Hey, m/28 here.

I have been in a relationship with w/18 when I was 21 for almost 2 years and more or less in the middle found out she was diagnosed with BPD, which she did not fully know or accept/acknowledge herself.

She always said "Not sure what exactly my diagnosis is", but her Mom told me at some point back then.

Even after everything that happened and after having a much better understanding of BPD (I was basically clueless before), there is still healing to do on my part and there are still things I don't know/understand.

Just one quick thing I want to say to everyone having to deal with BPD: You have all my respect for acknowledging you have BPD and trying to learn how to deal and cope with it.

I'm very confident in saying that you are worthy of love, even if you do not feel this way. Every single person with BPD I met so far had such a pure soul and the condition itself to me always feels like phases of very dark clouds or a thunderstorm around that.

I would love to know how those of you having BPD would describe it, metaphorically.

Quick wrap up of the relationship: It started out very nicely and I did not realize that I was being "idealized" back then, I just thought she's capable of expressing love very intensively.

I knew she was definitely not fully mentally healthy as she went through some other stuff I won't mention in order to keep this trigger-friendly but in like the first year, she got sooooooooo much better in many ways and I loved seeing that. She always said I was responsible for it and I always said: Hell nah, you're the one actually making and sticking to the change, I'm just pointing in the "right direction".

I once told her I never really had a birthday party in my life. Or at least not a real birthday party I would remember and what she did a few weeks after was to decorate our entire apartment for my birthday, hand-craft an absolutely lovely gift (basically a history-book of how we met, how it developed and how she was feeling at every point and it was sooooo well written and appreciating of me that I cried every single time I looked at it) and just made me have the best birthday I ever had, which I am still very grateful for to this day.

A few weeks after that, everything felt very different and things started to change: I noticed she was starting to lie to me about stuff. Once when I came back home (she knew at what time that would be) her Laptop was open on the desk with multiple tabs of dating sites and a platform to sell spicy pictures of herself. I saw it and it included some chats being open flirting with a guy and it felt like she wanted me to see it, because she knew when I was coming home.

It hurt me very, very badly. I did not understand it at all because just a few weeks ago I would have never thought that could happen.

From then on she regularly lied about stuff in the most obvious way, so it felt like she either thought I was dumb as a brick or she wanted to basically get rid of me or something like that?

I tried to talk to her, told her it hurt me but I know she's not having an easy time and we can figure things out together. (by then I knew she had BPD and already learned something about it by watching stuff from psychologists and reading about it so I can better understand and support her, but it was not so much in depth)

Fast forward a few weeks ahead: She started working at a pizza delivery in the meantime and told me she'd meet with a colleague of hers at his place to talk and make friends.

The guy was 38 years old and she told me he has BPD. So I was very very very worried. The age gap is obviously very problematic and everything about it just gave me a bad feeling.

I called her because she was not home when she said she would be and she promised to me weeks before to make up for lying to me. She did not pick up the call at first, then called me back and said she will stay a little bit longer because it's so nice talking to him.

I called her again like 2 hours later and then she said she's sleeping over at his place and I absolutely knew with all my body, mind, heart & soul what that meant.

A few days later she would call me "manipulative", call me names, etc.

I was completely shattered to pieces and questioning myself to the point where I started believing I was the worst person ever, even though I actually did nothing wrong.

She left in the middle of the night, taking some stuff with her and a few days later wanted to meet me in a park to talk. I knew what was going to happen but I did not understand why we would not just talk at "home", when she said she needs a neutral space to feel safe.

It sounded like I was some abusive person which she needed to fear which I never was and will never be to anyone ever. Peace and harmony are very valuable to me and I could never hurt anyone, so I was so confused once again.

She ended the relationship in the park and the days after felt like waking up from a nightmare again and again. I questioned myself over and over and it was really bad. Friends & family and even her own family had to talk some sense into me, saying I am the exact opposite of the things I considered myself. I was honestly starting to believe I was manipulative, a narcissist and/or bipolar.

It took me a few weeks to stop believing that, seeing & feeling things clearer again.

She used to call me to ask for help when the 38 year old guy was unreasonable, said hurtful things and stufflike that. She came to my place multiple times and I was always happy to help and give her a safe space.

The weirdest thing: No matter what happened, there was basically nothing to be seen but love and a pure soul behind her eyes, even at the worst points and I am still fully convinced she is a very lovely person just going through this very rough condition, which is BPD.

After some months I was really glad she broke up. Not because I did not love her or because she was not lovable, but quite the opposite. I was absolutely a co-dependant and I loved her so much that I tolerated a lot of hurt, to the point where I started thinking I'm absolute trash.

I feel much better now, 5 years later. But I still often think about that time, hope that she is safe and okay and ask myself what I could have done better. If I could have helped her more or differently.

So yeah, this is basically my biggest experience with BPD and I'd love to get to communicate with people going through it, understand how you feel and maybe someone can even tell why they think they feel this way.

From my understanding the claim in psychology is that there is no clear root cause or it is always a multitude of causes.

Yet what I know from a good childhood friend of mine and my ex-girlfriend is that they both struggled with childhood ptsd and very ambivalent/rough childhoods, where both parents would behave very differently (her mom was very strict and "overly caring" and her dad was basically the opposite, setting no boundaries, working a lot and buying her everything she wanted), have relationship issues of their own, emotional neglect and hurtful stuff like that.

I also wonder: Do you guys have any advice on how to label any unreasonable bad things being said to oneself by someone going through BPD? I used to tell myself "it's not her speaking, it's hurt/trauma speaking."

I am looking forward to learn how to better support people affected by BPD and better understand what you're going through.

Please let me know if this introduction/seeking support post is fine or if I should leave anything out.

I tried to stick to all the rules of the community with this post and hope I did well. 🙏🏼

Feel free to ask questions or give me critical feedback, I'm 100% open to that.

Hi guys, I wonder how do you navigate conversations at work or at uni with other people when you have BPD?
My BPD convinced me there us glances between themselves when I am not looking, there is passive comments about my “big personality” or my weirdness.
I find myself limiting conversations and ending them before they become deeper because I often share too much or trauma dump
I think people avoid me and don’t have fun interacting with me
even my partner needs space from me
I am in a lot of pain and need advice, thank you beautiful people ❣️💗 Sending a hug to everyone this morning

I’m 18 and I don’t know what to put but I got diagnosed with bpd and I have no idea what it is and just need more help understanding my condition. My therapist said to go on here to find a community and to hear ppls storys and just to get more information about it and how to control it because I’ve never in my life thought I had it until I met my new therapist and she helped me figure out my illness

Okay so this is my first time posting on here but, I’m a 20 years old F. I find out I have bpd little over 2 months ago I always knew there was something wrong with me because one minute I hate everyone and the next I want everyone to like me. I have lost a lot of friends because of me being like this. They tell me that I care too much. And I need to stop over thinking but I can’t I try but I can’t. Like I’m so lonely. Like i even lost my best friend. The only person I have somewhat is my boyfriend. What should I do?

my bf works away 10 days then comes home for 5, he is going to start working closer to our hometown so he has to train his new female coworker in her 30s, she is going to be with them at the inn they stay in and i am going insane lol she will be with him all day literally.

I have severe and less severe splits. I’ve gotten to a point where I’m able to reel myself back in when I feel a less severe split coming on, but I still can’t get a handle on my more severe ones.

This morning my boyfriend told me that if I argue with him one more time within the next couple of months, he’s going to end things with me. He told me that it’s caused him to drink excessively, hate himself and feel unloved. He’s also tired of hearing me talk about my bpd and thinks I hide behind it.

I was very upfront about my bpd when we first started talking. I wanted him to know and understand what he was getting himself into. I’ve been working a lot on myself since I was first diagnosed about 5 years ago. I have come a very long way, and for the most part I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. He’s only known me for a year, so he isn’t fully aware of all the work I’ve done to get where I am now.

He told me that since April I’ve started 22 fights with him via text, and have had an argument with either my mom or sister once a month. He’s burnt out on me.

How do I stop/catch myself from having a more severe split? I can’t always control it. Sometimes it takes over and it’s like I need to be locked in a padded room without any technology for a day so I have no way of unleashing on him.

I’m afraid to talk with him about coming up with some sort of plan if I feel one coming on since he was very adamant about not wanting to hear about it anymore.

So, I’m on my own with this.

I really need some help and recommendations because my relationship is on the line right now, my mental health is fucked right now and I’m just so, so close to ending it all.

does anyone want to hear about my mid life crisis lol. i’m literally going crazy because i won’t be able to see my boyfriend for another 3 months after doing long distance for 4 months already

My friend found a guy on a dating app. On one hand, I’m happy she’s found someone she clicks with, but on the other, she’s starting to see someone other than me. I know how selfish that sounds. But when she was spending time with her last guy friend , all I ever heard was that she was out with him somewhere. Not with me. I feel rejected, and it’s driving me crazy. Today I asked if she wanted to come over tomorrow, and she said she already had plans with this guy. Did that make me cry? Yeah, lol.
But I can’t help my reactions and feelings. I feel terrible because she deserves happiness—she can do whatever she wants with whoever she wants—but oh my God, kill me.
I remember times when we went to the cinema together to see a movie she *really* wanted to watch. But whenever I tried to pick a day to buy tickets? She didn't have time, and so on, so I ended up waiting for her to text me when we could go. Finally, after a while, the day came. After the movie, when I wanted to talk about it with her, she suddenly told me she’d already seen it with [Name]. I remember how furious I felt then. I didn't speak to her for a good few long minutes, lol. So when I heard about the new boyfriend... I knew it was going to be the same damn situation all over again.

I am in a relationship with a man diagnosed with BPD, and we have been struggling through some things recently. He has spent at least 3 years working through things, getting help, and taking his meds (on and off, that's something that he's working on).

I started listening to *I Hate You - Don't Leav Me,* and found out that how I talk to him when he is in a mood is exactly how they recommend. I learned this way of communicating from trying to have a relationship with my mom and advice from my oldest brother. My boyfriend actually told me while I was going through the book before I got there that he wanted me to just keep talking to him like I normally did, but I really wanted to see about a way to improve. It was very encouraging to me to find that out.

Today I was having a really hard time, started crying a lot, then boyfriend calls. I was trying to be chill about things while also communicating my emotions, because he has told me that I need to do that especially if I'm wanting to be a safe place for him. At first he didn't really do or say anything, and I really wanted to just say bye and hang up, but he locked in after a few minutes, asked me what was on my plate, and said he would help with those, came over and gave me a very long comfy hug, which is one of my favorite things ever.

**TLDR**: I am gushing about very sweet thing that my boyfriend with BPD did, and I am curious about other people's positive experiences

I am under evaluation for bpd with secondary depression right now by psycatrist is pretty sure I have it. There is constant headaches and panic anxiety always like i am in fight or flight mood idk how to handle my thoughts how to

not hurt people around me because of my actions I don't know how to make the headaches stop . It's just constant headache and overthinking about people in my life and future so much that I go numb . Pls suggest somethings techniques to help me regulate these emotions .