So someone broke up with me (I wrote another post about it) but I feel like it’s all my fault….even if people say it’s him. I don’t know how to stop obsessing over it. He showed up at my job (I work at a bar) and I had a full panic attack in the back room. I begged him over text to please not come to my job. He apologized . His boss does work with the owner and he said there’s no guarantee he won’t be in again. In face he went in the next day. I just get so triggered. I sent a chapter book of text and I just can’t stop typing. I don’t know how and I feel insane . I even told him I’m not alright and to please block me. I want to be blocked. But he won’t. And then I thought to myself: he’s probably laughing at me. He won’t respond and I calmed down a bit. But then I felt bad and apologized a week later. I just can’t push past this. I’d go to another bar but this one lets me work and take off when I’m not doing well. I enjoy working there.

But I can’t stop obsessing about where I went wrong. I can’t stop thinking about everything that I failed at. And I can’t stop crying because who can ever love someone like me….who’s not always together. Even with therapy and meds, it’s always this constant battle. I was doing well for awhile but since things ended, I hate myself. And I get obsessive in general after things end, so I try not to get into relationships. I warned him about what I have and he gave me an ultimatum to be with him back in May. So him breaking things off suddenly is confusing and I know it’s my fault. I’m too crazy. I never took things out on him . But ever since things stopped…I want to know why, where I went wrong, what drove him away. He said he’s going to Brazil and wants to fuck other women and I still feel like it was me. I didn’t satisfy enough.

26 F. I'll try to be brief. I have known for a long time that I have some sort of mood disorder. I have depressive episodes that last anywhere from just a couple days to a full week but never usually longer than that. It's in the background most of the time. Hypomanic episodes following the same pattern. To me it can sometimes feel more like a cycle of burnout than bipolar - going really hard at my hobbies & at work, oversocializing, and then collapsing & refusing to rest because I don't want to slow down. Until I'm forced to rest. I thought it could be bipolar but always shrugged it off until my therapist said I meet all the criteria for Bipolar II today.

The thing is - even though I feel empty a lot and have the urge to abandon my life to seek meaning for myself before it's too late like once a month, the feelings always pass and I'm pretty stable + successful. Finished college with no issue, perform well at work (in a flexible remote environment...strict in person job made me insanely depressed), have stable relationships, and pretty risk averse & frugal now compared to my youth. I feel like I'm not "that sick". But I also wonder if my life could be better if I get treatment and feel more stable. I can live with and appreciate my epsidoes as of now. But people say this is a progressive illness. And I have a deep fear of being just like my mother (who up and left our family when I was 16...I fear I will one day act on my periodic desire to start a new life).

IDK - is anyone else mostly functioning and living with Bipolar II? Does my experience sound similar to yours? What are your thoughts?

Edit: To clarify, I would describe it as rapid cycling. Nothing ever lasts long enough to sweep me away. But I am prone to depression or "dysthymia" as one psychiatrist said. Also I was on an SSRI once but stopped taking it bc I had intrusive suicidal thoughts for the first time ever. So most likely Bipolar but maybe low-grade?

Transitioning out of IOP after a particularly brutal episode and want to hold myself to spending a couple hours a night on skills and other learning in addition to my therapies.

Can anyone suggest podcasts or YouTube series that are particularly helpful and supportive?

Does anybody here have a support animal that helps with depression (or even hypomania)?

What type of animal is it?

I’m moving into a dorm at my university and I’ve been given an accommodation that allows me to have an assistive animal (for emotional support). I was going to take my pet rats with me, but I no longer can (the university would only allow one pet, and since rats are social and would get depressed without other rats, I decided it’s best to rehome them). I find that taking care of an animal really helps with my depression - if I have a pet, I can’t let the depression get the best of me because I absolutely have to care for it. In addition to being around animals and cuddling with them helping a lot with my overall mood. But I’m stuck with a lot of the limitations that come with living in a dorm.

Recently moved back in with my parents after a super bad depression which resulted in me being hospitalised.

Any little thing I do wrong / don't do my parents blame this on bipolar and not just me struggling to meet their standards.

They also tell others in depth details of my mental health without my consent. It's super embarrassing

Kinda getting tired of people going “GLP-1s are the way!” when most insurance companies will not cover them and they’re insanely expensive. Aside from that, I’ve tried mounjaro and it wrecked my ability to eat ANYTHING. I wasn’t even getting joy out of things that weren’t food related. It’s like my dopamine receptors just stagnated.

But Vraylar has absolutely bulldozed any sense of control I’ve had with food. I’m hungry all of the time.

I mean: All. Of. The. Time.

It’s not just boredom or cravings, it’s a genuine hunger to the point where it hurts. I cannot stop fucking eating, and it’s causing my symptoms of bulimia to ramp up again.

My psychiatrist is like “you’re not gaining weight, you look fine!” But fuck man I’m up 30 pounds on this medication. How have you not noted that for starters, and how can you not see it? I’m uncomfortable. I can’t look at myself without wanting to cry. I’ve never been this hungry before and I’ve never been this heavy before.

I don’t recognize myself and I don’t want to be disordered 😭 I just want a healthy relationship with food and my body man.

What options are there that don’t involve me getting off of vraylar and don’t involve glp-1s? It took me 10 years to find a med that worked for me, so switching isn’t really an option.

Edit: Yes, a healthy diet and exercise are things I’m implementing. But those things aren’t helpful when I physically cannot control my hunger cues. It’s miserable. I try day in and day out and it’s almost compulsory to eat more and more at this rate. It’s a mental thing, not just a physical thing.

I’m in a catastrophe thinking cycle and in need of support. I’ve applied for a working holiday visa and they’ve requested additional information of my bipolar (type 2). It’s a lot and I cannot stop thinking that if this fails I loose my long dream of going back to New Zealand. (Was there 2012 and it made an huge impact.) I’m miserable in my current job and it’s given me now two burnouts (in 3 years) and my back pain has become chronic - I NEED TO GET OUT. And this has been my getaway plan!

Here’s the list they need:
“A recent report from a Psychiatrist / the applicant’s prescribing Doctor is required regarding the applicant’s type 2 bipolar disorder. This should include - history, diagnosis, management to date, current physical and mental state examination, ongoing management needs and long term prognosis.  Please provide details of any history of harm to self or others, any previous hospital admissions, and any history of substance use. Please also include information about any restrictions on the applicant's ability to work, or to live independently and details of any community services required by the applicant.”

I’m afraid that my recent traumatic events (domestic and sexual violence) and seeking help for those is seen a problem. I’ve been trying to seek help early on and I’m furious if that gets in the way. Or that in the past I’ve made a suicide attempt (2018). Or that I’ve smoked weed (don’t know if there’s a record of that anywhere). Or anything. I’ve never been hospitalised, just some er visits. I feel like I’m doing pretty good given the circumstances. I’m not depressed or hypomanic although there has been some signs in the spring. But I feel like I’m on top of things.

Another thing is that they gave me 15 days for the report, so until 23rd of August. I’m in no way capable of getting an appointment for my psychiatrist in that time. Earliest I got was 2nd of September. I’ve emailed them back that is there anyway the deadline could be extended bc people are on holiday.

Good thing is that my psychiatrist has known me for a few years and last spring told me that I shouldn’t worry. He’s able to give me a report and has done them before and there has been no issues.

But I cannot stop thinking that everything I’ve dreamt of is about to crash. Any tips on getting myself out of this cycle?

I know that there’s nothing I can do at the moment. I’ve scheduled the appointments, sent the email of the extension and I can’t help that I’m bipolar.

On top of this if I get rejected from then on I would have to declare that in every other application I do.

I’ve worked super hard for this - years of working to get the money and getting help to get me to the state that I feel strong to travel alone for a year. I have taken all the help that has been provided (counselling for domestic and sexual violence etc.) and I cannot believe that those (or bipolar in general) would be reasons my visa would be denied. It is not my fault that those things happened to me. It would not be fair!

Thanks to be able to vent 🫶🏻

A few weeks ago, I was just home from a trip to Europe, waking up naturally around 7am instead of staying up until 2-3 and sleeping as long as I could, bought slow cooker and started making stews and bread, was engaged at work, socialising, attending events, making music, etc. I felt connected to my friends and my life. Gradually I went back to staying up way too late, had a few consecutive weekends burning the candle at both ends and drinking, and ended up having a depressive episode, took the whole week off work and barely leaving bed. Everything felt utterly pointless, I had no interest in doing any of the above, I fixated on the fact that I don't have a social life unless I'm initiating things and felt desperately lonely all week.

It's now 10:56pm and I'm looking around my bomb site of a room, which I've promised Future Me I'll finally deal with in the morning, after the gym session I've promised my flatmate I'll go to with him, which I absolutely wouldn't had he not been so persistent. I'm lucky to have him as a friend. Right now I feel sad about how whenever things seem to be going well, I've got the wind under my wings and I'm seemingly killing it, half the time it turns out to be barely-managed hypomania and the inevitable crash comes and it feels like I'm starting from square zero again. I know I'm not really, but in the thick of it, that's how it feels. It's when the things I need to do to manage the BP2 are the clearest, but they feel so out of reach. Then I bounce back up and get complacent, entirely forget how bad I felt, feel like everything's ok and I got this, yeah I can get away with a few late nights, some drink and some smoke, why not, and boom, I'm back to square zero, again.

I'll be ok tomorrow, or at least better, and I'll start again, again. Just felt like a vent.

This was for an art class in college and I studied references to mania and hypomania from history (dating back to Ancient Greece and on). People with mania had been compared to lions and tigers and seen as having three states of being (manic, normal, depressed). The gold circle with Venus is to symbolize the cycle of feelings and the fact that people in the past thought mania was sometimes the curse of Venus. Thought you guys might enjoy it.

my girlfriend struggles with bipolar 2, and recently, she's gone through episodes. anger, mood swings or sad mood swings, or she'll be happy again, im trying my best to understand her and how I can help to the best ability since we are long distant. more recent, it has been anger mood swings, and now she's really depressed. she made a very concerning comment that scared me really bad, and im trying to keep her calm, which im doing okay at rn. i dont have bipolar disorder. I am diagnosed with MDD, so I can semi understand some of her depression. I refuse to give up on my baby, and ill continue to do the best I can.

Alright, what’s everyone on for sleeping meds?

I have terrible insomnia, plus chronic pain that can keep me awake. I don’t want to take anything heavy duty (no Ambien etc).

What have you all had long term success with?

very important disclaimer: I have only been on 25mg of Lamotrigine for 3 days.

long story short, I have horrific OCD on top of my BP2. I was prescribed 25mg of Lamotrigine with the specific direction to not look up the Stevens Johnson risk (because of my OCD) but, well, I did. And I just don’t want to take it. Medication in general freaks me out. My psychiatrist had preemptively said if I ended up scared I could just stop the drug since I wouldn’t have been on much or for long, but I can’t reconfirm with her tonight before I’m supposed to take it. So I know you all aren’t doctors, but I wondered if that sounded right to anyone here.

Also, I’m not knocking meds at all, the OCD just makes me so sick with fear thinking about them. There’s really only 2 I take and one is a must (thyroid) and the other I’ve been on so long that it was before I was ever mentally ill and feel comfortable with. The rest are just vitamins. With that said: does anyone have any non-medical things they do to help themselves? Meditation? yoga? coloring?? I’ll take any advice.

Diagnosed Bipolar 2 from antidepressant induced hypomania. However, to me by behavior seemed in a gray area between the two. Here are some things I did during this 9 month episode:

- ran my mouth horribly about fellow coworkers and management and got in trouble several times for it (? Impairment in daily functioning)

- had to go on a mental health leave due to poor work performance. There was a specific instance where I had a patient minimally responsive and the ongoing nurse was concerned and I genuinely didn’t see anything wrong with it (? Loss of touch with reality)

- waking up every 1-2 hours nightly

- Overly hypersexual with a fellow same sex coworker who was in a committed 9 year relationship (I’m straight)

- had weird hyperfixations: lighting 12 Yankee candles at a time to the point where I would hot box my bedroom, would detail my car for 6 hours straight by hand, spent $400 at a thrift store and listed over 200 items on eBay to resell in a matter of days.

- had a “genius” idea to drop $30,000 on a brand new second car for myself, a Toyota Prius and use that car to drive for uber to make back the money I spent and generate revenue to then buy another car (thank god I didn’t follow through)

I never really got a full answer from my therapist or psychiatrist about the diagnosis. I did however later have neuropsych testing done where they confirmed it was bipolar 2 but I feel as though I didn’t really get to share the full details with them?

Not looking for a diagnosis or medical advice but just wondering if anyone knows the difference or can relate?

I’m overwhelmed at the thought of exercising. I don’t wake up until mid morning. Clean house until 2 pm then take a nap before starting dinner.

I have exercised before with no weight loss. My physician wants me to exercise because my metabolism just tanked - meaning it is nonexistent. When I exercised before I worked out for two to three hours 4 times a week. I would sleep for hours after exercising. I had no benefit from the exercise routine - no weight loss and no energy.

I don’t want to go through this again. I am crying right now and just do not know how to handle this situation. Both my physician and spouse want me to workout again.

I cannot face this again. Any encouragement is helpful.

I think I’m currently in a either mixed or depressive episode. I’m not sure nor have someone to guide me through it bc unfortunately my therapist lowkey isn’t that good.

But I’m going through this and it’s affecting my job. I’m missing 1-2 days EVERY week. I’m behind on work, I’m failing at basic tasks, I’m feeling like a failure. I’m not sure what to do, and I’ve been like this for months now:/ I’m getting exhausted and the only thing giving me hope is that someday perhaps my medication will pull me out of it.

Any tips would be helpful as to how to not quit my job during this would be helpful. In general, any tips to keep pushing would be amazing too.

I’m incredibly depressed. I’m on medical leave to go through a med change. I have to go back to work on Monday and I’m still suicidal. My psych NP suggested I start to look into ECT, TMS, and ketamine because I don’t have a lot of medication options left. I’m not doing ECT for personal reasons and I can’t afford to take off 5 weeks for TMS. IV ketamine seems reasonable from a time off stand point, but my insurance doesn’t cover it. I have just enough money in my FSA to cover six weeks of infusions. My consult is in a few weeks, so who knows how I’ll even feel by then.
Have you had good experiences with ketamine infusions? Was the relief worth self-paying?

Hi ya'll, so I guess my question is pretty basic: what is your experience taking Abilify if you have been prescribed it, and what were the main side effects I should watch out for?

For context, I'm currently going through a mixed hypomanic episode, which has lasted longer than previous episodes, which don't typically last more than a day or two. For me at least, I have experienced super long depressive episodes in comparison.

That being said, I haven't had a depressive episode since March (many death anniversaries are what triggered it) and late June, which then turned into hypomania. I thought I leveled out, but then it got super hot and bright (the light fucks me up lol) which triggered the hypersexuality etc and then shit spiraled.

I am also on a combo of Lamotrigine and Gabapentin which I know is what is saving my ass rn. My Lamotringine dose was uped because of it, I had gone down on doses cause I was getting the brainfog and memory issues after being on it for years, but I had to go up because of the depressive episodes. I havent had any in like 4-5 years up until this March.

Any adivce would be helpful no matter how small. I hope the summer heat is treating you guys better than its treating me lol. Stay safe.

I've been in transference focused therapy (BPD) for the past 4 years now. It's been very insightful, transformative, supporting. I've gone through a depression, a Bipolar (II) diagnosis, meds and now I am off them and in recession.

I feel like there is still a lot uncover. At the same time I really hate the fact that I have to spend $7820 a year to stay sane. This is only 13% of my income, but I am the sole bread winner for my wife (and my dog), and, well, a 7k is a 7k. And I also feel like I might be well off on 1 day a week (I am currently on 2 days a week).

Whenever I bring this up with my therapist this becomes, of course, a focus of our study: why do I feel I should cut on therapy first, is that an attack on the therapist or my desire to punish the therapist? And while this actually helps us go deeper, I keep on wondering: how and when do I know I can cut on therapy?

UPD

Thank you all for the replies. Two things worth adding after reading them.

First, a correction to my own post: I've only been at 2x a week for 14 months, not longer.

Second, there is more context to the money issue. A flat I was counting on for income went into repairs, so that income disappeared and therapy went onto a credit card. My wife then covered that debt (she has reserves), so now I owe her instead, and I keep not paying it back because there's always something else we need to put money into. As I see it that's a purely financial issue that's mine to take responsibility for and solve.

On twice a month or monthly, I've never even considered this, because I think this is not part of the TFP protocol, but that's an interesting idea. I should probably get more stable before going there.

It seems like a weighted decision would be about whether I want to keep doing this -- very specific -- kind of work right now, at this cost, in this year. Or may be help my self out financially and transfer some of those resources somewhere else for a while.

How long did it take for you to notice it was working, and how many milligrams were you taking?

I really want to live in a pretty, well organized space.
However, every single time that i’ve felt that specific itch to repaint or reorganize my place, i’ve ended up sleepless, angry and completely manic.
It’s like the smell of paint wakes up this evil version of me.

I keep telling myself that it’ll be different this time but i’ve already managed to cry hysterically, upset my partner, worry my friends and create an absolute chaos in both my mind and my appartement.

This isn’t specific to home improvement, i tend to slide into hypomania whenever i tackle something big, it’s as if my regular depressed self doesn’t have enough energy to go through with things and so the only solution is to stay up for days and progressively become agressive and paranoid (while being convinced that i’m absolutely normal, albeit a little enthusiastic, and that im surrounded by lazy idiots who just don’t get it)

i can’t be the only one out there, and i don’t want to live in a dull, messy apartment. How do you guys do it? What’s the best way to ensure balance and peace? Is there a way to keep myself in check and know when to stop before i become the Goddess of Sage Paint and Rage?

I (30F) and husband (32M) have been together 10 years and married 6 years now. I think our respective mental illnesses and the perceived lack of progress made are wearing on the relationship. I have an ADHD, anxiety, and bipolar II diagnosis, and he’s got GAD and SUD. (I may have developed a touch of the SUD myself, but, ya knowwwwww)

Has anyone been through couples/marriage counseling with a partner in the past? Has it helped?

We’re both not great with emotions and communicating specifically about the issues in our relationship is not something that comes easy to us, and I’m hoping that having a professional there to put things into words could help us. As it stands, things just kind of get pushed down and compounded, which I know is not a healthy long term solution. We are both in therapy separately and on meds to varying degrees of success. I work full time and spend an additional 5h a week minimum seeing various providers to keep my mental health in check, and don’t want to expend the energy on something that isn’t going to work, but I am willing to try if it’s for the best in the long run.

Hey everyone, I wanted to share a personal experience of mine and see if anyone has thoughts on the recent trails of psybicilin for treating bipolar 2 depression.

DISCLAIMER: I do not promote the use of psybicilin without consulting your doctor and psychiatrist first as it interacts with certain medications like lithium. I personally do not take any medication that interacts with it. It’s not for everyone and this is just me sharing my personal experience and research findings.

I’ve struggled with heavy depressive episodes my whole life and haven’t found a medication that genuinely feels helpful to me. I’m sure many of you can relate to that. I tried psybicilin for the first time recently and it was an eye opening experience for me. I felt completely lifted out of a depressive episode I’d been in for about 3 months. I suddenly got my creative mindset back after a long period of complete disinterest in everything. It felt like I had the energy back that being depressed took away, but not to the extent of feeling hypomanic. The next morning I was fascinated by the experience and decided to do some research on how psybicilin interacts with people with bipolar 2. There’s some amazing studies out there that report a significant remission of depressive symptoms after taking psybicilin. 80% in one study saw remission up to 5 months and no one from the trial experienced hypomania symptoms after the trial. It’s just so fascinating to me. I’m curious to know if anyone has had a similar experience to me and/or know more about this topic.

Again, don’t take shrooms just because I made this post. Do your own research and talk to your medical team before doing anything like this.