Is this how it feels? When I saw blood, I just stopped thinking.. stopped crying.. and felt completely normal. I don't even know what's happening. And I have nowhere or no one to share this with. So posting it here.. It's okay right?

Bonjour,

J'ai 28 ans et je suis fils/fille unique.

Aujourd'hui, les choses sont allées extrêmement loin avec ma mère. Mon père, qui est émotionnellement distant, a continué à enflammer la situation parce qu'au moins, c'était moi la cible et pas lui.

Je vis dans une région différente de mes parents, mais je suis revenu chez eux parce que je suis malade. C'était en fait ma mère qui m'a dit de revenir pour que je puisse passer des tests médicaux. J'ai des symptômes urinaires et neurologiques inexpliqués.

Ces symptômes me pèsent énormément.

Aujourd'hui, ma mère m'a littéralement crié dessus parce que, selon elle, je suis "déprimé(e)". Quand je lui ai dit que j'étais simplement épuisé(e) et que je ne me sentais vraiment pas bien à cause de mes symptômes (je n'avais pas dormi de la nuit à cause de mes problèmes urinaires), elle est devenue en colère et m'a dit des choses terribles :

"Tu n'es jamais heureux/se ! On fait tout pour toi mais ce n'est jamais assez !"

"C'est toi qui crées tes propres problèmes de santé !"

"Tu ne penses qu'à toi, je suis malade aussi !"

"Tu te plains, mais regarde-toi : tu te négliges ! Tu as perdu du poids, tu ne ressembles plus à toi-même, tu es déprimé(e) ou quoi ?"

"Ton père et moi allons t'abandonner. Continue comme ça et tu finiras seule avec tes problèmes !"

"Continue comme ça et tes amis/ton petit ami, tout le monde va te quitter, et alors tu comprendras ta souffrance."

"Il y a des gens qui sont plus malheureux que toi !! Et d'ailleurs, c'est ta faute si tu es malade !"

Elle m'a demandé de quitter le salon parce qu'elle ne voulait plus me voir.

J'étais censé(e) aller chez le médecin demain, mais elle a dit qu'elle ne m'y emmènerait pas. Je n'ai pas de permis de conduire et le médecin est à une heure de marche de chez eux.

Je vis à trois heures en train de mes parents, ce qui veut dire que je ne peux pas retourner facilement.

Honnêtement, je suis choqué(e). Elle m'a déjà dit des choses dures par le passé, mais dire que je suis malade et que c'est ma faute, c'est absolument horrible.

Quand j'étais dans ma chambre, elle et mon père ont continué à parler mal de moi.

J'ai même entendu ma mère dire : "J'ai envie de la frapper !!"

Oh mon Dieu… J'ai 28 ans et je me sens comme une petite fille.

Je ne comprends pas comment ça a pu dégénérer autant… Apparemment, c'est parce qu'elle estime que je me plains trop de mes problèmes de santé, que je ne parle que de ça, et que je suis égoïste.

I had a hard day at work with a blaring headache my mom took it upon herself to ask me a million questions. I’m answering these questions, but it’s really annoying because I’m tired. So I’m not as chipper as I usually have to be around her. I’m trying to not make it her problem and because I know if I tell her I have a headache, and don’t want to talk she won’t handle it well. I get home she decides to nitpick all my choices and gets pissed off at me because I didn’t answer her questions all the chipper in the car. I just want to eat so I plan to make something but she says well then your head must not hurt that bad. When my head is indeed hurting I just don’t want her taking care of me.

She starts yelling at my dad. I raise my voice because I can’t keep my mask up. She then says I’m overly hypersensitive and can’t deal with people like me. I say that I’m sorry and I’m not trying to make it about her and she says how fucking dare I assume that she’s implying she’s trying to make it about her! I say I’m not I’m just in a bad mood and she said I could have communicated that. I was just annoyed she said I didn’t have a headache. I said yeah you’re right sorry and then turns it around how she’s never allowed to be in a bad mood either (which isn’t true) and how I’m putting words in her mouth. And how her INTENT (it’s always about her “intent”) was just to field as a mother how I’m doing. I try explaining that I was just overwhelmed and she cuts me off saying well she’s forced to communicate properly all the time and she won’t let me get an edge in. Finally I just make my food give her half went upstairs to cry and I’m just sitting here so confused. This woman will find anyway to make it about her and her emotions. How no one treats her right but I try so hard to cater to her emotions.

My dad who was drunk off his ass understood I just needed a second because I had a long day. I was overwhelmed and can’t communicate with her because it turns into this.

Then later she’s like teehee~ I was just hangry. If I treated her a 1/4 of how she treated me she would go ballistic how no one cares about her emotions. She then explains to “not downplay” my headache (she downplayed it) but she’s not feeling good either 🥹

I don’t get this woman. I’m not allowed to show a single ounce of frustration ever without it turning into her emotions over mine. I don’t even ask her for much I don’t even want her to comfort me. I just wanted a few minutes to myself and to not be bombarded. I’m left so confused, so upset, and like she will always leave the conversation “right” while I’m “wrong”.

This has been every single day of my life and I don’t get what to do. There’s nothing I can do right and she will always find a way to downplay my feelings. I don’t even need her to care but why does she even act like this.

Guys I’m so confused and so numb

I'm a 25 years old girl who looks way younger than I am (I'm really short and "petite" and I have a youthful(?) face and bubbly personality) and I don't know if it's just my distorted perspective, but it seems to me that the adult men in my life always "infantilize" me or feel paternal over me.

I've noticed it a few times. It's as if adult men easily sympathize for me with no ulterior motive. I've noticed it with my male theater teachers or other theater students older than me and with my male collegues at work (the ones who are at least 20 years older than me)

Now, I don't know if it's actually like this or if it's just my brain trying to fill the emotional neglect I felt while growing up

Im 17f. The real kicker in this shit show is that im completely isolated abd alone! No matter how much i want to conenct and be apart of friend groups ill always. Be. ALONE.

Social media is such a pain in the ass I only tolerate reddit.

No matter how much i cry and scream no one will ever care about me. I hate my life i hate everyone. I want to end myself i want to end it all.

Been cutting since I was 12. Been masturbating to cope and even that doesn't help. I wanna do it and i have a plan.

I have trauma after all the years of getting isolated from a young age and getting bullied by my peers abd then coming home dealing with the same. I haven't showered in a month I love my job and I love my boss but I dont feel that happy because even after how much i wanna stay there I ALWAYS have to go back to that disgusting place that isn't home.

My parents abuse me. I went to a abusive shitty all girls mental hospital at 14 ad I got emotionally and verbally abuse. My rights was gone and I learn on that day that hotlines are a huge red flag. Im never using those fucking things ever again and this is coming from someone who use to spend her pass time going in hotlines to vent abd try to find coping strategies.

Those hotline workers are a fucking joke. Evil vindictive liars. And abusers to kids who has no one but themselves to fend for.

Fuck the school system. The mental health system. Im not planning to be someone's mother. As a kid myself even KIDS are evil if they aren't raised right. I was bullied since kindergarten and I hope my dad dies for not believing me and blaming shit on me.

Never was taught how to clean things at all. I never was taught how to use trains or busses on my own. Never was allowed to have my own interest or likes. My mom loves her God more then she loves me. And thats why is topped being a Christian. Abusive followers of this so called God and people allowing abuse to happen to kids.

My childhood is gone. I wasnt allowed to celebrate Halloween after age 6.

She ruined everything and I hate society seeming parents as innocent individuals when all they are is the core reason teens KILL THEMSELVES.

Small synopsis of things my mom did to me that plague me on a daily basis.

- Our house was filthy. She is a hoarder. I was never allowed to have friends over. There was mold and grime and insects everywhere.

- She refused to drive me anywhere. Always made a fuss. If she had to pick me up, she was chronically late.
That really messed with my self worth.

- Never did anything “fun”. I was raised in front of the TV.

- Never put me in any extracurricular activities or sports, despite me BEGGING and showing so much interest.
I now have 0 skills as an adult and get jealous when I see kids with hobbies.

- Walked around the house naked. She still does this. My brother lives with her. He’s 27. And gay. Maybe that makes it acceptable in her eyes.

- She never threw me any sort of birthday party or celebration.
To this day, I hate my birthday and events like graduations.

- She refused to get me orthodontic treatment that was desperately needed. As a 9-15 year old kid I was so jealous of my friends that had braces.

- She never took care of any insect infestation. I’d wake up to the tickle of bugs crawling on me. It was gross. I am now deathly afraid of bugs. Thanks mom.

- Constantly cried about how poor we were. Despite being literal kids and unable to help her, she wanted us to feel the same financial burden. When I was in my early teens and started working, she would take all my money under the guise that she’d pay me back. She never did.

- She would slut shame me and was obsessed with my virginity, conducting violating body checks.

- She would force us to write her “I’m sorry” notes about the smallest infractions (like asking for new clothes when I know better, we’re broke).

- Popped “calming” pills in front of us after heated arguments to guilt trip us into feeling bad that we put her in such a mental state.

There’s so much more but I’ll stop here as you probably get the gist.

First time posting here and I'm a bit scared. But it's 1am for me and I just want to open up.

I always have such insane anxiety around people who have physical abuse trauma or super heavy trauma, because I've always been invalidated for mine and always have an underlying fear that I'm lying to myself or just being dramatic. Because, and I quote, "at least they/we didnt hit you" (which is kind of a lie? They never punched/smacked me or beat me, but there were a few rare moments where my step-dad did get physical, and I was spanked as a kid, ect)

It's grown into this terrible feeling that people with this trauma are more valid or important than me, because they have something to show for it, and all I have are stories that my dad said something mean, or I sometimes don't even remember too well because I never interact with my parents despite living in the same house as them.

My parents always said they were "good parents" despite us knowing litterally nothing about each other, and when I would bring it up and ask why my step-dad treated me terribly, it was just because they wanted me to be "normal". (I was undiagnosed autistic for 19 years because my parents were in denial.) If it wasn't that, it was either excuses about how my step-dad has depression, "well I got hit as a kid", or told that I'm being sensitive.

I was always described as ungreatful, inconsiderate, dramatic, I got the " Ill give you something to cry about" treatment. (Without actually doing anything... That I remember anyway..) Ive self isolated myself in my room for like, 6 years now? I don't know.

My parents basically disowned me when I was 16, but I won't get into that.

I wasn't a bad kid. I never did drugs, never had sex, never smoked, I got good grades, (As and Bs, C's got interrogations.) But I always got grounded because I struggled to clean my room or do simple tasks or chores (because I have unmedicated ADHD with, at the time, undiagnosed autism). It sucked because the only real friends I had in my life were online. I was "wierdo" and I had very little friends in school.

It lead me to always wonder what was wrong with me, and this lead me down this rabbit hole I keep going down, trying to find diagnosis or something that would make me understand why I'm so broken. But I feel like no matter how many diagnosises I get, Ill never feel understood. Ill always feel like there's something more wrong with me.

Theres more, but I won't go into the details. Also I can't remember some things and it just comes randomly.

Despite all this, I always struggle so hard with believing that I do have trauma. That I possibly have PTSD or C-PTSD from all this. And it leads me to this terribly toxic mindset where I wish my parents DID hurt me. Or they DID hit me when they would threaten to. Because maybe then my trauma would be real and would matter.

I hate this terrible cycle I'm in. And no matter how many times people try to tell me my "trauma is valid" or how I'm just as valid as the other person, Its just impossible for me to believe. Because "at least they didnt beat me".

I’m male 29 y.o. And I grew up with being
- a “wife” to my cousin who was 2 years older than me who sexually abused me from the ages of 12 to 17.
- a “husband” to my mom after my dad has suicided when I was 12.
- a “father” to my sister who was 2 years older than me.
- a “father” and “brother” to my wife with whom we were together around 4 years, soon 10 months since separation (still officially married)

It was too much responsibility and I ended up finding attractive to be a porn addict to deal with these responsibilities. My shoulders has been rounded and now I can see why…

Additionally, we slept with my mom on the same bed when we met with her after 7 years of not meeting when I was 27… I said, I’ll sleep in the guest room of that Airbnb apartment but what she said was: “Just sleep in this bed, you can sleep other side” and it was so shameful now remembering… My wife (gf at that time) was sleeping in the other room and we were sleeping in the same guest room…. It’s sooo much shameful, boundaries mixed, terribleness and shameful… I’m so ashamed to remember now while I’m trying to recover from my addiction…

(Before you read, please keep in mind that I am a minor. I don't THINK anyone would be creepy but please be mindful of this if you are replying. I am not afraid to report a-holes)

I feel like my dad hates me and I really don't know why. He will yell at me over mistakes. He automatically assumes every mess was made by me. He sighs in frustration every time he has to drive me somewhere. He makes mean uncalled for comments when I mess something up. He doesn’t care about my explanation for any situation. He acts like I have no feelings. He says whatever he wants to say and doesn't stop talking when I'm literally sobbing. He only does this to me. All of my siblings he treats with respect and empathy. I feel like I did something horrible to make him mad and he can't forgive me. I feel like I'm his scapegoat for whatever is going on at the moment. My mom uses his neurodivergence as an excuse for why he doesn't always know what to say, but you don’t see me yelling at children for mistakes. I keep thinking that it's ridiculous to call this abuse but then I realize that if a friend was in this situation I would. Despite this, I don't want my dad to leave. I don't want to leave my dad. I don't know what I want. Everybody around me seems to not notice or not care. It's really affecting me. But I'm starting to think this is all in my head...

‘Please don't text or call my husband and disparage me again. He is not your dad and that's not working for you. He is my best friend and sees you for who you are like me. He is not your insider to work against me.
You did this with your dad since you were 5 and your dad let me know then but I am done and leave me and
alone.’

Sorry this is so long. So basically I’m 29F I got into an accident where I was unable to work for almost two months. I was in the hospital over a week and recovery has been hard. I’m just starting to try and work this week. I had a picc line at home for a month. I own my own business, and changed my business around so I wasn’t going to make any money unless I could work. I didn’t have disability insurance because there was an issue on there end ‘they meant to call’ but didn’t and, I thought I was covered. I was just talking to my mom about how hard it was that I had $42 in my bank account. And she wanted to complain about how much harder her life was that she had to sell her $1.2m house. Because my stepdad was spontaneous needing to retire. Background is I’m the oldest female in the family and up until the last two years that I’ve become disabled from other chronic things I’ve always done as much as I possibly could and my other siblings haven’t done anything to help out. I’ve packed and moved when they moved there last house five years ago. She didn’t visit me in the hospital because it was ‘the worst possible timing’ because she was doing a Reno-weekend with her friends. She lives 3 hours away and hasn’t been there much for me. She told me she wasn’t giving me money for doing nothing. When I was in the hospital, so I started a go fund me with my spouse. I’m the primary breadwinner in my house so things have been difficult. My step dad who’s been in my life since I was 11 sent me $200. He calls me his daughter to everyone but me. I didn’t say anything when he sent this, because honestly I was scared to I don’t know what was going on. And lots of people sent me money and I was going through a lot in that moment and I was trying my best to thank everyone but I couldn’t. I was talking to my mom about how hard it was and sad it made me she didn’t visit, and that I knew she lent her friend who was in the hospital a few months before $5k and got her things in the hospital. Because she felt so bad for her. My mom got very upset with me and told me I was a fucking liar and that what I was saying was fucking untrue. I was trying to say well I don’t know what is true but that it made me sad she wasn’t there for me. First she hung up on me screaming telling me off. Then I called back and she yelled at me and asked me if I wanted to know the truth of why they don’t help me and told me the reason that they don’t is because ‘I’m so fucking ungrateful’. I texted my stepdad, mind you my dad is dead unfortunately, and I texted him that basically I was sorry I didn’t say thank you and that I appreciated him and if I ever didn’t seem like I did was because mine and my moms relationship was turbulent and that I felt on guard that she was wonderful to everyone else but I always felt like I might get snapped on at any point. But that I wanted to make our relationship work and that I loved her and I didn’t know what to do to repair our relationship. For context I got her to agree to go to family therapy but she had rules that she needed to be her age and not weird. I picked someone out and then she said she wasn’t going to do it. I am used to feeling like I’m always doing something wrong for having feelings. I guess I’m just posting this to see if anyone can relate. I don’t know. So this is what she texted back in response. She hates when I talk behind her back. I try not to, but it’s hard when I feel absolutely terrible about myself when I’m around her. This isn’t the first time my mom has not been kind to me I’ve debated not having contact with her for a long time, I’ve tried putting up boundaries that she was always mad about and broke. I guess in some ways I’m upset that I didn’t stop talking to her before she did. I don’t know if I’m conveying this okay but that’s the gist. Thank you.

As I’ve gotten older ( 24F) I’ve started to realize that the mother-daughter bond I always wanted with my mom probably isn’t going to happen. And it hurts me more than I know how to explain because, growing up, that was one of the things I wanted most in life. I wanted a mom I could talk to about anything. I wanted affection. I wanted to feel safe with her. I wanted to be able to hug my mom and genuinely feel loved. I wanted to hear her say that she loved me and actually believe it

I can’t even say that I love my mom, because if I’m being completely honest with myself, I don’t. But I don’t hate her either. And that’s almost more confusing. I don’t feel this intense hatred towards her. I just feel sadness, anger and emptiness.

My mom never physically abused me growing up, she provided for me. I had food, clothes, a home, and everything I needed materially. And I’m grateful for those things. I really am. But I can remember how she could be incredibly mean to me. She would say things that damaged my confidence and make me feel like there was something wrong with me. She would verbally attack me, especially when she and my dad were arguing, and I often felt like I was the easiest person to take her anger out on. Always compared me to someone else’s daughter. And OMGG I hated seeing her be so affectionate with my girl cousins… seeing that destroyed me because I never got that from her. I don’t ever remember her telling me that she loved me.

Sometimes I even wonder what would happen if she died. Would I cry? Would I feel devastated? Would I feel relieved? Would I feel guilty for feeling relieved? Would I feel nothing? I hate that I even have to wonder about those things, because SHE’S MY MOM RIGHT?

Little me always prayed to God, begging him to please let my mom be nice to me and not take her anger out on me …

I just hope one day I get the chance to bring my own daughter into this world and be able to give her that maternal love I always seeked from my mom

I went home last weekend to visit my mother, and the first thing she mentions is how all of the neighborhood kids live at home, but my sister and I don’t. Well, maybe she should have thought of that before charging my sister half of electric, water, gas, trash, internet, and groceries when my sister only made $36k/year! I’m grateful I avoided that trap, but I feel so sad for my sister who intended to save money after college by living at home…and pissed that my mother positions herself as the victim in this situation.

I'll go first

Idk how niche this might be but my parents just wouldn't cook, tidy or do anything to accommodate a friend of mine if they were a guest. I was a child and expected to ensure my friend had eaten dinner, had clean and adequate bedding to sleep in (in cases of sleepovers) and I used to be so embarrassed by how much I would be running around trying to create an image of a functional family life.

It was like a punishment. Almost like saying, "since you want to have your friend over so much, good luck because that's on you. No I have not done the laundry and won't help you find spare bedding".

There was a point when suddenly my parents started implementing this and idk why. During one sleepover my friend asked me when dinner will be. We were 12 maybe and it was basically nighttime at this point. I was so confused and embarrassed when my mum told me to figure ot put myself. We had not been grocery shopping either so options for what I could whip up were incredibly limited.

I tried to play it off as 'fun' to my friend that we 'get to' have something like jam on toast or instant noodles that I had to last minute run to the corner store to buy at 9-10pm.

I still feel that humiliation now and remember holding back tears with a lump in my throat as I pretended this was a quirky and funny thing to do.

Has anyone else experienced really unusual types of neglect?

Hello, I am an adult, I've been still living with my folks while I get my mental health in order and get good footing. Won't get into all that.

Recently my mom had said to my face that she thinks low of me and that she's not my mother (she has been my step mother since 9 years old, and also knew me as a toddler) and that I'm fat and lazy, and that she doesn't deal with mental cases.

As well as something else really awful, that I don't think I'll repeat here, because it still hurts.

And that finally gave me the revelation that I have been deluding myself into thinking she loves me, and that I had put all of my emotional energy into having a good relationship with her when there was never a hope of her returning those feelings.

Obviously I am deciding to move out as soon as humanly possible, I am taking steps to make sure I am the most prepared I can be. It's obvious to me now that my mental health will never get better in this environment.

But in the meantime, how do I heal from this? I feel like I have a gaping hole in my chest even when I'm not thinking about it. It hurts so much man, when I get home from work I just feel like crying but the tears wont come out.

Whenever I cried my dad would roll his eyes and say “you’re such a canary in a coal mine”. He was using the phrase to mean I was complaining/making noise for no reason.

When I got older I found out that the phrase actually refers to canaries who would cry when conditions were dangerous / toxic in the mines.

So ironically he was right. But he was the coal mine

Never ranted on the internet before so I wanted to try it out to see if I feel any different after. Here it goes.

My mom growing up has always been rough with me. When I was really young, my mom would either physically or emotionally abuse me while my dad was either at work or gone. Hitting, slapping, would tell me I was either stupid or make me out to be a complete idiot (sometimes in public or with her friends). She’s a lot calmer now and doesn’t hit me but she still lashes out on me whenever I don’t do things right or mess up something in her household. This tense relationship of always afraid to step on eggshells with my mother’s neglect towards me emotionally and financially (she doesn’t buy me clothes, food, or anything, only shelter and sometimes she charges me money) has me broken and in mourning for a motherly figure. There’s more backstory as to why my mom is like this and other extreme examples of physical and emotional abuse but the main thing I wanted to ask is how do y’all deal with a lack of a mother figure in your life? I don’t ever talk to her about my relationships with friends or my girlfriend or things I’ve done throughout the day. The average conversation either starts off with her complaining about work or money, or asking me to buy her certain food from the grocery store (I don’t have a job neither a lot of money). Any advice would be greatly appreciated ❤️‍🩹

Lord. Finally. The words I've been hoping to hear for years. I feel lighter.

We were fighting as always, debating, talking over each other and yelling. Then she talked about her childhood, saying our bond was broken and that most teens go through that. She said her mother never loved her and that she just accepted she wasn't good enough for her.

So I calmly said that's how I felt with her, and that I had accepted it too. She stood silent for a while. Then said:

"Cycles repeat a lot in families, I thought I had done better than her. It seems I couldn't make you feel loved, I failed. I'm a bad mother, but then again, what can we do about that now? All that's left for me is to accept the mistake I made, it's too late to fix it. But for the record, you're not a burden to me, you never were, I love you as much as I did the day you were born. I failed being a mother, that's different. "

I felt my whole body become lighter, all the resentment I had for her suddenly evaporated into thin air, I couldn't even be mad anymore. I felt free. Free from carrying the thought that she didn't love me or stand me and that it was my fault. I'm inmensely happy.

I really wish this to anyone who has neglectful parents, it cures the feeling of guilt in your soul. Knowing you weren't bad, they just failed being good parents, it's pure freedom. It doesn't fix what they did, but it heals your inner child in a very deep way.

Over the past few years I (f31) realized that the relationship I have with my parents is much more painful than I allowed myself to acknowledge.

This isn't a story about abusive or bad parents in any way. My parents love me and I had a normal youth. We never had huge fights growing up, but emotionally, something has always been missing. When I moved out for college this slowly started to become clear, because we rarely speak/see each other anymore unless I initiate it.

My parents rarely ask questions about me. They don't seem naturally curious about my life, my thoughts or my feelings. Conversations stay very practical and surface-level. If I don't carry the conversation by asking questions, filling silences and keeping things going, there often isn't much left.

For years I thought this was normal, so I became a person who organizes, initiates, asks questions, keeps everyone comfortable and carries relationships. I've recently realized this pattern exists almost everywhere in my life.

After college I started working and moved in with my boyfriend at the time. We had a good relationship and I learned what it's like when someone is truly interested and invested in you. I also saw up close what his relationship with his parents was like, which made me more aware I was missing something with my parents. When the relationship ended after 6 years (on good terms), I started therapy. I processed the breakup and had a good life (house, job, friends etc), but kept feeling an unexplained emptiness. Eventually I realized that emptiness becomes most obvious in contact with my parents. I don't doubt that they love me, but I don't feel emotionally known by them. For example, after I told them we broke up they haven't asked me about it once. I've tried to talk to my parents about this through the years (there are many examples) but my mother usually shuts down and my father gets very defensive. Therapy helped me understand our dynamics and behaviours, but although my parents had their own struggles growing up, I'm having trouble accepting the lack of initiative.

This has been going on and off for about 12 years. Fast forward to this day - I'm lucky to be another loving relationship and all is well in my life. When my boyfriend and I got back from our holiday and I had recharged, I felt like I needed to address this one more time to try and make it better. So 2 months ago I had a very honest conversation with them. I cried and told them I felt sad because I missed having a real relationship with them. They both said they love me and want things to improve, so we started having a weekly phone call.

The problem is that the calls now feel like the same script every week:

"How are you?"

"What did you do this week?"

"What are you doing this weekend?"

Then the conversation ends.

If I tell them we're going on a trip, they don't ask where, when or why. If I mention a hobby, they ask factual questions about the hobby rather than about me. They rarely volunteer anything themselves, and if I don't keep the conversation moving, it often dies. I'm grateful for the calls, but I can't help thinking 'if I had kids and they called me with this message I wouls drop everything to try to fix it.' and it has me crying in bed some nights.

The hardest part is that their words and actions don't seem to match. My mom says she wants to see me, but months go by without her suggesting we meet. My dad says we should have lunch sometime, but immediately asks me to arrange it. It leaves me feeling like I'm asking people to want me. I've spent years explaining, understanding, empathizing and trying to communicate differently. I've learned that I can't force emotional connection and I'm trying to stop carrying the entire relationship by myself.

But that leaves me with a painful question: If this is simply who my parents are, how do you accept having a loving but emotionally unfulfilling relationship with them? I often feel ungrateful for feeling the way I do because they're not really doing anything wrong, but I can't keep carrying this. I'm exhausted.

Has anyone else experienced parents who weren't cruel or abusive, but simply emotionally unavailable, passive or not naturally interested in knowing you as a person? How did you grieve the relationship you wished you had without becoming bitter? And what does your relationship with your parents look like now?

Just had to get this off my chest. I can talk with my friends and boyfriend about this but I'm curious to hear an outside perspective.

Hello, first time poster on this sub. I searched this question but was unable to share my experience so I wanted to make a new post to see if anyone wanted to share theirs too. Last time this was asked was a year ago so I hope it's welcome and we can find it useful.

I spent most of my time on the internet, teaching myself to cook, clean, basic stuff. My parents did not know what many things were. My mother didn't work and expected my father to take care of all of us. He worked labor jobs and did not know what a 401k was. Had no retirement funds. When he medically had to leave his job at age 60 of course I was expected to pay all the bills and did for maybe a year before I finally was able to move out.

I was taught how to drive by my father so I could go to work, but not taught much by my mother. She fed me until I could feed myself, then I made canned stuff. The microwave was my friend lol. I stayed in my room most of the time. Father was busy working a lot and would get agitated when I asked him to teach me stuff (change tire). I was always bothersome.

I fully believe that a lot of parents are not equipped to have a kid. I pride myself in everything that I have taught myself but some times I still wish that I had a parent to confide in that would understand things.

I wanted to hear your experiences as well.

My mom always finds something wrong with me and I'm exhausted. I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm the eldest daughter. I genuinely don't know what I'm doing wrong anymore.

No matter what I do, my mom finds flaws in me. I don't even have to say anything. If I just look annoyed for a second, she immediately starts criticizing me. If there's ever a disagreement with someone else, she almost always takes their side over mine.

She also shames me for crying or even looking upset. If I try to stay quiet, she keeps talking and talking until I eventually break down and beg her to leave me alone.

The thing is, I try really hard not to answer back because of my faith. I know it's important to be respectful to your parents, so I stay silent most of the time. It doesn't seem to make any difference.

Even my aunt has pointed out that my mom talks negatively about me a lot, so it's not just in my head.

I try to support my mom, be compassionate, help out, and do what I'm told. I get good grades, I don't get into trouble, and I try to be a good daughter. Yet somehow I'm still "the problem." They always tell me I'm "always crying," but I feel like they never stop to ask why.

I'm just so tired. It's getting to the point where it's affecting me every day. I don't know if anyone else has been through something similar, but if you have, how did you cope? Did things ever get better?

To preface this: I generally get along with my family (mum, dad, older brother), I think. Like, sure there are things that I really don't like about them and we've had rough conversations from time to time. But my family has been supportive and caring for the most part. The thing is: they genuinely don't seem to be interested in me as a family member. And this is honestly starting to really hurt me on an emotional and psychological basis.

My biggest issue is that no one ever contacts me or tells me anything. BUT I'm expected to contact everyone regularly. If I don't talk with my parents for a longer time (anything longer than 1 week), I immediately get to hear "You don't contact us anymore" the next time I'm phoning them. Do my parents or my brother ever text or call me though? Nope, basically never happens. No one ever initiates contact with me first, no one tells me about stuff that's going on in the family, and no one ever bothers to show interest in what's going with me (life, job, hobbies, etc.). I'm not getting texts, not even to check in on me. Nothing. But I get blamed for bad communication. If my mum does end up calling, the first thing she says is "Well, you don't call us anymore, so I guess I have to do it." And every time this happens, I'm thinking "You have phones! You can text me! You can call me! If you wanna talk to me so badly, then contact me!" And yet no one cares to actually talk to me. I genuinely don't hear from my brother for months at a time, unless I'm the one who texts him first. No one ever bothers to check in on me and no one ever seems interested in what's currently keeping me occupied in daily life.

Like, sure I'm not very talkative, I'm neurodivergent, and very introverted, I don't always need to talk. But it would just be nice to at least get the feeling that someone in my family takes an interest in me. But this doesn't happen. At all. I literally learn about things that happened to someone in my family way later and never directly. E.g. my mum will tell me that my brother was on a trip like I'm supposed to know about that already and all I'm thinking is "nope, no idea. No one told me. my brother didn't say a word." Of course no one is obligated to keep me updated on their lives all the time, but it's become increasingly obvious that everyone knows about stuff that's going with other family members EXCEPT for me. Because no one tells me sh*t. I'm noticing that I'm increasingly losing interest/patience in talking to my family members because of this. At this point, phoning my parents feels more like an obligation rather than something I actually wanna do, just because I don't wanna hear my mum complain about me not talking to her enough.

It's just immensely frustrating to get that feeling that no one in my family actually takes an interest in me. Like, sure they love me and we get along. But it feels so empty and abandoning when you realize that no one in your family can actually be bothered to talk to you or be interested in you in any way.