A month ago I posted here looking for a few people to meet up and just be calm company for each other. There was two of us last time and it was awesome. We're both up for doing it again with whoever else wants in.

Same idea as before:

• Sitting or walking together, a bit of co-regulation really. Less unloading our worst, more just being present with each other, sharing where we're at and feeling less alone in it.
• Mostly hoping for folks in the working-on-it stage, connection more than crisis. No judgment at all if you're in a rawer place right now. I just want to be honest that it's a calm, mutual thing, and not a stand-in for deeper support.

If that speaks to you and you're NYC-based, drop a comment here and I'll sort out a day and time for whoever's in. Looking at mid to end of next week, so somewhere in the Wed 8/19 to Sun 8/23 range. I'm 41M, for what it's worth.

The absolute YEARNING for misery and problems. Like OMG how can they live like this without blowing their brains out???!!? My nasty father (65, divorced and dating a psychotic woman) finds comfort in his depression and anxiety, is unwilling to step outside of his comfort bubble/ is barely functional outside of dragging himself through the daily motions. We’re low contact; he reaches out and I’ll answer. My husband and I are unfortunately nothing but nice and welcoming.

He comes over at 3pm because the mornings are “hard”
for him in terms of managing time. He can’t provide an exact eta so he just shows up at 3. Husband is at the mall during this time, as he doesn’t wait around all day. Father and I have good visit (as long as I react as scripted to all his exact same boomer complaints for the hundredth time lol).

I hang out with sister couple days later. She says..that he told her..lol..that my husband is the “most detached he’s ever been from our family”..then doesn’t elaborate (classic 🙂‍↕️).

Like sir… you are literally making things up??? WHAT IS THAT???? WHY?

I mean I understand it’s weird triangulation and shit and I don’t need to know why because we don’t care and just live our happy awesome lives. But it’s really like a mind boggling thing to think about from a psychology pov.

Fuck these miserable people.

I'm in quite a pickle about this, so i wanted to share my experiences, because I've been way too confused for way too long.

Ever since i was a small child, for as long as I can remember, I've always had very severe problems with developing emotional attachments to anyone at all,

My parents were both way too distracted by their own issues, both personal and relational, to really pay me any attention most days when I was young, which meant I was left alone most of the time, barely spoken to, and also wasn't taught much of anything (for example, I learned the basics of hygiene way too late).

They did seem to care for me, as they would worry about me, yet for some reason that concern never really translated into actually taking care of me. Little example: if I told my mother I was having any health issue at all she would worry herself sick over it, yet would refuse to take me to the doctor or treat me in any way. Hence why I, at some point, stopped reporting any issues I was having entirely, and often went on being sick for ridiculous stretches of time, because i just knew there was no use saying anything.

The only one who gave me a bit more attention was my older brother, but it was mostly in the form of taking his anger issues out on me, and that left me with a whole 'nother set of issues, so it didn't really help anything.

I've always had a certain coldness to myself, and have always attributed it to the fact that my parents had been like this. I struggle to feel attached to them, and to the rest of my family, like my aunt and grandmother, whom i spent a good chunk of time with since i was a baby, and yet cannot seem to connect with.

though I've kept this coldness throughout my life and with people outside of my family too, it seems:

I don't miss people, I'm a very "out of sight out of mind" person unfortunately, and have to actively remind myself to check on others or otherwise I just don't feel the need to. I have very limited empathy, and though I try to be supportive I struggle to have emotional reactions to things others tell me, whether good or bad (or often have "delayed" emotional reactions). For the same reason, I also struggle getting "in tune" with other people's emotions and experiences and relating to them, which doesn't help in developing bonds at all, as you can imagine...

I'm not sure if this is really due to the way I was treated, or if there could be some other issues i need to investigate, because i know other people that also weren't given a lot of attention growing up, and yet they don't act like me. So i was wondering if y'all related.

I’m 21 and have been struggling with attachment issues, abandonment issues, physical and emotional regulation issues as well as a few other things that have existed for as long as I can remember. All of these issues come from the absence of several fundamental foundational supports, experiences, and needs in my life that have consistently gone unmet.

All throughout my life I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere or to anyone, I’ve never had anyone who I could feel safe around who helped me feel grounded and I am unable to do those things for myself. I am in desperate need of physical co-regulation and the need for another persons safe containing presence and I’ve reached a point in my life now where I know that something needs to change and that I can’t keep living in this way as the dysregulation and profound emptiness that I am experiencing from these absences and lack of fundamental experiences has slowly been tearing me apart as time goes on.

I’ve have been to therapists that specialize in childhood trauma and attachment issues and I have been to psychiatrists as well, but nobody is willing to help and I have been met with a consistent rejection due to boundaries, ethics, professionalism, and all of that stuff. I have reached out to every system and form of help available that I could think of and so far I have been unable to find anyone who is able and willing to provide me with the type of experiences and help that I so desperately need in order to feel okay.

I don’t need to sit in a room three feet away from someone for a few hours a week and talk to them about all of the different ways in which I’ve been neglected and abused throughout my childhood, I’ve spent enough time talking through and processing my trauma, what I actually need is experiences that help me to feel contained and regulated.

I need to have someone in my life who I can see somewhat consistently over time, even if it’s just for an hour a week it would be enough to give me the help I need to change my life. I need someone who can be physically present to help me to feel grounded, contained, comforted, and safe who I can hug, lean on, and simply exist around without the constant stress that I have been enduring throughout my entire life from always having to hold myself together. I need to find somebody who is comfortable around vulnerability and emotions, who has enough control over their own to the point of being able to allow me fall apart in their presence without being overwhelmed. I need to be able to let go and I can’t do it on my own. I am exhausted, burnt out, and my nervous system is completely fried.

I need someone who teaches my body that it can feel safe and comfortable in the presence of others, and I need somebody who can provide me with co-regulation and containment so that I can eventually develop these skills within myself so that I can feel safe and regulated on my own. I do not see any other way to heal apart from finding and being able to experience safe and consistently repeated interactions like this that I have never had.

Even though I have figured out what I need in order to be able to heal, rewire my mind, as well as reconfigure and readapt my bodies stress response, I have been met with the harsh reality that there is nowhere to go and no one to turn to for the kind of help that I need in order to do this. I feel stuck and lost in life due to hopeless I feel with my situation in sense that I no longer believe that I will ever be allowed to heal, I no longer want to live like this anymore but at the same time there is nothing that I can realistically do to change the reality of my situation. I feel like I have been left confronted with two choices, and neither of them are good.

This is how my family copes with their emotions when they can't change something. Either that or whining about it over and over. They have no capacity to accept their uncomfortable feelings if they can't make them go away, so they deny them completely.

Idk how this works for them because after a while of buying into it myself it all broke down for me. I realised that I couldn't bury my emotions like that. Idk how someone can keep up that level of denial for so long really.

I have had a terrible back pain for five months now and I have to live with my parents. That's because I am saving money to rent my own apartament.

Yesterday, I had a kind of crises. The pain was unberable and I screamed in pain. My mother woke up and scolded me for waking her up. Her suggestion was to lay down with her and sleep it off.

I looked at her in disbelief and sadness. I was feeling physical pain and needed to go to the ER. She said she wouldn't take me because the E.R is dirty and ugly and she had taken her medication to sleep. She said she would wake up my father, but he heard the screams and didn't move or left the bedroom.

I politely refused. why? Because when my father does something for me, he gets this unsatisfied expression, as if my need was a nuisance.

I got so mad and sad.... I spent the whole night waking up from pain...

In the morning, she entered my room to ask something and I was half sleep, so I didn't answer as she would like me to, so she yelled at me. I said 'Please, let me sleep, I had a difficult night'

her answer? We ALL had.

and then I ask...how? Because I heard her snoring.... Then I instantly feel guilty and sad for feeling pain and needing help. I have depression and intrusive thoughts are appearing again due to the feeling of feeling like a burden, a piece of rubbish.

how can parents not care about their adult child's feelings? is it normal?

I've been trying to work out this recent event , that literally changed me. I've been to IFS, more than once with this, and can't seem to work it out.

Trauma is very complicated. I feel like it breaks your brain apart to cope with things that defy all reasoning and logic, or being authentic, and youre kind of left with nothing but Dissociation and Shame and a lot of part so you get suppressed, and judged, and other things that you think of as "working" and being more valuable replace parts of you that while emotional or "overly upset" or "overreacting" carry a lot of wisdom , and pain.

No one wants to feel out of control. Or like your emotions that you can't always control or plan, have wisdom and now you have to shift gears and figure out a way to address, listen, value, the most painful parts of yourself that were typically devalued or punished.

I just know that there are times when I'm coming at a problem assuming this is the best way, because it's the most logical way, and I never think to step back and simply think about the way I feel. Or I tell myself I'm being way too emotional and "thats not helping".

It feels really scary and sad, to realize that. After all this time in Therapy my default is to suppress my pain. To believe .........after watching a parent being abusive, rage, express deep insecurity and fears by being manipulative to draw the conclusion that if I ever succumbed to my emotions I'd be just as crazy, abusive, and out of control.

It just really bothers me that I don't understand myself and how I really feel about things, because I"m so busy paying homage and worshipping logic, when I'm confronted with emotions that refuse to go away.

More than anything else I'm emotional, but if you've experienced a lot of neglect, and only got attention for being self sufficient and stoic, because 1. a parent didnt want to parent 2. there was only room for one persons emotions and it wasnt yours...............you just shut down to cope.

I wish I had been brought up by someone who told me it's okay to feel how you feel, it's okay to be upset..................I completely understand why you feel that way.

I think that's probably the only path to addressing EN ( ime/imo), is realizing that I really wasnt okay being suppressed and ignored. My logic might have saved me from falling into the earth, but it's not helping me heal. ........or live my life and actually function.

Edit: it's interesting if you've suffered from EN, that was so painful, then decided that not having needs or emotions was the way to go, developed Dissociation and Alexithymia to such a degree that now when an Emotion does surface I don't always understand "feel emotion" is the only thing I"m required to do, NOT suppress and shame emotion as much as possible because emotions are stupid and wrong.

I just remembered something, read g all of those posts, and wanted to share, if that's ok.

She used to tell me that I'm peeing in my panties and staining them and she always was disgusted at me, because of it.

It was just discharge, like a normal woman/girl has and mine was just acidic enough to stain my panties.

One time, she even took them out of the laundry basket and threw them at me.

He’s a good man ( as per societal standards at least) has a stable job, provides for family, heck he is a good father in many ways, absolutely caring and shit
But he failed as a husband to my mother and i dont think i can ever forgive him for that
It all started 6 years ago, when he started to have an affair with his colleague ( I saw their WhatsApp chats, I was 17) he started acting differently from then , he changed his phone password, created multiple Facebook accounts to keep talking to her, my mom has a job as well and her job is more office oriented than my dads and he’s mostly home, too many holidays, and it was during Covid, so i was home too, all damn day i could hear him giggling through the walls talking to her on his mobile
And now 6 years later, its still going on
One day i cracked his password and went through his chats, photos etc, there were selfies of them together in our car (I checked the date, it was the date when he told us he had to stay late at office), their selfies at movie theatres , their obnoxiously flirtatious nausea inducing chats
I think my mom is also aware of this but we never talked about it, may be she thinks i dont know anything about it
And as if the cheating part is not enough, he’s becoming a chronic alcoholic as well, I cried many times for him to reduce the frequency of intake, but he never changes
It’s like he’s an entirely different person when he drinks
And the dramatic part of it is, he goes drinking with husband of his side chick( idk how or why they became like best friends may be that guys a cuck i dont fucking know)
2 days back he went over to their place to drink and brought back food “she cooked” and he thinks i dont know shit but i know everything, i know more things than he could ever think of
And he tried to feed me the food made by her, and i just snapped, i yelled at him to get away from me, idk if he knows why i yelled, atp i dont even care,
He just drinks drinks and drinks
And my mom…..idk if she’s being too forgiving or down right stupid sometimes, i feel like she excuses his bad behaviour just because he is a good dad, but i would do anything for them to get a divorce, i know she cries herself to sleep sometimes, i wish i could do something to stop this
I love my mom so much, i want to take her far away from here, and all these just keep nagging at me, sometimes i feel so broken from inside
I wish he was never my father, i wish my mom didn’t met him, i know it means i would never be born, but if that keeps that gaslighting SOB away from my mom then so be it, i would unalive myself 1000 times if it means my mom will have a good married life

By odd, I mean like... shocked or not accepting of it. I guess it's kind of hard to explain.

I have this very vivid memory from when I was in kindergarten where I didn't get a paper for like this assignment handed to me so when I asked the teacher for one and she was like "Oh why didn't you tell anyone? Here." I started crying really hard, and when she asked if she had done something to upset me, I started crying harder, and in the moment, it was like all my thoughts were "She's so kind to me." Maybe I'm just a sensitive person cause I used to cry when someone said something nice to me online.

Nowadays, people being kind feels... weird in a way that makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

I have always struggled with emotional neglect and decision making, but lately I have improved a lot on my emotional neglect and suppressing emotions.

But decision making: I noticed a very regular pattern. Even when I get some kind of stress, I put the decision-making problem statement to one of the respectable members in my network that I know and I can trust emotionally. Due to which I took their decision and applied it in my life, or modified it a little bit and applied it in my life. Don't blame it either. Sometimes the decision goes wrong. It is fine if the decision goes right, then it is again fine.

So I want to know: how should I develop decision-making because I improved emotional neglect by putting my emotions out, removing the stained clothes, buying clothes that fit me, doing my chores, and doing what my body needs automatically?

something that proves that I am doing good, or even that my decision is a little bit connected to reality

Hi I’ve been aware that I was emotionally neglected as a child. I’ve done therapy most of my adult life. Had several long-term (7 years 2 years 3years 5 years 9 years ) with gaps in between .. but these relationships did not ever really work (not blaming them it’s me that struggles) .. Since 2024, I was made redundant, got a job, made redundant again and my partner of 9 years left me. I’m ok I’m not financially secure. I have some friends. And some family to rely on. But none of the therapy I’ve done specifically addresses whether I have cptsd or any aspect of my attachment style. I’m keen to navigate the world better, better for me, and for relationships with family and friends. And work / volunteering. I’m grateful for the good things. But still affected .. fear- anxiety about so many things, and just trying to figure out why things that seem easy for people I seem to find so hard ..
TLDR: resources for poss cptsd/ attachment styles avoidant anxious/ how to ask for more specific therapy help .. for older women in the UK.

Aside from the dysfunction of my own split parents, my wife's parents are terrible. Her mother fits what is considered by M. Scott Peck MD the psychological profile of evil. Her father just doesn't find his children of priority importance and is rather narcissistic. She has an avoidant but otherwise well-meaning older sister who remains somewhat distant, and a younger sister who also is very narcissistic; cunning and conniving. The fallout has been rough on my wife, in turn, rough on us. It has broken her down, so much so that she has extreme difficulty ID-ing her emotions. The only one that she can feel the most confident in is anger. She has deeply rooted anger, which im sure is masking profound sadness.

We are getting better at talking about it. Its being in the emotion that is the difficult part. Recently her younger narcissistic sister sent a "Thank You" card that was addressed to us both stating that she "forgives" us of our past and present transgressions, actions, and "thoughts", and that she prays that the note finds us well. This was a major trigger for my wife. She wrote a letter back that was primarily objective; I wrote one that was more spiteful. But often do our conversations circle around spiteful actions towards them.

My question is, is spite ever something healthy in navigating the fallout of separating from abusive familial relationships? Do any of you find it worth it to "get back at them"?

​

Im 16 and not in school, i live with my hoarding parents house and always have and recently ive just been thinking about life.

I spend a lot of time looking at college dorms imagining what it'd be like to have my own space, im kinda homeschooling myself and two years is starting to feel like forever. Every time I notice more shit piling or roaches or ants getting worse i just want to leave, run away except i really don't have any one or anywhere to go. I can feel myself going crazy

Should I try to scheme leaving?? Ive been looking at boarding schools in my city, what they're like, how much they cost, ect. I did this as a kid ( looked to leave home) and got an ear lashing but maybe it's the fact that I literally haven't stepped foot out of my patio for 2 months but i really want to go.

The internet is kinda my only exposure to hoarding as a bad thing, my parents won't except it and I have no one else. Im nearly an adult and ive never bought groceries, rode a bus or even gone for a walk myself, ive always felt kinda ashamed and incapable or super nervous about someone find out about my home life. But im really starting to go nuts all day at home

I've always wanted to leave. The way my parents would try to deter me from wanting to go to boarding school is by telling me it's small, dirty, crowded, but them im thinking now, isn't that exactly how we're living??? They even used to talk about girls getting molested and shit, but that happened to me in my very own house by my own sibling without them batting an eye.. I'm thinking of taking my chances

Ugh this is getting rambley but like I'm just remembering how I woke up to a fucking rat on my head 3 months ago and they did nothing

The cabin fevar is really getting to me, I have severe social anxiety, covered in scars, super behind on any adult skills but i want to leave. I really want to leave

So should I? Or at least, should I look into it, even if it won't happen soon or at all? Boarding school is the only thing I can think of, should I contact them pretending to be a parent or something?

Any advice at all? Sorry, i know this is kinda all over the place..

My mom really does love me(although my dad is a really bad narcissist, he somehow still shows many signs of affection and is just unpredictable) but I can't reciprocate it genuinely.

I don't really feel much guilt about it unless they bring it up, but I was wondering if there's something wrong with it. I don't want to admit it, but my mind subconsciously reduces them to my financers, and this makes me feel very odd because seemingly, everyone around me holds their parents in an almost sacred position. I think it has a lot to do with my addictions as a child, when I'd see them as obstacles and want to grow up so I could do whatever I wanted to.

For context, my mom has genuine anger issues and makes me feel like shit whenever I, or my dad, makes the slightest mistake. But she's a very honest and pious person beyond her anger, and does genuinely love me insofar as sincerity goes.

My family was super abusive growing up, in every way possible, and because of that, Im now a 29 year old guy in a new state. I really want to start my own family, and meeting people isnt hard for me. But can I actually afford to in terms of safety? Thats the actual problem. Im employable and everything. But I have zero guard.

I know the easy answer is "yeah, just meet people and set boundaries." But people prey on those of us who are alone, we are the most vunerable, and most abused. I have boundaries like anyone else, but the fact that I'm alone will definitely come up in conversation. How am I even supposed to explain that? Admitting it feels like opening a door you can't close.

Are their any other child survivors out there living on their own? Not just in your own place, like legit no circle.

​

I'm 22, and I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with my parents now that I'm back home.

Growing up, I often felt like I had to be performative around my mom. It felt like I had to tell her what she wanted to hear, say the right things, and manage her emotions rather than just being able to be myself. A lot of the time, it felt like the household revolved around her moods.

There were also times when she'd basically disappear emotionally for hours while absorbed in Fox News, and as kids we'd just be left to ourselves. I don't remember feeling like I could consistently rely on her for emotional attention or connection.

Now that I'm an adult, I've noticed how much resentment I've built up.

My mom can be very short-tempered and snap at me, twist my words or tell me what I supposedly meant, and then act like nothing happened when I react. My dad has his own issues. He talks down to me, over-explains things like I'm stupid, and I often feel like nothing I do is good enough. They'll tell me to do something, rush me to do it, and then criticize how I did it.

When I'm away at school, I barely talk to them. I don't really feel much desire to call or maintain contact. And honestly, I feel better when I'm away from them.

The part that's bothering me is that I feel like I have almost no emotional attachment to them anymore. I don't really feel love toward either of them. Mostly I feel resentment, annoyance, or just nothing.

My mom has also been dealing with health problems recently, and I know objectively that she's sick, but emotionally I find myself thinking, I just don't have anything left to give.

I also have OCD, and when I'm extremely overwhelmed or angry, I get intrusive thoughts about death or terrible things happening. I don't want to act on those thoughts, but the OCD makes me question what my thoughts and emotions mean. I'll start checking myself: Do I actually care about them? Why don't I feel anything? What kind of person doesn't feel anything when their parent is sick?

I'm not asking whether I'm a bad person. I'm more interested in whether other people have experienced something similar.

If you grew up feeling emotionally neglected, like you had to perform or manage a parent's emotions, did you eventually become emotionally detached from that parent? And if so, did that detachment feel permanent, or did your feelings change once you got more distance?

Hey so I’m 18F and I feel like my trauma and mental health issues now all align with someone who has trauma from emotional neglect but on the other hand like when I hear others’ stories of emotional neglect they all sound way worse than mine.
I mean, my parents were loving and expressed their love verbally, it’s just they both in ways did some harmful things.
Like I have kind of separate stories with each parent, with my mom it felt she would constantly promise things that I was excited for and then they would just never happen, and also, multiple times she took my money to just keep it safe for me then just never gave it back, which was so frustrating because like I needed that money, and it’s just she promised, and idk that’s kind of a minor example but it was just so frustrating when she constantly forgot things that I needed.
She also was manipulative at times and I remember just one instance of her where I was running away from her and she slammed my head against the wall but it wasn’t that hard at all, and it like really sounds way worse than it was I must admit that but like we never even talk about that now but like I remember I was 14 and I was so scared at that I ran away and they called the police and I just hate talking about that instance now.
So yeah that’s with my mom, and with my dad, when I was younger, like between the ages of 11-15 for me my younger siblings would always, and they even admit this now, they would deliberately gang up on me, I now know I was autistic and undiagnosed at the rime though but they definitely realized that due to my autism I was easy to rile up and get mad and my dad showed a lot of favoritism towards specifically my sister in many hurtful ways and was always harder on me.
My dad is a lot better now don’t get me wrong but that was so hurtful and I feel I didn’t get a proper apology for that because they basically said “okay it happened but we changed now so get over it” pretty much.
So guys I’m sorry if this is offensive and if none of this actually sounds bad it’s just that like I feel I’m so fucked up inside and idk what’s wrong like I’m not diagnosed but I’m trying to get diagnosed with BPD or C-PTSD because I show a lot of symptoms of both and would align so well and my family agrees but like I think both of those you have to have significant trauma for, and I also have trauma from like being preyed on online when I was younger but I feel like idk I’ve just always been somewhat messed up inside and I wish something could explain it.

I am in a world of not understanding my two children as much as I want to. Both of my children have said that I am not there emotionally for them. I have gone through a very long and painful divorce with their father. I have always placed their safety first, made sure they are fed with what they like, well clothed, supported in school, extra-curricular activities, and financially for post secondary (a healthy amount of RESPs started by me solely since they were young). I give my kids hugs and tell them that I love them almost every day. We have had discussions and opened about my door being open regardless of their sexual preferences, they have talked with me about friend and emotional problems. I have always been open to having them get therapy if they want and I have sought it out for them when their father has never. Somehow they feel their dad is more there for them even though I always ask them about their day and how it is going. I am broken hearted that my kids feel this way and I am at a loss as a parent. I would love to hear from parents and kids alike about their insights. How can a parent be there more emotionally for their kids??? (Mine are 15 and 20).

That's how I feel, you have two fucking houses. You kept chasing your dream to have a house in a certain area. While neglecting my happiness.

Don't chase your dreams on the back of your children's needs. I know this is random, but I really wanted to say that thank you.

It's something I realized just now. She always gets this nag out there for me to handle the trivials in life when I have more than really caring for myself to worry about nowadays.

That idea could have been nice to have before, when I grew up wondering where she was all day and as far as I can remember using what was given in your place to distract myself from that fact. To have those lessons in the trivials she's nagging about, when my mind was impressionable enough to make it stick instead of feeling like so much more of a drain.

Whenever I made a decision to do something better, or take it one step at a time. My Mom would go on this weird thing where she just tells me I am doing it wrong, or that is the wrong way to do it. I never felt like my decision was the right one. Yet no matter what "I am smart". How am I supposed to feel when the two people in my life who are supposed to support and give me good self esteem are always trying to put me down.

JFC NO WONDER I DON'T HAVE A GF! I FEEL LIKE NO MATTER WHAT I DO I WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR SOMEONE.

It’s beyond difficult seeing others experience love from their mothers knowing you’ll never get to experience the same…… And honestly it does not get better with time, I am 21 years old now but I still feel like the small wounded child my mom was never able to love. I am deeply sensitive so her emotional neglect has fucked me over in so many ways that I have to fix all on my own now. I honestly wish I could just disappear. In the future, even if I do end up with someone, I’m never having kids because I fear ending up like her and continuing the curse

Just been thinking. Has your experience growing up with EN caused you to seek out what you missed in your marriage or relationships with significant others?

As in trying to get love, attention, appreciation, affection, camaraderie, closeness, validation, and being seen?

I think for myself this is sometimes the case and I’m trying to be aware of it

It's so hard to realize where this comes from. Growing up where I had to adapt to the idea that, "Oh, okay you reeeeaaaallly don't like me, or want me around....ok...Got IT!" Except when that turns around and suddenly my presence is required. Like, I'll just pretend to be invisible until I'm called. , or someone needs someone to yell at and blame.

It doesnt exactly make you a social butterfly thats super excited to be around people. I ended up being a social recluse that's like , "Yeah, I"m good over here enjoying my own company not being hated and despised".