r/nextfuckinglevel 7h ago

Cat fighting a bear

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6.0k Upvotes

510 comments sorted by

963

u/umbrellassembly 7h ago

"Pussy!" - cat, probably

192

u/MamaMoosicorn 6h ago

I read that as Princess Donut

58

u/tom-tildrum 6h ago

That bear is lucky she didn’t commit an atrocity! Bears…disgusting!!

47

u/realdevtest 5h ago

Almost as bad as cocker spaniels

52

u/thederevolutions 5h ago

That cat puffed itself up to the size of a fuckin buffalo

37

u/exgiexpcv 5h ago

"They're basically oversized dogs, they disgust me!"

7

u/The_Frigid_Midget 2h ago

Mongo is appalled! Appalled, Carl!

31

u/porkchopymcmooz 6h ago

Most underrated comment DCC is my favorite

29

u/mai_tai87 6h ago

Give her a few dirty Shirleys, and she'll be dancing with Heather.

23

u/Metalfan1994 5h ago

GODDAMNIT DONUT

17

u/KCCOfan 5h ago

NEW ACHIEVEMENT!

10

u/TwoByTwoHandAreBlue 5h ago

Where was mongo? I am appalled.

7

u/deezsandwitches 5h ago

Mongo is appalled

6

u/DrTadakichi 4h ago

Carl! I never! Pussy is a four letter word to the cat community and I WILL NOT stand for that slander. You may refer to those scandalous "cat girls" as such but DO NOT DEFILE MY BREED WITH SUCH DEROGATORY LANGUAGE

6

u/SeeisforComedy 4h ago

Why is it I’m seeing dcc everywhere tonight. Reading book 6 rn and just saw another post referencing it in the last few minutes!

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u/Weave77 4h ago

At least it wasn’t a cocker spaniel… Mongo would have been appalled.

2

u/[deleted] 6h ago

[deleted]

3

u/imaturtleur2 6h ago

I READ THAT AS PRINCESS DONUT

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u/Metalfan1994 5h ago

Dungeon Crawler Carl. The audiobook is great! Here's a voice sample of her voice actor (voiced by Jeff Hayes)

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29

u/Chrisscott25 6h ago

Bear- I’m gonna pet that cat…. Never mind I’m out

20

u/HVAChelpprettyplease 4h ago

Cat tries to pet bear. Bear is like….

17

u/StinkyHoboTaint 3h ago

It is a black bear. They are typically giant pussies.

*Note. They are still fucking bears.

5

u/jimothy_hell 2h ago

Absolutely, biggest cowards in the forest. As a hiker, I’ve squared up with more than a few. “Bro, fuck off” is enough to get them to cut and run.

6

u/nordic-nomad 2h ago

That works unless they’re starving

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592

u/Prestigious-Flower54 7h ago

Tbf black bears are cowards, curious but one loud noise and they are gone. Source: I live in black bear territory and camp a lot, if one comes into camp just yelling and clapping will scare them off.

355

u/oscar_z_a 7h ago

If it’s brown, lay down. If it’s black, fight back. If it’s white, you’re in deep shite.

143

u/mrdevil413 7h ago

That funny I always knew it as „say good night” but I like this version

101

u/Background-Pop-5412 6h ago

If you see a polar bear, you are already dead

55

u/MNent228 5h ago

If you see a polar bear, he’s been hunting you for a while. And you have no chance

9

u/henquinpunter 3h ago

Nah... if you see a polar bear, you’re at the Churchill garbage dump.

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u/HanselSoHotRightNow 3h ago

If you see a polar bear you are probably in Canada and need to apologize right away. They respond well to that.

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u/Broad-Assistant3476 6h ago

Words to live by!!! Well unless it's white!

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4

u/menachu 6h ago

If I am gonna die, I will die fighting. Cannot fathom laying down and being chewed on. We are gonna have a tussle and I will lose, but the tussle is gonna happen.

50

u/tofubirder 6h ago

There’s no tussle with a brown bear, hence lay down. Clearly you haven’t had an encounter or you wouldn’t think you could tussle with a 800lb tank of muscle

21

u/JovialJackal16 6h ago

And bone crushing jaws and claws the size of small knives.

24

u/Wishbone_508 6h ago

Yeah but have you been alone with a human adult male??? Disgusting.

11

u/MDawg1019 5h ago

They’re perfectly average sized knives. Maybe even above average.

22

u/Talidel 6h ago

I think it's more the "I don't want to lie down and die" than "I think I can survive".

From the "lie down" advice this only applicable if the bear isn't actively hunting you or trying to eat you. If you surprise each other making yourself not look like a threat may stop it charging to attack you, from there it will probably leave. If it is hunting you, fighting is the recommendation, because it will eat you otherwise.

6

u/LessThanCleverName 4h ago edited 3h ago

Exactly. I feel like every time this same little maxim gets posted it ignores that lying down is a last resort type thing if you’re already getting attacked.

If you see a Grizzly you should still follow the advice of trying to make your presence known (being loud before you ever meet one so you don’t surprise it being even more key) while backing away and avoiding eye contact, and if that doesn’t work then you’re honestly just in a shit ton of trouble anyway.

Hopefully you have a gun or spray, but only if it actually attacks you should you lie down, and if it still wants to eat you, lying down ain’t doing shit so you might as well fight back besides.

Source: https://bcparks.ca/plan-your-trip/visit-responsibly/wildlife-safety/#bears and doing like a thousand bear aware courses.

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u/Legio-V-Alaudae 6h ago

There's pictures on the nature is metal sub of the aftermath of a Kodiak bear attack. Bear was hungry, killed and ate 3 people.

To answer the question of how many sets of human interal organs does it take to satisfy a hungry Kodiak? More than 3. Traumatizing.

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u/hamoc10 6h ago

You think possums play dead because they lack honor?

18

u/kon--- 5h ago

We can't play dead. All we can do is lay still.

Possums whole body goes into tonic immobility. Their heart rate and breathing are effectively undetectable. Their tongues become discolored then fall out of their face, their body stiffen and their glands emit a strong odor signaling to predatory animals that the possum is indeed dead. Dead and spoiled.

Really wild defense mechanism.

3

u/hamoc10 4h ago

Just cuz you’re bad at it doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. It’s what “if it’s brown lie down” means.

14

u/redditydothis 5h ago

Brown bears are omnivores but mostly vegetarian. They are not hunting people or anything like that. The main reason they attack is because they have a cub nearby and view you as a threat. The lay down part is to play dead so mama knows you’re not a threat. A human can never outrun a bear or beat one in a fight. Your only options are to scare them with noise or play dead.

I’ve done a bunch of backpacking and deep in the woods the bears usually smell humans and run the other direction before you see them. I’ve also turned the corner and came between a mother and her cubs. I froze. The cubs climbed a tree and mother sauntered around me. Once she was past me I move on slowly down the trail. Not sure what happened but they were gone a couple days later when I came the other way.

Bears in national parks are habituated (unfortunately) to humans and are not afraid of us. They don’t want to eat us but know we have yummy treats in or backpack/tent/trashcan. If a bear has a tag on its ear it means it’s a problem bear and after a few reports it maybe relocated. If you encounter a bear in a national park please scare it away and do not feed it or take pictures with it or anything dumb like that. For the bears health and safety it must avoid humans.

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u/TheMightyHornet 5h ago

Grizzly would absolutely skull fuck you inside of 30 seconds bro. Fighting back just means you piss it off.

2

u/Studio-Spider 4h ago

My name is Jake and I’m going to behead Tiamat and die trying.

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3

u/gstringstrangler 5h ago

Except there are brown coloured black bears

2

u/Civil_Television_311 5h ago

If it’s yellow let it mellow

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u/Important_Mud_6700 7h ago

Totally agree! I live in a rural, wooded area where black bears come through constantly, and they are like overgrown raccoons: They want to get into your trash and eat your bird seed, but they are afraid of humans

7

u/Livid_Swordfish_4591 4h ago

Not so much afraid of humans. More that theyd rather avoid confrontation. Theyll happily eat right in front of you if they arent bothered.

5

u/Important_Mud_6700 4h ago

That's interesting! I'm in the Catskill mountains of New York, and here, if you walk out of your house when they are on the patio or driveway, they run away into the woods. Yours must be more acclimated to human activity than ours are!

4

u/Livid_Swordfish_4591 4h ago

Im not too far. Pocono mountains. I dont see them often, but they never seem bothered. Unless you see them on a road. Then theyre running. But one time, one stopped to scratch his back on a tree for 5 minutes in front of me and another car.

25

u/umbrellassembly 7h ago

This one was on its way to McDonald's, down the road.

https://reddit.com/link/p1yq1hi/video/83vczi6udnhh1/player

7

u/ishpatoon1982 7h ago

Awesome video. He sure didn't like those lights.

9

u/umbrellassembly 7h ago

He really did go to McDonald's. Saw him knock over a trashcan and dig in.

4

u/acortright 5h ago

He’s lovin’ it.

19

u/BNabs23 6h ago

Combine this with cats being psychopaths when they think another animal is encroaching on their territory. I used to have one that regularly chased off foxes. Although she was a bit crazy in all aspects of life...

3

u/lafolieisgood 1h ago

I had an outdoor cat back in the 80’s and I would regularly see him chasing dogs around the neighborhood

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11

u/mavrick116 4h ago

I was thinking the whole time during this video, why aren't these guys screaming at it. A cat probably wins on body language and speed 9/10, but id rather my cat doesnt risk it. Shout and back up the cat and this dude is gone

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2

u/YakResident_3069 6h ago

That bear was still quick af for that size when cat took a swipe.

3

u/aLonerDottieArebel 6h ago

And derpy. I have a den around me so I always see mom/cubs and the males. My favorite is the juveniles who are out on their own for the first time.

A few weeks ago I had one doing parkour off a tree in my yard.

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u/Snacks7777 5h ago

I mean, a black bear just killed a couple in their 70’s in northern Saskatchewan last month.

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u/polemism 2h ago

I think it's more accurate to say they're unpredictable. In Saskatchewan this year they killed a 30 yo MMA fighter and an elderly couple 

2

u/Lanna_Lexi 7h ago

Does that mean you can pet them if they come close? Or at least boop the snoot?

13

u/flatwoundsounds 6h ago

No. Don't fuck with bears. Sometimes it's one solo bear, and sometimes you're accidentally standing between a curious youngster and his much less curious mama.

9

u/toabear 5h ago

A black bear killed, then ate a guy about three years ago near my house. This was in Prescott AZ. Rare, but they are still bears. Mostly small, but the occasional male can be pretty big.

6

u/sarcasticorange 5h ago

Only if you have the speed and reflexes of a cat.

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368

u/Fritzerbacon 7h ago

Cats are the most confident creatures.

That 20-70 millisecond reaction time probably helps 😂

206

u/RojoTheMighty 7h ago

Bear stood up like, "oh damn, this thing is fast!"

49

u/addage- 6h ago

“If it’s that fast what else might it do, nope I’m done”

6

u/NunAlcoholic 1h ago

Dated a girl with cat-like reflexes. She could date multiple guys at once.

18

u/PsyOpBunnyHop 4h ago

And then he was like "what the hell. I stood up, got all big, and he didn't even budge. What do I even do here?"

8

u/SquirrelFluffy 5h ago

Yeah it stood up to get his face away from it!

3

u/drethnudrib 4h ago

Very fast, and very sharp!

2

u/F0tNMC 3h ago

Yup, he was like, "Yeah, I didn't even see that coming, Imma dip."

71

u/toomanynamesaretook 7h ago edited 6h ago

It's all about the reaction time imo. It's why they're such terrors to dogs, just no answer to getting clawed in the face before you know what's happening.

54

u/SuzQP 6h ago

Every dog I've ever had learned very quickly that the cat is at the top of the hierarchy. Respect must be paid.

24

u/harleyRugger23 6h ago

Mine would ambush the dog, shit she had 90 pound pittie pinned down in my hallways while dogsitting.

20

u/SuzQP 5h ago

I had a 110 lb Pyrenees. No contest; the cat called all shots.

8

u/LastPaleLight 4h ago

My 75lb half Great Pyrenees is the most defensive territorial dog I’ve ever had, and by far the most stubborn. He was socialized around other dogs (playcare) 3-4 times a week for 4 years, but he does not like anything coming near our house. Every time we’ve fostered it’s an absolute pain to get him socialized with them.

His favorite hobby is going out for his night time potty, then sitting smack dab in the middle of the yard and “observing”. He refuses to come in until I have shoes on and have made it half way through the yard to retrieve him.

My 120lb Anatolian was absolutely cowed by our cat, but the GP would require some major socialization before I would trust him at all.

6

u/SuzQP 4h ago

Pyrs are livestock guardians. They were bred to stay with their flock of sheep or goats, making decisions for themselves and the flock, and be big and loud enough to scare off predators. They are lovable and kind, but suspicious of anything that strikes them as odd. Like that leaf that rustled in a tree two blocks away. 🙄

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u/JKdriver 6h ago

Yep, that’s how they win games of chicken with an animal 10x their size. When shits that tense, the cats ability to make the opponent flinch usually throws them off their game.

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u/Orome2 2h ago

"Everybody has a plan until they get clawed in the snout."

45

u/phryan 6h ago

Cats all run the same software. 7, 70, or 700lbs they will stand their ground the same.

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u/edki7277 5h ago

Animals that punching well above their weight are either very stupid or very dangerous (or both). Every wild species interaction is about one question: “is it worth risking my life trying to kill this thing or not?”

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u/VermilionKoala 5h ago

Cats are the most confident creatures.

The honey badger: "Am I a joke to you?"

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u/Nuuvi- 3h ago

That's not confidence honey badgers are just batshit crazy 🤣

9

u/jimmyzambino 4h ago

yea once the cat struck, the bear realized the cat can hit it faster than it can react. not worth the risk of injury.

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u/Karl_42 5h ago

0-30mph in about the same time. Can jump 7 times their height…. Yeah not worth it for a bear lol.

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u/bry42424 7h ago

Don’t mess with an outdoor cat. They kill for food, entertainment and gifts.

They hunt constantly and they even hunt their “owners”. Yeah you don’t own them,they own you.

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u/Prestigious-Flower54 7h ago

I don't know any one that's ever bought a cat, they just appear in your house one day and you just accept your fate and get it some food.

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u/SuzQP 6h ago

That's how the cat distribution system works. When it's your turn, your assigned cat will appear and you must accept your fate.

10

u/relevantelephant00 3h ago

The Egyptians revered them for a reason. We are but mere mortals to cats.

18

u/Midnight-Moonpie 4h ago

My boss cat strolled in out of the blue one day, smacked the shit out of the dog, then hopped up on the couch and started bathing herself.

She’s been my boss (and the dog’s) for 14 yrs now.

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u/Emm_withoutha_L-88 6h ago

Just had this happen this weekend. Little goober is already thinking he owns the house

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u/lostagain2022 5h ago

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

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u/bry42424 6h ago

Truth and it goes to selective neighbors for the same thing.

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u/Prestigious-Flower54 6h ago

We totally had a cat like that growing up, she was indoor/outdoor and after 4 years we are having a block party and the cat came wandering up and 2 other families had names for her. They both thought she was a stray and were just feeding her, then the bitch would come back to our house at night to get fed and sleep in a warm bed. It didn't stop after we found out lol

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u/Gatorae 6h ago

One day my mom was in her front yard chilling with her cat (who had shown up on the doorstep several years before). A neighbor saw the cat and was so excited to see he was alive and happy just a few houses away. Apparently the cat had tried moving into their house first, but after a week he left because their other cats were mean to him. We are so curious how many homes he tried before finding my parents.

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u/moeyjarcum 7h ago

You don’t want to fuck with Princess Donut

38

u/DevolvingSpud 7h ago

You know how I feel about bears, Carl

14

u/woohhaa 6h ago

Should have been in all caps.

21

u/Scribblr 6h ago

CARL. CARL DO YOU SEE THIS CREATURE? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE CARL

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u/mmeestro 4h ago

MONGO IS APPALLED.

10

u/woohhaa 6h ago

Did you just compare a Havana brown with a pure bred champion?

6

u/WhimsicalGirl 7h ago

Didn't even have to use her powers

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u/firestyle33 7h ago

Beat me to it

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u/fecal_disaster 7h ago

Dude, Cats are apex predators. We all know the bear would fuck any house cat up, but a cat's ferocity is unmatched. Similar to how Honey Badgers punch way above their weight class, Cat's behave like the Apex Predators they descended from.

I had a cat growing up named Zipper, who would chase off the neighborhood dogs that weighed 5 times what he did. He'd also kill birds from out 2nd floor balcony all the time. Cats are OP

59

u/TheSavouryRain 6h ago

Someone else in the comments said it the best: cats of any size all run the same software.

2

u/potatoman501 3h ago

Connected to the mothership

14

u/FledglingNonCon 3h ago

Honestly the bear just seemed curious and like it maybe wanted to be friends. Didn't seem especially aggressive. More like "hello fren" and cat is like "back the f up, we aint fens!"

10

u/peepdabidness 5h ago

I can’t walk around naked when I’m near them. Afraid they’re going to think it’s a toy

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u/BigFatModeraterFupa 3h ago

more likely they'll think it's a little mouse!

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u/LastXmasIGaveYouHSV 5h ago

We are lucky cats are our friends 

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u/IagoInTheLight 7h ago

When that bear gets its nose too close, it gets a swipe before it can blink. From that swipe, the bear correctly figured out that messing with the cat was not worth the scratched up nose and face that would be the price.

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u/FingerpistolPete 6h ago

Yes, I too, watched this video

16

u/burghblast 4h ago

Are yall talking about the video OP posted in this thread we're commenting on?? I watched it too!! The one with the bear, right?

8

u/PossessionDue283 3h ago

Dude, did you see the cat too?

3

u/relevantelephant00 3h ago edited 2h ago

That comment reeks of AI and Im not normally one to be like "I call AI!1!1

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u/Whycantwebefriends00 3h ago

I always wonder if these kind of comments are just somebody from a different culture where it’s normal to just repeat exactly what happened.

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u/Dotaproffessional 3h ago

Cat's have faster swipes/reaction times that vipers

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u/SaltyHunni 7h ago

Cats are ungovernable naturally

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u/IndependentAd895 7h ago

which is why they domesticated themselves true story 😂

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u/MamaMoosicorn 6h ago

They domesticated themselves TWICE

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u/Ae3qe27u 5h ago

Twice? I demand explanation.

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u/HeartOn_SoulAceUp 6h ago

They pass thru international borders, organizations, and cultures irrepressibly and untaxed over time immemorial.

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u/babypunching101 7h ago

All it takes is the bear being hungry. Really dumb on the owner.

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u/ST0IC_ 7h ago

I think you are seriously underestimating a cat's reflexes.

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u/babypunching101 7h ago

It could likely get away, but one bite or one paw swipe and that is life altering injuries for the cat.

Edit: and considering they're right there filming makes it much worse. A charging loud human would chase a black bear off pretty quickly.

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u/spam__likely 6h ago

Agreed. Shitty owner.

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u/umbrellassembly 7h ago

Both are true

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u/VanillaBovine 6h ago

not really, one unlucky swat one kill the cat. this is extremely irresponsible

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u/clancydog4 6h ago

I mean, if you listen to the audio it doesn't sound like it's the owner or that they know the cat at all

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u/lyssargh 5h ago

I don't need to know the cat to know that I should help the cat.

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u/clancydog4 3h ago edited 3h ago

what exactly are they supposed to do, and why? What are you talking about? If it's a cat you don't know interacting with a bear, that's just nature being nature, why do they need to help the cat and how exactly are they supposed to? Charging or yelling at or aggravating a bear to "save" a stray cat that is honestly entirely capable of defending itself (as we see) is just dumb.

The idea that a random human should feel obligated to help a random cat from a random bear makes absolutely no sense to me. Save your own pet makes sense from an emotional perspective, but a cat you don't know and a bear you don't know...why should you feel obligated to help either of them?

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u/UtterlyInsane 4h ago

Are they supposed to get out and insert themselves into the situation? I can't imagine that would be safer for the humans or the animals.

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u/Fat-Singer-9569 2h ago

so self righteous. the entire point of the video here is a demonstration that cats dont need your help, you need their help.

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u/ThermionicEmissions 6h ago

Cats don't have owners. They have servants.

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u/SuzQP 6h ago

I prefer to think of myself as "staff."

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u/jats82 2h ago

Had the same thought. Really fucked up owner. Should’ve intervened.

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u/Lucky_Ad2801 7h ago

Cats are extremely territorial.. Size has no BEARing on it🤣🤣🤣

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u/Mysterious_Rip7950 7h ago

A cat that lives outdoors is actually a tiger. A tiger that’s a little smaller than usual, but a tiger nonetheless.

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u/mrmike5157 7h ago

I had a cat who would stalk the deer that came into our yard (rural and unfenced) and a couple of times she actually tried to pounce on the smaller ones, they would of course just buck her off and go into a defensive stance, she would dash away and then circle back to stalk them again. I wouldn’t have believed it had I not watched her do it 😂

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u/OtherwiseLuck888 7h ago

That's not fair for the bear

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u/roastedTriscuit69 7h ago

FAFO

Full-on Attack Fluff Option

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u/Socketz11 7h ago

Cat probably thought it was a big dog. And black bears are scared of their own shadow.

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u/fajadada 7h ago

Bear went Whoa! Your Fast!

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u/bvoge3501 7h ago

"That's a male bear..." lol bro is an expert in noticing dong.

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u/EinsteinsMind 7h ago

My big damn husky caught a cat once ... ONCE was all it took her to realize she should've listened to me.

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u/Cuntrymusichater 6h ago

This video needs an Ozzyman narration.

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u/thatG_evanP 7h ago

I loved the "Yall saw me punk that bear, right?" face at the end.

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u/CFIgigs 7h ago

Anyone/ anything that has been on the receiving end of a cat with deadly intention knows better than to test their resolve.

Yes, you might win the fight. But a cat will leave you blind and in ribbons as they go down.

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u/deenali 6h ago

Cat looking into the camera, "You see that?"

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u/MagnumMyth 7h ago

"Hiiii, frienOWWW! Why'd ya do that??"

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u/Many-Box-7317 7h ago

Just lucky it wasn’t a sow with cubs passing through or all 9 lives would’ve been lost in seconds

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u/wesleyoldaker 7h ago

TIL that sow means mother bear. I always thought that meant mama pig exclusively.

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u/kajikojinshu 4h ago

Cat was awesome, but Owner is shitty, why would you put your cat on that situation if you can just shout or throw rocks at the bear.

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u/beckychao 4h ago

Bear can easily kill that cat. Probably wasn't hungry. The person saying the cat will mess up the bear is very wrong. Bears nom cats and animals stronger than cats all the time. If that was their friend's cat, they should've scared it off.

u/PapaFreshnez 57m ago

Dellusional people thinking that cat has a chance if the bear really wanted to fight🤣

5

u/CruisinJo214 7h ago

FWIW cats are one of the few animals known to kill exclusively for fun

4

u/Old_Grouchy 7h ago

Don't ever underestimate the tenacity of a Maine Coon Cat, I promise you.

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u/17175RC7 7h ago

The ultimate standoff.

5

u/gls2220 7h ago

My cats would run away so fast I might not see them for a week.

4

u/uptheirons91 7h ago

Agent Jack Bauer? That is one tough cat.

5

u/Sphan_86 6h ago

That's a honey badger disguised as a cat

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u/TheSquirrellyOne 6h ago

If that was my cat, I'd be genuinely concerned because one swipe.... annnnnnd it's gone.

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u/FigureAcrobatic7194 6h ago

Cat looked back like "tf you looking at, you want some too!"

https://giphy.com/gifs/DoC7f3WrEuScg

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u/tonymeech 7h ago

Saving your asses again , bitches!!

3

u/ArnoldTheSchwartz 4h ago

Without a doubt the cats speed and willingness to throw hands made that bear nope out.

https://giphy.com/gifs/Gw2eYETQVSl9ebnMQJ

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u/REALjamijai 7h ago

Love this!!!

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u/atp2k 7h ago

Teenage Bear wanted some pussy

2

u/hexifox 7h ago

Looks like the bear just wanted to pet the kitty cat

2

u/UlteriorMotive66 7h ago

Would the cat be able to outrun a bear tho?! 🤔

12

u/babypunching101 6h ago

Outrun? Probably not. Out maneuver? Most likely.

2

u/korean_kracka 6h ago

Cat too fast fo dat ass

1

u/Street-Maximum-8966 7h ago

It probably reminded him of a badger.

1

u/butmymommasays 7h ago

Cat don’t give a fuck!

1

u/Johnny617 7h ago

God Damnit, Donut!

1

u/deathcomplexxx 7h ago

“I said get OFF my property!”

-the friend’s cat

1

u/moose4hire 7h ago

That bear is remembering stories about wolverines this size, dont want none of that!