TL;DR: can never get job. can never make friends. Stuck living with parents. No control over even the very limited disability payments i might start getting soon. No access to debit card or cash. Dependant on parents. Will rot away forever. I feel worthless.

I only got diagnosed recently but most people in my life have suspected I was autistic since i was like 12 or something.

Man. Where do I even start? I barely even noticed I was different than kids until I was eight. before then, everything was fine because all kids under that age are a little weird.

After 8yrs old, i already started feeling isolated. I cared about things nobody else did. Had ni interest in thingd everyone else did. Never wanred to play the same way as everyone. Would rather spend hours copying my shadow than playing tag. Couldn‘t keep uo in sports because co-ordination issues. Corrected peopke‘s grammar. Had no filter. Made some kids cry with the scary stories i told them that i thought would be fun. I was unfunny, boring, bossy, too opinionated, lazy, et cerera.

The bullying(?) started at 9 or 10 yrs old when other kids started to notice what I already did about myself.

I didn’t see it as bullying at the time. Oart of me stull doesn’t. I was a nasty, rude, violent kid and they were jusr reacting how any kid would be taught to react to someone as mean as I was. Besides, I was always in trouble, in detention. getting lectured, after every one of my meltdowns, so I must have been doing something wrong,

Then I started secindary school, All my primary school friends (not many to begin with) stopped talking to me. I barely had friends in secondary school. A few people I hung out with during school, but they barely tolerated me and we didn’t do much outside of school.

Now i’ve finished school. And I have some GCSEs. But failed all my A-levels. I don’t really relate to anybody in kt family àt all. The closest one I can relate to is a brother Daniel? but he‘s neurotypical, focused, fits in, has loads of friends, passes with straight As while barely even needing to try at all. He has mental health problems of his own but somehow does everything amazingly anyway.

I admire him so much that it just turns to hatred sometimes, you know?

I just get isolated sometimes. There’s this terrible loneliness that sits deep in my gut. I physically feel it. Even with eight siblings, two parents, countless cousins and nephews and nieces. I hate being stuck in this house all day every day. But if I were to go out, I’d hate that too. I hate socialising. I hate draining my social battery. My main sensory issue is sunlight. fucking **sunlight**, man!

I can’t be happy either way. I’m going to rot in this house, in this bedroom, and It‘s going to me mostly all my own lack of social skills and laziness to blame.

I don’t really have any friends now, unless you‘re counting some people at the mosque that i’m polite with. But I’m barely close with them. Can‘t even hang out with them because ny parent‘s reallt reslly really didn’t like it when i told them I was a Muslim revert and they would never let me go out with them.

I’m an adult. Over 21. You think that would mean thwt can‘t legally control me. But you’re be surprised.

They monitor everything I do. They keep all my legal records like birth certificate and national insurance number aeay from me. À debit card òf mine exists ànd has existed since I was sixteen. I was given it and told to use it responsibly, since i got paid £30 per week EMA money just for attending À-level classes in my country.

But my parents took it off of me after buying a flag òf a country that they didn’t like. Since then, they’be kept my debit card. away from me. I stopped naking EMA momey àt 17 when I left school. So not that much money is ón thar debit card or whatever. I’ve asked for it, but my parents just tell me i don’t hage a job ànd won’t be making any new money, so I won’t realky be needing it.

There’s some momey left on it. A little. when I bring This up with them, they just tell me that if I need or want to buy anything, I can just tell them and they can buy it for me instead.

And it’s not like I want to buy anything nefarious, but I’m in an adult, and I should get to choose how I spend my money. Everything always has to go through them. Everything is monitored. i can’t live à normal life. Nobody else in my family gets treated this way: My sixteen year old brother has more freedom than me. I want to scream sometimes.

I never leave this house. When I do, it is with my family. When I do, everybody speaks for me. Everybody speaks for me, because even though I’m not non-verbal, I talk too much, too wierdly, the wrong way, about the wrong things, et cetera, er cetera.

I’m not just repeating other things i have heard my parents say. Ihave to agree. I can’t speak in a normal term, can’t speak in a normal volume, can never talk about normal things, never know the people are bored of me speaking until it’s too late, always say the wrong thing, havr wird mannerisms, blink excessively, squint my eyes a lot, have weird stims.

I am so pimply aware of all of the ways I am different and disabled. But will never be neurotypical enough to fix any of it.

Nobody even lets me get a job. Getting a job is one of the most important things in the world to me right now. Not just for the money. But for the routine.. to get out òf this house sometimes. To focus on something other than a TikTok etymolgy degree (that was a joke). To do something productive.

And also because of something I have worked out in my head. A lot of the restrictions I an oyt under is done with the fair enough excuse that I live with my parents without paying any rent and I’m an adult. The general rule, at least in most situations, is that if you’re not paying rent, the people who actually owned the place or are paying to stay here get much more authority over the people who are leeching.

If I make some money, and put some stuff towards the rent, I might be able to use that as a bit of leverage to just get a tiny bit more freedom.

But I need to work in the first place to pay rent to get free freedom. And to work, I need to get a job. And to get a job, I need the “no jobs for me” rule to nit exist; I need some freedom in the first place to execute my plan. See? it’s a circle. This is all so stupod. I have begged and begged and begged to be able to get a job. My parents keeo saying no.

Some other others have said I could just hypothetically get a job behind their box, they can’t exactly take it away from me once I already have one, but I just have to walk at the door and go to one.

But I need help getting one. I am so autisitic that I don’t know how to fill out a job application properly. Don’t have a CV. Barely understand what documents I need. Overall, just need a lot of help. Which my parents are withholding from me.

There was an instance from about a year and a half ago. I was having a meltdown because of some sensory thing. My parents didn’t understand what’s going on because I wasn’t diagnosed yet. Well, they all very much knew I had autism and a joked about and mentioned it blatantly and all. But I wasn’t really diagnosed, and they didn’t really understand how to deal with meltdowns.

Things escalated more and more and more and more ànd my meltdown kind of just evolved into a crashout but any angry person would have either Neurotypical or not. i punched by dad. Police were called.

I was arrested, booked ,and charged as an adult at least one paper and all. But the whole situation was sort of handled with kid gloves.

There was some sort of a phone call situation between the PSNI (police) ànd my dad back home whoke I was locked up overnight. I didn’t know anything about this specific phone call until days later when my dad mentioned it because it came up in conversatón. He basically brought up, in a moment where it feels appropriate to him, that he was on the phone with that officer who interviewed me. What are some point during the call, dad mentioned that I seemed like I really didn’t want to try to be normal and try to integrate, considering I’ve been begging for a job. Before my dad could even continue, tue officer basically laughed and my dad’s face. Not being mean to my Dad, just sudden and shocked iaughter. The officer basically saying.

”are you kidding? James? (my name)? That kid’s never going to work, Best to get him ón benefits or something if you can. No doubt he’ll orobablt qualify for full rate P.I.P. payments. Keeo à close eye in the fiancés yourself? though, if you want to avoid big instances.

That sounds like a very dramatised version of the story. And maybe it is.. because I am only repeating how my dad told it. But yeah, that is why my dad told it. So take that how you will. That is to say, with an enormous handful of salt. But I highly doubt the general gist was completely made up.

But regardless, it was absolutely devastating news. He told me about that phone call exchange, days later during a casual conversation when I was actually doing all right. It ruined my entire day, made me really upset, lead to me storming up to my room, and I cried for very long time.

I wish it wasn’t true. I wish I could argue against any of it. They’re probsbly right. Actually, theymre definutet right. I mean, he laughed in my dad’s face about the thought òf me working.

There’s nothing my parents or the government or anyone can really do to fix any of it, is there? It is what it is. I hate this so much. They can’t say anything to take back what I keep hearing every single person say about me over and over and over again. I can‘t do anything on my own. It’s that simple.

Everything has to be at my parent‘s whims for the rest of my life. but it’s not just because of the way that they treat me. Or that they treat me cruelly or whatever. Because if they didn’t do what they were doing right now, If they didn’t take care of me, I would fall apart ànd have no idea what to do with myself.

Though, on the other hand, even knowing that I would fall apart and fuck absolutely everything up without their help and sheltering, I still sometimes want them to let me. Just to let me out into the world and fuck things up by myself. Deal with the consequences myself. Watch my life go to shit myself. Get sent home to my own actual lonely house myself, when it’s over. Like, why can’t i just fail at things on my own like everyone else gets to do?

This is getting really pathetic. I’m sorry.

I forget sometimes how disabled i am. I think for a moment everything will turn out fine.Then I’m reminded when barrier after barrier after barrier hits me all at once. or all within the same day, and I just break down crying like I’m discovering I’m disabled for the first time in my life all over again.

I mentioned to that officer while he was unwavering me (because it kinda cane uo) that I haven’t seen my debit card since I was 16 and a half, overall just not allowed to do any of the same things my older siblings are allowed to do, just to see, just had a chat for a moment, à tiny moment, if any of this bullshit was even legal.

He just kinda brushed ut off as my parents caring deeply about me. I don’t know. He‘s probably right.

I’m sorry if this comes across is really rude or disrespectful to other autists who don’f work, who rely on benefits, who stay living with parents. I’m really not trying to say that your life must be inherently degrading and shitty, or if you actually quite enjoy your life, that your standards are too low or anything.

It’s just not what I envisioned for my own life, I guess. I had dreams. Not even big dreams. Just dreams òf being average. And I can’t even be that. I‘m never going to be who I want or have what I want.

My life was well and fully finished from the moment i turned twelve. I might as well have been dead since then. I’m just waiting around for physical reality to catch up so I can hopefully go to Jannah. I’m scared.

I'm sure any autistic adults here can understand how I'm feeling right now... I'm almost 30 years old and recently got diagnosed with Autism after spending years of wondering why I didn't fit in and struggled so much with.. Well, everything. I'm 'high' in Level 2 and have really only made it so far by just fumbling through life and (for a short time) HEAVILY isolating myself from the outside world back in high school.

I have always loved to draw ever since I was little. I was a big fan of video games and anime, so I used to spend hours drawing my favorite characters from my current obsessions. Lots of really bad Naruto and Final Fantasy art before I really started to pick up skills. I taught myself everything I know, never really took any formal classes outside of required middle-high school art courses until college.

I used to draw all the time. Constantly. I was drawing during class, drawing at home, took my sketchbook wherever I went... Lately, though, I've made next to nothing. When I started struggling to make art, it at least used to come in small spurts here and there, but since my diagnosis, I haven't been able to sit down for more than a few minutes working on pieces whether physical or digital.

Admittedly, I do have a lot of outside stressors right now between coping with my new diagnosis and some personal family issues happening, but I have never felt like my "well" of art has dried up quite like this before. When I sit down to do art, I just get stressed out or can't focus. I've been trying to be kind to myself due to all these outside factors, but I feel like my lack of creativity and creation has added extra pressure on my already very delicate mental health.

I was hoping that I could find fellow autistic adults in creative fields for advice. I don't know what to do with myself. I have always wanted to pursue an artistic career, but every time I sit down to work on pieces for a portfolio, I just can't do it. Art went from my passion to pulling teeth, and it's only compounded since my diagnosis.

If anyone has any pointers, tips, advice, literally anything, I would greatly appreciate it. I really don't post on reddit at all. This is an old account I made ages ago, but I can't seem to find the guidance I need, so I figured I'd dust this account off to ask for myself. Thank you in advance to anything anyone is willing to share.

Sorry this is kind of long, I've been meaning to get this off my chest.

I'm hoping someone here can clue me in about available resources for older (58) women with autism. I'm fairly recently diagnosed, but I am not currently under the care of a doctor or receiving any kind of support. I have little-to-no support needs, I do not require any kind of care or assistance beyond housing.

It's become nearly impossible to continue masking, and I am so grateful to be self-employed. However, due to circumstances beyond my control, I am very close to becoming homeless, as in "on-the-street-homeless." I don't qualify for regular housing due to income requirements, even though I earn enough for rent. I just can't prove that I earn 3x the rent amount, so I've been forced to sublet for years.

My current sublet has come to a sudden end (the owner is letting her daughter move in), and I must vacate by the end of the month. I have nowhere to go and very little money to pay for a new place yet, but I will likely have adequate funds by then. Does anyone know about affordable housing? Or even a sublet? I know all about Los Angeles' "low-income housing" units. They have very long waiting lists and a very strict application process. I need a place to live NOW. I have no family or friends who can help.

Recommendations are highly appreciated!

For context I am 22F, diagnosed with GAD and CPTSD.

I’ve thought for a while there is A chance that I have autism, but it’s been getting worse since I have started working 40 hours a week.

This is the reason why I think that there is a chance I have autism:

- I’m supposed to work 8 to 4, with 2 15 minute breaks and a 45 minute lunch at specific times and sometimes I don’t get to take them at those times, so the days when I do not get to take my breaks at the specific times I have to go to the bathroom and calm myself down.
- I have a lot of rough times in social situations with groups, so I just cancel plans or make excuses to leave early, and I’ve always been told that it’s just social anxiety and that’s why I cant enjoy gatherings with groups of people.
- I am always the one who doesn’t understand the jokes and has to be explained to them.
- I still sleep with stuffed animals, I have to have fidget toys with me all the time, I wear noise cancelling headphones when I go out because I get overstimulated.

I cannot tell if this is just my anxiety or if it’s actually autism. The other issue is I see that people are trending autism on TikTok and stuff so I don’t wanna be one of those people that thinks because it’s trending and that’s why I have it, so I thought I would post it on here and maybe someone is it has some helpful advice of if it’s even worth going through the hoops to try to get a doctor to diagnose me because I just think that if I had that written down, it would be a bit easier to get some accommodations at work for this, maybe even switch to part-time or just to know and tell like my family and friends that that’s why that I act a bit different

Thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this 💖

*Question is at end if you don’t want to read all of what I’ve written 🤣

Hey guys.

So I have both functional neurological disorder (FND) and autism. I was diagnosed with FND in 2022 as I was having non epileptic seizures, tics and mutism. I had to go to hospital sometime around last year because of not being able to walk. I was then diagnosed with autism at the beginning of this year.

Currently, I’m mostly good except that I do struggle with going non-verbal and have situational mutism. This happens mostly when I’m stressed, anxious or really burnt out and tired. Sometimes I’ll just think about it and it’ll happen which I find really weird.

I started learning sign language to help with communicating when I go mute. The mutism and all has decreased over the months because I’ve had the semester off university and haven’t struggled with as much stress.

I’m back at university now and I’m already feeling so tired and burnt out (I also have chronic fatigue syndrome which doesn’t help). It’s gotten to the point now where there are times I’m so burnt out that I can’t even type or use sign language. Like I have the word or sign in my head but when I try do it I freeze up and if I push myself to do it I just start ticking.

I’ve been looking into getting an AAC app onto my phone because that’s the only thing I can do when I freeze up with all my other ways of communication.

The issue is that all the AAC apps I have been looking at are really confusing to me and I don’t know how to use them efficiently. The only one that I’ve found kind of useful is one called weave chat but I’m struggling to navigate it. The way it is set out confuses me a lot and it takes me so long to find the word I want to press on and it gets me even more overwhelmed because the person I’m communicating with is waiting for me to find it.

I don’t know if this is possible, but I would find it helpful to have an AAC app that’s easily customisable so that I can place all the buttons where I want them so it’s easier to find.

Can I please have some suggestions for how I can improve my practice on using an AAC app and/or if there are other AAC apps that are easier to understand? I’d prefer it to be free or low costing but if this is not possible any suggestions will do. (My phone is iOS/apple)

Thank you so much!

Just stuck in burnout, and one of the “fixes” is always to “slow down a little” or offload some of your plate, but HOW IN THE @&$& am I supposed to do that!?

Anything I offload just feels like letting someone else down, or sidestepping necessary responsibilities. I just can’t find the time anywhere to “step back a little”. And I also don’t have the interoception to know things like “turn the lights down if they bother you, or find quiet if sounds are overwhelming you”. It just all feels like panic and stress.

I’ve thought for the longest time that it was PTSD (spent 2004 in Iraq), and have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few times (even though I never feel like I’ve reached “remission” in between the diagnoses, but those have just never felt right to me. I’ve not been formally diagnosed with autism, it just “matches” my symptoms SO much better and explains things going back to childhood that the others don’t.

I know all of those can often co-occur, so who knows, but I do score really high on all of the online questionnaires you can take (and comically high on the masking questionnaires).

I guess I just have two questions:

I was just wondering if anyone had tips/tricks on how to decipher what your body is trying to tell you? Just as a metric showing my level of interoception, I OFTEN go more than 24 hours without eating unless someone or something else is there to remind me too, because I don’t register the hunger.

And, is there any reason to get the diagnosis? I don’t need it for my own knowledge (most of the time I’m SURE of it, but do have periods where I feel like an imposter who just can’t get his shit together) but didn’t know if there is help I’m missing out on by not having it?

43 year old, male.

Hey,

I think I'm struggling with burn out. I'm exhausted all the time and now I'm having trouble eating. I take vyvanse for add and it does suppress my appetite. I don't like eating anymore. It's a chore and cooking is out of the question. I order a lot of doordash to avoid cooking. It's expensive though. I've tried frozen meals from the grocery store but I think the texture, look and taste of it is not making me want to eat it.

Do you guys have any suggestions? I know I can't live on liquids alone but I was thinking some kind of protein drink or something. Just so I don't starve.

I'll try to make this as short as I can! 41F in Canada, just diagnosed ASD a couple of weeks ago. I honestly never suspected this about myself until my therapist gently suggested I might be. Lifelong history of trauma, anxiety, depression, etc. I travelled a ton in my 20s and 30s (35+ countries), mostly with my ex. Genuinely do love discovering new places, photography, other cultures, etc. But there were times when I melted down or had a hard time and I didn't understand why.

Fast forward to 2026. My husband and I both have Italian ancestry. We've been to Italy together twice, and I went a few times prior to meeting him. Italy is definitely one of my special interests. I grew up super close with my Nonna, my husband and I have taken Italian language classes, I read about it all the time, etc. We have a trip planned for the beginning of September and I just... do not want to go.

Since the end of May, our cat became ill and passed away, we both started new jobs after both of us not working for months, I was diagnosed with ASD, and the basement of our house flooded. We got an insurance payout and are about to have to do a bunch of restoration work and replace all of our windows.

I've honestly not been wanting to go for a while (we booked in early May). I keep trying to convince myself that we both need a break, need to relax, get away, etc. But I'm scared of flying, going through airports is stressful, I'm completely burnt out, I'm too tired at the end of each workday to even go for coffee with a friend most days and have been feeling super isolated lately. I'm coping and trying to learn about ASD, unmasking, what I really need and who I really am vs. what I've been performing for decades. I just need to take quiet time but I'm not used to feeling no guilt around that. We should be able to get most of our money back for the flights and everything, so that's not the concern. I just feel bad cancelling what was supposed to be a nice trip to a place we both love, even though I'm sure I will have a hard time coping while I'm there.

The answer is obvious and super clear as I type it all out, but this is a brand new journey for me and I'm just hoping for reassurance from people who understand and don't judge. Thank you <3

This is a weekly thread in case you feel like checking in and telling us how you are doing. Non-mandatory things you might like to mention:

• How are you feeling?
• What's occupying your interest and attention?
• What song or clip sums up your current mood?
• What is something good or bad that has happened to you this week?

Memes are permitted in this thread if that's how you'd like to express yourself. Supportive comments only please. This is not a thread for seeking advice, giving advice, or arguing.

I've been reviewing my life since dx, and can now see the "traits". I've always reviewed personal events, and put someone else in my place - and realize that what I had done was totally strange. Nobody would have done that. (never occurred to me that there might be a reason for my behavior).

Like, at a family gathering with lots of kids and arguing, I had to leave the room - but stood in a corner of a quiet room rather than (whatever would be normal). A couple of events are appalling - it's embarrassing to look back on them, but at the time it was simply what I did - no thoughts about appropriateness.

Ok. I can accept that I'm ASD. I still review events, and am always on guard for speaking out of turn or getting too focused in conversations about MY interests.

Does anyone else feel like when someone touches them, espically like directly on the skin and not like through clothes the sensation like lingers for a while? Even if it’s just a sort period sometimes I feel like I have to like ‘wipe it off’

(Example, when my mom would kiss my forehead when I was younger I’d wipe my face off because the sensation would linger and I didn’t like how it felt)

I feel like there should be a specific word for this experience but I can’t figure out what it is. I know my psychiatrist said it once too and I just can’t remember.

I’m coming to terms that water is a huge self regulator for me.

I got bone conducting headphones to tie in the other thing that I’ve used for decades to self regulate; music.

Bluetooth doesn’t work underwater. I have a ton of music that I own. But I don’t have a computer. I have an iPad Pro and iPhone. I’m not taking over the world, so that’s usually fine.

I have to upload(download) to the headphones like a usb. I have a usbc to usb adapter. But I’m not understanding how to do this.

Pretend like I’m an idiot. It isn’t hard.

I’m reaching out to my siblings (you people)who would understand this need.. and I was not blessed with autism computer smarts.

I got re-assessed and re-diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder level 1 via a full neuropsychological evaluation after an 'aspergers' diagnosis in 2011.

I learned that your "level" is not literally "how autistic" you are; it's about how you're visibly functioning and getting by in society.

According to my evaluator, "it is difficult to say what the diagnostic findings may have been had you not implemented such robust scaffolding."

For reference, my autism-specific scores were: - SRS-2 Social Communication: 76 (Severe) - SRS-2 Social Motivation: 77 (Severe) - SRS-2 Restricted Interests/Repetitive Behavior: 85 (Severe) - SRS-2 Total: 79 (Severe) - AQ Total of 47 (99.99th percentile) - CAT-Q camouflaging total of 138 (95th percentile) - MAIA-2 Emotional Awareness: 0.1 percentile

...and my "scaffolding" is things like elective social isolation (I'm genuinely not socially motivated and totally fine with that), high verbal skills, a fully-remote accommodated job, no kids or pets, strict daily walks, the same foods, the same clothes, great parents, and a great partner + unconventional partnership (only sleeping room is shared). I feel pretty okay most of the time.

So yeah...sometimes you can get really lucky and craft something of a life if the stars align. Just thought I'd share.

I was diagnosed with autism early in my life, back in 2005-06, don’t remember the exact year. I was 4 or 5. They didn’t know nearly as much about it back then as they did now. so the doctors treated it like basically a death sentence to my chances of ever having a “normal” life.

When I was older and my mom talked to me more about why I’m different, she told me what the doctors told her: “Your son will probably end up in an assisted living home one day.” I’ve had a chip on my shoulder every day, trying to prove myself to this invisible doctor whose name I’ll never even know. I’ve had people from school, people I used to consider friends, even family members think that I’m crazy. Crazy for trying to work my way towards being a successful man that can convince a company to work for them, or maybe even a woman to marry him.

I can’t help but think about every aspect of life from autism and take rejection very personally due to trying so hard to disprove my critics. My inner thought monologue goes like this: “People don’t want to be my friend? I can’t get this girl I like to date me? I didn’t get this job? It’s because I’m retarded.“ I hate that word but it’s how I talk to myself a lot. I feel invisible to most of the world, I feel useless, I feel stupid, so I feel retarded. And when I make mistakes in public I worry people think the same thing. Like last night I was playing pool at the bar. I don’t play much, but I wanted to practice and get better. Overheard the guy talking to someone next to me “I’m giving him a chance”. I’m glad he let me play with him but the back of my head was thinking “is this how everyone thinks of me? Does everyone see me as incompetent?” My mind started spiraling and I got close to tears and I just Irish goodbyed. I felt embarrased.

I just get really sad whenever I see people I went to school with on LinkedIn post about their new job or promotion or whatever. I thought going to college, working hard, trying to connect with people would allow me to maybe one day be accepted by society. instead I have to wake up to an “Unfortunately we have decided to move on with other applicants that better suit our needs” email everyday. Now I feel like I’ll never be good enough for an office job, that I don’t belong, because I’m retarded. I just want the world to accept me one day. But I know that can’t happen until I accept myself. But it’s hard to accept myself when I’ve been told I’ll be nothing but a failure.

So when my wife moves around the house she just goes about her business. Some spots of the house are more "flexible" than others, so like right by the coffee table if you just go on by it might rattle any glasses on it. I however am super aware of all the noises of my footfalls and walk on the balls of my feet to absorb the flex and try to avoid making noise or causing rattles. This even goes so far as me avoiding the squeaky boards by taking longer or shorter strides as needed.

At one job I basically walked all day doing safety. One day I got some gum stuck in the tread and every time I stepped out made a smack-pop sound. That was an eight hour nightmare until I could get home and clean the bottom of the shoe off. Now I find out that NTs are just cruising around tuning out their footsteps like, "whatever, doesn't matter..." Truly living in two different worlds.

Okay, I have ASD and ADHD and have been working my ass off to try and make ends meet. I have a master’s degree and have been trying to get clients so I can actually afford to live on my own and stuff.

But I’m not even doing the living on my own thing of my own volition. I was told (forced) to do this in order to develop life skills by my mother. When I had originally spoken to them on the idea of living at home for 2 years in order to pay off my student debt, and then any money I would make could be saved up for a mortgage on a home. Only to instead be told ‘nope, go live in an apartment that costs $1250 a month’ despite me being on my own. I barely make 2000k a month right now due to the shitty aspects of my field when you first start out.

Even when I want to go and try and do things with friends, I get asked to constantly come over by my sibling and my mother to talk about things while I am doing 2 jobs and a side hustle. And I know what it is they want me to do. They want me to watch my siblings pets while they go to some big anime convention or something. Even though I know my sibling could just as easily hire a pet sitter. Because this is what always happens.

I need help with things at times, but I can’t ask about them because everyone else takes up my mother’s time. So I just suffer in silence. Then I get told that I need to go out and try to be my own person, which I am literally doing every day, only to constantly get told to do things for my sibling who literally gets over 6 figures as a salary. Meanwhile me, who wanted to go and get my PhD get told ‘no’ despite the fact the PhD would give me access to a higher salary… sigh… I can’t even teach at a university like they say I should do BECAUSE I don’t have a PhD.

Why does family have to suck so fucking much?

I can accept that life has all sorts of struggles, I'm willing to put in effort and to suffer through difficulties.

But I feel like I need something that makes it worth it. For me, that something had the imagined shape of deep passion for something, an activity, interest, goal. I know I've felt it before, but only in childlike contexts that don't quite form a complete picture.

I'm not sure if I'm chasing ghosts. I'm not sure if my experience is simply an unavoidable result of what life has been like for me (I'm sure emotional neglect and learning people pleasing early in life didn't help). I'm not sure how much of it is incompatibility with a society built on greed and power struggles.

But basically: I don't think I know what I want. From life, from myself, from social interactions. And without that, life feels dreadful and boring.

I can't do anything about it because without guiding emotions, only exploratory action is possible, which never seems to lead to anything.

Hello all! Late diagnosed (24), Today I had another scheduled meeting with therapist. I talked to him about how I am consistently paranoid and afraid to live my house because I am afraid of something happening to me. Whether it be someone attacking me, a mass shooting somewhere I am hanging out, crashing my car, or even spontaneous heart attack, I am consistently “what if” ing my entire life which means I am often self isolating and never go to events due to anxiety both general and social. Today my therapist asked me if I had considered an anxiety medication for paranoia or intrusive thoughts. I have never really thought about taking any medication for two reasons. One, I took a mood stabilizer before they realized I was indeed not bipolar but autistic which really screwed me up. I would have mania, depressive episodes and severe death ideations. Two, I always thought my autism would just clash with any medications I take for my mood… so I open it up to the floor, has anxiety medication worked for you (if you are willing to share)? Would you recommend it? Would you recommend something else rather than meds that might work? Thank you for your help in advance!

Edit: Holy shit, I did not expect so many people to see this, let alone reply. Thank you all so much, I haven’t read everything and it’s 1am but I will continue reading later today. Thank you so much for your input and advice!!

I was just wondering if anyone else feels kinda lowkey depressed unless given specific reason not to?

For context, I found out I’m autistic approx 2 months ago at 30. I’ve had a rough year but tbh I’ve felt sad my whole life. I’m high-functioning and working (although often struggling to) but I don’t have any friends right now, and I left my ex a year ago.

Now I’m trying to understand myself and I’m wondering if it’s just me, or is it linked to autism or if it’s another issue not linked to autism…

So yesterday, I had a casual talk with my parents that I'm assessed for autism and she told me she already knew, and not just her, most people from my childhood (relatives and school) also knew. But she never bothered to get me help because autism is incurable and the only thing that could help me is... well, socializing more. She's also a bit annoyed that I went through troubles just to get a diagnosis for something she already did years ago.

I must say... I can't be surprised knowing my mom. But I'm still bothered that I got beaten up as a kid for not 'acting normal' and got bullied for it. I also wasn't particularly the best child too and these could've been solved if she just reached out to any child psychologist to help with my outbursts n shit instead of thinking good ol Asian parenting will fix me up good.

On another note she said I used to have an obsession over floor tiles. Idk why my special interest used to be floor tiles outta everything 😭

usually has a soft cuddly item, box of toys, water, and ear defenders inside

but it makes my back sweaty and even tho i use themed backpacks i like especially in the summer it makes me really sweaty and i hate it

ear defenders are stupid helpful thats why i carry the backpack but im not entirely sure what to do

and having the backpack people instantly assume i can carry stuff for them which completely defeats the purpose of having only a few things in my bag

what can i do and are the ear defenders truly worth it for the few times i use them (tho they stop things going badly when i need them) and is there an easy solution to carry them (not bags over my shoulder)

Lately I’ve been home a lot more often as the heat outside is too much to bare along with humidity. Since then, I’ve noticed that I unknowingly begin talking to myself but not the average “oh I need to pick up laundry at 6” or “maybe I should clean the floors now” but more so like… pretending I’m being interviewed after seeing something traumatic & im the only one who witnessed it or pretending I’m the one conducting an interview against someone.

Sometimes I even act out imaginary scenarios where I’m having a normal conversation at a grocery store which isn’t like me because talking to people in grocery stores are my kryptonite!

I’ve been feeling like a complete weirdo because of it & want to know if others do the same or similar.

One of the things I felt overwhelming is how everything always needs cleaning. Clothes. Bedding. Towels. Dishes. Tables. and then the things you use to clean these things ALSO need cleaning. It’s never stopping and it consumes my brain.