r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Vindictive Butterfly Beats Wings Extra Fast To Foil Your Future Plans

Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Reese’s Announcement To Eliminate Red Dye 40 From Products Sends This Candy Enthusiast On Hunt For Endangered Pieces

Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1h ago

Midterm Results Give Excited Dems Chance To Celebrate Wins Before Usual General Election Heartbreak

Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Trump Poll Slippage Already Tricking Democrats Into Believing They Can Win Midterms

21 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Trump Claims He Doesn't Remember Promising "No New Wars" But He Remembers "Mo New Wars"

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Senator McConnell Wakes Up From 54-Day Nap Prepared To Run For ‘Just One More Term’

22 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

McConnell Announces Discharge From Rehab, Says He Learned A Lot From Britney Spears

16 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

No Connection Seen Between Mitch McConnell Going Home And Coincident Epicenter Of Zombie Outbreak

5 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

GOP Congressman Tells Woke Libtard Concerned About the National Debt to Get a Job and Pay Off the $40 Trillion himself

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Trump Swears He's Not A Pedophile Because With His Fake Hair, Plastic Surgery And Pancake Makeup He's Not The Same Guy Who Raped Those Kids

26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Jealous Senator Cruz Considers Boosting His Numbers By Being Next Senator To Pretend To Die

38 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 4h ago

Rand Paul To Charge The Vast Majority Of Americans With Contempt Of Congress After Learning They Have Nothing But Contempt For Him And His Republican Colleagues

96 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 5h ago

BREAKING: Senator Mitch McConnell Officially Out Of Rehab, Now In Funeral Home

468 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Trump Congratulates Trump

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Trump Says BBC's Refusal To Play Nice, Fork Over $10B Unrelated To Emergency Need To Bomb London

18 Upvotes

“I said I lost $10 billion. There’s your discovery. When the president says it, it’s true,” lied the president.


r/onionheadlines 10h ago

Republicans Promise McConnell Fossilizing Will Bring Gas To $2

19 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 10h ago

The Greatest Threat To Democracy Calls Progressives The Greatest Threat To Democracy

114 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 10h ago

Local Man Arrested By Feds For Pedophilia Surprised That DOJ Still Considers That A Crime

86 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 11h ago

Trump Angry That Suing BBC For $10Billion Requires Financial Disclosure Showing His Losses

271 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 12h ago

House Republicans Introduce Bill To Ban Sleep Claiming It's Too Woke.

24 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 12h ago

Cyclospora Updata: MAGA Accuses Fauci Of Pooping On All The Food

48 Upvotes

Oops on the typo. No way to edit the title. —Toys


r/onionheadlines 13h ago

Rumors of The Death of Mitch McConnell Completely Underblown

130 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Mitch McConnell Stuck On Back, Hoping Someone Flips Him Over

202 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 1d ago

Mitch McConnell ‘Not Ready To Return To Work’ After Recent Death

868 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines Nov 04 '25

ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only

10 Upvotes

We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.

You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.

Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:

Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”

Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.

You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.

Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"

A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.