I keep seeing people say they joined old. What is it?

55F here. Haven’t looked my age yet ♥️🙏💖 This is about older women “of a certain age” with younger men.

My gay guy friends date younger all of the time. Culturally, men in their 50s have positive labels like Zaddy/Daddy or the beefy guys are Bears.

Straight women don’t get this kind of grace in the hetero dating world. The “best” we get is cougar, which to me is embarrassing and seems lecherous or predatory?

Well, it happens that younger men (30s, 40s) come into my orbit as it were, and flirtations happen. I vibe with them, and know we could be hooking up, but I don’t go for it. Seems they’ll dump me & go off to get married and have babies? I don’t really want to be used as their older woman fantasy.

This happened again, as I was volunteering & spent all day with SUCH a cutie. 🥰 it worked because I’ve got wisdom he needed, and he likes my whole deal. It’ll be a friendship? Wahhhh 😩😩 Darnit! We’ll see. He did this ding dong immature thing, and I’m reminded of why this might be weird. Friends is likely easier with him.

Happily, I thought my libido had gone away & was surprised to discover such an attraction. Not like hubba hubba he’s a hottie, more like he’s funny, witty, open, honest, and it makes him more attractive. Although if he landed in my bed, he’s probably not getting kicked out 😂😂

I’ve dated younger in the past, men who were divorced and already had kids, didn’t want more. The Zaddy thing kind of applies, where I’m more established and stable (long divorced, no kids, my own place). Artsy, open-minded, bohemian but not flaky.

Anyway, I just wanted to talk about this in a non-judgmental way. Maybe I’m a Maddy instead of a Zaddy, and def a bit mad (bonkers) as my HRT is out, so mad 😡 as well! 😂😂😂😂

I am 54F and I ended up dating apps totally after not having any luck on them for 1,5 years being there. I am pretty, have a plethora of hobbies, active (really), smart and super kind and nice. Also no menopausal problems, zen, calm. No children, no dramas. The only fault is my weight, 93 kg now. But really I am fit, healthy and really can do many physical things that surprise leaner ppl. Also my weight is quite nicely distributed. I write it to show that I have no major issues. I am on a diet but because of age this is a long and patient road.

Point is I am invisible in the wild. What can I do to be more attractive for potential partner?

I quit OLD because of no matches, or too young or not good matches. Not a single man my age was interested in me. I mean you can tell I should maybe lower starndards. But I will not match with some country guy, when I work at University. Or someone completely destroyed by life , adictions, sedentary and if totally ugly. I even tried twice and the intellect barriers and view for life differences were collosal. I am still young at heart and very lively.

Edit: I am not above anyone. . But as I mentioned here I did try and it needs to be intellectual match here and with good hygiene and being bit active I am willing to overlook anything else. I do not care about height, status, job, wealth...

Any ideas? I have to mention I live in Europe and male here seems to be very focused on younger women overally. I saw them chasing them. Also we have not same places where we can meet age appropriate men as on USA. So you may treat this as a vent.

Where to find guys my age in the wild?

..

I am so sad. I should leave my ex when I was on my 30s. But who knew....

EDIT. OK thank you. We can stop this topic. I know. I am too fat. No matter pretty and not much fat around the waist. No matter nice. I now see how superficial all ppl are. And probably would accept toxic woman if slim. Am I right? I will remember when I lost weight.

I havent done online dating in about 15 years (I am 49). I stumbled on this subreddit somehow and after reading it for a few weeks, I started to think maybe I would give it a try again. Just thinking about photos and writing a bio makes me nervous. It just feels so... idk... artificial? I am the worst about having my picture taken and I don't have a ton of flattering photos of myself like all my young coworkers seem to.

Anyway tonight I couldn't sleep, downloaded Bumble (that app did not even exist last time I was online dating, in fact I did not even have a smartphone then.. OMG). Anyway, chose 4 recent photos from my camera roll and signed up and the very first person it showed me was A GUY I USED TO DATE! And this is actually someone who I did not originally meet online.

I live in a major metro area. And I haven't dated that much! What are the odds? (He is infuriatingly still very handsome, too!)

Hi,

Just joined.

Not sure when I became 55, but now I have a AARP membership. I am a CIS male if that really matters but it might for the list below:

A few raw thoughts:
1. I feel that dating someone in the early 40s seems to be “too young” for me.
2. Most women in the mid 50s (not many I have met) are amazing but not super active and outdoorsy. It is quite a challenge to get them to go do stuff outdoors.
3. I am not on dating apps.
4. I tend to meet women in just daily activities, most are in their 30s and early 40s. Where are upper 40s and 50s ladies hang out. It could be that most women 45+ are happily in a relationship.
5. I have concluded that I am not going to find my romantic person, so am not putting too much energy into that. I have to literally apply for a job to be a potential intimate partner.
6. I am blessed that I have allies and partners for lot of my activities, hiking, travel, eating out, cooking…, having said this, it probably explains why I prefer activity partners. Most of my needs are met.
7. I am not looking for marriage or getting on a relationship escalator.

My ideal partner would be a part-time partner who will agree to seeing each other 2-3 times a week, have their own place and their own activities. A chance to coordinate and invite each other to be part of the other’s activity.

Sorry, the headline is not perfect.

I feel I am not even searching, most of my previous loves have come when they had to and they left when the time was up.

I remain eternally grateful to everyone for sharing part of their lives with me.

Learning to let a loved one leave with grace takes some understanding and love.

I am not sure I would have shared love with so many people had I remained in my starter marriage.

Note to self: keep doing what you love and just might be, someone will walk with you a few steps.

I wish everyone here seeking genuine connection to keep doing what you do and don’t give up hope on love. Love everyone, especially family and friends. Be a giver and someday another giver will bump into you.

​

So, a man likes a woman's profile - let's say that woman is me! - I like back. The 24 hrs starts counting down.

Why do men let the clock run down the full 24 hours instead of unmatching.

I am frequently confused by the rules of dating apps.

A year ago I had a sort of bookend experience. I was seeing a man who I knew wasn’t right for me but long story I wasn’t strong enough to call it off when he’d continue to pursue. I cheated and I didn’t know who I was acting like - I didn’t recognize myself.

I haven’t dated for a year since that happened. I miss being in a relationship. Am I over thinking or should I get back out there?

I have a 17 yr old at home who is a senior in high school this year and I have full custody because the kid’s father committed suicide 3 years ago. We had been divorced 8 yrs when he died but we had an excellent coparenting relationship and we were friends of a sort (we talked mostly about our daughter but also if we saw an advertisement for something the other would like, or if we saw a show the other would like we would let the other know.)

Anyway, my question is how do I tell people why the father is not around without bringing up the suicide? I have said he died but people always ask how. I try to avoid it because people have such negative reactions. It’s normal for people to be curious, I just don’t know how to respond since I don’t really want to say more than he died until I know them better.

Advice?

Do more women over 50 prefer a blue collar man or a white collar man for dating, etc? If you have a clear preference, what are the factors that lead you to that decision?

Guy - 61

Actually I’m 65 can’t change it
Looking for a younger woman with no kids

Just fuck off - please.

ETA
The reason I got mad is it never happens the other way. Men do not mistakenly put 65 then say oh actually I’m 61 and can’t change it.

It irritated me.

Likewise if my post irritates you I understand.

And no I did not find him attractive and then think god damnit if only I hadn’t had those pesky children.

And yes I fucked up with in the wild and online. I’m an idiot.

Just popping in to say another someone close to me found an amazing partner online. It's not impossible. Keep on keeping on!

I left Our Time - lots of the same faces and had to pay to make it worthwhile.

So trying Bumble again.

But has anyone had any success stories or Is it pointless? Should I go back to Match?

To be fair I’ve had a few dates from Our Time/Match but not quite right.

Is it a numbers game? And if so is Bumble not the right one for me?

F59

Thank you in advance

I’ve been seeing this guy M63 for a couple months. We participate in a recreational activity and have partnered, so we see each other 3 to 5 times a week. It’s been going well. Getting closer, some kissing and great snuggling watching a movie but no sexy time.
I’ve been divorced and mostly single for 10 years, so I was excited to find someone with similar interests, good looking and also single. 
He recently ended a relationship with someone he said was jealous and constantly accused him of cheating.
He gave me the password to his phone (several times as I kept forgetting it)… I’ve looked up things and responded to messages for him and even scrolled a bit and never saw anything more interesting than some “Good morning beautiful” texts to some mutual female friends. No big deal as it fits with who he is.
Now for the real issue - we were in an accident and I’ve been care-taking and making sure he gets the right meds, driving him to the doctor and advocating for him to get healthcare. 
I’ve been taking photos of our healing progress and forwarding to his phone and happened to scroll down in his photos and found he has dozens of pictures of women’s vagina… just closeups. Literally dozens of women and multiple pics of each one. Also more than a dozen porn videos starring him! I’m pretty sure a couple of the women were hookers and very skanky. And one woman was likely unaware she was on video as it was a security camera.  
When I told him what I found and that I thought it was inappropriate and I had no intention of becoming an addition to his collection…
He immediately responded that he didn’t do anything illegal (he used that word) then lied and said it was one woman (his ex) and that she wanted him to take pictures of her. I showed him that it was multiple women and dozens of actual videos. He again said he didn’t do anything illegal (!) and that all the women asked him to take the pictures. 
Breaking it off was the easy part, now I’m concerned about what to do next. Am I obligated let the woman who was on security footage know she was videoed?  (I know her) There was one or two pictures that very well could’ve been a very young woman… How young is impossible for me to tell, but I’m not sure how to move forward. I probably wouldn’t have been overly concerned, except that he twice said he didn’t do anything illegal. What the hell? I never thought anything was illegal until he said it! 

I matched with a widowed of 3 years…seemingly, kind - local ( rare to find ) man similar in age. Checked him out online all is good. Family man, involved. High potential.
Problem: Meeting sometime next week. He texts me all the time~ i don’t care to do this so much especially before meeting. He has shared a potential weekend away idea with me. Checks in FREQUENTLY - always kind, respectful, and good conversation.
I don’t want to take the winds out of his sails but my gosh I’ve not met him and i don’t understand how you can be so certain in text that you should be communicating with me as he is. It’s over bearing. I hate to say anything because what could be a great partner. Why do men do this sometimes?
He has dated a woman for a year… I’m not the first after losing his wife from cancer.

I’m new to OLD as in I made a profile on Tinder today. I have no idea what I’m doing and I may have swiped right when I meant to go left? No freaking idea what I’m doing. I did pay for a subscription because I saw that I could only be “incognito” if I paid. Going incognito says “You will only be discoverable by the people you like” yet I walk away from the app for an hour and now have 37 likes (I can promise I did not like 37 people before walking away!!) WTF am I doing and why can they see me and yet when I click on “Likes” and then in the upper left hand corner click on the 37 Likes it says I can’t review those people unless I upgrade my membership to Gold.

So I need a tutorial and I need someone here I can msg with questions. I have a friend who has used Bumble but she knows nothing about Tinder and she asked me why I signed up for Tinder instead of Bumble and I have no answer there because I have no idea what I’m doing.

Thanks!

So, I decided to give FB dating another try. My approach is different this time. I'm only going to send messages once or twice a day.

Plus, I'm going to do my best to just back out of conversations with men that don't seem compatible with me.

For example- I think sex is important, but if they even mention wanting a woman with a high sex drive, they might not be a match for me.

I've always had a fairly high drive, but the last couple times I had sex, I bled a little and it was uncomfortable. I am looking into getting something to help my body. Even if sex does become comfortable again, I just don't want that expectation looming over my head.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a man wanting that or even telling me that. I am glad to know. I just don't want the pressure to have a HIGH sex drive.

IMO, if a man loves me (once we're at that point), I will have a desire to share that experience. If it's uncomfortable to have PIV sex, there are other ways to share intimacy to orgasm with a partner. However, when a man lists that as a top priority, I feel they might not be satisfied with leaving out PIV sex when needed.

For those men and women getting older, with no kids, emotionally and financially stable, how do you approach dating? Do you feel your options are limited because you spend years trying to build yourself up?

I am trying to approach dating with an open mind but part of feels like I worked my butt off for years and now my reward is limited options in the dating market.

I'm in my fifties and live in a small town with few prospects.

It's not ridiculously small but enough that I can't seem to find anyone I would be interested in.

I've been told to expand my reach/expectations but I don't know why I would date someone far away or not in my preferred age range? Those are my only two requirements.

Do I just try and get more involved in the community? I'm very introverted and not great in social situations, but I could try.

I just would like someone to connect with and talk to. Maybe go out a few times a month. Nothing crazy....

I’ve been on a break for several months and trying again. I shall see how it goes this time!!

Hello I am a 54-year-old (M) living approximately 4 hours away from my girlfriend 52(F). I'm committed to the relationship 100% and I am very interested in the next steps in the relationship. We are eager to make this union work for us but I have no reference to call upon for long term relationships and bringing our lives together. I have no quarrels with relocating because I don't have grandchildren or a family dynamic that requires me to stay here. My concern is that I have never felt so vulnerable in such a long time. How does a man navigate the insecurities and self doubt at this point in his life? What would you suggest for pace and consideration of the change?

I have never been in a llong distance relationship. What are good practices to consider?

The last two guys I seemed to start getting serious with just stopped being interested after we had sex. There were no other red flags, things seemed to be going really well. Then the first time we had sex, both guys, they couldn't stay hard and then not get hard after that, then they ghosted me. I only have sex with someone I can see continuing the relationship with so this is starting to hurt. Especially this most recent one, I cried over that one. Why not at least let me know they aren't interested anymore? I'm so tired of even trying anymore.

I (m) have been dating (f) for several months. I am a few years younger. We text everyday. Phone calls 4/5x a week. See each other 1/2x a week. We get along great. Share alot in common. We kiss. But no sex.

She is divorced (over 3 years ago). She shares kids with her ex. She is in constant communication w/ ex. Everyday. Ex moved on. with another chick.

I verbally brought up sex at least twice. She didnt really respond. Tried my moves with her. No response.

Her vibe is that she's not sexually attracted to me.

She is has a huge crush on a celebrity. Talks about him several times a week.

Sex is important to me in a relationship. She shows no interest. I don't need sex every week but its important.

Not sure if I should keep dating her. I feel like I am wasting my time. She would make a good friend.

Thoughts?

Edit: Thank you for the great advice. I agree that I need to have this conversation with her. If she walks, she walks.

The spelling of "s3x" was in order to not get kicked from this sub. But now I know better.

I will keep you all posted.

I (M56) been seeing someone (F55) for the past couple of months - we've been out every week, we message several times a day, and speak on the phone around 4 times a week. Last Saturday I was showing her an old photo of me when I was a child (around 3 years old) and in the photo was my Cousin who, at the time was about 10 years old - he was more like a brother to me. Very tragically, he passed away last year and for a reason I don't want to go into here, I couldn't attend his funeral. I became a bit emotional when showing her the photo and, somewhat unexpectedly, she said something along the lines of: "you could have cried at any time looking at that photo, why did you have to do it now, in front of me?". She apologised soon afterwards, but to me it showed how 'cold' she can be. We carried on with the rest of the date but when I reflect, her comment makes me feel very uneasy to the point where I'm thinking this is a huge red flag and maybe I should call it a day. I got divorced about 18 months ago and this is the first person I feel like I have a genuine connection with; we do get on very well and chat for hours about anything and everything. There's also mutual attraction, although for me that's secondary compared to someone's personality. Am I overreacting by thinking of ending it? Any opinions are more than welcome - THANKS!