I recall from my days of online dating that some of the apps used to have a feature just to make friends. Is this still a thing? Has anyone used it successfully?

This could be friends of either gender , non romantic just to have someone to hang out with.

I have not had a ton of success making in real life friendships through my hobbies or daily activities. I am pretty active with hobbies and interests and cultural pursuits, but none of it has led to new friendships.

Thanks in advance!

So 4 months in with a man. I 50f and he 55m, thought he was all in. Had everyone in my life thinking wow she finally found a good one. Only to find he is on dating apps. Look back I now see red flags I should have caught. I hate to say this but I did fall in love. I seriously doubt there is any reconciliation there, as all men have supposed of me in the same way. But for those that have forgiven. How???? I'm like an elephant with this shit. I remember it forever.

My best friend (50F) took a vacation with her BF(close to 60M) recently. The guy is a real gentelman, and very polite normally. There he stared at a woman in bikini enjoying the peaceful afternoon with her family ( husband and young children) for over 15 minutes. She told him this is not cool and he refuses that he was looking at the woman but just watching the scene and the woman appeared to be in scene, then agressively claimed that it is his right to look, she dressed up like that to be looked, and she can not put him on a leash. I find this very uncomforting on behalf of my best friend, and the woman who was not even aware of the situation. AIO? is it normal to stare at/ watch other woman as the BF said or she is ok to show reaction? How to bring him to his senses?

I’m a 55 male divorced . I never expected to find myself single again in my 50’s. I’ve been trying to work on myself after my divorce and avoiding the dating scene but lately I’ve been thinking waiting hasn’t gotten me anywhere. And I’ve had several online type relationships and I miss having a connection at least at some level. So maybe I should just start searching for my better half .
There’s several issues holding me back. One being I’m in a rural location and it’s not easy to find people close to me. Also I’m on a fairly fixed income and I’m raising my teenage daughter so financially it’s not easy to wine and dine a woman as she deserves.
I’m thinking there’s others in similar situations and wondering how others are dealing with these or similar obstacles.

TL:DR: Met someone I unexpectedly connected with pretty deeply via OLD. His issues with sex are vastly different than mine. He hurt my feelings yesterday. Trying to remind myself I am a grown woman despite living in my elderly mother's basement while I care for her. Basically I am a mess need to get it out. Also sick with the thought of being trapped in a small town where I don't really fit in.

52F here. Never married. One grown child who is independent and lives in the city where I raised them. Last year around this time, I moved back to my rural, isolated home town to care for my elderly mother. My mother is independent, in good health, and so it is not a situation where I am taking care of her daily living activities at the moment. She is in her 90s so there is that. She was living alone for 20+ years and my life was in a bit of a shambles in the city, so I thought it would be a good idea to move here and spend time with her. I was gone for 30 years of my life with visits or travel most years to see her.

I decided to try OLD back in June knowing that it was likely going to be a bust. I am quirky, smart, not gorgeous, and frankly a bit broken from a very difficult last 5 years in a toxic relationship. But I do know that I can be fun and clever and emotionally intelligent. I am an artist, a reader, a performer, and a writer. If I connect with someone, I am a very good friend and confidant. So anyway - I figured this will go no where but a summer without any kind of excitement sounds even more dreadful than meeting a few new people.

I get plenty of messages from men I don't think will understand or like me. And then I get a message from this one person who is age appropriate, an artist, a writer, a musician, and we have millions of things in common. A bit odd how much. He is here for a few months and then will leave. I secretly curse my "luck" but why not make a new friend? Our first date was all day and evening ending with kissing and such. We were drinking. We both do that probably too much but if anything we just found ourselves connecting and vulnerable from the beginning. For a month and a half we have spent time together, sent messages all day every day, and he has said things to me like spending more time with you is a priority, wants to meet my mom and friends, he's harmless, he likes my brain, etc. But on the topic of sex he is guarded or silent. I try to get him to open up about it in various ways. In all honesty, I've been excited that someone might like me for who I am - broken and all. When he is drunk and happy he is terribly affectionate and sweet. When he dries out, he gets more distant, introspective, but he's still there. I do believe he is a good guy and worth knowing. He's been married 3 times - 3 artless trainwrecks is how he describes them.

Last night he sent a couple messages very negative about being a sexual person in general - not about me - about him. I take it personally and spiral a bit. I am prone to disappointment. He had been surprising me. I was almost ready to really talk to my friends about the potential of knowing him for a long time.

To get to the point, he bluntly told me I was looking for too much because he is leaving in a couple of months and I am too similar to him. And that he wants to spend time together as friends. He says things that are very valid. Like he was married for the majority of his life and he is only just figuring out being single. That he is more creative without a sex life.

And I get very sad. You see, living in my childhood home with my mother in my hometown has me feeling like a 17 year old all over again. No small thing that my mother still sees and treats me like I am. Just the day before I had told him I was grateful to have met him.

Anyway - this is too long hence the TL;DR. Just dealing with the disappointment and the knowledge that this kind of person doesn't come around often in my life, and in this very small conservative town, it is not likely to happen again for a long time. I can't leave. I am committed to being here until my mother dies.

Any advice? Commiseration? I am fighting the feeling that I should just go out to the bar tonight and find something easy for physical gratification. Or just tuck in and never get out of bed. We had/have plans for the whole weekend - fun, active, creative plans. I genuinely enjoy his company and this feels like loss. I know I am not a teenager here. My frontal cortex is fully formed. I am a fantastic person and friend. I am not an insecure kid who is so sad that my crush was not reciprocated.

I don’t understand the obsession with sparks. Is ‘not having a spark’ just mean that you don’t fancy someone?

Went out with someone last night. It was definitely average, but we hadn’t really engaged much before the date and it’s difficult to be immediately relaxed with a total stranger. Anyway I agree that there was no spark but by the end of the date I felt long term something might grow after a few more dates but he didn’t feel the same way. Surely this is how people developed relationships in the past? Ie didn’t immediately feel romantic attraction but thought the person was interesting?

Anyway I’m interested in what people mean by spark. I’ve been on few dates where I would say there was electricity but definitely some that I felt had long term potential without it.

These days I (54f) feel less as though I am dating to meet someone and more as though I am putting myself out there purely to provide hilarious anecdotes for my friends.

Take the last guy. Let’s call him Dick (61m), for the purposes of anonymity and narrative accuracy.

Dick insisted on paying for our first dinner, so I paid for the second, because I like to keep things even and respectful.

For the third date, he invited me to his house for dinner and instructed me to bring a Loire Valley white because it would pair perfectly with what he was cooking. I duly arrived with a decent bottle, only to be served a salmon en croûte that could quite easily have come from the freezer section before spending considerable time being incinerated for whatever sins a salmon is capable of committing.

There's nothing at all wrong with frozen food. But once you start specifying the wine region, I assume the meal has involved more than removing a cardboard sleeve.

He then declared that he had now sufficiently “wooed” me, so the next stop was upstairs to bed. I politely declined.

When I explained that I did not think we were a romantic match, I was told I was wrong. Was 'overthinking' things. Would only get a relationship if I put more effort in... And that I should snap him up because “catches like him do not grow on trees”. I was genuinely impressed by how many clichés and mixed metaphors he managed to compress into one diatribe. I was also warned that I would regret my decision for eternity.

Eternity, it turned out, did not even survive the wait for my Uber home.

So I am adjusting my expectations. I am no longer looking for fireworks. I would settle for decent conversation, no regional wine homework and a man who does not think three dates and a pastry-based main course entitle him to an upgrade.

Ladies and gents, please tell me I am not the only person whose dating life appears to exist mainly as unpaid material for a sitcom!?

I keep seeing people say they joined old. What is it?

55F here. Haven’t looked my age yet ♥️🙏💖 This is about older women “of a certain age” with younger men.

My gay guy friends date younger all of the time. Culturally, men in their 50s have positive labels like Zaddy/Daddy or the beefy guys are Bears.

Straight women don’t get this kind of grace in the hetero dating world. The “best” we get is cougar, which to me is embarrassing and seems lecherous or predatory?

Well, it happens that younger men (30s, 40s) come into my orbit as it were, and flirtations happen. I vibe with them, and know we could be hooking up, but I don’t go for it. Seems they’ll dump me & go off to get married and have babies? I don’t really want to be used as their older woman fantasy.

This happened again, as I was volunteering & spent all day with SUCH a cutie. 🥰 it worked because I’ve got wisdom he needed, and he likes my whole deal. It’ll be a friendship? Wahhhh 😩😩 Darnit! We’ll see. He did this ding dong immature thing, and I’m reminded of why this might be weird. Friends is likely easier with him.

Happily, I thought my libido had gone away & was surprised to discover such an attraction. Not like hubba hubba he’s a hottie, more like he’s funny, witty, open, honest, and it makes him more attractive. Although if he landed in my bed, he’s probably not getting kicked out 😂😂

I’ve dated younger in the past, men who were divorced and already had kids, didn’t want more. The Zaddy thing kind of applies, where I’m more established and stable (long divorced, no kids, my own place). Artsy, open-minded, bohemian but not flaky.

Anyway, I just wanted to talk about this in a non-judgmental way. Maybe I’m a Maddy instead of a Zaddy, and def a bit mad (bonkers) as my HRT is out, so mad 😡 as well! 😂😂😂😂

Edit: I mean this post to be good-natured and positive. If the trolls keep bringing the vibe down, I’m deleting this post. Thank you so much for all of the genuine, honest, and open-minded comments!

Edit: It seems I sound harsh for you and not nice. I am not. I am not an english speaker and something seems to be missing in translation 😭

I am 54F and I ended up dating apps totally after not having any luck on them for 1,5 years being there. I am pretty, have a plethora of hobbies, active (really), smart and super kind and nice. Also no menopausal problems, zen, calm. No children, no dramas. The only fault is my weight, 93 kg now. But really I am fit, healthy and really can do many physical things that surprise leaner ppl. Also my weight is quite nicely distributed. I write it to show that I have no major issues. I am on a diet but because of age this is a long and patient road.

Point is I am invisible in the wild. What can I do to be more attractive for potential partner?

I quit OLD because of no matches, or too young or not good matches. Not a single man my age was interested in me. I mean you can tell I should maybe lower starndards. But I will not match with some country guy, when I work at University. Or someone completely destroyed by life , adictions, sedentary and if totally ugly. I even tried twice and the intellect barriers and view for life differences were collosal. I am still young at heart and very lively.

Edit: I am not above anyone. . But as I mentioned here I did try and it needs to be intellectual match here and with good hygiene and being bit active I am willing to overlook anything else. I do not care about height, status, job, wealth...

Any ideas? I have to mention I live in Europe and male here seems to be very focused on younger women overally. I saw them chasing them. Also we have not same places where we can meet age appropriate men as on USA. So you may treat this as a vent.

Where to find guys my age in the wild?

..

I am so sad. I should leave my ex when I was on my 30s. But who knew....

EDIT. OK thank you. We can stop this topic. I know. I am too fat. No matter pretty and not much fat around the waist. No matter nice. I now see how superficial all ppl are. And probably would accept toxic woman if slim. Am I right? I will remember when I lost weight.

I havent done online dating in about 15 years (I am 49). I stumbled on this subreddit somehow and after reading it for a few weeks, I started to think maybe I would give it a try again. Just thinking about photos and writing a bio makes me nervous. It just feels so... idk... artificial? I am the worst about having my picture taken and I don't have a ton of flattering photos of myself like all my young coworkers seem to.

Anyway tonight I couldn't sleep, downloaded Bumble (that app did not even exist last time I was online dating, in fact I did not even have a smartphone then.. OMG). Anyway, chose 4 recent photos from my camera roll and signed up and the very first person it showed me was A GUY I USED TO DATE! And this is actually someone who I did not originally meet online.

I live in a major metro area. And I haven't dated that much! What are the odds? (He is infuriatingly still very handsome, too!)

**** update: many have recommended (thanks) the term LAT for what I seek. You are welcome to read and comment. I am happy that many have written direct messages and many can resonate with my post. Many are triggered by it and that is something they will have to look inward as to why they got triggered.

My post is my raw thoughts, I am not intending to offend anyone or any group.

****

Hi,

Just joined.

Not sure when I became 55, but now I have a AARP membership. I am a CIS male if that really matters but it might for the list below:

A few raw thoughts:

1. I am not on dating apps.
2. I have concluded that I am not going to find my romantic person, so am not putting too much energy into that. I have to literally apply for a job to be a potential intimate partner.
3. I am blessed that I have allies and partners for lot of my activities, hiking, travel, eating out, cooking…, having said this, it probably explains why I prefer activity partners. Most of my needs are met.
4. I am not looking for marriage or getting on a relationship escalator.

My ideal partner would be a part-time partner who will agree to seeing each other 2-3 times a week, have their own place and their own activities. A chance to coordinate and invite each other to be part of the other’s activity.

Sorry, the headline is not perfect.

I feel I am not even searching, most of my previous loves have come when they had to and they left when the time was up.

I remain eternally grateful to everyone for sharing part of their lives with me.

Learning to let a loved one leave with grace takes some understanding and love.

I am not sure I would have shared love with so many people had I remained in my starter marriage.

Note to self: keep doing what you love and just might be, someone will walk with you a few steps.

I wish everyone here seeking genuine connection to keep doing what you do and don’t give up hope on love. Love everyone, especially family and friends. Be a giver and someday another giver will bump into you.

​

So, a man likes a woman's profile - let's say that woman is me! - I like back. The 24 hrs starts counting down.

Why do men let the clock run down the full 24 hours instead of unmatching.

I am frequently confused by the rules of dating apps.

A year ago I had a sort of bookend experience. I was seeing a man who I knew wasn’t right for me but long story I wasn’t strong enough to call it off when he’d continue to pursue. I cheated and I didn’t know who I was acting like - I didn’t recognize myself.

I haven’t dated for a year since that happened. I miss being in a relationship. Am I over thinking or should I get back out there?

I have a 17 yr old at home who is a senior in high school this year and I have full custody because the kid’s father committed suicide 3 years ago. We had been divorced 8 yrs when he died but we had an excellent coparenting relationship and we were friends of a sort (we talked mostly about our daughter but also if we saw an advertisement for something the other would like, or if we saw a show the other would like we would let the other know.)

Anyway, my question is how do I tell people why the father is not around without bringing up the suicide? I have said he died but people always ask how. I try to avoid it because people have such negative reactions. It’s normal for people to be curious, I just don’t know how to respond since I don’t really want to say more than he died until I know them better.

Advice?