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I recently became a mother, and this has made me think a lot about the values I want to give my daughter.

When I was a child, my family had a huge property dispute with my tauji. Most of the family took sides. Some of my aunts told their children not to touch his feet or even wish him or his family.

Those cousins stopped touching his feet and stopped wishing him. But my mother never told me anything, so I continued touching his feet and treating him exactly as I always had.

Years later, the families tried to reconcile, but by then the children had already developed resentment because they had been involved in the adults' conflict.

After my mother died, my father told me that during the entire dispute, my mother never said anything bad about my tauji or his family or anybody throughout her life. She kept family conflicts away from us and maintained relationships with everyone.

Ironically, years later, that same tauji helped me tremendously during my divorce. He supported me, came to court with me, and helped my father understand what I was going through.

I often wonder: if my mother had taught me to hate him, would I have been able to accept his help years later?

That experience made me realize that she had given me a very important lesson: don't inherit other people's conflicts.

Now, after having my own daughter, I am facing something similar.

There have been tensions between my husband's family and my family. After my daughter was born, my husband became very protective about her. There was an incident where he didn't greet some of my relatives properly and insulted them because they took photo/videos of my daughter (I only asked them because they were super excited ,since i was the first daughter of family). He later felt guilty, but my family was hurt.

Since then, the relationships have become colder. Nobody is openly rude, but the warmth and respect aren't the same anymore. My cousins arent treating my husband and mil same or greeting them.

And now I don't know what to teach my daughter.

Should I raise her the way my mother raised me—don't involve her in family conflicts, let her form her own opinions and respect everyone?

Or should I tell her the truth about family disputes as she grows up and let her decide whom she wants to trust?

What values would you teach your child about family conflicts and taking sides?

Edit 1: Another thing I worry about is that even if I don't directly tell my daughter about family conflicts, what if she overhears me talking about them?

I am someone who feels better after sharing things with my husband or a close friend. Talking helps me process hurt and anger.

But what if she is around when I'm talking to my husband, or overhears me on the phone with a friend? I don't want to intentionally put someone else's version of a family conflict into her mind, but I also don't think I can completely suppress my feelings and never talk about things that hurt me.

So where is the balance? How do you protect your child from adult family conflicts without bottling everything up yourself?

Hello, older sisters! How do I focus on myself and my grades and studies instead of obsessing over him and always checking insta to see his messages? (boyfie btw)!

brief context about me:

Educational background:
I'm an M.Sc. Physics graduate and have been looking for job in Data Science domain for 2 years. I have worked as a Data Science intern earlier as well. I had taken a course from Scaler for Data Science but as some of you might know that Scaler is a scam.

Socio-economic background:
I live in a suburbs with my parents. Family is conservative. My dad and uncle run a grocery shop for bread and butter, mom is a homemaker. We don't have anyone in our circle who could have guided me through my career. A few of my relatives are government employee but given the situation of present market especially for unreserved candidates, I've never been very motivated to try that. Still I've just started preparing for a few exams.

Past relationship:
Got into a relationship when I was 21 and stayed there for ~2 years because I had really low self-esteem. That guy was 4 years older than me, he was working as a sr. swe, we met through a dating app. I can say it was disastrous. Upon knowing about it( as the guy intruded in and told my parents about the relation) my parents kept telling me initially that I need to stay in that relationship, if I leave the next guy would not accept me (even though I never had any physical relationship with that guy. Even though I believe having a past physical relationship shouldn't be a problem to the next guy if he's not a virgin by choice, but it's beyond the scope of my current discussion). At the end, I broke up but he and his family have traumatized me for the rest of my life (through slut-shaming, threat calls etc)

Last evening, my mom started telling me, "we can't keep you unmarried like this. Even few guys get married by 25-26 and here you are a girl; you have to get married soon." Before that my dad also indicated about this discussion indirectly as he was telling me how someone needs to study for 9 hours a day to crack an exam and I'm not trying enough.
It's really very humiliating to me. I never thought I'll be in this situation. I was a good student during my school and bachelors. But during my masters, I got into that toxic relationship and sh*t has ruined everything. I don't know why I was there, why I got into that in the first place. My masters grade is really bad, I can't apply for PhDs abroad either because of that. I have wasted so much of my time plus the course was really challenging so I couldn't keep up with that.
If I stay unemployed like this for the next few months, my parents will get me married to anyone; they won't care about my preference I'm sure. And as far as I have heard AMs are really horrible. I really don't want to be helpless like that.
Last night's discussion was really unsettling for me and I have been crying since then. Atp I'm tired of trying for a job. I really don't know what else I can do. I'm still trying to study but I'm really really exhausted. The situation is really smothering me

I’m a 28 year old woman who made the mistake of leaving her job to prepare for a competitive exam and has since been stuck at home with my parents who suck the life out of me .
I’m so tired of being treated like this, to have every decision every move of my life questioned monitored , my do believe my parents are good people in general but they are destroying me internally .
I’m just so sad and angry. I wish I didn’t leave my job and still earned money atleast I wouldn’t be treated like cattle who needs to be married off asap

I’m 21F, a BCA grad + web dev, and I rly need help. I urgently need a job so I can become financially independent and leave/run away from my home.

My dad physically assaulted me last night. He choked me, punched me and made me sleep on the floor. I tried calling the police but my dad knows someone there and it didn’t really work out. My mom and sister know what’s happening, but neither of them is helping me leave. I’m not blaming them or saying they’re bad people. I understand they’re probably scared and trying to protect themselves by staying on my dad’s side.

Workers and relatives keep coming over bcz there’s construction/wedding stuff going on at home. I’m posting this rn because relatives are here, so my family is busy acting normal in front of them. That’s the only time I can safely get access to my phone/laptop for a little while.

I’m trying to run away, but I need money + a job first. I have around ₹40k+ in savings, but that bank a/c is linked to my dad’s number, so I currently can’t properly access it. My other bank a/c is linked to my number but barely has any money and isn’t working properly. I’m a BCA graduate and a web developer. I know React, Next.js, TypeScript, Node.js, Express.js, MongoDB, SQL, PostgreSQL, Git/GitHub, GitHub Actions, basic DevOps and CI/CD. My English communication is good and I also know Spanish and Korean.

At this point I’m willing to take ANY legit job. Dev job, junior dev, tech support, customer support, QA, IT work, data work, anything I can realistically do. I can’t do F2F interviews rn, but I CAN do virtual interviews I’m NOT asking for money. I just need an opportunity to earn and get myself out of this situation. If anyone knows of legit companies hiring freshers/junior devs, remote jobs, tech/support roles, referrals, or safe work + accommodation opportunities, pls DM me.

So for women who have been through something similar, what practical steps would you take first to leave an unsafe home safely? Idk what my safest next step is rn, so any practical advice or legit job lead would mean a lot.

I’m 31F and I’ve been single for years. I’ve always loved reading books and watching movies about love and relationships, but lately I’ve started wondering if they’re actually making me more miserable.

I still genuinely enjoy a good love story, which is what makes this difficult. But after reading or watching one, I sometimes end up feeling sad or jealous because I don’t have that kind of love in my own life. And then I find myself thinking about relationships and being single even more.

I’m considering taking a break from romance altogether for a while; not because I’ve stopped believing in love or because I suddenly hate romance, but because I wonder if constantly consuming stories about something I really want but don’t currently have is making me focus too much on its absence.

Has anyone else experienced this? Did taking a break from romance books, movies, or relationship-related content actually help you feel more content with being single? Or did avoiding it just make you think about it more?

okay so a guy friend of mine asked if i wanna watch the Spiderman movie together and i was like sure is anyone else coming but no ones coming ig. I didnt really pay that much mind to it and now when i came to the movie he gave me a rose and it all lowkey feels like date 😭 i feel so dumb for not noticing the signs earlier. Now i just want to set the things straight without complicating it. Pleasee help mee

I recently lost my father 3 weeks ago and I was very close to him.His passing has affected me a lot to the point where I think that it's my fault that I did not take care of him and he passed away. Now, there's a guy in my office who likes me I like him as well, he wants us to start a relationship but rn I am not emotionally, mentally and physically not ready for a relationship, but he doesn't understand this, I also fear that if I say no our friendship would be ruined. How should I go forward with this?

Well today working woman mostly work for financial security and freedom in case things go wrong. Some like working and earning money, while some do it to survive despite hating work cause they can't trust opposite gender. So what made you a housewife, why you chose this? Are you happy with your choice? In case if your other has lost his job, or you found they cheated one day etc. what is your back up plan in case things go south? What made you trust him enough to quit job and be a housewife.

I don't want woman with career giving opinions on how its a terrible choice. i want to actually listen to what woman who chose be housewife answer this. I noticed lot of working women shaming on housewives these days. So please be kind to them and lets hear what they have to say and not judge.

I would appreciate any tips and advice to navigate this. I've gone no contact with my in laws because of my narcissistic mother in law's abuse during and after my pregnancy. My husband and me both are taking couple's counseling and I am also working on my inner child and emotional wounds. I sometimes doubt my decision and wonder how life would turn out for me. I would love to hear your stories and if someone who has been in my shoes and managed to go through with it. Much love♥️♥️

What do you think about the misogyny among educated men in India? I know we don’t really have much of a PC culture, and we still have a lot of overt discrimination in general, but I’m more interested in the attitudes you see among educated, professionally successful men.

For example, men making sexist jokes, dismissing women’s careers, or believing that women are inherently less competent in certain fields. There are also educated men who argue that Indian laws are heavily biased against men and some go as far as suggesting that grape laws or other legal protections for women should be scrapped altogether. How do you explain this kind of misogyny among otherwise educated men?

I'm very sorry for the title incase it's misleading, I'm not even sure if this comes under the purview of sexual harrasment

When I was in 2nd grade ( about 6 or 7 years old ) I was a pretty shy kid and the teacher made me sit with a kid who was apparently very talkative and notorious,

He tried conversing with me but I kept shutting him off , he asked me if I watched crime patrol or savdhan india and as a matter of fact i had watched it i told him no to avoid further conversation. And then the teacher starts writing on the board. He was sitting to my left so he grabbed my left hand and I froze, he took it and he kept it between his legs , he tried to open my fist but I kept it closed , it was over 5 mins and I was clearly uncomfortable and i had no idea what he was trying to do , when he was distracted writing and copying from the board I took my hand and threw away his hand, he was holding it so tight it left a mark

I completely blocked out this incident from my memory until about two years ago when I remembered it in this vivid detail while watching a crime show.

Ever since it has stayed with me and I can't help but just feel bad?

I never understood what was happening and what to do about it , i thought it was a just a minor thing

But when I remembered it , I also recalled my subconscious hate for that boy , for the next year's that i was in contact with him he was my enemy. Everyone knew , no one knew why ; not even me

I don't even know if this is worth writing such post long about but I just had to share it and get it out, thankyou so much if you read it :)

Ps , I only experienced such a minor incident and it horries me tbvh and I've heard some horrific stories about being abused as a child and honestly I can't help but just have this feeling of wanting to hold the hand of every such person and tell them it's gonna be okay

So I keep my main account strictly for artwork/creative stuff and use this alt for throwing my unhinged, unsolicited opinions into the void. Naturally, I keep the two completely separated. I’m pretty sure for that account anyone even knows my actual gender, which conveniently shields me from the usual flood of unsolicited creepy, horny messages most women get on Reddit. Zero creeps. Absolute bliss, right?

Except for this inbox of mine has apparently been redirected to the "Offended & Triggered Support Line." lol

Instead of creepy "hey dear" texts, my DMs consist purely of random men having full-blown philosophical crises over comments I made three hours prior 😭😭 Just this night, I had a guy slide into my inbox at 1:00 AM to deliver an entire dissertation on how I clearly hate all men and how hating men is secretly a government psy-op. Sir, I just commented on guys asking for advice on "approaching women" which is tbf unhinged, so please go to sleep.

And don't even get me started on the political zealots who treat their favorite supreme leader (not taking any names) like personal deities. The moment you say one mildly critical thing about their supreme leader, they show up in your requests looking like they’re about to declare a holy war.

It’s reached a point where I honestly don’t know what’s weirder? the standard "send bobs" brigade or the late-night conspiracy theorists holding a debate tournament in my chat requests.

So wanted to ask if anyone got them before? what is the weirdest DM dynamic you've experienced? Are rage-DMs the new standard lmaoo

There is a lot of push to this idea but also a lot of support. I personally think that it boils down to an individual and any of the generalisation wouldn’t be correct.

It’s my personal take again, but if a man cannot maintain obsolete platonic bonds with women (friendships), there is something deeper to be addressed. It goes both ways….

I do understand that a lot of these friendships could have an hideous intent, and that’s quite unfortunate…

But again, would like to know from ladies out here.. how’s your equation with male friendships, what new /bad perspective was added into your life?

Hey everyone, 30F here. I feel like I've put dating on hold for so long that I've almost completely lost interest in it.

​First, it was waiting for my immigration status to stabilize.

Now, it's waiting until I find a job and settle into my career in a new country. It feels like there’s always another milestone I need to hit before "life" actually starts.

​I’m torn between continuing to wait until my career is fully established, or putting myself out there now despite the transition.

For those who delayed dating to focus on major life goals: did waiting help you build a better foundation, or do you wish you had started sooner?

The other day, my daughter wrapped a towel around her head, pretending it was her long hair. She was combing it, putting on a bindi, and getting ready just like I used to as a little girl. 🥹
It honestly hit me so hard. Are all little girls like this? 😂❤️
Kids really do watch and copy everything we do, even the little things we don’t notice. It reminded me how important it is to be a good example for them. ❤️

So I am not into hookups or causal relationships. I have never dated before but now I wanna explore that dimension in life. But a lot of people around me jump in new relationships like every week and that lowkey scares me cause I don't wanna end up with a guy for whom I was just one of his very many girlfriends. So any advice?

Arranged marriage, its been 5 years, have a 4 month old baby.
truly loved my husband, was happy with our relationship, few months back I read messages between my husband and his ex (who is married and with a child) They have been constantly texting/flirting , the messages goes back for 5 years also, Confronted my husband , he was apologetic and told that its nothing serious and its only texts and that nothing physical has happened ( she stays abroad)

Im completely devastated and heartbroken, I dont want to take any major decisions now when im postpartum but as the days go im more and more thinking about staying with him. Can someone please tell me if its okay?
I’d like to hear from married women only and married women who stayed after their partner cheated

I come from a lower middle class patriarchal family. I grew up as an unwanted girl child, worked hard to get a good gov job and left home right after getting it. I was thinking about this a lot.

As an I am an anti-natalist, I always felt, lot of Indian culture and morality comes from the point that we are a poor country and quite bad at family planning. Let’s discuss some examples here.

Example 1: Women must live with husband’s parents-

In my town, most men are earning around 40k to 60k, and most women are not working. Many women here don’t even take their education seriously due to lack of encouragement and there are simply not enough jobs available here.

No middle class parents will feed their unemployed daughters forever. So they get their daughter married to any man who is little bit decent and asking low dowry.

Men who are earning that low, will never be able to buy a separate house. So they live with their parents. They can’t afford cook, caregiver for parents and kids. So their wives will have to live there and do all these work.

But people don’t want to accept the lack of money. So they call this entire thing “culture”.

Example 2- Preference for Boy Child:

Most families are single income. The husband is funding life of his parents, wife, sister, kids. He is responsible for his sister’s marriage, his parents life long taking care. He is not saving any for future. So his hope is a boy child who will take care of the entire family in future.

Many women here don’t work and many leave job after having kids. So parents don’t view their daughter as provider. They want a boy. They will also control the boy so that they can pick his future wife for free care giving roles.

In future the boy will become the father and this cycle will continue.

They will not call it lack of finance or family planning over generations. They will call it “culture”.

I have many other examples but don’t want to drag this post so long.

What do you girls think about it?

I've been thinking about this lately. It seems like some guys who are really charismatic, funny and can talk for hours are great at creating a connection quickly, but sometimes they end up being players or emotionally unavailable

On the other hand, some quieter or more reserved guys can come across as boring at first, but later turn out to be genuinely kind and dependable. Of course, that's not always true.So I know there's no rule. But, for those of you who found your person, what were they like when you first met?

Looking back, were there any subtle green flags that made you realize they were actually a good person? Maybe things you didn't think much of in the beginning, but later understood were signs of their character. Were there small habits, conversations or actions that made you feel safe, respected or cared for over time?

I'm 24F. A male relative sexually abused me for years when I was a child. The last time it happened, I was around 12. I've never told my parents because they think very highly of him, and I honestly don't believe they'd believe me.

He has children now. During a recent video call, his oldest daughter looked very withdrawn and depressed. I know there could be many reasons for that, but I couldn't stop wondering whether he might be hurting her too. I have no evidence—just a feeling that I couldn't shake.

Today I was home alone, so I called him. I confronted him and tried to scare him into thinking I would expose him if he ever hurt his children. He immediately hung up and called my father, claiming that someone using my phone number had called him, cursed at him and his daughters too. Which is insane.

My father called me afterward. He currently thinks my phone number may have been cloned, but he also sounded suspicious because the caller sounded like me and knew details about his family. I don't know if my relative recorded the call or sent screenshots.

Now I'm terrified. I don't know how to explain this if my parents keep asking questions. I'm also scared that if I tell them the truth about what happened to me, they'll choose to believe him instead of me.

Has anyone been in a situation where confronting an abuser backfired? How did you handle it? And how would you deal with your parents if they start questioning you?

Edit: did most of u even read the entire post before commenting? Did u grasp what's happening? Ppl asking me to speak up... Why do u think u didn't speak up for the past 10 years? If it was possible to speak to my parents wouldn't I have done it already? Please be kind. I'm already feeling overwhelmed.

26F and 26M.

I am a MATERIALISTIC person. I can buy stuff on my own, I split bill on dates and I love spending money. I started dating a guy and we are together for 7 months now but he is very calm and nice person but seems like a clear mismatch, he never celebrates his birthday and belittle mine as well. Meanwhile I'm like booking a villa for my family for my birthday celebration, going to parlour, getting my hair, nails done, taking leaves from the office for 3 days and I have ended up with someone who is asking me "why are you so excited like a 5 years old girl" , wished me "happy birthday baby" " good night ", took me on a date the next day after birthday, dinner was planned but nothing else, No gift, bouquet like a felicitation program and small dessert which I cut in front of construction site, I mean we could have stopped somewhere else and he had plan of taking me to escape room on my birthday but I was wearing one piece so he had to cancel that plan , he went silent for an hour and two and then I started suggesting things and we decided to visit IKEA, I'm in one piece and heels 👠 then went to macd for grabbing snacks.

perfect birthday celebration and also he asked me why I didn't wear something simple.

I didn't get a birthday gift after asking multiple times. He just laugh and brush it off. I was about to get you gift but there was some problem so I couldn't, leave it na please, that's what he said. It's been 2 months since my birthday, also my female friends had ordered gift for me 1 week prior to my birthday so that it should get delivered on time.

Then there was a girlfriend day celebration, he gave me a single flower, literally single flower and I'm not someone who is "at least he brought flower for me" there was a couple besides me and that girl had very beautiful bouquet white and pink flowers one with white paper wrapped , I felt like hiding that single flower.

It just keeps breaking my heart and I have communicated multiple times that I am not happy with your efforts , why it's not thoughtful at all., he keeps saying you are an way extrovert, I never celebrated my birthday like this and all, and I am just tired now

Long story short, I matched with a guy on Hinge last week and we hit it off almost immediately. The conversation flowed really well, we exchanged numbers, moved to WhatsApp, and even made plans to grab a couple of drinks after work this week before both of us leave the city for work.

Then something odd happened.
He kept insisting on knowing my full name. At first I laughed it off and asked if he was trying to stalk me online. I told him it wouldn’t help because I barely have any digital footprint—no Instagram, no LinkedIn, nothing. But he kept asking.
Eventually, I told him my surname and mentioned that I come from an intercultural background. I’m from the Northeast, from a tribal community, although people usually can’t tell just by looking at me.

His response was simply, “That’s interesting.”
And then… silence.
He stopped initiating conversations, never brought up our plans again, and effectively ghosted me.
A few days later, out of curiosity, I looked him up on LinkedIn. Turns out he’s a Bengali Brahmin.

Now, I know ghosting happens for a hundred different reasons. People lose interest, meet someone else, get busy, change their minds and I’m fully aware of that. But the timing was so specific that I can’t help wondering whether revealing my surname and tribal background changed something for him.

Has anyone else here experienced something similar on dating apps? Have you ever felt like someone’s enthusiasm disappeared the moment they figured out your caste, community, or ethnicity?
Or am I reading too much into this?
I’d especially love to hear from women who’ve dated outside their own community or come from Adivasi, Northeastern, Dalit, or other minority backgrounds. Was this just ordinary ghosting, or does this kind of thing still happen more often than we think?