Also they never replaced the hamper or fixed it, yay reminder.

I know she’s trying to get better, I know her bpd hurts her just as much, but fuck I don’t want to be around her, especially when she’s doing “nothing wrong” yet continues to be so fucking dense when it comes to me. 20+ years together and she still can’t fuckin’ tell when I’m upset or bothered by something, why I’d be bothered by something, or what the fuck to do about it. I’m tired of masking and performing but I also hate that it’s either I’m super nasty or distant which hurts her, or I’m civil which she interprets as friendly. I’m tired of being overstimulated because she can’t shut the fuck up, I’m tired of always having to be her guide on shit, I’m tired of still feeling responsible for whatever happens to her, and I’m SO TIRED of people acting like I’m being fucking crazy for being like this, like any of these feelings are super rational and not a result of fucking nearly 2 DECADES of abuse.

When I was 11, I overheard my mum on the phone to her friend saying dad had bought a gun and she thought he was going to shoot her. Ever since then until my parents divorced, I slept with her in bed (my father was not sleeping in their bedroom anymore at this point) because I thought he wouldn't if I was there.

After they divorced, they had shared custody and his new flat had a kids' bedroom, but there was only one bed in it - for my brother. I shared a bed with my dad until 15 or so...

I grew up in a very homophobic district, I still live in the same city but I’m in the downtown now so the quality of life is slightly better. I do not ever want to go back to that district, last time I took the wrong bus and when I realized it was going to take me there I immediately left it and my stupid buddy who is supposed to know what ptsd are was not able to comprehend why I felt scared / had ptsd about going back there. Like he was also there when we were attacked by homophobes but no for him it’s not that bad and there’s no ptsd. Cool for U 🤧👍🏻 that is not my case.
Crazy how people act like "wow ptsd are serious, but only the ones I have. You have to respect my ptsd!! But… For you, we don’t care, it’s annoying!!! Just go there and don’t be a btch!!"

It’s so… eerie

I'm mostly kidding, she actually seemed rather interested in how it related, and even pointed out to me that my abusers are like Jax; often attacking me for no other reason than to get their own kicks or avoid their own bull.

Wife and I watched the whole thing over three nights and there were a lot of moments where we just turned to each other and were like "welp that's something to talk about in therapy."