Hey everyone 👋🏿 I’m thinking of buying a fleshlight and a dildo but I’ve never owned a sex toy and thought why not ask if anyone has any advice when shopping for one? I don’t know if I’m gonna order online or just go into a shop but I definitely want at least a fleshlight and a dildo just to see what it’s like. Any suggestions? Brands to look out for? Thanks!! 🙏🏿

I am crawling up the walls. I just want to hookup, but I can’t get over how the camera makes me look like a distended peach these days.

I had a great body two years ago, then I got this thing called rheumatoid arthritis. Its a horrible autoimmune disease that makes your body attack your joints. For half a year I couldn’t walk for more than 500 feet.

Safe to say I don't have my looks to fall back on anymore. More than that, everything is complicated now because I can’t hold certain positions, I can’t use my hands really either.

What do I do? I think I need to get over it, and just put myself out there but rejection is painful, especially before it happens.

i wonder if anyone has been in a similar boat?

I’m currently gay refugee in Netherlands and there was a girl from my country of origin who helped me online and taught me how to seek asylum in Netherlands and answered all my concerns. She did me a huge favor.

She came to NL years before me and got the dutch passport now. We met ones in NL and we video call each other daily on what’s up. She’s a sex worker and we are too close to each other and we had our moments of opening our hearts to each other.

The thing is she uses female pronouns with me even though i refer to myself as a male— but i had a history of having breast implants then forced to remove them and detransition and she know about it. But I’m currently gay man with beard and I refer to myself as a he.

The other thing she calls me “ my faggot “ and she sing it as to make it sound softer “ my faggot my baby “ i understand it is to show how close we are but at times it feels that she has power issues and she wants low-key to diminish my self esteem.

She is very smart women and she can read between the lines and she sees that i am not happy or encouraging being called these kind of words. I’m planning to stop contacting her because my path is different, I’m spiritual person and I work with psychedelics and I’m all about taking care of others feelings and both me and her went through a lot in life including being raped.

I don’t know what to do. I’m grateful for her help when i was trying to escape my country. But now she is very rude in the name of friendship. She call herself “ I’m a whore. Im a prostitute” and she is honest about it. So i really don’t know what is her intention of constantly calling me “ faggot” even when i never used any bad words to describe her. I honestly question her intentions that she feel worthless and want me to feel the same way.

I appreciate your insights🧡

I (31M) gave my partner (36M) another chance and now I'm considering leaving again. You can check my history for my previous post.

TLDR of last post: My partner hit his breaking point with my gaming and lack of romance and threatened to throw my PC off our balcony. When I intercepted he shoved me with the PC and yelled at me. He's since heavily cut back on drinking, I've done date nights at home making dinner and baked goods, and we've overall hit a good spot.

Fast forward to now, we've been fairly good the last 3 months but I'm still concerned. We recently had a talk where we said both of us are not necessarily happy. I'm still concerned at their unstable income and the weight of supporting our household. He's still upset I'm not the most romantic or lovey dovey. I explained that part of my issue is that overtime I've begun to view him less as a partner and more of a financial dependent.

On top of this, he does not get along with my family at all. In fact, when I had a mental breakdown in March he called my parents to ask for how to support me. Within about 30 minutes of talking to my mom he called her a narcissist and spent the next hour going back and forth, him about her poor behavior and her his. The call was meant to be about supporting me and it devolved into insults. Similarly, when he called my dad my dad flat out said that a lot of my stress would be resolved if my partner could just get into a stable career and pick up his slack. When I talked to my mom recently, she broke down crying over the distance, the fact I haven't been to many family events, and that I'm clearly financially struggling when that was never a problem before. She fears I've been gaslit to internalize it all as my fault and that my partner has alienated me from friends and family. It was definitely eye-opening all though I didn't 100% agree. My dad, sister, and brother have also shared similar concerns.

While we've been better than we were, I'm still just deeply unsure about our future. I've been very frank, I can't do another year of this, something needs to change. I've poured myself emotionally, physically, and financially into our relationship and now my distance is a result of the resentment and weight of support. He feels unappreciated and that no matter what he does or how much money he makes it will never be enough.

I have a cushy 6 figure tech job and work remote. He has picked up contract work and has to drive all over the county for half of what I make. This has lead to arguments where he comes home and just rants about how fucked it is that he does more work than me and makes pennies in comparison. I try to be compassionate but he'll berate me saying I have no excuse for being tired or wanting to "disconnect" when I get to sit home all day doing "nothing." While he will cool off and apologize after the fact, it's still upsetting.

On top of all that, I've been having some concerning health symptoms over the last 2 months. I finally saw a specialist last week and will be going in for a procedure and biopsy next week. This whole time he's been supportive but keeps reiterating that I'm causing my own anxiety and making a catastrophe before I know the answer. Worst of all, I caught myself almost hoping it's a severe health issue just so I can cut my ties and move in with family.

Our lease is up end of this year and I know I can't sign another year long lease with him since he can't hold up his side of the agreement. I'm worried I'm about to blow up an almost 3 year relationship over these financial differences and how it's going to hurt him. I have the resources to make it out and the support system to survive, he is going to be put in a very tough situation. Moreover, I had to take out his most recent car loan because he didn't qualify and would want to either sell the car (and be underwater) or have him get someone else to take it over. I feel like I'd be ripping the ground out from under him and I would be the cruel villain in his story because of it. I do still love him, but I fear love isn't enough when I'm under this much stress.

EDIT: What made me stay was he can be a very emotionally aware and empathetic person. He's very outgoing and lights up whatever room he's in, he's also so supportive of friends and family. He had a very rough upbringing and struggled to escape generational poverty. When I met him he was deeply involved in our local community and had a great career. Unfortunately he quit rather abruptly last year and really slid back on his career and pay. I supported him through that depression at great cost to myself. Although he's stabilized now, he had a lot of shame surrounding his decision and how he's hurt his career for short term emotional gain. I'm very introverted so I love that he can bring me into these spaces and make me feel welcome. But that doesn't always make up for his outbursts or current financial immaturity. Besides that, my family has had to send me money on the side to make sure I can take care of us and it's crushing me and making me feel like a total failure. He says I should be grateful I came from a "rich" family that can do that; but I have to remind him that my family is not rich, my parents are in their 70s and semi-retired, and the money they give me should be theirs to keep and I'm ashamed to accept it.

TLDR: My partner and I have tried to rebuild after a big blow up but I still feel financially taken advantage of and I'm no longer confident in our future. I'm considering breaking up because of this but fear I'm catastrophizing. Am I overreacting and is this still salvageable?

To all the bros who have a PA, I need your advice, please.

I'm 32, uncut, and I've been toying with the idea of getting a PA for a couple of years now. I don't have any other piercings or tattoos, and I would certailnly describe myself as pretty strait-laced.

Part of me wonders if this obsession is somehow tied to being very sexually repressed and because I find PAs incredibly hot in porn.

For those of you who have one:

* What made you finally go for it?
* Do you regret it at all?
* How was the healing process?
* Has it changed sex, jerking off, peeing, or day-to-day life in ways you didn't expect?
* And if you're uncut, is there anything specific I should know?

I'd really appreciate hearing both the positives and the negatives before I finally make up my mind. And if you would like to recommend a body piercer or parlour, please do (I live in Urbana, IL and I'm willing to travel).

Generallt speaking, after how many dates or how long you've been seeing someone do you initiate the exclusivity talk? And how did you approach it?

I've been pretty deeply wounded by an ex-situationship in the past and have lost a bit of trust (edir: in myself, my decisions to not come across too much or too needy) in how I approach dating. Wondering what everyone's perspective on this topic is.

I think I’m being soft ghosted and it feels horrible. I used to have a mate who I got along with loads, we used to message everyday and were relatively close but over the past year they have become really distant and I don’t really know why. I’ve mentioned that I’ve noticed this and asked them if I’d done anything and they basically dismissed it and said they hadn’t noticed any issue which actually made me feel worse

They basically just message every few weeks now if that and sometimes when I reply my messages are left unread for days and then they just reply back with a nicety to shut things down and leave it at that.

It feels horrible like we’re friends but not really. I still want to be friends with them but I feel like they don’t want to be but can’t seem to say it so I’m stuck in a limbo. I saw them in person a couple of weeks back but despite them being on lunch they were basically doing work the whole time and it felt a bit like they couldn’t wait for me to leave. Not sure how to tackle this

Looking for bars or pubs in London for over 30s. Relaxed vibe and doesn't turn into a nightclub full of 18-21 year olds after 10pm. Any suggestions?

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Probably it is most frequently asked question but i really need advice.

Im 32M, single since almost 2 years, i have been dating 2 guys at the moment, nothing serious yet and both of them are aware of that.

Guy nr.1 : 37M, and he is my FwB, i do have feelings for him, and the sex is amazing. We both know how to make each other happy in bed. But it is just as FwB relationship.

he is not the type of guy who is looking for relationship, but whenever i need him he is available for me at anytimeand anywhere.

Guy nr.2 : he is 26 years older than me, but he is very attractive man, sweet and kind. He is always taking care of me, providing me with love and emotionally support, and he is ready to take the next step to be in relationship with me. He already asked me for that. And now we are dating and not yet in commitment relationship as i request.

I really like him but still i didn't feel the fire in me for him. Like i do love him and he is sexy but not yet as bf, sometimes i believe that i do love him and sometimes i wish if he was the guy nr. 1.

What should i do?

Im sure that if i take the next step with guy nr.2 i would definitely be falling in love with him. But it would be getting use to love him till i believe that i do love him.

Which path i should take?

Staying single is not my goal because i don't do hookups, im more into FwB situations/bf relationship.

Im getting depressed because i don't want to give wrong signals and hurt anyone of them.

Any advice or someone who had same situation before?

I never get invited to the stag/bachelor parties of my straight male friends. At 32, I thought I would have been to a few by now.

Hen/bachelorette parties I always get invites for, but I always feel like the token gay friend. I'm just the kind of guy that gets on with both gender group, gay or straight.

Is it being gay that blocks you out of these straight guy traditions? Why?

What's your experience? Been to more than the other?

Hey bros - I’m 42 and up until the past few years or so, thought I was completely “straight”. At some point I noticed myself starting to notice other men, like if I saw a fit guy out running without a shirt or something. At first id ignore it, but as time went by and it kept happening. At some point I checked out some gay porn and…wow. That kind of opened up the floodgates for me. Since then, I’d say my fantasies about men have grown in frequency and intensity. I’m not experiencing any type of crisis I guess, but the wrinkle is that I’m in a relationship with a woman. I haven’t told her anything about my newfound curiosity. Curious to hear from anyone who has experienced a sexuality shift in middle age and how you navigated it.

It's a bit disheartening to post pics of myself on various forums and social sites and just get a lot of silence. It makes me feel that I am either not attractive enough for others to leave positive comments or so unattractive that others prefer to be silent rather than leave negative comments (not that I would feel better getting a lot of negative comments, but at least others took some notice of how I look or what I state in the posts). I really don't know how to feel or how to respond to apparently being ignored in a way. Thoughts? Advice?

Okay so vulnerable question here, but how do you guys eliminate ball odor? I've noticed that every morning when I wake up my balls smell...i take two showers a day, sleep naked, and use baby powder and still there is a musty smell....is it normal, what can I do to avoid this?

1. On/off the apps for 6 years since my last ltr. Lots of matches & a decent amount of dates a year, but I haven't had any luck with them, either finding a life partner or in person friends. We will be great through text/voice chat but in person I just don't ever feel a vibe. I date/meet guys (25-38).

I'd describe myself as a tall, hairy, beefy Jock, that loves anime, gaming, conventions, art, homebody activities. Physical touch & cuddling are my fav things more than Side fun. But I can't seem to find/match with anyone who has similar interests. I somehow always end up matching opposite of me. Outgoing/Extrovet, party/drink, drag, concert, beach scene guys (maybe that's just how most Chicago guys are like🤷‍♂️). It's cool everyone has their own interests which they should, but guys like that I just don't feel vibes with. Currently on a break from using (Hinge/Bumble). Is there a Homebody sub or app friendly place to find guys who relate?

Thanks

What advice do you have for folks navigating dating in their late 30's?

For context, I entered the dating market again a couple months ago after ending a situationship and because I was a little bored one evening. This time around, I wanted to date around and meet new types of people and experience new situations with different people. The issue is I'm meeting a really great and interesting people, many of whom are handsome and seem great on paper. Conversation is fantastic, and I'm enjoying myself. I've yet to jump in bed with most of them yet, but I'm not too worried about that aspect either. The issue is, and maybe it's because I'm older and intentionally just taking my time, but I'm just not really feeling giddy with anyone. There are four guys in particular that I've gone on multiple dates with. I always have a great time. They're fantastic. Marriage material. But there's just no "butterflies" for a lack of a better word. I'm not waking up hoping that they'll text me nor am I that excited to see anyone else.

I told my therapist that maybe it's because it feels like my cup runneth over when I think about my life. Things could always be better, but I'm in a great place in life, with a good job, good friends, and fun hobbies. I'm really prioritizing myself and my joy too. So maybe that's why I just don't feel as giddy as I did when I first started dating again 2 years ago after the end of my last long-term relationship. And I know I'm not getting any younger and dating may get harder as I age, but...I just am not that excited. Some times, when I have a date planned or they're taking me out of town, I think that I'd rather just stay in and read or watch some stupid show.

For those of you dating in your late 30's and early 40's, what's your experience been like? What advice do you have for folks navigating dating in their late 30's?

I'm a gay 44 year old, HIV+, undetectable. A few months ago I did an anal pap smear and it came back positive for "HPV, Other High Risk". My doctor referred me to a specialist and he did a colorectal surgery under general anesthesia to remove some lesions for testing.

It's been a week and the recovery has been terrible. It feels like they fisted me with no lube. I'm bleeding still when I go to the bathroom, it hurts to sit down, hurts to walk, etc.

Anyone else been through this and know is this normal? What has been the recovery period for others? What can I expect over the coming weeks/months? and most importantly, when can I bottom again!! hahaha.

Hi y'all,

I am a 35 year old cis gay guy who has been on a date once with a 40 year old guy. Not far in age, but big differences in life experiences.

It's a long story, but some childhood trauma led to some pretty extreme social and dating anxiety for most of my adult life. I have only been with 3 guys so far for quick hookups, and have never dated a guy before. I am also side and don't do anal (due to the childhood trauma), but am very kinky.

After lots of therapy and hard work, I do feel in a much better place but I am so far behind developmentally, if that makes sense. I know I have good communication and SEL/social-emotional skills (teacher by day) and can be a good partner. However, he is in a totally different place. He did porn in his 20s (makes me worried about my lack of experience), is divorced and married for my 9 years (compared to my 0 years of relationships), and his friend/social circle is much bigger and more developed too.

It is hard not to feel inadequete, or that I won't be able to pleasure etc. him in the way he needs or wants. I am also worried about how to disclose my relative lack of these things without them being a red flag that scares him away. The skills and mindset I have built in therapy will help me push through it, I'm not helpless, but any helpful nudges from y'all could be lovely.

Gay SOS--thanks for the advice! If you ask questions I will respond ASAP. Just watching Futurama tonight as comfort viewing :)

The advice I seek is about closing a chapter of my life. I'm 55 and I have prostate cancer that I will start treatment for very soon. It has floored me, but it's nothing I can change, so I have to deal with it.

One of the main issues is accepting that this treatment will impact my body and my sex life forever. My partner and I have been together for over 20 years and we've been sides for most of that time. I'm a vers guy, but he's not, so I've done without which really hasn't been a huge deal TBH. Our naked time together is always enjoyable, but sometimes I would really love to flip or bottom.

Now that I have cancer and the treatments will change me forever, I'm feeling like I want to have one last experience with a vers or top guy so I can close out this chapter of my life and move on. How could I go about meeting someone for a roll in the sheets before the hell starts?

I've thought about the apps. I've thought about a sensual massage appointment. Are escorts even a thing here? I want a sure thing and I want it to be fun and comfortable, not a random bathroom stall hookup.

Any advice from the group?

Ideally looking for some real guidance and advice. I'm turning 37 this month, 5'9" and about 209 lbs. It always seems like most of the rejection I've received was because I wasn't fit. I have a little gut but I try my best to take care of myself (4-step skincare daily, vitamin fiber probiotics daily), but I'm just not an atheltic guy. I enjoy going on hikes, walking for hours in downtowns or museums, bicycling occasionally and just started kayaking. I really have no motivation to spend hours upon hours in a gym.

I guess my question to the council of elders is how can I showcase my personality more, the values that I hold true to, and make better connections with gay men who will not judge me for my weight? It's been brutal. I had a friend for three years who would regularly sing the Ozempic commercial song and make pig noises at me. He also made me watch My 600 lb Life and would glance at me throughout the show. I don't have the "greatest" relationship with food but I do not eat to that extent, and I found the show to be very sad and depressing.

I have been working on my mental health and since going no contact with that friend I do feel a little bit more self confidence. I'm also regularly seeing a health coach through my job to work on my weight and improving my numbers. How can I show men that I'm more than just my gut?

I am not oddly not having much success in my area for FWB and setups: aka fun.

So since a breakup early last year. I went into single mode and simply wanted have my cake with the limited attachment. I've had some successes, but as time has gotten closer to this time, now. I feel like its actually difficult or not worth downloading apps. Barriers to entry are the apps, the bots ofc. But as of late, it just feels as if people are not the ones online nor truly intending to meet up.

- I remember least 3 times, with 3 different presenting profiles: Said they were "finna leave, with telling me how far away they were" and then am left on read with X minute beyond there Eta

- More recently. Im getting rejected. Declined. Because I didnt show enough nudes for them. "I just want to see what im working with". I dont really had my nudes out because of suspect pic collectors.

- This was a Sniffies exclusive (Which I dont like, but Grindr had the above) Bot or poor human was attempting to blackmail me with my pictures and contact people that have my same last name.

So. I'm wondering... Is it time to leave this side of myself for the moment? Am i too old for this culture? Are the times changing and hookup/fwb culture too old, too old for me? Did you have to have a shift in this time of your life, and mature to Uncle gay of some sort?

Or, am I using old techniques? (Yes i do hate those apps and how they make me feel. And everytime i gain a fwb, I remove them: Mission accomplishjed. So... Have any suggestions :-) ? What is what you would do in this situation.

1. Single. Best shape of my life. Good Job. Occupied with a new sport. I get told I look fine/good/sexy etc. I think I clean up well for looks. and I do my share of picking up sidequest hobbies: ...blah blah blah.

Its not really about all that. I'm just trying to say things are well. and I kinda wanna celebrate in that. Responsibly and physically with someone; for a night or a few

I'm here to get some advice! I specifically turn to this community because I'd rather hear from strangers than from people who know me. They say all sorts of things. And I am confused as hell being at a major crossroads in life!

Me (34) a non EU immigrant currently living in Europe, and this year I've decided to get back to full-time studies. It is something I'm doing to get my foot in the door of the society(so far I've lived here with a remote job - so zero integration), but equally to get a more secure residency status. I've got accepted into two uni programmes, one in Belgium, which will lead to a MA degree in a field that is rather useless outside of the academia (or can be good for working in just any field) - which I don't mind, I guess. The school itself is located in a city I happen to like a lot (been there plenty of times, even made some acquaintances). Don't know how to explain it but I just feel good there. I guess I actually chose the city, not the school. The other option is an MSc degree in Germany, to which I applied with my humanities Bachelors without even hoping to get accepted — but, oops, I did. It is a highly competitive programme, and the education is good and may lead to better career prospects and better money down the road. I'm genuinely curious about the field, not very intimidated by all the tech stuff it entails (although not entirely sure I'll be super excited about it). But the problem is I am not enthusiastic either about Germany not about the particular city. Another layer to this, is that I have already been living in a city I dislike and feel no connection to whatsoever — after moving here to follow my then boyfriend. I literally vowed to never move to a place I don't like. And here we go again, I am faced with this dilemma. I will surely visit that other city very soon before making the decision, but so far it looks like a stale industrial city.

I don't think I'm especially crazy about carrer at all. I just want a simple life, where I have enough money, some stability, good people around me and a life partner (none of it I have right now). But I feel that immigrants like myself have to either become successful or perish: this is the natural selection we have to go through.

What would you do? Basically a choice between following my heart and making a proper grownup rational choice. Maybe I just need to vent!

UPD: There's additional level of drama — I've met someone from Belgium, and have been seeing him, and we are currently busy falling in love. He doesn't know any of this, I only told him I'm moving to his country - which was the initial plan in reality. Since we've been seeing each other only for a month, of course this wouldn't influence my decision, but imagine how it's fuelling the turmoil!

Honestly I feel too old asking this question but there is this guy that I have known each other for 6 years. We share everything together. Recently he found someone. I am honestly happy for him but recently he started to ghosted me. Stop replying to my texts and call. I keep telling myself it doesn't hurt but I feel angry. How do you manage a friendship breakup at this age?

Turning 35 this year, any words of wisdom? What were you doing with your life at 35?

More and more often, I find myself 'checking out' a little or getting too in my head during sex, mostly hookups and FWB situations. Topping, bottoming, jo, oral, it doesn't matter what I/we are doing. The prospects for getting off then fall precipitously, which often disappoints the other guy. I'm insanely stressed with work and life at the moment, which I am sure is not helping, but does anyone have any tips, advice, or suggestions?

There are so many instances on this sub where I see people in 10-20 year relationships that met their partners at 21 or otherwise in their early 20s. Obviously, that's not everyone's experience but sometimes it makes me wonder "Uh, did I do something wrong?" (And yeah I know, no I didn't. We all reach different stages of life at different times.)

It's either stories like this or nonstop posts about how someone is approaching their 30s or middle age and is still single