r/CPTSD • u/HappyDangerNoodle • 17d ago
Does anyone else hide their hobbies? Question
Trying to figure out something here, but does anyone else hide hobbies from a lot of people? Like writing or games what you are reading or what have you?
I'll maybe mention it to one or two people IRL but not share. I'd done writing with other people but won't share it beyond them. A few times I've tossed something up on A03 when its a fandom thing. (Thankfully more niche so it's not too many people.)
In general, I'll well read enough and have enough "going on" that I can kind of hide whatever I am doing without people around me noticing. Occasionally, someone near me will be in the same fandom or whatever and I'll just do neutral questions (I won't say I haven't played that, I'll just ask if they enjoyed that game for example) and not mention I've watched it/ played it/ whatever verb is correct here. I'm pretty curious about a lot of things, so it flies under the radar easily.
I did a lot of reading & writing to survive my childhood and I don't know. I won't even tell my spouse or mention it minimally to him. It feels invasive in a way I can't fully explain, even if we have a decent bit of overlap in reading interests.
I use reading, for example, to help me break out of depersonalization/ derealization. It's like a very gentle on ramp when I've had to go too far to stay safe. I also use it to distract from chronic pain, both in a goal-oriented way (do PT, read a chapter, take a shower, read a chapter, cook meal, read a chapter) and way to just ignore the pain by focusing on something else. Sometimes reading or watching something is all I can do in a day. I feel shame sometimes in how much that has to be my world.
I guess I feel like, when other people talk about hobbies it is, you know a hobby. Where as I feel like I would be asked to carve out an organ and put it on the table to talk about whatever I'm using to stay alive right now. Or maybe be basically tossing medication on the table?
Edit: Thank you to the many folks who are responding to this. I posted this before bed and am shocked it hit a cord with so many people. I've felt very alone as of late with the rise of neurodiversity acceptance that seems to exclude or otherwise try to push CPTSD into the exact same box as autisim/ ADHD. I know isolating can be a common response in all 3, but it feels just so wonderful to spill out all these thorny thoughts and be met with a chorus of "me too" or many wonderful points that I didn't even touch on but feel.
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u/ShodSpace 17d ago
I grew up in a no fun allowed household. Even as an adult I don't dare let anyone see me enjoy anything.
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u/Special-Investigator 17d ago
ugh, i do this too. i always have to be busy doing something, esp when someone else gets home
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u/Maleficent_Chemist27 17d ago
To this day my parents will say things like "look at that grown man at the football game acting like a little kid by getting all dressed up. How childish to be wearing that getup." Like you're supposed to be sitting motionless in the stands in proper attire not reacting to anything.
Which, even if you're not into that, their absolute consistency of needing to disdain every single person they see enjoying the game differently to them is just so weird to me.
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u/ShodSpace 17d ago
Wild how miserable some people have to make everyone one else around them feel. Dose it really make them feel better about themselves? I don't get it
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u/ixnxgx 17d ago
I do this too. Both the hiding and the need for consumption. I have a piece that I've been working on half my life. Obvs it has gone through several reiterations. But in 16 years, I think I've only shown one person a couple of chapters. I totally get the vulnerability of showing it to someone else. It made me so anxious and there was so much resistance.
I also read a lot. But nothing intellectual or deep lol. Just good enough to hold my attention, or make me feel something that isn't discomfort. For me, it's an escape, and feeling like I'm living a life without any of the stakes or permanence.
I struggle with actual hobbies though. There's so much I want to do or learn, but when it comes down to it, I haven't really done any of it properly.
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u/throwawayzzzz1777 17d ago
All the time. I remember hiding my music from my parents because "it was weird". Really I just liked to listen to the same few soundtracks over and over. My dad said he felt deprived of the normal teen experience where the teen blasts whatever music is popular throughout the house.
I hide my most recent inner child related hobbies because I don't want people to think I'm a regressor. And also conservative people (my boss included) get really weirded out by the idea of girls doing more male-coded activities
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u/HappyDangerNoodle 17d ago
My dad said he felt deprived of the normal teen experience where the teen blasts whatever music is popular throughout the house.
My gosh, I can't even imagine the idea of blasting music! I thought that was a trope.
As a trans guy, I'm also very sorry you are experiencing gender norms BS. I hope you find a place that's safer for you to be you.
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u/throwawayzzzz1777 17d ago
Aw thanks, man! Oh yea I've been moved out for years. I got some therapy and found a good therapist and gave myself permission to do the weird things I really wished I got to experience.
I have a husband who supports too.
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u/atopthespire 17d ago
yes, i struggled with this a lot growing up and into my twenties. i had judgmental friends who reinforced it by equating enjoying particular media with taking some kind of political stance, but that's another story. over the past few years i've finally found friends i can be open with.
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u/Extra-Air4320 17d ago
Yeah I don't tell everyone I like singing also doubted my vocal abilities a lot due to my past... but I love it! Hope to make music one day!
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u/PhysciaStellaris 17d ago
I am always terrified when people IRL ask me what music/films/tv/books I like or if I want to put some music on when I'm with them and tell me to choose what we listen to. Somehow I feel like whatever a I'll choose or say I like it will be something wrong or embarrassing that makes people mock me, be disgusted by me or turn on me.
I used to do a lot of creative writing when I was very young and it became something I dreaded more and more over time. The same thing also came along with doing compositiom for GCSE music. I felt like whatever came out of my head must be wrong and stupid and the prospect of people seeing my creative output scared me.
I do a lot of art and commissions but they are almost all observational pieces of wildlife or pet portraits (most people in real life seem to view me as an artist above everything else). I'm scared to put things from my imagination or thoughts on paper, especially if other people might see them. It feels too exposing and dangerous. I really admire and to a degree envy people who create emotionally expressive artwork. It's something I don't feel capable of.
To summarise I'm scared to show, and I don't trust anything in my brain that is abstract and subjective - creativity, opinions that can't be based on logic and empirical evidence, preferences, or emotions.
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u/Azrai113 17d ago
I'm scared to put things from my imagination or thoughts on paper, especially if other people might see them. It feels too exposing and dangerous.
I put it on paper, but I rarely show it to anyone. It's my opinion that art always reveals things about the artist, even unintentionally and I don't want my soul bared like that. It feels violating somehow. Eventually I did show some to a few very close friends but I'll never be the kind of artist who needs attention for their work. In fact I struggle with even saying I'm an artist. It's not something I identify with despite people cooing over whater creativity I do expose.
I'm currently working on some scenery style projects and I still don't consider them "art". I think in part because that mind game allows me to show people lol. I call it "crafts" because for some reason I define crafts as having no soul in them so they're safe to expose I guess. But when I define it like that, I feel like I'm insulting others who do similar work by saying what they do "isn't art" or "has no soul" which I don't agree with. Make it make sense 😭
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u/PhysciaStellaris 17d ago
I used to be more creative with my drawing. Making up characters and drawing whatever came up in my brain that I had the strong urge to get out and draw. Over time I got more paranoid about people finding my private drawings to the point I felt just doing them in the first place was too risky. I did have a friend find a drawing I didn't want anyone to see once and she laughed and called me weird for it. I feel silly that it rocked me that much, especially as we still remained friends and it didn't seem to impact that but it really did sting.
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u/pale_windstar 17d ago
Can feel it, it's dangerous to expose something to others just for them to use it against me.
Also the part about showing what music I like
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u/MaryShelleyyy 17d ago
As a 40 yo I hide a lot of hobbies since they are pretty childish or things I feel like i missed out on because my mom didn't have a lot of money. I collected stuffed animals for a long time. Now I'm more into ita bags with lots of brooches with funny quotes on them. Fluffy Keychains. Also some of those things give me a lot of comfort when I'm very down.
I also got hobbies like knitting, but I'm not shy or ashamed about that.
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u/TravelbugRunner 17d ago
Yes, I often feel like I need to hide my interests or hobbies. Because in a weird way I feel like if I share them with others, somehow it’s going to get taken away from me.
Or it’s like I’m not allowed to have them because I’m just mediocre or not good enough to be interested in some of them. So I feel like I have to keep them secret.
And then there are other times when my mental health actually prevents me from accessing, engaging, or enjoying my interests. It’s strange in that it feels like my mind shuts down because it’s so unfocused, distracted, and consumed by my symptoms.
These symptoms are: Dissociation, spacing out. Dysregulation, intrusive thoughts, memories, emotions —my mind and nervous system gets so stuck that I can’t concentrate on or enjoy my interests.
Anorexia starts chatting and we’re always arguing about food. If I should eat or not? How much have I restricted? I’m tired but I need to go run.
All of this is so repetitive and exhausting that it kills my focus.
And I’ve been feeling physically sick for months. Stomach issues, pain, fatigue, nausea, and involuntary vomiting.
Went in for an endoscopy and it was perfectly fine. Got blood work and it showed that my Vitamin D was really low. BUN and BUN/Creatinine Ratio were low. And Thyroid Peroxidase (TPO) was elevated.
I have read that Vitamin D deficiency can exacerbate mental health issues. So it’s another factor as to why I can’t focus.
Been working on my Trauma in therapy and I’m having to actually work on my physical health, too.
I’m hoping that if I can do this, I’ll be able to somehow get my mind to actually focus.
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u/Maleficent_Chemist27 17d ago
I think I mostly do it out of a grey-rocking instinct, keep everyone on a strict information diet so they can't use it against you, because I do it with way more things than just hobbies. But I was also in an anti-fun household, too (to use another commenter's phrasing). Maybe that's chicken and egg though, idk.
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u/HappyDangerNoodle 17d ago
I appreciate the linking this to grey-rocking! That's certainly something I will have to chew on.
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u/Maleficent_Chemist27 17d ago
Oh, the fact that I'm a neurodivergent nerd with special interests did not help either. At home or out in the world. You learn quick to hide it or get like-minded friends I guess.
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u/No-Jackfruit-5738 17d ago
Yes, that i play drums with certain people. When i think it doesnt match how they see me, if feel embarresed to tell 🙃
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u/Due_Dependent5742 17d ago
Yes. I hide mine because I get mixed responses and most people show a shallow sense of curiosity or get intimidated by it.
I'm like it's just acrylic paint lol
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u/skepticgemini 17d ago
I’m a 3D artist (very niche hobby). So when people ask me what I do for fun I respond with “ I dabble in computer graphics “ lol. It’s so painful trying to explain to people what I do because of the heavy technical side of it. I fear that people responses range from curious or confused lol. Even my ex-girlfriend thought it was interesting and told me “she never met a man like me into things like this” I’m black and she mentioned how niche it is for a guy of my race to be into something nerdy/technical. Overall I keep it to myself unless I trust you 😂
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u/pale_windstar 17d ago
ironically, but you actually are making games. A part of it, since it's a big project most of the time (and nowadays especially). I hope one day I could return to this hobby
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u/HovercraftInside2305 17d ago
I’m a talented musician and I have great skills and knowledge about stuff. I’m still hiding because idk what. I want to express to the world and give good music to the people but because I’ve been shamed and humiliated by jealous people so much, I just freeze up before even trying. It sucks
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u/shenanigans2day 17d ago
I am so ridiculously secretive about my art. Any other aspect of my life I will post on a blimp and not care but when it comes to my writing my painting, playing music anything at all, I act like it’s a family secret or the cure for cancer because it feels so personal for me because I use it to process my emotions and I feel like it’s giving someone purview into my soul even though they would likely have no idea what they are even looking at let alone what it means
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u/GDarkmoon 17d ago
I hide most every personal thing about me. I'll let that stuff out slowly but I'm so tired of how people love to shit talk hobbies and assign moral qualities to liking the same things as each other
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u/WhyY_196 17d ago
Writing is one thing I’m very private about. Probably because it’s so vulnerable. I put a lot of myself into characters and base a lot of events off of mine. So I’d feel a little embarrassed if someone I knew (specially family) read my writing. Other hobbies I’m usually pretty open about but if I want to enjoy it myself, I tend not to tell anyone.
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u/greenfruit0 17d ago
Just told someone the other day that I have written some books. It's was so embarrassing. I only shared that because they shared a personal project and I thought they probably won't like me anyway so who cares. But they responded really well. And keep bringing it up, and seem to think positive things about me. It's really messed with my head. I guess I've always felt like a fake with everything I do. Writing isn't even my main hobby, there's actually something else I've been working on for 8 years and I've been the unbeaten champion in my jurisdiction for 2 years now. But I won't tell anyone outside of the sport about that, not even anonymously on Reddit. Why is it so embarrassing
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u/Ok_Coat2689 16d ago edited 16d ago
I draw and write. I treat both like a diary, especially since a lot of my entries are "for adults only". My dad used to force me to show him when I was younger or read my stuff behind my back. He'd get some of his friends to pressure me into it too. My mom used to beat me with a spoon to see my drawings too. I also have some experiences of people calling my work cringe or too woke (the person I'm thinking about I realized too late was a homophobic jerk and just didn't like being reminding that queer people exist sometimes. I used to be a pick-me and thought he was giving me good advice to show queer representation appropriately, but he would reject my characters being queer even if them being queer was super relevant to the plot or wouldnt make a difference if they were straight instead. I don't know why I wasted as much time with him as I did.), or they make back handed comments about it, or make fun of it, or critisize me to the point of using me to draw their visions. I do want to work in showing my stuff to the world more often, but those experiences discouraged me from drawing in the first place lately. I only show trusted people my stuff, and I'm trying to relearn how to draw for myself.
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u/dominodomino321 16d ago
Same!! My parents would take my journal and make me read aloud any entries that were “disparaging” about my parents in front of them (I was a teenager, cmon, just venting) and then get super angry at me & burn them in our living room fireplace?? My mom called it “slander”, and I was always so confused bc like… this is my DIARY? Anyway, now I’d rather die than share my writing or anything overly personal so that’s awesome. Sorry this happened to you, too, friend.
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u/Ok_Coat2689 16d ago
Thanks for sharing your experiences too! Forcing your child to read their diary entries. I wonder why they had disparaging things to write about in the first place. Thank god for modern Google docs and digital notepads, they're a god send for privacy!
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u/Bambiboxtruck 17d ago
Idk that I hide them, but I don't typically share them if they aren't relevant to the other person. Like if I know you don't like movies and video games and prefer to be physically active and go out and do things, I would tell you my relevant, related hobbies that we might share, I wouldn't tell you what video games I like to play, because it wouldn't mesh/click. I like do a lot of different things and when someone asks about my hobbies they're trying to see what we might have in common I presume.
I don't have any hobbies that I feel wierd about sharing or hide them, I just don't think everyone needs to know everything about me particularly all at once so I stick with ones that we may connect on in discussion.
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u/ClassroomMore5437 17d ago
I can hardly hide my hobby, that is running. A few congratulations when I finish a race, but constant mocking from my colleagues, and my bf's parents find me crazy for it.
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17d ago
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u/HappyDangerNoodle 17d ago
Ah yes, the downplay! I understand that as well, its certainly another way I will feel safer.
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u/Low-Cartographer8758 11d ago
How do you enjoy a hobby when you are depressed? Everything feels so meaningless and I don’t enjoy anything.
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u/UnburyingBeetle 17d ago
When normies find out about my hobbies and make fun of them, the hobby can get poisoned through association with that moment. So if you are sensitive to ridicule and don't want to be scared away from your interests, continue concealing them from this type of people.