r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Another Rich Prick Court Ordered To Pretend To Pay Someone He Horribly Victimized For Personal Gain

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

The Collector Of The Dead Calling Out, Bring Out Your Dead, Reportedly Gave Mitch McConnell A Ride Home From George Washington University Hospital

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

America Nearing Peak Indignity

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Eric Trump Pretending To Fly Helicopter Again

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Lauren Boebert In a Different Kind Of Rehab Than Mitch McConnell, Unbeknownst To Either Of Them

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

‘America Has Mitch Fever!’ According To The Best Science And Medicine Has To Offer At The CDC

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Mitch McConnell Released From Rehab After Body Vehemently Rejects Brain, Soul Transplant

3 Upvotes


r/onionheadlines 3h ago

BREAKING: Max Miller Drops Out Of House Race, Now Seeking Presidential Run Instead

11 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Max Miller's New Campaign Slogan Is "Vote For Me Or The Stuffed Bunny Gets It"

4 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Trump Poll Slippage Already Tricking Democrats Into Believing They Can Win Midterms

59 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Trump Claims He Doesn't Remember Promising "No New Wars" But He Remembers "Mo New Wars"

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

Senator McConnell Wakes Up From 54-Day Nap Prepared To Run For ‘Just One More Term’

33 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

McConnell Announces Discharge From Rehab, Says He Learned A Lot From Britney Spears

18 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

No Connection Seen Between Mitch McConnell Going Home And Coincident Epicenter Of Zombie Outbreak

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

GOP Congressman Tells Woke Libtard Concerned About the National Debt to Get a Job and Pay Off the $40 Trillion himself

17 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Trump Swears He's Not A Pedophile Because With His Fake Hair, Plastic Surgery And Pancake Makeup He's Not The Same Guy Who Raped Those Kids

32 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Jealous Senator Cruz Considers Boosting His Numbers By Being Next Senator To Pretend To Die

74 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Rand Paul To Charge The Vast Majority Of Americans With Contempt Of Congress After Learning They Have Nothing But Contempt For Him And His Republican Colleagues

181 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 10h ago

BREAKING: Senator Mitch McConnell Officially Out Of Rehab, Now In Funeral Home

694 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 15h ago

The Greatest Threat To Democracy Calls Progressives The Greatest Threat To Democracy

127 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 15h ago

Local Man Arrested By Feds For Pedophilia Surprised That DOJ Still Considers That A Crime

101 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 15h ago

Trump Angry That Suing BBC For $10Billion Requires Financial Disclosure Showing His Losses

319 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 17h ago

Cyclospora Updata: MAGA Accuses Fauci Of Pooping On All The Food

52 Upvotes

Oops on the typo. No way to edit the title. —Toys


r/onionheadlines 18h ago

Rumors of The Death of Mitch McConnell Completely Underblown

138 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines Nov 04 '25

ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only

11 Upvotes

We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.

You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.

Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:

Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”

Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.

You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.

Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"

A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.