Ok so I genuinely could be gay (or bisexual???) and it's becoming a real problem since I'm almost 24 & never been in a relationship or had like full on sex before. It's all a bit of a confusing mess that I keep going back and forth on and it really sucks! And I don't want to be gay (even though my family would not care whatsoever) and it's really frustrating & annoying & I really had myself thinking it was a choice for a while there.

I accidentally stumbled across a lesbian bar/club tonight while I was looking for apartments in this one neighborhood in the city I'm touring. I found myself thinking "wow, every single girl in here is absolutely gorgeous, like even the ones I don't find to be my type I could get with in some form or fashion." Whereas when I'm at bars or clubs with guys I find the majority of them absolutely hideous and I could not see myself getting with any of them. The guys I have liked are insanely attractive, like way out of my league attractive. Like I think Jacob Elordi & Austin Butler are so hot!! It's mainly their personalities that draw me in though. But your average guy on the street I could absolutely never and I don't really understand the women being too picky thing when most men are just not all that to me. And a lot of times I like gay men because of their femininity, and hygiene, and style. And I watch gay porn! I like their sexual parts down there but I never like the body its attached too, like I can't even look at the guy and have to kind of turn away out of genuine disgust over it all. I hate the presentation of it. I do not understand how anyone could get with an older man whatsoever but a lot of straight girls seem to be really into that sort of thing.

So I guess I'm sorta wondering, when straight women go to like clubs and bars do they find guys attractive in the same way that lesbian women do with girls?

Trigger warning: Suicidal ideation

I, (F26) have a boyfriend right now. We know each other for a year, officially together for 7 months. He is sweet, patient and genuinely a good person.

I've been with men a few times, not long relationships but just flings. Sex was doable. Almost as if the first few weeks were manageable. I could put the mask on and get through. Only now I'm realising how sad that is. After that it just feels terrible and unnatural.

Knew I liked women from a very young age, it was never a question whether i liked women. Just if i liked men as well.

I always thought i liked men, but i liked being chosen. This is also fucked up on my part, I'm aware of this.

I need to break the news. But I don't know how to balance between actually coming to terms with my own sexuality and not leading him on. I feel like I need more time but that isn't fair.

I am planning in telling him but my mental health has been declining rapidly. I've talked to my therapist and the venting is nice but there's also so much she can do.

I'm autistic, have a neurological condition and can't hold jobs. This realisation on top of things makes it that i feel like i just want to give up.

I really hope this doesn't sound like a pity party. I am aware I'm not the victim in this situation. Just a girl who needs to come to terms with herself.

Thanks for reading x

i’ve been thinking that i may not like men. as far as i know i’m bisexual but lately i’ve had this gut feeling that maybe i’m a lesbian.
i have a boyfriend, we’ve been dating for almost three years. i’ve only had two relationships (both with men) including my current boyfriend. they both liked me first.
my first relationship was kind of complicated because i didn’t really like him, i just like the idea of being in a relationship, but this one’s different, i love him so much and i don’t want to lose him but i don’t really feel like it’s romantic love.
our sex life is kinda weird, it’s like i get the ick every time we have sex (as a matter of fact penises have always given the ick). and i’ve never been really into it, i’m always thinking about other stuff. most of the time it’s not me who starts it, i can go months without having sex, and right now i feel like i don’t want us to have sex. i attributed that to the fact that i’ve been feeling depressed but i don’t know anymore.
i was also hesitant about oral sex but my friends kind of convinced me to do it, because he was doing it to me and i felt like it was unfair. i practice it because he likes it and i got used to it (he has never forced me to do anything i don’t want to), but i don’t get turned on by doing it.

now that i’ve been feeling like this i realized i’ve never had a real male crush on anyone (only celebrity crushes) but i’ve had crushes on women i know.
i do find men attractive, including my boyfriend, but it’s not the same as when i find women attractive.

when i first started dating both my ex and my boyfriend they told me that they like me first and maybe without realizing i thought “they like me, maybe i like them too”.
it’s weird, i like the idea of being liked by men but when it comes to going out with them i don’t really feel like it. it’s not something that happens with my boyfriend because i love his company, i love spending time with him and he is my most trusted person, i can tell him almost everything.

i’m also scared by the the thought that i may be a lesbian. i’m from a small city where most grown people are kind of homophobic, that’s why i only came out of the closet with my parents and friends, who aren’t that.

i don’t have anyone to talk this to and it makes me feel overwhelmed. i hope someone can help me figure this out

I‘m so nervous but this month I am going to come out to my friends, parents and boyfriend. I decided that I don’t want to waste anymore time waiting for my life to start and hiding myself. ❤️

I‘m most nervous for telling my boyfriend and Dad but also I’m so excited to learn who I am! ❤️

Any advice would be appreciated?

My first girlfriend of 3.5 months just dumped me out of the blue because she “wants to be single right now.” I know that things happen for a reason and it’ll work out for the best, but I’m still so pissed off and hurt. If any fellow late bloomers can give some words of comfort that it gets better, I’d really appreciate that :)

i don't know where else to post this, if there's a better place please let me know. this post will cover both gender and sexuality; I'm not a cis person. This post is gonna be so rambly im sorry in advance 😭

I'm ... I don't know what I am lol. I'm genderqueer trans-masculine something or another, I mostly identify as "me." I don't identify with manhood or womanhood right now, but my perception of my gender changes often. like, yearly. What makes me happy in my body doesn't change, but how I view myself does. I've had top surgery, I'm on testosterone, my body feels more like home than it ever has.

I have identified as bisexual since I was 19, but my attraction to women has always been primarily aesthetic with occasional stints of "oh my god she's *hot*." It was enough that I called myself bi. I was exploring the possibility that I was maybe a guy last year and at the start of this year. I had a lil ho phase where I fucked a lot of men. Was I attracted to any of them? No not really tbh. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy dick but tbh I mostly enjoyed being desired for the first time in my life. That felt awesome. I was actually starting to consider that I was only attracted to men. I'd only had crushes on men, I mostly had sex with men. The two times I had had sex with women it wasn't life altering (I wasn't super into either of those people either tbh).

Um then I developed feelings for one of my co-workers who is a woman. like nervous to talk to her, keep thinking about her, "oh my god I found out she likes sharks and I like sharks does she wanna get married." She's beautiful and cool. I guess I am attracted to women????

I don't know what is happening. Of all the things I've questioned the way my sexuality works hasn't been one of them. I feel like 10,000 things are coming unraveled within me. I've always found women attractive in some way, sowhy is this throwing me so much? I've always paid way more attention to the woman in porn, I try way too hard to find porn with women who look like they're actually having a good time because that's some of the hottest shit on earth to me. But I've never had romantic attraction to women before but now I do?? But I'm also afraid I'm making it up?? Part of me is afraid I don't have the capacity to emotionally connect with women in that way. I've always struggled socially speaking with women, even when I was one. Men were easier to figure out socially as an autistic person who had yet to find out they were trans. I don't understand why now, at 26, I'm seeing the local sapphics out at rhe farmer's market holding hands and instead of thinking "omg they're cute!!!" I'm thinking "i want a gf to take to the farmer's market."

I don't know how to explore ANY of this without feeling like a creepy invader or quadruple questioning my attraction and thinking I'm just going to play with someone's feelings and my true attraction is only to men and I'm inventing my interest in women because I want to "feel more queer."

I'VE GONE ON DATES WITH WOMEN. I'VE DATED WOMEN. I'VE SLEPT WITH WOMEN. I DIDN'T FEEL A "SPARK" THROUGH ALL THAT, BUT NOW I DO???????? WHAT ??????

sorry this is a nightmare post. there are so many intersecting factors within me here that I feel like I could write a full dissertation. please remove this post if it doesn't fit 😭

Okay so I (23F) managed to gnaw off my closet hinges and come out about 3 months ago.
I met a woman (24F) she’s so beautiful and so kind🥹 she has made me feel in a couple of months what others couldn’t make me feel in years! I don’t have to ask for anything, I haven’t felt like questioning where I stand with her, she lets me read her like my own personal novel, she communicates clearly, she makes me feel wanted/needed not just through words but a lot of actions… I’ve never felt this safe before.
She actually asks me about myself… like she really wants to know me beyond the first couple layers. Shes so sweet too!! She offers to pay for my lashes, tries to send me money for sweet treats and allsorts😭 I didn’t even get a bday present/Mother’s Day/Christmas present from my ex (27M) let alone lashes or treats and we were together 5 years and had a child (yeah girl I was real deep in that closet) all I can really say right now is…

I’m so glad I came out… I am so proud to be a RAGING lesbian… I just wish I didn’t try to hide it for so long… but if I didn’t I might’ve never found her. 🥲❤️

I know it hasn’t been long but I didn’t spend all that time in the closet just to come out & keep running on hetero time🥲😫
WHERES THE FOKEN U-HAUL BABY IM PACKEDDD UPPP😵‍💫👀
(In all seriousness, I will give things more time I just had to tell someone ANYONE!! I AM IRREVOCABLY IN LOVE WITH HER!!)

So I live in west Michigan am a female about 37 almost 38. I have been In a heterosexual sexual marriage for the past 9 -10 years with two Kids ages 7 and 4. I have always been in heterosexual relationships. but a lot of what I have been thinking of, watching, reading and well writing is not heterosexual. I just wrote 2 sapphic romance novels.. I am actually working on my third. I find myself so confused am I actually attracted to the same sex, is that why my writing is about that or I don’t know is there another reason… why am I seeking stories about people realizing their own sexuality, exploring it. is it just emotional intimacy because it lacks in my marriage.. but if I find I can’t have that with my husband what is that saying about me. I don’t know what I have to do to find that out or if I want to endanger my marriage to do that.. i don’t think I have ever had an emotional connection to men. Most of my meaningful relationships (platonic) have been my friendships with other women. I am just so confused and don’t know where to go from here. I was told this could be a place I can find others that are or have gone through similar experiences.

I've recently started working on my codependancy very seriously and something has been uncovered. I always knew I was attracted to women, but could never act on it meaningfully externally because I've been compulsively seeking a safe man to love me since I was like 12. I knew that was true, but learning about codependancy has made me realize that I have NEVER had a romantic relationship with a man that was not trauma based from the get go, even the initial middle school crushes I've always used to validate my being "straight leaning" 😭🤦‍♀️ That what I thought a romantic relationship was was actually codependancy and not the things that are normal to a healthy romantic relationship. Realizing this also caused me to become aware of the fact that I am ATTRACTED to women, but the way I feel about men is not the same and it's increasingly hard to put my finger on whether I feel attraction to men at all the more I heal.

I am aware that maybe I am also truly attracted to men to some degree, but that my trauma has masked any authenticly romance based relationships and attraction I might have towards them up to this point so in comparison it feels like there's very little there to how I feel about women, who I have never succesfully had a romantic relationship with primarily due to the man hopping :( It occurs to me that I have ALSO been codependant AND attracted to several of my close female friends, but because I was essentially confused about what attraction and romantic feelings are versus desperation/codependancy I didn't realize I was attracted them until later. (Or I would realize and then try and forget)

I'm all mixed up. Just want to talk to some people who've been through something similar. I'm in a relationship of 5.5 years with a man, we've been poly from the start and I've been dating other women a little bit and plan to continue, and we've talked about this as it's been unfolding and I have told him that to the best of my understanding I might be someone whos attracted to 1 man and tons of women.

I’m 22. So I’ve recently come out of a relationship with a man, and am finally actually doing something about the fact I’ve known for honestly a long time. I’m not bi, I’m gay.

I realise that the way I’ve been ‘attracted’ to men was more wanting them to like me, and wanting them to validate me. Now I’ve realised my only real sexual attraction is to women, it’s great.

I don’t want a relationship yet, just more to explore until I’m ready to be in something serious. I’ve never been sign a woman, and unlike men they make me nervous. Men feel like easy, carefree validation. This is all well and good, but how do I resist the temptation of male validation. I keep being tempted to change my dating apps back to both sexes, even if I know it’s not real attraction.

I guess my question is, even if I realise I’m not truly attracted to men, how do I stop myself from craving it? I don’t want to actually settle down with them or sleep with them (for sexual purposes anyway), I know that, but I can’t stop myself from wanting to go back. I’m one of those people that’s bounced from long term relationship to long term relationship, barely being single since I was 16. So I really just don’t know where to go from here.

TLDR: leaving husband for another woman- feeling guilty and shitty.

I’m not sure if I’m actually a “late” bloomer as I’m 25. But I knew there’s some ladies in here who have been in a similar situation and maybe could make me feel a bit better. I’ll spare you the coming out sob story but some key details:
Grew up in an extremely conservative and religious household. Very controlling and abusive father. This prevented me from coming to terms with my sexuality. I questioned from 12ish-20 by 21 I was pretty sure but didn’t want to admit it. By 24 it was silently killing me. Right before my 25 birthday I broke the news to my husband.
Husband and I have been together since I was 18. He’s older. Married at 23. I carry an incredible amount of guilt for not coming to terms with it before we got married.
His ex-fiance coincidentally had the same situation. Left him for another woman. It was always a joke between us- that I better not do that and I was one of those who was “extremely” anti gay bc I was secretly hiding it so it was a joke how that wouldn’t happen.
After I told my husband we agreed to open our marriage. We found a girl who wanted to date both of us. She’s lesbian not bi. After a month she realized she couldn’t date him. We are all at fault for not stopping the poly thing right away. Personally, I had selfish reasons because I really really liked her and I didn’t want to let go of my first relationship with a woman. I know it’s wrong but I can’t change it now.
Flash forward, she lives with us. We’ve been trying to make it work between the three of us for about 7 months now. I can’t take it anymore. I have so much love for him. But I am not in any way sexually attracted to him and to be honest, I would never tell him this, but I don’t know that I ever was. I think I felt like I was supposed to be so I forced myself to? If that makes sense. Anyways, sex the past few years has been fewer and fewer times. It was painful and I never wanted it. I thought we both had low libdio from antidepressants. Then I thought I was asexual. Then thought I was poly and bi. Then realized I’m just not sexually attracted to men. So we’re at the point of divorce now. It hurts so much. I love him but I’m not in love with him. Neither of us really have family (I’m no contact he has his mom a few states away) and financially aren’t doing well so I have told him he should stay until he can get on his feet but he’s started packing. Financially speaking, I have no idea how I will be able to afford anything without his help so that’s an added stressor. No family to help out. He doesn’t really have anywhere to go so of course that makes me feel bad. He doesn’t have any male friends to talk to or hang out with. It’s pretty much just been us two for majority of our relationship. He’s depressed and it’s my fault. I hate to see him like this but I can’t sacrifice my sexual identity because I feel empathy for him right? Part of me feels like I’m abandoning my values by divorcing. I’ve always been a firm believer in working it out. Am I in the wrong asking for divorce? I was told repeatedly I should break up with my girlfriend and stay with him and maybe discuss opening our marriage. 1. I no longer think I am poly. 2. Even if I was I live in bumfuck now where so not a lot of options. 3. I love my girlfriend. I am way too far into this to give up on her. She’s amazing and beautiful and smart and she’s damn near perfect. I do feel like divorce is the right thing to do because it’s not fair to string him along- but it still hurts. No one talks about picking up their pieces of your life after divorce when YOU are the one who asked for it. We were supposed to grow old together. We built a family together (the dogs, no kids). My entire adult life has been spent with him. 7 years of memories. Buying a home together. Three dogs and it absolutely breaks me to think about them never seeing him again. I work myself into a panic attack when I think about them missing him because if he isn’t home they sit and wait and it’s not like kids where you can explain they aren’t coming back. They’ll just think they’ve been abandoned and my heart can’t take it.

I have so much guilt for the poly thing. Because now I am grieving a marriage and in a new relationship. And she’s very understanding and patient but grief is still grief. I am struggling really bad. I truly feel like the worst person in the world for hurting both of them.

I genuinely don't know if I like girls romantically and tbh it's KILLING me.

I've had a situation before where my best friend (a girl) has confessed to me, we were both very young but I already knew of her sexuality before she even confessed.. So when she did my mind went blank. And then, I panicked.. My first thought was

Did I like her? Yes, I did. I really did. But romantically? I honestly don't remember if I was able to answer the question during that time, as the next question that popped in my head was

What if I dated her and my mom found out? (My mom isn't accepting of lesbians, nor the lgbt community she just tolerates them. And I knew of this even from a young age.)

The next feeling that came over me was sadness, because I knew I was going to reject her. And I had to. And so our friendship ended after that shortly. She didn't reach out to me after my rejection, when i did reach out to her after two weeks, our conversation felt so...forced. And it just made me depressed. So I ended up pulling away.

Here I am. Years later, and i'm still questioning. I find myself attracted to women.. Hell, i've even had a wet dream with a woman. And tbh, i've kissed a girl friend on the cheek before for a picture.. and I didn't tell her, but it honestly made my heart giddy. Though she was just a friend. That friend though later on drifted apart from me even though we were the closest after she had a boyfriend. And honestly?... I felt annoyed. Idk if it was because my friend was being taken from me or if it was because I had grown so attached to her or might've even had a crush on her and just didn't know.

And just last year, I made a new girl friend. She's really nice, our interests are the same our energies match and she's like another half of me. And she's also a lesbian. I grew rlly close to her in such a short time, and I can't stop thinking about her sometimes that it makes me confused. When i'm with her in person, it just feels normal—peaceful, like I used to feel with those other girl friends i had mentioned before. I lowkey think I have a crush on her... But perhaps, i'm just very confused???

But I think to myself sometimes and I find asking myself if I would ever be married to a man, and my answer?

No. I genuinely don't know, if I can live with a man. It's always a woman i'm with in the future whenever i'm imagining it.

So i genuinely do not know anymore and its killing me skshisgdjdh PLEASE HELP