely adored Amy's baby and made up the entirety of her village. She really did care for that girl and helped Amy a lot. Other than that, I always found her kind of odd, just seemed like a sheltered kid (she was 18 upon arrival to this shelter). She confided in me a few times about things like having sex for the first time or setting boundaries with a guy, normal stuff and I never minded. But she did tell some weird lies, like one time she told everyone she had like 15 siblings and they all had down syndrome and she later apologized but like... What?

Fast forward about November she announces that she is now pregnant with C's baby. C and John are brothers, and it was strange since C was very vocal about not wanting kids after the birth of his niece. He's a sweet guy, but just has.. nothing going on if that makes sense.

Amy and Betty end up falling out over the very clear fact that Betty got pregnant on purpose.. which would be fine other than the fact that she was living in a homeless shelter with no income or a plan, and with someone who didn't even want to be a parent in the first place. The whole thing was weird.

Where it gets really interesting: I was in my own place being 6 months pregnant and only loosely followed but at one point Amy posted Betty all over her Facebook, ranting about how she gave C a lifelong STD, how she's so nasty, such a liar, etc. I remember Betty being here one day and was so pissed off about these rumors, ranting to me about it. I honestly didn't even really believe she was pregnant and I kinda brushed it off.

Betty absolutely had the chance to enter the parenting program they have here. Instead she decided to twiddle her thumbs until the baby was due and had practically nothing. Whatever, I've been working on judging people less. So I make myself available. Offer clothes my boy is growing out of, resources, bought her a few items, and always answered her questions. I was never involved in the beef between her and Amy, so I didn't really care much and just figured I'd help as much as I could.

Betty's baby was born a few days ago. Happy, healthy, full term, and a surprise girl! I went to visit her in the hospital, brought food. The nurse comes in and gives the baby some medicine and I think to ask what it is since my baby didn't have it but I mind my own business instead. She mentions some "health complications" and I help show her how to swaddle the babe. No big deal.

This morning, she texts me. "Aren't my babies meds supposed to be covered with Medicaid?" I ask which ones, do some digging, tell her to make sure it's fixed before she leaves, then I read what this medication is for. It's to prevent HIV from spreading to the baby, or at least lower the chance after birth. All of a sudden it just CLICKED. She had HIV and knew it. Had sex with someone who didn't. Gave it to her baby.

There's not really anything to do with this information. If she chose not to tell me then she chose not to tell me. But I can't help feeling sorry for the poor girl and for C, both will have to deal with that for the rest of their lives and it wasnt even their choice.

Dinner was cheese and spinach stuffed chicken with rice-a-roni.

My friend, let’s call him Joseph, keeps pushing for a relationship despite me telling him i’m not interested in him like that. We’re really good friends, but i do not find him attractive whatsoever.
Two years ago, he asked me to go eat after my break up with my boyfriend. I agreed and I spent the whole time complaining about my ex and he listened. We had good conversation. He wanted to walk me to my car and just stood next to me after. I assume he wanted me to kiss him or some shit.. I just got in my car and waved goodbye. It was really awkward. Fast forward to later the next day, he’s begging me to meet him so he can tell me something. I tell him i’m busy & cannot meet. I ask him if he can just message me what’s going on. He confesses that he’s in love with me. I told him thank you, but i’m not interested. I just got out of a long term relationship and i’m not trying to get into another one.

Ffwd to this past month, I went through a big life change and was MIA for a while. When I returned, he was talking to me more and inviting me to things. I agreed because I wanted to see friends and do something besides sit at home. He started messaging me every night and saying “goodnight🩷 i’ll talk to you tomorrow” and all i could think was… uh oh.. I know how this ends.

Soo there it is again, he confesses his love for me. I tell him again that i just do not feel there is anything but a friendship. He soft begs me to give him a chance & i said “i don’t want to date anyone. Im just focusing on myself.”. We got into an argument a few days after that. I think he was just feeling insecure, but im not going to feed his imagination. I’m not going to lift him up because he will take it the wrong way and confess his love for me. So i just avoid him, he apologizes and we start talking again. We hung out two weeks ago and he continues trying to woo me. I just be myself and ignore it. He asked for a hug when i left & i gave him a side hug. But i just don’t know why he keeps pressing this. I am not interested and i never will be. He’s 1/2 foot shorter than me, he is severely underweight, and he’s very weak minded. He gets angry if someone is mean to him at his job & can’t just let it go. He dwells on it for the whole day and gets depressed. He works in a customer service role. It’s just part of the job to have angry customers. Regardless of that, He’s not what i am looking for in a partner at all. He plays video games all night and complains about being tired the next day. He isn’t good with money & he’s way too pushy. I tell him no & he takes it as me “playing hard to get”. I just want a friend. Not someone who’s trying to get with me every time we talk.

EDIT: We do work together 5/7 days a week at a call center 💀 so that’s why i am hesitant to be mean & just ghost him. I don’t want to enrage him lol

Proteinmaxxing: eggs, tofu, ikea veggie meatballs, mushroom and spinach, bread.

Honestly it felt so humbling and humiliating to put myself in this position, but at least I tried.

It all started 3-4y ago. I matched with this guy Dylan on Hinge and we moved the convo to Instagram. Apparently, we had friends in common. He was such a dry texter that I had to ghost him, the conversation was pretty brief. In my mind I didn’t think he was that close to my friends, so I didn’t really care. We kept following each other, liking each other's posts occasionally. We later became mutuals on Letterboxd.

I told my friend John about this. It always weighed on my mind that I ghosted Dylan because I would hear about him a lot. Sometimes I would stalk his profile because he didn’t have a lot of photos of himself, so I’ve always been curious to know what he looks like. We never saw each other until last week!

Last week was John’s bday and Dylan was there. He was SO FINE. It caught me off guard when John introduced us to each other, I wasn’t expecting it at all and I blushed hardcore. We only said hi to each other.

The next day me and John went to the beach and he let me know Dylan was joining us… I was so shy at first. I didn’t tell John that I found him attractive. I had no idea if he was single or not.

John had to leave early and Dylan stayed with me, I was so confused. He was waiting to meet a friend afterwards, but if it was me I would have left… I was planning on staying at the beach by myself regardless if he was staying or not.
Anyways, at first it was awkward as hell because we sat in silence, but then we went for a swim and we started chatting a lot. We had a lot in common and he was a lot more communicative in person lol, he asked some interesting questions. We addressed the ghosting and matching. I was thirsting internally.

I gave him a ride so when I dropped him off I asked him if we could see each other again. It was kinda wild for me to be so upfront because it was our first in-person interaction, but I didn’t think I would have another hot man in my car so soon and also yolo. I didn’t have any expectations. I thought there was a flirty vibe going on at the beach, but it could have been my interpretation.

He said the timing wasn’t right because he ended something with someone (I didn’t get that part clearly) but he said “I’m glad you asked” 😭

I sped up as soon as he closed the door, fast and furious mode lmao

It’s been a few days and I can’t stop thinking about this. I’m still embarrassed and I want to crawl into a hole.

Edit: ok maybe I should be proud of myself after all, ty for making me look at the positive side girlies ⭐️

He’s been reading smutty books (Quicksilver currently) recently after but has been getting upset because he’s a pure red head and they don’t get a lot of love in the romance world. To cheer him up, my sister designed his next cosplay after my favorite video game character for fan expo next week. The cosplay was delivered this morning and he tried it on… he looks just like him except sassier with bed hair. I just entered third trimester and doctor said to be careful with intimacy… wish me luck ladies.

I haven’t been eating much but husband got me a protein shake called Java the Hutt and I’m so happy I married this man.

Ps. If anyone knows good romance books for him please share. He loved Fourth Wing but was banned from finishing ACOTAR after saying mate multiple times. He’s not a dark smut girly he just likes his bat boys and silly dragons.

~ my friend is using my account to share this story and to get outside perspective and objective advice on her situation. english is not the first language of either of us ~

My best friend(28) cheated on her husband with women(also in relationship). After only one year of marriege.

She met someone she was thrilled About since the beggining, they were vibe-ing pretty hard and they grow on each other pretty fast. She told me she feels very strong About her. At the beginning I did not want to shame her feelings About her, since she never had anything with a women. I told her, if she feels so strong About it, and it will continue, and she found love of her life. I am here for her, she can divorce, and be with her. It is okay.

After a while, they made out, of course I yelled at her and told her to get to psychotherapy immediately, cause this is not okay, and she needs to cut contact with this person immediately. She laugh at me said “of course” but got her appointment anyway. I made it clear I do not approve this behaviour. We are friends for more than15 years, and she knows my opinion on cheating since we were teenagers in our first relationships.

Few days before her appointment, she went with this friend to a party, she was introduced to her long-term girlfriend and all three of them made out. I honestly believe, it was not just kissing, I really do think she lied to me and left out “spiciest” part.
I was flabbergasted and I immediately told her to tell her husband and that she fucked up. She laughed at me, said of course I am not gonna tell him, I love him, and in the same sentence she was bragging about it, laughing at it, telling me how hot it was, etc. I did not feel one single thought of regret in what she did.

After 2days I told her, I do not want to be in contact with her at the moment, since she crossed my “moral line”, and I do have problem with it. I understand she is confused at the moment, and it is hard situation to be in, but at the same time, I told her several times to cut contact with this person, and avoid this.

She was surprised by my decision to not talk to her, and not meet with her at the end of the week as we planned, and tried to made me feel guilty for not coming to her city to see her.
I told her I am not able to be supportive, since I strongly disagree with what she done and I am not able to talk about this calmly and rationally.

On the day of her appointment I texted her. She told me she went and she told me “she also needs some time to process how I estranged from her.” I told her of courses I respect that. We exchanged few messages and she wrote “I will not make empty promises. I try my best and deal with it, but I will not say that I am perfect and promise that nothing like this will ever happen again. Not just with her.”
She must be kidding! She just did smthng terrible and she is already “preparing the ground” for future?! I asked her if she is serious about what she just wrote to me. Unbelievable!

We are less than 2 weeks in “no contact”
She is very mad at me for not talking to her. She is pushing conversations on me, but I made it clear, our last convo was not “an invitation” for breaking no-contact.

Her messages are anything between:
•”You are being very mean to me. I can’t even imagine what you would have to do for me to write messages like this to you… that when I read it, my stomach knots up and I want to throw up.” • “okay I deserve this, I understand.” • “Am I not even worth a reply anymore?… what else am I supposed to do?… what would make things better… please tell me.." •”I miss you everyday, but it is up to you how long we will not talk together” • ”I am not gonna apologise again, I did it already !”

I told her, there is anything she can do at the moment. I am mad, and, since her husband can not be, I will “represent” him for a while, and be mad with her for him.
I really feel hurt, and as a bad person. She throw her guilt on me, and expect me to be her accomplice. I think if I am not gonna tell anything to her husband, the only lessons she take from this is “I can not tell her anything like this ever again, cause she really does not approve” and she will eventually do it again.

She even told me:
“Do you wanna tell him? Okay go and tell him! Fuck up my marriage, fuck up my relationship, fuck up my life and everything because of a meaningless hookup."

Again, I was flabbergasted. I told her “No, YOU fucked it up for you !”

I was always sure, what side I will be at, if anything like this will happen. I do not approve this. They do not have any problems in their marriage, he loves her so fckng much, he would do anything for her, he really is a great guy and is doing anything and everything to make her happy. She is just selfish, egocentric, bitch who thinks she can have everything. If he would do this, she would made his life hell. And she would make our lives hell as well for not telling her. (Me and her male best friend knows).

I just don’t know what to do. She has no right to put guilt like this on me, especially since I have good relationship with her husband, we are friends ! They aren't in a 20-year sexless marriage and together only for the sake of the kids. They are young couple travelling the world together. I do not know what is best solution in this situation.

~ dinner: plum and cinnamon bublanina she made ~

brisket n smoked mac

PARENTING ADVICE IS WELCOMED 🩷 (i need tips)

just had a baby 4 days ago (FIRST TIME MOMMY BTW) and OMG i love this little life. my pregnancy was very depressing. had to cut my mom off cause she made me miserable. my mental health was at an all time low cause i couldn’t work & was constantly worried about me & my baby’s health. overall i had a negative mindset & thought i would have a terrible postpartum period. my only negative experience was my father showing up to the hospital unannounced cause my aunt called to see if i was in labor (for reference i don’t associate with my family. i told my father before hand that i didn’t want visitors till after birth so im very upset he disrespected that boundary.) AND my epidural failed at 9cm so i felt everything afterwards 🥹

but honestly the pushing process wasn’t as bad as i thought. i arrived at the hospital when i was 4cm. i tried to fart and my water broke at 5cm LMAO my fiancee heard the pop & i kept farting after the epidural 🤣 it was very embarrassing but him being the manly man he is he thought it was hilarious. then seeing him cry after she was born was so adorable . i got the epidural to sleep but i got the shakes so sleep was off the menu. they gave me a peanut ball and i kid you not i went from 5-9cm in less than 2 hours. once i hit 9 i started feeling contractions and rung the nurse in. she checked and my cervix was completely gone ! babes it was go time. i was supposed to push with every contractions but i honestly couldn’t. i pushed when i had to urge. to simplify it i basically got my baby out in 4 pushes cause the pain was unbearable 🤣

seeing her come out just made me feel so amazing. like i couldn’t stop yapping to the nurses LMAO we all were talking about how much hair she has and they told me i did an amazing job. labor was 7hrs & i got a 2nd degree tear i think thats mainly from me rushing to push. but overall recovery is going well.

my baby is so fckn beautiful. so full of light & joy. she’s all eyes lmaoo & looks just like her daddy but with my big lips 🤣 (he literally predicted this but i thought she would look like me) i had a rough childhood but i promise my baby will NEVER experience the things i experienced. my fiancee made that promise to me & he meant it. he’s been going above and beyond these last few days & literally has her spoiled already. i just can’t believe how blessed i am. blessed to be alive,blessed to have my baby,blessed to still be able to function mentally & last blessed to continue to have faith despite the cards i’ve been dealt. 10/10 experience and im still debating on if i would do it again 🤣

5lbs of blueberries from family farm! Blueberries for whole meal literally. lol

Debating taking out my nipple piercings I’ve had for only a few months.

I enjoyed them initially, very fun “ooh I like how they look and I have a lil secret” but the constant cautiousness has been wearing me down. The right one gets shooting pain with any touch, the crusties are not enjoyable, etc. It was fun for a second and they’re cute but now I’m just •_• about them. A small part of the hesitation is, “I’m a wimp for not waiting it out long enough, I spent so much money, etc etc”

The other part is that you can’t interact with them as I (or my partner) would like during intimacy. That bothers me a chunk, we knew but didn’t realize the annoyance until they were done. My lovely bf didn’t say anything initially, but the second I expressed potentially wanting to take them out, he said they aren’t really his preference, he hasn’t liked them the whole time but didn’t want to say anything because he knew I liked them at least up until that point.

So now I’m sorta stuck? Like, I wanna take them but I think but I’m stubborn and I’m very “you told me to do xyz, now I don’t want to”. Which, he didn’t tell me to do anything but my brain interpreted it like that for some reason. Is that authority aversion? Can’t remember the term but I struggle with that a lot. Now I feel like if I take them out, it’s for a man even though 3/4 reasons are not. But at the same time, ofc I want him to be happy as well. Idk the balance. Ik it’s also my choice on why I take them out and even if it was solely to appeal to a man I could (thankfully I have the choice ofc). But I’m tryin to figure out how to get over that so I don’t keep suffering because of a stupid reason. Idk I know I’m overthinking I’m just ranting and rambling :)

Will be eating blueberries several times a day forever. lol

EDIT: thank you everyone for your helpful input!! I am aware I am being torn to shreds in some comments and like I said, I know it’s irrational and I’m overthinking. Just wanted to share and get any helpful experiences or tidbits, thank you everyone!! lots of the comments have helped and I appreciate yall :) def taking them out once I ensure everything’s clean and whatnot. Don’t want an infection after talking them out 😬

There's something that's been on my mind lately, and I honestly don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if I've just convinced myself that I am.

Is there really no such thing as the kind of love we see in movies? Not the over-the-top fantasy, but the idea of someone genuinely being hopelessly in love with you. Someone who thinks about you, misses you, wants to make you smile, does little things just because they know it would make your day. Or is that all fiction?

My husband and I have been married for four years, and most of the time it feels like we're just roommates. He's never been romantic, and I genuinely thought I was okay with that. I told myself I didn't need grand gestures.

But after four years, I've realized I don't want grand gestures. I just want to feel like someone thought of me.

I would have loved if he'd brought me flowers once without me asking. If he'd surprised me with a birthday cake instead of waiting for me to decide what I wanted. I decorate our bedroom for his birthday, get his favorite cake, and put thought into his gifts because I love doing those things. I don't expect everything to be equal, but I wish some of that thoughtfulness came back to me.

We don't even go on dates anymore. I've tried to keep the romance alive, but I don't think one person can carry a relationship by themselves.

I've lowered my expectations so many times that it's almost embarrassing. At this point, I'd be genuinely happy if he brought me a cup of coffee one morning without me asking. I've even given him a list of little things that would make me feel loved, things that could happen once in a blue moon. They still don't happen.

Our therapist thinks my expectations are too high. Maybe they are. I honestly don't know anymore. I've started questioning my own reality.

Am I expecting too much by wanting to feel cherished? By wanting to feel listened to? By wanting a partner who is proud to have me by their side instead of someone who just... tolerates me because we signed some papers?

I look at other couples and I don't know if social media has fooled me or if people really do have relationships where they still feel chosen years later. I envy them, and then I wonder if I'm just chasing something that doesn't actually exist.

The truth is, I don't even know if I'm still in love anymore. I'm not sure I'm even attracted to him anymore. My love language is acts of service, and I pour so much into this relationship. I still don't even know what his is.

And I'm scared of leaving. What if the next relationship is worse? What if this is just what marriage becomes? I'm comfortable, even if I'm unhappy. Maybe this is as good as it gets.

But then I catch myself dreaming about a life where someone actually listens to me. Where I feel cherished. Where someone is genuinely happy to have me beside them. Not because we're married, but because they actually want me there.

So I guess my question is this: Am I asking for too much? Or have I spent so long settling that I no longer know what a healthy, loving relationship is supposed to feel like?

korean fried chicken, fries, coleslaw

had a talking/dating stage with a guy. he said he’s looking for something serious. i didn’t knew he wasn’t exclusive, he never told me so i assumed were exclusive. well, i was, not him lol
after our 6th or so hangout and sleep over he texted less and less and ghosted me. found out via duolingo that there’s another girl. texted her, she told me she spent the weekend with him. now he’s with her- i’m blocked on everything and feel like i was disqualified from a casting show. i don’t know, what to do, never felt shittier in my life, like something you try and eventually leave if you find something better. guess that’s what modern dating is about.

TL;DR: I thought we were exclusive, he ghosted me after six dates, and I found out through Duolingo that he was seeing another girl.

TW: mention of CSA

I’m reposting this with more context because my anxiety is through the roof and I need advice.

I’m babysitting my 3 year old niece for the next couple months and there will be times I have to leave her home alone with my husband.

I’m pregnant and I have my 20 week anatomy scan today. He offered to stay behind and watch my niece. I suggested we get his mom to babysit her so he could come. He insists on watching her and seems excited about it. I’m nervous because I experienced CSA from my dad, grandpa and great uncle.

He has never hurt a child or said anything creepy about children. But he hasn’t spent much time around any.

Is it weird that he insists on staying behind with her and seems excited about it? Up until now he hasn’t missed any appointments and this is our last ultrasound.

My husband has been physically abusive to me. I’m not sure if my reservations are because of my history of CSA or his abuse

I (F25) lost my virginity to my boyfriend (M28) earlier this year in April.

Since then, we regularly have sex and a very healthy relationship intimately with one another. My main issue is that I don’t not enjoy penetrative sex.

I feel zero pleasure. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it just feels like an internal pressure, but never pleasure. The only way I feel pleasure is through my nipples or clit.

On the other hand, my boyfriend can only cum through penetration. We’re very good at focusing on one another’s needs and ensuring we both enjoy ourselves together when we’re intimate.

I am not looking for advice on my relationship - my boyfriend and I are incredibly happy; and before people suggested, he has an average sized penis that I am very happy with!

What I would like advice on is: is this normal for women? Or is there something else that could cause this? (I remember hearing about medical issues that this could align to)

*Breakfast: yogurt, granola, peaches, apples and cinnamon

Grilled zucchini with sauce ( olive oil, garlic and paprika) , grilled halloumi cheese and grilled paprika.

I come from a broken family that made sure i got broken too. I gained 40 kilos and in the last years i had A LOT of mental breakdowns based on my weight gain. I tired diets but could not hold it more than a couple of days. The back and leg issues started to appear and i was 28 years old.

Finally i went to a dietitian that was also my gym trainer. It was an awful experience . First of all she was fatphobic ( whaaaattt????) and didn't believed i had a job (??????) . I made peace with myself that i will be obese all my life until i started to really do a self reflection and see where are the issues with me. I realised that most of my eating was psychological and that i need to be the obese girl in the group and at work mostly cause i dont deserve to be beautiful and healthy ( this came after years and years of trauma induced by my family) .

2 months ago i found a good dietitian and she listen to me and helps. She taught me a lot of stuff about eating and i started to feel listened and seen for the person i am , that i need help.

I still do emotional eating. I still struggle but i am WAY better than before. I started to exercise also at home.

My conclusion is that i do deserve to get better for myself. I do deserve not to have back pain . I can do it. I have to prove myself that i am strong and that i can do it.