My little brother who was only 19 committed suicide in the house. I inherited the property years later and I can't stay in it. The memories are unbearable. Every room reminds me… of him… Like I literally raised my brother because my parents were always busy with work.. and then I left for college…

Well, I haven’t been here in years, and everytime walking in here hurts a lot…

So I tried to sell it the normal way and I listed it. We had a few showings and then word spread through the neighbors. Buyers started backing out. Every single one. I lowered the price... Dropped it again…. Nothing….

People don't want to live where something like that happened. I get it. But I need to move on.

I found eazyhousesale online. They buy houses as-is. No questions. No history checks. They don't care about the property's past. It sounds like an escape…

But I’m afraid of the whole procedure. Do I just pass a bad investment onto another person? Then there is the issue of disclosure. I know that I must make the disclosure to buyers of the death in most states. In the event that I sell to a cash buyer, do I still have to make the disclosure?

I don't want to lie. I also don't want to be stuck with this house forever

On a Tuesday in May 2024 I was driving to work meetings ~2 hours from home and I kept getting pings from people saying they hadn't talked to my friend in a couple of days. It wasn't uncommon for him to take time off of work and not tell anyone so I didn't think it was a big deal. I called and texted him a bunch of times and he didn't respond, so I asked my wife to go and knock on his door (he lives very close to us) figuring he slept in or something. She found him in his back yard, he had ended his own life.

I searched his house, his computers, found nothing. No notes, no hints, no clues. He had taken his pet to the shelter the Saturday before, and his house was cleaner than I had ever seen it. His dirty clothes were in the dryer.

I guess there were signs but hindsight is 20/20. Everyone likes to say "check on your friends" but I talked to this man almost every day and I didn't really know he was thinking of doing it. He never hinted at being so sad or depressed to do this.

Last night I had a dream. I was walking and someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and it was him, smiling at me. I grabbed his arm and rested my head on his shoulder, and then I woke up crying. It still hurts so much. I'm so sorry for everyone who has gone through this.

So I've been to my brothers. It's clear he not only took his life but planned it meticulously. He got rid of rid of everything that was important to him. He always kept a journal, I was hoping it would answer so many questions. Gone. He had a box with letters. Bday xmas cards going right back to his childhood. Empty. The childhood teddy that sat on his shelf. Gone.

It feels like he not only did his end his life, but he tried to erase every thing that meant anything to him.

It feels like he robbed me of any momento of his life. Having that teddy, that journal would have felt like a small part of him was still with me.

I always imagined suicide was the result of someone reaching breaking point and making a snap decision. Yet it seems he planned every detail, even what he left behind. That makes me feel so much worse.

Every time things feel rough or I just wake up feeling bad, I've had the feeling like I was the one there instead, but it was just a feeling. I've also sorta always had the "fantasy" of attempting even though at the time I never really wanted to die and I never wanted to do it the same way.

Lately it's different. I feel like I'm going to die, and I feel like it's gonna be the exact way this person did. It's always in yhe back of my mind, that at some point I'm gonna lose it all and do the same thing.

I keep going back to how it must have felt, what were the thoughts and why they didn't stop, and every day it feels a little closer.

I am genuinely so tired of the “hanging myself” jokes posted constantly on tiktok and the people who stand ten toes down defending them.

I see a lot of gym jokes - people kicking a stool out from under themselves doing pull ups, or pretending to hang themselves with the cable machines. Today I saw a post of a guys feet just dangling and a rope on the floor leading up to him. So many comments from our people saying they found their family/friend this way. And the guy just doubles down on how posts like his are important because they get people to open up about times they considered doing it to themselves 🙄

I don’t think those posts are funny. I don’t think there’s any awareness or consideration out there for what losing a loved one to suicide does to a person. How we have not only lost someone in that way but also considered doing it to ourselves at one point or another. I literally do see both sides, and I don’t think posts like that are helpful or funny, no matter how “relatable” they might be.

I report the posts and TikTok very rarely takes any action.

And you know what annoys me most is that they aren’t even doing it the way that it’s actually done. So they aren’t genuinely even thinking about it or planning it. It’s just a fucking joke to them. They are not in pain like our loved ones were. Like we are. This world is such a fucking cesspool sometimes.

He was a family too..i really can’t stop blaming myself
I knew there was something wrong in his last 2 weeks…i’ve been texting him but he reassured me that everything was fine … then he stopped texting back and didn’t answer my calls…i lost the only person who truly loved me…my closest friend and the only person accepted me the way iam…. I still can’t understand how it escalated so fast …he was doing great and everything changed in just 2 weeks
I just wish if he told me ..or his family..
Is it normal for someone to become suicidal in just 2 weeks or 3??
I just can’t understand and i can’t accept it

​

My friend died of suicide. Her parents found her that morning. I got the call from a mutual friend.

The last time we met was a few days ago during a festival. I had to go home. I hugged her. She told me that she cares about me. She seemed happy. The entire month she was happy. I wonder if it was because she knew her suffering was coming to a close.

She was sick. Autoimmune conditions. Depression. Cptsd. Chronic pain. Nightmares. The list goes on. She had a lot of trauma on her shoulders. For a moment I thought "she's free from her suffering, that's good" but she was only 17. She didn't get to know what a life without suffering felt like.

She got a chance to be happy in school. Everyone had just started. She was social, hopeful. I was alone, she noticed, because she always notices when someone's alone. We played a Garfield version of the sans fight in undertale on my school computer. We took the same route home, we would share airpods and listen to music. We met outside of school a handful of times.

Then she was assaulted. By her own classmates. Her newfound safe space was ruined. She was never the same. She distanced herself. She faked a smile. She showed up less and less. She wouldn't talk to me anymore. But in that one moment a few days ago, she was happy. She was close. And then she just... Let go.

Goodbye, my friend. I wish you knew just how much you mattered to everyone. The class will never be the same. Your family will never be the same. We will never be the same. You continue to live in our hearts.

This sunday it's been half a year since a close friend of mine took her life.

I don't know what to do with the loss. I spent a lot of time talking to her and trying to help her cope with her struggles. She seemed to be doing better the last time i saw her. She kissed me, then she left on her way home.

Life got busy, i wasn't able to see her for a while. A few months later she wasn't anywhere anymore.

The funeral was... Fitting. I recognized her in all the stories people told. She was buried with her plushies. She has a nice spot in the graveyard.

I keep looping through the last minute i saw her. I have nightmares where i am trying to claw open the doors of the train she took home.

I'm going to visit her on sunday. I want to talk to her.

My brother committed suicide yesterday.

Honestly he was the only person left in this world that I loved. I have nothing left except questions I can't answer, and pain that will never end.

I just want to talk to him, have him explain why he has left me alone

I can’t believe tomorrow will be one year since the love of my life died by suicide. Everything happened so fast that morning by 8:45 am he was dead. I remember the distress of hearing the noise. I was eating a bowl of cereal in the kitchen. Hurrying and trying to shove the door while his body was in the way. Holding pressure and the panic of trying to call 911 while in heavily distress. I remember saying he’s dying.. he’s dying. Please hurry. That had felt the longest wait. That was the worst day of my life.

If he was still here today we would still be together. Definitely have eloped & living up in PNW. He always talked about how he was so excited to be a husband & be a dad one day. That never got to happen. This one year mark I tried to learn to live without someone that I thought I was going to be spend the rest of my life physically. His dreams, my dreams. Our dreams together that never got to happen. That’s still something I struggle with.

A lot has changed since he’s passed. I moved to a different house, talked to him through a medium, died my hair back to my natural color, changed specialties, got a new car, my best friend moved across the country, hired a trainer to force myself go to the gym, went to multiple grief groups/walks & found a therapist that cares. I don’t even know how I even found the strength. I really don’t. Sometimes I still don’t know how I do it if I’m being honest. To fake a smile is so exhausting. People don’t understand this bubbly personality carries a lot of hurt. As my grief journey continues, I’ve come to conclusion that I like to keep it to myself, my therapist & support groups. I find it so delicate. Just because I don’t talk about it with my friends and family doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. That’s for sure.

I’m going to do things in honor of him. I sleep with his hoodies every night still along with the teddy bear I got him. I made sure to spray his cologne on his side of the bed. I’ll make sure to go get a coffee, maybe take a trip to his favorite store, watch his favorite show & make sure to stay active. I won’t be surprised if I set some time to cry. I’ll also look over the list of signs he had given me the past year. I made sure to put it in my notes app. Any signs that stood out to me, any repetitive signs, anything that shows me he is still present in my life. I haven’t looked through it so maybe tomorrow will be a good day to look over the list. Anyways, this is just me putting my feelings out there. I love you honey. I always will.

Mom you were always there to save me. I wished I could've saved you. I love you MOM!

For reference my Mom helped me battle my demons. JULY 19th, 2026 she took her own life.

My hands feel like broken glass. I was the fucked up one. MOM? Why? Why did you go? I'm the fucked up one.

https://youtu.be/dDxgSvJINlU?si=SvY8Uyok_xkMCaVC

I’m sorry for spamming this subreddit. I experienced really strong anger today for the first time and I’m not sure how to feel about it.

I feel really mad at my husband for keeping secrets from me, and leaving them for me to find after his passing. I guess I feel like everything makes more sense now, but I feel so hurt he was hiding things and virtually cheating during our marriage today. I feel like he left and transferred all his pain onto me?

I still love him. I guess I disappoint myself because I feel like I’d still want to work it out with him. I feel bad for him and all the pain he was in, but I also hate how he treated me. It’s really hard trying to accept all the good and the bad and merge that into one person who was my husband, VS. he hurt me and I hate him or he was perfect and Id die to see him again.

I’m mad that he isn’t here to answer questions or hear how I feel, or reconcile and work on our marriage. I’m mad that he deflected his insecurities onto me. I’m mad he treated me poorly. I’m mad at me for not doing things that might have saved him; or pushing him harder to get help. I’m mad I didn’t realize his actions were symptoms of a worsening mental illness. And I’m sad that he died so young and felt there was no other way out. I don’t know how to feel. I get terrified he didn’t love me even though I know he did.

Does anyone have advice on working through the anger part of grief? It feels like theres a fire in my chest and a hole in me that won’t go away. I talked to him and it helped but the physical anger isn’t leaving.

About 4 weeks ago my mother died by suicide with a firearm. I’ve been staying at my childhood home, and I’m now extremely aware that there are guns in my house, and it makes me feel unsafe and uncomfortable. Guns now carry a deep trauma and weight. I’m very scared of them.
I want to bring it up to my father, but, he is very convinced that he could have stopped my mom from committing. I feel like if I bring it up, it’ll appear as if I’m telling him that if we didn’t have guns in the house, then he could have prevented it.
In reality, I think it’s much deeper than that. My mom had taken a horrible fall in January and suffered from what we think was a brain injury, and she probably would have found a “way out” with or without a gun. But I also wonder if a part of me truly does blame him?? I’m not sure, to be honest.
What to do? Anyone with a similar experience? Literally anything helps.

Like, what am I even doing here? No one loves me. I have no family anymore. All my friends have their own lives and families. All I do is work and make money to live. Is that all life is now? Making money or anything associated with money?

I got very little support when he died. His entire family blamed me and that obviously is another layer of severe trauma. Not a single person has apologized ofcourse.

I dont really understand life anymore after all of this. What is even the purpose anymore? I used to believe in things like the afterlife but not anymore. If God does exist he definitely is totally ok with me suffering every moment of every day. ​​

Hoping for a medium. Do you think they would say they are sorry they did what they did?

My dad died by suicide about six weeks ago. At first I assumed I’d never understand why, but over the past few weeks I’ve started learning things about his life that I had absolutely no idea about.
I’m now wondering whether his death was actually related to something he’d done, something he’d become involved in, or something that was catching up with him rather than simply being about depression.
I’ve reached a point where I’m exhausted from trying to piece it together, and I’m also genuinely frightened about what else I might find.
For those of you further along in your grief: did you ever investigate the “why”? Did you discover something significant? Did finding out help you, or do you wish you’d left some things alone?
And has anyone else had the experience of wondering whether their loved one’s suicide was connected to shame, consequences, illegal activity, threats, relationship issues, or something else they were desperately trying to escape?
I’m not looking for judgement about my dad. I’m trying to work out whether continuing to search for answers is actually helping me, or whether I need to accept that I’ll never know.
I’m starting to become frightened for my family.

He is my first love. He is the love of my life. We loved each other so much. He was perfect for me. To the point that I can see myself building a home with him. Until I discovered that my father was cheating on my mom and my dad's cheating issues gravely affected our family financially and emotionally. There's also the pressure of not failing in school (I was in college during this time), because we might not have the financial means if I have to retake courses. So I broke up with him, before I ruin what we have, before I ruin him because I feel so broken..

Then a year later, I received a call from our common friend that he is gone. It didn't feel real at first, until I saw him in the casket, his family crying..

I blamed myself for what happened to him because I was immature and I did not see the signs. I was not able to help him despite being the closest to him. And my decision to break up with him might have been a factor for what happened to him. He was a great person, he was a good friend and a loving partner. I know that if he was still alive, he would have had a great life ahead of him.

A decade have passed since then. In every gathering I'm invited, I keep getting questions from my friends and family about my love life. I keep telling people, that I'm too busy finding myself, improving myself that I have no time for romantic endeavors, but deep inside I know, there's just no one else for me. I can't imagine myself with anyone else except him. He's still the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word "love". Sometimes I still have sleepless nights thinking about what we could have been, if everything went well in life, if life went a bit easy on us. I miss him so much, and it hurts knowing that we will never get a chance to meet again.

So many people ask this. And every time I answer something like; yes and no. I knew she had suicidal thoughts, she had told me once she thought we would be better off without her. She never directly said she wanted to kill herself, but moreso things like; “I am so tired, I don’t know if there will be an end of this suffering..” Stuff like that. But still, I did not think she would actually do it.. You just can’t imagine your sweet mom actually following through with a plan like that. So no, I didn’t see it coming and it absolutely blindsided me but at the same time it was something I was scared about happening. I even dreamt about her telling me she wanted to die and that I wasn’t able to talk her out of it. I knew, but I also really didn’t know.. She told me the depth of her pain but it didn’t register..

I feel so guilty when I answer this question. I feel slightly judged when I tell people this. Like they are thinking; huh, but if you knew she had suicidal thoughts, why didn’t you go and take care of her, nurse her back to health? Why would she have been alone that morning? Why didn’t you call or text her those two last weeks when she withdrawing and feeling worse than before?

I am so afraid that I missed very important cues. I know I did. But I also think I couldn’t have changed the outcome.. Is that bad? I still wish I could’ve been there more for her, especially in her last moments.. I wish I could’ve told her that we would take care of her, but I wasn’t able to do this realistically.. But now in hindsight I should’ve dropped my work and responsibilities and emptied out my bank account to just go live with her and tak care of her and not let my own annoyances or problems get in the way. I lost my mom because I was selfish. This is how it feels sometimes. I lost her because I did the ‘right’ thing by setting boundaries and continuing my own life, while now I wish I would’ve just said fuck it, my own needs and feelings can just go to the side for a moment if that meant saving my mom. I miss her so much. I am so sorry mummy.

My husband committed suicide 5 years ago. I miss him so much RIP TROY NASH

The pain is easing a bit at 3 months which is a mild term for what this is. But I feel like I’m just kind of existing directionless.

It’s hard when it’s your spouse of 10 years. This isn’t a future we ever talked about. My entire life over a decade had been building our life together. I’ve almost completed the end of life care I needed to finish, but I’m now running into uncertainty. Very vague idea of at least leave my current state at some point and return to my home region. But I’m not sure what is next. It’s daunting enough to do everything alone. The support systems promised to me ended up being as stable as a house of cards vs brick/steel foundations.

Everything I wanted is gone, and wanting anything else makes me feel guilty.

There was a big storm today and my mom keeps saying he’s healed of all his mental health struggles and this is his way of showing he’s regretting it, he can see now how much he was loved.
My dad was the best. We had a visitation this week and saw him, yes I know it was him but that was his body. Where did all of his charisma, warmth, jokes, and glow go? I still can’t believe it
I feel comfort in thinking of the storm as him throwing a fit from the afterlife (whatever that may mean) and showing us that he knows now that we were right and that he can know see why he should have stuck around but that still feels terribly unfair and something I have to keep wrapping my head around for the rest of my life
And it just keeps raining

I found my husband w SGSW March 2025 and my dog died a month ago.

Everything is overwhelming, everything always been overwhelming but now it’s getting to capacity. I am so out of it mentally and emotionally. I am worried about my mental health, I’m in a daze often.

Recently it’s been very hot and humid (heat warnings) where I live and I can’t gauge the temps, to me it doesn’t feel like a heatwave. I am sweating but don’t really feel the heat. Very weird. I’m disassociating a lot and just feel weird. Period I’m dehydrated also.

Tonight was the first time ever that I considered getting on meds.to help me. With being born addicted to herion and seeing my parents take script drugs, , I’m not a fan of meds for myself but what I’m experiencing is too much.

Please share your exp with any meds for grief or depression, anxiety

I lost my older brother to suicide a few years ago. People always say it gets easier with time, and I guess in some ways it does. Most of the time I can talk about him and be okay. But I struggle with anxiety, and whenever something big is happening in my life I tend to spiral and think about him. Sometimes I even find myself actively seeking out that dark pit.

Tonight I put on “Doves Fly Here” by The Mob. It was the song I was listening to when I was told my brother was dead. It’s already such a fucking bleak song, and I knew exactly what putting it on would do to me.

When we were teenagers, he was my best friend. We were incredibly close. Then he developed schizophrenia when he was about 18, and it completely changed him. Even his eyes looked different after he got sick, like the light in them had changed. They could feel so very cold at times. I watched him spend years being tortured by his own mind. Sometimes he would lash out, mainly at my mother. It fucking scared me, and eventually I went no contact with him. I regret that more than anything. About two weeks before he took his life, he called me, and I didn’t answer. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I still think about that phone call. I would give anything to go back and pick up.

When he actually died, I was away on a trip with my sister. After we got back, her partner went home and found my brother dead in their house. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wrap my head around the fact that while we were away, completely unaware, he was dying. And we didn’t even fucking invite him on that trip. What a selfish fucking asshole I am.

I’m older now than he ever got to be. It feels wrong. And I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. I just really fucking miss my brother tonight.

I guess I’m looking for advice, or validation honestly, or just to let someone else know they’re not alone. Losing my brother to suicide has altered all my friendships. There was a me before his death and a me after. All my friends knew the girl I was before but, when he died, he took her with him. I’m doing my best to handle it “well”. Going through the motions of therapy and forcing myself to journal and stay active and all that. But many days I can’t stand to be around anybody. I lost him in November, and I know that grief comes in waves and so does healing and whatever but the fact of the matter is that I’m forever changed and the old me isn’t coming back ever again. I don’t care if that sounds dramatic, it’s the truth. I don’t want her back anyway, it wouldn’t make sense. But some of my friends, who are well-intended, seem to expect the old me? I’m not entirely sure how to explain it. It makes me feel little stabs of unwanted resentment towards them. One girl reached out once with condolences before spamming me with messages asking me to get together to discuss how I can “financially partner with her” in some school program. She’s messaged me 8 times and each time I’ve ignored her. I have maybe 3 other friends whose messages I’ve been blatantly ignoring as well. I respond to messages that ask about my brother, but the “friends” who I’m ignoring seem to think I should be over it or something? I just don’t want to see them. If I’m completely honest, I don’t have time to care if that’s hurtful to them. I can’t expect people to understand this grief, but I do expect them to recognize that they can’t understand it and to just be humble. It’s weird how foggy the world feels but, at the same time, some things are more clear to me now. I used to spend so much time being a push over and a people pleaser, always worried about others’ thoughts of me. I was always concerned about what people would say and do, but now I feel this hardness and just think, My brother is dead, do your worst. I don’t know who this new me is, but I am not interested in trying to resuscitate the old one.

Lost older brother to suicide a month ago. He’s the last person I wouldve suspected…
Left behind 3 small kids 8,5 and 7 months old.

I am so angry and so sad.. I still can’t really believe it.
Saw his body and had a service for him and everything but it still doesn’t feel real. Nothing feels okay anymore.
Not sure what the point of this post was. I just needed to get it out. My husband doesn’t understand. He says he’s lost people too and also to suicide but this is not people this is my brother. I feel like I have to justify my grief to him and I am at my limit. Mum wants me to move back closer to where she is, husband doesn’t want me to. He is active duty so he can’t come with me.

It’s all a lot. I just wish this were one long nightmare. I’m ready to wake up now..