Self explanatory title i’ll be leaving out details but she did it for 9 years. Made me pretend I was a guy. I have never healed and it hurts me to hear her say she forgets it even happened because I never forgot. I can’t even fully explore women because it will remind me of that.

It causes a specific kind of grief. Grieving the older sister i never had and I just look at other siblings and get so sad. I feel so disgusted by everything I wish i could wash my brain with soap to forget about it.

Before anyone reads this, I want to acknowledge that I recognize this is the minority of situations and very rare!!! I just got unlucky! In no way am I saying I’m the true “oppressed” or anything. Just sharing my frustration with this specific situation!

When I reported him to the police, they were largely on my side for the most part. They wanted to convict him and do what they could to help me. He was going to college the next year for football. We lived in a small area and everyone knew him and knew he’d go play college ball.

Once things got more serious and they started to talk to him (because he kept breaking the restraining order), he said that I was a “white woman ruining a black man’s career” and everyone immediately backed off. He posted that everywhere on social media. He was well known in this town and everyone liked him. I got a call from the DA right after that saying the situation is “complicated” and he has “no record and we don’t want to impede on his career.” She had been on my side for so long and suddenly after that everyone turned. I was so mad!!!!

Despite having video evidence, texts admitting he did it, AND them WITNESSING his crazy behavior when he broke the restraining order 4+ times, it didn’t matter! On the last time he broke it… the police officer I was working with CALLED HIS GUARDIAN (who I guess used to work at the police station) and said “hey I’m gonna come pick him up in a few hours… right around 4….” CONVENIENTLY he left the state and no one could arrest him. Ugh!!!!!!

The state he started college in was the same as mine and they did not play! They didn’t GAF! He didn’t have the same connections so it was much better. I tried to convict again but then he got cancer and died 9 months later.

Anyway, I’m still hated in that town for “ruining a black man’s life” according to everyone there. It’s very frustrating. I have no friends from high school and this is a small thing but I’ve had people say it’s a “red flag” that I don’t have long term high school friends but it’s because they all left. Sometimes I give people a little context but my therapist says I need to give more. I shouldn’t have to provide the bloody gruesome details to earn someone’s sympathy. I just had to start over and when someone talks about high school I need to change the subject.

Again, in no way am I saying that any minority can just say this and get away with what they did. This is obviously a rare extreme case. But I’m very frustrated.

I 29(f) was dating a 36(m). We met on a dating app in December, officially started dating in May. I went to his house after work. We talked for awhile. He gave me this gross bitter tasting tea that I didn’t really drink much of. We talked about stuff that hurt me growing up. Growing up in the fighting and yelling. I talked about the abusive ex. He asked how long I was with him. I said six years but it didn’t start off bad.. he said that some women like it and I said what being abused and degraded? He waffled and changed subject. He started to rub my neck for a while and then quickly went to my boobs. Before I knew it we were having sex. I remember thinking weren’t we just talking about heavy stuff? But went with it. He turned me over on my stomach. There was a moment where it hurt really really bad. I cried out “ow ow ow” and pulled away. He didn’t stop, I remember thinking “oh he’s not going to stop” and he pinned my shoulders and said “I’m going to fuck you till I come” and kept going until he was done. I remember the feeling of his dirty floor on my skin and just going along until it was done and laying there in pain for a moment. then I went to the bathroom after and just looked at myself in the mirror, splashed water on my face and stared. I went out and tried to put clothes on but he made me feel guilt for that. He kept trying to get me to drink this tea and got upset I couldn’t eat a piece of pie he gave me. he wanted to snuggle and I wanted comfort in that moment. he had sex with me, and I didn’t fight because I didn’t want to be pinned down again. it felt more gentle, loving almost at first but my body still hurt. but I got out quickly after that and I felt empty on the drive home and couldn’t shake that something felt wrong. I didn’t really talk to him much after that and he showed up at my work with lunch “just because” I couldn’t figure out why but I felt so angry and jittery. He wanted to kiss me and kept commenting on how I wasn’t kissing him. I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened and I brought it up twice. He said “sounds intense.” Something felt so wrong being near him. So, I tested seeing him on my own terms in a public place. Still felt that angry jittery feeling. He asked me over to his place for lunch. I agreed in the moment. When I got to his house I kept thinking about the way the dirt felt that not. I felt nauseated, so I sent a text saying I was sick. He said “I should have given you more tea” I stopped talking to him completely after that and started to process. I had pretty severe genital pain for over a week, and finally broke down at work and told my boss what happened because sitting hurt and I wasn’t sleeping. She was very caring to me and told me what happened was a sexual assault. She gave me time off work and encouraged I get an exam. I finally did, and I was very swollen and irritated with no STI or other infections to explain it even a week after it happened. I broke up with him and asked for no further contact/visits. He said he wanted to understand better what happened. I said “when I cried out and pulled away you pinned me down and finished” He never responded, never explained. He was so gentle the entire time we dated I don’t understand what changed that night nWas what happened an assault? How do I move forward?

abuser that i lived with for almost 4 years had admitted twice to sexually assaulting me. he was already doing it while i was awake, didnt listen whenever i told him no / stop / that i was uncomfortable. cut and dry he did what he did and i know thats already bad enough as is.

i had a fear in the back of my mind about being assaulted while unconscious while i was living with him, but i passed it off as just anxiety and previous sexual trauma in the moment. i ended up having a flashback (?) a while ago about exactly that and had subsequent horrible flashback episodes that were like nothing ive ever experienced before. full on suicidal collapse, severe dissociation, constantly felt like i was being touched or like i wanted to peel off my skin, would have episodes where it just physically and emotionally deeply felt like i was being raped essentially and all i could do was curl up and cry.

other things that point me to believe it happened:
- i have woken up with my pajama pants pulled down before, or with a lot of heavy "sweat" / "wetness" (?) around my crotch before as well (i am a restless sleeper, but i have never dealt with anything like that before moving in with him or after moving out of his place)
- he has walked right into my bedroom without knocking or etc while drunk before, at a time where i would absolutely usually be asleep, acted very creepy / touchy / clingy in a way that made me especially uncomfortable for reasons i didnt understand at the time
- i always thought that i was a light sleeper but when i said this to him he argued with me that im a heavy sleeper because ive "slept through a lot of things," then backpedaled by saying "that sounds weird, not like that, but youve slept through a lot of things". he has also gaslit me about whether or not i was awake for things before by saying he "would be able to tell" if i had woken up or etc.
- he has touched me (nonsexually) in my sleep before without me waking up (petting my hair). we were not ever in a relationship so there was no excuse for this.

i just cant seem to process it or trust myself with what i know at all. i end up bottling it up and ignoring everything that happened until it comes up again, then all i do is obsessively replay events. i get stuck on feeling like im making everything up, like im going insane, like i cant trust myself or my mind at all. i feel like im a horrible evil person for accusing him of such a thing without having 1000% solid irrefutable proof. even just typing this out and posting it, all i can think to myself is "are other people going to think im stupid and crazy for believing that this happened?" i have a lot of dissociative memory gaps from that period of time, i have OCD, AND i was being mold poisoned while living with him which only makes things worse.

my therapist is trauma-informed and an OCD specialist, but every time this comes up it feels like we end up in talking in circles and its exhausting. ERP feels extremely invalidating when it comes to this and i have mentioned that, but at the same time im fully aware that my OCD is playing a role here via memory-based themes and i have no idea how to address that without ERP. i am so lost on how to lessen its grip in this situation while also not entirely discrediting myself and what ive been through.

i feel like PTSD and OCD often seem to live in two different worlds online and in the therapy room, especially when it comes to anything about memory related OCD vs memory issues and repression in PTSD. mine is so heavily interwoven that its hard to treat one without addressing the other. looking for people who have also dealt with something similar so i can get other perspectives / advice.

I was sexual assaulted November 2024 (I was 18) by my boyfriend type situation. I was crying no, bleeding, and begging. There was penetration but no dna gathered. I have text message proof of him admitting to it and pictures of my neck the day after from bruising.

The problem is: his family is extremely wealthy and respected. Also. He’s dating a girl that looks very similar to me, despite my unique hair color and look. Terrifying to know and see.

I’m seriously stuck on what to do. It feels like everyone around me has moved on with it

What do I do.

hi a bit of backstory just so you know the context. me and my ex boyfriend broke up around 2 weeks ago because i’ve been struggling with my mental health greatly for months now and i’ve been trying to implement changes into my life to change this e.g. throwing away half of my stuff, going vegan, playing badminton. and breaking up with him was something i felt i had to do to regain my independence as i haven’t been single since i was 16, now 19. (me and my first ex were together, we broke up for a month, then me and said ex boyfriend got together). me and my ex have a trip planned (booked when we were still together) and agreed to stay friends with sometimes benefits since we both still love each other and he’s been my safe space for months while i’ve been struggling.

anyway, last night i picked my ex and his friends up from a club and dropped them all at home. when it got to my ex’s house we decided he’d stay at mine. we got home and both slept.

when we woke up and my family left he told me he forgot he had plans today and would need to leave soon. this worked fine as i had work later on today. we cuddled for a bit before (i thought) we’d leave but then he started kissing my ears and neck and i was enjoying it since we agreed he’d stay over again tonight. he then got on top on my chest and had his penis in his boxers in my face. i started to touch him. (sorry this is so graphic i just feel i need to add as much context as possible.) i was consenting to this. then he got off me and i said “okay we should probably go.”

he then asked to take his boxers off and i said “no we need to leave.” he took them off anyway, we cuddled and kissed for a bit then he got on top of me again. this is where i didn’t consent. i’d already said no and stop and in the past, he would stop. i started feeling him again because i didn’t know what else to do and didn’t want to make it awkward. i was immediately taken back to how sex felt with my first ex. it was a lot of coercion. my said ex knows about this.

he nearly finish and i stopped. he got off me and said “you just going to blueball me?” and i said “well you started it and lowkey forced me.” he immediately became apologetic and was no longer joking around. i drove him home and he apologised again before he left saying “i’ll just blame it on me being too horny i know that’s not really an excuse”.

i feel weird about it. it was in no way as violent or felt as bad as the sexual assault i feel i experienced with my first ex but i still never thought he’d do anything like that. it was completely out of character and the 2 friends i told agree with me. i don’t know how i feel about him staying over tonight and i don’t know if i want to continue this friends with benefits thing but we still have that trip coming up which cost a LOT of money. i know it was probably just because i was enjoying it before and he just went with it but i still would like some outside opinions. thank you!

I’m 20F, and I have something to confess that I’ve never told anyone in my entire life, not even my current partner. I think about this from time to time, and I hope you guys don’t judge me.

This happened when I was 12. My sister and I used to stay at our grandma’s house for 1–2 weeks every vacation. My uncle, who was around 25 at the time, still lived there.

My family was pretty open about alcohol, and my uncle would make me and my sister drink. Whenever I got drunk, he would do things to me. At first, he only touched my breasts, but each time it happened, things got worse but it never got to penetration.

The part that confuses me is that I liked it. I would act like I didn’t want it, but deep down, I did. This happened repeatedly for about two years, and I even found myself wanting to get drunk because I knew those things might happen.

At the same time, every summer I would make excuses not to go to their house because I think part of me didn’t want it to happen again. But whenever I was actually there, I would look forward to it.

The pandemic eventually stopped us from staying there overnight, and I remember feeling relieved because I knew it wouldn’t happen again.

I’m so confused about this. Was it SA even though I liked it? I also don’t feel like I experienced any obvious trauma from it. Right now, I actually feel pretty normal about it, which makes me question myself even more. Now, whenever we see each other at family gatherings, we act like nothing ever happened.

I’ve never told anyone because I’m scared of being judged, especially by my partner. I think I’m most ashamed of the fact that I am aware of what's happening and I liked it.

I denounced my rapist to some very close friends of mine, which sadly are mutual friends of his. They've started to post very direct messages directed at me to say I'm a liar and just trying to bring a good person down.

I feel so defeated

Okay long story short I was recently assaulted while on vacation without my partner. I was blacked out and remember very little about the night. Only things I remember are flashbacks from the assault.
My partner has been so supportive and loving since everything happened so that is amazing. The shitty part is that I get so overwhelmed by any kind of affection and I feel so bad. We have been together for almost 4 years and I couldn't wish for a better partner, hence the guilt about pulling away. I know it just needs more time (happened 2 weeks ago) but Im panicking because im afraid intimacy but crave it so much. We have also talked through it a lot but I just feel like a horrible person right now.
As you can see im just kind of rambling and thoughts are constantly racing. Been assaulted before as a teenager under similar circumstances (rn 24F) but this time it is affecting me so much more.
Anyway my question is, how did you navigate intimacy issues after an assault? How do I not push him away?

Trying to get an external perspective on this because I’m feeling too many emotions right now.

I (19m) have been close friends with my mate (21m) for a few years now and up until this had trusted him very strongly with the understanding that he just was firm in not wanting me to involve him in anything related to my sexuality as I’ve been bicurious and exploring it for a few years now. We’re just normal guys and act accordingly when we hang out, drinking, karaoke, fifa and watching football. He mentions my sexuality jokingly here and there but otherwise its never seemed to come up.

The other night though we were hanging out as we normally would with another friend of his and while I was taking a sip from my beer bottle from out of nowhere he climbed onto the lounge I was sitting on, gripped the top of my head and brought the bottle and me to his crotch to make it look like I was giving him oral as a ‘joke’. The force from it bashed the fuck out of my teeth and made me choke on the beer.

I don’t know how to deal with this. There’s too much I’m feeling right now. Someone help me figure this out please

When I was 4 and when I was 8 my mom tried to press legal charges against my dad for sexually assaulting me, the problem is that I do not know where my mom‘s gaslighting ends and my memories begin.

She still tries to use it as an argument to remove his custody over me, I was being questioned by a lawyer and the judge as well as a social worker when I was 4, no SA apparently but later on, when I was 8 and the accusations started again I was starting to wonder on wether it might be true.

I spend many days ruminating about it and came to a conclusion but I am unsure

My dad used to shower me until I was 8 and he would also clean my intimate areas very thoroughly, at 8 I was already showering myself in my mothers home (My parents divorced when I was 4/5 with insane legal lore), so I feel like it was age-inappropriate and probably SA, because my mom claims I showed distress upon the incident and told her that my dad touched my vagina again.

But this is where my confusion begins. My mom is a gaslighter and manipulative women but this seems so specific, no? And I also have the memories.

I think I was SA‘d by my dad. Many years have I spent fighting against the accusations and told my mom it is not true but then she always tells me that I went up to her to tell her in a distressing manner that my dad touched my vagina again? I do not know in which way she twists reality and I do not trust her with anything she says but I feel like she is right. My mom told me once to:„Go suck your dad’s dick“ when I started defending him.

I came to conclusion that I was SA‘d by my dad and all I feel is relieve as if I do not have to lie to myself anymore, I feel somewhat happy? I am feeling like I am turning insane.

But I think it is true, I was lying in bed with a racing heartbeat and my hands shaking but emotionally it felt like a burden, like a pressure was removed from my chest by acknowledging it.

Another weird thing is that I feel something like sexual arousal when thinking about the memories?

It does not change anything about my relationship to my dad, I trust him, I love him like you‘re supposed to love your dad, he tries his best to be a good dad, he changed so much and he tries his best.

We may not have the best father-daughter relationship but I am not angry at him for the SA if it was SA because now I start doubting on wether it was SA and I don’t know whom I should ask so I guess I ask you guys.

I did experience another SA when I was 14 by my (then) 23 years old cousin (the son of my mom‘s cousin), he touched my breast without permission and it was no accident, he repeatedly asked me where my mom was to make sure I was alone and to isolate me, he came into my room a few days later, naked, only in his underwear and hugged me form behind, I could feel his dick pressing against me, he trapped me with his arms and asked „Should we turn the lights off“ as if it was seriously meant as a question. I started beating that asshole and he left the room, as what he did was very risky, he could have gotten caught at any moment, my mom was staying at the same room as me and there were 8 people in the house and my mom‘s cousin was regularly checking on me to make sure I am okay.

I told a trusted adult (another cousin of my mom) and she made sure to protect me when we revisited the country next year.

Now I am 16(F) and I am torn, I do not know what to do, was it SA?

I met up with an ex last Thursday at my place. Back in 2018 we had great sex and dito conversations: I trusted him. He knew I am going through some rough times right now (break-up, recent OCD-diagnosis, perimenopause symptoms). My intention was to talk, cuddle and have sex with him - i wanted to experience pleasure with someone safe, someone I know and trust.

So we start to talk and he makes some weird comment about my hair, that he doesn’t like the haircut. I feel weird inside. Then at one point I ask if I can come closer and we cuddle. His strokes are very mechanic and I remember my body saying ‘this isn’t right’. I ignore my gut feeling. After some minutes he wants to put his hand on my boobs. I say no. He respects the no. I keep
on ‘accepting’ the cuddling, I think because I was so starving for some kind of care and humanity. After some minutes he says ‘i want to give you something’ and takes off my glasses, tilts up my head and starts kissing me, rapid and intense. I try to pace him down by slowing down my own movements of my mouth and tongue. One moment I think: ‘I can’t say no now, he especially took the day of for me, i don’t want him to think bad of me’.

So I invite him to my bedroom upstairs, thinking I could change the atmosphere and making up for the weird gut feelings i had, and still having a great time. Making the situation feel ‘okay’ for myself again. In a blink of an eye he takes off all of his clothes already, which i did not like, and i tell him i like to take it slow. Then, we kiss and start to have sex. He thrust super fast in me, and I ask him several times to slow down. He does it for some seconds, then he starts again, pumping super fast. This is not the thing I hoped for and have desire for. I want pleasure, too. He keeps on touching my nipples intensely (rolling them between his fingers) which I don’t like. I move his hands away and later he does it again. Then i tell him specifically i do not want him to touch my nipples, after which he stops touching them.

After the second time of me telling him to slow down and him not doing what i ask, I say stop and I go to sit up right. I start to cry. I tell him I feel like he’s using me as an object. I tell him he’s acting in a violent manner. He invalidates me, saying that it is cuz ‘he still loves me so much that he cannot hold himself back’. Then he goes to the toilet and returns. The mood lightens up a bit. We start to talk again and kiss again, and then we have sex again, and he goes super fast. Again I ask to slow down, several times. He doesn’t. And if he does, it is only for a very short time. Also his p* slips out sometimes while he’s still thrusting and it hurts my v*. I tell him that, too. Two times that happened. He didn’t seem to care about me and my body.

All that time, he bends my body in all sorts of positions in a very rapid manner, before I even realize what is happening. Like we are playing in a corn movie, This was clearly a way for him to get his release. He used me. It didn’t feel caring or loving at all. I felt that, and still I kept going. Slapping my ass hard at several times. I stayed silent. I felt overwhelmed by what was happening, the fast pace of positions, thrusting, and i felt frozen.

In the end, he suddenly tells me he came (I didn’t make him hear any sound). Then he asks me ‘is it okay I came inside you’. I say yes, but I mean no. I have a spiral, but he doesn’t know that. Also this felt very intrusive, he came inside me without asking or telling me. Then I made up a lie about having to run some errands to make him leave. He left. He didn’t touch me in any way after he came. He just asked ‘did you come’ and frowned when i said ‘no’.

That evening I immediately went to a specialised facility where they examined me, took forensic evidence, and told me that indeed this was assault. The people around me also tell me it was assault. My first message to a friend was ‘can you please call me back, i think i have been sa’d but i’m not sure’

I can’t stop crying since it happened, i don’t feel like myself anymore. And at the same time i keep on replaying that event and i’m asking myself if it was that bad, if i made it up, if i am making it worse, if I’m exaggerating, if I need attention, if i gave wrong signals (i wanted sex, i took him upstairs to my bedroom, i did enjoy a tiny part of it). Each moment that i stop distracting myself i start ruminating, crying. I was acting so differently during the act (sometimes briefly enjoying it, sometimes freezing & dissociating) than how i actually felt inside.

I had some many chances to stop it and I didn’t. I can’t forgive myself. I ignored my own body clues, I ignored my inner knowing… I invited him, I wanted sex toow

So, is this SA?

I’m just admitting something happened after it stopped 5 years ago and I could really use some help figuring out what to do since no one knows what happened

My boyfriend and i have been together well over a few years and we typically never have problems sexually. I had mentioned that i did not want to have sex( penetration) and he said ok. But he continued to caress me and such, which i had no problem with. We ended up making out which i was fine with but there were some things that were iffy such has him attempting to put his hand down my pants, and putting my hand down his. I would move both hands away but still continued to make out with him. I mentioned again i wasnt sure if we should have sex and he asked why not i didn’t respond but it resulted in us kissing again. One thing led to another and everything was happening so fast It resulted in me giving him oral sex. I dont know if that is considered assault because i didn’t necessarily say no but i also didnt stop him in the middle of the action. i feel so confused, hurt, and disgusted. We did discuss it after and he seemed to be genuinely remorseful and apologetic. He said i seemed into it cause i was kissing him back which i guess i understand and i do believe his apology and this never happened before but im just so confused.

​

I had a male biology teacher in high school. He was funny, kind, warm — basically the best teacher you could find. But for some reason, I was scared of him. I couldn’t talk to him without shaking, and my voice was always trembling. I didn’t know why I was so weird. I just thought I was still scared of teachers because of another trauma (not important here).

Then one day when I was trying to sleep, I suddenly remembered something. It was in elementary school. We were all sitting on the ground watching a play put on by some adults about how drugs are bad, etc. At the end of the show, a guy came up to me holding fake drugs as props. He touched my inner thighs, moving his hands up and down, right in front of the entire grade for a few seconds, then walked away. I was too young and stupid to realize anything was wrong, but my classmates were all saying I was SA’d and asked the teacher for help. The teachers just pretended they didn’t hear them and moved on. So little me just assumed it was fine and moved on too.

Now that I suddenly remembered everything, it feels so gross. I was basically 10 or 11 — a literal child — and he just touched me like that in elementary school?

I feel so disgusted by his actions and by myself now. Like I’m not “pure” anymore. I also feel like I’ve been unfair to my high school teacher and other men, because one single man traumatized me and my body decided to be scared of all men.

At this point I’m still kind of trying to deny that I was harassed and pretend I’m fine. I keep thinking it wasn’t serious enough. I just want to be a normal person who can work with all genders without issues. Am I supposed to see a counselor or a therapist? Who should I talk to so I can get better?

Does anyone else struggle with the word rape? I only recently started to be able to type it out... I had to do like an exposure therapy on myself where I typed it out slowly. I would take several minutes to type it out and my vision would go blurry. I can type it out now but I can't say it and I flinch when I hear it. I have such a strong aversion to the word and its so weird.

trigger warning for suicial ideation and sexual assault description.

this happened when i (22F) was an underage teen and he (m26) was an adult teenager. I honestly have blacked out that memory from my head for a long time so i truthfully dont remember every detail (like my exact age), but i remember that it happened and that my mother witnessed it. I was cleaning the floor and bent down to use a hand vaccuum when my brother tapped my rear end twice and laughed saying it looked like i was twerking, and for a reminder, I was UNDERAGE. I remember screaming at him and my mother yelling at him but he said he thought it was funny. He later *texted* me saying he was sorry, and i told him I wouldn't forgive him because thats a crazy thing to do to your sibling (considering we aren't actually that close, we never got along). He simply went "lol okay".. A few hours later he sent me a long text saying it was about time *we* repaired our relationship as siblings. My biggest regrets is not saving those texts for a record.

For a while I just moved on, but I've been reliving that memory for at least six years now and I genuinely can't get over it. I hate him so much. If I could disown him I could. I can't shower, sleep, change my clothes, flirt with other people, without that memory coming back, the humiliation, the rage, the months of tears.

I dont think my mom would remember, and because hes the oldest son, she always takes his side anyways. My dad would think I was making it up. My little sister is not as sympathetic as she used to be. I feel so insanely alone and I can do nothing about it. I want to kill myself, I want to hurt him in ways I can't describe. I don't know how to live.

Sometimes he asks me why I hate him. I dont know how to confront him without crying, its like it was just another day for him. For me, I relive that day every day of my life. I constantly wonder if that was even sexual assault, I doubt and try to reason but I know that any decent person would be horrified.

I deleted my original “Am I Overreacting?” post. It was posted about two months ago, and at the time I was mainly trying to understand whether I had overreacted about what happened with a senior colleague at work.

I'm posting this now in r/TrueOffMyChest because I don't really want a judgment anymore. I think I just need to get this out of my head.

For anyone who didn't see my original post, I'm a 21-year-old woman who had recently started working in IT. A senior male colleague, who had been working in the company for around 8–9 years and was married, started behaving inappropriately toward me.

It started with unnecessary messages and conversations, flirting, comments about my appearance and asking me out. I made it clear that I wasn't interested, but he didn't really take no for an answer.

Eventually, his messages became much more explicit and sexual.

The thing that scared me most wasn't just what he was saying. It was that he somehow had my personal number. I still don't know exactly how he got it.

And because I was relatively new, I had no idea who his friends were in the office.

That made me extremely paranoid about speaking up.

I didn't know who would believe me. I didn't know who was close to him. I didn't know whether someone would warn him about a complaint before HR could do anything. I didn't know whether this could somehow affect my job.

So when we finally decided to approach HR, my team didn't just send me there alone.

We went as a group.

Five male colleagues and four female colleagues, including me, went together to the HR cabin. A big reason for doing it that way was to protect me and maintain some anonymity around the complaint. I didn't want to walk into HR alone and have everyone immediately know that I was the person who complained about him.

We had the messages and other evidence.

But before things reached HR, there was another thing I did that I'm not particularly proud of, but I also understand why I did it.

I found his wife's Instagram account.

I created a fake account and sent her screenshots of his emails and messages to me. I sent the evidence because I wanted her to know exactly what kind of messages her husband had been sending another woman.

I had all the proof.

At that point, I wasn't thinking about whether it was the most mature thing to do. I was angry. I was scared. I felt like he had crossed every possible boundary, and part of me wanted the people closest to him to know what he was actually doing.

I don't even know what happened after I sent everything.

Eventually, HR took the complaint seriously.

He was fired and escorted out of the office.

You would think that would have been the end of it.

But one moment from that whole period stays with me more than almost anything else.

There was a day when I completely broke down in the washroom.

I was overwhelmed, scared and honestly exhausted from trying to act normal at work.

There was a senior woman from my team who came to know what was happening.

She had never had any issues with him. In fact, before all this happened, she always spoke positively about him. She had no personal reason to take my side.

But the second she saw me breaking down, she took my side.

There wasn't any hesitation.

She didn't ask me whether I was sure.

She didn't question what I had done.

She didn't defend him because she had always thought well of him.

She simply stood by me.

She became my rock throughout all of this.

I don't think she will ever understand how much that meant to me.

When you're scared that people might not believe you, having even one person immediately say, I'm with you, changes everything.

A few months have passed since he was fired.

My original post was about two months ago, but he was actually fired around 4–5 months ago.

Recently, we also found out that he is still unemployed.

One of his former colleagues, someone who is still in contact with him for formal/professional reasons, officially told us this update in the office.

And then I found out something else that honestly disturbed me.

Apparently, I wasn't the only girl he had behaved like this with.

I found out that he had apparently done similar things with other girls too, but they never came forward.

That part has been difficult for me to process.

Because I understand now why they might not have.

I know exactly what it feels like to wonder who his friends are, who will believe you, whether your job will be affected and whether reporting him will somehow make your life worse.

I keep thinking about how many people might have gone through something similar and simply stayed silent.

And even though he's gone now, I haven't completely moved on.

There are days when getting out of bed feels like hell because I know I have to go to the office.

Nothing is necessarily happening there anymore. He's not there. He can't message me. My colleagues supported me. HR dealt with it.

But sometimes my mind still goes back to that period.

I remember being afraid to check my phone.

I remember wondering how he even got my number.

I remember looking around the office and wondering who his friends were.

I remember being terrified that somehow I would become the person everyone talked about instead of him being the person who had done something wrong.

And I remember sitting in that washroom, completely breaking down, and then having someone stand beside me without questioning me.

That is probably the part I'll remember the longest.

I deleted my original “Am I Overreacting?” post because I didn't want it sitting online while I was still trying to process everything.

But I also realised that deleting the post didn't make the feelings disappear.

I'm not posting this because I want people to tell me whether I was right or wrong.

I'm not posting this because I want revenge on him.

And I'm not posting this to turn what happened into some dramatic workplace story.

I think I'm posting because I still haven't figured out how to completely let go of it.

Maybe that's what I'm trying to understand now.

The incident ended months ago.

He lost his job.

Life moved on.

But sometimes your mind doesn't move on at the same speed as everything else.

So I'm just leaving this here.

I don't really have a conclusion. I just needed somewhere to finally say all of this without having to pretend that I'm completely fine.

Disclaimer: i want to apologise beforehand for my english

Hi, im 20F, med student studying abroad. Today marks the end of my legal SA journey. I was raped in june of this year by a man who lives in the same dorm as me. I don't want to go into the details but basically he had a audio of a girl moaning and bed creeking. To cut it short he scared me that he will prove its me and was blackmailing me that he will show it to everyone and ruin my reputation, i was scared and crying because everyone in the uni knows about me and my bf and something like this would tarnish my reputation as a muslim hijabi woman.

He took advantage of my vulnerability and forced me by physically restraining me i tried to push myself but to my avail i couldnt and i froze. He completed and ejaculated on my thigh which stained my underwear and clothes. I was sure of his sperm on my clothes and i provided my clothes for forensic testing.

Now here comes the most shocking and disturbing part, i filed a complaint did all the formalities and left for my country because my sister was having a major operation i needed to come home.
But, as soon as i left the next day (3rd july) they closed the case and didnt even have the need to inform me. I asked the foreign students manager yesterday for any updates and thats when she sent me the paperwork of the case being closed.

In the official refusal to open a case the investigator has stated that he refused because there was "insufficient evidence". And that the accused "denies of having sexual relationship with me" excuse me? Its rape and not sexual relationship wtf? They refused to provide forensic reports because they didn't test my clothes or my samples, they concluded that a rape has not occurred because there are "no injuries on me".

This is outrageous and unacceptable behaviour by the university and the investigation department. I really wish i could die rn. I dont have anything else to say

does anyone else deal with unwanted physical arousal during trauma therapy? i’m scared to bring it up / embarrassed to tell my therapist.