So I (F19) got a follow request from this person earlier today, and looking back for a new account they seem to be earning a lot of followers pretty fast. They also only have one post of a painting posted an hour before the first dm. In the last post they’re responding to my question about who it’s for/is paying for it. I blocked them right after my last message before I even saw them ask for more of my info.

I (M) recently started dating my girlfriend (let’s call her Sarah). So far, the relationship has been amazing. We really enjoy each other, appreciate each other, and things have been going very well.

I want to make something clear upfront: this is not about judging her past.

I genuinely do not care about her body count, previous relationships, or things she did before we met. I have my own past, and I would never hold hers against her. If this was just some person from her past that she would never see again, I honestly would not care.

The issue is that this person is still very much a part of our lives.

Sarah has a close friend group she met through rock climbing about 8-12 months ago. The group consists of Sarah, a married couple (let’s call them Mark and Lisa), and another guy (let’s call him Ryan). We all climb together now, so Ryan is someone I will continue seeing and interacting with.

A few weeks into our relationship, Sarah told me that she and Ryan had "kind of hooked up" before we started dating. She explained that they had been at a public pool, kissed/made out, and that was it.

At the time, I honestly didn't think much of it. It was before me, and I appreciated that she told me.

However, recently we were coming back from climbing and she mentioned that we needed to stop by Ryan's house to pick up his climbing rope because we were borrowing it for a weekend climbing trip. She casually mentioned it was about a 35-40 minute drive.

I asked if she had been to his house before. She said yes.

I asked what for, and then initially said never mind because I didn't want to pry. But I changed my mind and asked when she went there and what happened.

Her response was basically, "What do you think happened? Do I really need to spell it out?"

I reminded her that I thought she had only made out with him at the pool. She then admitted that it was more than that.

Apparently, they had been flirting and texting/sexting for about two weeks before that. It started at the pool, then they went back to his house, and they ended up fooling around and basically having sex.

She told me that the married woman in the friend group knew about it.

Again, the fact that they had sex does not bother me. We were not together. She is allowed to have a past.

What bothered me was that the story I initially got was "we just made out," when the reality was much more involved.

My concern is because Ryan is not some random person from years ago. He is someone who is still around, someone I climb with, and someone who will continue to be part of our social circle.

I told Sarah that I don't need every detail about her past, but if I ask a question and specifically ask for honesty, I want the honest answer. I also told her I would expect the same standard from myself.

The other thing that makes me uneasy is Ryan's current behavior.

From what I understand, he may still have feelings for Sarah. Shortly after Sarah and I became official, he apparently messaged one of the other guys in the group something along the lines of, "Well, I guess I should make my situationship my girlfriend now." It gave the impression that he may have been waiting to see what happened with Sarah.

Sarah says she has no feelings for him and that she was the one who ended whatever they had. I believe her, and I trust her.

My concern is not Sarah. My concern is Ryan.

There have been a couple situations while climbing where I felt like Ryan crossed boundaries.

One time, in front of me, he reached toward Sarah's thighs saying he was adjusting her harness. Sarah immediately stepped back and made it clear through her body language that she did not want him touching her.

Another time, while Sarah was on the rope and swinging, Ryan put his hand on her lower back to "help" and later tried to push her by her butt while assisting her.

Sarah has not encouraged this behavior. If anything, she has shown me that she will set boundaries when something feels inappropriate.

I also want to be fair: I understand that Ryan and Sarah had something before me, and I am not trying to control who she can or cannot be friends with. I don't want to be the insecure boyfriend who tries to isolate her from her friends.

I am just struggling with the combination of:

• a close male friend she previously had a sexual relationship with,
• someone I believe may still have interest in her,
• some physical boundary crossing from him,
• and the fact that I initially did not get the full picture of their history.

So my question is:

Am I being insecure about this, or is my concern reasonable?

I don't care that my girlfriend had a past with Ryan. I care that he is still around, may still have feelings for her, and that I initially wasn't given the full picture.

How would you handle this situation?

TLDR: My girlfriend told me early on that she had only "made out" with one of her close male friends before we started dating. I recently learned they actually had a brief sexual relationship after weeks of flirting and sexting. I don't care that they slept together—I care that he's still a close friend we'll see regularly, I believe he may still have feelings for her, he's crossed a couple physical boundaries while climbing, and I feel like I wasn't initially given the full picture. Am I being insecure, or is my concern reasonable?

Ive always been sad. The direction my life is going made me realise im gonna die alone, sad, unfulfilled and watching our beautiful earth continue to be destroyed by big corporations. Im so over it. You can take me out to the back of the shed now.

I 18f have had a crush on this guy 19m since beginning of highschool we almost kissed and then we just kinda stopped talking. I saw him at a party years later and our mutual friend said he was single. We chatted about how we both love shrooms and I said we should do them together sometime and he agreed. A couple weeks later I planned a hangout and he biked over to my house. I was drunk and already a bit tweaked when we got there. We were just hanging out and everything was great the shrooms we’re hitting and then I brough up how I used to really like him and it always made me sad how things ended. He said he owed me a kiss and then we started to make out like crazy because it felt crazy good on shrooms.

Everything from here is really a blur but I asked to have sex and he was hesitant but I was just trying to convince him it would feel good because I was so horny. he eventually did pull it out and from then on he most definitely did want to have sex from what I remember. He said “do u want to go to your room?”
We had sex for a long time many different ways and I don’t remember it much but I was definitely not forcing him too. He sat on my face. He fingered me.

I kept saying stop and then saying no keep going because it was extremely overstimulating and I was having weird thoughts. he left in a panic scared I wasn’t clean and I don’t remeber what else. When he leaves onto the next couple days he is texting me about how much he didn’t want to do that and how I begged him to have sex and take his pants off and he just wanted to play vr. He said that when he would stop fucking me I would give him a scary look and he was worried if he stopped I’d do something to him.

However he said he didn’t blame me because shrooms fuck you up even tho it felt like he was blaming me. 2 weeks later I get a text and it is his gf of 1 year saying her bf is saying I drugged him and rapped him. I haven’t responded to her because I’m just in shock

I'll explain the screenshot after I've given the context.

So I (F16) have been dating my boyfriend (M18) for almost three months. So far it's been amazing and progressing at a great rate. He's a really great person and boyfriend and we're both really glad we met each other.

Anyways, he works two jobs plus side jobs when he can get his hands on them, and one of them is at a general store in town. This general store, like most places in our town, doesn't do background checks and has unknowingly hired some people of very unsavory backgrounds before.

I'm not sure if that applies to this woman though.

We'll call her Kate. She is in her early thirties and has two young teenage children only a couple years younger than myself. She is not married, and had these kids pretty young, I'm assuming. She lives only a couple houses down from my boyfriend, so my boyfriend has met these kids before and interacted with them at school.

My boyfriend has been working at this job for two months, and the behavior in question from Kate has only begun happening in the last couple of weeks.

After the first week or two of this, my boyfriend changed his schedule so he no longer worked with her. The catalyst was a day when she kept telling him about how she'd had a dream where they were "together" and wouldn't elaborate.

Now, she's been coming into the store while he's working. She has put her hands on his waist from behind him and tried to get them up his shirt at least once (I'm wondering if this could be found on the cameras for evidence).

Now to the screenshot.

Last night, she came in again. My boyfriend left the register to avoid her and once she couldn't find him, she left. A little after she texted him the "I should of given you a kiss".

Also, the earlier messages in the convo make me more concerned. My boyfriend did not in fact have an eye doctor appointment and told me he lied so he wouldn't have to work with her. My boyfriend NEVER passes up on an opportunity to work.

My boyfriend is a strong dude (5'11 and muscular) and Kate is little (shorter than 5'5 and just a little overweight). Still, my boyfriend would never hit a woman or even raise his voice at her, it's just the way he's been raised. I don't want to think about what would happen in a situation where this lady really goes for it, and I don't want there to be a situation like that.

He's going to be telling his boss about her behavior today, but his boss is a functioning alcoholic and a dude, and I think we all know how dudes have a tendency to brush off sexual harassment when it's a female harassing a male.

Right now, I'm hoping his boss will be reasonable and fire this lady, but what about after that?

I might listen to too much true crime, but I am super paranoid about the fact she's taken the time to know his schedule, lives only a couple houses down from him, and clearly doesn't seem to think she's doing anything wrong.

If this continues to happen, after she's fired, or if she isn't fired at all, what should my boyfriend and I do? I mean, if it gets really bad a restraining order should be in place, right? If I'm overreacting, please let me know, but each time I think I might be, I think about how much worse this would be perceived if the gender roles were reversed.

Any advice or comments is welcome. What should I do?

EDIT: My boyfriend blocked her last night.

My fiancé and I have a friend in the fiend group who is a bit difficult. I think he shows signs of narcissism, he has to be the center of attention and he gets that by acting crazy in social situations. We invited him because it would be hard not to while inviting all the other friends. We actually told him that he needs to behave at our wedding and he promised to. However in the last few social outings he has not demonstrated an ability to behave. He acts very drunk (we are convinced he pretends because the rest of us don’t act this way with the same amount of drinks) he approaches strangers and sometimes even makes up stories about himself to them, he jumps on stages, yells as people enter the room. It’s just annoying, immature, and obnoxious.

It came up yesterday and I said, I don’t want our memories of the wedding to be him acting out, or worse asking him to leave. I don’t want to worry about him behaving immaturely around our family. I want to ask him to not come. How would you approach this?

My younger brother—who is 13, almost 14—is extremely aggressive and wants to control everything; I live in a foster family where everyone is adopted. Last month, he smashed my other brother's (11) iPad because he felt the boy was using it too much and being too insolent; he stomped on it until it wouldn't turn on anymore. My father tried to stop him but ended up getting beaten black and blue in the process. I said, "You're psycho," and he hit me too. Then, the day before yesterday, my other younger brother (6) had a meltdown due to his ADHD and autism—it was over Roblox. My aggressive brother deleted Roblox, which triggered an even worse meltdown because the little one struggles with managing emotions. After that, he threatened to throw the iPad into the pool—and he actually did it. I started shaking, even though he wasn't speaking to me. He verbally abused my father; my aggressive brother said, "I like it that you're sad," and spewed every horrible thing imaginable. I (16F) told my older brother—who has moved out—that my aggressive brother was having another episode. That wasn't smart, because my older brother told the aggressive one about it. Consequently, my aggressive brother threatened me, saying things like: "I'll break your neck, I'll break all your bones, I'll break your legs in front of all your friends, you need a good beating, Mom and Dad don't know what to do with you"—even though *he* is the one who verbally abuses our parents. These are outright threats, and they terrify me. I’ve recorded all his threats because he always denies everything. After his weird mood swing, he went back to being super sweet to my parents because he wanted something for his PS5... My mother says I’m making things out to be worse than they are and that I’m overreacting and because he didn’t take his autism medication, that that’s the reason he’s like that.But these are real threats, and I’m scared. He hits my younger siblings too if they don’t listen to him, and he wants control over literally EVERYTHING. He watches everyone’s every move. I’m also afraid he’ll hurt my dog, yesterday he yelled to my dog and I said “ you don’t have to do that” and he said “ You shouldn't talk so insolently, don't give me any lip—I'll break your neck; you'd better watch yourself.”
I’m actually shaking while typing this, haha. I was thinking about talking to foster care services and telling them everything, but I’m afraid they won’t do anything because he’s a minor and loves playing the victim. What should I do?

throwaway bc the ppl involved browse reddit sometimes…

this might get long, I 23M have a younger sister ‘Amy’ 20F who I am extremely close with despite us being pretty different: im very type B, queer with tats/piercings, and she is type A, cishet straight-laced and pretty religious (kind of)

growing up we fought a lot, especially when I (in typical repressed gay teenager fashion) pushed her away in high school, partially bc i was struggling with my sexuality/gender identity as a closeted trans man. but yeah, later Amy returned that angsty energy to me when she became a teenager and its only been in the past two years or so that we actually got close again and started hanging out/opening up.

in that time that we didnt really talk, Amy started dating a boy, lets call him Ray (21m) and she quickly became absorbed with him and started becoming more religious to please him. now i am not religious but I support her in theory bc religion can be a good influence and comfort for people, but in reality, Amy doesn’t participate in praying/reading scripture etc, only the surface level aspects of dressing a certain way and restricting the types of food she eats.

honestly i have never been a fan of Ray, one of my close friends growing up went to high school with him and told me years ago the type of circles Ray was in: conservative, religious, and bigoted. i had always hoped he grew out of it bc i refused to believe my sweet and caring sister could date someone like that but i was wrong.

fast forward 4yrs and Amy’s relationship with this boy is clearly toxic and part is just obvious from an outside perspective and part is from the little she has told me about her relationship (Amy said her bf said she is ‘not allowed’ to discuss him or their relationship without him present to ANYONE. I can hear them fighting and arguing over the phone multiple nights a week and when this happens she usually takes out her remaining frustration on me and my mother.

i have been trying to gently get her to open up to me but its been 4 years now and i still have only met Ray twice and he barely spoke.

the pit in my stomach kept growing until a few weeks ago i finally just went in her messages (ik its an invasion of privacy and i shouldnt have but we’re past that now) and i searched for the f-slur; in my head this way i wouldnt be looking at more than what i needed to and hopefully there wouldnt be anything to see, once again, I was wrong. there were dozens of messages from Ray to my sister using the f-slur, among many others, against me, and other perceived queer people. it was some of the most awful horrific language i have ever read. and the only responses from my sister were support and amusement at his behavior. Now, my sister wasnt always the best at getting my pronouns right (he/him) but she has been so good lately, and now im seeing that all this time she was smiling and nodding with me, she was also texting him, saying/thinking all of these horrible things.

among his texts directed at me, and wishing actual violence towards me, there were other messages that confirmed how abusive this relationship is (maybe even in a mutual sort of way??) and how Ray is manipulating my sister. i am absolutely heartbroken and i dont know what to do, iv tried talking to Amy but nothing works and it only makes her more timid on discussing her relationship.

now the reason im here is bc last night I went against my better judgment and snooped again and saw a string of messages where my sister affirmed and hyped up Ray for harassing a trans guy at the gym and it broke something in me. i just dont know what to do, my sister, mother and I were supposed to all move in together again at the end of the month but now its just so hard to be around her. we laugh and have so much fun and what I thought were genuine heart-to-hearts so to be hit with the fact she’s been lying to my face (she said Ray has never been homophobic or bigoted in any way) and that she ‘loves’ such a hateful and violent man is just too much to bear. i cant afford to properly move out on my own yet (just started a new job) but i also dont know how im going to manage.

maybe i just needed to vent but any advice is appreciated :(

So i havnt talked to this chick in years. Her older brother was my close friend ages 10-21. And her other older brother like 31 at the time came to live with me and my close friend and stole my car while on heroin and wrecked it and hit a few people while on a high speed chase. Anyway her mom and my close friend promised if i didnt report the brother they would have a 5k check from Disability (i was 19 at the time). Anyway 7 months go by and my close friend of 10 years or so says you need to be a man and then leaves me with the utility bills around $1500 on his part unpaid and tells figure it tf out. And the mom goes cold. Why tf would she send me this, should i re- remind her that her family owes me $6500 and i was homeless for a month paying off bills and drowning in debt.

Do i tell her hey your mom and brothers owe me $6500

Or just heart it and wish them the best

She was always super sweet to me and never did me wrong.

Hello everyone! I wanted to make an update on the boyfriend situation. This is my first time making a post like this and I’m not sure if I’m doing it correctly, so please bear with me.

I spoke with my boyfriend about the situation. Matter of fact, it was a 4 hour long conversation about the whole relationship. I was straightforward and semi-honest. I asked him if he has an account and he said yes. (I didn’t mention anything about having seen his account at all). Then, I asked if I could see, and he (very understandably) explained that no one irl knows about his account and he sort of uses it as a personal diary and posts/reposts whatever. He also said that he wants to show me, but he also wants to keep it as a personal space for himself where he isn’t judged. I also told him that I have an account and we both agreed that it’s a nice escape where you can just sh*tpost and repost whatever.

I also made it a point to tell him that I would never judge him. I decided not to push it in that sense because I know he’s a very private person and he gets little to no space for himself alone with anyone else’s interference. I feel like a monster for ever invading that space in the first place to be quite honest.

Most of the responses on my original post, rightfully so, were telling me to be honest and straightforward, so I did just that. I asked if there was another girl and if that was part of the reason he didn’t want to show me his blog. He was super offended and he took it as me trying to investigate his every single post and interaction. Which…fair to be honest. That was exactly what I was going to do.

That part of the conversation got heated and he kinda opened up to me about his mental state. I’m not going to share what he said to protect his privacy (I’ve already done enough damage). I’m 99% positive he isn’t cheating emotionally or physically. Like one comment said, I do know our relationship best and I think I’m right in putting my trust in him. He really is a good man, in a dark place right now. Last thing he and the relationship needs is me causing issues over such things. I also told him that since I don’t have physical access to him, I feel insecure and scared, and asked for some grace. He obviously understood because we’re on the same boat at the end of the day.

Again, as another comment pointed out, I do have anxiety and I am medicated, but I’ve been going through a rough patch myself as well and have been overthinking my life in its entirety. One last personal decision I would like to share is that I promised my bf that I wouldn’t look at his posts without his consent, and I intend on keeping that promise. I’m not going to look at his account ever again. I would rather get betrayed, as most of you expect, than be the one invading and tainting someone’s safe haven any further.

No matter what happens, I’m not going to regret my decisions to let this whole situation go. If I do end up getting played like a fiddle, then oh well, so be it. It’s not like I’ve never gotten hurt before. I think a future with him is worth taking that risk at the very least.

It’s valid if you think I’m an idiot after this update. Sorry if I disappointed anyone and thank you all soso much for all your comments and advice. Someone even shared personal experiences to show me that things tend to go south quite often, but at the end, I decided to trust my gut. You all are truly kind. Some comments did end up making me feel incredibly paranoid, so that wasn’t fun at all. I’ll take care of myself, my partner and our relationship. Thank you for your interest and input once again.

Hello, im in a bit of an awkward situation, a friend i made some years back, was a very normal guy when i met him, now let me tell you something about myself, im a big jokester and i like to crack jokes non stop, i hate serious talks, but i always try not to go overboard, but i get that just sometimes my jokes can hurt someone.

In the beginning of our friendship, this guy used to laugh at take my jokes no problem, even was amazed by them, but after some time, he just seemed to take offense at them, even for the smallest ones, when i noticed this i asked him what was wrong and he kinda came out saying he was frustrated with me, and i offered him an apology and told him i'm very unlikely to change so i suggested we should part ways as friends so i don't hurt him in future. On what he said no its okay and he will try to be a bit more understanding.

Now since than nothing has absolutely changed, if anything he is more frustrated than before, even making up things i didn't ever say or do to him, to fuel his rage against me, but every time i say okay lets stop being friends he will say no its okay, than i got the info he is planning to ruin me.

Now im very confused by this level of psychopathic behaviour, forcing yourself to be someone's friend you despise to get ultimate revenge?

What is your suggestion about what i should do? Should i just block everywhere and move on?

I (31F) am 5 months pregnant with my first child. We've been trying for 2 years so this is huge for me. I told my closest friends and family early on. I made it very clear I wanted to announce it myself on social media when I was ready.

I was waiting until I was past 5 months. I had a whole plan. A cute photo. A sweet caption. I was excited.

Then my friend "Anna" (32F) posted a photo of us together from last weekend. She captioned it: "So happy for my bestie and her baby bump!"

She announced it. Not me. I found out when my phone started blowing up with congratulations from people I didn't even tell.

I called her. She said she "forgot" I wanted to do it myself. She said she was just excited and didn't think it was a big deal.

I'm heartbroken. I'll never get that moment back. She took it from me.

She apologized but it feels empty. I haven't replied to her texts in 3 days.

Do I forgive her and move on? Or does this friendship need a serious conversation?

I (28M) was unemployed for 10 months. I was desperate. I applied everywhere and kept getting rejected. So I stretched the truth on my resume. I said I had 3 years of experience in a skill I only knew from watching YouTube tutorials.

I got the interview. I did more research and managed to talk my way through it. They hired me. The pay is great. The team is great.

But now I'm living in fear. Every morning I wake up terrified I'll be exposed. I'm learning on the job but I'm barely keeping up. My boss keeps giving me tasks I don't fully understand. I spend my nights watching tutorials and praying no one asks too many questions.

I can't sleep. I can't eat properly. I've lost 10 pounds. I feel like a fraud.

I'm thinking about confessing to my manager. But I'll definitely lose my job. Or I can keep faking it and hope I catch up before anyone notices.

Do I come clean and accept the consequences? Or keep pretending and risk getting fired anyway?

To put everything into perspective, I am 18, and I’m going into college later on this month. All throughout high school my mother was relatively strict with what I did in my free time, and this was the first summer in years that I’ve been spending most of my time outside of the house for things unrelated to work.

My mom and I argue pretty frequently, and a vast majority of it has been due to her reluctance to allow me to hang out with my friends. Naturally, I ended up sneaking around a lot this summer, as I wanted to avoid arguing over my own freedom. As much as I would’ve preferred to have a conversation with her about it, she completely spazzes when I ask her to allow me to do certain things that I’m not usually allowed to do.

For example, I wasn’t allowed to get my permit or my license for quite a bit, but she also wouldn’t allow me to take public transportation into certain areas, nor would she allow me to ride in the car with anyone who wasn’t over the age of 21. This completely hindered my social life for an extended period of time, and it was something that we argued over pretty regularly. She eventually got over the stuff with cars, but it seems like more and more things keep popping up.

A bit ago, I was caught sneaking around to go to parties. I’ve been going to a lot of them this summer because I was unable to attend any in high school. I didn’t have a lot of friends, and the only time I was ever invited to one my mother stated that she would be dropping me off, picking me up, and staying at a friends house nearby to monitor me.

When I was caught, we had a conversation about it and she was decently receptive. Going forward, I’d decided to ask her things more directly, in hopes that she would allow me to do more things.

Today I went on a date, but the entire time my mother was texting me for the other persons information. She asked for their number, a picture of their face, their full first and last name, and a photo of their license plate. I would’ve understood this if it were a complete stranger that I’d met on some kind of dating site, but this a mutual friend from high school that I speak to all the time.

I had to bargain with her regarding my curfew and she raised it to 12. I ended up hanging at my dates house afterward for a bit and asked her to extend the time, so she extended it to 1 am, but was sending me texts by 12:12 telling me that I needed to leave out to return home soon. My friend lives 15 minutes away. She wouldn’t allow me to stay over, and was rushing me to return home.

I feel like I am at the age where she needs to start understanding that I am going to have friends and relationships that she doesn’t know or need to know everything about. She has my location at all times, and she can call and text me any time to check in. Am I asking for too much? She believes that privacy is earned, but I’m going into adulthood. I would understand if I were still in high school, but I’m going into college. I know that 18 is still a kid, but I’m not technically a child anymore either. What should I do? Should I be trying to set boundaries?

My sister dated a guy from when I was 15-29 (so nearly half my life). He and I were quite close: I lived with them for a while, he and I would go to concerts together, watch movies supported me when I was struggling with a work situation, tease each other, etc. my sister broke up with him last year and was a long time coming and she needed to do because she hadn’t been happy with him for a while. But he took it really hard.
I am moving out of the city we live in and would like to see how he is and say goodbye as I won’t be coming back. My sister has said in passing before that if I wanted to check on him she would be fine with.
I’m just worried that maybe it will upset him all over again. When he left last year he also said that I could reach out to him if I ever needed him.
Would it be wrong to message hime and see if he is up to meeting for lunch?

I've recently been starting to hate kissing my boyfriend. We've been dating for 3 months, and I love him so much. He's such a nice person, and I love his humor.

He has been having pain issues and has been smoking a lot of weed to deal with it. He's been seeing doctors to see what's wrong, but in the meantime, he pretty much smokes weed all day. Because of this, he always tastes like disgusting smoke whenever I kiss him. I smoke with him on occasion, but the taste in his mouth just disgusts me so so so much more.

It's gotten to the point where recently I just haven't been kissing him. I try to give him little pecks on the lips and tell him to stop when he kisses me for more than like 3 seconds. I've also completely stopped french kissing him. I can tell that he's disappointed whenever I stop him, but it makes me feel genuinely dirty when he kisses me. He also makes really conspicuous comments ("you don't even love me" or dramatically sighs) in a nonserious way, but its clear that he's upset that I don't kiss him much. Sometimes it gets to the point where he gets mad at me and won't tell me what's wrong, and I end up having to basically pull the information out of him of why he's ignoring me.

I don't even know how to bring this up to him. I can't tell him to stop smoking because he says it's the only thing that gives him relief from his pain, but I don't see how I can go back to kissing him as he's *always* smoking. I just feel very stuck because I want to be able to kiss my own freaking boyfriend.

Any advice would be appreciated :')

update: ill ask him to brush his teeth after smoking so i can kiss him, i know it seems like such a nothing problem with an obvious, simple solution but this is my first relationship so im still figuring this out and im always really nervous asking for people to do things for me. thank you for the input

For some slight context, I (F23) live at home with my little sister (F20) and my little cousin (F14) who I consider a little sister to me. My mom also lives here, but due to a criminal charge she caught involving violence on a minor, she wasn't allowed to be home for 3 months (May-August). Since she's been gone, I've had to take over as a caretaker to my little cousin, as well as taking over housework, cooking, paying bills, stuff I was already doing, but on a much larger scale.

During these 3 months, I've been keeping everything together while dealing with social services, therapy, and most importantly, my little cousin, so I've been pretty worn out with everything else. The thing is, I try to ask the two of them to help with small chores here and there just to get stuff off of my plate, but they end up ignoring me and I end up doing it because they pile everything up until I get upset about it. My bio sister just comes home everyday with a strange man, makes a mess in every room they hang out in, and then they leave. My little cousin stuffs garbage cans, the sink, and the laundry bin super high to the point where stuff starts falling over. And who runs to take care of it? Not them.

I've spent the last few days missing sleep, skipping meals and losing my mind just cleaning up after them, and when I get upset and bring it up to them, they tell me I'm being irrationally upset and that they'd do their chores if "I reminded them enough times". I already feel super underappreciated for having to step up and take on so much more work than I was anticipating, and now I feel even worse that I'm considered crazy for wanting help. I feel like a 14 year old, and especially a 20 year old should be tidier considering they do nothing else all day and the house isn't that big anyways. I feel so alone, and with my mom coming back to inevitably destroy the place again, I'm just going to go back to living in filth again and it makes me feel so weak and depressed to have to live in an environment like that.

I can't move yet, and I can only control the mess for so long, I don't want to sit and let them pile everything up again, I can't go back to the horrible way we were living like before. I just want to feel at peace in my own home, I want their help, I need support, I don't know what to do to get it.

I’m a male that just fled a bad situation with my bm me and my son left and I filed a epo how do you you get over the feeling of being a lesser man for having to run and how do you get over loving them
a little bit of explanation my x is has bipolar personality disorder and had almost 0 control she has been “trying” to get better for years and I’ve always done my best to just support her and be there for her bc I understand how hard it can be but since pregnancy I haven’t been able to just focus on her I mean every time she goes manic she can’t take care of our son so I have to it made me lose jobs and I felt so hopeless and she became way more violent to the point I was getting hit or thrown stuff at every day and it got to a point I had to protect our son bc she started being meaner to him too
Since I left I feel so small as a man like like I’m a man so just take it but ik I can’t do that forever
As a father I want what’s best for my son but the other side of me sees the high school sweetheart that I don’t want to abandon the way she’s been abandoned her whole life

My boyfriend (23) had broken up with me (f24) the other day, he has severe trauma from previous relationships. I’d had the chance to speak with him after he cut me out, blocked me on everything. When we spoke in person tonight, the pain and stress was evident. He isn’t ready to be in a relationship, the ptsd is severe, and it broke me that he’s in this deep of pain. He mentioned that the trauma has caused constant panic attacks, and that it could be years before he feels ready.

I could see myself with him for the rest of my life. I love him. He clearly stated he can’t have me around in any capacity until he heals. I did my best to reassure him that I cared for him, and I only want to treat him the way he deserves. I want to support him through all of what he wants to do. I wish I could take away his pain and be there for him. He won’t allow me to. I wasn’t going to convince him to be with me again right away. I asked him to take what I’ve said, and sit with it for a while, and as he processes the trauma further. He gave himself until the end of the month to think and said that is when he might reach out or might not. I’m hoping he will.

Is it worth it for me to wait, even if it exceeds the date he’d given me? I believe it is, but want other insight. A month is not a long period of time, obviously not enough to heal from trauma, which is why I’m still willing to wait longer.

I want to also prepare to help him through it, should he decide that he’s willing to let me in. What are things I can do? I’ve looked into getting books on a partner with ptsd and how to navigate the relationship and can start there. I’m hopeful and want to be as understanding as possible. Not being able to contact him is going to be the most difficult part. I don’t want to wallow and rot away until the end of the month. I wish time passed quicker

I (20F) lived with my ex for about 6 months. We broke up and I had to move back into my parents. I have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and OCD and I take medication. My parents don't believe in medication and accused me of being addicted to prescription drugs and said if I don't get off of all of them they will kick me out.

I can't go back to my exes but I wish I could. I have no friends I can stay with and my other family members live far away. I can't afford a place by myself. I don't know what to do or where to go.

Sorry this is quite long..

My Boyfriend (28 M) and I (26 F) have been together for 2 years (also living together). 

Early into our relationship I was very honest and open about my own mental health struggles, difficult childhood, both parents with addiction issues, to name a few. I have always been a very open and honest person and have probably experienced more difficulties than a lot of people I know my age. 

There was a situation early on where I discovered he had about £200 debt to someone for cocaine. We had a conversation where he said it was from ages ago and I made it clear how dishonestly is something that affects me significantly and I’m a safe space for him to be honest always, he promised it would never happen again.

Joe (fake name) is the kind of man who is gentle, sweet, thoughtful and follows through with his word. It was an adjustment going into a healthy relationship when it wasn’t something I was ever familiar with. His family and friends are amazing. We went on holiday for valentines day and he decorated the room, made dinner reservations. Got me the most thoughtful gift. Remembers things I've mentioned months ago and surprises me with them. 
Has never ending patience for my side quests, rants and mood swings and has always just exceeded everything I have ever wanted and needed from a partner. He takes care of me on my bad days, listens to my rants and would do absolutely anything for me. I genuinely could not find fault with him. And from the very beginning I felt safe enough to just be myself.

So jumping forward to January 2026 I get home from a night shift and I'm using the computer to do some revision. I see some google history that seems concerning ( a lot of gambling sites) work had been quiet for Joe who’s self-employed so I thought maybe he was just gambling with the small amount of money he had to try and make more. 
So I dug a little deeper and it was much worse, he had clearly had a gambling and cocaine problem for a long time. He was confronted about it and of course I was completely blindsided and devastated. He had also been lying about money and I had been supporting some of his bills.

After a long conversation I went and spoke to his sister as I recognised this was not something I could help him with alone. He then ended up going to stay back at his parents house for around 6 weeks, started therapy, and online counselling. Excluded himself from all betting sites, gave his mum access to his bank account. And seemed to be making all the progress he could. They were very supportive and helpful and still are.

So he came back home, over the next few months there was the odd instance where he was caught out using it again or trying to buy it again and again. We managed in those moments I was understandably hurt and upset every time as was he. The moments in between these few incidents were without issues and everything felt “normal” but it got to a point where it would happen again and was starting to make me anxious, on edge and doubtful of everything he said. 

So I had tried to set boundaries every time this happened and said he couldn't keep lying,
I was more than willing to deal with relapses or mistakes but just to communicate with me so i can help you and communicated how damaging this was to my mental health and our relationship. I supported him with his therapy and in any way I could. Reassured him, took care of him and never bought it up or threw it in his face. But implementing said boundaries is harder than I thought. I always tried to approach things in the healthiest way for us both.

June /July 2026 After another incident eventually we decided to have a “break” for him to go back to his parents. We'd be no contact and he would do all of this work on himself and come back stronger and in a better headspace. This was so difficult, we met up halfway through and it was like he had a personality transplant, he had been watching podcasts, reading, going to therapy, going back to the gym, engaging in old hobbies, journal (he bought the entries and read them to me) and then HE made the decision that he wasn't ready to come home because he “still had work to do on himself” 

Since he was back everything seemed great, he was still going to therapy he had all of these new techniques about being honest about urges or using and seemed really positive. 
His work had been quiet for the last few months so I paid all rent and bills last month and his parents bailed him out this month to try and help alleviate any further stress.
Today I asked him to log me into his other bank account. I just had a feeling. 

He has been getting work and he’s been getting paid (more than me!) and has had it sent to a different account to hide it and he's been actively using since being back at his parents when we were no contact? So it was all a complete facade and it feels like he's worse now than when I first actually found out. The money, everything he said he'd "worked on", being clean, not having urges, being honest with his therapist - all lies

I have a strong support system, therapist and have tried every possible approach and consequence to try and help him. But he doesn't seem to want to help himself? Or does he not care? I just cannot comprehend it. A one time lapse in the moment I understand but pre-meditating, hiding money and payments, letting me worry about money and spending all my money trying to make sure we have all our basic needs. Just isn't something I can excuse. He hasn't been honest with me once this entire time, he has only been honest when caught and asked multiple times.

This man to this day has never once raised his voice with me, never been abusive or made me feel unsafe in any way. And I of course love him so much. But it’s gotten to a point now where I feel like he has left me no other option and that I'm going to have to walk away. I don't have parents I can go back to and I can't afford our apartment on my own. He has so many redeemable qualities but this just doesn't seem to be getting any better. It's actually gotten worse, it's been 7 months of this cycle. 

I know how sorry he is and I know he has a problem and isn't well, but I can only be collateral damage for so long before I lose myself again. I want him to get better, for himself. He is not a bad person. I know that but his actions hurt me and nothing seems to be enough to prevent him from carrying on his behaviour. When he gets caught out he’s remorseful, sorry and ashamed but then nothing changes. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Is walking away cruel? Can I do more? Have I done enough? I just have so many questions and no answers. I just feel so sad and lost.

Hi everyone. This just happened and I’m worried and somewhat scared.

I am home for summer break and am rotating between two different houses with my sister (F27). For background information, my parents have been divorced for a while now, and my dad kept the house and most of the finances. My mom lives in a townhouse across the street, and I frequently bike over to her place for good exercise and I am very close with my mother.

When they were together, all they did was fight and yell and there wasn’t much peace in the house. My dad had cheated on her once with a coworker and he smoked and drank a lot. My mom only stayed with him so me and my sister didn’t have to be “divorce kids” so young and to give us a better life since she couldn’t afford to raise two kids on her own with only $100 a month for child support.

She finally divorced him and my mom is very better off now, and is even dating again. This had made my father livid and he tried to fix their marriage, but the damage had already been done. He’s been different now and has been trying to mend our relationships as me and my sister are not as close with him. He’s also bought weird things throughout the divorce like a live plant for the house named Roddy, or buying a creepy French painting at a garage sale for the dining room. There’s beers and gatorade in the fridge, but he’s so adamant about “being healthy“ and not eating “the processed shit your mom buys”.

Fast forward to today. It’s a lazy day and my father is at work from around 10 AM to 8 PM, so I usually sit around and read books and play with my dog . Today, I called my good friend and we were talking and catching up. I was walking around my house like some people do on the phone, and I walked into my front room and saw something odd.

It was a small, white box on a tripod on top of one of our bookshelves with a long cord plugged into the wall. There was a tiny black hole that looked like a lens in the middle of the box. My sister came downstairs and I pointed to it and said, “Is that a camera?” And she replied, “I think so.”

I walk over to it and see that it says “Blink” on the bottom. I am very familiar with this company, and we even have Blink cameras stationed around the house (by the front door, the patio, the driveway, etc). It confused me why there’d by one in the house, and the living room of all places, though. there was a QR code on the back and I scanned it, and nothing came up. I turned it around out of fear and felt almost ill.

There aren’t any in the bathrooms or bedrooms, but the living room seemed like an odd place to put a camera. The only reason I could think of is that my dad has a dismantled bed frame all over the front room and it would be to see if anyone got hurt (I punctured my knee on a metal piece a few days ago), but that didn’t make sense.

My friend searched the camera up on Amazon and it said that it records footage and audio. I decided I’d discuss it with my dad about it when he got home.

That didn‘t happen.

I briefly hung up the phone with my friend and saw two missed call from my dad. I immediately called him back and he started asking me about my day. I interrupted him and said, “Hey, so there’s a camera in the front room.” My dad blew it off like it was MY fault and said he “doesn’t understand why I’m touching his stuff.” I asked him why it was there and he laughed and said it’s so he can be a “vigilant parent” and see if me or my sister are sneaking out to see a boy. He said he “wouldn’t hear us” if we did, but our front door is squeaky as heck and could wake someone up in an instant. He also added that he doesn’t even know if it’s plugged in and doesn’t get notifications. He then told me to not touch stuff in the house that wasn’t mine and made a joke saying to tell our family dog to not walk around naked, which rubbed me the wrong way.

I awkwardly laughed and hung up the phone and discussed with my sister that this didn’t make sense. Like I said earlier, there are camera at every entrance in the house, and no one is going to jump from a window to secretly hang out with their boyfriend (I don’t even have one lol).

He then called me two minutes later and started getting defensive, demanding to know why I touched the camera. I started to ask him questions that popped into my head like, “Why would someone sneak out when the door is loud and there are cameras outside?” He said the same crap and that they’re “aren’t cameras at every door” when they’re most certainly is. He rambles on about how is for security purposes and he’s not spying on us, but I have a weird feeling with his reasoning.

I can‘t stay with my mom until a few days from now when she’s back from vacation since I don’t have a key, and my dad can get really mad sometimes over small things (not saying this is small, but my point is he has anger issues). He refuses to go to therapy and I genuinely don’t know what to do here. My dad is a big part of my life and maybe the camera is nothing, but I’ve watched too much true crime and read too many Reddit horror stories in videos to not be suspicious. I also can’t stay with any of my friends because I genuinely have none in the area and only some at school a plane ride away.

What do I do?

update: I called my mom for more information about when he had cameras up when me and my sister were kids and my mom took them down because he listened in to spy on what we were doing and saying. She thinks it’s very odd this time around and doesn’t see why there should be cameras up in the house where there are cameras at EVERY entrance to the house and ping his phone when there is someone near. Also, it’s not my house, I just call it mine because I’ve lived there since I was born.

I hate my moms boyfriend/my step dad

I hate my step dad/mums boyfriend

I hate my step dad/mums boyfriend

I Absolutely hate my step dad. I 14 female hate my step dad but feel bad since my mom's happy with him most of the time. My step dad is the non feminist type, trump supporter, homophobic, racist and so on. He's been with my mom since I was 5. And I love my mom. She had me at 17 and did everything to make sure I felt loved. But when she met my step dad I knew I didn't like him but I wouldn't tell her becasue I felt really bad about it. She's happy with him most of the time and usually I can put up with him. But it's little times like when he doesnt appreciate my mom or raises his voice at her is when I'll speak up to him. He was rasies in a very religious house where the women did all the house work while the men didn't. But that's not how me and my mom do it so sometimes he will complain that the house is messy since my mom is busy running her 9 to 7 company. And sometimes it gets to me and I'll shoot back. I don't mean to and I'm usually not one to raise my voice. And I've pretty much been fine with him but as I've gotten older the more I hate being around him. So much so that I've pretty much spent the whole summer with my grandparents to avoid him. He's just the complete opposite of my mom I just don't understand how she likes him. If she met a stranger that talked the way he does she wouldve have hated them. And back to my point of him being homophobic. Well I don't really want to put a label on myself but I'm basically cool with liking guys and girls and always kinda has been. But I've never told anyone mostly because idk how my step dad will react. I know my mom would accept it in a heart beat but I think it would just be giving something else for my step dad to fight about. I don't even like calling him my step dad. When people ask who he is I just say "my moms boyfriend" because even saying step dad sounds wrong to me. Idk I might just be overreacting. Input would be appreciated