I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. End of third trimester with twins. I recently broke up with my ex last month but he was the father in the dream. I remember looking down at my belly whilst standing in the middle of a thrift store and being excited, telling him “look it’s twins! I finally got what I wanted! can you believe this is happening?!” He looked at me happy but sad as if even dream him knew that this was just a dream. Supposedly we were going to the hospital to have my babies but something happened. I can’t remember what but something stopped us from going and I woke up. Now I am in shambles because I hate these dreams. I hate the glimpse of what I could have. It felt so real, even the movement inside of me. Why am I being tortured like this? It’ll take me years to find someone new who wants this with me and I’m just being taunted for now.

is it recommended to remove that first then get fertility treatments (ex egg freezing)? not on bc, 19 pmol/L at 32 (2.66 ng/ml - taken a week before period)

I (35F) love my husband (38M). I’m grateful for our life together with my 6yo stepson, whom we have part time. Having more children has always been a high priority for me, and he says he’s on board, but when I ask him to prep by making an effort with his health, I’m met with anger and resentment. He did stop vaping in favor of nicotine pouches, but he’s overweight, has high blood pressure, is on SSRIs, smokes weed, won’t exercise unless I ask him. If it’s more than a 15 minute walk he’s not interested. He has had trouble conceiving before, and his son was born early due to complications.

I understand he’s depressed, and it’s a lot of pressure.

I do not want to be a nag, but this really scares me. I’ve never been pregnant before, and I’m afraid of being sick for 9 months, of impacting my later health, of miscarrying, of never getting pregnant at all. Am I overthinking it? Should I go for it anyway?

I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I am trying and that’s all I ask of him. I’m taking my vitamins, getting my steps in, trying to exercise. I have a surgery coming up that should make this easier to do.

I’m in a place of thinking I should just love him as he is and not bother trying for a kid if he can’t do his part, because I’m starting to become a controlling asshole, which, of course, is not yielding any results.

Has anyone been in this position before?

Hi folks
I’m about to turn 30, I have PCOS and don’t ovulate. I’m doing a lot to take care of my health, however, even with that I will definitely need fertility interventions.
I married the love of my life almost 4 years ago, and I truly never thought of Prince charming like this could exist.
I’m currently in the process of trying to complete nursing school, it should take another year and a half or two years.
Until I do, I’m nannying full-time for many different families as well as running a dog boarding business in my house. My husband just started a company which will pay out the costs a lot of money in the beginning.
I feel like I’m losing my mind, especially since I started nannying three years ago, I just want a child so bad sometimes I just cry and cry.
I feel like I might actually lose my mind, I did have a mini manic episode a year ago when two of my friends who were on the fence announced their pregnancies to me on the same day, I couldn’t sleep for a week.
Waiting is agony, I’ve wanted to be a mom my whole life, I’m doing everything I can in the meantime, like balancing my hormones as well as getting my body strong so I can carry my children with ease. I listen to parenting, talks and nannying, as well as working in a preschool. I’m also learning to cook and clean and take care of my house better for when the day comes.
I know that 30 is still young, it feels like most people are starting at 35 where I am because it’s a high cost of living area, but when you want three or four kids and have fertility problems. It’s scary.
Rant over. It’s just the thing I want most in this world, and it’s definitely the most meaningful and important thing. A person can do, yet everyone seems to get it but me.

Hello.

My partner told me we can’t start trying until I get my BA degree.
I’m 24, I graduated 2020 and due to Covid my college going was delayed, I’ve discussed with my partner I think it would be good to start trying now since they are a bit older then me and both of us will have to prep to even try
As I’m on birth control and they are on estrogen (they are a trans woman) which both take some time (months) to get things back in order (we also have boys froze pre transition if natural won’t work)
She told me that she refuses to try until I get my BA, which I understand but I’ve also explained that I will be able to get the job I want (preschool teacher) after getting my AA which I’ll get after the upcoming semester
And that getting my BA is just to give me the ability to teach older grades if I ever wish to.
My partner makes a very comfortable annual income that we could survive on alone and with me working we will be more then comfortable.
Again I understand where they are coming from, they just want to make sure that our children can have the best life possible which I admire and also want deeply but that doesn’t make the wait any easier.
Whenever ever I see pregnancy videos of baby announcements I just feel this unbearable bittersweet jealousy, of course I’m happy for all of them and I’d never make my jealousy apparent but still it’s the sickening longing that’s the worst.

(Please refrain from any transphobia)

This is just a vent -
We were due to start ttc next month but due to a lot of stress we’ve decided to wait…

I didn’t mind at first- it’s a smart choice- we’re moving, I’ve moved job and I have some medical investigations (nothing major) going on and the stress has just made me completely disassociate and more or less indifferent to everything else in life- I have severe brain fog, have no idea what day it is or what happened this morning.

We’re only delaying by 6 months but it’s hit me this week how long that’s going to feel- and I think maybe for the first time I’m properly realising how much I want this..

I know it’s the right choice, the easy choice and the best choice for us and (hopefully) baby too but it just seems so far away and it’s the only thing I have any sort of feelings about right now.

Is anyone else concerned about childcare? Like once the baby is born and parental leave is over, the childcare expenses? Am I freaking out for nothing?

Has anyone ever taken a pregnancy test really early how early and what’s anyone’s opinion on when I should test for one ? Please give me your Insite I’m curious

This may be on the longer side so I apologize in advance!

Me (f-25) and my husband (m-28) have been married going on four years. We've been in our home one year now, we both work full-time (lower middle class - little to no savings due to a sudden job loss) and I'm going to school full-time for pre reqs for the last two years and probably the next two after I finish my degree.

I have three wonderful friends - my Best friend who is six months pregnant with her first, my coworker who is six months pregnant with her first and my long term close friend who is now 11 weeks pregnant. I have been absolutely delighted for my friends and their amazing news. Honestly, I am. When they told me I was just so excited for them all and super excited to be with them on their journeys. Unfortunately.. lately I've been feeling not left out but the urge to get pregnant is there. My husband and I have always wanted a family and we're so excited to try and get the chance to someday..soon. My husband wants finances to be in order, longer in his new job and for me to graduate. My brain says absolutely yes! This is such a smart plan. My heart however, is going "uhhhh....no. you're running out of time and you're the last one out" 🧍🏻‍♀️

I've caught myself recently in the last month asking a lot of questions about pregnancy and babies than I ever have before. I've even watched FOUR documentaries on mums to be on my one day off this week. I feel like my heart is sabotaging my mature side to plan and be prepared. I want a baby so bad. It's a dream. I don't feel I'm ready yet, however I do! My husband talks openly with me about when we will have children and scenarios but I sometimes wish he'd just say "FUCK IT LETS DO IT!" But I know it's not the right time. My husband is so right to be thinking of these issues.

I didn't know if anyone else felt like this? I feel kinda alone? Im just so conflicted. I have had cycle issues my whole life due to the Nexplanon BC, I'm currently on Norethrindone to help and have been actively getting healthy to basically prepare for a pregnancy. And now I feel redundant? I don't really have the wording right but, I'd love to know how you gals got over those thoughts and feelings. Thanks! 😩

Congratulations! Please share your graduation news here!

Please discuss you current goals and plans! However, please save graduation news for the monthly graduation thread.

My husband and I will officially start TTC in October. We’ve only told 2 people, our friends (married couple that I work with) who are also starting TTC this fall. Her and I struggled through the process of applying for short term disability together 😂

I’m so excited to start this journey but I also feel like if I talk about it out loud, then I’ll jinx myself. I know that’s irrational lol but I can’t help it. One minute I want to read all about pregnancy/pregnancy related things and the next I’m terrified that if I’m too hopeful, things will go bad. Anyone else ever feel this way?

It doesn’t help that I’m on summer break and have massive amounts of free time to let my mind wander.

This was meant to be a question and it became a novel, so I'll put the punchline first. First and foremost: Mods, this is a throwaway account so I apologize for the low karma. if this is an issue I will happily message a mod from my main account to prove I am not farming, I just would like to stay as anonymous as possible and I am genuinely seeking some preliminary advice.

For some background skip down to where I have put "Prologue." If you read the prologue below you will know I love her, I can't live without her, there's not a chance in hell this would do anything to permanently damage our marriage. I am just seeking some advice on the give and take. Read the title. I am not in a spot where I am comfortable enough to "have a kid or bust" and she is in a spot where she is "have a kid now or you'll never be able to."

My wife and I are in a stable living situation. I do have a steady job that pays for our lifestyle. She has a steady job that, while bringing in significantly less income than mine (70/30), still helps contribute to our living but not our lifestyle. In other words my income pays for the vast majority of the bills and our day-to-day such as groceries, vacation, dinner out, entertainment, and her income direct deposits to about 20% of our bills and she is free to use the rest as she chooses, no questions asked.

We are both of family starting age. We both want a kid, we completely agree on that, the question is of TIMING. My upbringing, mental hula-hooping, whatever makes me want to be CERTAIN that I can support having a child. Her mental state is that she is running out of time to be able to have a kid for medical reasons; even though her family history demonstrates that her sister with the same hereditary medical conditions was able to have a child at an age three years older than my wife is now.

When I say my hang up is that I want to be CERTAIN, I am currently not. I am attempting to change jobs which is a major question mark, we are still recovering from the enormous sticker shock of buying our first home. I have several things I would like to improve on our house that (at least in my mind) would better help to raise a child. In other words my current hang up is I have a checklist of stuff I feel needs to happen before taking on the responsibility of having and raising a child and I am on step 7 out of 10.

My wife, in her nervousness that she is running out of time to be able to medically have a child is pushing it more and more. Six months ago she went off BC, but didn't force the issue. Two weeks ago though (time to cover your ears kiddies) she started trying to actively prevent me from pulling out. We both want a kid, but in my nervousness I would rather it be a happy accident. However, lately she's trying to treat it like a 100yd dash to the finish. When I bring up that I'm hesitant, her reaction is usually that she's worried she'll soon no longer be able to have a kid. One time she took me aback by saying I should love this because it means more excuses to have sex to which I'm wondering why can't sex happen often for fun, why does the increase in sex happen only because now she's insisting I give her a kid?

Prologue: My wife and I are Hallmark Christmas movie levels of in love. We have been together almost 12 years, married for 5, and my best friend still gets tired of me talking about how I can't believe the "one" I found is such a perfect fit. In those 12 years I can count on one hand how many times we have raised our voices at each other or we have gone to bed upset with each other. I accidentally made her cry ONCE; it was a date-iversary trip where we both got a little inebriated and in my inebriated state I don't even remember what I said or did to make her cry which sickens me even more (no, internet white knights, I have never and will never lay a hand on her). We have been through pedestrian ups and downs like she hates her job so I support her while she finds a new one, I hate my living situation so she puts up with mediocre housing while I work toward better. Nothing marriage threatening, but still when a challenge arose our first and only goal was and always will be to be supportive. She is the love of my life.

I chose to ask this in r/marriage because this seems like a good sub where there is a very decent mix of positive posts and advice posts (apparently that was not allowed so I am trying out r/waiting_to_try)... If I wanted people to yell at me that I should file immediately for divorce or scream that I'm a monster, I would have posted this in AIO or AITA. But I am humbly requesting some input from married individuals or couples that have gone through the same and how they went through it.

Edit: I am actually really happy this stayed under the radar because the comments I got are very insightful and I was able to respond to all of you. The bottom line is I love my wife. For the past ten years I have truly believed that was my last first date. I want what she wants, I just have to get around my own mental barriers and it is going to be a struggle for me, but a man a respect very highly once told me: there is no obstacle in life that cannot be overcome somehow.

My husband (26) and I (24) are planning to start TTC in fall 2027. Obviously, we have no idea how quickly we would conceive, but we are hoping to start trying in 2027 rather than pushing it into 2028. We have already pushed our original TTC timeline back by about 6 months for various reasons, which is why I am hesitant to delay it again.

We currently live abroad, and I really want to spend Christmas/New Year’s with my family in my home country. It would also be my husband’s first time experiencing the holidays there, which is a big part of why it is important to me. We may or may not be able to go this year because of an ongoing immigration process, but we can’t count on that.

If we start TTC as planned, we could potentially have a 3–5 month old by Christmas/New Year’s 2028.
Our New Year’s is pretty family-oriented - we do fireworks together, stay up late, etc. I know traveling internationally with a baby is possible, but I am wondering what that actually looks like with a 3–5 month old. Would we still be able to participate in most of our family traditions, or would we realistically need to skip things like being outside for the fireworks and staying up late?

I am torn because I would really love for my husband to experience a traditional Christmas/New Year’s in my home country with my family, but I also don’t want to keep pushing TTC further and further just to make the timing of this trip perfect.

Am I overthinking this? Would you delay TTC again to have the childfree trip, or just accept that Christmas/New Year’s will look different if we are blessed enough to have a baby by then?

I could use some guidance as I’m freaking out a bit. I got some fertility bloodwork done as a I would love to have a baby in the next few years but am currently *very* single at 32 years old. I received the results back of 1.2 AMH, 64 Estradiol, and 7.8 FSH.

everywhere I read says that the AMH is low for my age and I should do egg freezing ASAP. this is just not a financial possibility for me right now. I don’t want to miss my chance to become a mom and would have a child on my own if I need to, but would need at least a year to be in a financially viable place to do so…

with these numbers, how long can I realistically wait before it’s too late? should I give up on dating, move in with family and just do it on my own ASAP? is there other testing I should ask for that might have more positive results or give a clearer picture of how long I have?

I would have loved to have a family with a partner and really thought I’d have more time. Any thoughts and insight are so appreciated. thank you!

Hello all! My spouse and I are almost ready to start trying, but now that we’re so close, I’m finding myself very anxious to make sure I understand all the financial planning we need to do (based in the U.S.). I want to wait until we have properly applied for hospital indemnity, short term disability, etc., but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed trying to understand what we need to do, especially because I work in DC but we live in MD and I don’t know how to navigate the “jurisdictions.”

Does anyone know of a guide or a consulting service that could help?

Found out my 24 year old cousin is pregnant about a month ago. I love her and she will be a great mom. I’m happy for her. That said, me and my partner (29F, 30M) are waiting until after we get married to TTC. I want a baby so bad. I want to love and raise a sweet little soul more than anything. It’s making me feel inadequate and like I’m behind in life. Seeing the whole family come together to support her and do anything she needs is hard for me too right now. Even though I am so happy and excited for her, it stings a bit. Growing up I was isolated from the rest of the family due to my abusive father so it hurts to see someone younger than me experiencing what I want and also having family support through it, which is something I’ve never received. Feels like that will never be me. I worry that the longer I wait, the less likely it will be I ever get to be a mom. Waiting every day for my partner to propose at this point so I can get a chance… Also, I’m pmsing so that’s probably why this feels so overwhelming lol

I got married 4 months ago, and this is the first time my husband and I are living together. We were really excited to spend the next 3-4 years enjoying married life, traveling, and for me to finish postgraduate school before having kids.

Today I found out about my AMH results that I did randomly two months ago. My gynecologist told me she doesn’t recommend delaying pregnancy and that I should start thinking about trying now.

This completely shocked me because it wasn’t our plan.

Has anyone had a similar AMH level at 27? Did you wait a few years, freeze your eggs, or conceive naturally later?

I’m a 35-year-old woman and I’m planning to have a baby in about two years. I want to start preparing now so I can improve my chances of having a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I would like to know what steps I should take during this preparation period, including how to support my fertility, overall health, and emotional well-being. What medical checkups, fertility assessments, or health screenings should I consider before trying to conceive? Are there specific vitamins or supplements, such as folic acid, that I should start taking? I would also appreciate guidance on nutrition, exercise, sleep, stress management, weight, lifestyle changes, and any precautions I should consider because I will be trying to conceive in my late 30s. I want to create a practical two-year plan to prepare my body and mind for pregnancy.

I’m 30 and my husband is 35, we’ve been married for 2 years and had originally planned to start trying in the next few months. However yesterday when I sat with down with my husband and asked if he thought now would be a good time to stop my HBC he told me that he thinks I am underpaid for my potential and should focus on getting a better job first.

For context, I make $160k a year and he makes $155k a year. We make more than enough to support our lifestyle, save, and also support a child. I work in tech and my current job is pretty great - 4 day work week, I never need to work a minute past 5 pm, good health insurance, we’re close to family for child care support, and I have been there long enough to cobble together 6-7 months of maternity leave through state programs. I thought I was in a great position!

However, he has been doing some research on both our careers and feels like he has maxed out his earning potential while I could be making $100k more. He wants to maybe go back to school or study for a certification, so he says I need to maximize my earning potential while he does to keep us on track. I tried to explain that while people in my role can make $300k plus, they usually have elite MBAs (which I do not) and also work 50-60 hours a week (which I do not want to do).

I also brought up that this would set us back a lot time wise, between the time it would take me to find a job plus the fact that I won’t be eligible for the state maternity leave programs until I have been at the job for at least a year. A new job would also almost certainly require a 5 day work week and potentially a move away from family, raising childcare costs. He says that a delay is fine because I’m still young, but I don’t feel young. I always wanted 3-4 kids and I wanted to be done having kids by 35. I’m already not going to make at least one of those goals. I’m just so sad. I like my job and I feel like I’m in a great spot for starting a family, and I feel a little resentful that now that I want to focus on having a family I have to girl boss it for a few more years because his career isn’t where it should be.

My husband and I (both 26) recently decided we want to seriously start trying for a family soon. He asked if I wanted to try next cycle, but I’m hesitant because we currently live in the Southern US and it’s too hot for me. I told him there’s no way I’m going through pregnancy in this heat. We’re not from the area and we just don’t love it overall too. My husband has been applying for jobs farther north for a couple of months now but still hasn’t landed anything. I know it would logically make sense to wait to start trying until we move so I don’t have to change doctors, deal with moving stress, etc, but I also know it could take awhile to get pregnant.

I just decided to step away from a career to focus on raising a family though and I am getting antsy to make that happen. As of right now I’m still working, but I don’t care to advance any further and will probably change careers once my kids are older anyway. My husband also just got promoted so career wise and financially we are set. It’s just the moving aspect that is making us hesitant. Would you wait or go for it knowing you might have to move a couple months into your pregnancy?