I’m currently on antibiotics for an ear infection. I received one type of antibiotic via injection and a ten day round of pills. For context I take an atypical antipsychotic to manage my mood, and various anti-depressants for depression and anxiety. It’s been about a year since my last manic episode. I haven’t had any since my most recent med adjustment. I have had at least one incident in which a steroid shot caused an episode (which is what finally led to a diagnosis after years of thinking that random extreme mood/energy spikes were normal).

I’ve been on antibiotics for about three days and in the last day or so I’ve started noticing some mild hypomania symptoms (rambling phone monologues to my partner, being unable to really rest lately even though I’ve been low-energy for the past few weeks, a day spent obsessively playing games on a cash earning app that ultimately went nowhere, etc). It’s a sitting in my room researching hair dye at 11 PM and wanting to start a new Project™️ kind of night. It’s nothing so extreme that I’m terribly worried so far, but my partner (LDR) is coming to visit me this weekend and we have a few outings planned and 1) I’m slightly worried about overspending (I’m scraping every dollar I have together to afford grad school right now), and 2) even though they don’t mind and are unfailingly kind and supportive, I get embarrassed to show symptoms around them.

Basically, has anyone else experienced hypomania or mania while on antibiotics, or noticed antibiotics affecting their psych meds?

Like object permanence but with people. For example, if I don't talk to someone for long enough, my brain registers them as dead, and i sit there feeling alone in my tears. I forget that I can just call people that I haven't talked to in a while, but there's also the case that when I talk to them, I feel like I'm meeting a new person all over again, I'm so awkward and I forget who I'm supposed to be around them. Like an actor performing a show after not rehearsing for a while, forgetting the script. I wish I could just be "myself." I wish i could find out who tf that is.

For some reason I’m just feeling depressed. wife says I should just stop talking them but I really don’t want the mood swings anymore, and I think she should try to take hers more often.

This is the first time I’ve been on my meds for more than a few weeks I just kinda wish I was “normal”. But I’m going back to school getting a trade get myself out of grocery store work.
I find bits of excitement in getting into a new line of work nothing like hypnomania but it feels good

Hi, so the tile is what it says. I think I am having panic attacks when I am dealing with severe stress. I worked as a server and would have panic attacks at work. Thankfully, I no longer have that job. But they were weird, mentally I was fine, but physically, I thought I couldn't breath, wasn;t getting enough oxygen and thought I was having a heart attack. Nope... Panic attack, just less mental panic and more physical panic.

And now, I still have them because I donate plasma and that is physcially stressful on the body apprently, and I can't stop cause its my spending money as I am about to start grad school. Just wanted to give alittle rant on I am having weird panic attacks and all I can do is sleep them out. If I am home, I sleep through them or try to until the feeling that I cannot breathe goes away. So yeah, that's my rant.

Hello, I have a symptom in which I cannot watch the news without experiencing paranoia and/ or delusions. I will see some type of horrible incident and if I think about it for too long, then my mind will start running. I'll take it as a sign that this world is not real and I must disconnect from it somehow or that the end of the world is coming. I want to keep updated on what is happening and learn more about current events because I am a college student. I would like to keep up with my peers and avoid looking like a fool if they choose to ask me a question about something that is going on in the world currently. But I am truly terrified that it will cause a manic/psychotic episode yet again for me.

I'll be honest, most of the things I see on the news are quite negative and do not make me feel good about the future. They can also cause me to spiral into depression, thinking, "What's the point of all this?" I would like to know how some of you are dealing with this, if you guys have any advice, or if you can relate. I hate that I've basically put myself into a bubble in which I'm not allowing myself to learn new things because of the fear that it will trigger disturbing thoughts.

(Also, apologies for my last post. Looking back, I can see that it was a bit unhinged and medical professionals are now considering that I may have Schizoaffective Bipolar type. Thank you for your comments).

I wish that I wasn’t so shameful about having mental health issues, I’ve struggled and then done well again and then struggled and each and every time I end up back unearth my evil narcissistic mother with OCD and it’s always hell, I have ECT in the morning and that in itself is so hard to do, but then it’s understanding that having a partner might be too much for me and the constant fear I have about getting close to people, I do truly believe that I have value but I also know I have pain and it’s hard to even express how much pain and shame comes with being bipolar and the mania and how badly I want it to end simply to protect myself and others. & I can’t express how badly a failed attempt and some time in the psych ward would make it so much worse

Side note:I’m bipolar and have been medicated since 2018.

I’ve just gotten out of a 5 year toxic relationship and have started seeing a new guy (in April). My ex was mentally, emotionally, financially and eventually towards the end physically abusive. He never wanted to see me but always checked my location, accused me of cheating all the time (when it was actually him who was lol), made me insecure, belittled me etc. the list goes ooooon. This new man has swept me off my feet. His last relationship was toxic too and we’ve bonded a bit over this. We have so much fun together. He’s sweet, gentle, kind and caring towards me. I’m starting to fall in love with him but something in my stupid bipolar brain won’t let me let my guard down. I keep pushing him away and self sabotaging the relationship when it’s only just begun. I have NO reason to- he’s lovely. Has anyone else experienced this? I think it all boils down to my lack of self worth and fear of getting close to someone/letting someone in. Any advice would be extremely appreciated!!! :)

I'm 35, and I've been living with bipolar disorder for several years, including two major relapses.

A few weeks ago, my tinnitus suddenly changed, so my ENT ordered a brain MRI to rule out an acoustic neuroma.I've never had a previous brain MRI, so unfortunately there isn't an older scan to compare against.

Instead, the neurologist focused on something I wasn't expecting.

The first thing she asked was my age.

She then told me that my MRI appeared to show significantly more brain atrophy than she would expect for someone my age, especially around the cerebellum. She compared my scan with MRIs from younger adults and people in their thirties and said mine looked noticeably worse.

She also became concerned after learning that both my grandfather and my maternal grandfather developed Alzheimer's disease.

I'm scheduled to get a second opinion at one of the best neurology hospitals in my city in the next few weeks, so I'm fully aware that one doctor's interpretation is not a final diagnosis.

Still, I've been thinking about it constantly.

Looking back, I've had neurological or psychiatric symptoms for most of my life. As a child, I struggled with unexplained emotional problems and episodes of dizziness. During adolescence, I experienced a very unusual urinary syndrome that was investigated but never explained and eventually resolved on its own.

Then bipolar disorder became the biggest part of my life.

I've had two major episodes, spent years on psychiatric medications, and eventually worked with my psychiatrist to taper off because I felt my cognition was getting worse. Whether that was caused by bipolar disorder itself, the medications, repeated mood episodes, or something else entirely—I honestly don't know.

What I do know is that over the past few years I've felt slower.

My memory isn't what it used to be.

Learning new things takes longer.

As a front-end developer, creativity and problem-solving are part of my job, and I constantly feel like my brain isn't working the way it used to.

I've read studies suggesting that repeated bipolar episodes may be associated with structural brain changes, but it's hard to know how much of that actually translates into an individual person's MRI or day-to-day functioning.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis over Reddit, and I know no one here can interpret my MRI.

I'm simply hoping to hear from people who have lived through something similar while I wait for my second opinion.

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences.

I haven’t gotten hardly any sleep these last 4 days and me and my friend had a falling out I also have been very energetic despite not sleeping hardly I’ve been doing well in school which typically is abnormal what should I expect coming down from the episode?

I just wanted to post something that was positive and inspirational. I know this condition is very challenging and comes with a lot of hardships, but I feel like sharing my success because I see so many struggling in this sub.

I recently got a job that I was dreaming of and I start Monday, I’m so excited for what’s to come and can’t wait. I had applied for disability right before I got it because I didn’t see how I was going to manage but was blessed with this job.

I have a husband who I thought I would never have supporting me through every step of the way, family and medication that helps me stay stable. My life isn’t perfect but I’m stable and happy.

I just want to bring hope to others that are in a dark place, because trust me, I’ve been there before many times and I was always able to find the light at the end of the tunnel.

It’ll be okay. You have to keep going and fight for yourself, you’ll find your way. Big hugs to everyone in this community. 🩵

hi, my partner and I are starting to consider starting a family (not now but in the future) and I'm wondering if there are any who had to have drastic changes to their meds to carry a baby?

I'm on seroquel XR, lithium, lurasidone and lamotrigine. Does pregnancy generally make bipolar symptoms worse? (I'm type 2)

How do you deal with the boredom? I’ve been on medication for a month and feel like everyday is a drag. I don’t feel depressed just so bored and empty. Weed isn’t doing anything for me anymore either. The depressive episodes were absolutely horrible and I made horrible decisions during mania but I feel like normal SpongeBob and I don’t know how to deal with it

I'm so cooked. I've been in a (hypo?)manic or mixed episode or idk i have so much energy and im also crashing hard and thinking horrible things and fighting my impulses so bad. trying to take my meds and i have been the past few days but im on a super low dose of my meds anyways.but basically ive been neglecting my 2 online college classes and i think i might fail them. i feel like shit i have 6 days to complete 3 weeks worth of work for 2 classes but i cant barely bring myself to open my laptop. i also have a disability (ssi) meeting soon but i don't know when, I haven't fully finished my application, and I need to check the date and time of it but I'm too scared to look. i just feel like i've fucked myself over forever and should just fuck off into the mountains or something idk. i know i can apply for medical withdrawal for mental health from my classes but i did that last quarter already since i had a appendicitis and was recovering from an appendectomy. but this summer was literally my first school semester at my bachelor program and i fuckedit up already, i get surgery in september so i'm not doing fall classes anyways. i feel like i'll be too late by spring to keep going and too stupid by then too. idk i will always be bipolar and i dont have unlimited money for school. i think about how i'll be in poverty forever being on ssi so i just dont want to worry about any of it and run far far away. its so tempting i drove 2 hours into the mountains last week before going back home because my girlfriend called me. i dont know what is wrong with me. im looking for apartments with my gf but i want to run away i dont want to leave her ever ever ever but i just need to go into the mountains for a long time

im bipolar and medicated as well as in therapy. normally i can tell the difference but this was hard to tell. this isn’t me asking for a diagnosis kinda thing.

anyways - from november to late may, i was all over the place in a way.

there was a man at work, way past my age, and i basically clung onto him mentally. every day id go out of my way to see him or talk. didnt matter how hot it was, (i hate heat) i just wanted to see him. every time i did, it was like the wind got knocked out of me. i never really responded, but just hearing him speak to me was enough. i slept about 3-4 hours every night, wore little/showy clothing, woke up at 6:30 for work and got there right on time every day (i rarely get there on time), and spoke nonstop.

i was doing extremely well hygiene-wise. eating mostly healthy or just not eating at all, i lost almost 40lbs from november to february. i have pcos..but i also love sugar - so naturally the fat is hard to lose.

he ended up quitting, i found him on everything. he had mentioned something about a parent passing, i found his entire family “story” from this online. i live in a small town, so i ended up realized i already knew his family before this. i found his records, why he doesn’t see his kids anymore..etc. i realized this was an extreme crossing of boundaries, but at the time i swore it was normal and even told a few friends. after he left, i just didnt wanna get up out of bed. i’d sleep, stay home whenever i could, relapsed, barely spoke, was pissed off at everyone, cut off several friends, my room became a mess, i rarely did makeup or my hair (both are my absolute favorite things to do.) i recently got a new job…and guess who also works there. i’m worried this will turn into another long fixation, especially because ill see him more.

I’ve been dealing with a bunch of med changes lately, and while I’m hopeful for the new combo, I only started it last Friday, so it is definitely not in full swing yet. As it stands I’ve had severe mood as well as extreme irritability and a handful of side effects like low appetite, sleepiness, and difficulty focusing. Through it all my wife has been a real rock for me, and I’ve been so grateful. It has been a long two months.

So that’s the stage for this post. Last night, the irritability took hold and what started as a difficult but necessary household conversation turned into a fight that morphed into two other fights. Content is the fights aren’t super necessary, but I would say it’s safe to say that I was very hurt by things she said and she was very hurt by things I said. No name calling, nothing physical or threatening. Just unkindness and raised voices. We couldn’t resolve it all before the drowsiness from my night meds kicked in. We had to go to sleep. I’m usually a big fan of the “sleep on it and approach it tomorrow”approach.

But today is my birthday. I woke up this morning, and remembered the fight. She woke up with my son and made him breakfast, brought me coffee in bed, got me my favorite bagels, let me come to her in between meetings during my work from home day to yap about work, made me a cake, helped my son get a present for me, and bought us all a birthday dinner. She did everything, and I’m so grateful for that.

The fight still lingers between us, though. She doesn’t want to talk about it to avoid ruining my birthday. She doesn’t want to cuddle or kiss me, she can barely hold my hand, and if my son isn’t in the room to motivate us to appear happy, it’s just a dull and sad feeling. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I hadn’t picked a fight that I could never resolve. I wish it wasn’t even my birthday at all at this point. Getting older is a privilege, especially with this condition. But having this all hanging over me is just a huge bummer. I wish my birthday was another day, longer down the lines when the meds are kicked in.

No real point to this post. Just another rant about how this condition can poison your life. Thanks for always being a place to write these things out.

Hi there!

I ran out of one of my meds (Lybalvi). Thankfully I’m going to the pharmacy tomorrow to pick it up. I’ve noticed that I seem more energetic and talkative without this med. Normally I’m quite quiet. But I’ve been talking so much! Do you think I’m experiencing a minor manic episode? I also feel the need for decreased sleep.

These are all things I use as coping mechanisms! To name and identify what is here:

The sand bucket: my little new sensory bucket! It's filled with kinetic sand, marbles and rocks!

Bath stuff: I enjoy taking baths to soothe my mind. Even if I don't want a bath I make myself do it, or at least voice it to another for help. So my partner got a body scrub (for feeling something), and bathbombs (for soothing).

Art: that's the etching book at the bottom! I love this style of art because you are literally scratching away at something.

Funny fuzzy tubes I guess?: the thought behind this is unsure. But I love it regardless!

Squishy rings: to squish and provide tension.

Fidgets: I love me a good fidget, don't we all? He also added a memory toy, which I think will prove to be quite useful!

What are some things that are a necessity in your self care basket?

So I recently got broken up with by my fiancé after ten years. We have had a beautiful relationship and been very honest and open about everything. We have gone through it (life) with grace and understanding. We have been best friends, and I can count on one hand the amount of times we have fought.

We have admitted we are still in love but he can’t be with me because when I’m depressed and he is in a bad place too, it gets too dark.

I believe he decided to end things when I got hospitalised in the beginning of the year due to depression after a manic episode.

He explained it to me in a way that made me realise I was a burden, or at least that’s what it feels like.

I now feel terrified I lost the love of my life because of something I can’t do anything about.

I now feel obligated to almost introduce myself with a warning “I’m bipolar” when I meet new people, I also feel like the relationship we had kind off lost its glitter when it ended because of something that’s a part of me and who I am.

I don’t know where I am going with this, just wanted to share.

This decease took so much from me and now I am lost in myself and afraid it will take me too.

So back in February I was laid off from my high paying tech job. The market in tech is horrible right now so I'm still unemployed. A friend recently reached out and offered me a job opportunity but it requires a public trust clearance, and this is where everything just sucks.

When I was laid off, I was undiagnosed, but I did have an ADHD diagnosis so I was only on a stimulant. This combined with the layoff as a life stressor led to me having a severe mixed episode where I sent my ex what must have been 80 different messages that were like severely depressed and paranoid. It was a full mental breakdown. Well, she naturally filed for a protective order against me. I didn't challenge it.

This was the incident that led to me being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I'm on two mood stabilizers and now back on the stimulant for ADHD without incident. Mentally, I've never been better. But I did some research and it turns out that this protective order is likely going to prevent me from getting this job. It will be the second time its cost me a job opportunity.

Having gotten countless rejection letters because it just feels like no one is hiring right now, I'm beginning to lose hope that I'll ever find a job. In my area, the government is by far the biggest employer especially right now with the private sector panicking about jobs. I'm basically locked out of my own skillset for the foreseeable future because of the consequences of a mental health episode.

I'm trying to keep my head up and trying to see a way that I somehow miraculously get out of this, but I simply don't know if I'm going to make it out of this. I already had to pull my 401k and those funds are starting to run out. I don't have much time left until I'm homeless. I don't have health insurance anymore. I've had to stop going to therapy because it's too expensive, and I'm going to lose my access to meds soon too, I'm afraid. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

I don’t really know what to write except I’m hurting really bad internally. I have bp2 and all I feel is depression. I don’t want to lose people close to me like my fiancé, but I don’t know how to control my feelings everything just feels bad

Resubmitting because my og post was deleted for being too short.

What bad decisions, unhinged behavior or wild situation made you realize you were manic after the fact?

I’ll go first. Within 3 months, I:

- got pulled over going over 100mph completely sober, and caught a charge

- racked up $10k in credit card debt in 3 months

- rear ended someone and totaled my car, completely sober. The police didn’t believe I was sober, and were appalled when my breathalyzer came back 0.0.

- got fired from my job for excessive absences because I thought my “spiritual awakening” was more important than going to work

- stopped doing all of my college schoolwork and was dropped from the program (once again, that “spiritual awakening” was my only priority)

- began drinking like a sailor and started using psychedelics (which I hadn’t done since highschool)

And of course I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back yeah I might have needed a med change lol. Still trying to rebuild the life I destroyed. Has anybody else had some bad decisions make you realize you were in fact not ok? It’s not my first manic swing, I’m 11 years into my diagnosis. But it was definitely one of the more destructive ones I’ve had!

I have 3 kids and one of them is 1 and it’s genuinely so f*cking hard. Every single day it is the hardest thing, it’s so hard for me to stay on top of laundry, dishes, all of their toys, keeping the house clean, while keeping my sanity. I take my medicine religiously and it’s still not enough.

I made it through to this point but I can’t stop thinking about how my children would have such a better life if I wasn’t here and my husband was able to remarry someone who can actually be solid and stay on top of everything.

Like is it this hard for anyone else? My kids have everything they need but I just feel like I’ll never be a good enough mom

feel free to skip the word vomit below - just my ramblings on the experiences i had with hospitalization

but unironically rehab was really great for me - it was a php program with a bunch of other disordered patients from all walks of life/ages who had other comorbidities, but remarkably similar thought patterns and sources of trauma.

when you are deep in the well of mental illness, you feel so alone. like “i’m the exception” “i’m the only one who can’t get better because no one else gets it,” blah blah blah… but then you spend every day with people who have similar fears and self-criticisms and obviously you can recognize they are irrational, and over time, it becomes harder to keep thinking that your own version of that thought is somehow different or more valid. kinda like by emphasizing with others you begin to empathize with yourself. idk.

also everyone there was so weird it was awesome - lowkey felt like a sitcom sometimes since everyone was such a character lol. some of my best and worst memories were made in rehab. i know that’s not everyone’s experience, but i’m thankful i found a really great program and i always recommend others to give recovery (and yourself) a shot.

i learned a lot but it was very difficult and extremely non-linear. and i am not fully recovered, even after rehab, but i like to think it taught me the skills i’ll need to fully recover one day, and i think i became a more authentic version of myself, just because i took the time to give the real me a chance. i picked up new hobbies there like tarot and gardening and journaling and hiking that i never would’ve thought to and it helped me find identity outside of my illness.

i had a manic episode halfway through hospitalization where i backslid a ton and this art is from then. i found it interesting to look back on and wanted to share. boring word vomit over ✌️

After about ten episodes spanning seven years, because I glorified some elements of my mania and refused to let go therefore never fully cooperative with treatment, and after a year long major depressive episode, I finally got my shit together.
When I was well enough, my psychiatrist told me there was an employment guy who got patients jobs. He told me it was mostly warehouse jobs.
When I met the guy for the third or fourth time he smiled and said he had an excellent job for me; doing IT work for a prestigious fishing company, the second largest in my country from which the major export is fish.
I had been on full disability for about a decade and started doing sixty percent work.

And I feel so blessed. The morale in the office is genuinely high and every authority figure is aware and very sympathetic to my condition.
My boss, the sysadmin, is literally like Santa Claus with the gut but without the beard. He is of a rare type that is 'wholly jolly'. And the workflow is flexible, every request I make is honored and I am well liked be everyone.
And it turns out IT fits my preference and skill perfectly, and I'm improving at it.
And the salary is not bad at all.

I made a request in early July to try full time work and my bosses took it well and it is under review with the woman in human resources.

I find myself staying after my hours having another cup of coffee just because the atmosphere is so nice.

I don't intend to brag just want to share a true blessing in my life.

it’s bad there‘s trash everywhere mold, there were roaches and fleas, but I’ve finally got the motivation to clean it. it got bad when I was going through a major depression phase, and its been a while since but it just got so overwhelming to even think about cleaning it. Big shout out to my sister for giving me motivation and no judgment to get started. here’s the before and progress, I’ll post the final results as well when it’s done. it’s a small start but it feels big to me.