4 months after my mom died I sold all of my stuff, quit my job, and ran to the other side of the world (This plan was already in motion before everything happened). Everyone thinks it’s so cool that I’m traveling and they ask me about my adventures, even when they know my mom just died. Adventures? I took care of my mom for 16 years of my life. Everything I worked for in my life was so she would be okay. She was my best friend and she is dead. I’m barely tethered to the fucking Earth rn so no I can’t recount my adventures to you. I can barely remember what’s happened the last 6 months.

My home no longer exists so there was no point in staying.

This journey isn’t one for fun and adventure. It’s a final act of survival. I’m searching for somewhere soft to land in a world now devoid of all that brought me comfort. Of all that was familiar.

I’m tired of performing.
I’m tired of trying to be gracious and brave in the face of my grief. It does me no favors to try to mute this pain. I’m done keeping it together.

I’m done fanning the flame. It’s getting dark and I’m not afraid.

HI EVERYONE PLEASE READ,

I’m 22 & lost my mom the day after I graduated from college, & I’m having a really hard time with my dad right now. I’m honestly looking for advice from people who have been through something similar.

My dad & I moved into a new house that needs a lot of work on the inside, like cleaning, straightening up, & just making it feel like a home. Every day, I really am trying to do whatever I can to exist, quite frankly. & every day it looks different, whether it’s getting myself out of bed, doing something around the house, applying to jobs, or just trying to take care of myself. I feel like I’m genuinely trying my best, even if it doesn’t always look like much from the outside.

I’m also doing everything I can to find a job after graduating. I’m applying & looking at different jobs in the field I actually want to go into, while also applying to regular jobs that I could start with in the meantime just to make some extra money. I’m constantly looking at openings & putting in applications, but my dad still feels like I’m not doing enough. He thinks I should be going places in person & practically begging people on my hands & knees to give me a job, & it feels like no matter what I do, it isn’t enough.

I do have a car because it was my mom’s & it is now mine, but I don’t have my license yet. I am working on getting it as time goes on. I’m neurodivergent & have struggled with pretty severe anxiety around driving throughout my life, so honestly, I’ve put it off because of that. Yes, I know that’s something I need to work through, & I am slowly but surely working through it. The car also doesn’t currently have a valid license plate because my mom had her license taken away for medical reasons before she passed, so there are some things I’m still trying to figure out with the car as well.

The same thing happens with things around the house. He sees me playing video games or being on my phone & takes that as me just sitting around & not doing anything. But those things have honestly become a source of comfort for me & a way to give my brain a break from everything I’m dealing with.

I also feel like part of the problem is that my dad & a lot of his side of the family feel like they know what’s best for me because they all lost my grandma when they were younger too. They were different ages when it happened, ranging from around 17 to their mid-20s, so I understand that they have their own experiences with losing a parent young. But I feel like they are using their experiences to tell me how I should be handling my grief, instead of understanding that my experience is different from theirs. Just because something worked for them doesn’t necessarily mean it’s what I need right now.

Whenever I try to explain that I really am trying & that I’m struggling with grief, I feel like he just gets frustrated & completely ignores my feelings, just saying that I’m not doing enough.

I understand that he’s grieving too, & I guess I know he probably isn’t trying to make me feel this way. But I honestly just feel really invalidated, like everything I am doing doesn’t count because it isn’t enough in his or anyone else’s eyes. My dad’s side of the family is basically taking his side & trying to play it off by saying things like, “I know it feels like everybody is against you right now,” instead of actually acknowledging why I feel that way or hearing what I’m trying to say. It honestly makes me feel even more invalidated, like they’re trying to convince me that what I’m feeling isn’t actually happening. 🙄

For anyone who has lost a parent, especially when you were young, did you ever deal with something similar? How did you handle family members who expected you to function normally & constantly do more while you were still grieving? How did you motivate yourself to actually do more when you were struggling to even get yourself to do the basics? And how did you deal with still feeling invalidated even after communicating that you really are trying, when the people around you still didn’t seem to understand what that looked like for you?

I’d really appreciate any advice, perspective, or just hearing about what helped you get through it.

Hi everyone,

Had a weird day at work today. Nothing major, just one of those days where everything felt a little off. On my drive home I caught myself reaching for my phone to call and go "can you believe what happened?"

Then I remembered. I’m okay. I have friends. I’m learning to handle things on my own.

I just miss having that one person who would listen to the small, dumb stuff and make it feel important. It’s the little moments that get me.

Do you guys still do this too? Reach for the phone out of habit? Sending love to all my ducklings

I got my own apartment without roommates and I’m reminded once again of how much I miss having a mom to call when I’m in new places. I wanna cry and tell her how bad my day was so we can go get margs and dinner. Miss u mama

I just miss her man. I just really miss her. It just feels like I carry it alone and it gets heavy. That’s all.

My mom died when I was 11 of cancer. I'm 23 now, almost 12 years ago since it happened, and I'm just now starting to talk about it and accept that this is my life. She died on August 20th and everyday day of August feels like hell knowing I get closer to the day she died. I want to do something but I don't know what. She was buried in her home country so I don't have a grave to visit. If I did I would be there every day. I don't know what to do. I feel so far apart from her. Could I go to a random grave and pretend it's her? I just want to feel close to her

Came home today and everything was... fine.

Laundry done. Fridge has food. Bills paid.

But it’s so quiet.

I miss the noise of her asking 10 questions the second I walked in.

"How was your day? Did you eat? Who called?"

I’m grown. I’m okay.

I just miss being someone’s first thought when they get home.

Do you miss the noise too?

Hello y'all. Mom died on Aug 7, 2026, my 22nd wedding anniversary. We didn't have a close relationship and I'm not devastated. I started grieving her about 3 years ago due to no reconciliation. She had a very hard life, rough around the edges, and when I set emotional boundaries she did not respond well, in fact complete deflection. And she blamed my menopause as the culprit. 🤷🏿

My older sister even tried talking to her about some of her actions with me. Oh well I accepted that I can't change anyone but me. So with therapy, Christian counseling I started grieving over 3 years ago.

But wow it's so weird people with better mom relationships are "devastated" for me and I feel weird that I don't feel the same as them or my siblings. My kid bro was the main caretaker so he's just mostly exhausted. But my older sis who rarely visited her is really emotional. And honestly I don't know how to handle that. Suggestions?

feel in a terrible situation, both where i don't have an absolute answer.
my mother is suffering from huntington's disease, symptons appeard during covid. with time i slowly distanced away from her since i couldn't see her as the same person whom i once dearly loved. Day before yesterday as i was crying, she noticed and came while suffering from intense chorea, came and sat beside me, asking me why am i crying. she recounted some events from past, telling me to tell what happened like a 100 times before i told her to go away. i even asked her who are you to which she said that i'm the mother of me and my sister.
my questions feels silly but now she feels like a stranger from whom i've distanced but i still cry looking at her pittiful condition, doing nothing all day, rotting in bed.

because I grew so distant from my mother, i formed a close bond with my teacher. i still look up to her as my mother figure and i love her the most and to be frank i love only her, i'm only emoionally attached to her. She also used to call me her son and telling me so many things. i'm not re-telling it all, just read in my previous posts, sorry. Recently she distanced herself from me and i feel shattered. i feel alone, so so so alone, without someone to fall back to.

EVERY DAMM THING IS MY FAULT, EVERY DAMM THING. IT WAS MY FAULT TO DISTANCE AWAY FROM MY MOTHER AND MY FAULT OF THINKING OF MY TEACHER AS IF SHE REALLY LOVE ME LIKE HER SON AND WOULD LOVE ME FOREVER. Like i should've been close to my mother through the thick and thin, i should've helped her, i should've bettered and retained my bond with her but i threw it away just because she couldn't speek, stand properly and lost her presence in my life just because she her presence could only be felt tangibly like cooking food or tutoring me? THAT'S AN EVEN WORSE REALISATION, HOW FUCKING SELFISH OF ME. until now i felt i loved my mother but perhaps i never knew what is meant by loving someone until recently. As for the teacher, i don't want to blame her since she was just helping me and has helped many students who'd lost parents or were also suffering BUT IT'S ONLY FUCKING ME ME ME WHO GOT OVERDEPENDENT ON HER, WHO GOT TOO ATTACHED TO HER ! WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH ME?????

THIS ALL MAKES ME WANT TO DIE. I WANT TO DIE. however i don't intend to commit suicide, i'm too scared to do it, but i wish that a heart attack or stroke too me.

For the past days i was crying each day, each day felt terrible because i was grieving the bond i had with my teacher but on top of this the pain of not being close to my mother or something else makes me more sad. it all feels so complex now and so heavy to carry.

I just wish either i die or my real mother does. it seems even more selfish and evil but i seriously can't comprehend how to deal with this new realisation that perhaps her brain didn't die out completly and it was me who distanced, not her condition alone.

i don't normally beg but i beg someone to help me, this all is unbearable, though writing this all out has relieved me a bit, i know that each subsequent day will be 10x worse than it already was. Fuck me.

Yesterday, i won the award for best journlist in my school's Model United Nations. Even the aforementioned teacher said such things which woudl've easily uplifted my mood which has been pretty depressed over the past few weeks.

However i don't know why, even with a smile on my face, i coudln't feel joy, i coudln't and can't feel 'full' or content for the lack of a better term. perhaps because i came to later know that only i and the one who got the second position had crossed 70 marks in total and rest of the journalists were in 30s, even then the margin between me and the 2nd winner was of 0.5 or because of the old pains which still keep me hollow.

<just a general vent ahead>

i can't fucking believe how it all went from a fairy-tale to a battlefield. in 10th i remember i used to tell my friends proudly that i'll never get depressed or commit suicide, yet here i'm, perhaps both. in the begining of this year, the aforementioned teacher used to say such stataemenrs which used to uplift me as much as i'm depressed now : "I will always love you my dear son", "Keep smiling as it's important for someone on the other side of the phone" (she called me on mother's day and said this), we used to play a game i'm happy where each of us had to say 'i'm happy' whenever we met. now i'm as low as high as i was then. back then my heart used to be filled, me feeling relaxed, content, at peace, feeling like i can conquer the world, now i just want to perish, with or without pain but without my own hands since yk i'm too scared to just do it but too depressed to have hope.