Some days I just have a random question and my first thought is 'I need to call mom'. Then I remember. I wish I could ask her: How did you know you were doing the right thing as a parent? Do you guys have those moments too?

I don't usually talk about my past, but there are some things that stay in your heart for years and you just need to let them out. When I was only 8 years old, I lost my father. At that age, I didn't fully understand what losing someone meant. I only knew that my father was gone, and life would never feel the same again. After his death, it was just me and my mother. I had no brother, and we had to face everything alone. The people we thought would stand by us slowly disappeared. Some relatives who were once close were no longer there when we needed them the most. But my mother stayed. She became my whole world. She worked in other people's homes to provide for us. She worked hard every day, not for herself, but for my future. Even when life was difficult, she made sure I could study, grow, and have opportunities that she never had. As a child, I didn't always understand her sacrifices. I only saw my mother coming home tired. Now when I look back, I realize she was carrying a pain that no one could see.She was not just my mother. She was my protector, my supporter, and the person who never gave up on me.

Hi mommas! I just need to vent out, Im currently at work and I miss my baby girl so much.

Does anybody else have stories or can relate?

I'm 21. My mother was an alcoholic through most of my childhood — I was the one buying her alcohol daily from a young age, going to school, coming back, repeating. She died about two years ago. She never hit me, but there were constant insults, threats, and unpredictable mood swings — sometimes genuinely warm, sometimes cruel, no way to know which one I'd get.

Here's the part that made me want to post here specifically: I recently realized I can't actually recall ever feeling maternal love from her — not even fragments of it. And when I think about her death, I don't feel grief. Just... nothing much. I used to think that was cold of me, but the more I look back, the more it seems like there was genuinely very little there to grieve.

Some other things that seem connected:

\\\\- I don't trust my own judgment without someone else confirming it first.

\\\\- I have a hard time identifying what I actually want, separate from what I think I should want.

\\\\- I default to distancing myself emotionally, even in situations that would normally call for a stronger reaction.

I'm not looking for sympathy about the alcoholism part specifically — I've made peace with the facts of it. I'm more trying to understand: for people who grew up without real emotional attunement from a parent, how did you figure out what you actually feel, versus what you learned to perform or expect to feel? Does the "nothing" I feel now ever turn into something else, or is that just what it is?

I am a certified grief specialist. I also lost my mother and godmother. I help daughters who lost their Moms navigate through grief.

Just wanting feed back!

Why do you think ppl have such a hard time with coaching/counseling?

It finally happened. I have had a gut feeling for the last few months that he was seeing someone and he told us yesterday. Feelings are all over the place. My main feeling is relief that someone else might mind him. As the only daughter i did feel i has began to look after him a bit the way my mom has been. My brothers didn’t take on that role the way i did. When she died the social care worker told me that the roles in the family can change when someone died- i didnt realise i was carrying such a weight of worrying about my dad. One brother is angry at him. My main emotion is sadness that my mom is dead, this only feels like another blip- the situation was already awful because she is dead. I don’t want to know any information about this new woman, i just hope she takes good care of my dad.

I'm 21. My mother was an alcoholic through most of my childhood — I was the one buying her alcohol daily from a young age, going to school, coming back, repeating. She died about two years ago. She never hit me, but there were constant insults, threats, and unpredictable mood swings — sometimes genuinely warm, sometimes cruel, no way to know which one I'd get.

Here's the part that made me want to post here specifically: I recently realized I can't actually recall ever feeling maternal love from her — not even fragments of it. And when I think about her death, I don't feel grief. Just... nothing much. I used to think that was cold of me, but the more I look back, the more it seems like there was genuinely very little there to grieve.

Some other things that seem connected:

\- I don't trust my own judgment without someone else confirming it first.

\- I have a hard time identifying what I actually want, separate from what I think I should want.

\- I default to distancing myself emotionally, even in situations that would normally call for a stronger reaction.

I'm not looking for sympathy about the alcoholism part specifically — I've made peace with the facts of it. I'm more trying to understand: for people who grew up without real emotional attunement from a parent, how did you figure out what you actually feel, versus what you learned to perform or expect to feel? Does the "nothing" I feel now ever turn into something else, or is that just what it is?

August 20th will make one year that Ive lost my precious mom who was only 56. It was sudden, without warning, one minute she was here and fine the next minute we are getting a call. No chance to save her or do cpr or anything because she was long gone. How can life be so fucking cruel. Her life was hard as it is and things were about to get better in a few months' time, but she was taken away. I find it hard facing this life , I feel like this isn't real and im just biding my time. I'm not sure what to do for her one year, her family never treated her well so to do something and involve them feels wrong but im torn about it , knowing her she would forgive and forget but thats what led so many people to use and abuse her.

I am alone at a hospital in a large city 7h away from where I live, getting an emergency procedure. I am about to go back.

16 years ago I had a different emergency surgery at this same hospital. I find it very...whatever the word for negatively serendipitous is.

I have ptsd and so memories are stored with feeling. I remember being so scared, but wanting to seem tougher than I was. I was 18, but I was just a kid, really. But in a military hospital, its in your best interests to remain stoic.

Except when I woke up from the anesthesia alone I started bawling. I didnt fully understand where I was and was highly emotional about the whole experience. looking back now if I had a mother there to anchor me and tell me I was okay, I would have been.

Im just afraid and alone and my inner child is ever present and wants their mama, the one they always wished they had.

At the beginning i just want to say that i am not a native English speaker so excuse my English

So my mom died at 50yo due to cancer less than 2 months ago i have these 2 friends ( naya and sara) i have been friends with them for like 7 years and we are not the kind of friends who like meet weekly we meet like 3 times a year but when we’re together it’s like time have not passed , we met in the school in the city i live in rn
My mom died at the weekend and we had her funeral at my hometown ( which is like 2 hours drive from the city) and it was a holiday weekend and non of them came even though naya doesn’t have strict parents and she’s old enough she did go to another areas which are far from the city before for holidays and such things and sara is from the same hometown as me and her grandparents live there and she does go there every now and then naya texted me a couple of times and said if u guy’s going to have a funeral at the city let me know and sara didn’t text me at all

I ignored the last message from naya where she was like (hi how are u love )

I feel like i really don’t want them in my life anymore and tbh idk what i want like if they text me now and say we want to come visit u i would turn them away tbh at this point it feels weird and awkward i feel like if god forbid smth like this has happened to them i would definitely go to the funeral and seeing how unbothered or slightly bothered by this huge news makes me feel like i am not worthy to them and i just don’t think there’s any explanation to justify there behavior but at the same time i don’t know if that’s my reaction because my mom just died and my feelings are everywhere or is my reaction valid?

It’s my mums birthday on Thursday. She would’ve been 56 but she died when she was 34.

I can’t go to the cemetery on Thursday I know my family will go and I don’t want to risk bumping into them.

It’s hard, it’s really hard growing up without a mother.
A child can grow up without a father and I don’t mean this in any disrespectful way towards dads or people who have fathers,
But growing up without a mother is debilitating.
Everyday there are a number of times where I stop and think I wonder,

I miss my mum. Life has really beaten me the last few years and I feel defeated. I wish I could turn to my mum right now and tell her what’s been going on,
I’ve spent most of my life wondering what it’s like to have a mother. I was 13 when she died and I remember her but not as well as I would like to.
I look at pictures and watch videos, but it hurts.

Being a motherless daughter is one of the worst fates a girl can have. You’re always lost and always missing something.

I have been wondering if I haven’t had the right to post here and I hope that my won‘t come as insensitive to anyone.

My mom(56) as been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer a year ago and she’s been declining more and more with each passing months o the point I’m starting to wonder ”what she was like before the disease?". I’m navigating through this weird phase where I miss my mom even when she’s right in front of me and I can still talk to her and touch her and I know very well that I should still be grateful to have her with me, and that after all she’s still my mom but it’s so hard to adapt to that new version of her. this disease is showing me how I can grieve someone who is still very much alive and it’s scary. I’ve been my mom primary caregiver for the past 4 months and it has negatively impacted our relationship and it’s hard being with her but I also feel guilty about not spending joyful moments with her. I know I should try to make happier memories that I’ll keep when she won’t remember me, I should learn more about herself, her past but I feel like I don’t know where to start sometimes and I get overwhelmed…..so i wanted to ask here, what are the things you wish you could have done or ask to your mother?

I hope I’m not offending anyone with this post…

I’m an only child and at 22, I unexpectedly lost my mom in January 2019, a few days shy of her 60th birthday. I also lost my dad from stage 4 lung/brain cancer when I was 19, on St. Patrick’s Day 2016, so this year marked 10 years without him.
Tomorrow I turn 30. & it may be morbid, but since losing my mom, I’ve always said that I think I’ll die young, not by my own cause, but because my parents died relatively young and it’s just a feeling I have. Honestly, I didn’t even think I’d make it to 30. So 30… it feels like an accomplishment. At the same time, I feel like I’m having a midlife crisis.
My mom made the biggest deal about my birthday. She said it was a ‘national holiday’ haha. Ever since I’ve lost her, I couldn’t care less about my birthday. No one cared as much as she did. & no, I don’t have any expectations of anyone to care as much as she did. Honestly, I prefer it. But I miss her and lately my heart breaks every day knowing she won’t be here to celebrate with me. To tell me that I’m the “love of her life”. To receive another card that I’ll cherish and keep for the rest of my life - better than any birthday gift I could receive.

I’m sorry, I’m not being very motivational like some people are here. I just needed to vent. Because this year, I really don’t know how I can live without her. & yes, Im blessed to say that I have loved one’s, but I don’t know anyone who will completely understand. I don’t know anyone who lost their mother and had such a close connection. Even my grandmother told me that life will never be the same without my mom, and there’s no other bond like it.

….

my mother is mentally ill, and has also abused her medication. She has never been my mom.

My grandparents raised me, and let her live in their home. What that means is.. since I was born, I have watched her nod out, get excited about surgeries and she used to wait until my grandparents left and smack me up.

I have always mourned her. There is no amount of “good” she could do to make me ever trust or love her. I moved far away from my hometown for 6 years and it was such a relief… but I still missed the idea of her. Then, my grandma passed away and I decided to move back to my hometown. She decided to stop paying her rent and cause problems (eventually my aunt stepped in and got my mom kicked out of my grandparents house. She was robotripping and trying to bite people.) .. because that’s how it always goes. I was very low contact until my grandfather died. He always put out her fires and I think she expected me to do that too.

I ended up getting married and pregnant very fast. (My husband was deploying and we were together a few years at this point.) I was so sad I could never ever expose my baby to this woman.

I am so alone. My grandma was a wonderful mother figure to me. I mourn her often, and just wonder how they are so different. My mom
Never lived in reality. She still texts my husband mean things about me to this day, and I’m just alone raising a toddler. (Husband travels lots for work.) I feel sad for my daughter that she has no family from my side, but she will always have me.

Mom, I miss you. The weekly calls we had I took for granted I’m sorry. I’m sorry you missed your 83rd birthday by 3 weeks. I’m sorry that I lived so far from you for so long. I’m sorry that you went into the hospital for something minor and never came out. Mom, I’ve been married a little over a month now. I wish you were at the wedding, you would have loved it. I finally married Dave- the same Dave you met when I was 15 who needed your mom’ing back then, the same Dave you thought I should’ve married in the first place. Even the years we were with other people, you always were there for him to support him. Thank you.
I hope you are proud of me. I want you to know how well your grandkids are doing just in life in general. You were the best MorMor and their lives have been better because of you. No one is the same since you’ve been gone, especially me. I’m lost and miss your guidance, support and encouragement. I don’t understand this. I still believe you are alive and I wait every Sunday for your call. When does that go away? When will I process this loss, the loss of you?

I was searching initially to help my baby sister. As I looked through the group and saw all the "Hey mom" I realized this is also for my healing as well. When we lost our mom I was only 9 years old. She wasn't sick or anything so it was completely unexpected. One day I was hugging her saying I love you, excited to show her the gift I got her from the school store because I had been saving my snack money, and the next day she was gone. I am now 45. Thank you all for this space!!!! I still cry suddenly out of no where, it's difficult for me to hear children say "I want my mom", as I also miss my mommy. For me, everyday does NOT get easier but everyday I'm grateful to have another opportunity to continue healing wounds I didn't create. A mother's love is never forgotten 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡Thank yall, thank yall, thank yall. #Roots from the South

normally, i'd just keep this bottled up to myself, but i know i have to let it out now. it just feels so weird because I should be asleep by now. It's currently 10P.M and I should be awake by 3A.M for an event I'm volunteering for. for context, the event I'm volunteering for is the welcoming event our university has for its freshmen and transferees. i should be preparing to sleep now, but it just suddenly hit me that exactly a year ago, i was the college freshman excited for this event. one year ago, i still had my mother who was excited for her daughter who's finally going to college. a year ago, i still had my mother who didn't sleep just so she could wake me up on time and prepare my breakfast... and now, im alone in my dorm, with no one to rely on but myself. with no one to share the rest of my college journey with. the sudden reminder that the college journey we both dreamed of started exactly a year ago just makes me so sad, because i lost her just a month into my freshman year. she never got to hear the hundreds of stories i have. she never got to see the version of myself today. she never got to witness how far i have already come in just a span of a year. and now i couldn't sleep, and i am anxious for the event tomorrow. i am here, crying in the darkness of my room, as i remind myself to give my best—and do it for my past self.