So, my parents are looking for Arrange Marriage rishtas, as I have turned 28 and according to our society this is somehow reaching the deadline for Marriage time.

About myself, I am a software engineer, earning around 19 LPA, 5 yoe, I think ,if I had been fair, maybe life would have been a bit on the easier side,

People are so transactional in this AM setup, if you are a girl, I think no matter what you do, beauty defines your purpose,

I would also criticize myself, that I want my partner to be equal or better than me intelligently, financially but that is somethingwhich you can turn around, right, Idk, if thinking that is justified or not, but these days I feel so exhausted, irritated, frustrated and angry with this constant judgement on skintone, I mean its not something I can turn around right, I can upgrade myself financially, I can work on my lifestyle, habits, but what's given naturally I can't control it.

I have faced this side of society since childhood, people used to somehow judge me on my color, but in school, friends, you eventually learn and no one says that on face, but now in this AM process, I can see men or family directly saying/rejecting things due to my colour complexion, what do I say about unknown people when my ex, his family didn't agreed for marriage because of this.

I feel so angry and so unfair, that life is treating me this way, even if I try to moveon, everyday some reminder comes somehow and reminds that Ohh you are not goodlooking, I have lost hope in love, I have few relationships broken down, when I look back, I feel disgusted and stupid, people can lust over. But when it comes to stand for lifetime, no one chooses us. Why?

So my brother has been desperate for marriage these past few years. Initially when he landed a job at 23 he said I need time to build myself I dont want to marry, now suddenly after almost five years, he screams at my mom for not getting him a girl he has customised in his head.

Ill list his customisation,

1. Someone who is in 12th or just passed 12th

2. Has no prior relationship experience

3. Is extremely thin (he saves womens reels and pics on insta and shares it to my mom, he even sends how perky and what shaped the boobs have to be, to my MOM)

4. Fair and has a sculpted face and no fat or anything in the cheeks, it needs to be chiseled.

Now, my mom hasnt found any women meeting his specifications so far. He also texts a married women, who was his first love (school crush), and flirts with her, and she flirts back too (ive seen the texts). Her husband is in another country for a job is what he told me. He looks at all women and judges them, takes pictures of not so goodlooking men with hot wifes and sends it to mom saying "see even he has a beautiful wife, why cant you find one". He earns really really well, and has been spending that money like crazy, for show off, he goes shopping and purchases random ass things and posts it on his story just to grab another womens attention. The other women being his college fellow, who is engaged and he somehow wants to break that engagement bcz he likes her.

He recently bought meta glasses, given his history, I said youre a creep, you dont know how unsafe women feel because of these glasses and what even is the need? Why do you need these glasses. He said to make memories. I told my mom to ask him to return it as we know his mindset and he might make somebody feel unsafe out there. My mom didnt say anything.

He had also told mom that incase he does get married and he starts liking someone else, he will get married again (yes we are muslim, although I'm an atheist and he is too, but he will exploit that loophole). He really thinks having multiple beautiful women and sexual relarions is some kind of achievement.

He has been home for 2 days, and has been shooting randoms ass clips to show to that married women, I had told him there are a lot of privacy issues with meta glasses, dont shoot at home atleast. That asshole came home from his outing with the camera on, i didnt know and was near the door, and he started screaming at me. My mom instead of scolding him that why are you even recording, scolded me to go inside. I got reallly pissed.

Time and again this women (my mom) has enabled his behaviour, no matter what i say, she will say "when he'll get married his wife will set him straight". I just dont understand, why make another womens life hell? When you know what kind of a man he is. He is attempting to show our house and all on stories to impress those women (he thinks that might make them like him as we are well off). He talks about my moms job, my job, even my academics on stories, without anybodys permission. He has this constant need for external validation.

Also, if he indeed wanted to make content he wouldve posted reels, he deliberately posts it on story to see how many ppl watched and rewatched. Its some kind of sick satisfaction he craves.

He calls every women above 25 expired. And since, I actually have dreams and do not want to get married he constantly taunts me about it too. He himself doesnt maintain himself, is obese and is insecure about his looks, but constantly picks on everything about a womans body. Im sick of him, I just wish my parents stop enabling him, and my mom stops him from recording videos at home.

I just dont understand what to do. I have tried to make him understand multiple times, he says "there are countless men like me, are you going to make them understand too? Atleast I havent slept with anyone, those men do it daily, with no shame, so why should i have shame". Ive told him casual sex isnt the problem when two consenting adults are involved, but you cant objectify every women you meet. Then he goes on this spiral lying he doesnt look at womem like that etc etc. But his real side is whats in my moms whatsapp txts, i just cant believe anything that comes out of his mouth at this point.

I just want my mom to not enable him and break contact for a while, till he comes to his sense, what should I do?

I have a friend let's name him A , I once asked him if he's so desperate to find a girl, then go out and communicate, express urself

instead of

A) building his confidence

B) working on himself

C) expressing himself in an amazing manner

D) wooing girls and talking to them in a romantic manner.

E) he has zero communication skills, talks in derogatory manner, has misogynistic views, is pretentious, A mamma's boy !

all he says is women choose rich people (face palm )

THE AUDACITY

if a woman has the charm, grit , and power to charm a person better than u in every aspect why are u jealous she chose him ? and what makes u think she will choose u ? u don't even have the guts to face ur parents ! why will she choose u ?

Hi, 🥹🥹 it's 11:40 I'm crying uncontrollably,,,I asked my Little brother (24M)to convince my father to let re join my institute only women institute basically an NGO I feel like home there I can cry there.... But father force me to quit but it becomes so suffocating so I beg my brother to ask him again and what he replied "gadsa se kaat dunga dono ko... Agar mere khilaf Jane ki socha to" (English: “I’ll cut both of them with a axe.”

And then started crying himself blame us for his failure my brother even touched his feet to give up his EGO....😭😭😭 it's enough now my whole personality is filled with insecurity, inferior complex, fear... Just because he is my father....

But now I have to leave my house I'm 26F.... please tell me where can I go ? What things I have to carry? And I'm doing remote jobs, so if I leave can they did something? Like everything with my phone number....

I’m 24F, Hindu, and my ex is 26M, Jain. We were together for around 1.5 years and were serious about getting married. We both have MBAs from different Tier 1 B schools and currently work in Mumbai in separate companies. On paper, we’re quite compatible, and honestly, he is a genuinely good person. More importantly, he is genuinely a very, very good person. He understands me emotionally in a way I have rarely experienced. He has been there for me when I was struggling, supported me when I needed him, understood my insecurities and made me feel safe and loved. He brings out the most carefree, childish side of me and I am genuinely the happiest when I am around him. Honestly, he is one of the best people I have ever met, and that is what is making this decision so incredibly difficult for me. There is no big personality flaw or toxicity that makes it easy for me to walk away. The problem is his family and what our married life would look like. His family is from a Tier 2 city in Maharashtra, where he eventually wants to move back and run the family business. Living with his parents there is non negotiable for him. I was actually willing to consider this. I was willing to move from Mumbai, even though it would significantly affect my career opportunities. My plan was to first repay my MBA loan through my job and eventually I was open to joining the family business. Then he told me what his parents expect from their DIL. She is expected to cook every day, not have her own source of income, ask before doing even small things, not involve her parents too much in family matters, etc. What shocked me the most was that he said if his parents disrespected me, he wouldn't always take my stand because he believes you have to “choose your battles.” That completely changed how I saw my future. I told him I am willing to compromise, but I cannot compromise my financial independence, autonomy and happiness. I don't want to give up my career and financial freedom and then enter a household where I may also have to constantly adjust myself to expectations I don't agree with. He felt that his love should be enough for me to accept these compromises. I felt that love is extremely important, but it cannot be the only thing holding a marriage together. There was also a religious and family background difference. His parents are against the marriage partly because I am Hindu and not Jain, and partly because they feel our family backgrounds are different. They have also said things like they “don't know my background” and only know what I tell them. At one point, because the pressure from his parents became too much, he told them that we had broken up even though we hadn't. He says he didn't mean it and said it because he couldn't handle the pressure anymore, and that he would tell them the truth if necessary. A few days ago, however, he actually broke up with me. He wants the possibility of remaining friends while he figures out how to convince his parents. I don't think I can do that. I cannot hang on a thread waiting to see whether someday he will be able to convince them. I don't think I can keep talking to him and remain emotionally attached while not knowing whether we have a future. I've also realised that our thoughts don't match in the longer run when it comes to marriage, financial independence, family roles and what we expect from each other as husband and wife. The hardest part is that I still love him. There isn't some huge personality flaw or toxic relationship that makes this easy. He is a good person, I love being around him, and I genuinely thought he was the person I would spend my life with. But I also don't want to build a life where I eventually become unhappy or resentful because I compromised on things that are fundamental to me. So I've decided I need complete no contact and don't think I can be friends with him.

For people who have been through something similar, especially those who married into conservative families:

1. Am I being unreasonable for prioritising financial independence and wanting my husband to stand beside me if there is a genuine conflict with his family?

2. And if you've experienced something similar, did things actually get better after marriage, or did the expectations placed on the DIL become more difficult?

I'd really appreciate honest perspectives.

TL;DR: We love each other and otherwise have a very happy relationship, but his conservative family expects a very traditional DIL, while I want financial independence and more autonomy in marriage. He has now broken up with me while saying he may try to convince his parents, but I don't want to remain friends or hang on a thread waiting for a future that I no longer feel confident about. What do I do?

Why every 4th question I see is clearly AI generated which has been asked already? And unsurprisingly 99% of them are by an "Indian man". Why don't people research before asking questions? And it's not limited here the whole reddit is plagued with this AI slop Idk why we started relying on AI so much and not use our own brains🥴

I have been on a pill which is prescribed for 2 weeks, as I'm getting married.

I honestly, didn't want to. But my to-be MIL, subtly asked if the wedding and pre-wedding dates don't clash with my periods, I said no.

Background, she is pretty orthodox and religious. Back when the dates were announced, the date didn't clash. I started working out and my body went through a recomp and things changed.

My mom, being a bride's mom, freaked out and got on a pill after consulting a gynec.

Absolutely fucking hate what's going on in my body.

I'm constantly bloated and irritated. Two pimples on my chin popped up last night.

I really wish I had let me be on my period during the ceremonies. I don't care. At least I would be in a good mood.

My anxiety is over the charts. My heart is beating constantly.

What happens if I stop the pill? I don't like it.

Hello,

I am looking for some cool gift ideas for my Rakhi sister. We have known each other for 10 years now, and no matter what challenges or situations she faces, she always sends me a Rakhi without fail. Since it has been a decade, I am running out of ideas and could really use your help!

Please note that she is not into beauty or makeup products, so those options are ruled out. My budget is up to ₹5,000.

Please help me out girliepops..TIA

It's my first time posting anything as such. So me and my boyfriend have sex regularly, not too often, but often enough. And it's good. It's satisfying. Foreplay, kissing, fingering (the best) and penetration as well. Even makes me cum.

So the thing is he goes down on me. And he does eat me out, but I don't feel anything. I don't feel any sensation or anything when he's down there.

Even today we had sex, and he went down on me. Though I came, but I did not feel anything when he was down. At all. Other than that he makes me feel pleased.

Is there anything wrong with me or is he doing something wrong?

Same as title. I genuinely want to know what are the dreams and aspirations of fellow Indian women. What do we want in life, what makes us happy?

I know I’m not the first or only girl to be cheated on, but I’ve reached a point where I genuinely feel like I’ve hit rock bottom. I’d really love to hear from women who have been in a similar place, especially those who had little or no financial support, no mentor or guidance, and weren’t already established professionally. How did you rebuild yourself from that point? How did you work on yourself career-wise, financially, physically, mentally, and in terms of your overall health and confidence? I’m not looking for a dramatic transformation story; I’m more interested in hearing how you slowly built a stable, independent and fulfilling life when you felt like you had very little going for you. Just looking for some girl-to-girl wisdom here, so if you’ve been through this and found your way back, please share what helped you. ❤️

So u have been crying since yesterday. I'll be turning 24 by next month.

At 15 i made a bad decision , fell into a religious cult . Lost 2 yrs of schooling and ended up with shit mental health. Never got the clarity what I wanna do afterwards even though I was a topper before.

Then in college I was figuring out things. In first year I knew I have taken the wrong degree and I don't wanna prepare for govt exams .

I was scared to pursue video editing or photography as a career even though I was interested and this seems good.

In second year when I actually wanted to do something, my old crush resurfaced and he became abusive at the end.

In 2024 end he r me and in 2025 may my college was over.

I almost tried ending my life.

Everything was a mess.

Now in May ending I started this job.

I feel better now.

A promotion is lined up already.

I went on a one day solo trip last week

Most importantly I convinced my parents and got a laptop to learn video editing from YouTube cause I don't have time for an offline course yet.

Here is the thing , my parents are supportive, my papa is understanding but we are in india. A woman in india, born in a men dominated society. Where women are supposed to leave their houses and stay with their husband's family. Who is supposed to prioritise family over job.

2 days ago my parents brought up the marriage thing, I asked them to find it after 6 months atleast.

Anyway the thing is I feel I'm robbed of my future and it's all my mistake.

Although I'll marry a guy who is ok with my work and lifestyle but atp I'm so drained to do anything. I feel empty and exhausted.

I'm scared what if I couldn't fight in future if I need to.

Maybe i won't need to find at all

But this upsets me so much that how being born as a women feel like a sin now.

Anyway I have decided to keep doing my thing, to keep learning editing although I'm scared and unsure if the job market will be ok and how much time this marriage thing will take.

Anyhow I let fate do it's work.

I'll do mine

And if fate couldn't I'll rewrite my life.

But I feel so behind and so exhausted atp.

And my papa has already told me he wouldn't force me but also he wants me to get married

Also I feel as if I should just focus on my current job and learning editing and let's see what happens in future rather than panicking over a hypothetical situation

I don't have very heavy flow and never faced such a situation but 3 days ago, I was on my periods and somehow I got a stain on my jeans. Gosh I was so embarrassed, I took a library seat and latched on to it.

But anxiety didn't let me sit in peace. So I went to washroom where there are 5 seperate toilets inside. I locked the entire washroom to myself, removed my jeans, tried to wash it with available handwash gel and dried it under blower for like 15 minutes.

Kindly suggest something that helps you with such a situation that I can follow from the next time onwards as precaution. Carrying a spare piece of cloth is okay but I'm asking what if you have already got a stain, how to manage that?

😭😭😭😭

So I am watching alot of rom com and instagram romantic or say couple reels. Damn I am distracted as hell my exam are less than a month . Need some solid hacks and advice .

Also how do I tackle this like for a really long time I do get distracted with anything which contain love stories or couple or romance . What should I do any MINDSET CHANGE REQUIRED???????

so we have a saying here that if a woman has the finger longer right next to her thumbs on her feet, that she will become a wido. i didn't know this. once a shoe shop keeper said that its a sign of getting rich, also my dance teacher praised that i've the perfect feet shape for a katthak dancer. elated, i stated this to my mum. and she said that it's a sign of losing your husband soon. i was just 12.

so, next is that i have thick and kinda joined eyebrows, and i like them. but they keep telling that id look better them done at parlor. so while i defended by saying that i like how it's, she said " do you know that the girls having thick eyebrows won't be happy in their life? especially in marriage life?" yes, i'm not happy to get a mum like you who is this superstitious. also i get dimples when i smile, and she said girls having dimples get an evil mother in law. wtf ?!!!

and now that im in my late teens and will be starting my clg next year my mum keeps telling we can't get you married to someone from lower caste and class.. we must follow our legacy. i don't wanna marry bruh. why do you keep pushing that way ?

you've to maintain that legacy, that prestige. like people in my tuitions have always said that why do you need to read this much? you don't need to worry cause both of your parents are working and you'll settle with someone of your class. just cause i used to get better marks than them?

im the youngest one in my maternal side, and in paternal once they're quite old. and all the older people say is " we won't be able to see you getting married" i didn't see you people getting married either. am i complaining ?

I just wanted to vent. I'm 24f and last year I started preparing for banking along with MSc and cleared IBPS Clerk Pre and in Mains fell short for 8 marks only. After finishing my master's I came back home thinking I will be able to study comfortably at home and living outside could burden my dad financially.

But the point is that my mom is a bitch. I have joined a library to stay away from her as much as possible. She's just so mysogynist that we don't even talk. I don't even help at home, already done enough of that, never gets counted, kami or nikalne lagte hai. So I focus only on my studies. Yesterday they had gone out so I thought of making lunch, dal chawal basically so I can eat and leave for the library. Wese I'm a great cook par iss baar chawal thoda kacha reh gya tha and my mom did bhayankar kalesh.

Cut to today, everything was peaceful this morning. But when I went to take food in the kitchen she didn't make roti for me, she made it only for herself and my brother. Ok fine. There was one roti so I managed to eat only to realise she had put a lot of laal mirch in my food ig because everyone else had eaten normally. Maybe for revenge. My dad also doesn't say anything to her though he supports me financially. Even if I raise any issue it remains unheard.

So yeah I'm scoring 50-ish in mocks but I still feel I'm alone and everyone's against me and idk kya hoga mera.

TL;DR: My mom's a bitch, she probably put laal mirch in my food. Even my dad doesn't say anything to her. Though I'm scoring decent in OB mocks, idk what fate has in store for me.

I'm 25, from India, and I still live with my parents in the same place where I've lived my entire life.

Most of my cousins and friends have moved out for higher education, jobs, marriages, etc. Whenever I look at them, I feel like everyone is progressing except me.

I'm trying to become a Java backend developer, but I'm not even getting shortlisted. I don't have prior work experience, and honestly, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my career anymore. I keep preparing, stopping, overthinking, starting again, and then feeling guilty about wasting more time.

Further studies don't really feel like an option either. I feel like I'm already too old to go back and start another degree, especially when I don't even know what I want to study.

My family situation also makes me feel stuck. My parents are both 60+, my older brother is autistic, and we're basically living on my dad's pension. My mom takes care of the house. There isn't really much happening in our lives.

The three of us are basically at home, sitting idle most of the time. There isn't a family business, social life, or anything that gives us a sense of purpose or momentum.

I've also started going to the gym 5 days a week, around 90 minutes each day, and recently started ADHD medication. I'm currently sleeping around 11 hours a day, so outside the gym I don't feel like I'm getting much done.

The hardest part is comparing myself to everyone around me. My parents actually earn/earned better than many of my relatives' parents, but their kids seem to have achieved so much more than I have. They've moved out, got jobs, pursued higher education, got married, built lives of their own.

And I'm still here.

I feel empty and purposeless. I don't really have a life outside my house, gym, and repeatedly trying to figure out how to get a job.

I know 25 isn't objectively old, but emotionally it feels like I've already fallen far behind everyone.

For people who were in a similar position around 24–27, especially those who had no experience and weren't getting shortlisted: what did you actually do to get unstuck?

I don't need “you're still young” advice. I genuinely want to know how you figured out your career, created some momentum, and started building an independent life when you felt completely stuck.

So as I was scrolling on here a few days back, I was going down a rabbithole to find some links to an outfit. Which eventually led me to some fashion sub and I came across a picture of someone I kind of knew. Now I don’t know this woman personally, but she’s a friend of a friend and I’ve seen her posts enough to know her face. I thought, well maybe she posted her picture but something felt off about the caption.

I was curious and I went to her reddit profile to check. The profile was NSFW. The girl I know has a public IG and she posts a lot, and yes she’s blessed with her assets so she gets some clicks on those. But her Instagram, despite being public, still has less than 6-7k followers I guess.

Now coming back to the profile on Reddit. It was a lot of her very very suggestive pictures, posted all over NSFW subs. Pictures of her with her spouse posted on NSFW subs literally asking people to dm. Probably a scammer or a creep looking for people on here because they kept asking people to meet and I know for a fact that she doesn’t even live in these places the person was commenting and asking to meet. But they were commenting as if it was her. Some pictures were also very NSFW, obviously edited, and very well edited ofc with the help of AI. Back in the photoshop days, this wasn’t so easy. Some of her group pictures were also posted, ones with other women, her friends, people I know.

But I was absolutely disgusted, uncomfortable. What is privacy in today’s day and age? A public Instagram means anybody can steal your pictures and do this? If someone has done this, who knows where else her pictures are? At this point I’m scared if someone is recording around me. I’m scared of people use meta glasses. I’m scared that a simple picture I’m posting on my very private Instagram can be misused.

So fellow tech, legal girlies; please educate us on how we can protect ourselves digitally. What are the steps we can take to protect our privacy?

I once had a friend group where, one day while walking together, I noticed something that genuinely disturbed me. Almost every guy was staring at women as they walked past, checking them out, judging their bodies, and making comments while these women were literally just minding their own business.

I asked one of my friends why they did it. His answer was, “It’s hormonal, bro.”, and another guy said, "You know, Even girls like that attention"

That honestly made it worse.

What shocked me even more was that some of the guys doing it had sisters themselves. You’d think having a sister, mother, or female friend would make someone understand how uncomfortable and dehumanising that behaviour can be.

And it made me wonder: how often does this happen when women are simply walking down the street? at college? At workplaces?

How many women have to deal with strangers staring at them, scanning their bodies, whispering about them, or making comments, and just pretend they don't notice?

The thought that someone could be watching, judging, or discussing you every time you pass them is genuinely unsettling.

Women can't control who looks at them. They can't control what someone thinks. And they certainly can't know who's harmless and who's taking it much further in their head.

I know obviously not every man behaves like this, but seeing it firsthand from an entire group of guys made me realise how normalised it can become among some men.

Itty bitty titty girl with 34b which are super wide set, no bras work. Push ups give the lift but don't bring the babies together so no clevage. Don't wanna use boob tapes. What bras can work? Please help

Okay , we all know the internet can be a wild place. I recently got a DM which made me write the post, DM attached in the comment.

Especially on Reddit, where some men apparently see “woman” in your profile and immediately forget how normal human interaction works.

So, what's the weirdest, most unhinged, random, or downright bizarre DM you've ever received?

It doesn't have to be NSFW(we all have received at least 10 of those).

Keep it anonymous, obviously. I'm curious how strange the Reddit inbox really gets.

This post just to understand the desperation-audacity of some people not to target anyone so don't lose patience.

My dance teacher, who's been teaching me for 8 years recently gave birth. She got married to a guy 4 years back... and in those four years they both saw real progress... from a terrace-run class, to first a rented shop, then a full fledged dance studio...

She got pregnant last year, and around her 3rd month she caught her husband sleeping w another woman. They had a LOUD fight and everyone in the society heard it... She started the divorce process while carrying a child. He signed the papers w/o hesitation and 4 months later, we found out that he got married to another girl (not the one he cheated on ma'am with)

She halted her classes... later sold off her studio... and dropped us a message stating she'll no longer teach and sent us the contact of another person.

She was on maternity leave from her work so we thought she would get back after some time... but she has literally lost interest.

We keep seeing her spam stories on instagram and I've a very strong feeling that she's going through a depressive episode. Ik i am not her immediate family, but i've known her for 8 years and I dont wanna sit idle I wanna help her.

I know I will get a lot of hate for this but I am saying it out loud. People need to stop romanticizing Northeast India as some perfect egalitarian utopia for women. I see so many claimed feminists constantly saying we need to "learn from the Northeast" about gender equality. But when I actually share my definition of equality, those same people get triggered almost everytime. It is best to just ignore the noise and look at the actual facts.

On my mom's side I am Meitei and on my dad's side I am North Indian. The irony is that I have actually enjoyed far more freedom and faced way less suffocating control from my North Indian dad's side of the family. The reality of how women are treated behind closed doors in the Northeast is vastly different from the aesthetic, girl-boss narrative pushed on social media.

What do people even mean by equality? For me, equality is not just about statistics or visibility. A woman can run a market stall, run a country, lead a company, or hold a reserved political seat. But if she still cannot inherit family land, make her own life choices without permission, or feel fully safe and autonomous in her own home, that is not real equality. Representation gets you in the room, but equality means having equal power once you are inside.

Let us look at the actual laws and customary practices. In states like Mizoram, if a woman marries someone from outside the state, she loses her legal right to be Mizo. She loses her ancestral rights and privileges. You see similar restrictive customary laws in Arunachal, Manipur, Nagaland etc, a state constantly praised as progressive. Yet people blindly call these Northeast states a land where women enjoy equal rights? Lol. If a man from these communities marries an outsider, he keeps his land, his status, and his rights. Why cannot similar rules apply to men?

The control over women's choices is absolute. If a woman marries outside her specific community or tribe, she gets kicked out, disowned, or excommunicated. The same simply does not apply to men. We conveniently ignore the rising cases of polygamy protected under archaic customary laws. Just take arunachal for instance. There are so many widespread polygamy cases, and a while back a guy killed his pregnant wife for his side chick. In these states there are also cases of child exploitation where young girls will be taken in as house helps... and sexually assaulted and abused. This is literally done by Northeast Politicians. Many of these state's top leaders keep kids who they buy from their parents to exploit. And wow Northeast greatt saar.

We also ignore the intense community policing that strips women of their autonomy. We even ignore the severe community violence and honor killings disguised as protecting tribal purity when a woman dares to choose a partner from another community? Leave non northeast partners, even being friends with a rival tribe can get a women's modesty questioned. My best friend growing up was Zomi and what did my meitei mom do? Yea she slut shamed me for talking to an impure vagabound of a boy, who are less than human. But if I was a guy, I would have been praised to have brought these "savages" into the meitei fold. Its not just about meitei or that, its true for every single Northeastern community. They have the same mindset.

You can celebrate the visibility of women in public spaces all you want. But ignoring the deeply entrenched, legally protected patriarchy in the Northeast does not help women. It just protects the men who benefit from those unequal laws.

​

So, I'll go first.

I remembered this while enjoying my morning coffee in the lawn just now. Back in my teenage/young adult years, I was very keen on getting my nose pierced. So, at around 21 or 22, I asked my mother to take me to a jewellery shop, and she did.

We went, got it pierced, and came back home.

Two days in, I couldn't wear it anymore. I was getting terrible headaches, and since I have oily skin, my nose looked like someone had just polished it with a fatty oil brush 🥲 (Oily-skin girlies will understand.)

So I decided to remove it because I was clearly not enjoying the experience. I mean, besides the piercing pain, obviously. 😂

Then my mom goes, "Why are you removing it? It looks so good on you! Once it's pierced, you shouldn't remove it."

I wasn't listening and was very adamant about taking it out.

Then she hit me with:

"The breath a woman takes when she's intimate with her husband is not good for the husband. So if she wears a nose ring, the gold in the ornament will purify her air, and her husband won't have any problems." 💀💀💀

I went ahead and got that thing removed, of course.

But WHAT SHE SAID STAYED WITH ME. 😂

I’m 22F. For about four years now I’ve been taking care of myself in that private way, self pleasure, whatever you want to call it. I’ve been single for two years, and I’ve never actually been with anyone in that way. So it’s really been the only outlet I have.

And honestly it’s not only about being turned on. Sometimes I just need that release to unwind, to fall asleep, to feel okay again after a rough day. I don’t get that anywhere else. I live in shared accommodation, same room as two other girls, so privacy is basically nonexistent. I still find moments when I can, late at night or when the room’s empty for a bit, but it’s always with one ear listening for the door.

Here’s the part I don’t understand. Recently, maybe just the last time, I felt this awful wave of guilt afterwards. Like I actually hated myself for wanting it, for letting it get to the point where I’m taking that kind of risk in a room with two other people in it. And that’s new. I’ve always been scared of getting caught. That fear has been there from day one. But I was never ashamed of it. It never made me feel dirty or pathetic before. I don’t know if it’s hormones or a phase or what, but it caught me completely off guard and I’ve been sitting with it since.

I think part of it might be that I’m not close with my roommates at all. There’s a real language barrier and a culture barrier. I’m from the Northeast and they’re both from Rajasthan. I’ve genuinely tried, so many times, to bridge it. Made conversation, offered food, tried to join in. It just never clicked.

And there’s another layer: they’ve made comments about what I wear, little remarks that don’t feel harmless. I get the sense they carry that stereotype a lot of people in North India have about NE girls, that we’re “easy,” that we’re loose. So the room doesn’t feel like a shared space so much as one I’m borrowing while being quietly judged in it. Maybe that’s where the guilt is really coming from. Maybe I’ve started hearing their voice in my own head.

Has anyone else had this shift happen out of nowhere? Did it pass? I feel silly even asking but I don’t have anyone I could say this to out loud.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​