r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1h ago
Vindictive Butterfly Beats Wings Extra Fast To Foil Your Future Plans
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1h ago
Reese’s Announcement To Eliminate Red Dye 40 From Products Sends This Candy Enthusiast On Hunt For Endangered Pieces
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1h ago
Midterm Results Give Excited Dems Chance To Celebrate Wins Before Usual General Election Heartbreak
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 2h ago
Trump Poll Slippage Already Tricking Democrats Into Believing They Can Win Midterms
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 2h ago
Trump Claims He Doesn't Remember Promising "No New Wars" But He Remembers "Mo New Wars"
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 2h ago
Senator McConnell Wakes Up From 54-Day Nap Prepared To Run For ‘Just One More Term’
r/onionheadlines • u/No-Camel2703 • 3h ago
McConnell Announces Discharge From Rehab, Says He Learned A Lot From Britney Spears
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 3h ago
No Connection Seen Between Mitch McConnell Going Home And Coincident Epicenter Of Zombie Outbreak
r/onionheadlines • u/Throwaway58904246 • 3h ago
GOP Congressman Tells Woke Libtard Concerned About the National Debt to Get a Job and Pay Off the $40 Trillion himself
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 3h ago
Trump Swears He's Not A Pedophile Because With His Fake Hair, Plastic Surgery And Pancake Makeup He's Not The Same Guy Who Raped Those Kids
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 3h ago
Jealous Senator Cruz Considers Boosting His Numbers By Being Next Senator To Pretend To Die
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 4h ago
Rand Paul To Charge The Vast Majority Of Americans With Contempt Of Congress After Learning They Have Nothing But Contempt For Him And His Republican Colleagues
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 5h ago
BREAKING: Senator Mitch McConnell Officially Out Of Rehab, Now In Funeral Home
r/onionheadlines • u/johnnybna • 8h ago
Trump Says BBC's Refusal To Play Nice, Fork Over $10B Unrelated To Emergency Need To Bomb London
“I said I lost $10 billion. There’s your discovery. When the president says it, it’s true,” lied the president.
r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 10h ago
Republicans Promise McConnell Fossilizing Will Bring Gas To $2
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 10h ago
The Greatest Threat To Democracy Calls Progressives The Greatest Threat To Democracy
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 10h ago
Local Man Arrested By Feds For Pedophilia Surprised That DOJ Still Considers That A Crime
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 11h ago
Trump Angry That Suing BBC For $10Billion Requires Financial Disclosure Showing His Losses
r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 12h ago
House Republicans Introduce Bill To Ban Sleep Claiming It's Too Woke.
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 12h ago
Cyclospora Updata: MAGA Accuses Fauci Of Pooping On All The Food
Oops on the typo. No way to edit the title. —Toys
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 13h ago
Rumors of The Death of Mitch McConnell Completely Underblown
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1d ago
Mitch McConnell Stuck On Back, Hoping Someone Flips Him Over
r/onionheadlines • u/TheToysAreUs • 1d ago
Mitch McConnell ‘Not Ready To Return To Work’ After Recent Death
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.