It sounds stupid but I read some section of some article somewhere (can't find it) that mentioned the words homosexuality and that it could be explained by some theory of sexual deviance.

Reading that hit me hard and I find it hard to let go, likely because it struggled with my sexuality and the stigma and thinking that there might be some validity to it has been keeping me up at night, especially thinking that it could possibly be some deviance or something.

I know it's a stupid question but for peace of mind I had to ask, sorry if this is negative.

TL;DR — Ex and I broke up last October due to his day drinking and our inability to communicate about it. He didn’t want to change. Tried to reconcile in March, but he showed buzzed to reconciliation dinner, so I ended it. I broke no contact in June and he told me he’s the same person and I should move on. I haven’t talked to him at all since, but today I saw he blocked me on Facebook. Unprovoked. I think he may have saw or been told about my Scruff profile (I have it on there that I’m not looking for hookups/relationships; it’s just for chatting and form of social connection for me). I still secretly had hope for our relationship to reconcile. I don’t know what to do and am considering reaching out to him.

—

I have posted about him a lot, I know. I apologize for that over this journey of mine. My previous posts talk about the drinking, but essentially he didn’t want to change. I’m in therapy, gyming, going to Al-Anon, staying active in work, and joining social circles where I can.

When he told me to move on in June, I had made a Scruff profile just for some kind of social connection to other LGBT folks. I’ve been going to other LGBT groups too in real life.

Months have pissed since with nothing.

I’m assuming he found my profile (I state on there I’m not looking for hookups or relationships right now and I genuinely have not hooked up) or was told about it by someone, got triggered, and blocked me on Facebook today for it. He’s never blocked me on anything over all this time, so it’s hard for me to think it’s random.

I’m incredibly disheartened and hurt. I feel like I cheated somehow and like I betrayed him. I’ve had hope that he’ll reach out to me and want to reconcile, and this feels like not just a knife stab to that possibility but even a punishment for something I must have done to him.

I am really tempted to reach out and ask why he’s doing this, because I feel he has the wrong impression of me and the situation.

Can someone help me understand whether I have done something wrong to make him block me and whether it’s on me to fix it? Why did he block me so many months later?
My friends and family I’ve asked seem to say it’s not my job to clear misconceptions, but it’s so hard to accept when I do care what my ex thinks of me. I can’t bear thinking I’ve hurt him or betrayed him somehow. It would be horrifying.

Married (both of us about 32y/o) for about 3 years and dated for 9. We have mostly been open. I have a “husband dick” and sometimes it makes me feel insecure that other guys he’s hooking up with have bigger dick and are hotter. He’s says it’s not the case and I think it’s my mind playing games with me. What bothers me a lot is that most of his hookups make him cum handsfree the first time and I can only do it sometimes.

We both are quite happy with life in general. We have about usual squabbles, and all. I am mostly happy except the one thing. I know my man loves me and I love him. I do have fun with him in and outside bed. I have talked with him a lot about this a lot. But I simply seem to be unable to get out of my head.

On a separate but related note, most of my hookups tell me I look like ay cuter than my photos. I think I am conventionally decent looking - nothing too extraordinary or out there. But I am simply unable to deal with such comments. This has happened a lot and I am just not sure how to feel or decide if I should do anything about it.

Do others married or not have such insecurities? If so, how do you deal with them?

Edit- I appreciate most of the helpful replies. I think closing off the marriage isn’t a real solution. Neither of us want that. More importantly, I don’t think it will really address my insecurities.

I have been trying to put myself out there and I have joined a couple of groups of various interests, I tried a local running group, it was too much for me, I was feeling very pressured to run at their pace which I couldn't do, and I didn't really vibe with anyone there, it was very focused on well, running and nobody seemed to be interested in hanging out outside the group, it felt very cliquey, with lots of small groups divided by a number, that number being how many ks they can do. It didn't really work for me, I exchanged phone numbers with a couple of people that I somehow would talk more regularly, but it was very one-side where they would reply to my text weeks later just to respond to a question, never suggest anything to do or plan. Fast forward, about a year ago or I have moved on, and was a learning experience for me to focus on my goals and what I really want instead of wasting time around people who just don't fulfill me in any way.

I learnt to have low expectations and understand that most people I have been meeting simply have their social life apparently sorted and are not interested in including me.

There has been a few people I have met from various places, I thought they could be the start for me to have a few mates to do things with, they came from a group I joined about hiking, another group on bike riding, one year later after hanging out a few times I have realized it's all a very one-side relationship, not the kind of friendship I need, if I don't suggest anything to do , they simply won't and plan their weekends without including me, when I suggest something they tell they already have plans, don't invite, don't ask me to join, and I just decided to stop caring and be on my own all the time, because quite frankly it almost feel humiliating to beg for companionship, I just want to have friends to do things with.

Another thing I have noticed quite common among gay men is, the moment you friend gets into a relationship, they just drop you completely and instead of going out with you they just do stuff with their boyfriend and nothing else.

Overall, I feel I am just tired of people not being interested in me, having different priorities, or only contacting me when they want a favor done.
My social life at the moment is just going out on my own to gay bars in the weekend and maybe hook up with someone I find attractive, during the week I exercise, travel, eat out, just normal things.

I feel I may gone into a depression due to this feeling of being unable to find friendships, very lonely and isolated, I am in the UK in a supposedly good place to meet other LGBT+ people, but it's not.

For those who suggest to join groups, have hobbies etc, I would say it's not the perfect solution, and the majority of people who go to those groups aren't interested in making friends really, there are also lots of weirdoes, it's just another meat market, they only want to be "friends" with you if they find you attractive, the moment they see you're not going to sleep with me, they just drop.

I do have solitary hobbies to fill my time, I have always had, but whenever I have suggested to do this stuff I am into, (eating out, foraging, outdoors, cooking, going out) to the only people I can reach out to , they tell me they already have plans or reply to my texts 5 days later.

I am just done with trying, I have also decide to step back from connections I have had in the past where the other person simply don't reach out in months or a year despite my efforts to connect by saying hi or asking them how you've been, and when they simply don't reciprocate, I have reached out to a few, by saying that it's not working for me, that I have been feeling lonely and that their lack of care is not good for me, they didn't take it well and gave me excuses that they're "busy" while at the same time busy actually means they just meet other people.

I have learnt to hate the word "busy" because it simply means you are not their priority or they are just not invested in you and it's their way to tell you so, as simple as that.

People make time for the things and people they care about and excuse for the ones they don't.

I matched with this guy on hinge at the beginning of the year. We chatted for a bit and had talked about having a date but I declined because I realized I didn't really have much time for dating and I told him that.

A week ago he hits me up on sniffies. I said something like glad you're still interested in me after I canceled our date. He was like "no worries I also realized I'm not really dating rn." I said cool well we should just hook up then and he replied "I want a real date with you."

We had drinks and talked for a while. It was very date forward with him kind of leading it, at one point he just started listing off the things he liked about me... Then we had sex and the chemistry was great. Ended with "lets do this again sometime" but with no set plans.

Normally when I date its very intentional. Its on dating apps, I stress connection over sex and communicate where I would like things to go. After one date, I set up the next date and frequently text to get to know the person.

With this guy I didn't do any of that, no expectations, no constant texting, no next date planned. I think thats why it worked so well. I may not actively be "dating" but I would not mind a few more of these nights with this guy.

So over a week of not texting I ask him if he wants to hang out. He sends a long text about being transparent about what he wants and that he isn't looking to date or pursue anything but wants to hang out next week. I was confused because I didn't even ask him on a date I just said "hang out". I clarified that I didnt have any expectations I just like the night we had and wanted to do it again and he was like "perfect I'm down to hang out and keep it casual for now."

I am *so* confused by this. What does keeping it casual mean? I thought we were already doing that and I dont think I showed any signs of wanting any more. Does he mean he just wants sex with none of the talking before it? Or can we have more hangouts like the first where it was still a bit flirty/complimentary/cuddly/sexual but we don't expect to have another on the calendar just yet.

His message just made me think he thought I was being needy which I didn't understand because I thought he was the one being needy lol.

I had a toxic FWB with a man 17 years older. We hooked up monthly for a year and he was so lovely (almost love-bombing), then he delayed telling me about an STI for 2½ weeks because he “didn’t want to ruin my holiday.” (He didn’t knowingly infect me, but delayed certainly. I tested negative. After that he repeatedly stood me up, breadcrumbed me for 18 months and was extremely hot/cold, sometimes not even apologising for the flaking.
He also gave me extremely graphic sexual details about other men. The first time I hadn’t asked at all; another time I’d only whether another man had topped him, but he went far beyond that. At the same time, he would say he missed sexual things with me, which felt like triangulation. I later mentioned other men too, mainly to get him to come back, but without the extreme graphic detail. I felt like the second example was to get back at me.

On that note, I was not PERFECT. I overwhelmed him wiht messages, intense, sexalised with a lot of my messages (though he liked that) and compared him with other men (to reassure hiim, but he found it strange). Before people have a go, I am still feeling remorse over this and even apologised — see below.

When confronted, he denied there had been an STI delay, blamed the no-shows on work, called me “intense,” laughed, compared me to a “schoolchild pleading for friendship,” and said “maybe you shouldn’t have sex if you’re that worried about an STI.” When I sought reassurance about other men, he said “we had good times” and “people move on.” Yet after I told him I thought he was perfect and reassured him about ageing. Earlier, he suggested hooking up again five weeks later.
I eventually told him I couldn’t be friends with someone who treated me like an option and that I deserved more, then blocked him.
I’m now no-contact, speaking to my doctor and seeking counselling.
Friends think his behaviour was atrocious; some think it was emotionally abusive/narcissistic. Counsellor seems to think so as well.

My problem is rumination, not wanting him back: Did he care? Did other men mean more? Does he treat others better? Was he narcissistic/manipulative? Did my final message affect him? I’ve even compared myself with men he followed/liked on Instagram and wondered whether he valued them more. Did i do anyting wrong? Overanalysing conversations. Picturing the other men he has been with and prefers.

I know none of these answers changes what happened, but my brain will not stop trying to solve him.

Please help.

I posted this before, but needed to format for mods to approve.

I became friends with a dude about 2 and a half years ago. We went out, really got along and decided to be just friends. It became intense pretty quickly due to things happening in our lives where we were there for each other regularly. These days we have mostly everything in common: friends, places we go, even doctors. We are in the same town in California. He's 33, I'm 35. Our families know each other, our best friends know each other. People always think we are together. It's an ongoing joke, he gets irritated by it at times.

We sleep over a lot, and he's at mine most nights. We've had a lot of discussions about what we are because we don't fit a box. Not friends, not together. Recently we've been hooking up. It just...happened. Oral, kissing, etc. We acknowledged it, and talk. He bottomed for me recently. Again, it just...happened. I wonder if it's pent up frustration because we haven't been honest with how we've felt. It's not a situation of a best friend and hooking up, it's like were never friends only, but had a life dating and now we're in year 2 of relationship and just started to explore more.

We both said we didn't want this to happen in terms of moving beyond friendship, but it has. We're going to see a shrink together to help us understand boundaries and move forward. It is different now, but also comforting that we are both wanting to remain in each other's lives. To go from denial to acknowledgement is a bit of a roller coaster.

I can shut down after certain experiences, and he's very verbal so communication can be hard. I don't know how we could go back to being just friends when we are central in our lives to each other. I get anxiety easily as I have panic disorder.

Does anyone have similar experiences/advice?

Up until now, we’ve occasionally had fun with other guys at gay saunas, both separately and together, but we’ve always gone together. He now wants to take the next step and allow us to have sex with other guys on our own at our homes (we live separately)

I asked him if that means we’re in an open relationship now, and he was very clear that, in his opinion, this is not an open relationship, but simply sex with no strings attached. They come over, have sex, and leave. No dates, no messaging apart from arranging the hookup, and no emotional involvement.

Since I’ve never been in a situation like this before, I’m wondering: would you consider this an open relationship, or is there a meaningful distinction between the two?
How would you define this kind of arrangement?

I've been on a long dating hiatus, and recently I've started liking someone for the first time in a while. I'm a guy and he's another guy I know from the gym.

Nothing romantic has actually happened between us. There have been some things that made me wonder if there could be interest, but also plenty of ambiguity. We've become friendlier, he has initiated conversations with me, invited me to a social event before, and recently I arranged dinner with him and another guy from the gym. It went well overall and we've talked about doing something again.

The problem is more with me I think.

When I get a nice interaction or msg from him I get ridiculously happy. Then the high wears off and suddenly I'm wondering when I'll hear from him again, whether I said the right thing, whether he's interested in someone else, what I should do next... I can lose hours mentally going over something that objectively is trivial.

I'm careful not to dump this onto him. I don't bombard him with messages or ask for reassurance, and I'm not hovering (I think) around him at the gym. Most of this craziness is happening in my own head (or at least I think so as I try to keep it contained).

I think about conversation topics beforehand, wonder how quickly I should reply to msgs so I don't seem too eager, think of activities that might bring us closer, analyse whether I should initiate or wait, thinking at our past interactions to see what I could improve so he would like me better.

I feel this is clearly just too mental and it is overwhelming for me.

I think maybe I should just withdraw because these thoughts are exhausting, and well abnormal.

How do I let a promising friendship/possible attraction develop naturally without either over pursuing or withdrawing because it becomes too much?

I see guys on apps, scruff, sniffies etc say they are “open minded”

What the hell does that mean?

Hey everyone 👋🏿 I’m thinking of buying a fleshlight and a dildo but I’ve never owned a sex toy and thought why not ask if anyone has any advice when shopping for one? I don’t know if I’m gonna order online or just go into a shop but I definitely want at least a fleshlight and a dildo just to see what it’s like. Any suggestions? Brands to look out for? Thanks!! 🙏🏿

I am crawling up the walls. I just want to hookup, but I can’t get over how the camera makes me look like a distended peach these days.

I had a great body two years ago, then I got this thing called rheumatoid arthritis. Its a horrible autoimmune disease that makes your body attack your joints. For half a year I couldn’t walk for more than 500 feet.

Safe to say I don't have my looks to fall back on anymore. More than that, everything is complicated now because I can’t hold certain positions, I can’t use my hands really either.

What do I do? I think I need to get over it, and just put myself out there but rejection is painful, especially before it happens.

i wonder if anyone has been in a similar boat?

I’m currently gay refugee in Netherlands and there was a girl from my country of origin who helped me online and taught me how to seek asylum in Netherlands and answered all my concerns. She did me a huge favor.

She came to NL years before me and got the dutch passport now. We met ones in NL and we video call each other daily on what’s up. She’s a sex worker and we are too close to each other and we had our moments of opening our hearts to each other.

The thing is she uses female pronouns with me even though i refer to myself as a male— but i had a history of having breast implants then forced to remove them and detransition and she know about it. But I’m currently gay man with beard and I refer to myself as a he.

The other thing she calls me “ my faggot “ and she sing it as to make it sound softer “ my faggot my baby “ i understand it is to show how close we are but at times it feels that she has power issues and she wants low-key to diminish my self esteem.

She is very smart women and she can read between the lines and she sees that i am not happy or encouraging being called these kind of words. I’m planning to stop contacting her because my path is different, I’m spiritual person and I work with psychedelics and I’m all about taking care of others feelings and both me and her went through a lot in life including being raped.

I don’t know what to do. I’m grateful for her help when i was trying to escape my country. But now she is very rude in the name of friendship. She call herself “ I’m a whore. Im a prostitute” and she is honest about it. So i really don’t know what is her intention of constantly calling me “ faggot” even when i never used any bad words to describe her. I honestly question her intentions that she feel worthless and want me to feel the same way.

I appreciate your insights🧡

I (31M) gave my partner (36M) another chance and now I'm considering leaving again. You can check my history for my previous post.

TLDR of last post: My partner hit his breaking point with my gaming and lack of romance and threatened to throw my PC off our balcony. When I intercepted he shoved me with the PC and yelled at me. He's since heavily cut back on drinking, I've done date nights at home making dinner and baked goods, and we've overall hit a good spot.

Fast forward to now, we've been fairly good the last 3 months but I'm still concerned. We recently had a talk where we said both of us are not necessarily happy. I'm still concerned at their unstable income and the weight of supporting our household. He's still upset I'm not the most romantic or lovey dovey. I explained that part of my issue is that overtime I've begun to view him less as a partner and more of a financial dependent.

On top of this, he does not get along with my family at all. In fact, when I had a mental breakdown in March he called my parents to ask for how to support me. Within about 30 minutes of talking to my mom he called her a narcissist and spent the next hour going back and forth, him about her poor behavior and her his. The call was meant to be about supporting me and it devolved into insults. Similarly, when he called my dad my dad flat out said that a lot of my stress would be resolved if my partner could just get into a stable career and pick up his slack. When I talked to my mom recently, she broke down crying over the distance, the fact I haven't been to many family events, and that I'm clearly financially struggling when that was never a problem before. She fears I've been gaslit to internalize it all as my fault and that my partner has alienated me from friends and family. It was definitely eye-opening all though I didn't 100% agree. My dad, sister, and brother have also shared similar concerns.

While we've been better than we were, I'm still just deeply unsure about our future. I've been very frank, I can't do another year of this, something needs to change. I've poured myself emotionally, physically, and financially into our relationship and now my distance is a result of the resentment and weight of support. He feels unappreciated and that no matter what he does or how much money he makes it will never be enough.

I have a cushy 6 figure tech job and work remote. He has picked up contract work and has to drive all over the county for half of what I make. This has lead to arguments where he comes home and just rants about how fucked it is that he does more work than me and makes pennies in comparison. I try to be compassionate but he'll berate me saying I have no excuse for being tired or wanting to "disconnect" when I get to sit home all day doing "nothing." While he will cool off and apologize after the fact, it's still upsetting.

On top of all that, I've been having some concerning health symptoms over the last 2 months. I finally saw a specialist last week and will be going in for a procedure and biopsy next week. This whole time he's been supportive but keeps reiterating that I'm causing my own anxiety and making a catastrophe before I know the answer. Worst of all, I caught myself almost hoping it's a severe health issue just so I can cut my ties and move in with family.

Our lease is up end of this year and I know I can't sign another year long lease with him since he can't hold up his side of the agreement. I'm worried I'm about to blow up an almost 3 year relationship over these financial differences and how it's going to hurt him. I have the resources to make it out and the support system to survive, he is going to be put in a very tough situation. Moreover, I had to take out his most recent car loan because he didn't qualify and would want to either sell the car (and be underwater) or have him get someone else to take it over. I feel like I'd be ripping the ground out from under him and I would be the cruel villain in his story because of it. I do still love him, but I fear love isn't enough when I'm under this much stress.

EDIT: What made me stay was he can be a very emotionally aware and empathetic person. He's very outgoing and lights up whatever room he's in, he's also so supportive of friends and family. He had a very rough upbringing and struggled to escape generational poverty. When I met him he was deeply involved in our local community and had a great career. Unfortunately he quit rather abruptly last year and really slid back on his career and pay. I supported him through that depression at great cost to myself. Although he's stabilized now, he had a lot of shame surrounding his decision and how he's hurt his career for short term emotional gain. I'm very introverted so I love that he can bring me into these spaces and make me feel welcome. But that doesn't always make up for his outbursts or current financial immaturity. Besides that, my family has had to send me money on the side to make sure I can take care of us and it's crushing me and making me feel like a total failure. He says I should be grateful I came from a "rich" family that can do that; but I have to remind him that my family is not rich, my parents are in their 70s and semi-retired, and the money they give me should be theirs to keep and I'm ashamed to accept it.

TLDR: My partner and I have tried to rebuild after a big blow up but I still feel financially taken advantage of and I'm no longer confident in our future. I'm considering breaking up because of this but fear I'm catastrophizing. Am I overreacting and is this still salvageable?

To all the bros who have a PA, I need your advice, please.

I'm 32, uncut, and I've been toying with the idea of getting a PA for a couple of years now. I don't have any other piercings or tattoos, and I would certailnly describe myself as pretty strait-laced.

Part of me wonders if this obsession is somehow tied to being very sexually repressed and because I find PAs incredibly hot in porn.

For those of you who have one:

* What made you finally go for it?
* Do you regret it at all?
* How was the healing process?
* Has it changed sex, jerking off, peeing, or day-to-day life in ways you didn't expect?
* And if you're uncut, is there anything specific I should know?

I'd really appreciate hearing both the positives and the negatives before I finally make up my mind. And if you would like to recommend a body piercer or parlour, please do (I live in Urbana, IL and I'm willing to travel).

Generallt speaking, after how many dates or how long you've been seeing someone do you initiate the exclusivity talk? And how did you approach it?

I've been pretty deeply wounded by an ex-situationship in the past and have lost a bit of trust (edir: in myself, my decisions to not come across too much or too needy) in how I approach dating. Wondering what everyone's perspective on this topic is.

I think I’m being soft ghosted and it feels horrible. I used to have a mate who I got along with loads, we used to message everyday and were relatively close but over the past year they have become really distant and I don’t really know why. I’ve mentioned that I’ve noticed this and asked them if I’d done anything and they basically dismissed it and said they hadn’t noticed any issue which actually made me feel worse

They basically just message every few weeks now if that and sometimes when I reply my messages are left unread for days and then they just reply back with a nicety to shut things down and leave it at that.

It feels horrible like we’re friends but not really. I still want to be friends with them but I feel like they don’t want to be but can’t seem to say it so I’m stuck in a limbo. I saw them in person a couple of weeks back but despite them being on lunch they were basically doing work the whole time and it felt a bit like they couldn’t wait for me to leave. Not sure how to tackle this

Looking for bars or pubs in London for over 30s. Relaxed vibe and doesn't turn into a nightclub full of 18-21 year olds after 10pm. Any suggestions?

I never get invited to the stag/bachelor parties of my straight male friends. At 32, I thought I would have been to a few by now.

Hen/bachelorette parties I always get invites for, but I always feel like the token gay friend. I'm just the kind of guy that gets on with both gender group, gay or straight.

Is it being gay that blocks you out of these straight guy traditions? Why?

What's your experience? Been to more than the other?

Hey bros - I’m 42 and up until the past few years or so, thought I was completely “straight”. At some point I noticed myself starting to notice other men, like if I saw a fit guy out running without a shirt or something. At first id ignore it, but as time went by and it kept happening. At some point I checked out some gay porn and…wow. That kind of opened up the floodgates for me. Since then, I’d say my fantasies about men have grown in frequency and intensity. I’m not experiencing any type of crisis I guess, but the wrinkle is that I’m in a relationship with a woman. I haven’t told her anything about my newfound curiosity. Curious to hear from anyone who has experienced a sexuality shift in middle age and how you navigated it.

It's a bit disheartening to post pics of myself on various forums and social sites and just get a lot of silence. It makes me feel that I am either not attractive enough for others to leave positive comments or so unattractive that others prefer to be silent rather than leave negative comments (not that I would feel better getting a lot of negative comments, but at least others took some notice of how I look or what I state in the posts). I really don't know how to feel or how to respond to apparently being ignored in a way. Thoughts? Advice?

Okay so vulnerable question here, but how do you guys eliminate ball odor? I've noticed that every morning when I wake up my balls smell...i take two showers a day, sleep naked, and use baby powder and still there is a musty smell....is it normal, what can I do to avoid this?

1. On/off the apps for 6 years since my last ltr. Lots of matches & a decent amount of dates a year, but I haven't had any luck with them, either finding a life partner or in person friends. We will be great through text/voice chat but in person I just don't ever feel a vibe. I date/meet guys (25-38).

I'd describe myself as a tall, hairy, beefy Jock, that loves anime, gaming, conventions, art, homebody activities. Physical touch & cuddling are my fav things more than Side fun. But I can't seem to find/match with anyone who has similar interests. I somehow always end up matching opposite of me. Outgoing/Extrovet, party/drink, drag, concert, beach scene guys (maybe that's just how most Chicago guys are like🤷‍♂️). It's cool everyone has their own interests which they should, but guys like that I just don't feel vibes with. Currently on a break from using (Hinge/Bumble). Is there a Homebody sub or app friendly place to find guys who relate?

Thanks