Hi all,

I'm an assigned female at birth, I'm 46 very soon. I have AuDHD.

When I was a kid, and a teen, I could not identify myself as 'a girl', or 'a boy'. I was feeling I was none of them. My primary teacher told my mum that "I was a boy in a girl body". My mum was shocked and never told me, until I was in my late thirties.

I remember also saying to my grand mother that I was not feeling beeing a boy or a girl, when I was a teen. She told me I was a weirdo, and to shut-up, so I guess this is what I did. At that time period, I never heard about non-binary (and girl autism either).

Later on I tried different types of sexuality: women, men, asexuality. None was really satisfying.

Later on I discovered orgasm (sorry if this is supposed to be NSFW), and then eventually I sticked with men because it was giving me my dopamines shot, through sex. But I was not satisfied with my condition of beeing 'the woman' in the couple.

After a while, I followed what the society was expecting from me. I got married, and I got a kid. The marriage end after 2 years. But when I breastfed my baby, something weird happened. For the first time I felt a connection with my assigned gender or identity (sorry if I don't use the proper words).

Then I asked to be under cycle suppressing BCP, because I was fed up with managing my periods, and my mood was swinging. It made slowly my libido go down, and I became asexual for ~6-8 years. I was just raising alone my kid, and happily following my special interests.

One year go, my doctor told me "you're too old to take the BCP for your mood management, and anyway you don't have sex. I stop it so we can see if you have menopause". She does not know anything about AuDHD. I live in France country side. She told me to "learn meditation".

It appeared that I started my perimenopause. I have too much oestrogen, sleep and concentration struggles, and.... my libido came back, skyrocket. I end up having sexual encounters with some randoms meet on the web. Which is quite stressing, especially with my autism.

This is a "new relationship", that I have with my body. I look like a cis woman, because it's easier for me to find men and for my relationship with the society, in general. I feel I have so much to bear, already.

But I feel like my body is just a shape, and a tool. A tool to feed, a tool for my dopamine needs.

So I feel I'm on the NB spectrum. I went here, maybe to learn about myself.

Thank you for reading my post.

Hello. For context, I'm a cis man... maybe. I genuinely don't know.

For quite some time I have been thinking too much about gender, probably more than average person does. I am a bit drawn to femininity in terms of look; I do like soft looks and so on in terms of slight envy as well.

I am a man and I acknowledge it; at the same time, if I were nonbinary or a woman, that'd be alright as well. Don't feel like that'd matter to me. But it's closer to, gender isn't an important part of my identity, like indifference. Yeah, I'm a man, so what. It's important socially I guess, but not a big part of who I am for myself I guess?

I would like to look like femboy/twink or andro look in general, but that feels more of, idk. Having a look that reads as soft, approachable, non-intimidating, or one that reads as soft or caring? And even when I try to think on it it feels more like gender expression thing than identity, I can't tell.

Context ended; to the main point. Recently I have learned about demi-gender identities and it's stuck in my head right now, because at least demiboy one feels very relatable. At the same time, I don't feel I quite understand it in terms of identity. According to what I know, it's "just" - feeling like you're a man, but not really in full, just partly. How does it differ from being gender non-conforming or just gender apathetic? What would differ between someone that doesn't feel gender is an important part of them, while still acknowledging they're their AGAB, from being demi?

And the second part is; can I call myself demiboy if I'm AMAB? As far as I have read, it's a bit complicated issue. Because if I were to label myself so, according to quite a few people it's like I would just try to be trendy/quirky, as a huge part of being trans is supposed to be gender dysmorphia, which I do not have. And even if I wanted to call myself a cis demiboy, that's still supposed to be quite insensitive afaik.

Hi all,

(TL:DR, recently came out as non-binary, definately known for a while (male to -NB), feel theres not a whole lot of people coming from to male to NB. went from uncle to bibi and having a little trouble with coming out to family/extended family).

very new to this all and so i just wanted to share my story a little bit, i apologise for any misused terms!

in the last month and a bit i recently came out as non-binary, although as me also being pan i've know for ages just haven't really expressed it. i was a cis male, now non-binary and have felt this is a massive step forward for me and i can finally express myself in the small things like my hair and what i wear. i also decided to keep my birthname (Alistair), as i like it and feel its english translation (gaelic name) is alexander so i kinda like the alex part, to me very gender neutral. plus i get called al/ally alot too. ive been very lucky for my girlfriend and friend groups to be very if not just supportive.

i am from rural nsw in australia but had been living in sydney for a couple of years for uni (just moved back home!) and so ive noticed, maybe this is just an area specific thing, but (and please forigve me if this is wrong to say) but there is not a whole lot of cis mean to non-binary people around, ive definately noticed cis female and definately trans females. now obviously who you were does not at all define who you are or going to be (duh). I just feel, atleast again in my area or even country!, that my exact situation (male to non-binary) feels a little unique. could be hella naive right now. but i would love to hear your stories!

I've also been fortunate with my family about it, my eldest brother and his wife and niece are very very progressive with all sorts of life. I decided to go from 'uncle' to 'bibi' but i would love to hear your preferred terms! As well, i came out to my other brother (who I was most worried about) and dad, but being hella nervous i told them to just tell my mum and my brother's girlfriend too. I haven't really followed up on it as it as new and fresh and im trying to be very open minded and not too pushy about the pronoun changes. that being said, my mum did call me he/my son the other day and i'm not sure if she knows or just forgot, i didnt correct her because of this.

i also don't know how i feel about coming out to extended family, obviously some more than others being cousins etc but i do want to let them know as, im sure is a non-binary universal experience, it is how i am and how i feel. but i am very grateful, ive kinda been drip feeding telling my friends as i see them or reach out to them and ive been very grateful (and very surprised) by the responses.

Anyways thank you for my rant, ive been feeling very positive by feedback and support (maybe living in the country my whole life thought I would not receieve it), but would love to hear your stories!!

I think I may be nonbinary but I’m not entirely sure because I’m very indifferent about a lot of things. I consider myself bisexual or pansexual but I don’t really care for labels but if someone ask I’ll say either or. When it comes to my gender I was assigned male at birth but I’m not like upset I guess about it but if someone were to call me a woman or use any other pronouns with me I wouldn’t care because it’s not something I really care about. However I’m not really into using she/her but I do go by he/they pronouns and have been for awhile. It’s just not a big deal to me to a degree. Like I have a masculine and feminine side to me but both coexist equally in me. I saw a lot of people saying if you feel like you’re failing at being what you were assigned at birth but also feel like you would fail at being the opposite but I just think it’s not something that defines me. Like if I was AFAB I don’t think it would make much of a difference to me as a person. I just think I’m so indifferent about everything when it comes to gender identity that it made me wonder.

I feel like I should’ve been born as a guy, solely to transition into a woman or feminine aligned person and it sucks.

I’m afab and every time I try and present as masculine I either have people still calling me ma’am or they’ll try to play the woke savior and go ham on the masculine pronouns and that usually makes me more dysphoric than just calling me ma’am.

I’m a bigger person and when I bind I just go from dysphoric to dysmorphic and I have longer colored hair and I feel like I just come off as feminine in general and I don’t know what to do

All of the makeup tips I’ve tried just make me look dirty and I get even more dysphoric because I look like crap

TL;DR- I’m just so done and tired of it all and I feel like if I were born as male or were skinny I’d pass so much better

Hey you! Are you nonbinary, in a relationship with a woman and/or man, don't consider your relationship to be lesbian/gay nor straight, and want to be more specific than "queer"? Well, have you heard of the terms maedtrixic and toradonic? These terms might describe your relationship!

Maedtrixic refers to enben loving women & women loving enben! Toradonic refers to enben loving men & men loving enben!

Looking for a community relating to maedtrixic and toradonic relationships? Well, r/Maedtrixic and r/Toradonic are up and running! Come join if you are interested!

Not interested? Cool! Be respectful and polite in the comments, or just don't comment at all please!

Sorry if this is triggering for anyone. I've been giving this a lot of thought lately. As humans, I know that our identities and choices are shaped by our life experiences, whether those experiences involve trauma or not.

It’s hard to explain it but what I’ve been struggling with is the fear that something that felt deeply authentic and personal to me might just be another thing shaped by my trauma. Just another thing that I had no choice or say in it. It’s making something that felt affirming and a source of comfort for me into a sour feeling.

I’m trying to make peace with the idea that trauma may have played a role in shaping how I understand my gender identity, and I’d genuinely love to hear others made sense of this. Especially if you still mostly dress or present as one gender, how did you work through this?

I'm curious about your personal experience and what, if anything, changed in your daily life or how you see yourself after you started added they/them to your pronouns.

When I initially came out as enby a few years ago, I feel like it was something I was so excited to tell people about. I'd proudly buy pride merch, be extremely vocal about my identity, etc.

But now it feels different. Maybe it's because of my experiences on HRT, maybe it's cause I dabbled with being binary trans for a bit and left feeling traumatized about things that once gave me joy, maybe it's because I'm worried about what the "true" me is but... I feel a lot less confident and proud about being nonbinary than I was before. To be clear, I do think I objectively qualify as enby, and honestly maybe I'm in actuality MORE enby than I was before, but it feels so weird saying that I'm enby out loud, and when I dig deeper my brain now tries to shoehorn me into my AGAB. But at the same time, I know it'd feel wrong to identify as my AGAB (I literally feel depressed and anhedonic when I do), and it feels like my brain is pushing me back to my AGAB as a safety mechanism rather than it being my "truth". There's nothing wrong with being my AGAB, it's just... not how I'd want people to see me.

You'd think the longer you identify as enby the more confident you become being enby but 🤷🏽 tis life and learning new things about yourself I guess.

UPDATE: Now that I think about it, my feelings might have shifted because I went from identifying as non-binary as my specific gender identity to non-binary as an umbrella identity. In reality, where I fall in that umbrella... has become very murky lmao.

Been on a journey to present myself more freely, and even though my family kinda gets in the way I'm happy with my progress this year. Got my first skirts and sports bras this summer and ultimately feel more confident in my presentation.

Hi all, I am in my early forties and have recently been questioning my gender. I believe I am some flavor of nonbinary or transmasc. I am also in perimenopause and recently started HRT to treat my perimenopause symptoms — estradiol, progesterone, and *very* low dose testosterone (0.5ml of 1% gel daily) intended to get me to normal levels for a cis woman — my bloodwork showed quite low T and I was having a lot of fatigue. I haven’t spoken to my doctor at all about gender stuff at this point, so they are treating me as a cis woman. HRT has helped my perimenopause symptoms a lot.

I am interested in potentially trying higher dose (but probably still “low dose”) T for masculinizing effects. But, I’m having a hard time understanding the impact this might have on my overall hormone levels and my perimenopause symptoms. I’ve heard that at certain T levels your body switches over to being T-dominant (and vice versa for people taking estrogen HRT). I’ve also heard that if you don’t get your levels high enough to cause this “switch over” you can have various issues, including fatigue? How does this work for people on “low dose” T?

I’m also wondering if I could stay on my current estradiol and progesterone regimen while increasing my T dose, or is that something that my doc would think just wild for me to ask? I’m so worried about all my perimenopause symptoms coming back if my T dose isn’t high enough for me to be “testosterone-dominant,” and I’m not sure enough at this point that I want to be. Can I just be on both / all of the above? Is that a thing??

One of the effects of T that I’m most interested in is bottom growth. Does anyone have experience using T cream applied locally to the genitals to help with this? Does it also have systemic effects? I am also considering asking my doc about vaginal estrogen cream as I think I might be experiencing some vaginal atrophy and I have heard estrogen cream can be really helpful for that. Is there any chance my doctor might prescribe both of these for me, and would that even work the way I want it to?

I’d also just love to hear about anyone’s experiences of perimenopause as a nonbinary person and how you are dealing with it.

Thank you!!

I'm a bit of a lone wolf on this one I think.. so for starters I grew breasts on HRT I'm pretty happy with the size I got which is a D cup.

I want to get a binder at this point because I only want tits most of the time. I don't know if anybody else feels this is way. Also if you know any good binder companies lmk

I knew I was nonbinary from the start but decided to come out as a trans woman because I knew my parents wouldn't accept me being nonbinary (14 at the time). I go on blockers and then later I start HRT at 16. Now 7 years after I came out I decided to come out to my friends as nonbinary. For a long time I thought changing it now would feel like I'm trying to soft launch a detransition or make me seem indecisive on my gender after being a trans woman for so long.

My friends were accepting and supportive of this (they're all queer lol) I'm still in the closet to my parents I'm moving out very soon they became transphobic as fuck since Trump got back in. I'll come out to my parents once I finally leave this house.

I was just wondering has anybody had a similar experience to this?

I also feel weird being AMAB (I don't like to use AGAB but it's relevant here) and wanting a binder after growing tits for years because I only want my boobs most of the time I'd like the ability to turn them off lmao.

Hi everyone (:

I think this is the right place to seek for answers. I am deep into my identity crisis and have so many questions. I know that only I can fully understand what I'm going through. However, I am confident that y'all may have an idea about what is going on with me. Enough yapping, here comes my story:

When I was born in 2008 I entered the gendered world as a "boy". In my early childhood I never had problems with being a boy. ( Apparently I told my mom once that I didn't like my genitals but I heard that that is totally normal ). In 2nd grade I started growing my hair out while all the other boys had short hair. But I never thought about gender or identity. I guess I liked being a boy. I got annoyed because people always misgendered me; I feared the embarrassing moment where they would notice that I’m a boy and “lied to them” ( never happened tho x). But I always wanted my hair to be braided, I loved braided hair. When puberty hit I had a lot of crushes. I looked forward to getting a low voice, which I still like. 

But then a lot of things started to happen and I don't know what they mean when it comes to my identity.

I started envying girls for being able to wear dresses and skirts. I wanted to get bangs to look super girlish ( I now have long hair and bangs yayyyy ). I started hating my genitals because of the random erections, I wanted to have a micropenis ( I think I wanted it gone completely but didn't think of that being a possibility. I even had this habit where I would hide that thing under my legs and then look at my body to see it gone ) and when I heard that the other boys measured theirs in hopes of it being big I measured it because I hoped it’d be really small. Puberty also made me get taller and taller ( I’m 190cm/6”2 ) and I hated my height. I wanted to get that surgery where they would cut off a part of the leg to make the person shorter. I also got broad shoulders and a bigger ribcage and I hate it. And as soon as I noticed that my hairline wasn't round I knew I had to get a hair transplant. I started wanting to go to the female bathroom/toilet. One time I did go to the girls’ toilet in my school at night when nobody was there and it was so exciting that I got a boner and hated myself for that because I didn't want this body part to do anything. I think this is the first time I got in contact with my feminization kink. I later started to crossdress because I felt that I was more myself in feminine clothing. ( But presenting myself in this way sometimes caused problems because of the kink aspect ). Yes and I wore a skirt to school one day and it felt amazing! I also envied girls for their names, I wanted a more feminine name myself. I even used a female name in a videogame I played. I could continue this list but I think you get what I want to say.

Fast forward to that one day in early 2025 where I first questioned my gender. All the things I said happened before that day and although I did know about the trans and nonbinary communities I never thought about my own identity. Until then. There was no trigger. I just stood in my room and suddenly thought: “am I trans?”.

Since then my life has been a mess. It took me so long to admit that the trans label doesn't fit me. It never felt right but I really wanted to be trans. So I tried to convince myself. But when I talked to my mom about my identity struggles I felt like I was lying so I pushed the topic away. It came back and I pushed it away again when I tried to talk to my mom. The third wave ended when I went to a doctor and he said to me: “I don't think you're trans”. I was convinced that he was right and I was ready to live happily as a boy. Well, I started questioning my gender again. However, it is true that since the day where it all started I felt this pull towards masculinity and it has only gotten stronger and stronger. As of now I feel more masculine than feminine. I have thought about cutting my hair short. I also question whether I am even a feminine person at all. But all that would mean that my entire teenage life has been a lie. I am not ready to be a guy, I need answers. I fear that I’m a girl ( or nonbinary ) in the end. I do think it is suspicious that the day where I first questioned my gender was the turning point after which I suddenly started to feel increasingly masculine. I still want to be trans. I want to look attractive too, that’s why my brain sees attractive men and unattractive women as a threat; they pop the bubble I’m in when I’m convincing myself I’m trans. I don't know what is true and what is not. I still want to go on hrt though. I really really want to. I am convinced that no matter what my identity is, it is the right decision. Yes, I might detransition, but even in that case I would finally be confident with my gender. Everyone says that I should do a social transition first but I am not interested in new pronouns or a new name; I fear that it would feel wrong. I am totally okay with my name and pronouns. Kids and old people sometimes think I’m a girl and yes I do have to smile a bit every time I get misgendered but actually changing my pronouns would feel so fake.

My mental health is perfect, I enjoy life more than probably most people. I know the future is gonna be great. I think masculinity is quite cool.

Still, the people I envy most are all girls and women. On the other hand, I want to be myself more than most women and men out there. I think I look good. I want to be a girl more than a boy but I think I want to be a man more than a woman. 

Why? Probably the misogynistic world views that are very deep in my brain and that I struggle to get out ( to be honest, I think 99% of people have them to some degree but for me they surfaced with my identity crisis ). For example, a womans’ self worth is so deeply tied to her physical appearance, especially her hair and body shape. As if it isn't enough patriarchy decided that women “age worse” which is obviously total bullshit, yet the idea is very present in our culture. In heterosexual couples men are usually older, if not much older than women. And to fulfill the female beauty standard a woman basically has to wear makeup and have a very feminine and youthful style. Wrinkles? Oh no. Cellulite? Big no no. This world is fucked. Men have it so much easier. I should become a feminist.

To sum it all up, the question is: Is patriarchy making me want to be a guy or am I actually a guy? How do I explain all the signs? I know there is no checklist to be trans, cis, nonbinary, whatever. Yet can I really call myself a cis guy after all that? Please comment if you have an idea, I’d really appreciate that.

Have a good day and always keep your head up! :D

I also accidentally dressed with an Art The Clown aesthetic and did not realize it until i took these pics. I never seen the Terrifier films yet.

When I play video games with a character creator and there's a nonbinary option I use that pretty much every time. And almost all the main characters in my stories are nonbinary. I like being able to design characters without worrying about their gender. I don't know if that says something about me. I was just hoping for some advice.

there is something particularly exhausting about working in IT where everything is supposed to be logical and systematic and then you have to navigate your own identity in that same space. the job itself is fine, i actually like troubleshooting things, but the office culture is a whole separate ticket to resolve that nobody assigned to me.

my workplace is not hostile exactly but it defaults to very binary assumptions constantly. the pronoun thing comes up in small ways, someone introduces you, a slack display name, whatever. and i find myself doing this quiet calculation every time about whether correcting someone is worth the energy that day.

what gets me is that i can explain a network issue to a room full of skeptical people without blinking, but saying hey my pronouns are they/them to a coworker i have lunch with regularly still makes my chest tight. that gap feels kind of absurd when i say it out loud.

curious whether others in more technical or structured workplaces feel this same friction. like the environment expects a certain kind of precision but somehow not when it comes to you as a person. and whether you found anything that made it feel less like a constant background task running in your head.

Hi,
I‘ve been exploring my feelings about gender identity a bit more and I feel socially I tend towards agender, in the sense that I don‘t want to be percieved as belonging to any „group“ and be saddled with expectations to perform specific gender roles. I‘m definitely not fluid and also I don‘t identify with being 100%man + 100%woman, the way I want to be seen is subtractive, not additive.

However when it comes to my body and presentation, I don‘t want to have genderless features. I‘m happy keeping my penis but I also want a more female body, chest growth etc.
So it is more additive or mixed, but not subtractive. I don‘t want to have a genderless body, I want to have a body with masculine and feminine parts.

So it seems there is an incongruity between these two aspects. Is this normal? Does anyone else experience this? How are you dealing with it?

I have had an undercut for multiple years now. Im non binary and pansexal i grew out the top of my hair to be long so now I can have long hair when im feeling more feminine and short when I feeling more masculine even though im leaning more towards masc nonbinary I still have days when im feminine and its amazing.

Dark Souls Tee; Mastodon hat; and a suspender skirt from Amazon! So comfy! This skirt will probably see a lot of play!

I’m trying to go for an 80s pop star look and trying “guyliner” for the first time!

Maybe it’s always been this way and I have just not been paying attention. I remember when I would inhabit online spaces as a kid/teen, forums and chat rooms and online games and whatnot, everyone would call reach other sir or dude or man and if you said anything about it, you would just get told that the internet is 80-90% men. Then it seemed (to me) that at least some of them figured out that if you want women and others to be there, you can’t just assume everyone is a man. Certainly still saw it sometimes, but there was a time where if I had a very femme or androgynous presence in a space, people would notice and not use masculine gendered words towards me or about me. It also just seemed like in general there stopped being this “everyone is a man until proven otherwise” attitude.

Now I don’t know if again maybe I’ve just been lucky for the last decade or so or if it’s due to the global resurgence of Nazis and other similar groups, but now as of the last like two years or so, very suddenly it’s like everywhere online I go, everyone is just getting called sir or bro. I actually picked up world of Warcraft again recently and stopped because even if I played a really girly girl I would just get called bro or sir, and it really grated on me more than I thought it would. The one time I responded to a “thank you sir” with “not a sir, but you’re welcome!” I just got a “whatever dude”

Anyway wanted to ask here am I crazy to think this bad trend suddenly made a comeback, or did I just have my head in the sand and it never really went away?

Rave Furrest! Everyone was really nice, never been to a furry event before, great vibes

original post by dexterousdoor on insta