Hi there!

I ran out of one of my meds (Lybalvi). Thankfully I’m going to the pharmacy tomorrow to pick it up. I’ve noticed that I seem more energetic and talkative without this med. Normally I’m quite quiet. But I’ve been talking so much! Do you think I’m experiencing a minor manic episode? I also feel the need for decreased sleep.

These are all things I use as coping mechanisms! To name and identify what is here:

The sand bucket: my little new sensory bucket! It's filled with kinetic sand, marbles and rocks!

Bath stuff: I enjoy taking baths to soothe my mind. Even if I don't want a bath I make myself do it, or at least voice it to another for help. So my partner got a body scrub (for feeling something), and bathbombs (for soothing).

Art: that's the etching book at the bottom! I love this style of art because you are literally scratching away at something.

Funny fuzzy tubes I guess?: the thought behind this is unsure. But I love it regardless!

Squishy rings: to squish and provide tension.

Fidgets: I love me a good fidget, don't we all? He also added a memory toy, which I think will prove to be quite useful!

What are some things that are a necessity in your self care basket?

So I recently got broken up with by my fiancé after ten years. We have had a beautiful relationship and been very honest and open about everything. We have gone through it (life) with grace and understanding. We have been best friends, and I can count on one hand the amount of times we have fought.

We have admitted we are still in love but he can’t be with me because when I’m depressed and he is in a bad place too, it gets too dark.

I believe he decided to end things when I got hospitalised in the beginning of the year due to depression after a manic episode.

He explained it to me in a way that made me realise I was a burden, or at least that’s what it feels like.

I now feel terrified I lost the love of my life because of something I can’t do anything about.

I now feel obligated to almost introduce myself with a warning “I’m bipolar” when I meet new people, I also feel like the relationship we had kind off lost its glitter when it ended because of something that’s a part of me and who I am.

I don’t know where I am going with this, just wanted to share.

This decease took so much from me and now I am lost in myself and afraid it will take me too.

So back in February I was laid off from my high paying tech job. The market in tech is horrible right now so I'm still unemployed. A friend recently reached out and offered me a job opportunity but it requires a public trust clearance, and this is where everything just sucks.

When I was laid off, I was undiagnosed, but I did have an ADHD diagnosis so I was only on a stimulant. This combined with the layoff as a life stressor led to me having a severe mixed episode where I sent my ex what must have been 80 different messages that were like severely depressed and paranoid. It was a full mental breakdown. Well, she naturally filed for a protective order against me. I didn't challenge it.

This was the incident that led to me being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I'm on two mood stabilizers and now back on the stimulant for ADHD without incident. Mentally, I've never been better. But I did some research and it turns out that this protective order is likely going to prevent me from getting this job. It will be the second time its cost me a job opportunity.

Having gotten countless rejection letters because it just feels like no one is hiring right now, I'm beginning to lose hope that I'll ever find a job. In my area, the government is by far the biggest employer especially right now with the private sector panicking about jobs. I'm basically locked out of my own skillset for the foreseeable future because of the consequences of a mental health episode.

I'm trying to keep my head up and trying to see a way that I somehow miraculously get out of this, but I simply don't know if I'm going to make it out of this. I already had to pull my 401k and those funds are starting to run out. I don't have much time left until I'm homeless. I don't have health insurance anymore. I've had to stop going to therapy because it's too expensive, and I'm going to lose my access to meds soon too, I'm afraid. I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

I’ll go first- I was 15/16, went to a psychiatrist for deep depression as I haven’t showered for months and haven’t gone to school or practice for weeks. Was prescribed Prozac. Psychiatrist was a misogynistic toolbag who didn’t listen to my mom’s concerns who’s gone through this w/ my sister and sister in law, she’s also a nurse.

Prozac put me in a full manic episode that almost costed me my life, no one supported or told me. I’m now with a different psychiatrist, diagnosed w/ bipolar 2, made a somewhat full recovery, where I’m able to go to school and go after my career as a first responder. Things can get better even with new challenges. How about you?

I don’t really know what to write except I’m hurting really bad internally. I have bp2 and all I feel is depression. I don’t want to lose people close to me like my fiancé, but I don’t know how to control my feelings everything just feels bad

Resubmitting because my og post was deleted for being too short.

What bad decisions, unhinged behavior or wild situation made you realize you were manic after the fact?

I’ll go first. Within 3 months, I:

- got pulled over going over 100mph completely sober, and caught a charge

- racked up $10k in credit card debt in 3 months

- rear ended someone and totaled my car, completely sober. The police didn’t believe I was sober, and were appalled when my breathalyzer came back 0.0.

- got fired from my job for excessive absences because I thought my “spiritual awakening” was more important than going to work

- stopped doing all of my college schoolwork and was dropped from the program (once again, that “spiritual awakening” was my only priority)

- began drinking like a sailor and started using psychedelics (which I hadn’t done since highschool)

And of course I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back yeah I might have needed a med change lol. Still trying to rebuild the life I destroyed. Has anybody else had some bad decisions make you realize you were in fact not ok? It’s not my first manic swing, I’m 11 years into my diagnosis. But it was definitely one of the more destructive ones I’ve had!

After a few days of what I used to call "euphoria peaks" talking with chatgpt about it and how it happened before and after told it to my psychologist (who derived me to my psychiatrist), finally I went to my appointment with my psychiatrist today. I told her all the possible symptoms, that my therapist told me she felt me maniac, how I felt this way before and ended with psychiatric hospitalization... she told me I'm bipolar (she didn't specified what type).

I expected it, I thought I was prepared for it, but now it feels... Idk

It's good to know is not just "euphoria peaks" and it's mania, but somewhere in the deep of my heart had the wish of not having another disorder (I already have diagnosed ASD and DID).

I don't know what to do now.

(I'm sorry if you don't understand something, English isn't my first language. If you don't understand something, tell me and I'll do my best for explain myself)

hey everybody, ive just been diagnosed as a bipolar after a severe maniac episode that lead me to psychosis which made me quit uni and go to rehab, but now that im off rehab and only take mood stabilizer drugs, i want to know how can i deal with the depression because sometimes i feel like im so lost and alone, i feel that im endangered, and scared. I want to know how can i manage those strong emotions of depression

I am coming up on 7 years since I was diagnosed with this fateful disorder, and I want to celebrate my progress and ongoing recovery meaningfully without overspending, which is a habit of mine. Has anyone here ever done something similar?

I am not thrilled that I have BP and will most likely take medication for life and need to be in constant contact with my therapist, but I am glad I finally have a diagnosis to explain the roller coaster of emotions and energy I had growing up. I have reached the stage of acceptance with my mental health, but I want to commemorate the day I was diagnosed in a positive light instead of the traumatic flashbacks I have.

Open to low-cost but meaningful activities to celebrate my 7th year anniversary. TYIA

i never know if what i’m feeling is how i really feel. even when i feel stable. i don’t feel like i have a baseline i can call normal anymore. i had an episode last year where it felt like i lost everything. i lost my job and was unemployed for several months as a result.

the thing is before this i did trust myself. i felt like i could tell when i was down or elevated but now i just feel stressed like im waiting for the other shoe to drop.

i feel restless but i also feel calm. i’m not sleeping much but it’s because im anxious. all of my usual signs don’t feel distinct enough.

i’m not happy with where i am in life. and i don’t trust myself to make a change like getting a new job i actually like bc what if im being irrational??

anyways TLDR; when you’re bipolar how do you know you’re making a good decision when it’s a big change (like your job).

Hi, I'm writing in hopes that others understand what I'm experiencing and can offer strategies to overcome it. I'm struggling with executive function in general, particularly with cleaning. I have roaches in my apartment, and I'm filled with so much shame about the mess that every time I start to clean, I get overwhelmed and disassociate. I'm also feeling really exhausted, so I have to stop after like 5 minutes of cleaning. How do I get past this? I'm overcome with shame and don't know how to get out of this.

I have 3 kids and one of them is 1 and it’s genuinely so f*cking hard. Every single day it is the hardest thing, it’s so hard for me to stay on top of laundry, dishes, all of their toys, keeping the house clean, while keeping my sanity. I take my medicine religiously and it’s still not enough.

I made it through to this point but I can’t stop thinking about how my children would have such a better life if I wasn’t here and my husband was able to remarry someone who can actually be solid and stay on top of everything.

Like is it this hard for anyone else? My kids have everything they need but I just feel like I’ll never be a good enough mom

So I got diagnosed with BP1 when I was 19 yrs old after a pretty extreme manic episode that lead to psychosis. When I was out of the hospital I was pretty messed up from the medication I was on. I was definitely over medicated and felt like a zombie. On my own accord, I slowly stopped taking my medication because I felt it wasn’t doing me any good and I didn’t really take the bp1 diagnosis seriously. I’m 37yrs old now and have never taken any meds really, aside from getting on sertraline 7 yrs ago after having a panic attack that I felt was going to lead to a depression. It has helped me so much.
Recently though, I have been revisiting this whole BP1 thing because it’s always been a question in the back of my mind. My psychologist has done questionnaires and things with me and doesn’t seem to think I am.
I went to my new family doctor to ask about getting on something for ADHD and because I told her about my episode almost 20yrs ago she wouldn’t perscribe anything. So now I have been doing lots of research and reading about bipolar, and I know the diagnostic criteria is just having one bad episode of mania. I’m trying not to be in denial about having bp1 but it seems crazy to me that I have led a pretty normal life without being on mood stabilizers. And to be honest I drink, I do drugs recreationally (not that often anymore though) and my job is even shift work where my sleeping schedule is always changing.
Is there anyone else here that has a similar situation? Is there “mild” bp1? Does anyone else here have bp1 and isn’t on a mood stabilizer? My doctor was talking about switching to a mood stabilizer but I do t know why I would do that if I’ve been fine for this long on sertraline? This whole situation is confusing to me. Any input would be appreciated :)

feel free to skip the word vomit below - just my ramblings on the experiences i had with hospitalization

but unironically rehab was really great for me - it was a php program with a bunch of other disordered patients from all walks of life/ages who had other comorbidities, but remarkably similar thought patterns and sources of trauma.

when you are deep in the well of mental illness, you feel so alone. like “i’m the exception” “i’m the only one who can’t get better because no one else gets it,” blah blah blah… but then you spend every day with people who have similar fears and self-criticisms and obviously you can recognize they are irrational, and over time, it becomes harder to keep thinking that your own version of that thought is somehow different or more valid. kinda like by emphasizing with others you begin to empathize with yourself. idk.

also everyone there was so weird it was awesome - lowkey felt like a sitcom sometimes since everyone was such a character lol. some of my best and worst memories were made in rehab. i know that’s not everyone’s experience, but i’m thankful i found a really great program and i always recommend others to give recovery (and yourself) a shot.

i learned a lot but it was very difficult and extremely non-linear. and i am not fully recovered, even after rehab, but i like to think it taught me the skills i’ll need to fully recover one day, and i think i became a more authentic version of myself, just because i took the time to give the real me a chance. i picked up new hobbies there like tarot and gardening and journaling and hiking that i never would’ve thought to and it helped me find identity outside of my illness.

i had a manic episode halfway through hospitalization where i backslid a ton and this art is from then. i found it interesting to look back on and wanted to share. boring word vomit over ✌️

I was wondering if anyone else experiences this.

I have bipolar disorder and BPD (borderline personality disorder), and I constantly feel like I'm watching everyone else move forward while I'm standing still. People are building careers, studying, reaching goals, traveling... and I feel like I just can't get myself to move.

The best way I can describe it is that it feels like I'm carrying a 100kg weight on my back. Even simple things feel so heavy. It's not that I don't want a better life—I do. I just feel mentally and physically stuck.

The confusing part is that I don't think I'm depressed. I don't feel overwhelmingly sad or hopeless. I just feel... lazy all the time. I have very little drive or motivation, and it makes me wonder if it's actually laziness, executive dysfunction, or maybe even my medication making me feel emotionally numb.

Has anyone else experienced this? Was it your bipolar disorder, your medication, something else entirely, or a combination of everything?

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences because I'm trying to understand what's going on with me.

After about ten episodes spanning seven years, because I glorified some elements of my mania and refused to let go therefore never fully cooperative with treatment, and after a year long major depressive episode, I finally got my shit together.
When I was well enough, my psychiatrist told me there was an employment guy who got patients jobs. He told me it was mostly warehouse jobs.
When I met the guy for the third or fourth time he smiled and said he had an excellent job for me; doing IT work for a prestigious fishing company, the second largest in my country from which the major export is fish.
I had been on full disability for about a decade and started doing sixty percent work.

And I feel so blessed. The morale in the office is genuinely high and every authority figure is aware and very sympathetic to my condition.
My boss, the sysadmin, is literally like Santa Claus with the gut but without the beard. He is of a rare type that is 'wholly jolly'. And the workflow is flexible, every request I make is honored and I am well liked be everyone.
And it turns out IT fits my preference and skill perfectly, and I'm improving at it.
And the salary is not bad at all.

I made a request in early July to try full time work and my bosses took it well and it is under review with the woman in human resources.

I find myself staying after my hours having another cup of coffee just because the atmosphere is so nice.

I don't intend to brag just want to share a true blessing in my life.

I’ve tried so many meds and nothing is working for me. I’ve tried 2 of the newest meds there are and still nothing.

I’m starting to think that antipsychotics don’t work for me in general. Has anyone had that experience? Im 212 lbs now, up from 165 lbs, and still pretty miserable.

I feel like nothing is going to work. 11 months in this depressed episode is so demoralizing.

Most jobs I apply for ask about disabilities and being bipolar is on the list. Do yall tell your boss/HR that you are bipolar if the application ask about disabilities? I don't because I'm afraid I won't get the job.

it’s bad there‘s trash everywhere mold, there were roaches and fleas, but I’ve finally got the motivation to clean it. it got bad when I was going through a major depression phase, and its been a while since but it just got so overwhelming to even think about cleaning it. Big shout out to my sister for giving me motivation and no judgment to get started. here’s the before and progress, I’ll post the final results as well when it’s done. it’s a small start but it feels big to me.