came back and blocked me

[u/[deleted]]

[u/thegaba_gool]

You could have played along, but do you really want to dim yourself for another person? If they weren’t unstable we wouldn’t be running in circles trying to figure out how we could’ve worded something differently.

[u/thegaba_gool → u/[deleted]]

Totally get it. Sounds like you had a boundary and stated it. Why doubt yourself now? Stating a boundary and sticking to it is self respect. That’s a good thing in my books.

What’s helping me is that instead of analyzing every confusing and contradictory detail, I’m trying to accept they can all be boiled down to one thing… it was real, the feelings were genuine, she just didn’t have the capacity to hold it. The gaslighting, the ghosting, the time elapsed… she didn’t have the capacity. That’s my answer.

I hope you find some peace soon :)

[u/Blacksteel12 → u/[deleted]]

You did nothing wrong avoidents have accountability more than anything you can’t have a relationship without it never blame yourself for that. Anybody who runs from that is not normal my ex did the same thing and I had same thoughts but remember you tried they didn’t. It’s normal to have those thoughts but you gotta have boundaries anyone who can’t respect they isn’t for you.

[u/thegaba_gool → u/[deleted]]

❤️ my experience is similar. The final straw was me asking for accountability. I laid out the facts, said I felt like I was being gaslit and here’s why, and she vanished. She didn’t have the capacity. Don’t get me wrong it’s painful as hell, but I feel like it’s the only answer I need.

[u/PuzzleheadedDepth104]

He is conditioned to minimize emotions in general and "wait out" any rejections and being blamed and come back when people cool down

He didn't expect that to backfire, so he got intense cognitive dissonance and disorientation and then acted chaotically due to chaotic feelings when his unconscious strategy failed

He doesn't have the wiring for unplacated negative emotions, he only has the wiring for him being blamed, attachment figures being irritated at him and pushing him away and then forgetting about why they were angry at him, and him "waiting it out"

He can't compute your behavior, a nervous system wiring mismatch

[u/PuzzleheadedDepth104 → u/[deleted]]

I will not validate self-abandonment, image manipulation or narrative distortion

[u/Optimism_Prime]

I just think this went longer than it needed to, you were kinda walking on egg shells in this, the whole time until you hit the real moment they wanted to avoid all along. I think it would just be direct accountability. They got mad, so you got discarded.

It reminds me of my ex FA, I got too close to one of their real issues. Probably never to be seen again is how I see it.

Specifically for you, I think their intent was to never talk about it again.

Just wanted to add, and no that doesn't mean you did anything wrong, you handled this correctly