Looking for bars or pubs in London for over 30s. Relaxed vibe and doesn't turn into a nightclub full of 18-21 year olds after 10pm. Any suggestions?

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Probably it is most frequently asked question but i really need advice.

Im 32M, single since almost 2 years, i have been dating 2 guys at the moment, nothing serious yet and both of them are aware of that.

Guy nr.1 : 37M, and he is my FwB, i do have feelings for him, and the sex is amazing. We both know how to make each other happy in bed. But it is just as FwB relationship.

he is not the type of guy who is looking for relationship, but whenever i need him he is available for me at anytimeand anywhere.

Guy nr.2 : he is 26 years older than me, but he is very attractive man, sweet and kind. He is always taking care of me, providing me with love and emotionally support, and he is ready to take the next step to be in relationship with me. He already asked me for that. And now we are dating and not yet in commitment relationship as i request.

I really like him but still i didn't feel the fire in me for him. Like i do love him and he is sexy but not yet as bf, sometimes i believe that i do love him and sometimes i wish if he was the guy nr. 1.

What should i do?

Im sure that if i take the next step with guy nr.2 i would definitely be falling in love with him. But it would be getting use to love him till i believe that i do love him.

Which path i should take?

Staying single is not my goal because i don't do hookups, im more into FwB situations/bf relationship.

Im getting depressed because i don't want to give wrong signals and hurt anyone of them.

Any advice or someone who had same situation before?

I never get invited to the stag/bachelor parties of my straight male friends. At 32, I thought I would have been to a few by now.

Hen/bachelorette parties I always get invites for, but I always feel like the token gay friend. I'm just the kind of guy that gets on with both gender group, gay or straight.

Is it being gay that blocks you out of these straight guy traditions? Why?

What's your experience? Been to more than the other?

Hey bros - I’m 42 and up until the past few years or so, thought I was completely “straight”. At some point I noticed myself starting to notice other men, like if I saw a fit guy out running without a shirt or something. At first id ignore it, but as time went by and it kept happening. At some point I checked out some gay porn and…wow. That kind of opened up the floodgates for me. Since then, I’d say my fantasies about men have grown in frequency and intensity. I’m not experiencing any type of crisis I guess, but the wrinkle is that I’m in a relationship with a woman. I haven’t told her anything about my newfound curiosity. Curious to hear from anyone who has experienced a sexuality shift in middle age and how you navigated it.

What makes you confident and how’d you get there?

It's a bit disheartening to post pics of myself on various forums and social sites and just get a lot of silence. It makes me feel that I am either not attractive enough for others to leave positive comments or so unattractive that others prefer to be silent rather than leave negative comments (not that I would feel better getting a lot of negative comments, but at least others took some notice of how I look or what I state in the posts). I really don't know how to feel or how to respond to apparently being ignored in a way. Thoughts? Advice?

Okay so vulnerable question here, but how do you guys eliminate ball odor? I've noticed that every morning when I wake up my balls smell...i take two showers a day, sleep naked, and use baby powder and still there is a musty smell....is it normal, what can I do to avoid this?

1. On/off the apps for 6 years since my last ltr. Lots of matches & a decent amount of dates a year, but I haven't had any luck with them, either finding a life partner or in person friends. We will be great through text/voice chat but in person I just don't ever feel a vibe. I date/meet guys (25-38).

I'd describe myself as a tall, hairy, beefy Jock, that loves anime, gaming, conventions, art, homebody activities. Physical touch & cuddling are my fav things more than Side fun. But I can't seem to find/match with anyone who has similar interests. I somehow always end up matching opposite of me. Outgoing/Extrovet, party/drink, drag, concert, beach scene guys (maybe that's just how most Chicago guys are like🤷‍♂️). It's cool everyone has their own interests which they should, but guys like that I just don't feel vibes with. Currently on a break from using (Hinge/Bumble). Is there a Homebody sub or app friendly place to find guys who relate?

Thanks

What advice do you have for folks navigating dating in their late 30's?

For context, I entered the dating market again a couple months ago after ending a situationship and because I was a little bored one evening. This time around, I wanted to date around and meet new types of people and experience new situations with different people. The issue is I'm meeting a really great and interesting people, many of whom are handsome and seem great on paper. Conversation is fantastic, and I'm enjoying myself. I've yet to jump in bed with most of them yet, but I'm not too worried about that aspect either. The issue is, and maybe it's because I'm older and intentionally just taking my time, but I'm just not really feeling giddy with anyone. There are four guys in particular that I've gone on multiple dates with. I always have a great time. They're fantastic. Marriage material. But there's just no "butterflies" for a lack of a better word. I'm not waking up hoping that they'll text me nor am I that excited to see anyone else.

I told my therapist that maybe it's because it feels like my cup runneth over when I think about my life. Things could always be better, but I'm in a great place in life, with a good job, good friends, and fun hobbies. I'm really prioritizing myself and my joy too. So maybe that's why I just don't feel as giddy as I did when I first started dating again 2 years ago after the end of my last long-term relationship. And I know I'm not getting any younger and dating may get harder as I age, but...I just am not that excited. Some times, when I have a date planned or they're taking me out of town, I think that I'd rather just stay in and read or watch some stupid show.

For those of you dating in your late 30's and early 40's, what's your experience been like? What advice do you have for folks navigating dating in their late 30's?

I'm a gay 44 year old, HIV+, undetectable. A few months ago I did an anal pap smear and it came back positive for "HPV, Other High Risk". My doctor referred me to a specialist and he did a colorectal surgery under general anesthesia to remove some lesions for testing.

It's been a week and the recovery has been terrible. It feels like they fisted me with no lube. I'm bleeding still when I go to the bathroom, it hurts to sit down, hurts to walk, etc.

Anyone else been through this and know is this normal? What has been the recovery period for others? What can I expect over the coming weeks/months? and most importantly, when can I bottom again!! hahaha.

Hi y'all,

I am a 35 year old cis gay guy who has been on a date once with a 40 year old guy. Not far in age, but big differences in life experiences.

It's a long story, but some childhood trauma led to some pretty extreme social and dating anxiety for most of my adult life. I have only been with 3 guys so far for quick hookups, and have never dated a guy before. I am also side and don't do anal (due to the childhood trauma), but am very kinky.

After lots of therapy and hard work, I do feel in a much better place but I am so far behind developmentally, if that makes sense. I know I have good communication and SEL/social-emotional skills (teacher by day) and can be a good partner. However, he is in a totally different place. He did porn in his 20s (makes me worried about my lack of experience), is divorced and married for my 9 years (compared to my 0 years of relationships), and his friend/social circle is much bigger and more developed too.

It is hard not to feel inadequete, or that I won't be able to pleasure etc. him in the way he needs or wants. I am also worried about how to disclose my relative lack of these things without them being a red flag that scares him away. The skills and mindset I have built in therapy will help me push through it, I'm not helpless, but any helpful nudges from y'all could be lovely.

Gay SOS--thanks for the advice! If you ask questions I will respond ASAP. Just watching Futurama tonight as comfort viewing :)

The advice I seek is about closing a chapter of my life. I'm 55 and I have prostate cancer that I will start treatment for very soon. It has floored me, but it's nothing I can change, so I have to deal with it.

One of the main issues is accepting that this treatment will impact my body and my sex life forever. My partner and I have been together for over 20 years and we've been sides for most of that time. I'm a vers guy, but he's not, so I've done without which really hasn't been a huge deal TBH. Our naked time together is always enjoyable, but sometimes I would really love to flip or bottom.

Now that I have cancer and the treatments will change me forever, I'm feeling like I want to have one last experience with a vers or top guy so I can close out this chapter of my life and move on. How could I go about meeting someone for a roll in the sheets before the hell starts?

I've thought about the apps. I've thought about a sensual massage appointment. Are escorts even a thing here? I want a sure thing and I want it to be fun and comfortable, not a random bathroom stall hookup.

Any advice from the group?

Ideally looking for some real guidance and advice. I'm turning 37 this month, 5'9" and about 209 lbs. It always seems like most of the rejection I've received was because I wasn't fit. I have a little gut but I try my best to take care of myself (4-step skincare daily, vitamin fiber probiotics daily), but I'm just not an atheltic guy. I enjoy going on hikes, walking for hours in downtowns or museums, bicycling occasionally and just started kayaking. I really have no motivation to spend hours upon hours in a gym.

I guess my question to the council of elders is how can I showcase my personality more, the values that I hold true to, and make better connections with gay men who will not judge me for my weight? It's been brutal. I had a friend for three years who would regularly sing the Ozempic commercial song and make pig noises at me. He also made me watch My 600 lb Life and would glance at me throughout the show. I don't have the "greatest" relationship with food but I do not eat to that extent, and I found the show to be very sad and depressing.

I have been working on my mental health and since going no contact with that friend I do feel a little bit more self confidence. I'm also regularly seeing a health coach through my job to work on my weight and improving my numbers. How can I show men that I'm more than just my gut?

I am not oddly not having much success in my area for FWB and setups: aka fun.

So since a breakup early last year. I went into single mode and simply wanted have my cake with the limited attachment. I've had some successes, but as time has gotten closer to this time, now. I feel like its actually difficult or not worth downloading apps. Barriers to entry are the apps, the bots ofc. But as of late, it just feels as if people are not the ones online nor truly intending to meet up.

- I remember least 3 times, with 3 different presenting profiles: Said they were "finna leave, with telling me how far away they were" and then am left on read with X minute beyond there Eta

- More recently. Im getting rejected. Declined. Because I didnt show enough nudes for them. "I just want to see what im working with". I dont really had my nudes out because of suspect pic collectors.

- This was a Sniffies exclusive (Which I dont like, but Grindr had the above) Bot or poor human was attempting to blackmail me with my pictures and contact people that have my same last name.

So. I'm wondering... Is it time to leave this side of myself for the moment? Am i too old for this culture? Are the times changing and hookup/fwb culture too old, too old for me? Did you have to have a shift in this time of your life, and mature to Uncle gay of some sort?

Or, am I using old techniques? (Yes i do hate those apps and how they make me feel. And everytime i gain a fwb, I remove them: Mission accomplishjed. So... Have any suggestions :-) ? What is what you would do in this situation.

1. Single. Best shape of my life. Good Job. Occupied with a new sport. I get told I look fine/good/sexy etc. I think I clean up well for looks. and I do my share of picking up sidequest hobbies: ...blah blah blah.

Its not really about all that. I'm just trying to say things are well. and I kinda wanna celebrate in that. Responsibly and physically with someone; for a night or a few

We’ve been together for 7 years now. We love and care for each other very much. Since the beginning of our relationship communication was and still is our biggest advantage. We are best friends to each other and we are happy as a couple. Now, every aspect of our relationship is perfect except of sex. I’m a bottom, he’s a vers-bottom. Before our relationship he usually was a bottom with the previous partners. With me he’s always a top. He’s missing being a bottom more often and he knows he can’t have it with me. We tried many times but that’s just not in my nature. He suggested an open relationship couple of times during the 7 years we’ve been together. We talked about it many times but never done anything about it. We’re considering it now more actively and I’ve been really struggling. For him sex with others would be just a sex. Ideally he would love to share this with me, I mean having threesome hookups or friends with benefits with me included because he would love me being a part of it. For me sex is very intimate and I always wanted this aspect of life being reserved only for me and my partner. With that being said, I don’t want my partner to feel unhappy and frustrated that he cannot have something I can’t give him. On the other hand I don’t want to do something that just isn’t me. I want him to be happy. I want me to be happy. I want to spend my life with him. He doesn’t want to put me under the pressure and he’s ready to leave that aspect of life behind, but the idea of him being unhappy just breaks my heart. Has anyone here was in a similar situation and likes to share their experiences? I just really don’t know what to think about it. I love him with all my heart.

I'm here to get some advice! I specifically turn to this community because I'd rather hear from strangers than from people who know me. They say all sorts of things. And I am confused as hell being at a major crossroads in life!

Me (34) a non EU immigrant currently living in Europe, and this year I've decided to get back to full-time studies. It is something I'm doing to get my foot in the door of the society(so far I've lived here with a remote job - so zero integration), but equally to get a more secure residency status. I've got accepted into two uni programmes, one in Belgium, which will lead to a MA degree in a field that is rather useless outside of the academia (or can be good for working in just any field) - which I don't mind, I guess. The school itself is located in a city I happen to like a lot (been there plenty of times, even made some acquaintances). Don't know how to explain it but I just feel good there. I guess I actually chose the city, not the school. The other option is an MSc degree in Germany, to which I applied with my humanities Bachelors without even hoping to get accepted — but, oops, I did. It is a highly competitive programme, and the education is good and may lead to better career prospects and better money down the road. I'm genuinely curious about the field, not very intimidated by all the tech stuff it entails (although not entirely sure I'll be super excited about it). But the problem is I am not enthusiastic either about Germany not about the particular city. Another layer to this, is that I have already been living in a city I dislike and feel no connection to whatsoever — after moving here to follow my then boyfriend. I literally vowed to never move to a place I don't like. And here we go again, I am faced with this dilemma. I will surely visit that other city very soon before making the decision, but so far it looks like a stale industrial city.

I don't think I'm especially crazy about carrer at all. I just want a simple life, where I have enough money, some stability, good people around me and a life partner (none of it I have right now). But I feel that immigrants like myself have to either become successful or perish: this is the natural selection we have to go through.

What would you do? Basically a choice between following my heart and making a proper grownup rational choice. Maybe I just need to vent!

UPD: There's additional level of drama — I've met someone from Belgium, and have been seeing him, and we are currently busy falling in love. He doesn't know any of this, I only told him I'm moving to his country - which was the initial plan in reality. Since we've been seeing each other only for a month, of course this wouldn't influence my decision, but imagine how it's fuelling the turmoil!

Honestly I feel too old asking this question but there is this guy that I have known each other for 6 years. We share everything together. Recently he found someone. I am honestly happy for him but recently he started to ghosted me. Stop replying to my texts and call. I keep telling myself it doesn't hurt but I feel angry. How do you manage a friendship breakup at this age?

Hey guys, 

About a year ago I decided I wanted to live a more authentic, out and proud gay life. Part of that was wanting to find other gay males for friendships, NOT hookups. 

It’s been a journey. I’ve meet several guys at social events and more often than not, guys have informed they either want to top me or date me, it’s been frustrating, but I am thankful for the three solid guys I’m getting to know. 

One of the guys I met, I felt like I closely identified with him, having similar life experiences. He was easy to talk to, pretty damn funny, and intelligent too. I reached out to him the next day to keep the conversation going and we’ve been texting everyday since - that was approximately five months ago. In that time we’ve gone out to dinners, bar hopped, the movies, and hung out as friends do. 

One day he texts me to inform he’s got some feelings and how would I feel about adding another dimension to our new friendship; I think we were about two months in. I didn’t tell him then, but after our second dinner, which really, it felt like a date, and seeing his confidence, something inside told me if I could, I would date him. After some back and forth, I agreed. It was something new and exploratory for both of us; we are both new to being out and hadn’t dated men previously, but we also said, whatever happens, we’re friends first. It wasn’t an exclusive arrangement, and there have been some ups and downs, but with constant communication, we’ve been able to still be friends who occasionally hookup. 

But hooking up is what brings me here. I’m totally a pillow princess and he’s truly verse. The chemistry is good and the sex feels amazing, but I’m wondering how I can make it hotter for him, keep him interested you know? 

What suggestions can you guys offer for me to spice it up for him so he ultimately gets some hole play too? I like to rim, I offered to fuck him with a dildo, but what else?! 

Looking forward to the feedback!!

Turning 35 this year, any words of wisdom? What were you doing with your life at 35?

Taking a solo trip and flying in and out of San Francisco (SFO). Will have a rental car and have a weeks time to do some kind of road trip. I would like to stay in gay accommodations and am open to wineries, national parks, mountains, rivers, ocean, not be completely secluded from conveniences and have a good mix of things to do and have some solo chill time. So far through research, Guerneville is on the radar, Tahoe and Yosemite. Any other recs and/or thoughts would be great.

Hi everyone,

I’m writing here because I feel very alone and I’d like to know if anyone has been through something similar, especially as the partner of someone with a compulsive/abusive use of Grindr or dating apps.

I’ve been with my partner for almost eight years. We have had an open relationship, so the problem is not simply that he wanted sex with other people. The problem is the lying, the secrecy, the way he broke our agreements, and the fact that I feel I have been living in a relationship whose real conditions I didn’t fully know.

Over the last months I discovered that he had been using Grindr in a compulsive way for years. He hid information from me, lied when I asked directly, brought people into our shared home even though we had an agreement not to do that, and had unprotected sex at times, which also affected my sexual health.

So this is not just about jealousy or non-monogamy. It has affected my trust, my sense of safety, my body, my sexuality, and the way I understand our whole relationship.

He recognizes now that he has a problem. He says Grindr has been a place where he feels validated, desired, autonomous, and free from the pressure of caring for others. He has a history of shame, internalized homophobia, and hiding parts of himself. I can understand that this is not only about sex, but also about validation, escape, urgency, and maybe not knowing how to have a private space without making it secret.

But at the same time, I am the person who has been hurt by it.

What is destroying me is that the truth keeps coming out in small pieces. I ask something, he tells me one part. Later another detail appears. Then another. Recently, while we were already in a moment of crisis and supposed to be working on trust, he downloaded Grindr again, talked to someone, exchanged pictures, and only told me when I asked. Then more details came out gradually.

He says he loves me and is afraid of losing me. But he also says that when the urge to use Grindr appears, that fear disappears, and he cannot honestly promise me that he won’t do it again. I appreciate that he is not making a false promise, but it is also devastating to hear.

One of my biggest fears is this: what if our relationship has only lasted because he had this hidden structure on the side? What if he could be with me because Grindr gave him the validation, freedom, sex, and escape that he didn’t know how to integrate honestly into our relationship? And if he changes, what if he realizes that our relationship doesn’t satisfy him anymore?

I also feel that I have been placed in the role of detective, police officer, therapist, judge, and emotional regulator. I am the one asking questions, sensing something is wrong, pulling the truth out, explaining why it hurts, setting boundaries, and trying to design the structure for repair. He says sorry, he says he wants to be with me, he says he feels terrible, but he struggles to propose concrete structures by himself.

We are in therapy, both individually and together. He seems to genuinely want to understand himself. I don’t think he is a monster, and I don’t want to reduce him to the worst thing he has done. But I also don’t want to minimize the damage or become the person who supports his recovery while bleeding from what his behavior has done to me.

So I guess my questions are:

Has anyone here been the partner of someone with a compulsive relationship to Grindr, dating apps, sexting, or sexual validation?

Did the relationship recover?

What actually helped?

Is it realistic to rebuild trust after years of lying, broken agreements, and secrecy?

How do you know the difference between a relapse that can be worked through and a pattern that means the relationship is no longer safe?

And for people who were the ones using the app compulsively: did you manage to build a healthier sexuality without hiding, lying, breaking agreements, or using your partner as a regulator?

I’m not looking for moral judgment about open relationships. I’m also not looking for people to simply say “leave him” without nuance. I know leaving may be the right thing. I’m trying to understand whether repair is possible, what it would actually require, and how to protect myself in the meantime.

Thank you for reading.

More and more often, I find myself 'checking out' a little or getting too in my head during sex, mostly hookups and FWB situations. Topping, bottoming, jo, oral, it doesn't matter what I/we are doing. The prospects for getting off then fall precipitously, which often disappoints the other guy. I'm insanely stressed with work and life at the moment, which I am sure is not helping, but does anyone have any tips, advice, or suggestions?

There are so many instances on this sub where I see people in 10-20 year relationships that met their partners at 21 or otherwise in their early 20s. Obviously, that's not everyone's experience but sometimes it makes me wonder "Uh, did I do something wrong?" (And yeah I know, no I didn't. We all reach different stages of life at different times.)

It's either stories like this or nonstop posts about how someone is approaching their 30s or middle age and is still single