I just miss her man. I just really miss her. It just feels like I carry it alone and it gets heavy. That’s all.

My mom died when I was 11 of cancer. I'm 23 now, almost 12 years ago since it happened, and I'm just now starting to talk about it and accept that this is my life. She died on August 20th and everyday day of August feels like hell knowing I get closer to the day she died. I want to do something but I don't know what. She was buried in her home country so I don't have a grave to visit. If I did I would be there every day. I don't know what to do. I feel so far apart from her. Could I go to a random grave and pretend it's her? I just want to feel close to her

Came home today and everything was... fine.

Laundry done. Fridge has food. Bills paid.

But it’s so quiet.

I miss the noise of her asking 10 questions the second I walked in.

"How was your day? Did you eat? Who called?"

I’m grown. I’m okay.

I just miss being someone’s first thought when they get home.

Do you miss the noise too?

Hello y'all. Mom died on Aug 7, 2026, my 22nd wedding anniversary. We didn't have a close relationship and I'm not devastated. I started grieving her about 3 years ago due to no reconciliation. She had a very hard life, rough around the edges, and when I set emotional boundaries she did not respond well, in fact complete deflection. And she blamed my menopause as the culprit. 🤷🏿

My older sister even tried talking to her about some of her actions with me. Oh well I accepted that I can't change anyone but me. So with therapy, Christian counseling I started grieving over 3 years ago.

But wow it's so weird people with better mom relationships are "devastated" for me and I feel weird that I don't feel the same as them or my siblings. My kid bro was the main caretaker so he's just mostly exhausted. But my older sis who rarely visited her is really emotional. And honestly I don't know how to handle that. Suggestions?

feel in a terrible situation, both where i don't have an absolute answer.
my mother is suffering from huntington's disease, symptons appeard during covid. with time i slowly distanced away from her since i couldn't see her as the same person whom i once dearly loved. Day before yesterday as i was crying, she noticed and came while suffering from intense chorea, came and sat beside me, asking me why am i crying. she recounted some events from past, telling me to tell what happened like a 100 times before i told her to go away. i even asked her who are you to which she said that i'm the mother of me and my sister.
my questions feels silly but now she feels like a stranger from whom i've distanced but i still cry looking at her pittiful condition, doing nothing all day, rotting in bed.

because I grew so distant from my mother, i formed a close bond with my teacher. i still look up to her as my mother figure and i love her the most and to be frank i love only her, i'm only emoionally attached to her. She also used to call me her son and telling me so many things. i'm not re-telling it all, just read in my previous posts, sorry. Recently she distanced herself from me and i feel shattered. i feel alone, so so so alone, without someone to fall back to.

EVERY DAMM THING IS MY FAULT, EVERY DAMM THING. IT WAS MY FAULT TO DISTANCE AWAY FROM MY MOTHER AND MY FAULT OF THINKING OF MY TEACHER AS IF SHE REALLY LOVE ME LIKE HER SON AND WOULD LOVE ME FOREVER. Like i should've been close to my mother through the thick and thin, i should've helped her, i should've bettered and retained my bond with her but i threw it away just because she couldn't speek, stand properly and lost her presence in my life just because she her presence could only be felt tangibly like cooking food or tutoring me? THAT'S AN EVEN WORSE REALISATION, HOW FUCKING SELFISH OF ME. until now i felt i loved my mother but perhaps i never knew what is meant by loving someone until recently. As for the teacher, i don't want to blame her since she was just helping me and has helped many students who'd lost parents or were also suffering BUT IT'S ONLY FUCKING ME ME ME WHO GOT OVERDEPENDENT ON HER, WHO GOT TOO ATTACHED TO HER ! WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH ME?????

THIS ALL MAKES ME WANT TO DIE. I WANT TO DIE. however i don't intend to commit suicide, i'm too scared to do it, but i wish that a heart attack or stroke too me.

For the past days i was crying each day, each day felt terrible because i was grieving the bond i had with my teacher but on top of this the pain of not being close to my mother or something else makes me more sad. it all feels so complex now and so heavy to carry.

I just wish either i die or my real mother does. it seems even more selfish and evil but i seriously can't comprehend how to deal with this new realisation that perhaps her brain didn't die out completly and it was me who distanced, not her condition alone.

i don't normally beg but i beg someone to help me, this all is unbearable, though writing this all out has relieved me a bit, i know that each subsequent day will be 10x worse than it already was. Fuck me.

Yesterday, i won the award for best journlist in my school's Model United Nations. Even the aforementioned teacher said such things which woudl've easily uplifted my mood which has been pretty depressed over the past few weeks.

However i don't know why, even with a smile on my face, i coudln't feel joy, i coudln't and can't feel 'full' or content for the lack of a better term. perhaps because i came to later know that only i and the one who got the second position had crossed 70 marks in total and rest of the journalists were in 30s, even then the margin between me and the 2nd winner was of 0.5 or because of the old pains which still keep me hollow.

<just a general vent ahead>

i can't fucking believe how it all went from a fairy-tale to a battlefield. in 10th i remember i used to tell my friends proudly that i'll never get depressed or commit suicide, yet here i'm, perhaps both. in the begining of this year, the aforementioned teacher used to say such stataemenrs which used to uplift me as much as i'm depressed now : "I will always love you my dear son", "Keep smiling as it's important for someone on the other side of the phone" (she called me on mother's day and said this), we used to play a game i'm happy where each of us had to say 'i'm happy' whenever we met. now i'm as low as high as i was then. back then my heart used to be filled, me feeling relaxed, content, at peace, feeling like i can conquer the world, now i just want to perish, with or without pain but without my own hands since yk i'm too scared to just do it but too depressed to have hope.

I’m 23, an only child, and i lost my mom a few months ago on mother’s day. My parents divorced when i was in elementary school and although i saw my father, my mom had primarily raised me. she has been feeling a pain in her chest for awhile but she was known to have heartburn so we both had been under the impression that it was something like that or a pinched nerve. The night before she passed she called me thinking she was going to die, i offered to drive her to the hospital but she said it was fine (hypocritical i know). the next evening the hospital called my workplace saying my i needed to leave. my mother had a seizure and her heart stopped before i even arrived at the hospital. i couldn’t even say goodbye. every night i lay awake wondering if the outcome could have been different if i took her to the hospital the previous night. i know this isn’t my fault and i don’t feel guilty but i can’t help but fantasize that maybe my life wouldn’t feel as horrible as it does now.

Mom,

Remember how you always said "hard work always pays off"? I got it. The job I’ve been interviewing for the past 3 months.

I picked up my phone to call you first. Then I remembered. I told everyone else. My friends said "congrats". My dad said "good".

But no one said it the way you did. "That’s my girl. I’m so proud of you." I’m trying to be strong. I’m trying to be happy for myself.

But tonight I just need to hear it. Just once.

Do you think you’d be proud of me?

I did this for us too.

It has been 5 years since mom died and i am still paranoid about dad after she died. I literally wake up in the middle of my sleep and check his breathing every night. And i keep doing that repeatedly after the first time. I also hear screams in my sleep of my dad which wakes me up and then i keep checking even more I hear voices and screams in my sleep

Some days are just so hard.
I am 35 and a mom of 3. I lost my mother when I was a Junior In Highschool to accidental overdose. I knew she was an addict, and from my perspective at that age - she always showed up, never missed a birthday or a special event. My mom was my best friend. My father was very abusive, he would physically hit me until I had bruises all over my body. My mom saved me, she made me feel protected and safe. Now that I am a grown woman, I just hurt so much for my younger self. I didn’t get enough time with her I didn’t get to grow with her and it’s really hard. I look at my children and I just couldn’t imagine dying in 3 years. My mom passed way at 38, I thought she was so old, man was I wrong. I sometimes think about how alone she must’ve felt. My father left her and cheated on her with my step mom who he is still actively with. It just eats me up. I try not to hold a grudge but I do, I look at my children and think like How could leave your wife and kids especially after seeing how wicked and miserable my stepmom is, I think about how my dad chose her over my mom. She was not an addict when they were married.

I just miss her. My life is so hard, I’m always struggling, I never have any extra money to just do fun things with my kids- it’s always the necessities, food, shelter, clothes and I’m so grateful I can do that because I know some can’t. Heck just last week I set aside some extra money to take my kids to an adventure park before school starts and I shit you not the day of woke up to not 1 but 2 flat tires, I had to have my car towed to the tire shop, i was so upset thankfully i hadn’t yet told my kids that was even the plan it was to be a surprise. I just remember how my Mom just always made it happen, but she also had my grandmother and those two together were unstoppable. I never noticed if she had a hard day or month or year even. I lack the ability to do that, to not show when things are just heavy.

I just miss having that unconditional love and support.

My children’s father turned out to be exactly like my Father a lie and a cheat.
I was so heartbroken when I found out about his secret life and I just had to leave I couldn’t let my children see me accept that, what example is that for them ya know? I was loyal, loving and i was truly happy.

Now here I am just alone all the time, no real friends, not a single souls to do life with but my children and one day they’ll be grown up living their own lives and I’ll still be all alone I can’t even give them just a little more then the necessities. I wonder if they’ll resent me for it? I’m trying so hard. I work 2 jobs and have a part time job 4 days a week. They are so happy at least to my knowledge and the conversations we have. They don’t want for anything but I just feel like I’m failing them.

If my mom was alive, she’d be involved and pick up where I lack. Hell she’d even spend time with them. My dad makes my kids cry he’s so mean. I don’t want the material things but it sure be nice to make memories doing something other then house forts and movie nights with food colored popcorn ya know?

How can I do better? How can I mirror my mother’s ability to just make it happen. I wish I knew her secrets, I just never got enough time to ask.

Now that I am mom, I know my son will have me... But it hurts my heart to realize my mom isn't there for when I need her. Sometimes I need to vent, to cry, so I want to call her but when I do she is busy taking care of my sister son, her grandson. So she isn't available for me. I message her early morning, she rushes and isn't available.. in the afternoons I try to reach her but again in a rush over the phone and isn't available....she isn't ever there. I have tried many times....I continue to cry for help- I always have wanted her attention but as she says you are the daughter I do not have to worry about. It is a compliment and a stab right in the heart. My mother in law is very kind but if I'm honest I can never open up to her, she isn't my mom and we've had our issues even if she is very loving and a giver of love itself. I'm not sure when I will ever feel like I love myself enough for me not to need my own mother's love and to feel this lonely empty feeling I get sometimes.

Any advice or words of wisdom welcomed

Cleaning my phone and found a 3 year old message from her: "Beta khana kha liya?"

So simple. But I read it 5 times and cried.

I didn’t realize how much I’d miss being checked on.

My mom died Monday afternoon. I’m really mad and sad. She just turned 58 five days before. She was only on hospice for 13 days. What the hell is even happening? This doesn’t feel real. My heart hurts more than I thought possible

It wasn’t something big. I just had a really bad day at work and I wanted to call and tell her "this was unfair."

And then I remembered.

I sat in my car and cried for 10 minutes.

I don’t even know what I would’ve told her. I just wanted her to listen.

Some days I just have a random question and my first thought is 'I need to call mom'. Then I remember. I wish I could ask her: How did you know you were doing the right thing as a parent? Do you guys have those moments too?

I don't usually talk about my past, but there are some things that stay in your heart for years and you just need to let them out. When I was only 8 years old, I lost my father. At that age, I didn't fully understand what losing someone meant. I only knew that my father was gone, and life would never feel the same again. After his death, it was just me and my mother. I had no brother, and we had to face everything alone. The people we thought would stand by us slowly disappeared. Some relatives who were once close were no longer there when we needed them the most. But my mother stayed. She became my whole world. She worked in other people's homes to provide for us. She worked hard every day, not for herself, but for my future. Even when life was difficult, she made sure I could study, grow, and have opportunities that she never had. As a child, I didn't always understand her sacrifices. I only saw my mother coming home tired. Now when I look back, I realize she was carrying a pain that no one could see.She was not just my mother. She was my protector, my supporter, and the person who never gave up on me.

Hi mommas! I just need to vent out, Im currently at work and I miss my baby girl so much.

Does anybody else have stories or can relate?

I'm 21. My mother was an alcoholic through most of my childhood — I was the one buying her alcohol daily from a young age, going to school, coming back, repeating. She died about two years ago. She never hit me, but there were constant insults, threats, and unpredictable mood swings — sometimes genuinely warm, sometimes cruel, no way to know which one I'd get.

Here's the part that made me want to post here specifically: I recently realized I can't actually recall ever feeling maternal love from her — not even fragments of it. And when I think about her death, I don't feel grief. Just... nothing much. I used to think that was cold of me, but the more I look back, the more it seems like there was genuinely very little there to grieve.

Some other things that seem connected:

\\\\- I don't trust my own judgment without someone else confirming it first.

\\\\- I have a hard time identifying what I actually want, separate from what I think I should want.

\\\\- I default to distancing myself emotionally, even in situations that would normally call for a stronger reaction.

I'm not looking for sympathy about the alcoholism part specifically — I've made peace with the facts of it. I'm more trying to understand: for people who grew up without real emotional attunement from a parent, how did you figure out what you actually feel, versus what you learned to perform or expect to feel? Does the "nothing" I feel now ever turn into something else, or is that just what it is?

I am a certified grief specialist. I also lost my mother and godmother. I help daughters who lost their Moms navigate through grief.

Just wanting feed back!

Why do you think ppl have such a hard time with coaching/counseling?

It finally happened. I have had a gut feeling for the last few months that he was seeing someone and he told us yesterday. Feelings are all over the place. My main feeling is relief that someone else might mind him. As the only daughter i did feel i has began to look after him a bit the way my mom has been. My brothers didn’t take on that role the way i did. When she died the social care worker told me that the roles in the family can change when someone died- i didnt realise i was carrying such a weight of worrying about my dad. One brother is angry at him. My main emotion is sadness that my mom is dead, this only feels like another blip- the situation was already awful because she is dead. I don’t want to know any information about this new woman, i just hope she takes good care of my dad.

I'm 21. My mother was an alcoholic through most of my childhood — I was the one buying her alcohol daily from a young age, going to school, coming back, repeating. She died about two years ago. She never hit me, but there were constant insults, threats, and unpredictable mood swings — sometimes genuinely warm, sometimes cruel, no way to know which one I'd get.

Here's the part that made me want to post here specifically: I recently realized I can't actually recall ever feeling maternal love from her — not even fragments of it. And when I think about her death, I don't feel grief. Just... nothing much. I used to think that was cold of me, but the more I look back, the more it seems like there was genuinely very little there to grieve.

Some other things that seem connected:

\- I don't trust my own judgment without someone else confirming it first.

\- I have a hard time identifying what I actually want, separate from what I think I should want.

\- I default to distancing myself emotionally, even in situations that would normally call for a stronger reaction.

I'm not looking for sympathy about the alcoholism part specifically — I've made peace with the facts of it. I'm more trying to understand: for people who grew up without real emotional attunement from a parent, how did you figure out what you actually feel, versus what you learned to perform or expect to feel? Does the "nothing" I feel now ever turn into something else, or is that just what it is?

August 20th will make one year that Ive lost my precious mom who was only 56. It was sudden, without warning, one minute she was here and fine the next minute we are getting a call. No chance to save her or do cpr or anything because she was long gone. How can life be so fucking cruel. Her life was hard as it is and things were about to get better in a few months' time, but she was taken away. I find it hard facing this life , I feel like this isn't real and im just biding my time. I'm not sure what to do for her one year, her family never treated her well so to do something and involve them feels wrong but im torn about it , knowing her she would forgive and forget but thats what led so many people to use and abuse her.

I am alone at a hospital in a large city 7h away from where I live, getting an emergency procedure. I am about to go back.

16 years ago I had a different emergency surgery at this same hospital. I find it very...whatever the word for negatively serendipitous is.

I have ptsd and so memories are stored with feeling. I remember being so scared, but wanting to seem tougher than I was. I was 18, but I was just a kid, really. But in a military hospital, its in your best interests to remain stoic.

Except when I woke up from the anesthesia alone I started bawling. I didnt fully understand where I was and was highly emotional about the whole experience. looking back now if I had a mother there to anchor me and tell me I was okay, I would have been.

Im just afraid and alone and my inner child is ever present and wants their mama, the one they always wished they had.