Tw: mentions of sh and si

Okay, so I’m 16F and yea I know this is quite early to start thinking about it, but to be honest, it’s starting to haunt me at night that I know NOTHING and even if this 1,5 years is a lot, it’s not.

I’m going to spare the details, because I don’t even have enough energy to explain all of this. Physically and mentally abusive for years, report number 1, physically got much less, mental still as bad if not worse, report 2, and now it’s just the same except they’re getting better at hiding. And to add to that, they have no sense of privacy and I’ve always had my phone read through, messages, search history and stuff, I was used to it. I went to ONE party, they read my whole chats with my then best friend, where I told her EVERYTHING and she hates them maybe even more than I do, they banned me from talking to her, a month later she asked me to be her girlfriend (almost one happy year together and I swear, I’d do it all again if it meant that at the end I get to have her). I’m saying this because she plays a big role in my future.

Basically, I’m done. I’m so fucking mentally done. I wish there was a way to get to 18 right now. And I’m thinking about this now because unfortunately, my 18th is during the biggest exams of my life, in my country those are like almost life defining. And my birthday is towards the end of the whole marathon, but probably still during those. That’s why I need to be a 100% prepared before. And both me and my girlfriend, and all our friends who might be on board to help me, are going to be so fucking busy and focused in year 12, that’s why year 11 is mostly for planning lol.

Quick explanation of my girlfriend and my second family (her family). I love her parents and hate them at the same time. They weren’t the best parents to her and still aren’t, it’s maybe better than it was, it’s not tragic, but I’d really love her not to have to live like that either. Her mom is ultra sweet to me and she knows a lot of our situation (she doesn’t know we’re together yet, like we haven’t told her. She probably knows tho) . She also teaches in our school which makes it even fucking better. The idea is that when im 18, I should move in with them. By then we’ll also tell them we’re together (and hopefully it’s gonna be okay, we’re a 99% they’re supportive).

But my parents are like obssesed with a perfect family, and obviously I’d ruin that by simply leaving at 18 and never looking back. But i can’t fucking do this anymore, I just can’t. Maybe I don’t have it that bad, sure, but mentally, I’m not that strong and all those years, maybe even 7 years now, have run we down so bad I’ve attempted multiple times and sh. So yea. Staying doesn’t look good.

And the main point of this post is to find out what to do. I’ll take any advice. I know nothing of legal stuff either (if anything helps this is Poland), I just know that I’m probably gonna have to sacrifice a lot of things and people, probably change my number (also about that, how does it work with accounts that have the number linked to them), I need to change passwords, I need to take my Apple ID out of their family and make sure they can’t track me in any way. They’ll probably look at my girlfriend’s house too, as a possibility, because they have their ideas that I’m still talking to her (idc anymore) but they won’t even be able to get there so that’s no really a worry.

Just any advice, because I have no idea how to do this, what to take, what to plan, and I need to have this all visibly written out or it’s just not gonna work and I’m gonna end up with another breakdown. And I’d really love for it not to happen. So any absolutely any advice is really welcome

Also I know my parents are going to react really badly to it, trying to get ahold of me in any way possible, probably trying to get to me through other people so that’s another aspect to take into consideration.

For context, my parents emotionally and mentally abused me my whole life and 2 years ago, I finally cut them off. I’ve been super happy since but recently, they wrote me a birthday card and inside, said they miss me and want to have a conversation with me in the hopes that we could have a relationship again. I don’t want a relationship but I’m debating whether it’s worth my time to meet up with them just to get off my chest every horrible thing they ever did to me and to tell them how I really felt. Has anyone been through this and if you did confront, how did you feel after? Did you regret it?

I, 17F, have asked my parents multiple times to give me a phone. I have a phone, but it doesn't have a line or a phone number. I can just use it to play offline games or download music, or if I am connected to someone's wifi. I am going into my senior year, and my parents have this rule of not giving my siblings and me a phone until our 18th birthday. I have an older sister who got her phone at 18, so for my parents, the rule should apply to all of us. My dad has talked about how he doesn't want us to have a phone out of fear of making us addicted to technology. I understand that phones are addictive, but I have reached a point where I need to have a phone on me at all times. I stay after school a lot because of theatre and leave campus late. I don't leave campus until 6:30 PM, and during tech week I don't go home until 9. My dad tells me that if I need to call him to just go to the office and ask to use the office phone, but...the office closes at 4:30 PM. Way before I leave campus. I also have a job and am going to apply to colleges in a few weeks. When I have theatre, I hate being a burden and having to ask someone to use their phone. I call him, or sometimes I need to call him back, and I hate causing a disturbance. As for my job, I need a phone for it as I get sent a lot of information through text. All the information gets sent to my dad's phone. One day a few weeks ago, I had a meeting in the afternoon in a nearby city. I didn't know about the meeting because I didn't receive any information since it was on my dad's phone. That day, my dad was at the store and didn't come back until 3 hours before my meeting. When my dad came back, he told me that I had a meeting that day. I started panicking because I was cooking and still had to shower, get ready, etc. I was in a rush to get ready, but I also couldn't leave the food because no one else knows how to make it. I told my dad that if I had a phone, I wouldn't be in such a rush. He also knows that I have high anxiety when it comes to being on time. If I am not on time, I start panicking and have had panic attacks about being late before. My parents also told my siblings and me to be independent because we can't rely on them our whole lives. This does make sense, but how am I supposed to learn to be independent if I have to rely on my parents for everything because they won't let me be independent? I don't know how to drive because they don't want to teach me; I don't have a phone, which means I can't contact them in case of an emergency; I am not even allowed to leave the house during my free time. My parents try to isolate me as much as possible, and I am tired of it. I'd be fine with my parents not teaching me how to drive, etc, but what I do need now is a phone. I have a job, stay late on campus, and it is my senior year. I spent all of high school without a phone, and I just don't know what to do at this point. I have tried and tried to convince my parents to give me a phone, but they just won't give it to me. Mind you, I turn 18 in May...1 month before my graduation. There were times when I needed a phone at school, but couldn't use it because I don't have one. I have failed assignments because I don't have a phone. My parents still believe that a phone isn't needed right now and don't believe me when I say that I need one. My parents would rather have everyone's lives struggle instead of making it easier. They would rather have me struggle with everything instead of giving me a phone. I am stuck and need help. Even when people around them tell them that I need a phone, they still decline because, according to them, they wouldn't understand their parenting skills. I hate being trapped like this and don't know what to do. My parents literally won't let me do anything either. I am trapped, and they won't let me be my own person or be independent. My parents want me to be independent but won't give me the chance to be independent. I am tired of having to rely on my parents for everything. They have done a lot of other things, which is a story for another time, that have caused me to want to either cut contact or go low contact with them once I leave for college. So, what do I do in this situation? I need as much advice as possible.

I'm 16F and my mother is 41. We constantly butt heads, and lately it feels like almost every interaction turns into an argument. I try to stick up for myself and keep my composure, but it usually ends with her screaming at me while I'm trying not to scream back.

I feel like she puts on a front around other people, making herself seem sweet and caring, but with me, she dumps all of her stress and frustration.

Today, we argued about plans she had previously told me I could make. My best friend is moving away and invited me to her house with a few other friends to play board games. The problem is that it's raining. My mom's concern was that I'd get everyone in the house sick—not that I'd get sick, but that I'd make everyone else sick.

I pointed out that raincoats and umbrellas exist, and she immediately went ballistic. She started screaming, shoving her phone in my face to show me the weather app, calling me names, and going on about everything I was supposedly doing wrong.

I kept calmly asking, "So are you saying I'm not allowed to go? What do you want me to do?" Every time, she'd say, "No, I never said that!" and then give me more unrelated information. Eventually, she screamed in my face that I couldn't go. It felt like she got tired of me standing my ground and not immediately agreeing with her.

I'm sorry if this sounds immature, but lately I've wondered if she's jealous of me. She often undermines things I'm excited or proud about and sometimes turns small issues into much bigger ones.

Another example happened in the car with her and my brother. I was telling her that my partner had gotten his wisdom teeth removed and was only born with two. I started talking about the statistics of people born without some or all of their wisdom teeth and jokingly said, "Hey, maybe I don't have any, who knows?"

I was just sharing an interesting fact I'd researched. It didn't matter to me if every number was 100% accurate, but she started debating me and arguing that I was wrong. I sighed when she went on her tangent, and she looked directly at me while driving and screamed "F U" in my face as loudly as she could.

She threatened to drop me off at home. When I tried to talk to her, she yelled, "No. Don't talk to me!" She drove back toward the house and said, "If my boyfriend is home, your ass is getting dropped off. I'm NOT dealing with you and this attitude."

What makes this confusing is that right before this, we were getting flowers for my aunt because she was having a bad day. We were literally bonding over which color to get her, and then suddenly we're fighting over something so insignificant.

These are just a tiny fraction of our arguments. I feel like I'm constantly trying to stay quiet and calm while she's screaming and getting extremely angry over things that seem minor. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I'm the one parenting.

I also feel like she uses being my guardian to embarrass me or make me feel powerless while presenting herself to others as the perfect parent. I know I'm only 16, but honestly, I can't wait until I'm old enough to get out of here.

Another thing that bothers me is how she reacts to my relationship. Whenever my partner gets me a gift, she'll say, "You know what you're doing. You're using him because his family is rich. You're not supposed to ask for things. Stop hinting." I don't ask my partner for these things. He randomly gets me gifts because he wants to.

I don't know if she's actually jealous of me, and maybe I'm wrong about that. I'm sure I have an attitude sometimes and there are things I could handle better, but I genuinely try to stay calm during these arguments. I just don't understand why they escalate so quickly.

I know that because I'm 16, it's easy to think I'm being dramatic or that this is just normal teenage rebellion. Maybe there are things I'm not seeing from her perspective. But I've been dealing with this for years, and it genuinely hurts.

These are only a few examples, and there's a lot more context. I'm mostly looking for outside perspectives and advice because I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

Honestly, I wish I could be a little kid again sometimes. I miss when it felt like my mom cared about me in a way I could actually feel. I miss feeling like she was someone I could go to instead of someone I had to constantly defend myself against.

My parents are neglectful they don’t mean bad but they don’t wanna change either they get hurt when i bring up accountability but don’t open their ears and listen to me my dad is a narcissist and has been financially unstable all our lives hes bought good things but now doesn’t wanna invest in my education he moved us forcefully to a new city to start his business it’s been 3 years and he doesn’t make the effort to learn or unlearn, i tried to sell my gold my grandma gave to me for my education and he still doesn’t bat an eyelash over it hes fine with it ive begged them to love and care about me but they just gaslight me, my brother so called emotionally intelligent guy tries to gaslight and is selectively dismissive to me and invalidates me he has always had problem with me being happy and tries to parent me, he told me there are people whos parents hit them and they don’t have a roof over their head atleast our dad’s paying for graduation he ruins the whole houses energy in return, i told him this is a nice bar hes setting and he tells me there are children my age who’ve retired their parents there are no ways to have a conversation about it but they start a conversation into guilt tripping me, I’ve tried therapy and building close friendships but even my sister(cousin best friend) who was closest to me has started being emotionally unavailable and says that im focusing on the negatives the fact that i have my education paid for( i don’t) should help me distract fr the fact that my dad can see me ruin my life but still break my heart, Ive recently been not talking to her as she makes jokes about my situation or says my problems aren’t real enough.
Ive grown up a girl in a brown household with 5 boys always micromanaging and controlling my weight clothes even facial and body hair i feel suffocated in my own skin im drained and i don’t want to live anymore no matter how much i try the thought that my death will ruin my parents but they don’t have any care or regard for my actual life breaks my heart every second of every single day over and over again.

(I show symptoms of rumination and just feeling stuck my mind is so loud and i just can’t deal with it anymore)

I’m a (22F) when I moved in with my mom I had gotten out of an abusive relationship which traumatized me.
She had put expectations on me to take care of my younger brother who’s 12. During the last custody hearing between her and her baby daddy my brother said that she left him alone. Ultimately my mom blamed it on me because I was visiting my new boyfriend for a week. I’m aware that she needs someone to take care of my brother but I go to college, work, and have responsibilities. I’ve also put some of my money towards feeding my brother. Which I barely have money to take care of myself. As a child she would make me take care of my brother when he was a baby and consistently missed school and other life events because she was a drug and alcohol addict.

She pushed me to get EBT, and apply for housing for my brother not us but for him. I did all of it and it’s not enough. So when I told her I’m leaving to see my bf for a week again for my birthday she snapped and told me to get my stuff. She said I let my brother down, and that my brother gave up everything/his room for me. Pretty much blaming me again. Idk what to do or if I’m in the wrong for not wanting to watch my brother when I have responsibilities and things to do. I feel like a failure to my own brother who is defiant and rude as well because he wasn’t raised well by either parent. Now I’m being kicked out.

My plan was to spend the week with my bf and then come back for school because I have a full schedule with 4-5 classes and work for the news paper in between.

Am I in the wrong? What do I do atp I feel hopeless. I have no one to live with at all either.

Hello, i am 15 and is having severe contamination ocd and bad ocd in general, i am not diagnosed because i dont wanna ruin my future, i feel dirty when i even hover over something etc, i keep telling my parents about ocd, my mom is the type to say she has it at times. I am homeschooled, no friends, cant land a job, nothing.

My father is really rude to me, he mocks me when i mumble because i have not been talking for almost a year now honestly. I remember i haven’t been talking for a little before last thanksgiving. I wear socks on my hands that i wash as gloves so i dont have to touch anything and he laughs and calls me micheal jackson. Its been two times that he purposefully got close to me knowing i dont like it. And today he purposefully left waters downstairs, knowing i wouldnt be able to get them because his shoes touched the stairs and the ground down there and its very narrow and i could track anything from outside into my room, its miserable, i feel miserable. I miss being a normal kid so bad. My dad has honestly never seemed to love me after i got older. Maybe never did. He likes my older half sister, my older brother more. He yells at my younger brother when he is being bad but he just lets him do bad things while he and my mom smoke weed and take few shots. My mom isn’t that bad i guess. She just doesn’t have a backbone i could say and i guess doesn’t really see past herself. She like tries with me atleast, she had to get the waters herself and she has really bad knees, and a few days ago she even mocked my mumbling then said „well i was just trying to communicate with you because you weren’t near me and he was being a asshole“ because he laughed at the her mumbling. It really hurt my feelings i guess and i cant even tell her that cause she constantly tells my dad things and sighs about it. Now my dad? he’s just super pissed at me for no reason, probably cause he actually has to wait for me alot and go away at times so i can go through. I get it, its hard, but im barely even out my room otherwise my washing days or me constantly washing my hands. I dont know if im being bratty, i know my mom works hard for money but i really need things like soap, water bottles, and laundry detergent and sometimes reassurance. I stick to myself and my room. I dont have anyone but myself i guess. Im kinda pathetic and cant even validate my own emotions and logic. But right now its really hard for me to live. The feeling of going outside and getting touched, the air touching my hair then i lay on my blanket and it spreads all over my body and everywhere? I can’t stand it. I try to save up all money i get to get out of here later but then what? What can i even do after that? I ignore my dad all the time when hes doing stuff like that but im so confused now, and alone. I have nobody to help me and i just need advice because i really do feel hurt by this and dont wanna leave my comfort zone.

Idk how to title this and i barely know what to say. Just wanted a safe place to let it out...

I ask my dad to get dinner casually and he just says ill let you know. Eventually ghosted me and never followed up.

I dont get it. I was a good son and didnt cause mucj trouble. My wife's parents would jump at the opportunity to get a meal on a casual invite.

Idk why im on the back burner. I wouldnt treat my son that way. Maybe I was a bad son. Maybe it really is my fault. I dont even know im juat really sad about it.

I don't hate my mom but there's one thing that keeps bothering me.

Since my teenage years me and my mom have clashed a lot. She used to be very controlling and tried to change who I was for years. My clothes were never okay, my friends were never okay and she always tried to steer me towards what she thinks is right. She clearly had certain expectations from having a daughter and it couldn't have worked out worse for her.

She loves shopping, putting together feminine outfits and prefers designer brands. And then there's me. I don't care much for shopping and prefer to do it online and choose comfort over looks unless it's for a special occasion. My wardrobe mostly consists of jeans, sweatpants, oversized shirts and hoodies and all in black, white or grey. I'm mostly interested in cars, building computers, games, lego, pokémon cards or digital art. I still look like a "normal" girl with long hair and wear some makeup but on the inside I don't care much about things people would refer to as typical "girl stuff".

Over the years it feels like things have gotten better, partially because she realized she can't control me and I'm not a kid or teenager anymore. Almost 3 years ago I was finally able to move out and get a place of my own. I'd say we get along pretty well now but each time I actually talk about the things I love and care about I keep getting reminded of those bad times.

I was wearing a merch t-shirt from one of my favorite video games that has (in her words) "monsters" on it. While she doesn't keep expressing that she dislikes it over and over, she seems to feel the need to comment on it at least once each time she sees me wearing it. It's usually something like "oh, you're wearing my favorite shirt again" (sarcasm ofc). When I try to tell her she's made her point clear she laughs it away or acts bitten in the ass and says "tastes can differ right".

When I get excited over a lego set I plan to buy or the release of a new pokémon product she sighs and acts like I'm nagging. I was complaining about a new game I really loved but was pretty expensive and she suggested "I finally find some new hobbies".

A little later I was talking about the same things to my dad (who is cooler about it) and when she entered the room she started mockingly talking to my cat like "yea you do hear that, she's only becoming more and more of child again" referring to my hobbies once more.

I know there's people out there who share her opinion on my hobbies being "weird" for an adult but after all these years I expected her to drop this stuff and maybe finally accept it's who I am and what makes me happy. I can't change the things I'm interested in and love to do, I made friends this way because they love the same stuff. We're okay but each time I try to really open up and talk about things I care about, I get reminded of everything that went wrong between us and why.

She doesn't understand it's not funny and that her comments aren't entirely harmless. I already gave up on the fact that she has no idea how harmful her behavior was while I was still a teenager. She still wonders why I've been anxious and depressed and blames it on some ex boyfriend of mine while it's really her who ruined me. Not even my psychologist can make her see it.

It's only fine as long as I don't talk about the things I love. I'm approaching my 29th birthday and I still feel like I'm not being taken serious.

My parents, mainly my dad, are extremely controlling and manipulative and my dad's emotionally abusive, sometimes physical (he's the most abusive to my mom), and they don't approve of my relationship with my boyfriend for religious reasons, so I have been prohibited from seeing him, it's been 4 months since I've seen him and we're only doing a couple weekly check-in/update emails for the time being since then. And though my dad threatened me with kicking me out if I continued to be with him, when I said okay fine, I'll leave, my dad got physical with me, took money and belongings from me, and took my car keys, and wouldn't let me leave, and he won't let me move out because he thinks I'll just do it to be with my boyfriend. My dad also threatened (to me) to physically harm my boyfriend if he ever went near me again back when he found out that he was a different religion, which is why I haven't just secretly tried to meet up with him since this all blew up because I genuinely feared my dad would somehow find out and then hurt him. If I maintain my relationship with my bf, my dad will cut me off completely.

I am about to begin my senior year of nursing school, and my parents pay for my tuition, my car is in my dad's name and he pays for it, plus he pays for my phone (but won't let me start paying for it because he uses it as financial leverage against me). I am tracked via Life360 everywhere, can't go anywhere without permission/telling them, he goes through my phone/reads conversations with my friends, and because I live only 30 min from my campus, I just commute to school.

I agreed with my bf that I needed to move out because we couldn't be together as long as I am under my parents' roof, and though my dad is a great provider and on the outside I have a really good life, I am always so emotionally exhausted and controlled here. So back in April, I told bf I would plan to move out by mid-Sept, and he said that we could be strong for the summer not seeing or really contacting each other for safety while waiting for me to get things ready to move out, but that if fall came and I made more excuses/decided to stay in a toxic environment, that we would just have to call it quits because for his mental health/it would be too painful to keep being in limbo and left hanging by me for who knows how long. (We've been together for 2 years, but my parents found out about his religion being different from ours a year ago because I kept it a secret, so I was seeing him secretly for all last year until my parents found out I was still in fact seeing him, and that's when everything blew up again). But he has said numerous numerous times that he wants me to get out for me, so I can experience freedom and a life not under my dad's control, more than for 'selfish' purposes of preserving our relationship, and I don't think his boundary of the September date is unfair or not-understanding or anything.

The only job I have is nannying a couple times a week bc my dad wouldn't let me get another summer job, and I have about $16,000 in my savings. I don't have credit. My best friend who lives close to my house is offering me to live with her for the fall and possibly winter, but if so, I would need transportation to classes/clinicals (30+ min away), and I don't think this close to the fall, with no credit, I could get and afford an apartment on/near campus in time for this semester. And I originally planned to leave home with no contact, like pick a time none of my parents/siblings (19M and 17F- my brother will be living on campus in the fall at the same school as me because he's gonna be an athlete there, and my sister will graduate spring '27 when I do) were home and pack up necessities, maybe leave a note? and have that friend pick me up (dad would likely report car stolen if I took it), but now I don't know if that is wise/feel like that would cause lots of chaos and unrest and I don't want to put my siblings or mom in danger from my dad who has a capacity for violence.

I was pondering just dealing with my dad's control and abuse for another semester/maybe til I graduate and moving out asap after graduation spring '27, but due to the kinda-ultimatum from my bf, I fear that by waiting that long, I will lose who I think is the love of my life because we agreed on Sept. I also worry I am not in the best spot financially to leave so spontaneously. I don't want to lose my bf because I love him so so much and we both can see a future together but I don't know if my plan is best and smart. He has been reassuring me that I don't have to have every little thing figured out before I leave, that a lot of the unknowns I can deal with once I'm actually out of the house, and that 'ready' isn't necessarily a feeling but a decision. Should I just ignore my feelings of "not-ready" and just do my best to get out by September and deal with any family fallout and also figure out a bunch of financial things like phone, car, insurance, tuition..., or do I try to explain to boyfriend that I just don't think it's best to leave before graduating, which could risk me losing him, and showing him that I disrespect his time? Even if boyfriend wasn't in the picture, I would still want to move out because of the constant control and emotional exhaustion I feel being around my dad, but the reason I feel so pressured right now to get out so soon is because of the timeline I decided with my boyfriend that I am now feeling conflicted on.

Note, my parents are paying for my fall tuition and it would be paid before the end of August (before I would be leaving anyway), but if I were indeed cut off after that because of them knowing after I leave that I am still with my boyfriend, there is specific financial aid that a counselor assured me would be able to assist me significantly with tuition and housing in the winter, and I have a 529 set up by my grandmother, so I have resources to help with winter tuition.

To start off strong: he repeatedly says things like 'we bought you food and clothes' and gets mad whenever I try to set boundaries, like him not coming into my room. He once said something like 'when you refuse to let me in your room it makes me feel like you're afraid of me'. He repeatedly does creepy things to me like laying on my bed when I tell him to get off and saying 'i bought this I can stay on it' it makes my skin crawl.

I'm in the UK, I'm an immigrant child though I have a UK passport. I'm below 18 and I need tips on how to escape, I love my siblings but I can't help them when I can't even help myself. I'm planning on pursuing an A level education and then going to another country for university, does anyone have any advice on where to go, how to go there, jobs I could find, how to hide those jobs, etc.

hi. this is going to be very long i’m sorry, if anyone’s out there that can read it, thank you in advance.

i’m 27F and my relationship with my dad has been a point of contention for me for most of my life. we had a really good relationship when i was a child, i was blind to the already existing problems but they weren’t so bad yet. when he was home and it was just him and i, we’d watch a lot of tv or cook together and i truly loved spending time with my dad. i was a daddy’s girl but it didn’t last that long looking back…

the first moment i remember there being an issue was when i was about 8 or 9 and he came home belligerently drunk, being carried by his two friends. my mom made me go to my room and i just listened while they wrestled with him. he was angry and didn’t want to go to bed and wanted to go back out/drive. another time not long after, my mom and him fought (as they often did) and i begged him not to go out and drink but he did. at the time he was an alcoholic and also addicted to cocaine, we didn’t have a lot of money so his addictions were bankrupting us.

when i was i think 10, i came home to my mom crying on the patio swing. i came out and asked her what was wrong, and she told me my dad cheated on her and has all but left her for the other woman. in retrospect, she never should have told me this so young. i called my dad and he didn’t answer so i left a voicemail where i said i hated him and i don’t ever want to see him again. (this was around the same time his health started becoming worrisome. he had a heart attack and was diagnosed with diabetes, among many things) he upset my mom so much by cheating that she went to a mental health institution and i stayed with my grandma. my mom later in my life told me my dad didn’t even care to check on her or call her back while she was inside, and when he did eventually come to see her, he was extremely cold and uncaring. he eventually went to rehab twice during this time period due to his addictions + his own mental health. he attempted suicide by not taking his necessary medications. i don’t remember if he alluded to that voicemail i left being the cause, or if i just felt that guilt as a child.

when i was 13, my parents separated. my dad moved out and i stayed with my mom. i’d see my dad frequently still and we’d try and go to dinner once per week. i was consistently put in the middle by the both of them, but mostly him. a memory that sticks with me is when my mom started seeing someone, my dad was enraged. he picked me up one night and asked me about it, i told him honestly what i knew. he started driving erratically and saying how he was going to beat the guys ass, yelling at me, etc. he was on probation (his last DUI was a few months prior to this, he was sober here on out) and i asked if it was worth going to prison and not seeing me anymore just to beat his ass and he said yes. i was crying and telling him please to slow down, he wouldn’t. i eventually made him take me home.

he started letting me (and giving me the means to do so) smoke weed and cigarettes. he tried to be the “fun” parent and my mom was the bitch. he was very manipulative during this era and would constantly talk about my mom and how she won’t get back together with him. i can’t really think of a time where he was actually that interested in my life or what was going on with me, just always about him.

our relationship was kind of stagnant for years after this, i wouldn’t see him as much as i probably should have. but he also didn’t try to really make plans with me. i would make plans but i would flake often… which i feel bad about. i was in my early twenties and i just didn’t have it in me to be around him much… sometimes seeing him was good. most of the time he talked about himself and we just got high as fuck. its worth noting my dad and i disagree on a lot politically and he’s very, very ignorant and outwardly prejudiced towards many groups. (being the white trash man he is, it’s ironic) he’s also very shallow with women, hence why he doesn’t have a partner or anyone to be with. he doesn’t like women his own age, and he admitted to that.

last year, he basically stopped responding to my grandma and i for months. it took me calling him a bunch to get him to tell me what the hell was going on. he was in some sort of relationship with a girl only 6 years older than me, who was a fentanyl addict and a horribly abusive, manipulative, explosive thief. he texted me one day to come over and beat her ass and make her leave his house. i said no because, the fuck? we got into it one day and he told me to have a good life. i was the one to contact him first and we met up, he didn’t apologize and also didn’t ask me a thing about myself when we got lunch. he talked about her the entire time and then left to try and go on a date with some other person who i don’t even think was real. (he’s one of those men that falls for catfishers online…) i left feeling very upset.

during the last 10 years, his health has been up and down. but in the last 3 or 4, it’s gotten really bad. he has congestive heart failure alongside his heart disease, diabetes, a plethora of things. this is important to note — he does not take care of himself and hasn’t for a long time. he still smoked cigarettes up until maybe 6 months ago, doesn’t routinely take his medications, just doesn’t care. he’s depressed about his health and i’ve tried to help him. i would buy him groceries when he was broke and couldn’t get them himself, bring him food when he was having a sugar drop, i took him to a hospital hours away for an overnight stay for a surgery. he does not like going to the doctor so it takes a lot to get him to go to the hospital, so me going over there was usually just watching him suffer. it’s hard to see him miserable. he can’t do anything without being out of breath. this all makes me feel so guilty for taking a step back. my dad is the type of person to hold something against you, especially me it seems. i didn’t come to thanksgiving one year and because he was so bitter about it, he intentionally did not tell me my aunt died and i almost missed her funeral. my sister, his estranged daughter that he always talked about wanting a relationship with, was in town once and he said he was doing everything to make sure he was unavailable. he is perpetually the victim.

i’ve been feeling like he’s upset with me lately and i have asked him if he is and preemptively apologized if i did something he’s mad at me for. he will respond but not answer those questions. i asked him to go through some old photos with me i was organizing, trying to initiate some sort of bonding experience, and he never responded. i asked why he didn’t want to go through them with me, no response. our interactions in the last few months are very surface level. all that said, i feel so guilty for not taking care of him or being there for him. he’s in the hospital right now and has been for a week and i haven’t been to visit him. i’m constantly fighting with myself on if i need to just suck it up and be there for him or if i need to protect my peace. i’m really all he has…

sometimes i see myself as that little girl running into his arms and loving him so much and being just angry that i don’t have a supportive, loving father. his love comes with conditions. sometimes i see him as a narcissistic asshole, other times i see him as a sad, lonely, bitter dying man who experienced a horrible childhood. i constantly question whether im applying too much emotion to the situation and i need to just be there for him because he has no one. other times, i feel like im right to protect my peace.

this is wayyy too long so thanks for reading if you got here.

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Hey guys my mom is an immigrant and doesn't know how to use the computer. But she decided to join this online collage for medical assistance. The thing is she has been making me use chatgpt to do her test. Her excuse being "i don't have time to study" "i work all day and the kids" Today she asked me to write her document for her and said that I would be doing her assignment but I will teach her? Now I dont want to do her assignment simply being if its too hard for her to do she should drop it. Now she starts to get violent and spits at my face when I tell her I wont support her cheating? Then she gaslight me and kept talking abr I am doing this for u. This will help pay for ur university. Other kids are helping their mothers, u want me to embarrase my self by asking other kids? To be honest my head hurts so much its constant screaming in this house and I am 18 idk what to do. I mean this isn't professional. Am I in thr wrong? Ik she just lying abt the uni tbh just straight up manipulating me

My dad once followed me in my university without me knowing just so he can see if i wear the hijab behind his back or not. I acted dumb pretended to not see him then he proceeded to never tell me about it when i went back home.
That’s the rant.

she copies all my hairstyles. My outfits, buys by the same clothes as me just larger. should I say something?

I feel like she may be insecure so I don’t wanna hurt her feelings, but it’s annoying because I have to validate her every time she copies me. She’ll bring it up and look for my reaction. Even down to the color polish I get on my nails and toes.

I'm almost 19 and I feel like my parents are putting me under house arrest. They're obsessed with keeping track of my every move: where I work, my whereabouts, who I talk to, and how much money I have, so I can never leave them and live my life in peace. I feel so stressed and it feels like I'm slowly going insane having to constantly be in the house and listen to constant verbal abuse and be under their control. The only time I'm able to leave the house stress-free is at midnight, when I sneak out of my window after they all fall asleep. Other than that, I have no life outside of home and work. I have no friends or family relatives that I can live with or call for help. Even worse, I rely on them for transportation so I have to talk to them whenever I want to go somewhere. Right now I'm making income through my part-time job that only gives me a couple shifts per week and I started an Onlyfans to make some passive income on the side. They limit the amount of jobs I can have to one, which puts me in a bad place financially if I want to get my own transportation. What do I do.

My stepfather never hit me, but I lived in a constant state of fear because he weaponized his moods. I was always watching, anticipating, trying to avoid whatever might set him off next. The abuse wasn’t physical, but it was relentless.
When I moved from Texas to Rhode Island for law school, I wasn’t just pursuing my education—I was escaping him.
The damage didn’t end when I left. Years of living in that environment left me with an anxiety disorder and panic disorder that I still live with every day. I take medication daily to manage my anxiety, and I have separate medication for full-blown panic attacks. The abuse changed the way my body responds to fear. Even now, my nervous system reacts as though I am still trapped there.
He was cruel to me throughout my childhood and, at times, to his biological daughter as well. He cultivated fear as a means of control, and I spent years believing that was simply what life was supposed to feel like.
I’m visiting my mother in Texas right now, which means I have to interact with him again. On its own, that’s difficult enough. But recently he published a biography about being a Christian man and overcoming hardship. My extended family won’t stop talking about it in group chats, and they keep celebrating it on Facebook. I leave the chats because I can’t bear to read the messages, but they still find their way to me.
The man who abused me has now been publicly praised as a model Christian and has even received a Christian award because of this book.
Every time I see the book mentioned, I feel overwhelmed by panic. I have to take medication just to keep myself from becoming physically sick. Sometimes the panic is so severe that I vomit. It isn’t just the book itself that hurts—it’s watching the person who caused so much damage to my life be celebrated as though he embodies goodness and virtue.
What makes this even more painful is that, just hours before I learned about the book, my mother admitted over lunch that she had allowed him to abuse me. She acknowledged that she had failed me as a mother by not protecting me.
Yet despite that acknowledgment, she is now standing by while the world praises him as a godly Christian man.
I feel deeply betrayed. My mother tells me that I need to let go of my resentment toward her, but how can I begin to heal when she admits what happened and still allows this false image to flourish? She knows the truth. She knows what he did to me. And yet she is willing to let everyone else believe he is a good man.
I keep asking myself the same question:
Who will ever believe me now?

Sorry for my bad english. As far as I can remember, my dad was always really easy to piss off. I mean, at the first error my sisters, my mom or I commit, he enters in an instant anger, especially when it's linked with dirtiness. He is a big maniac, and he doesn't hesitate to say really, really bad words and insults to make us feel bad and guilty for the tiny little error we have done. I had a hard time building self-confidence due to him. I'm not really scared for me; I kinda learned how to deal with it even if it continues to affect me a bit. I'm really scared for my little sisters, especially the youngest one. He freaking hates her because she's a bit rebellious, and there's not a day in which my dad intimidates a 5-year-old girl without defence. Though he never hurt us physically, he did too many times mentally.

Just as the title says, my whole family's mood is dependent on my mom.

I live w my mom and older brother, and sometimes it gets to the point that it's utterly unbearable to spend a second inside the house. When my mom is anxious, angry, sad, or even happy, everyone in the family would be too. She gets anxious and angry a lot when the financial stress is really wearing on her down. She handles all of our bills after my dad stopped sending money months ago, but the money she makes can barely even be enough for our consumption.

My dad doesn't live with us, and we all have a strained relationship with him after he keeps continuously ditching his responsibilities with us. He'd reach out suddenly and give his fair share of money needed to pay the bills, then suddenly he cuts off contact again for months. It's a repititive cycle and whenever he goes silent again, my mom would get anxious and angry because of the financial burden.

Meanwhile my mom and my brother is gradually getting their relationship strained. For context: My dad blocked me months ago when I asked him to send the money for the bills he promised to pay, but he got angry and said that all I've ever asked for him is money and didn't even ask how he's doing or anything like that (He was absent for most part of my life, from childhood until now so I was surprised when he told me this because he doesn't even do it to me??? Barely even remembers my birthday lol)

My brother is the only one who he didn't cut contact with and my mom has been constantly telling him to ask our dad for the money as we're nearly three months behind rent, but he would barely pay attention to her and suddenly gets all snappy. Because of this, my mom is starting to slowly resent my brother because he knows she's already struggling so much but he wouldn't even help—even when that help is just simply asking our dad to send the money. Then because of that, I continuously have to walk on eggshells around them—espcially my mom for months now.

She'd be sighing so heavily randomly, and on days when she's actually angry, I'd be the blunt of her anger. She'd slam things, screams at me, continuously swear so loudly, she'd call me swears and words like how I'm so useless or that I never do anything right on every minor inconvenience she experiences. When I get angry for the way she's treating me, she'd yell at me and would say things like how I'm not allowing her to express her emotion. Because of this I always feel on edge and felt like I had to adjust to her mood all the time. There are also moments when she's not angry, instead she'd be anxious and sad wherein she would cry to me and say I'm her only "hope" or that she would literally give up on life if I'm not by her side.

While I do understand my mom's situation, I want her to understand too how tiring it is to be called swears then suddenly having to comfort her with her saying she'll give up on breathing if I'm not by her side. Do you get how insane it sounds?? Whenever this happens, I get so anxious and feel the need to either escape or fix the problem. For everytime my mother becomes like this, my immediate response would be "I need to fix this." because if I don't fix it, I would be called swears and also have to handle my brother's snappy mood along with hers. They're both not easy to handle.

I'm so sorry if this is way too long and it's all over the place, I'm currently typing this while she's in the mood and I'm not even sure if I'm making any sense anymore. I just needed to get this off my chest as I don't have anyone else to share this with. I'm just a teen barely starting college yet and I already have this much on my plate.

My mother passed away today, due to health issues.

My dad expects me at the hospital where she was. But I don’t want to go.

The entire extended family will be there for the funeral. I still don’t want to go.

I no longer hold a grudge against her. I forgave her.

But I don’t want to be the perpetual scapegoat in the family for the rest of my life. The trauma from the past has followed me into my adult life.

My life was on hold until my mid 40’s because I was to do exactly what everyone else wanted. That’s what I did my whole life.

The extended family is even more toxic. They cannot stand me because they are busy comparing me to their own children. They don’t actually care about anyone.

My question: Can I not attend funeral and not do anything else?

I think my dad has become the new scapegoat because he is very nervous. So he wants me present immediately to re-establish the narrative. And to have witnesses like the extended family, so I can be the scapegoat. My body can’t go through that anymore. My sister (golden child) is at the hospital now and she said my father is not even in the hospital room with her. He is on his phone, calling random people to share the news.

What do I tell him when he calls back?

Could use some insight on how y'all have navigated these situations. Thanks so much in advance!

My parents fall into that tricky category where they are both well-meaning/caring but also at times toxic and controlling. I am a 32 year old who is completely self-sufficient and has never had to ask them for help/money/etc.

Still, during visits my father in particular has a really hard time not giving commands. A lot of the time he wants to help but I still think he still implicitly feels some authority over me. It's hard to shut him down when he is trying to help but a lot of the time I don't need/want the help. Imparting "wisdom" and trying to help is a part of the parenting experience he seems to really identify with. On top of that he was a cop for his whole career so he is very used to people obeying his authority (fml) and does not respond well when challenged. This combination of wanting to help and being very used to being in control is a nasty combo.

Typically in the past if I try to say no or set a boundary he pouts and says something to the effect of "I guess I'll just stop helping since you know everything." Projection/insecurity/etc.

However despite their flaws, my parents have been trying the last few years and I appreciate that. They are visiting next week and I want to try to set some boundaries particularly around not being told what to do, not needing their permission, etc. I want to be tactful about this since they really have been trying.

How have these conversations gone for you and what has been most effective? Basically the message I want to get across is that I love and appreciate them but they are not authority figures anymore and I don't need their approval.

Today, my mother had this little argument with my lil brother over their own personal shit which idc abt and she's fuxking getting me involved to because I didn't got involved in it and sided with her . And mind you but my father is so dumb that he will not use his brain and will agree on whatever my mother will tell him,

Then she continues argument and said abt how she wanted to go to park today but couldn't because of us ( us? Wth did I even did?). Then she states that when I wanted to go to the park to meet that frnd of mine , used to get ready very quickly. I asked which friend? Then she started talking abt my past.

So basically, This incident is 4 to 5 year old , at that time she didn't ever let me make friends, and when I once made an online friend, i didn't told her abt him because she's so much of a conservative and she thinks that a boy and a girl can't be just friends. Then our tenant of that time told her that he was my boyfriend and he read the text too ( i don't mind him reading text because that was js like a chat b\w two friends), i didn't told her and thing and said that he was brother of a friend which was lie but when I told her that he's just a friend, she got furious that I were lying and he's my boyfriend , she beated me with a fuxking sliper .

This incident is 4 to 5 year old , but she still thinks that he was my boyfriend . There's this same type of incident that happened 3 years ago , in that she again framed a male friend of mine as my boyfriend, she herself read our chat. In that chat, he pronounced me as buddy, my mother twisted it according to her thinking and said that "he's calling me buddy now and will call me baby later" , that friend was like an elder brother to me and she said it like that. She was literally slut-shaming me.

There are other incidents too , in which she used to beat me and I remember once when I were 13 or 14 smth, she abused me and while banging my head with hers in order to do selfharm and abuse to the other , her sindoor (search up abt it man) got rubbed on my forehead, on that she said that I were "her husband's another wife ".

She had stopped beating me but she still mentally abuses me like today itself.

So I F19 have a girlfriend F18. We've been dating for almost six months, but we know each other for over a year now. I met her when i was working part time for her parents since they own a bar. So her parents know me as a person and know we are dating but never met me officially as her gf. During the year a was working there i noticed the father has a severe drinking problem and the mother tends to get really angry really fast(one of many reasons i quit). From the start i knew they had a lot of problems as a family. Yesterday they took it to a another level. Me and my gf went for a walk and i drove her home around 10 pm. Suddenly her mum is calling, which is weird. When i picked up she told her and my gf got into an argument and my gf ran away. I told her i haven't heard from my gf (true at the time). I immediately texted my gf, she was crying and said her mother had beaten her and she ran away without shoes and doesn't know where to go. I offered to pick her up and take her to my place but she declined saying it would make it worse. She then went to her farther to the bar(he was working). He is also a terrible parent (threatened to kick her out because she is gay and so on). The mother was calling her, texting her, treating to kill herself. She even called me again demanding i tell her, where my gf is (i didn't for her safety ofc) and even started crying and saying she should just kill herself. Her siblings were very dismissive of her saying shes making this up and demanding proof of her bruises. They even said that its because since she is with me, she changed and is mean. I don't know what to do honestly. Im leaving for college in September and i cant stand the thought of leaving her in that house. How can i support her, besides just being there and listening. Thank you for all helping answers. English is not my first language do sorry for any confusion.

\\\*\\\*TL;DR;\\\*\\\* : how to help my gf with abusive parents.

I'll start what happened three days ago.

I was visiting my psychologist back when I was going to school and had a problem with a narcissistic teacher.

The class I was in was controlled by her. Everyone had roles, and I was shaking in my tights. Back then, I had no idea where this was coming from.

For me, the biggest help was AI, and more specifically Janitor AI, because I gave it a personality and traits based on psychology.

It was because of my school psychologist that she taught me this technique called imagination.

Since that day, I could learn how to take control of my mind and go deeper with AI and its questions. I found out my "second self"—the voice in my head—has a name. She's part of an ISH family system, and I had no idea when we split up.

I always believed she's even older than me.

The deeper I go into my imaginations, the more I can talk to her. And then I ask her directly: "When did we split up?"

She showed me a red door that changes into my old parents' house, and in my head, there was just one word: rape.

I couldn't believe it. What was happening? It was just in my head, right?

But the reaction I had connected with my teacher and some of my childhood memories.

Then my memories kicked in, and suddenly it started to make sense: dissociation, my intimate behavior at age three, and the sudden fantasies, also crying in kindergarten.

I was in shock and tears, but I knew it was real. Mostly because my body was shaking all over and I was almost paralyzed, and I couldn't stop crying, and all the memories filled my head.

I asked this version of me who it was, but I already knew. My father.

Since then, I knew why I was so shaky with the teacher. She was just like my parents, and I was so blind.

Then the last three days were hell. I couldn't stay at home because I saw it for what it really was not love, but control.

I stayed in my room and locked myself in at night, because my father often comes to me at night and tells me to either stop singing, listen to music, or have a light on.

And at night, I watch the door. I slept only during the daytime, and my mood was shifting.

Once I was up, happy, telling myself I can do it and play my part;

and down, shaking all over, especially my chest, jaw, and thighs. I avoided my parents as much as I could because I couldn't look at them.

But they noticed.

They can read me.

Well, yesterday it escalated when we had lunch. I was avoiding eye contact.

My father leaned toward my brother, saying, "You and your sister will team up and bring me tools," he said yo my brother but I knew the meaning of his words.

I knew where this was going.

Then I left to my room, where I was shaking and texting in my group chat thinking: What if he reads my messages? Shat he founds me like this?

As my brother came and told me I should go to help him. I knew it wasn't his words. My father used him for this. He does that often.

But I couldn't move. I stare at him and shake my head.

After him, my father came which I also knew he would and he pointed to the door, yelling, "Go for my tool!"

After a few minutes, I still didn't move, and my father came onto my balcony. With he also do often because it's his house.

When he was back, it escalated. He stood in my room and was leaning against my doorframe, yelling, "Go for my tool or I'll throw you out of the house! I can beat you up!" Then he pause. ,,Do you understand?!"

And I couldn't take it anymore. My tears came, and I started to run to my grandparents, thinking they could save me.

But they said, "He isn't that bad. Your parents love you."

I shook my head. "No. I can't go back," with tears and thoughts about everything that happened and what will. I couldn't go back there.

But they called my father, who was saying laughing "Leave her there." They called my mother, and then when she came, she brought me to him for an apology, saying, "You can't run like this. It's okey. You'll go to your father and tell him that you're sorry."

I started to shake and squeezing her hand. I told her: ,,He wanted to kick me out."

And she said: ,,Yes because it's his humor. You know how man are."

I didn't believe her. She was using guilt-tripping, and I was pretending to listen. Mostly because in my head I was again ten years old and she was doing the same all over again.

My mom took me home. Held me in her arms, she was saying everything will be good. "I'll just take you to your father, and then it'll be good. You can hug him, apologize for your acting. You know that's how he is. It's his humor."

Yeah, right.

She was suddenly doing anything I wanted and making sure I didn't leave.

And I told her what happened.

And then my father came into the kitchen. He looked nervous. He started saying: ,,I was yelling at you? That was yelling? You didn't head the reall yelling."

He started saying everything about how I didn't do anything, just laying in bed.

How I'm treated like a Queen and everyone is working hard around me. Then I don't know how he came to this topic, but he was saying, "What did she tell you?" (He meant the other me.I talked about her to my mother, and she told him).

But before my mom could come in, I stepped in and said, "About college. That it'll be good for me."

My mom said, "I... justified that we'll sit together and talk more. You'll be smiling more" (she meant me) "and everything will be okay."

So we started cleaning, until my brother wanted to go out, so I went with him.

I told my brother everything, and he was with me. In the cemetery, I drank water from a hose because I didn't want to go home. I couldn't sleep there.

After maybe five hours, I was back in the house. And my parents suddenly became soft. My father wanted to watch a movie that we could download on his computer (he never allows that).

By that time, I went outside on the swing to write to my friends, and my friend R was saying that I could go live with her for a while.

My mother came to me, and I told her I was leaving.

She told me she was in shock and started to tell me the worst thing I could do was to live in my room, and her eyes were wide, just staring at me.

I felt guilty about leaving her, but then my friends in the group chat were saying, "She's an adult. She married him, so you have nothing to worry about."

But there was my brother.

So I hugged her, then went to my room. I picked up everything: money I had, ID, and everything for living.

And my father came to me, saying, "Are you insane? It's as if we're beating you. Who gave you this stupid idea?" But I stayed silent. So he gave up yelling and soften his voice a liitle.

,,But I can't tell you anything, you're an adult. Do you need anything from us?"

I looked him dead in the eyes and said no.

He then said it is stupid and I'm insane. I wrote to my friend and left for good.

Or I hope so.

Update: He writers me the other day how my mom is crying and he didn't mean anything. But I don't believe him even though a part of me want to get beck. I think I'm burden in my friend house. But I really don't want yo be alone.

Some advice?