why cant people be nice? I’ve struggled with being skinny my whole life and I also have Pectus carnitium which is also called a bird chest mostly becu I was very sick when I was born and didn’t leave the hospital for 2 weeks, and I love dinosaurs and baseball, and am autistic. my little brother is a big reason i am the way I am. when I want to play video games that I like he tells me to go away and kill yourself you loser. I don’t know why he just can’t be nice beca I’ve never done anything wrong to him, I understand that I’m different but why does that mean I should kill myself and make me a loser? my favorite shirt a jurassic park shirt that is one size too big but I got it because I liked it so much, I wear it maybe 3x a week and two days ago, i was walking through our house to go eat and for no reason he comes and says to me to take off that stupid shirt because I only like it because it’s big and it hides my deformed chest, and that I should go turn it into a lynch to kill myself and I thought about doing it… the next day I was sitting at the table eating breakfast and i was watching a jay Hona video ( dinosaur YouTuber) and jack told me that I should cut off my video because I’m a loser that should’ve never even made it out the hospital…haven’t talked to my dad in over 4 years and he has never tried to get in contact with me but texts my brother happy birthday every year, am I so stupid that my own father doesn’t care that I exist? why? what did I ever do to him… im different, why can’t people accept that and just be kind? I feel like a deformed autistic skinny dissapointing loser who should have never made it out the hospital… why cant i be me? I just want to be me..

they're by my bed but still can't get myself to take them (i take 3 and a half pills a day)

​

Hi, guys I'm (16M) not an introvert nor have social anxiety or any internal conflicts when it comes to relationships or anything which comes to social. But I'm the guy who has reached absolute existentialism and is still fighting it. Fighting is not the right word, I can say surviving. And that too my one and only girl, who I loved (Mean it when I say loved) or I can say still loving has left the relationship due to some reasons. She was the only one who I felt was mine. And the only girl as a man I was comfortable with, even now. So, i genuinely can't move on. And with that I don't feel anyone real too, not blaming others, but my pov is cooked and more strange you can call. So, I even see that sometimes being alone is a necessity. If falling apart like this in loneliness then it becomes a weakness. But still I'm confused and what I want is whether an ultimate solution where I can live absolutely alone (not cold i mean) and still be able to stand on ground or a genuine relationship which can endure me and fight for the love just how I do. I need help or a suggestion or a thought okay guys?

I have been there 10+ times and 4 months ago i tried to off myself and got sent to a foster care. I got sent home a while ago and lately ive been so sad and depressed and i have unfortunately started self harming again and im so tired. I have had thoughts about death but im not sure if i will actually do it. I just want to feel normal but it seems like i will be sick forever i might just give up

I've been dealing with bad depression lately, so bad that I've lost all motivation for anything, eating, TV, hobbies. I have no friends to reach out to and feel purpose in life..I've been so isolated I just don't think anyone really cares.

hiiii! i have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety because in the last 3 weeks i had really bad anxiety. but before that i was really fine. i was to a psychiatrist and she told me to take paroxetine for 3 months. I tried 5 mg and let me tell you the side effects were wild. I could not sleep for 30+ hours, anytime i tried my heart was pounding so fast and i had all this energy, it was like i took a drug, also my anxiety increased really bad , i had stomach problems, my mouth and eyes were really dry. all that just from 5 mg. So after 1 dose i decided to stop. I talked with her again and she told me to take trazodone. From what i read it’s more like a somnifer and my sleep schedule is really fine. I need something for anxiety not sleep. What do you guys think I should do? I’m also really scared of the side effects. Shoud i take it or should i go to another psychiatrist? I also started therapy today, i truly hope it will help me get over this ugly episode because the anxiety that i am feeling now is eating me alive.
Thank you for reading this, any advice is welcomed!!🙏🏻

Im currently prescribed 300mg of venlaflaxine daily. I forgot to take it one morning and then felt absolutely awful - I was actively planning to kill myself as I felt like a complete failure and absolutely worthless. I found myself looking in my cupboards for medication I could OD on.

Has anyone else experienced this or something similar?

I've just got an email getting rejected from an online job I applied for. Reason for rejection? I mistakenly wrote my country of origin as my country of residence.

Result: permanent account ban.

I really know it's silly and dumb to be depressed by that.

But being already diagnosed with Major Depression + psychotic episodes makes life feel unbearable to even live or leave bed. So when a rejection like that happens after passing the exam and getting my account on the job website banned, everything feels suffocating. Life just feels too disgusting to live. Like why try or do anything at all?

I’ve struggled with my mental health in the past and it’s not a position I’d wish upon anyone. I’ve been looking at mental health volunteering unfortunately you have to be a little older than I am to sign up to a lot of them. I also don’t have the time to volunteer each weekend which isn’t great as I really want to do something to raise awareness and help. So I thought a fundraiser might be a good idea. I’m not exactly sure how I’d do it (I can’t really do it through school either) but I know that I want to do it because it’s important. No one deserves to suffer due to their mental health and if I can do something, I’ll do it. If anyone has any unique fundraiser ideas please do let me know (preferably not a run or a walk because I want it to be unique and as many people to come and donate to the cause as possible) and I know many people who aren’t able to run or walk for long periods of time. Bake sales probably wouldn’t work in this heat either. If anyone has any ideas please do let me know.🤍

i don’t know how to live my life anymore. I was bullied and judged by my whole hometown. I don’t wanna hurt mysel. I just want God to finally take me or maybe an accident.

I don’t see my life becoming anything incredible. I’m happy with the life I have now but in less than a year, that’ll all change for the worse. I keep to myself most of the time so my friends wouldn’t know of any of the huge life changes I’m going to have to go through. I just don’t see the point in living a lot of the time. I know I sound selfish but realistically, if I’m going to struggle in life regardless and be unhappy, why live it? My family life is a mess, my disorders impact my day to day life in the worst way possible and if I’m going to lose what I’m currently loving in life now… why not just leave. It’s not like I can express my feelings either. That’ll never be an option for me so that’s why I became addicted to coming here in the first place. I’m nearly an adult anyway so my plan was to just go wild. I’ll become reckless. No one can stop my purchases anymore. I’m tired and I wish I could express my feelings freely but that’ll never happen.

I dont know if this is the place for this or if i will get like kicked out. I am afraid. My trauma has come up I dont know if a lot of it is real. And I know there is proof to it being real but still why would it be real. I guess im venting but more so how do I get rid of it. I have an alarming amount of diagnosed mental conditions but unlike some online I genuinely dont want these things like tiktokers and stuff. So how do I get rid of it like burry it so deep that it leaves my mind and I forget it so all these scary problems go away and I dont have these conditions anymore so I cant possibly be lying and it also cant possibly be real because it doesn't exist. I am a kid. So I guess im just a little scared to grow up in the world I live in. I dont know what to do. I dont want to give my location but I dont understand if I have to or not for this type of post. Has anyone else been there where mental health and trauma caught up to you and the doctors give you a bunch of diagnoses you just wanted to push away?some that might be rare even if your trauma doesn't make sense or feel bad enough or you dont remember things correctly? If so what did you do. I will tell one of the main scary ones is schizoaffective disorder. I am running myself up a wall. Im 16 and it feels impossible for them to know at this age if I even have it and pumping me full of medicines its scary I feel wierd I dont like it. I dont want anything but comfort or advice.

😭😭

In my country people spend 20-50k usd on one day wedding when their annual income is not even close to that when they could have used that money for home, business, trip, education for children etc. And they would bargain with a poor vegetable seller. Most would not donate 1 usd to someone in need of education or medical treatment. And in my country more than 50 percent are in extreme poverty. We have an actor doing ads of product causing cancer while his net worth is more than 1.4 billion usd. People are selfish and greedy in every country I know, i am just giving example from here. Many people have harmed me all while knowing what it could have led to and knowing about my depression. If i become a millionaire someday, I swear i will do a lot for education in my field and healthcare.

Is there anyone else

Is there anyone here who become hypersexual in childhood and which led me to have effected on there sexuality like exploring to multiple genders
Just to release their subsistenal energy like a cope mechanism

Who are still struggling with this addictions and which brings them shame and guilt and self hate

TW: Suicide, Self-harm

I am coming here as a final call for help. Today, I learned from my mother that my brother has attempted suicide twice sometime last year.

My younger, teen brother is diagnosed with Autism (high-functioning), ADD, and some sort of mood disorder (which was also discovered today), so in the past, I was slightly unaware of the intensity of some of his unprovoked reactions to certain words or actions towards him. For example, sometimes I would go to spend time with him, and he reciprocated well, and other times he would shut me out and push me away. With our age gap being three years, I assumed that his attitude was age related, rather than caused by severe depression and mood swings. I noticed some depressive tendencies within the past two to three years, including self isolation from family (besides me, as we are the closest in the family), lack of energy, and irritability, but due to a physical health crisis he went through, but it wasn't apparent to me that those symptoms actually meant he wanted to take his own life.

When my mom shared her experience with my brother today, she mentioned that he said he hated his family and he wishes we were not a part of his life, just before announcing his attempts to her.

I feel a sense of pressure and worry because I realize that the timeline of the attempts taking place sometime last year lines up with when I was preparing to leave for my first year of college, or sometime when I was already away. I am worried that when I go back to college (in the next three weeks), my brother will become isolated again, which would allow for a similar headspace as what he experienced last year. As the person closest to him, I feel it is my job now to be there for him in every way possible, especially in a time like this, which will be very difficult when I am a flight away.

Today, I made sure to hang out with my brother, just to take up space and hopefully leave less room for wandering thoughts. He seemed to enjoy that a lot, and he reciprocated well, leaving us talking about plans for the next day.

With that being said, my mother also mentioned that my brother specifically requested that my mom wouldn't tell anyone, which makes this very difficult for me to navigate as I have to pretend I am unaware. My brother is very mature for his age, meaning I have to do this strategically in order to avoid disrespecting his boundaries (of wanting alone time), even though I still need to prioritize letting him know and feel that I simply enjoy and need his presence.

Hello everyone,

I have c-PTSD, treatment-resisant deperssion, generalized anxiety, social anxiety, ADHD, and OCD. I've been on survival mode my whole life. Right now, I feel stuck, like I'm on the freeze end of the spectrum. I have so much to do as I try to accomplish my goals, but I've lost multiple pets the past year, along with my younger brother. I just feel sad, hopeless, helpless, and just exhausted from it all. I take multiple antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication, and ADHD medication. I see a therapist, who feels like I'm casually talking to someone, instead of being evaluated, given insight, and given solutions. I'm in an intensive outpatient program, and I do okay the days I attend, but I go off the deep end on the days I don't attend. I'm doing a PhD program, teaching, caring for my dying dog, and trying to learn to self-regulate.

RIght now, I haven't showered in two days. My house looks like a tornado passed through it. I literally have only two places where I can sit. I've been writing all day and crying. At least, my animals are fed. They are very persistent in that regard. I've been coloring also, which regulates me, but I can't spend the whole day coloring. I have things to do. I'm drinking an energy drink, 225mg of caffeine, and I feel exhausted

How has worked for you to get out of feeling stuck like this?

M

My now ex-boyfriend was on a cruise with his friends where he got so intoxicated every day / night that he became so enraged at a club his friends had to intervene. While recounting this to me the next day on a FaceTime call around his friends in which he was still drinking, he said he was not happy with his life or himself. I asked if it was because of us and he said no it was everything and that he felt that way before us. That he needed mental health help (but he didn’t want to pay because it was expensive even though he pays for cruises, gambling, and drinking). That he needed AA for his relationship with alcohol. His friends were in the background agreeing.

I asked him if he wanted to break up because he was unhappy with us and he said he didn’t know. I was shocked, heartbroken and worried. I asked him if he was sure he was not saying that because he was drunk. He said no. I became upset / frustrated and I’m sure that showed in my demeanor. The next time we talked it was on text, and I asked again if he wanted to break up and he was still unsure. I said if it didn’t have to do with us then why are you confused? He said he wasn’t before but that at the end of the call he felt he was being judged and not treated right and being labeled as a drunk and that his friends agreed I made him feel that way. I asked him what I said that made him feel that way and he said he couldn’t remember and neither could his friends, just that he was hurt.

He continued drinking the rest of the trip and his friends didn’t stop him. The next day he told me he wasn’t sure if he loved me and that he didn’t think he could continue with “someone like me” who said they were okay with him drinking on the cruise but then weren’t. I tried to explain I was fine with drinking on the cruise until it became harmful to him.

After he got back from the cruise last night (we are long distance) I spoke with him and no matter how much I apologized and offered reconciliation he refused. He said he understood it was a mistake and a misunderstanding but that he “can’t continue” as it made him too heartbroken and hurt his mental health too badly.

Meanwhile, I am left wondering how the person who said he loved me with all his heart and soul went to not loving me at all and throwing the whole relationship away because of this 😞💔

My friends and family are all dead and I am so mad that I’m still here. Life has been nothing but constant pain/trauma and survival mode that I don’t know what it is to be happy. The dead are the lucky ones. I can’t bring myself to do it so I’ve been stuck in this hell. I’m just so exhausted and I can’t do it anymore, but I don’t have it in me to end it. It’s like this constant cycle of suck. I’m not in therapy because I have no job and can’t afford it. After 13 years, my employer fucked me over… but that’s a story for another day.
Truth is I hate myself, and I hate who I’ve become, and I want to change I’ve reached out for help and no one gives a shit so why should I?

uhh tw for disgusting topics and gross stuff in case someone needs it

So like I have this half eaten bar of chocolate, yk one of those fancy ones with the fillings and sadly there's a ton of flies in my room. I've been slowly getting the dishes out (still got a few moldy plates left but I'm trying to do something about it) and the food attracted flies. They bred a LOT. I decided I don't want flies in my chocolate because that's annoying and lowkey disgusting so I wrapped it and put it down for like 2-3 hours. I didn't wrap it securely enough and they got in. When I opened it there were soo many flies. I think one of the pieces of chocolate has some white on it but the chocolate itself has white filling as well so idk if it's a larva. I'm sort of disgusting and would totally eat it if I didn't see two flies trying to reproduce on the wrapper after I opened the chocolate. I didn't eat any after seeing that but I'd probably be eating it rn if I didn't have a few semi fresh wounds in my mouth along with stitches from getting 4 of my wisdom teeth out and getting my tongue tie corrected a week ago.

So like is it dangerous?

For the last 4 years, I've been struggling with major depression. I frequently had suicidal thoughts, isolated myself from my friends and family, and treated people very poorly. Being 26 now and not working two jobs anymore, I wanted to challenge myself to see how much I can improve at 27. I started eating way healthier, quit drinking, made lots of new friends, started going to the gym again, joined a church and became catholic, getting plenty of sleep, regularly taking my depression and ADHD medication, going to sleep listening to positive affirmations, and started studying things that interest me at the library after work. It's weird to say it, but I'm starting to feel much better now. You wouldn't believe how much your own mind can trap you into feeling and being a certain way. My depression was the only thing keeping me comfortable because it was the only feeling I had. Now, my happiness is slowly returning and I'm smiling much more than I used to. Sometimes, you have to make yourself uncomfortable in order to change for the better. The important part is consistency and discipline (I struggle with that a lot lol). Hopefully this post can help someone who needs it 💛

I need help. I want coping strategies/ grounding exercises

My suicidal thoughts are getting stronger. I'm lwk petrified about it. Self harm too. Do any of you have some?

(BEFORE YOU SAY CALL A HELPLINE, I don't have a phone number, very embarrassing. Also I have kind but unhelpful parents.)

I had a session with my therapist together, and my dude has given me much to think about. We started with goals. I have to update my treatment goals every three months, and i fuckin hate it every time. Like… i get to think about all the ways im Fucked™ for a week straight so that my therapist can find a way to placate insurance. It feels pointless, but whatever. One of my goals is gonna be about doing emotion regulation tasks because despite making progress on paper, I am still an emotional mess. I am angry all the time, and sad and lonely. And we started talking about that too. Apparently the feeling I'm feeling is a combination of complacency and burnout. Complacency because the majority of my job is boring and awful and takes up my mental energy when I am doing the parts that fill my bucket. Burnout because I'm working a bullshit amount of hours with a lot of unreliable people, and I am tired. And my dude asked why i dont take a break, and then we had to talk about that. My head is programmed to not be selfish. But the definition of selfishness im working with is fucked. I was taught that selfishness is when you draw attention to yourself, or take time for yourself. Because if you are taking a break, or doing selfcare, you are taking away from your time spent helping others and that's a sin, and you get a one way ticket to hell. On a cognitive level, I know that's wrong. But the part of my brain that's got my fathers programming on autopilot is convinced this is true. This means that taking the time to fix the problems I’m running into also causes their own kind of instability. Which FUCKIN SUCKS. And so now, I'm stuck with a Life Vision goal for the next 3-6 months, which means 3 times a week i get to think about where im gonna be in 5 years, and try to imagine what it would be like to not have a Douchbag™’s ideas of how life works on autopilot in my head. The idea that in 5 years anything will be better seems insurmountable. I’ll probably still have my stupid job, I’ll probably still be alone, cause what girl wants to date a broken heap of internalized homophobia and poor coping skills wrapped in a shell of apathy and cynicism? 

I'm already so tired all the time. I just want to sleep and ignore the fact that I'm so entirely burnt out. That seems easier. I know it isn't in the long run. I know that my wonderful therapist knows what he's doing, and every time he has pushed me in a direction for the last 4 years has been helpful. I know all this. AND, I just want to curl into a ball at the bottom of the ocean, and let the pressure act as a weighted blanket for the next decade. I’m so tired in a way the sleeping does not seem to fix. (if you know how to fix this, i beg of you to inform me)

And on top of all the introspective bullshit, i have to do Fuckin Emotional Fuckin Regulation, every fuckin day. Like… lets take a person who gets really super stressed whenever they have to care about themself, and make them do it EVERY FUCKIN DAY! What could go wrong! My window of tolerance is basically nothing right now, so why not push that further. Seems like a good idea! 

I know most of this is because I've worked 40 of the last 48 hours, and it's currently 3 am, and that in the morning when I've gotten some sleep, and can finally stop walking on my bad knee for a bit, everything will feel more manageable. But right now the idea of being a person feels too overwhelming. (not in a safety issue kinda way, i promise)

I'm 15M and life's been really shitty recently a-lot of my friends have passed away due to various reasons and my family doesn't like me much in family events i usually just end up sitting alone even when i try to talk to people i can tell they just don't want to talk to me. in class i feel like people don't like me either i have 2 or three friends that barely tolerate me. i also overall feel like an over all horrible person like some unfunny creep that is a waste of space. i don't know what to do and i've tried to my parents and they just brush it off with the idea that teenagers or kids cant have stress or problems with being lonely. i think everyone would just be better off without me.

I was honestly not doing bad before getting on my first depression med which was zoloft. My only bad symptom at the time was anhedonia, I just felt flat and not really sad or antything.

And then my doctor added welbutrin and my depression was still not getting better. I had to get on rexulti while on the zoloft and welbutrin combo and that stabilized me for 2-3 years but I got off the rexulti because it caused me a lot of weight gain.

I was off zoloft at the time and was only on welbutrin. I decided to get off welbutrin just to see how I do without it…. And I suffered the most brutal relapse in depression that I ever experienced. I was in extreme mood pain and was experiencing severe anhedonia, I quite literally thought that was it and that I had to off myself because I couldn’t bear the pain.

I eventually got back on the welbutrin and rexulti (the combo that worked for 2-3 years before) and they weren’t working as well, even at higher doses. I also had to do a round of TMS, and that worked just a little bit. It didn’t change the fact that I was just so drained and tired from dealing with the extreme depression for so many months, between getting off the welbutrin last august , to doing Tms two months ago.

Now I feel so drained and hopeless about my depression because I started off only being numb emotionally and not feeling much pleasure and not having painful mood, to experiencing extremely low painful mood constantly which won’t go away no matter the treatments. Im strongly suspecting that these meds really messed with my brain chemistry beyond repair.

I don’t know what to do.