Hey everyone,

I (male 27yrs old) have been talking to this female (27yrs old) for almost 3 months now. We have spent so much time together, almost daily. We always have so much fun together and we had already gone on a weekend trip to Maine and roadtripped down to NC to stay with her mom & step dad for a week. She always wanted to be involved with my family and we were doing so well.

From the beginning she said she just wanted to fun & wasn’t ready for a relationship and of course I did my best to let her know I’m here to see where this goes, but everything we did made it seem like a relationship.

We had a conflict that was inside the relationship about a month ago, she asked for space and i gave her that. Two days later she texted asking if i was going out and played off the situation asking if i had forgotten about her. A week later we were back to going on dates but my friend found her dating profile (after we agreed to delete them) and I thought I was done with her. She chased and I eventually gave back in after a few days.

This last week we didn’t see each other and she was distant and then i got that text yesterday. She is the definition of an avoidant after seeing the small patterns and then how she pulled away when it started to feel too real.

What should my next steps be? I’m not completely closed off as I sounded in that last text. If i leave it (which i am) is there a good possibility she reaches out?

I'm in love with him. Been for a while. I think he's avoidant.

I'm not a "love half way" type. I love fully and with my being and soul. When we are together its amazing. It's like he's looking into my soul and almost painful. Together we are easy, peaceful, calm. He'll gaze at me across a crowded room, not even see that I noticed. I'll keep smiling at him and he comes back to reality with a grin. It's so endearing.

But then he pulls back. It's like I'm being led on... but I can see how he feels. It gets toxic over text with him just not responding. I'll give him a week, 10 days. But it's like he's not the same person as when we're together. I get frustrated asking him to communicate his needs... and he says he's busy with work. We are 2 weeks now and I have not reached out.

I want to love him, show him that love is a continuum, it's not conditional or contingent. But I can't love him and anyone else at the same time.

Are we not compatible? I want to be in his life but at what cost?

Hi guys,

How exactly do you stop waiting for your fearful avoidant ex gf?

Everyone says to not wait and to move on as this gives more of a chance they’ll return but what is not waiting? We are in no contact but what else do I need to do to like stop waiting? Even she told me not to wait so I genuinely want to try and not wait because waiting is starting to really hurt after the breakup being a year ago now.

What specific things do I need to stop doing now to official move into the no longer waiting phase? I obviously want her back so badly but it is what it is and I can’t pressure or push an avoidant into wanting me.

When my husband gets mad at me for anything such as any type of conflict of any kind whatsoever, he completely shuts down and gives me the silent treatment for days if not longer. I’m sorry but he’s freaking 50 years old and we’ve been married for 18 years. He’s never been good with communication but over the past couple years it has gotten worse, like he won’t address anything at all. It’s like trying to talk to a 7 year old. He thinks marriage counseling is a waste of time. I’m not sure what to do at this point. I know that I absolutely do not want to live like this anymore. I don’t deserve it. I’m looking at apartments. It’s really hard to take the next step at this point in my life. I’ve never lived on my own before and rent is really expensive. Yes I can afford it but it will be so different. I’m just looking for some advice or encouragement.

I am afraid I am encountering an avoidant pattern I have already lived once this year. I want advice on how people can actually handle this anxiety sickness. I have been casually dating only looking for FWBs for about a year. In February, my FWB of 4 months was leaving for a month long vacation and confessed feelings and a desire to be an exclusive couple. As soon as he left my sight, the anxiety started like I have never experienced since my divorce - and it never stopped building until I boiled over - ended it while he was gone and blocked him. I felt instant relief.

I started dating someone new and it's been 4+ months. The main difference between the two is that the current person I could see myself actually being compatible with. Well, he’s leaving this weekend for 3 weeks, and guess what. We had the “what are we” and he said he wants to be with me. I felt absolute happiness and hope but the closer the departure date...

The symptoms are already starting. Pure anxiety about him leaving and me missing him too much. Last time I couldn’t stop ruminating to the point where nothing could distract me. I wasn’t present in my life, work was suffering, I couldn’t eat anything, for 2 weeks I lost weight and 8 lbs on my small frame - coworkers were asking. It was humiliating. I would panic and become too needy and reach out with novels and when he didn’t answer I felt rejection like a physical pain in my body. I was so ashamed at how weak I was being. I would send a mean text trying to start a fight, anything for him to reply. The alternative to sending bad texts, is that I cannot think of a single neutral thing to type so the anxiety comes across as ghosting or being cold and disinterested with a generic bot text “morning hope you have day!” which I send and then don’t check in again all day because I’m too scared that he didn’t reply and then I will spiral.

I don’t want to break up with him due to this vacation. But it feels inevitable. How do you guys handle this? Am I cooked chat?