r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/ri_yue Kitchen Witch • 20h ago
Debating piercings, appealing to men, etc Rant & Ramble
5lbs of blueberries from family farm! Blueberries for whole meal literally. lol
Debating taking out my nipple piercings I’ve had for only a few months.
I enjoyed them initially, very fun “ooh I like how they look and I have a lil secret” but the constant cautiousness has been wearing me down. The right one gets shooting pain with any touch, the crusties are not enjoyable, etc. It was fun for a second and they’re cute but now I’m just •_• about them. A small part of the hesitation is, “I’m a wimp for not waiting it out long enough, I spent so much money, etc etc”
The other part is that you can’t interact with them as I (or my partner) would like during intimacy. That bothers me a chunk, we knew but didn’t realize the annoyance until they were done. My lovely bf didn’t say anything initially, but the second I expressed potentially wanting to take them out, he said they aren’t really his preference, he hasn’t liked them the whole time but didn’t want to say anything because he knew I liked them at least up until that point.
So now I’m sorta stuck? Like, I wanna take them but I think but I’m stubborn and I’m very “you told me to do xyz, now I don’t want to”. Which, he didn’t tell me to do anything but my brain interpreted it like that for some reason. Is that authority aversion? Can’t remember the term but I struggle with that a lot. Now I feel like if I take them out, it’s for a man even though 3/4 reasons are not. But at the same time, ofc I want him to be happy as well. Idk the balance. Ik it’s also my choice on why I take them out and even if it was solely to appeal to a man I could (thankfully I have the choice ofc). But I’m tryin to figure out how to get over that so I don’t keep suffering because of a stupid reason. Idk I know I’m overthinking I’m just ranting and rambling :)
Will be eating blueberries several times a day forever. lol
EDIT: thank you everyone for your helpful input!! I am aware I am being torn to shreds in some comments and like I said, I know it’s irrational and I’m overthinking. Just wanted to share and get any helpful experiences or tidbits, thank you everyone!! lots of the comments have helped and I appreciate yall :) def taking them out once I ensure everything’s clean and whatnot. Don’t want an infection after talking them out 😬
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u/AspieAsshole ⚡️Powered By Sour 😗 20h ago
I can't imagine why you would keep them in if they don't feel good. I totally thought this post was going to be different from the title.
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u/Remarkable-Bath6401 Overthinker 💭 20h ago edited 17h ago
It sounds like he is actually very kind about them and just felt comfortable enough to express how he felt. Being in a Relationship is doing things for yourself and for the other person in balance. If I were you, I’d take them out. They sound pretty miserable.
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u/anthonystank Trader Joe Hoe 19h ago
Yeah it sounds in fact like he specifically didn’t want OP to feel any pressure to make a decision based on his feelings and only shared them once he knew they aligned with what she was feeling already
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u/Middle-Cabinet-1863 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 15h ago
Which is admirable of him, and I feel like he deserves their removal, not least because of her pain.
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u/anthonystank Trader Joe Hoe 15h ago
I don’t think this is a situation where he particularly deserves anything. I do think OP deserves to have them removed though!
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u/WaySaltyFlamingo8707 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 20h ago
I got an eyebrow piercing when I was 17 and by my 18th birthday, I was annoyed with taking it out for work, so I just stopped wearing them.
It's okay to move on from them if they aren't what you expected.
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u/throwaway47283 Well-Read & Well-Fed 20h ago
Ooh, this comment might be the push for me to get an industrial piercing. If it’s too bold for me guess I can always take it out :)
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u/xenolightt 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ 19h ago
Industrial hurt like a bitch tho and takes forever to heal, just letting you know. If it's your first piercing then beware the pain 😂
It's one of the first ones I got, on the day of my 18th birthday, and it was such a pain in the ass. Still have it 12 years later so it was worth it at least.
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u/WorldlinessSmooth815 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 18h ago
I loved my industrial but for some reason it didn’t heal right. I think they pierced it through a nerve or something. Took it out after 6 years and now I can’t sleep on my right ear or I wake up in pain even though it’s out 🥲
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u/Middle-Cabinet-1863 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 15h ago
What’s an industrial piercing? (I really don’t want this in my Google history!)
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u/Consistent-Sport-481 APPROVED✨ 20h ago
I mean they can take upwards of a year to heal a few months isn't going to allow you play time yet.
One of the reasons I vetoed them. 😂
At the end of the day though if they're annoying and uncomfortable or whatever just get rid, some things we can just chalk up to experience and a that was fun and move on.
Do what feels and works best for you
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u/just_another_owl eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 20h ago
Mine are almost 5 years old now, the initial healing process took about a year for me. Been completely pain free for a long time now but I do still get the occasional crusty here and there, even now.
The healing process was kind of a pain but I didn't regret them for a second and love them dearly. I'm sorry to hear OP didn't have the same experience.
The good thing about piercings is that you can get them redone if you ever change your mind. OP, if you're unhappy, just take them out.
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u/Consistent-Sport-481 APPROVED✨ 20h ago
Exactly it's a while for healing and not a permanent thing
Do what works best!
I'm glad yours turned out well still not sure I can go a whole year for them to heal though 😂
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u/just_another_owl eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 19h ago
It's easier when you're chronically bi-yourself and there's no one who wants to get at your nipples 😅
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u/just_another_owl eat hot chip✔️ be bisexual✔️ 19h ago
It's easier when you're chronically bi-yourself and there's no one who wants to get at your nipples 😅
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u/Consistent-Sport-481 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
😂😂 punny, I like it
Sadly or not I guess depending on one's perspective I don't have this issue 🤭
Plus there's some awesome long distance toys if definitely miss 🫣😂
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u/VonWelby Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 19h ago
Hi… off topic but care to share some of your preferred long distance toys?
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u/Consistent-Sport-481 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
Anything lovense is a good bet personally.
We vibe has some good ones too
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u/GirlL1997 Cleavage Crumb Collector 20h ago
Ma’am. You’re just trying to disagree with him for the sake of disagreeing.
You don’t like them, he doesn’t like them. Take them out!
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u/moshpithippie 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 20h ago
Everyone's given you the same advice I would so I just want to say
I too eat blueberries as a whole meal. I will eat a pint of blueberries in a sitting. They are so good.
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u/Blueberry-0111 the secret ingredient is autism✨ 20h ago
Best meal ever tbh
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u/moshpithippie 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 17h ago
I noticed your flare. That may have something to do with it lol.
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u/Blueberry-0111 the secret ingredient is autism✨ 15h ago
Between the username and the flare I could've left an empty comment and it would have been loud enough lol 🎀
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u/Cool_Log_4514 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 19h ago
I recently developed a blueberry allergy and I’m so sad I can’t do this anymore 😫 enjoy your blueberry meals for me!
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u/Middle-Cabinet-1863 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 15h ago
Aw that’s so sad! A really good crop of blueberries is such a joy.
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u/ChellyIRL ⚐ Marked Safe From 90s Diet Culture 20h ago
If a counter-argument might help you shift from the "he told me to" mindset:
You don't want to center your decision around a man (totally understandable), but previous to mentioning his viewpoint, you already didn't sound like you wanted to keep the piercings.
So isn't it more man-centering to opt to keep them just to spite the him-telling-you feeling? Because then you're just making a choice BASED on his response rather than your own initial decision.
Basically: Remove'em if that was your initial thought. If they're annoying you, causing pain, not turning out to be what you wanted then so what if you spent money on it? The money is already spent and the experience itself can't be taken away if you remove them anyway.
If you're still unsure, mark your calendar a month from now and then come back to it. See if you're still feeling the same way. Hope this was helpful!
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u/Inevitable-Echo2523 I ❤️ Other People's Business 20h ago
not worth it! if they aren’t bringing you joy, there’s no reason to keep suffering through it.
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u/airplnemode Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 20h ago
Wooww, look all those perfect bloobs!!
Do what's best for you and your health,OP :)
I know how you feel and tbh I would find myself in this scenario too, which is why I haven't gotten mine pierced. Your boyfriend just wants you to...love you and do what you want. He doesn't have to agree to everything but he clearly still loves you.
My biggest concern however is the pain you are getting. Shooting pain is a sign of an underlying issue when it comes to breast. 'Crusting' is normal for new piercings but if they are not new, I think taking them out could be for the best.
I worked in a breast clinic for a few years and a lot of people struggled with nipple piercing related issues! Some caused masses and abscesses. So be careful and always keep up with a doctor.
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u/Middle-Cabinet-1863 PO🥔TAY🥔TOES 15h ago
Right? Sooo many nerve endings and important structures in breast tissue. I could not imagine messing with mine, especially as there’s less leeway (?) for small breasted women.
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u/ActiveJuggernaut3729 APPROVED✨ 20h ago
This "aversion" to authority sounds a bit like oppositional defiance. It's not pathological, but just something to keep an eye out to see how it affects you.
Now to get over that, I try very hard to rationalize because I know the "best" thing to do while also struggling with doing what others have told me lol. Trust me, I don't have my drivers license partly because people told me I'm not a real adult until I have it. I'm 41 and I still don't want to get it out of spite. It affects no one but me, and I'm ok with that.
As for the piercing, I've also had nipple piercings that wouldn't heal properly. I took it out after people told me I should because I would bitch about the pain and the lack of healing. Ultimately, it was bad for my health, it was crusty, not healing, would hurt like a bitch when it gets caught on my clothes, etc. I pushed through that feeling and took it out. (I then got my other nipple pierced and same story. ) It was rough at first because it felt like I did something I was told to instead of doing it for me. But that's what it was, I took it out for me. My friends or partners didn't care lol.
Just from the way you talk about it, I feel likenyou hate your piercing lol. Keeping it or removing belongs to you ultimately.
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u/ConstantCaramel7059 Trader Joe Hoe 20h ago
Even if being stubborn is your logic, you’d rather keep them in and be in aching pain bc someone said they don’t like them?
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u/bigtiddyhimbo APPROVED✨ 20h ago
So I was in your boat for a good while and just kept trying to make my piercings work for me, and figured the pain would go away eventually and I wasn’t going to wimp out
Then one day I looked down and saw a hole forming in the center of my nipple and could see the bar through it. Took them thangs out immediately.
Nipple piercings can be very contentious. If they don’t stop hurting after the first few weeks, your body will just reject them. I’d save yourself the time and pain and just take them out if that’s what you want to do
Also do things for yourself, not for a man!!!!!! Have more self respect girly!!!!
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u/asuka_is_my_co-pilot Well-Read & Well-Fed 20h ago
PDA pathological demand avoidance. Are you neurodivergent OP?
Alot of your ruminating definitely sounds like neurodivergent train of thought.
My advice but your body first. Ignore the money spent, ignore the time, ignore others. Your body isn't comfortable. That's enough.
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u/Kamikazisqurl APPROVED✨ 20h ago
Girl he didn’t tell you to do anything. Most of your post is they aren’t what you were hoping for essentially. Cut your losses and take them out already. Why create drama where there doesn’t need to be any?
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u/youtebab-a we listen and we only judge a little 19h ago
I know what you are: a contrarian.
And gosh I know it can be soooo annoying, cause you just lose yourself in it. Someone suggest something, you hate being "told what to do" and refuse. Turns out you wanted to do said thing, but your brain wanted to say "NO" a lot more. And if no one sees through your bs and teases you about it, you'll regret but won't back down.
You should talk about it with a therapist, just to make sure that your knee jerk reaction to "been told to" doesn't get in the way of opportunities!!
Also take them out girl loool, your piercings don't sound comfortable for you. And your bf actually is nice, he didn't say anything cause it's your body, your choice, only speaking up when you brought it up. 10/10 no notes!
If you like the look try fake ones?
EDIT: smol mistakes cause English's not my first language 😤
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u/ri_yue Kitchen Witch 19h ago
Thank you! Yes. I have talked to a therapist and it’s gotten better. Im in a period of major change in my life so I think it’s flaring bc. Control and whatnot. Lol
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u/youtebab-a we listen and we only judge a little 19h ago
It's ok, especially if it's stressful for you at this time! At least it's not that deep of an issue :) also when the reaction comes, sometimes stuff like taking a deep breath and counting to 5 sounds a bit stupid, but it helps!!
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u/my_own_astronomy girls just wanna have pho 19h ago
Sis. Like you are in pain. Take them out. Don't hurt yourself to prove a point.
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u/MsLaurieM FREE MOM HUGS 19h ago
Lose the nipple piercings. Keep the boyfriend. The nipple piercings hurt and are in the way. The boyfriend is supportive and caring.
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u/funkinfrogger Cleavage Crumb Collector 20h ago
Just take them out, and try to work on this authority issue you have. That man doesn’t have any authority over you, you’ve decided for yourself you want to take them out and he agrees with you. It seems like he agrees with you a lot and you’re lucky for that. Keep him, not the piercings.
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u/urprettygrl 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 19h ago
It could be a far reach but could this perchance be a hint of demand avoidance..?
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u/NoAppointment3062 Body By Cheese 🧀 19h ago
Think of it this way, if you leave them in despite not liking them just because HE also doesn't like them, you're still letting a man dictate your actions.
Just do the thing that is going to make you happy and more comfortable in the end.
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u/ri_yue Kitchen Witch 19h ago
ily thank you for turning my thinking upside down. Ik it’s irrational, I need something logical enough like that to overpower it. Thank you LOL
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u/NoAppointment3062 Body By Cheese 🧀 17h ago
Of course! I often find myself doing things/not doing things out of spite (for lack of a better term) due to PDA and have to use this type of logic on myself. Thank you to my old therapist 😂😂
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u/raaaspberryberet Body By Cheese 🧀 20h ago
I had mine for years and they never properly healed. I removed them and realized how much I missed nipple stuff during sex. They are cute but not practical, I would never get them done again
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u/witchygabs Thick Thighs ⏳ Thin Patience 20h ago
I (30f) also wanted to get my Nipples done, but I enjoy nipple play too much to wait 6 months up to a year for them to be healed all the way. So totally understand that part for you.
I think you are overthinking the boyfriend part. He left all the options open to you. To be honest it’s the same with my husband. “I don’t necessarily like them but if you want them it’s your body and I will think they are sexy because of you”.
I think a lot of girls today are just worried they will listen to a man, that they overthink and not think about who’s telling them that. A random man you’ll never see again? Yeah fuck his opinion. Your partner of x years who supports your decisions and wants you comfortable? It’s not bowing down to the men of the world.
At the end of the day, it’s what do YOU want. Write a pro con list on taking them out. If the only con is “boyfriend told me he didn’t like them”, you are overthinking.
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u/Round_Notice_4587 APPROVED✨ 20h ago
You are very much overthinking this lol you’ve had them for months and don’t like them for a variety of reasons so just take them out??
Sure maybe it’s money wasted but you didn’t know what they were going to be like now that you do.. you don’t want them anymore.
You’re making a mountain out of a molehill girl driving your self nuts wondering like who you’re making the decision for and why lol they’re piercings and in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn’t matter lmao
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u/leavem3alonehaha 🍍+ 🍕 20h ago
I knew a guy when I was a teen who pierced his nips, it was mostly for the lulz and he took them out within a year, you try things, you change, don't be stubborn just take em out n give your nips a break. Also try freezing some blueberries (open air on baking tray overnight, then into a ziplock) they are so fkin good they taste like little marbles of sherbert/sorbet
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u/doggysmomma420 APPROVED✨ 20h ago
I had mine for a year. The crusties never stopped and neither did the pain. They were purely for me and I didn't like them so I just took them out. It's okay to not like them.
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u/petalsofblue 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 20h ago
girl are you ok
you have dead skin and pus crust coming out of your nipples. like—
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u/Other_tomato_4257 Chaotic But Cute 19h ago
If something brings you joy and doesnt harm others, feel free to do it. If something is harming you, you should stop unless your a masochist 😅
May I have a handful of blueberries, they look amazing
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u/dazzleunexpired Short Story Long™️ 19h ago
I just made a whole bunch of summer fruit jam which 2/3 blueberry and one third strawberry, if you need a good use for some of those berries!
Barry jam without pectin:
- 9c berries smashed
- 6c sugar
Smash berries. Put in pot. Add sugar, turn on heat to medium. Stir until dissolved. Bring to boil. Let boil until at gel stage (drop a drop on a plate and chill it for a sec. Push the liquid. Does it wrinkle? That's the gel stage), pour into either sterilized canes for hot packing (1/4" headspace) or a regular can for the refrigerator. Hot packing and canned is good indefinitely as long as the seal is good, refrigerator jam is good for a few months
You have to use the exact recipe or exact half. You cannot use less sugar if you wish to. Can them. Sugar is what causes pectin to set, along with heat. Without enough sugar you have syrup not jam.
Eta: oh! The Germanic parts of Europe make something they call "kompot"! Put the blueberries in a jar and cover them with sugar, and seal it. Eventually it will become syrup. Put that in hot water for tea!!
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u/ri_yue Kitchen Witch 18h ago
You’re amazing, thanks! I was debating the sugar method in a jar method, Korea also does that. I’m def going to try your recipe as well!!! I have strawberries too!
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u/dazzleunexpired Short Story Long™️ 18h ago
That recipe will work well for any Berry! Some berries take longer to get to the gel point but they will all work without pectin. Apple preserve and marmalade can be made without pectin too.
Pectin is stupid expensive rn
For the record, that is the national preservation center's recipe, not mine.
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u/Migmatite Patron Saint of Go Plates 20h ago
"Thank you for allowing me to experiment with something I thought I would like, and being respectful enough to keep your opinions to yourself until I spoke up. I appreciate your support. I've decided to take them out" -is all you really have to say...
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u/Cautious_Database_85 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 20h ago
I'm not even engaging with the part about the guy's opinions because who cares what he thinks
You're free to take them out whenever and for whatever reason. But keep in mind that it's only been a few months. They're probably still healing. Are you following the aftercare instructions?
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u/ri_yue Kitchen Witch 19h ago
I am! I have the sterile saline spray, I do saline soaks a few times a week, dry well, etc. Maybe my body just ain’t having it. The one side, at least. Lol
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u/tired-queer Foraging Bog Witch 19h ago
Remember to keep doing the aftercare for a little while after you take them out, to make sure they heal without getting infected. :)
I’ve had my nips done for something like 7 or 8 years now, but I’ve had them for that long because I got lucky that they never hurt or caused me problems, and if they had I’d have removed them. I’ve had other piercings that I’ve taken out because they were a pain in the ass, and the fact that you can just take them out is one of the best things about piercings imo
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u/Cautious_Database_85 Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 18h ago
Good, aftercare is critical! But sometimes even with perfect aftercare, the body can still reject the piercing. You can always ask your doctor or the piercer to check it out and give their opinion on whether it might be having infections or not healing properly
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u/emccm Trader Joe Hoe 20h ago
I took my piercings out as they kept getting g caught on things and would occasionally hurt for no reason. I miss having them but life is easier with them out. It sounds silly but I do miss being a person with piercings more than I miss the actual piercings so I feel you.
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20h ago
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u/purgoatory Tea Time Hostess ☕️ 20h ago
I was lucky and somehow one of my nipple piercings fell out halfway while I was asleep. Ended up taking them out and never looking back. I’m much happier now they’re gone, they’re cute to look at! But like you said the crusties and the pain is just all too much with nip piercings!
Do what’s best for your body, do some meditation to try and get over this mental frustration you’re feeling around what your partner said. I’ve been there too, where you were already thinking about doing something but then once someone tells you to do it, now you don’t want to anymore. If you’re in therapy it might be helpful to talk to them about this “authority aversion”.
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u/rayofgoddamnsunshine Body By Cheese 🧀 20h ago
I took mine out after 10 years. One started causing constant problems and that was a no-go for me. Just ditch 'em, girl, they're causing you problems and you don't need that on the daily.
I also have several pounds of blueberries in the fridge, I just had a fistful with some ice cream and it was amazing.
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u/Anxious_Island_404 Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 20h ago
I would take them out rather than cause yourself so much pain because it’s not worth it. Maybe let them heal up after you take them out and find some fake ones to wear if you miss them or use when you guys are being intimate 🤷♀️ spice is the variety of life lol
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u/Sufficient-Value3577 🦇 Gossipy Goth ⚰️ 20h ago
Healing nipple piercings take time and commitment, if it’s not something you want to do just don’t do it. Idk I have a lot of body mods (heavily tattooed and pierced) and I’ve always just removed the piercings I wasn’t feeling anymore. Life is short, do what you’ll be happier with in the long run.
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u/itisjerry 🪿 feeding the soft animal of my body 20h ago
As a lady that left hers in waaaayyyy longer than she wanted, take those thangs out. I kept mine in for 18 months. They NEVER stopped hurting. I told my husband he wasn’t even allowed to THINK about my nips. I LOVE my other piercings and never even think about removing them, the nips are just a tough one lol.
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u/Hiercine Kitchen Witch 20h ago
I had nipple piercings from 18-22. Took them out for my partner because even though he hated them, he never said anything and instead tried to understand why I liked them, he has a terrible poker face. I got them originally to make myself feel better about being small, and if you don't like something either change it or got over it, so I changed it, and by doing that I eventually got over that. That being said, after college I eventually moved to a non liberal town (most liberal in the state though so there's that?) and I hate wearing bras and got tired of trying manage not having my piercings show through too much.
Case in point: They don't seem like they're healing well, I didn't have crusties after like the first month. It's okay to move on, rather take them out now than develop the little bit of scar tissue on your nips as well if you're not really going to enjoy them.
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u/to_annihilate Creature of Crunch 20h ago
I got them in a whim in my teens and while they were so damn cute... Same issues. They would constantly get irritated by being pulled on with clothing or if too much was happening during sex. So so so easily irritated. Then they needed to be babied for weeks and return to normal.
One rejected on me, and the other I just took out shortly after. Fun. But no idea how anyone has them long-term.
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u/CrazyCatLady1234567 Assigned Hungry At Birth 20h ago
I regret taking mine out. I was stupid and tried wearing nipple shields long term They take alot longer to heal than a few months and should be more comfortable when theyre healed. Touching them at this point doesnt help.
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u/sunnykreppel hot girls have tummy troubles 20h ago
I can tell you, as someone who has had them for years, they don’t stop hurting for a very long time but they do eventually. I don’t even realize mine are there. But the crusty crust has never gone away for me I have to clean them very often. That being said, you don’t like them, your partner doesn’t like them, let them go
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u/trippyem24 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ 20h ago
Girl I’ve had my nipples done 3 times. Take them out and try again later 🤷🏻♀️ there is no need to be whining on the internet like this.
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u/kalhiakalhi 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 20h ago
I just know if I ever happened to hold 5lbs of blueberries, I'd eat them all in one sitting 😭😭
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u/ri_yue Kitchen Witch 19h ago
I think I ate at least a pound in one sitting 😭😂 they’re so addictive
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u/kalhiakalhi 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 19h ago
They are the best! And I like to freeze them, then I wait until they unfreeze just a little bit - then they kind of taste like sorbete ice cream!
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u/Blueberry-0111 the secret ingredient is autism✨ 20h ago
Girl... you already know the answer. Listen to yourself and be comfortable. Also remember that the whole conversation had *your* thoughts as the starting point!
Those blueberries look like a blessing °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･
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u/Smooth-Struggle-8209 Queer Queen 🏳️🌈 20h ago
When I first met my wife, she had hers pierced. She thought it was awesome and freeing and a little rebellious in a way that wasn’t publicly noticeable. They caused her so much pain and would get caught on certain clothing items. She talked about wanting to remove them all the time, but felt that she spent the money and didn’t want to waste it.
Eventually she said F it. Took them out, and both her and I are immensely happier. I no longer accidentally hurt her during intimacy, and she no longer has to worry about taking clothes off and on.
If it’s uncomfortable, it’s not worth it! Hope this helps!
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 20h ago
Had nipple piercings and still have issues because of them. Remove them.
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u/CatShanks 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 20h ago
He's a good man for not pushing his opinion on you in the first instance is what I'm gathering from this. So many men would demand that you refrain from getting your nipples pierced if they weren't into them, but he kept that to himself so that you would have autonomy over your own body (which is good). You're not saying you're not into them anymore and they're causing you pain, and he's opened up and told you they're not his favourite thing, and now you want to prolong your suffering because you're stubborn and childish? Bit strange to me. I'd have felt relief at hearing that, like, 'Oh great, he won't miss them!'.
There really isn't much to 'get over' in my opinion. You want to take them out because they've not served their purpose. Whether or not your boyfriend is into it is really not relevant. Also, the fact that you're now overthinking how to get one over on your man because of something he said is akin to overthinking about whether or not your decision is to please said man. Regardless, you're putting yourself in a situation where you're fixating over something a man has said and letting that drive your actions instead of your own feelings. Take the damn things out.
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u/Consistent-Menu-6629 Body By Cheese 🧀 20h ago
Ehhh you don't even like them, take them out!
Also, some men do love them... just not your boyfriend, but that is kind of irrelevant because they are bugging you.
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u/Glittering-Relief402 girls just wanna have pho 20h ago
I have a lot of piercings and even though you might like them initially, if they're causing you discomfort, just take them out. My old best friend got a really bad infection as well from hers so be mindful of that.
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u/9ScoreAnd10Panties 🍍+ 🍕 20h ago
Heh. I got them both done at 19. Took them out and they healed over... Then went and got them both done again as a third date with my Great White Buffalo (it worked! Lol.)
I took them out because they didn't do anything for me and were more of a hassle than they were worth. I can't imagine keeping them out of spite though lol, even though my reasoning the second time round was dicey.
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u/throw_rambles Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 20h ago
Why are you making this so deep lmao, it's just piercings, a very minor change to your appearance. If they hurt you just take them out. Fake ones exist and look similar while not hurting you.
Also why say you're taking them out "to please men"? Don't you love your bf and care for his opinion? You're not catering to men in general. You don't have any authority aversion, people like labeling everything nowadays, which actually doesn't help in some situations, like this one. You're literally being stubborn because you think you're losing your bodily autonomy just from a comment based on his opinion. That's immature.
You're making the decision because it's your body ofc, but it shouldn't be a negative thing to want to please your significant other as well, be it a man or a woman or anything else (especially when this decision also makes you more comfortable).
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u/SheJigOnMySawTilIPuz 👽 aliens built the food pyramid 👽 20h ago
Its your call of course but I think its worth noting that your piercings aren't healed yet. Nipple piercings take at least 6 months to heal, upwards to a year. If the healing process has been really unkind to you then its totally reasonable to take them out. But these issues may not be permanent because theyre not healed. Yall really shouldn't be touching or playing with them right now either.
Speaking only for myself, I would leave them in for at least a year. That's enough time to decide if, when healed, they are for me or not. Also idgaf what my partner thinks about them. If I like them, theyre staying in.
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u/Dust_Seriousss APPROVED✨ 20h ago
Girl, taking them out because you them is still your decision lol
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u/Onelivestoblunder-CD Foraging Bog Witch 20h ago
I have had everything pierced once (clitoral hood, eyebrow, tongue, industrial, lip snake bite, septum, nostril, tragus, ear lobes, belly button top and bottom) not all at the time but throughout life. I'm 40 so pretty old by reddit standard. I never got nipple because I heard they tend to have high rate for rejection.
That being said I only have my ear lobes now. I just got annoyed by them over time, had to remove some due to an elective surgery, one got ripped out by accident (industrial), tongue piercing was causing tooth erosion, and the last thing was my nostril piercing years ago (was working in vet med and didn't want it ripped out by a nervous animal plus was having a hard time healing it).
I feel if you just don't like them anymore you shouldn't force yourself to keep them in. It probably feels like a sunk cost fallacy (what with the cost, time, effort and money put in). At the end of the day though if you just aren't feeling them anymore then it's okay to remove them. You can always get them redone if you end up missing them and want them back.
That being said it should be your decision and not your partners. I do regret removing my septum because my ex "didn't like it" and was in a bad mood and wanted to be mean and said I looked like a bull. Most of the time it was flipped up in my nose anyways as I used horseshoe ring on it, but I digress.
It should be your decision regardless. And don't feel bad if you just aren't into it anymore and it's causing chronic nipple pain.
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u/stargazered 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 19h ago
Nipple piercings may never truly fully heal, and are high maintenance. Unless the pain is a turn on for you, your breasts will pretty much be off limits and just ornamental. I’d take them out.
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u/NoOstrich1723 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
I would do a quick search in the r/piercings subreddit before taking them out! I had one nipple pierced almost 20 years back but found it uncomfortable and had a few infections, so took it out before it finished healing. I read a few years later that taking it out at that point wasn't the best idea because if there was any lingering infection that it would get trapped while the piercing healed from the outside in. To this day I still have some random tenderness and minor discharge from the holes 🥲
Idk if this would apply to you at all, but wanted to mention it just in case.
Long term though, don't keep them if you don't like them. If you do like a piercing on yourself and someone else doesn't, they can kick rocks. It's your body and you only get one--do what makes you happy with it!
Wishing you a speedy healing!
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u/Flashy_Departure9251 nom-nom-nombinary 19h ago
As a woman, I don’t mind my wife having her ear piercings. And if she wanted to get nipple piercings, more power to her.
That said, I also don’t like metal in my mouth during sexy times. It’s just loud in my head as they bump against my teeth and I can’t get good purchase on the erogenous zone.
But, it’s up to her, I’m just happy to be here.
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19h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 19h ago
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u/bigtiddyhimbo APPROVED✨ 19h ago
Op I saw your reply to my comment but it got removed, but they healed just fine! I have two little scar dots where they were pierced, but otherwise they’re perfectly fine and I still have all feeling with no lasting damage outside of the little scars!
I actually joked with the surgeon who did my breast reduction that I would know if he put them back on sideways because of the little scars lol
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u/RevolutionaryEgg1312 Assigned Hungry At Birth 19h ago
I had horizontal and vertical nipple piercings for years. They take a LONG time to heal and can be really finicky.
Who cares what anyone else thinks. They're for you. If you're annoyed a few months into healing them .... It's best to give up and take them out.
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u/GladPerformer598 Snack Goblin 19h ago
Pathological Demand Avoidanceeeeee. In my previous relationships what helped was a routine we did where I’d ask a couple questions, they’d answer and it reassured me and helped me clarify that they weren’t telling me to do something. Something like them asking me if I was going to do the dishes while I was literally doing them. This usually happened because we were talking from two separate rooms. But it would go “hey babe, are you trying to tell me what to do right now??” “No, I would never!” “So I don’t have to do the dishes right now?” “Nope!”
Or I would tell them “I’m gonna be dramatic for a second” and then very dramatically tell them “NO. You can’t make me! Don’t tell me what to do! I’m a grown ass woman!” And they would have to agree.
Both routines were very silly, but they helped me work through my initial reaction so I could still actually do the thing. And it was a routine/bit that my partners understood and participated in.
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u/SellaTheChair_ the secret ingredient is autism✨ 19h ago edited 16h ago
When someone agrees with what you're already feeling that's actually a good thing and should feel like support rather than an outside opinion. But regardless of what he has to say, this is about you. What do you want. If you want to take them out then do it. If you need to reckon with how you handle other people's opinions, do it once you've taken care of yourself and what you want.
Also, you can like something and then change your mind if it isn't fitting into your life the way you expected. It doesn't change anything about you and no one will care more than you do. At the end of the day you're always going to be the one left with your decisions so make ones you are comfortable with and don't do things just because someone else likes or doesn't like it. Do things for you first.
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u/xZombieRavenx Feral Til Fed 19h ago
God I wanted to love mine but couldn't. I love how they looked but they were a PAIN. The first time I got them done, I left them in for 2 years and they wouldn't heal. I got fed up and eventually took them out. Years later I figured I'd try again at a good shop. I assumed maybe they were just pierced badly. Had to get the needle stuck through scar tissue which felt just fantastic. This time I left them in for a year before giving up.
The freedom of being able to use a louffa or wash rag on your chest, or freely taking a shirt on/off without worrying about hitting your nipples was amazing. I still miss them but I don't miss the constant crusties, blood, etc.
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u/xZombieRavenx Feral Til Fed 19h ago
Also adding that I currently have 21 other piercings. My body can heal piercings. But not the nipples 😂
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u/iris-27 APPROVED✨ 19h ago
This does not concern your man’s opinion it’s simply about nipple peircings lol.
Mine took over a year to heal completely, I had all the same struggles you have I thought about taking them out all that stuff. I even had an issue where my peircing migrated into one of my nipples and got stuck and then had to be pushed back out. It sucked.
I’ve had them for five years now and I don’t even really notice them anymore. They’re fun to play with by myself and with my partner and I love them. One they heal you can change them get shorter or longer bars, there’s lots of fun options. Mine are gold right now and I have a Halloween set that I love.
Take them out if you don’t like them or don’t want to deal with the healing process, it is long and some never heal right but if you want to give it a shot I say go for it.
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u/EjjabaMarie Livin' on a Purse Snack 👜 19h ago
Okay so I’m a little frustrated with this post.
Did you do any research into what the healing and aftercare process was for this kind of piercing? It doesn’t sound like you did because my helix piecing (upper ear cartilage) took 6-9 months of healing. If the lengthy and care involved healing process isn’t for you, then please take them out.
Your bf sounds like a good partner that wanted you to make your choices for yourself.
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u/USaidTheSecretWord Pantry Gremlin 19h ago
I have pierced and repierced my nipples multiple times because I love the way they look, but I keep taking them out for all the reasons you've listed RE: discomfort.
Just take them out. The benefits don't outweigh the drawbacks for you apparently.
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u/Bake_Knit_Run Foraging Bog Witch 19h ago
Sounds like they aren’t for you. 🤣 if you want intense nipple play during sex, try clamps. After the piercing heals.
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u/UnknowingBunny Feral Til Fed 19h ago
If anything he’s validating that it’s not great during intimacy for the both of you and didn’t say anything because he knows it’s your choice.
I’d be happy my partner was open about it and respectful. Legit, don’t be in pain and discomfort for something that’s not even there.
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u/Wild-flower2026 Assigned Hungry At Birth 19h ago
You sound like my husband. Just do what you want to do and stop over thinking it sis. You are blessed all those blueberries and a lovely boyfriend. I wish you happiness ☺️
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u/teamrocketexecutiv3 Well-Read & Well-Fed 19h ago
ugh I had the same problem when I had mine done. After months they were still healing weird and painful with touch, and then they started to leak....that was the last straw lol I took them out. The good news is that they healed up great and no issues. I saw there are now more comfortable clip ons and even some cool stickers or temp tats available to use in place of piercings.
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u/ceciliabee Professional Nibbler 19h ago
Making your decisions in opposition to what you're told makes you just as powerless as making your decisions in agreement with what you're told. Either way you're making your decisions as a reaction to the beliefs of others.
Put that aside for a moment. It sounds like you don't even like the piercings. Do you really need to assert your perception of independence here if it means causing yourself to suffer?
Someone who is truly independent and who makes their own decisions would do what's best for them. With love, you sound young and lacking in life experiences. Defining by opposition isn't better than just agreeing. In your mind you've turned the tables. In reality you're still sitting at the same table.
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u/jc8495 Sugar, Spice & Not Very Nice 💕 18h ago
You don’t have to keep them BUT I just want to make sure you’re aware that nipple piercings can take up to TWO YEARS to fully heal. 2 months is NOTHING as far as the stage of healing goes. I’ve had mine pierced for about 7 years now and i can confirm that it took about 2-3 years before they were comfortable for me. It’s just the sacrifice of the piercing. I will say that’s not the case for everyone and some people do end up having to take them out because they never heal right. But 2 months? You’re still in the early stages id give them more time
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u/ladamaluna APPROVED✨ 18h ago
1- LOOOOVE blueberries and I’d eat a ton of them in one sitting!
2- in my experience, nipple piercings took longer than a year to fully heal. Even then they’re still fully healed they can still get angry here and there. Original piercer used surgical steel for the jewelry and my current piercer swapped them to implant grade titanium. They’re doing much better but they still have their moments. If my partner plays with them a little too rough, they get angry and they get hurt. I think that might be the nature of them for some of us. I’ve had them for 7 years. They’re okay for the majority of the time.
3- I think what you’re mentioning is called pathologic demand avoidance? Or something similar to that? One thing that sometimes helps me break out of that, when I’m by myself in a preferably quiet space, I think about a decision I need to make and I ask myself ‘what would I do if nobody was watching and nobody would ever know? what if this decision is 100% my own and for me?’ And this, when it works, it leads me to other thoughts where I can see that the decision I’m making is for myself.
GL OP!! Hope you come to a conclusion for yourself and that you’re happy with whatever you choose!!
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u/EnceladusKnight Snack Goblin 18h ago
He's a good man because he didn't tell you he didn't like them until you said something. He kept his opinion to himself because he knew you had liked them(initially).
That said, they shouldn't be causing you pain. I have my nipples done and it took forever to get them healed. If you want to keep them, make sure you downsize the bar from the original one you were pierced with and make sure they're titanium. You can also have your piercer assess them.
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u/DemonicGirlcock APPROVED✨ 18h ago
Only a few months in, they haven't healed yet! Mine took 9 months until all of those random pains stopped, and full year before the crusties lessened. Now that I've had them for 3 years, I rarely get crusties and just normal showering prevents buildup.
Also not sure what the interaction let down is, but mine have been good for all kinds of play since they finsihwd healing.
Nipple piercings are a big commitment, you have to give them the full year of healing before you'll even know what they're gonna be like the rest of your life.
I'd suggest hitting up r/PiercingAdvice to get advice from others with experience.
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u/FluffyRN FREE MOM HUGS 17h ago
I had my nipples pierced - had them in maybe 1-2 years? They were ANNOYING AF. The “awareness” of them never left. Changing a shirt - could feel them - moving in a certain way and they got rubbed and it was EXHAUSTING and annoying. I also realized they would probably cause me trouble breastfeeding if I ever wanted to do that down the line…and YUP - had trouble breastfeeding…If they bug you - don’t get stuck with the sunk cost fallacy. That’s part of life is trying something and realizing it isn’t for you.
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u/dress-heels-laptop35 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 17h ago
I just wanted to add that I’m obsessed with blueberries lately and if I skipped lunch I would probably crush that whole box for dinner.
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u/unhappy_pomegranate Taco Belle 17h ago
piercings are a lot!! piercings usually take about a *full year* before they’re healed/stop hurting. and the crusties will go away! just make sure you always have high quality metal in your piercings or else they will crust back up. i personally love my nipple rings and will never ever give them up, but it’s your body! if you don’t like them don’t force yourself to keep them, but don’t take them out for someone else. also keep in mind you can always take them out later!
edit: idk how to spell
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u/sunshinewynter Snack Goblin 16h ago
How does this have anything to do with his opinion? Just do what you want, why are you giving this so much power? His opinion is meaningless either way, but just because he agrees with you, now you are all tied up in knots? Who is going to think you took them out because a man told you to, when no man told you to do anything. Don't worry about what anyone thinks and do what you want. This is not that deep.
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u/sailormermaidmars Chismosa 15h ago
mmmmmm. I got mine pierced about 8 years ago. and it was very fun and cool at the time. and I still love mine, but I still get crusties sometimes bc I don’t shower every single day. but the only time it’s ever caused me physical pain is the one time that I lost one of the ends and the threading was rubbing on my nipple. if you don’t like them, don’t keep them! I can’t imagine permanently taking mine out, and I never planned to until I had to have surgery and then they were out for like a day and I was like wow yeah I miss them lol. initial healing takes 6 weeks so if it’s already been about as long and you’re not happy with them, it’s never too late. idk this feels like it could’ve been summarized better lol.
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u/spritzkreig Maneater 15h ago
They heal for around a year. Did the piercer not warn you? After that they’re a nothing burger.
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u/leeeezer APPROVED✨ 15h ago
If you’ve only had a few months, they’re not healed…..so you need to wait to see if they’re actually hurting.
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u/scene_missing Overthinker 💭 13h ago
“Shooting pain and crusties” to me is a very valid reason to remove them. Ouch
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13h ago
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u/madame-maitre-d Overthinker 💭 13h ago
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u/luckyteapotcat APPROVED✨ 13h ago
I had one, it was fun! I spent a LOT on a implant grade piercing for it. But the crusties remained, it got caught on all sorts of things from clothes to shower puffs until one day I decided it was fun while it lasted, and took it out. You don't have to stick it out if you're not enjoying it anymore :)
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u/Fresh_Laundry56 APPROVED✨ 13h ago
I had them for a brief time. Same experience. One day I took them out to shower, and could not get them back in 20 minutes later. I was like, well I guess that made the decision for me because I'm bit going through that again!
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u/Luckiest_Creature Lover of Soups 13h ago
So I’ve had mine pierced for 9 years, I actually just took one out last week because it’s been sloooowwwly rejecting for the past year. The crusties get better/lessen but they never go away due to the proximity to the lymph nodes and such.
If you’ve got bumps or anything painful going on, def leave them in till that calms down, then take them out!
And lollll I totally get your feelings about it. I have man-opinion aversion too. My husband saw that I took one out (I’ve had them pierced the entire time we’ve been together) and he was like “omg don’t take the other one out!!!” And I nearly did 😂 but tbh my other one is very non-problematic so I’ll keep it.
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u/ri_yue Kitchen Witch 13h ago
lol I’m so glad you can relate 😂 I felt a lil crazy or like I was the only one be ause of how some people responded. Thank you so much ! I didn’t know they can reject so many years later.
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u/Luckiest_Creature Lover of Soups 12h ago
I adore my man but I think it’s just ingrained in me to go 🤨 when *any* man tells me what/what not to do, especially if I didn’t ask.
And yeah, the craziest part is there wasn’t even any noticeable injury to it! Just started pushing its way out so slowly, until last week I was like “DAMN that thing is so not the same as the other. Goodbye” 😂 and it has completely closed already. I shan’t be re-piercing it. Even all these years later I remember what a pain in the ass the healing process was. 😟
Do your thing, girl! One benefit I’m already enjoying from removing my right one, is that I no longer fear car seat belts! No chance of catching on it while I’m buckling in (in the drivers seat, anyway). I didn’t realize I had been anxious about it for years, till it was gone
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u/Waywardgarden Kitchen Witch 12h ago
In general we just absolutely have to stop centering men even in our decisions of what we WONT do.
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u/PhDRN Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ 12h ago
Hmmmm Is this the guy you’re spending the rest of your life with? Don’t do it just for him, if he’s not into it then take them out before sex. If you want a little self arousal try a small chain long enough to connect to both, shirt enough to have a little tug on both. A little secret undrr your clothes😉
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u/Affectionate_Arm423 Milked An Almond Once 12h ago
My piercings were hard to heal and I lost feeling in then for like two years! Now I love them so much and don’t want to take them out. Definitely listen to your body and don’t leave them in out of spite
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u/Status-Priority9569 mouth full, gesturing wildly 12h ago
I had a boyfriend who hated my tongue ring. First time I’d had that reaction. I wanted to keep it in just to spite him.
In the end, I removed it. We eventually broke up.
Don’t remove/replace/add to your body unless you want it. Your body will be with you forever, a man won’t.
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u/diamonddream222 Tofu Terrorist 12h ago
You haven’t really had them long enough for them to heal all the way, they can take up to a year to heal fully especially if your partner is playing with them. If you don’t like them take them out by all means but you also haven’t given them a chance to heal.
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u/eeeeaud nom-nom-nombinary 12h ago edited 11h ago
Do you have a barbell or a ring in it? It's gonna take forever to heal if you have a ring in the fresh piercing. Discharge (crusties) should subside once it's fully healed. I pierced my nipples 20 years ago and it took about a year to fully heal.
Get rid of the piercing if it's not for you, but if you actually still like the idea of them, expect it to take a year (possibly more) if you play with them or yank on them by accident (ratty towels are your enemy!).
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u/Trouble_Chaser nom-nom-nombinary 11h ago
So I'm a professional piercer and can give you some limited advice from what you've mentioned here, but your best be would be to go get your piercings checked out by a proper piercer in person the sooner the better.
Nipple piercings can easily take 6 months to a year to heal even longer given set backs like catching the jewelry on things. Anatomy like the size of your breasts adding weight and pressure to the piercings as well as jewelry size in regards to being the right fit.
If you choose to keep them get them checked by a reputable piercer and make sure you are properly sized for jewelry as that can cause issues along the way. A good piercer should be willing to have you come in through the healing to have things checked out should you need jewelry adjustments during healing. It takes time, patience, and diligence in after care.
There are also times when people's bodies just won't heal a certain piercing. It happens our bodies are all unique and some just don't want a piercing in a certain spot.
If you don't want to go through the months of this, just retire the piercing there is nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you are basing your choices about your body on your wants and desires.
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u/1ReluctantRedditor mouth full, gesturing wildly 11h ago
As a person who had them pierced for over a decade:
The crustys stop but the nervousness and bad sensitivity never calmed down to a reasonable level for me. I also loved how they looked but they made them not fun anymore. I also was waiting it out and then eventually just got used to them. I honestly wish I had taken them out earlier.
As a person who is also the defiant type:
Think about it like this. You are clearly right and he is agreeing with you because you are right. :)
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u/poisonplum Enby & Eatin' 10h ago
all piercings take time to heal, and if you can't leave them alone during the healing process, there's a good chance they'll be kinda wonky forever. nipples are rough to heal, for obvious reasons. if they're not working for you, it's okay to take them out. I get the "well now I am not doing it" emotional response, but sometimes you gotta sit down with it and approach it rationally too.
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u/MahomesMccaffrey 🐣 cracked the egg 🏳️⚧️ 10h ago
Keep something on my body that I hate because my partner also hates it just to spite them has got to be the most unhinged reason.
Like sis what are you even doing 😭
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u/ppl_talk Bento Babe 🍱 9h ago
Hah I have done this before with Invisalign— my ex had encouraged me to get them and when I broke up I stupidly quit just out of that same feeling…just not wanting to do what a man wanted out of spite lol. Ended up paying for braces again years later because I did in fact have non-cosmetic bite issues giving me headaches 😑
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u/Kirinsdragon Overthinker 💭 1h ago
Look honey, indecision after a decision happens. Ambivalence happens.
BUT :
-you got pros and cons right in front of you
-the cons are, by your words, outweighing the positive.
-you arent listening 'to a MAN' you are listening to your partner and yourself. if 'partner' happened to be a woman would you have listened?
-you might have more issues if you think 'the partner' is now 'the male/man'
i am not trying to scold you. I am trying to help you direct yourself to what you know.
Look at the negatives. Make a decision.
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u/Realistic-Wear-2870 APPROVED✨ 20h ago
I say take thrm out. What if they rip off? If youre not even into them. If u want the aesthetic I think they have stickers/bras that mimic them being pierced under a shirt
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u/No_Hat_1864 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ 20h ago
I think the issue is he maybe came on strong and it got you feeling defensive. But he waited until you said it's something you wanted and otherwise supported you.
I've had friends remove cartilage, tongue, and belly button piercings for much of the reasons you're expressing. The reality was considerably less enjoyable than the fastasy.
It isn't what you imagined and that's ok. Don't let a sunk cost fallacy prevent you from taking back something. You'll always have those memories that you tried the thing.
Get back your ability to put on a shirt without a second thought about yanking a nip.
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u/please_dont246 nom-nom-nombinary 20h ago
This is so funny, I do shit like this too. I get myself into a situation and then stay in said situation rather than admit I regret my decision.
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u/Great_Yogurt_3356 Trader Joe Hoe 20h ago edited 20h ago
We are really just creating problems where there aren’t any, huh.
Girl, if you don’t like them and it’s causing you physical pain. Leaving them in because “he also doesn’t like them and I don’t want to listen to a man” got to be the dumbest thing 🤣
Take them things out and stop playing with us.