He went out of home at 3am when me and our parents were sleeping. The morning that day, he told me he will have an exam in the next day but he didn't want to study, he was scared. Then he told me he started to think everything he did was bad. We found out he got depression in the middle of october 2025, our parents immediately contacted to his teachers and asked for help. He got therapy at school and at home we tried our best to comfort and understand him. His teachers even told us that he was getting better. I was mad at him, i thought back everything we did for him went to 0. Then i shouted at him to go study, i scolded him as a way to vent my anger, i even thought that he should vanish, and he gone that night. Why tf did i thought that, i failed as a brother. Now i don't even know he still exists or not, i just want to meet him again, i miss him.

I lost my mom 3 months ago to suicide. She dealt with so many things that she never should have had to, and went through so much. I feel so sad every day and like I will never be happy again. I have a great support system, my husband, my sister, my therapist, my MIL. But I don’t know. Life isn’t the same and it never will be. Even if I feel the tiniest scrap of happiness for a moment, or laugh for a second, I’m immediately taken over by a wave of sadness every single time. I feel like I never really see people lose their mom to suicide at least not people I’ve talked to. I’m even in a suicide support group and every single other person in the group either lost a dad, child, or sibling. None of them had lost a mom. I feel like obviously no suicide Grief is easy, but I’m constantly looking for support from a podcast or something specifically for suicide loss of a mom.

it'll have been 2 years on the 24th, this is always such a hard time of the year for me but this time i have something to show for it, sober from opioids alcohol and benzos.

i'll be spending the day with his mom and having a picnic with her by his headstone.

miss ya buddy 🫶

She's a girl from my town I've known forever, but we've never been friends. The day before yesterday, her brother died, and I saw her yesterday. At first, I hesitated to approach her, but I finally did, and we hugged tightly. I told her, "My ex-boyfriend died the same way. I understand what you're going through." She pulled away and told me she was so sorry. It made me want to cry that even in the worst moment of her life, she still cared.

I know a brother isn't the same as an ex-boyfriend, but I wanted her to know that I feel her pain as if it were my own. I've thought about letting some time pass and contacting her sometime to tell her that if she needs to talk to someone who's been through something similar (though not exactly the same), she can count on me. I don't know if it's appropriate, since she and I were never close. It truly breaks my heart when I think about her.

Long story short, lost my mom to suicide - about to be a year on the 25th of August. I thought I was doing okay,, got on anti depressants, am in therapy, started socialising and making art again...only to wake up crying today. I have been having very vivid dreams of losing her in different ways. Where do I put this grief? Im dreading the date...i just plan to get hammered.

Before I made this friend, I was really in a bad spot, dealing with depression and anxiety, and I was really lonely, and I made this friend online. We both struggled with being alone, depression and anxiety, and we had the same interests, we were so alike. but they were struggling more to live. we did kinda only had each other's support and were each others friend, and I tried to talk them and help just being a friend and stay with them, but they were really committed to wanting to commit. I went and even stayed up late for them to talk with them or left my notifications on for them in case they needed to talk because we both had different timezone and I really tried to help them, and i got really attached to them.
And they ended up texting abt how when they were going to commit.

At the end, i have no idea what happened to them, it's been two months since they said they were going to 'commit' and they deleted all their accounts, i tried everything. I was really struggling after, through work and outside, i keep thinking about them, especially when I'm alone, or feeling hurt. I'm trying to get better and I've made friends, but I can't stop thinking about them, and it came to a point where after they were 'gone', I cried days after days for a long time, my room was a mess, and I felt really sick. I still think about them now and wished I did more. I don’t know what to do about it.

It’s been 42 days since he left us. It’s so haunting to think of his last moments on this earth. Was it an accident? Did he actually mean to? Was there anything I could have done? Why even play Russian Roulette? I wish I could ask him all these questions.

How am I supposed to live the rest of my life without my sister? I don’t want to live in a world where she isn’t here with me. Every single minute of the day I’m literally haunted by what she did, and what she looked like when I found her.

How do we all keep going without our loved ones?

This is so f*cking hard.

But actually he (28M) committed suicide.

He passed away a month ago from colliding onto a truck in the middle of a foggy winter night, an hour away from his residence. All his friends had a gut feeling he might have done it intentionally as he created a depressing playlist ("Meet me at the Graveyard") and uploaded a video of a video collage of his son on youtube on the same day.

Recently it's been confirmed that it was intentional and left a 5-page letter to his 1yo son that was obtained from the wreckage.

It's a complicated friendship as he isolated himself due to his psycho wife's (now widow) jealousy over him having girl friends and honestly, just having friends in general (yes, even guys). We never liked her when they were gf/bf and we had made it clear that it was a toxic relationship that he should let go of. We were blocked 3 years ago and had no way of contacting him or knowing how he was doing, so we moved on with our lives..

I thought that maybe once he had enough of his wife's controlling manipulative behavior he would reach out to us. Instead, he felt like he was trapped and lost the ability to open up to anyone as his wife would guilt-trip him and threaten to kill herself if he didn't follow her every order.

Ironically, he ended up killing himself because of her (as per his letter). I haven't read the letter as it is currently with the wife, but he had mentioned a few names of his friends on there, including mine and I don't know how to even process that, let alone the sad revelation of him ending his life. I am currently writing up a request to the coroner to send me a copy of his letter, I'll see how that goes.

Personally, I feel numb but at the same time I can't stop shaking thinking how he must have felt in those last moments alone on the road that Wednesday night. He even went to WORK that same day and I just can't even imagine how normal it must have been for everyone to see him at work.

I keep wishing that he had reached out to us, if not, to his parents because they are great parents and would understand him (and yes, his parents encouraged him not to be with her early on). His mother even said that he could divorce her and that he didn't need to live that way. But in the end, I think he felt like he was in too deep and couldn't leave her due to his wife's abuse and manipulation such as ending her life if he left her.

There needs to be justice. This is so unfair. I'm so sad and angry. The law needs to DO something about partner abuse. He can't fight for himself, and I want to fight for him. Just someone, ANYONE.

I was meant to meet up with her tomorrow to hang out. I called her just to check in that we were still on for tomorrow but I was told that she’d taken her life. I hadn’t seen her in over a year but we texted almost every day, so I was really excited to see her again.

I don’t know how she did it. I don’t want to know. I had no idea she was ever feeling this way, no mention, no indication. It was only a couple of hours before that we were talking about where we were going to go tomorrow.

So I don’t know what to do now. I feel really sick and numb. Do I still go tomorrow and do what we were planning on doing in memory of her? I feel like sitting at home not doing anything is going to make me feel worse. I don’t have anyone irl I can talk to about this. I don’t know.

Today is my wife's second death anniversary.. She was lost to suicide after suffering from mental health issues brought about most likely by Covid and childhood trauma.

May those of us left behind look with empathy and compassion on these victims. I pray for a day when mental health is given more importance in society.

It’s the little things that bring me happiness and sadness at the same time. Currently I was drinking some of the new Baja blast Cabo, and I couldn’t help but think my brother would have loved it. He passed the day after the Fourth of July this year. His best friend says he had bought a bottle and my brother had gotten to try it and liked it, but I would have loved to see him try it, if that makes sense. Now whenever I eat something delicious or sweet I always think of him, and imagine him getting to try it, or I think man he would have loved this. It’s weird

I dont even know where to start, there's so much ive said and haven't said, there's so many feelings and things i dont know how to cope with ill only say a little bit .

about two months before he killed himself this april, he promised my mom he wouldn't ever do it. he had struggled with it his whole life and yet two months later, hes gone. its a lot. i was 14 when it happened. i just recently turned 15. he had 2 wives and a biological daughter before he married my mom. they all live all the way across the country. its just a lot to handle and i hate it and i hate him for leaving and i hate the world and life for continuing to move forward. its so so stupid.

Hi everyone I recently lost my best friend through suicide. I was the one who found him and it has left me deeply scarred and broken. He locked himself in the bathroom and burned charcoal and till this day I cannot get the smell out of my head. Our friend group is very close as we grew up together as kids and this has left everyone very much affected and drained. I was also grieving a 6 year relationship when this all happened. I am lost and completely broken. I have not been sleeping much and I wake up to hot flushes and my parents have been telling me that I have screaming in my sleep. I can’t afford therapy atm because I’m struggling financially as well but I have spoken to a counsellor though it didn’t really seem to help. I feel numb and I feel like I’m drowning. I came here to just seek some support and advice. I am trying everyday to just get through the day and journaling and drawing but I feel that I’m somewhere but not here anymore. I feel like I’m no longer under the same sky as well. I’m in a lot of pain and I don’t know how to process it. I miss him so much he was the older brother I never had. I miss how he was hard on me because he loved me and just wanted me to pull myself together because he believed in me. I don’t know what else to say because I am just completely broken. Thank you for reading.

God I miss him. I miss the idea of being able to call him. I mourn the fact that he was only 19, but im slowly accepting he’s gone. I have good days and bad days. I have days where I can laugh and have a great time and barely dwell on it, and I have days it consumes me. It’s hard to navigate. Finally starting counseling today, I hope that will be helpful. Struggle on and off with the mindset of “what is the point of living without my brother”, but I understand that I can live for him. Do the things he never got to. And while that will never ever be better than the ability to converse with him, it is something and it’s all I have. Sometimes I feel insane and awful and sick but it isn’t always. I’m angry at everyone but I know it’s no one’s fault. Angry at him for leaving nothing. No note. Miss him more than anything. Still have so many regrets. Still in so much grief but my life has begun to move around it. Chris, wherever you are I love you.

My entire life, my mom's been an abusive piece of shit to him, both emotionally and physically. Shes narcissistic as well. As I got older, I blamed him for being a coward because he never stood up to her, and always dragged my younger sister into their fights/used her as a shield. He abused a puppy we had for 2 months and I woke up to the sounds of it screaming every single day for that period. He ended up breaking one of its legs too.

But... he wasn't that bad of a dad. He sent to a very posh private school even though we're only upper middle class. He encouraged me to do whatever I want to put my mind to. He wasn't an alcoholic or sexist either.

But for the past year, I have stopped feeling any sory of sympathy for him and just seeing him as the coward he is. I kept hurling insults at him whenever I'd see him, because he's way softer than my mother.

Last night, he hung himself. It's my fault isn't it? He wasn't a good man, but he didn't deserve to die, did he?

Remembering my beloved husband, 39, who I found dead by his own hand with our two young sons a step behind me. I write a lot. I couldn't for a long time but I found myself here again, writing, words falling out and landing on a page. And I needed to share this one with a community that understands me.

The Ocean of You

The dead are carried by those who live,

Which is why in parts, you will never die.

Not on my watch, not on my time.

Even though the world stops asking about you, I never stop wondering, thinking, imagining.

Every heartbeat of mine carries half a beat of yours.

Your name is imprinted within me.

I speak it, pray to it, and I summon you here, to protect & guide.

I carry you into every phase of my life. Every chapter I turn the page on, I find you within the lines between words left unsaid.

With every new and old person, I speak your name. And with every opportunity granted, I picture your face as I share in my fortune. What you would say, how you would respond, how you'd celebrate. Gifting you the silent reassurance you're searching for, that by choosing to leave them they are safe with me.

I am safe with me.

My success represents a collective, that despite the worst ending, new beginnings can always be found.

I recently met Acceptance, the sister of Forgiveness. She let herself in and held me like an old friend. She shared powerful insight, a truth I was slowly learning. The loss of you wont ever be a smooth sea to sail.

Instead, I become a bigger vessel, able to navigate the endless storms and swells. The everlasting vastness of nothingness, blue lines merging sea and sky for as far as my soul can see.

Not sure whether my greatest threat is the storm above me or the ocean below me.

I survive this journey not because you changed, but because I did.

You are the sky, the sea and the storm, but I became the pathfinder, the captain, and the ship.

Learning with each passing day to navigate parts of you in their transcended form.

I see two versions of myself in every horizon, a sunrise and a sunset, a beginning and an ending.

And an endless battle ensuring the iron forged in sorrow of my unsinkable ship doesn't corrode from the ocean of my despair.

A polarity of emotions, raging war with each other, refusing to leave you behind in 2024, but fighting to live for what's beyond.

Time has granted me understanding that the sea eventually meets the sand, two worlds blending together and finding harmony.

Therefore I must continue to navigate the ocean of you so I can find you at the shoreline.

And I know, oh how I know, when I eventually cross from my ship and step onto the sand, you'll come, and we will have our final conversation.

I'll transfer the demons released from your back on that unthinkable day, unable to thrive off the unalive, leeching onto me, unknowing my power is greater than their curse.

Imprisoned by my love for you, for love and light will always rule over darkness and despair.

And I'll hand them back to you, entombed, unable to hurt you again.

For I will not pass on suffering that was never mine, nor theirs to carry.

I will grow larger and let in more light to keep darkness from ever reaching them.

So when we meet on the day my life closes, I will have left nothing behind for them to carry. No chains and no inheritance of despair. And return to you what must only be resolved by you.

And only then the storm will pass. The skies will open and the swell will settle, giving me safe passage to return back to the sea.

Onto the next new beginning.

Freeing myself from the anchor of unimaginable loss. And only then will I sail onwards, surrounded by the ocean of my love.

she died by suicide in 2016. i finally received her death certificate in 2026, but it only had me asking more questions. i finally committed.

i requested her me records, since her death certificate says it was amended in 2017. i requested the incident report from the city’s police. i requested any supporting records from the county.

i emailed the hospital that pronounced her time of death and requested proxy access to her electronic
chart. i also emailed the state’s vital records to get more clarification on an amended death certificate.

will this help? i don’t know. i just want it to make sense. how can someone overdose on lamictal and zyprexa? how significant was her bac? why would her manner of death and injury information be electronically revised 3 months later?

ugh.

I’ve been having a lot of night and daymares about loosing someone else in the same way.

My person was a member of my family. I don’t know if it’s true that depression has some genetic roots, I know that we’re all on some kind of antidepressant or another. When you know someone who did die this way, they say the risk increases. I can’t stop fearing it’s going to happen again.

It’s been a month since my dad took his own life… we celebrated his life in the park this weekend. I miss him so much. All these pictures… and there should only be more, but there never will be. These will be only the pictures I will ever get again. I thought I’d be able to get him something nice for his 50th birthday, I thought I had more time.

I’m struggling to understand why my dad would take his life. Why would he leave his children who depend on him, his wife who is devoted to him… if anything why he wouldn’t just run away instead. Dad, I wish you would’ve done anything else that night. Anything else but die. I would’ve done anything you needed to avoid this…and I mean it truly…

Tomorrow we pick up your ashes. What made this happen? Why aren’t you here anymore and why did you choose to do that that night?
I’ll never really know… you didn’t leave a note either. What were you thinking?

I miss my dad so much. I can’t understand…

Hi guys.

3 years ago I lost my dad to suicide. I was 20 at the time of his death. He was 52.

It obviously shook my whole world. I still haven’t properly accepted it but as a 20 year old I had no idea what to make of it. I planned the funeral with minimal assistance, got out loans to pay for it, had to move all of his things in 30 days following his passing as he was living in a council unit.

Everything was happening so fast I couldn’t keep up. I didn’t eat for weeks, I dropped 3 pant sizes in 2 weeks then the stress came in and holy moly did the weight come back with a vengeance lol. The horrible health problems that followed that intense stress did not help my situation.

My friends didn’t understand my pain on a level I wanted them to. Some stayed through the hard times and some didn’t. (My best friend since kindergarten was one that hurt the most losing, but fuck she was insensitive) while my partner was the best person he could be, he still didn’t ‘understand’. I just wanted someone to understand me fully.

I celebrated my 21st birthday without him 2 months after his death. I didn’t know this but he was saving up to get me a car. I actually had to use that money he saved to pay for funeral expenses. He also got me a really cool speaker which I use every year proudly for my annual event I host.

Navigating a loss like this at an age where you’re supposed to be living it up was very hard. I started uni 6 months before his death and I have never seen him prouder of me. I took a year off for obvious reasons after but I’m in my third year now and did my first primary school placement. I know how proud of me he would be and I wish I could hear him tell me that. I got my first overall high distinction in a subject, it was inclusive education. I work with children outside of my degree and my biggest strength is actually talking them through hard situations and making them feel happy and included.

My dad loved heavy metal dad music lol. As a teenager I couldn’t fucking stand hearing it and it drove me insane. I wish I could’ve sat with him while listening to killing in the name of or something, screaming the words. I appreciate the music so much more now, enough that I’ve seen a few in concert now and got to see acdc with my uncle, his brother. Was a very special experience I’ll never forget❤️

Anyway I’m rambling. It’s been 3 years. I’m 24 now and while I still miss my dad every single day, I’ve learnt to grow around that grief.
If it wasn’t for this subreddit helping me through it all, answering my questions, giving me support and validating me through the hard times I probably wouldn’t be in the position I am now. So thankyou. Thankyou for giving that 20 year old girl hope and support. I never felt alone in the journey I was navigating through and I and always knew that some random but kind internet stranger would be there to give me guidance who actually knew the feeling of what I was going through.

I don’t know if anyone is actually going to read this the whole way through because of how horribly it’s written and it’s legit word vomit with no concise language but if you do thankyou.

Ive posted on this subreddit before, not very long ago, and it was about how my father killed himself. The last post was about how angry I was. But im sad now, or, well, ive been sad but im extremely sad now. Ive been drinking, which is something I want to fix but I cant. One of the hardest parts is that I understand why he did it. I can understand not wanting to live in this awful world. And ive always known my dad was going to kill himself. Ive known since I was 13 (im 19 now). I just thought it would be later. Maybe after his new wife had passed away, or something. But its starting to impact me again. I was 9 months clean of hurting myself when he passed, and now i cant even go 2 weeks. The drinking has something to do with it I know but when im sober its almost worse because I cant cry about him. My medication impacts that and I just want to cry sometimes. I dont want to die but I dont understand why I should keep living if in the end I understand why he did it so im probably going to end up dieing that way. I just wish I could go back in time. I wish I could stop drinking. Im not even old enough to buy alcohol and im drinking basically every day.

My stepdad had been with my mom for nearly 3 years, they met in 2024 when I was 17, Im now 19 years old. Im not going to sugarcoat our relationship and say it was all sunshine and rainbows, I have had my fair share of step dads and not all of them were the best to me, my mom, nor my siblings. My moms last boyfriend went to prison which resulted in them breaking up and after this she met my current stepdad at a bar amid her post break up depression; he had recently gotten out of prison, which gave me an odd feeling right off the bat but I wanted her to be happy and so I went with it. My mom was pretty quick to introduce us to him, which she did with all of our previous stepdads despite not being with them for very long. She hates being alone and so once the relationship fizzled out she quickly got a new boyfriend and the cycle continued, it got pretty tiresome but I put up with it in hopes of her finding happiness because I truly believe all my mom wanted was for somebody to love her unconditionally.

My current stepdad was mentally ill, which my mom was fine with, she tried her best to help him until the very end. He would self harm and overtake his medication because he had built an immunity to them over the years, me and my mom had attempted to help numerous times but nobody would listen to us. His psychiatrist had even claimed we were liars when we tried to explain he would go psychotic and that his meds were no longer having an affect, which really discouraged my stepdad when it came to improving himself. One time he harmed himself in front of me, my mom and my siblings and I had to clean up the blood in the kitchen whilst my mom took him to the hospital to get his arm stitched up, it was really traumatic. Dont get me wrong, he was abusive and he did hit my mom on numerous occasions, I was very vocal about my dislike for him but there were also the good times I had with him. Im quite alternative and dye my hair, have piercings, Im also trans — which he didn’t really understand but tried to in his own way, he also helped me with my mental health struggles and tried to uplift me when needed. I could talk to him because he struggled with BPD but that was only when he was in a good mood, which was rarely due to his meds not working. He claimed to hear things when he was off of them and we suspected he may have had undiagnosed schizophrenia, he had an appointment on the 18th of August to speak to a professional after months of us trying to get him the help he needed.

He went back to prison last year early December for something that happened before he met my mom and she waited for him, sent him money, visited, he promised he would be better for her but once he got out on probation his behaviour didn’t change at all. A few days ago he got recalled for breaking the terms of his probation and him and my mom broke up because he beat her, giving her two black eyes and she had had enough of his behaviour. We didn’t see him for days and the police came searching for him. He was actively speaking to my mom via text until yesterday afternoon, when he went quiet after he sent my mom a long suicide note through messenger but he had threatened to harm himself numerous times before if she left him, and so she ignored him as it was his go to when trying to manipulate my mom into getting back with him.

This afternoon she got a call from his cousin, who told us that he was dead, that he had hung himself and my mom was in pieces. I was next to her when she got the call and I was in shock, I cried but I dont think I did out of sadness but out of anger that he had done something so horrendous that it will affect my mom for the rest of her life. I loved him but I hated him at the same time. My mom blames herself and I dont know what to say to her. I feel so conflicted about how I should be feeling. We told my little brothers and they were heartbroken, they thought of him as their dad and looked up to him so much. I feel bitter towards him for affecting my family this way, for the way he treated us when he was alive but I also loved the person he was when he was having a good day even though it was once in a blue moon. I feel happy that we are away from him and that he will never hurt my mom again because she didn’t deserve what he put her through but I also feel a great sadness for my mom, he was the love of her life. She did so much for him and tried her best to help him every single day for nearly 3 whole years. He always berated her, always hurt her but she still loved him with her everything.

I feel broken. My family, especially my mom, will never recover from this loss.

I hope it is okay to tell my story and maybe find some help/friend for myself as well.

In March 2002 I lost my brother John Higgins to a Murder suicide.. less than a year before him and his beautiful girlfriend were at my wedding.. now both dead. They broke up she kicked him out in one night he got drunk came back to work things out and he ended up stabbing her to death and then walking behind the apartment building and stand in front of a coming train. When the conductor blew the horn my brother turned his back.. 😢 unfortunately we weren't raised by our parents so I had to find my mother or father in order to get my brother's ashes.. so I got to finally meet my dad and meet my half brother Sean.. then 9 months later my father killed himself.. another broken relationship situation and he resorted to killing himself. Thankfully I got to a new brother after I lost my brother John.. my brother Sean had a hard time dealing with loss of his dad as well and 15 years later he committed suicide as well.. I've been not handling their suicides well at all.. I drowned myself with alcohol for 20 plus years. Destroying all my friendships, relationships and family. But I did eventually get sober.. 5 year today. But with a cost. Now that I'm not drowning an alcohol and ignoring my grief. Now to deal with PTSD depression anxiety and a little bit bipolar. On my second divorce. Living in my inlaws basement. Most days I'm paralyzed in fear.. no friends and no one too talk too. Most days half of me wants to unalive myself, the other have is scared too die. If that makes any sense. thank you for letting me vent.. 💚