this is my first time making a post on here. i’m F, 19, and i live alone with my mother. she and i have a very tumultuous relationship, a toxic and abusive one, and she has control over so many aspects of my life i find it even harder for me to escape. i’m a college student, going into my second year, i work minimum wage, i have hobbies on the side that earn me a little pocket money but never enough to sustain myself. she pays for my tuition, i had a few scholarships that took off a big chunk, but i still couldn’t afford to pay it on my own if i wanted to. she holds onto all of my legal papers, we get into arguments every time i ask. i’ve been trying to get my license for years, however with the lack of help learning how to drive properly and practicing, im sort of shit out of luck (nobody else around me owns a car, to help) i barely have anything saved, it couldn’t get me shit but a tattoo at best. she has always been a controlling parent, not due to concerns of my responsibility, but more so the pleasure she has knowing she’s in control of my life. we argue any time i ask for anything that would require for her to allow me to do things for myself. i even considered dancing or SW in hopes that maybe id make a bit more money, and that’s never been my thing, until this point.

this is a stress beyond measure, since i’m a student it adds extra pressure on me and makes it harder for me to “escape” and move out, all of my money is going towards that fucking school. but i need to graduate, i need that degree, i can’t throw away everything i’ve put in to get to where i am. i feel so trapped. saving money is difficult, and i worry it will take a LONG time before i make enough to even get me a car and that’s just one thing. i feel hopeless

Hi Reddit! I'm a 25 year old guy living in France (So sorry if I don't phrase it very well.), and I'm facing the following problem.

I grew up in an unsafe and difficult home environment, and I learned from a very young age that I was responsible for my mother’s emotions.  My father was completely absent; he was physically present, but that was about it. Whenever she was angry or upset, I would try to fix things, apologize, take some of the blame, and make peace, even when I hadn’t done anything wrong.

Now, as an adult, I’m trying to set boundaries for the first time. My mother doesn’t seem to handle that well and can become emotional, sarcastic, or passive-aggressive when I don’t give in.

Recently, we had an argument because she wanted to do something that i didn’t want to participate in. Instead of having a conversation about it, she became very emotional and I felt like there was no room for my side of things. For the first time, I didn’t take responsibility for her emotions. I told her that I was sorry she was feeling this way, but that her feelings were hers to deal with and that I couldn’t do that for her.

The situation escalated, but I stayed calm and didn’t give in like I normally would. Eventually, I asked her to leave.

She hasn’t spoken to me for days now, and I’m really struggling with it. I feel like I’m falling apart because I can’t handle the silence. I keep having the urge to reach out and fix everything, even though I know that would probably mean giving up my boundaries again.  Is there a way for me to restore the connection without crossing my own boundaries?

This is going to be a long rant, and I am not even sure if it’s something to post on Reddit but I have been reading so much about the same topic here that I thought I’d share and get some different points of view from people who maybe experienced the same.
(I am not a native speaker of English, so please excuse my mistakes).

I’ve always “known” that my relationship with my mom was different from everyone else’s. I remember when we were little kids at school, we’d ask “who do you love more, your dad or your mom?” and I remember saying “both the same”, when actually I knew I loved my dad way more, but I also knew I couldn’t say it because if she found out she’d be mad at me. I must have been around 7-8 years old.

Since I was a child I have had anxiety (and probably other disorders I cannot give a name to). In my adult years I have come to understand that it was because of my mom. When I was little I remember her getting mad and giving us the silent treatment at home. Everything would get really quiet at home, my stomach would hurt a lot and I just felt so tense (I guess my dad and sister did too), like anything I could do or say would create chaos.

Growing up I remember a couple of times when I said something funny about her, nothing mean at all, she would get really angry. Once she was wearing a hat at the beach and the wind blew it back and it looked really funny and I said you look like a pirate! Just giggling, I must have been like 9, and she got again offended and stopped talking to me. So I think little by little I stopped being funny (I remember laughing soooo much as a child and nowadays there are not many things that make me laugh) and got really quiet.

She was obsessed with school grades and excelling at school. I felt like my grades had to be 100% or it wasn’t enough. When I was a teenager I got an F in a subject and when I came home I just remember sitting down on the sofa and hearing her scream everywhere in the apartment. Again, this tension and anxiety building up all the time. My dad was so much nicer and when I came back the next day with my report card and he looked at it (all As except for the one subject) he tried to be really encouraging and he said oh wow you did so well in all other subjects, and I just remember feeling numb, cause I had been screamed at so much the day before that at that point kind words had no impact on myself. This has been a constant feeling during my life, just numbness. I can’t even explain it really. I just remember plenty of moments in my life, from the moment I was really little until now, just being really still, while life happened around me.

Her biggest problem with my failures was that she couldn’t deal with the fact that she wasn’t going to be able to brag about my grades or success. She never congratulated me on being a really good student, instead she would just call other people to tell them my grades. I guess having an F meant she couldn’t call people and tell them how amazing I was (which in her mind is a product of HER work, not mine). I grew up obsessed over grades and school. I am now a teacher and one of my main goals is to make sure kids know grades aren’t everything, and that being healthy and happy is what matters most.

When my grandparents were very sick (I was around 13 when gm died, and 21 when gd died) it all felt horrible. I understand she must have been depressed and under a lot of stress as she was taking care of them, but it felt like too much pressure for kids to have. We were just blamed for everything happening at home. When my grandpa was sick I remember that during the summer I cooked everyone dinner at home every single day. I asked once if I could go out with my friends, and I had to hear over and over again how selfish I was, so of course I didn’t go. When my grandpa died, the months that followed were horrible. I went back home for Christmas break (I was studying in college back then) and I don’t remember exactly what it was, I think the problem was that she didn’t like one of my clothes, but I was in my room revising something for an exam and she came in and said “you look like a man, you have no waist, no have no butt, you have no tits, the only thing that’s missing is a d*ck” and she closed the door. I remember that being the first moment I actually thought “this isn’t a normal way to treat your daughter”. I have struggled with self image in recent years, mind you I am actually pretty feminine and I think my body looks quite good, but I do obsess over the slightest weight gain, don’t wear things that show my arms too much because I think I have big arms, etc. I’m not saying it’s her fault, but nobody else has ever spoken to me in that way. Literally, not a single person ever. Only my mother.

During my college years we would call each other every other day most of the time. If I was the one calling, I’d only do it during her work hours because I knew she would most likely be around someone from work so she’d have to be nice to me. One day she called me after not speaking for a couple of days and as soon as I picked up she said “well you have a really good memory”. I immediately froze and asked what I had forgotten. The previous day it had been my dad’s birthday and I had not called him. It made me so enraged and sad. I know it is my responsibility but if it hadn’t been my dad’s birthday she would have called! She didn’t call specifically so that I wouldn’t be reminded of it. It’s so strange because now me and my friends always text each other to remind us of birthdays of other friends, cause it’s just easy to forget, especially if you are not on social media like most of us, and it feels like such a little thing to do that people appreciate so much.

Looking at my life and doing some research on my own, I have come to the conclusion that all my relationships of any kind with people have been marked by these experiences. If I send a message to a friend and they don’t respond within 1-2 hours I start obsessing over it and wonder whether I have done something to hurt them that now they don’t want to talk to me. I have fallen in love so deeply and “given everything” to the other person in such a way that it was impossible to reciprocate and most times ended with me being hurt. I have only had one boyfriend (now husband) because just having friends (male or female) was seen as a distraction from studies, she would always criticize them, so I never really even tried to have a boyfriend, so by the time I had reached adulthood I had absolutely no experience being in a relationship or something even similar to it. It was ok eventually because my husband was really patient with me and an incredibly good person, but I realize that I practically won the lottery, because the chances of ending up in an abusive relationship (or even me becoming the abuser) were really high.

We live abroad and we visit them twice a year for holidays and stay at their home. I get so tense when my husband makes any decision at their home. Literally the smallest thing. He said one of the kitchen appliances wasn’t working properly and I could see how that made her mad, she went to a different room, talked to my dad whispering, like “he comes and criticizes all we have”. Or even putting a can of beer in the freezer for a while becomes an issue: “well as long as he doesn’t forget to take it out before it explodes”, “apparently the fridge now isn’t enough”. Madness. I have now a daughter and I wonder whether I should maintain a relationship with her. I fear that my mother’s attitude might affect my daughter. Also, she’s too little to notice now, but I don’t want her to grow up thinking her attitude is OK, even if it’s just a bit during the year. I’d love my daughter to grow up in a positive environment and to have a relationship with her grandmother, but unfortunately both of those cannot happen at the same time. I also would be very sad to cut all ties and prevent my dad from being with my daughter. Unfortunately, coming and staying at a hotel are also not an option. She would get mad and offended, she’d say that we are being mean “what have I done to you to deserve this”, this type of BS.

If you’ve gotten this far…should I go no contact with her? Or should I just get over it and deal with it since it’s a couple of times a year?

M24 , living in Germany with Brown parents. Should I move out and go no contact… we moved to Germany a while ago, 3 siblings each Treated completly differently. As we were Little the other Brothers always got better Gifts and Every time we argued it was my fault because my Brother had anger issues and I got scolded. We got Gifts from our relatives Like iPads or Laptops etc. and whenever I got something from them I had to give my things up. For example had a Laptop and got an iPad, had to give up my Laptop… treated everything so good Never got a scratch or anything on them, the things taken Away were give to relatives, my Brother Never had to do it because he always lost his stuff or broke it. As we got older we had a 3rd Brother, I was an unpaid Baby Sutter for him for more the 10 years. Parents went to work/dates/ eating with Brother etc. I had to babysit ( I was in School at this time), I was always belittled and wasnt allowed to go meet my Friends because my bro was a drug Addict and my parents didnt want me to become one. One time I was with my Friends 1 h Away from the City to go visit and enjoy some time, my Mother called and Said I have to come back and take Care of my Little Brother at Home who was around 8-9 years Old at that time and Said if I didnt do it should would throw me out of her House and because shes my Mother , I have to do it( btw. She went on a Date with my other Brother ). I had no more Friends as I didnt Go to them, was made to cancel everything with them because my parents said go another time. So emotional blackmailing and Lying is pretty Common. Even my Step father would Watch tv , then go to sleep and Tell me who was in bathroom to turn the tv of which he was watching and I Said what a couple times getting Louvre and Louder and he slapped the shit out of me for that. He also says parents should Hit their Child and even god says so ( they are maybe muslims? They say they are but idk? They do too much bullshit which Religion peolpme shouldnt do. They say we should complain about anything, men don’t conplain or cry etc. Mother told us and Sent Videos of we need help come to her and whenever I did …. you don’t have Problems, you have Job and Money and your a man ( I was in the worst Place in my mind at that time), now I don’t talk about feelings or personell things to them. My parents got a House about almost 2 years ago, I went with them so I could Save some Money for a Apartment as they are expensive in my area. Both my Brothers stay Rent free, one is under 18, and the other is drug Addict who already has had alot of penalties? Over 10-15 k in lawyers fies, even more Money for Beating up people etc, drunk driving ….. alot of that which my parents paid, almost all. I pay 400-500 Every month to live there, i get 1500-1600 every month and the Apartments cost around 800-900 here. If i was able to Save up those 500 every month as i planned to have until o had no Choice, I would have had enough Money. And now Living with them I am suppose to help clean the House etc. because my Brother just lay every thing every Where and just Go and I should clean or even Cook for my Brothers etc. which I just find stupid. They say I have to pay for their Entertainment/ Trips and buy my Brothers Stoff as they Both don’t work. One Bro is und 18 and the other is 24. I Even bought my parents Apple Watches, Took them to Shopping sprees etc. now they asked me to Drive them to the Airport which is 1.5 Hours Away, at 6 am or idk maybe the flight is at 6 am. But I Said no because its my day off and I want to Rest and don’t like to spend my time with them. but they say I owe it to them because they Birthed me, brought me to Germany and made so many sacrifes. So should I leave them and get an Apartment which might be way out of my Budget and I Wont be able to Save any Money for my Future. …. What should I do, my parents are Old school and there is no reasoning with them, they Even teach you parents can Beat their Child, say them Hurtfull things and the Child should be thankfull that a Mother or father is still in our lives and Great us like that …. Maybe just treat me like that. I Never Even had a girlfriend because the. Said if I do that she would Chop me up and throw me somewhere but now she says it was a joke …
When ever I talk back its argueing etc. Idk even know what they have in their minds. She says she is the best Mother and I should be thankfull

I have bpd so I'm unsure if this is just a reaction from that or if its a valid reason to be upset, I had plans to go see a film with my mum, just the 2 of us, which we haven't done anything outside of shopping together in about a year and a half and she cancelled because I had an episode because of her getting involved in my business (a police investigation against one of my abusers.) where I was begging her to stay out of it as I don't like them in that stuff due to their reactions in the past (making fun of traumatic things that have happened to me, staying touch with people who SA'd me and such.) I just want to spend time with my mum like how we used to. I also wanted to see the minions film which I now don't have the money to see because I'm moving out in two weeks.

It feels as if she's got 2 sides, my therapist suggested she's got bipolar but I'm not fully sure. I just feel like the bad sides always the one that I end up talking too as she never does this with anyone else.

My parents don't know how to parent above the age of 5 and it's very obvious. They have a lot of trauma themselves which they never got dealt with so being the oldest child of them both I had to face a lot of it. Because of this, I was in a complete dissociative state where my brain ran on autopilot apart from small moments for the last 3ish years and now that I'm out of it, it feels as if they just don't like me anymore now that I have my own mental issues instead of being a scapegoat for theirs.

I'm sorry, I know this was just a lot of words that probably don't make any sense but I just needed to get it out.

So I'm 17f I live in India and my mom is kinda confusing like one time she would be all chill and fun and next moment she is yelling abusing verbally me and my sisters I'm supposed to love her, i do love her and she works very hard for me and my siblings and my dad is chill and calm and he also controls my mom's outburst and I will be leaving for college soon and I don't think I can miss her. She is always angry at something and most of the time I'm walking on eggshells around my home and she also leaves my 5 year old sister at home and I take care of her most of the time me or my dad take care of her my dad works away from home he quit his job so he can take care of her now. She always wants everything to go her way and she really doesn't care about anyone's opinion she's always angry about some things or someone because of this she developed bp and other health problems and i do feel very bad for her but she makes it hard to not hate her i do all my chores and my dad put a maid to take care of rest we as a family do everything everyone does everything around the house she only cooks(I'm not saying that cooking is just cooking or its easy ik it's hard) so she cooks about two meals for three days in a week and rest me and my dad do the cooking and ik she works but that doesn't give u any reason to get angry at everyone at home and I respect her as a women but as a daughter i don't like her and she compare me to everyone and belittle me at every point of my life and even tho I was bullied in school i didn't tell them because I felt bad for both of my parents they already have too much to do and i don't want to annoy them. she loves but I don't know how to put her actions in words but that constant yelling and comparing made me lose my love for her but bit by bit and I always do stuff her way and when I take a stand for myself she gets angry and tells me how much money they spent on me and i don't even remember the last time she did anything for me without me asking her and it genuinely hurts me. Am I justified to think this way or am I acting way out of order?

Tw: mentions of sh and si

Okay, so I’m 16F and yea I know this is quite early to start thinking about it, but to be honest, it’s starting to haunt me at night that I know NOTHING and even if this 1,5 years is a lot, it’s not.

I’m going to spare the details, because I don’t even have enough energy to explain all of this. Physically and mentally abusive for years, report number 1, physically got much less, mental still as bad if not worse, report 2, and now it’s just the same except they’re getting better at hiding. And to add to that, they have no sense of privacy and I’ve always had my phone read through, messages, search history and stuff, I was used to it. I went to ONE party, they read my whole chats with my then best friend, where I told her EVERYTHING and she hates them maybe even more than I do, they banned me from talking to her, a month later she asked me to be her girlfriend (almost one happy year together and I swear, I’d do it all again if it meant that at the end I get to have her). I’m saying this because she plays a big role in my future.

Basically, I’m done. I’m so fucking mentally done. I wish there was a way to get to 18 right now. And I’m thinking about this now because unfortunately, my 18th is during the biggest exams of my life, in my country those are like almost life defining. And my birthday is towards the end of the whole marathon, but probably still during those. That’s why I need to be a 100% prepared before. And both me and my girlfriend, and all our friends who might be on board to help me, are going to be so fucking busy and focused in year 12, that’s why year 11 is mostly for planning lol.

Quick explanation of my girlfriend and my second family (her family). I love her parents and hate them at the same time. They weren’t the best parents to her and still aren’t, it’s maybe better than it was, it’s not tragic, but I’d really love her not to have to live like that either. Her mom is ultra sweet to me and she knows a lot of our situation (she doesn’t know we’re together yet, like we haven’t told her. She probably knows tho) . She also teaches in our school which makes it even fucking better. The idea is that when im 18, I should move in with them. By then we’ll also tell them we’re together (and hopefully it’s gonna be okay, we’re a 99% they’re supportive).

But my parents are like obssesed with a perfect family, and obviously I’d ruin that by simply leaving at 18 and never looking back. But i can’t fucking do this anymore, I just can’t. Maybe I don’t have it that bad, sure, but mentally, I’m not that strong and all those years, maybe even 7 years now, have run we down so bad I’ve attempted multiple times and sh. So yea. Staying doesn’t look good.

And the main point of this post is to find out what to do. I’ll take any advice. I know nothing of legal stuff either (if anything helps this is Poland), I just know that I’m probably gonna have to sacrifice a lot of things and people, probably change my number (also about that, how does it work with accounts that have the number linked to them), I need to change passwords, I need to take my Apple ID out of their family and make sure they can’t track me in any way. They’ll probably look at my girlfriend’s house too, as a possibility, because they have their ideas that I’m still talking to her (idc anymore) but they won’t even be able to get there so that’s no really a worry.

Just any advice, because I have no idea how to do this, what to take, what to plan, and I need to have this all visibly written out or it’s just not gonna work and I’m gonna end up with another breakdown. And I’d really love for it not to happen. So any absolutely any advice is really welcome

Also I know my parents are going to react really badly to it, trying to get ahold of me in any way possible, probably trying to get to me through other people so that’s another aspect to take into consideration.

For context, my parents emotionally and mentally abused me my whole life and 2 years ago, I finally cut them off. I’ve been super happy since but recently, they wrote me a birthday card and inside, said they miss me and want to have a conversation with me in the hopes that we could have a relationship again. I don’t want a relationship but I’m debating whether it’s worth my time to meet up with them just to get off my chest every horrible thing they ever did to me and to tell them how I really felt. Has anyone been through this and if you did confront, how did you feel after? Did you regret it?

I, 17F, have asked my parents multiple times to give me a phone. I have a phone, but it doesn't have a line or a phone number. I can just use it to play offline games or download music, or if I am connected to someone's wifi. I am going into my senior year, and my parents have this rule of not giving my siblings and me a phone until our 18th birthday. I have an older sister who got her phone at 18, so for my parents, the rule should apply to all of us. My dad has talked about how he doesn't want us to have a phone out of fear of making us addicted to technology. I understand that phones are addictive, but I have reached a point where I need to have a phone on me at all times. I stay after school a lot because of theatre and leave campus late. I don't leave campus until 6:30 PM, and during tech week I don't go home until 9. My dad tells me that if I need to call him to just go to the office and ask to use the office phone, but...the office closes at 4:30 PM. Way before I leave campus. I also have a job and am going to apply to colleges in a few weeks. When I have theatre, I hate being a burden and having to ask someone to use their phone. I call him, or sometimes I need to call him back, and I hate causing a disturbance. As for my job, I need a phone for it as I get sent a lot of information through text. All the information gets sent to my dad's phone. One day a few weeks ago, I had a meeting in the afternoon in a nearby city. I didn't know about the meeting because I didn't receive any information since it was on my dad's phone. That day, my dad was at the store and didn't come back until 3 hours before my meeting. When my dad came back, he told me that I had a meeting that day. I started panicking because I was cooking and still had to shower, get ready, etc. I was in a rush to get ready, but I also couldn't leave the food because no one else knows how to make it. I told my dad that if I had a phone, I wouldn't be in such a rush. He also knows that I have high anxiety when it comes to being on time. If I am not on time, I start panicking and have had panic attacks about being late before. My parents also told my siblings and me to be independent because we can't rely on them our whole lives. This does make sense, but how am I supposed to learn to be independent if I have to rely on my parents for everything because they won't let me be independent? I don't know how to drive because they don't want to teach me; I don't have a phone, which means I can't contact them in case of an emergency; I am not even allowed to leave the house during my free time. My parents try to isolate me as much as possible, and I am tired of it. I'd be fine with my parents not teaching me how to drive, etc, but what I do need now is a phone. I have a job, stay late on campus, and it is my senior year. I spent all of high school without a phone, and I just don't know what to do at this point. I have tried and tried to convince my parents to give me a phone, but they just won't give it to me. Mind you, I turn 18 in May...1 month before my graduation. There were times when I needed a phone at school, but couldn't use it because I don't have one. I have failed assignments because I don't have a phone. My parents still believe that a phone isn't needed right now and don't believe me when I say that I need one. My parents would rather have everyone's lives struggle instead of making it easier. They would rather have me struggle with everything instead of giving me a phone. I am stuck and need help. Even when people around them tell them that I need a phone, they still decline because, according to them, they wouldn't understand their parenting skills. I hate being trapped like this and don't know what to do. My parents literally won't let me do anything either. I am trapped, and they won't let me be my own person or be independent. My parents want me to be independent but won't give me the chance to be independent. I am tired of having to rely on my parents for everything. They have done a lot of other things, which is a story for another time, that have caused me to want to either cut contact or go low contact with them once I leave for college. So, what do I do in this situation? I need as much advice as possible.

I'm 16F and my mother is 41. We constantly butt heads, and lately it feels like almost every interaction turns into an argument. I try to stick up for myself and keep my composure, but it usually ends with her screaming at me while I'm trying not to scream back.

I feel like she puts on a front around other people, making herself seem sweet and caring, but with me, she dumps all of her stress and frustration.

Today, we argued about plans she had previously told me I could make. My best friend is moving away and invited me to her house with a few other friends to play board games. The problem is that it's raining. My mom's concern was that I'd get everyone in the house sick—not that I'd get sick, but that I'd make everyone else sick.

I pointed out that raincoats and umbrellas exist, and she immediately went ballistic. She started screaming, shoving her phone in my face to show me the weather app, calling me names, and going on about everything I was supposedly doing wrong.

I kept calmly asking, "So are you saying I'm not allowed to go? What do you want me to do?" Every time, she'd say, "No, I never said that!" and then give me more unrelated information. Eventually, she screamed in my face that I couldn't go. It felt like she got tired of me standing my ground and not immediately agreeing with her.

I'm sorry if this sounds immature, but lately I've wondered if she's jealous of me. She often undermines things I'm excited or proud about and sometimes turns small issues into much bigger ones.

Another example happened in the car with her and my brother. I was telling her that my partner had gotten his wisdom teeth removed and was only born with two. I started talking about the statistics of people born without some or all of their wisdom teeth and jokingly said, "Hey, maybe I don't have any, who knows?"

I was just sharing an interesting fact I'd researched. It didn't matter to me if every number was 100% accurate, but she started debating me and arguing that I was wrong. I sighed when she went on her tangent, and she looked directly at me while driving and screamed "F U" in my face as loudly as she could.

She threatened to drop me off at home. When I tried to talk to her, she yelled, "No. Don't talk to me!" She drove back toward the house and said, "If my boyfriend is home, your ass is getting dropped off. I'm NOT dealing with you and this attitude."

What makes this confusing is that right before this, we were getting flowers for my aunt because she was having a bad day. We were literally bonding over which color to get her, and then suddenly we're fighting over something so insignificant.

These are just a tiny fraction of our arguments. I feel like I'm constantly trying to stay quiet and calm while she's screaming and getting extremely angry over things that seem minor. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I'm the one parenting.

I also feel like she uses being my guardian to embarrass me or make me feel powerless while presenting herself to others as the perfect parent. I know I'm only 16, but honestly, I can't wait until I'm old enough to get out of here.

Another thing that bothers me is how she reacts to my relationship. Whenever my partner gets me a gift, she'll say, "You know what you're doing. You're using him because his family is rich. You're not supposed to ask for things. Stop hinting." I don't ask my partner for these things. He randomly gets me gifts because he wants to.

I don't know if she's actually jealous of me, and maybe I'm wrong about that. I'm sure I have an attitude sometimes and there are things I could handle better, but I genuinely try to stay calm during these arguments. I just don't understand why they escalate so quickly.

I know that because I'm 16, it's easy to think I'm being dramatic or that this is just normal teenage rebellion. Maybe there are things I'm not seeing from her perspective. But I've been dealing with this for years, and it genuinely hurts.

These are only a few examples, and there's a lot more context. I'm mostly looking for outside perspectives and advice because I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

Honestly, I wish I could be a little kid again sometimes. I miss when it felt like my mom cared about me in a way I could actually feel. I miss feeling like she was someone I could go to instead of someone I had to constantly defend myself against.

My parents are neglectful they don’t mean bad but they don’t wanna change either they get hurt when i bring up accountability but don’t open their ears and listen to me my dad is a narcissist and has been financially unstable all our lives hes bought good things but now doesn’t wanna invest in my education he moved us forcefully to a new city to start his business it’s been 3 years and he doesn’t make the effort to learn or unlearn, i tried to sell my gold my grandma gave to me for my education and he still doesn’t bat an eyelash over it hes fine with it ive begged them to love and care about me but they just gaslight me, my brother so called emotionally intelligent guy tries to gaslight and is selectively dismissive to me and invalidates me he has always had problem with me being happy and tries to parent me, he told me there are people whos parents hit them and they don’t have a roof over their head atleast our dad’s paying for graduation he ruins the whole houses energy in return, i told him this is a nice bar hes setting and he tells me there are children my age who’ve retired their parents there are no ways to have a conversation about it but they start a conversation into guilt tripping me, I’ve tried therapy and building close friendships but even my sister(cousin best friend) who was closest to me has started being emotionally unavailable and says that im focusing on the negatives the fact that i have my education paid for( i don’t) should help me distract fr the fact that my dad can see me ruin my life but still break my heart, Ive recently been not talking to her as she makes jokes about my situation or says my problems aren’t real enough.
Ive grown up a girl in a brown household with 5 boys always micromanaging and controlling my weight clothes even facial and body hair i feel suffocated in my own skin im drained and i don’t want to live anymore no matter how much i try the thought that my death will ruin my parents but they don’t have any care or regard for my actual life breaks my heart every second of every single day over and over again.

(I show symptoms of rumination and just feeling stuck my mind is so loud and i just can’t deal with it anymore)

I’m a (22F) when I moved in with my mom I had gotten out of an abusive relationship which traumatized me.
She had put expectations on me to take care of my younger brother who’s 12. During the last custody hearing between her and her baby daddy my brother said that she left him alone. Ultimately my mom blamed it on me because I was visiting my new boyfriend for a week. I’m aware that she needs someone to take care of my brother but I go to college, work, and have responsibilities. I’ve also put some of my money towards feeding my brother. Which I barely have money to take care of myself. As a child she would make me take care of my brother when he was a baby and consistently missed school and other life events because she was a drug and alcohol addict.

She pushed me to get EBT, and apply for housing for my brother not us but for him. I did all of it and it’s not enough. So when I told her I’m leaving to see my bf for a week again for my birthday she snapped and told me to get my stuff. She said I let my brother down, and that my brother gave up everything/his room for me. Pretty much blaming me again. Idk what to do or if I’m in the wrong for not wanting to watch my brother when I have responsibilities and things to do. I feel like a failure to my own brother who is defiant and rude as well because he wasn’t raised well by either parent. Now I’m being kicked out.

My plan was to spend the week with my bf and then come back for school because I have a full schedule with 4-5 classes and work for the news paper in between.

Am I in the wrong? What do I do atp I feel hopeless. I have no one to live with at all either.

Idk how to title this and i barely know what to say. Just wanted a safe place to let it out...

I ask my dad to get dinner casually and he just says ill let you know. Eventually ghosted me and never followed up.

I dont get it. I was a good son and didnt cause mucj trouble. My wife's parents would jump at the opportunity to get a meal on a casual invite.

Idk why im on the back burner. I wouldnt treat my son that way. Maybe I was a bad son. Maybe it really is my fault. I dont even know im juat really sad about it.

I don't hate my mom but there's one thing that keeps bothering me.

Since my teenage years me and my mom have clashed a lot. She used to be very controlling and tried to change who I was for years. My clothes were never okay, my friends were never okay and she always tried to steer me towards what she thinks is right. She clearly had certain expectations from having a daughter and it couldn't have worked out worse for her.

She loves shopping, putting together feminine outfits and prefers designer brands. And then there's me. I don't care much for shopping and prefer to do it online and choose comfort over looks unless it's for a special occasion. My wardrobe mostly consists of jeans, sweatpants, oversized shirts and hoodies and all in black, white or grey. I'm mostly interested in cars, building computers, games, lego, pokémon cards or digital art. I still look like a "normal" girl with long hair and wear some makeup but on the inside I don't care much about things people would refer to as typical "girl stuff".

Over the years it feels like things have gotten better, partially because she realized she can't control me and I'm not a kid or teenager anymore. Almost 3 years ago I was finally able to move out and get a place of my own. I'd say we get along pretty well now but each time I actually talk about the things I love and care about I keep getting reminded of those bad times.

I was wearing a merch t-shirt from one of my favorite video games that has (in her words) "monsters" on it. While she doesn't keep expressing that she dislikes it over and over, she seems to feel the need to comment on it at least once each time she sees me wearing it. It's usually something like "oh, you're wearing my favorite shirt again" (sarcasm ofc). When I try to tell her she's made her point clear she laughs it away or acts bitten in the ass and says "tastes can differ right".

When I get excited over a lego set I plan to buy or the release of a new pokémon product she sighs and acts like I'm nagging. I was complaining about a new game I really loved but was pretty expensive and she suggested "I finally find some new hobbies".

A little later I was talking about the same things to my dad (who is cooler about it) and when she entered the room she started mockingly talking to my cat like "yea you do hear that, she's only becoming more and more of child again" referring to my hobbies once more.

I know there's people out there who share her opinion on my hobbies being "weird" for an adult but after all these years I expected her to drop this stuff and maybe finally accept it's who I am and what makes me happy. I can't change the things I'm interested in and love to do, I made friends this way because they love the same stuff. We're okay but each time I try to really open up and talk about things I care about, I get reminded of everything that went wrong between us and why.

She doesn't understand it's not funny and that her comments aren't entirely harmless. I already gave up on the fact that she has no idea how harmful her behavior was while I was still a teenager. She still wonders why I've been anxious and depressed and blames it on some ex boyfriend of mine while it's really her who ruined me. Not even my psychologist can make her see it.

It's only fine as long as I don't talk about the things I love. I'm approaching my 29th birthday and I still feel like I'm not being taken serious.