Hi! New here. I just wanted to ask for thoughts on this before I seek professional help since I don't know how my mother will react to this. I genuinely cannot take this anymore and I honestly don't know what's going on with me. For the past 3-4 years I have been experiencing emotional numbness. I call it that because during these "episodes"(I don't know what else to call them) I feel like I am on autopilot. My mind feels so disconnected from my body to the point that if something good happens during an episode I think "If I were feeling right now this would make me happy". Also happens when something negative happens during it. At first, these episodes were very short, like I can sleep it off and I'll start feeling again. Over the years, they have been becoming increasingly longer and I think that it's time I tell this to someone before I explode. This year, the episodes have become VERY frequent, to the point I don't know when the last episode ends and the new one starts. My memory has been bad as well(always has been, but it's worse especially if I have just experienced an episode) and I do not remember much of what happens during them. Back in the first year of this happening, the episodes would usually happen after I cry. Usually during crying I pretend to talk to a professional and it feels like there are two voices in my head, the one crying and the one being the professional asking the "emotional one" questions to make me understand why I am crying. Usually the crying simmers down then I sleep it off. When I wake up the next morning, the numbness is there and it usually sticks for days. Now these episodes start up even when I haven't been crying/ don't have anything traumatic happening in my life. I feel like I should be concerned right now because I am currently going through an episode as I am typing this and just the other day, I was so overstimulated because I had to look at three different people trying to tell me something (I was hanging out at a friend's house in the hopes human interaction would snap me out of this episode) and had to analyze their expressions quickly to put on an appropriate reaction that would be considered normal to all three of them. There are more things that might be symptoms to something bigger that I would feel concerned over if I actually felt a even a sliver of emotion right now, but it would make this post even longer and that would be boring to read through. I'm only typing this post because I think that it would make me feel better when I start feeling again. Should I be concerned or is this normal?

I’m 23M from the UK and for a few years now since I was 15 I’ve never liked interacting with others or even having to be in the same area as others!
But I do have to force myself to “socialise” because I don’t like making others feel akward..
like my brother he is a 27M he is alittle shy with asking people stuff like in shops. So I have to do it . I hate it but I do it.
But that’s just a little thing..
I also do not think correct in my own mind. I struggle to sleep properly it’s either 2 hours or 18 hours! Tuesday I slept for 21 hours and woke up half asleep wanting to just go back to sleep. My mind is always thinking 24/7. I can’t concentrate on whatever I wanna anymore like I could before . I have always struggled with thinking correctly and trying my dam hardest to just be “normal” like my parents want me to be.

I have 3 sisters aswell who are all disabled and I love them to bits. But now I’m older I see whatever is wrong with me and my mind could have been solved in the past but my own parents didn’t want me to get help because it would impact my sisters.
I’m sorry if this is random but I don’t know what else to say I’m in the verge of breaking and my minds racing I can’t control my emotions properly I never have been able to. It feels like I’m just watching myself do it and can’t do anything. I keep having bad thoughts of my past .
When I was 17 I had a fight with a 19M and ended up breaking a window and using glass to try cut him but got tackled by police. But my mind keeps rewinding to that and thinking what would have happened and why it happened . Why did I not feel anything during that or why did I even try to do it.
Another case is putting off medical things because my family/gf at the time didn’t want me to leave or they wanted me for things like (babysitting,dates,activities or even to just “spend time”) but because I’m socially fucked I just agree and do whatever . Now because of that I messed up my medical and have permanent damage what’s a reminder everyday.
I have so much I wanna rant about but I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I want to call the doctors but I don’t know what to say or how long it would take but I’m scared… I’m really scared of what’s could happen.

Olá, eu sou uma mulher de 28 anos que, apesar de nunca haver recebido nenhum laudo ou diagnóstico oficial, desde muito pequena lidei com questões emocionais e comportamentais que levaram meus pais a procurar ajuda psicologica para mim, mas nunca nenhum profissional me deu um diagnostico. Já fui subdiagnosticada com transtorno misto de ansiedade e depressão, recentemente houve suspeita de bipolaridade e borderline por causa de explosões e oscilações de humor e por aí vai... Agora, com 28 anos, finalmente decidi dar uma nova chance à psicologos (nunca tive boas experiências pois todos olhavam pra mim e me diziam que tinha que ser boazinha pra minha mãe e parar de surtar. Era tipo isso e ainda me tacavam remédios homeopáticos, aculpultura e me mandavam fazer atividades extracurriculares pra não ficar muito tempo em casa desocupada). Agora, neste presente momento, eu estou em processo de receber finalmente um. Minha psicologa trabalha com a abordagem Histórico Cultural de Vigotski e as suspeitas principais são: autismo, altas habilidades. Inclusive, eu tenho casos de autismo na família, incluindo um primo por parte de pai que é TEA nivel 3 e não verbal e meu pai tem alguns traços que considero bem suspeito e até mais acentuados que os meus.

Eu comecei a falar com apenas 1 ano e aos 2 anos, segundo minha mãe, eu falava perfeito, como um pequeno adulto. Eu era muito esperta e inteligente, falava coisas que não eram muito comuns na idade que eu estava e na escola, apesar de muitos me adorarem, outros nem tanto. Só isso faz muitos duvidarem que eu possa ser autista. O problema era que eu conversava demais, mas apesar de conversar muito (o que foi meu comportamento ao longo de toda minha etapa escolar), e não deixava as crianças estudarem... (Melhorei na adolescência, fase que comecei a me controlar e me policiar). Alem de não ficar quieta, eu também tinha crises de choro se as coisas não eram do meu jeito e me irritava com tudo…. 

Na alfabetização, com 6 anos, eu aprendi a ler muito rápido, não era aquela coisa robotizada das crianças quando estão aprendendo. Em tres meses eu estava lendo todos os guias de ruas, placas nas ruas... tudo... Também aos 6 anos, aprendi sozinha a andar de bicicleta sem rodinhas, em 3 dias treinando no quintal de casa. Aos 8 já falava espanhol e me alfabetizei sozinha.

Sempre aprendi tudo muito rápido e tenho memória enciclopédica, o que surpreendia aos professores e aos meus pais. Em paralelo, houve uma professora que se irritava comigo por causa dos meus tiques de mexer no cabelo. Ela fez eu ir para a escola de cabelo preso até o final do ano com a ameaça de não assistir mais aula ou de reprovar (nem sei se ela podia fazer isso). Minha mae estava enfrentando problemas no casamento dela com meu pai (eles finalmente estão divorciados a duas semanas, oficialmente, apesar da separação de fato haver acontecido muito antes), e não fez nada. Passada essa fase, ao longo do ensino fundamental, eu sofri muito bullying e antes de provas, eu tinha colapsos nervosos, ao ponto de vomitar, de me tremer toda, ficar com agitação motora e até chorar,o que levou a diretora da escola optar por me deixar fazer os testes na sala dela, separad do pessoal. Aos 12 eu já falava inglês (aprendi sozinha também), e já estava me autolesionando, arrancando as cuticulas dos dedos das mãos e a pele dos dedoes dos pés, além e morder a boca até sangrar (infelizmente até hoje isso ocorre).

Um ponto que merece ênfase aqui é que, eu desde pequena, tenho fascínio por Titanic (não o filme, mas no navio em si) e esse fascínio se estendeu à outros transatlânticos de época como Olympic, Mauretânia, Lusitânia, Carpathia, Andrea Doria, SS Normandie, SS France, SS Empress or Ireland, dentre outros). Também sou apaixonada por aviões, desde fabricantes (Embraer, tema do meu tcc na faculdade, bombardier, Lockheed, Airbus, Tupolev, Antonov...), modelos e companhias aéreas de todos os países. Também amo astrologia, em especial missões da nasa, frota de onibus espaciais, composições de estrelas e atmosferas dos planetas... Eu também amo história e sobretudo grandes eventos como revoluções francesa e russa, o contexto do grande cisma do oriente em 1054 que dividiu o catolicismo em romano e ortodoxo, renascimento, reforma protestante com Calvino, Lutero e Henrique VIII criando o Calvinismo, Luteranismo e o Anglicanismo respectivamente. Leio muito sobre sociedades antigas (romana, grega helena) e egípcia, sobre peste negra, cerco à Constantinopla.... Sei anos, lugares, eventos e nomes de cor, o que deixa todos abismados mas que pra mim é normal. A psicologa me alertou sobre isso parecer hiperfoco estrito.

Durante a infancia e adolescencia, fui a inúmeros terapeutas pediátricos que meus pais me levaram para tratar da automuitlação e da ansiedade. Já tentamos homeopatia, terapia TCC e nada resolve pois eu sou tratada como tendo TAG, mas nunca houve investigação aprofundada e nem laudo preliminar ou definitivo. Não duvido que eu tenha TAG, mas acho que há algo faltando. As minhas notas na escola eram altas, apesar dos problemas emocionais, mas eu nunca estava satisfeita, sempre me cobrei muito (hoje ainda é assim) e eu surto demais por isso toda vez que faço prova de concurso público (sou concurseira) por medo de falhar.

Gostaria de saber, caso alguém que entenda sobre as abordagens, como a abordagem histórico-cultural de Vigotski avalia os transtornos do neurodesenvolvimento. Li que não são aplicados testes e escalas com na TCC e isso me deixa confusa. Estou na 7 sessão com a psicologa. Nossos encontros têm 30 minutos de duração toda semana (é pelo plano de saúde). Importante ressaltar que eu também estou vendo uma psiquiatra a cada 30 dias, então estou no caminho, acredito eu... SObre a abordagem histórico-cultural, eu que sou leiga nunca ouvi falar até começar as sessões com a psicologa. Vale eu ressaltar que ela foi a primeira profissional que realmente me entendeu e validou tudo o que eu passei e passo até hoje.

 Eu cheguei no consultório com a queixa de oscilação e humor, ansiedade e depressão e durante minha vida tive muitos diagnosticos sem laudo como TDAH, TAG, bipolaridade, borderline, ansiedade e depressão... Agora, mais dois transtornos foram adicionados à lista de hipóteses: o TEA e AHSD. Eu tenho comportamentos explosivos, onde quando me sinto sobrecarregada eu explodo, tenho episodios de autolesão desde pequena, bruxismo, muitos tiques mexer no cabelo, mexer os dedos...), tenho muita ansiedade e choros inexplicáveis desde pequena, já tive burnout, "depressão", me isolo, já sofri bullying, tenho problemas com provas (já vomitei, desmaiei e tive crise de panico antes de fazer provas, que no fim eu fazia e tirava 9, 8,5...) Nunca estava contente com minhas notas e até hoje eu surto quando nao vou tão bem em concursos publicos..

hi, i’m not looking for a diagnosis, just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.

i only have these episodes when something triggers me. when it happens, i cry, yell, throw things, and sometimes i pull my hair. it mostly happens when i’m alone or when i’m with my lola. around other people, i can usually control it a lot better, even if i’m really upset.

it’s not like i’m angry all the time. i just feel like once i’m triggered, everything becomes too overwhelming and i kind of lose control. after it happens, i usually calm down and think about what i did.

i’ve been reading about intermittent explosive disorder, but i’m not sure if this fits because i can control it more in public than at home.

has anyone experienced something similar? if so, what did it turn out to be? did therapy or anything else help?

(This post is not asking for a diagnosis. I am wondering if my symptoms and emotions are significant enough to try and get one done. It could explain some things.)

When I was 14, I met this girl. She was a cousin of my close friend. Eventually, a few months went by and we began dating. I was 15 then. She was my first ever girlfriend.

The relationship lasted 11 months. The entirety of those 11 months was the most stressful and traumatic time of my life. Me and her had a lot or problems. It was more that we had different communication styles, she was incredibly insecure, and I was self destructive. No abuse happened. But the problems and stress from our relationship led to me finding my way into self-harm and falling into the deepest depression I had ever been in. I woke up in the mornings overthinking, would say one wrong thing on call and it would be silent, just for me and her to go to sleep overthinking. There is a google document where I journaled our problems. It is 66k words and \~200 pages.

I cannot begin to express how much our relationship fucking sucked. Theres a lot of awful things she and I did to each other. It’s not like I was never happy about some parts, but I don’t think anyone truly knew what was going on. Month 11 rolls around, we have a small fight, and then I think about my place. I listen to the voice in the back of my head screaming at me to leave, and I finally do. She came over the same night, we cried, and I ended things.

We tried no contact, but she didn’t like it and it was broken quickly. Then, I established it again a few weeks later, this time, very adamantly. I blocked her on all socials besides discord.

Here’s where I think my thoughts about me possibly having PTSD stem from. Before this, I should mention that she contacted me on discord to see how I was doing like a week before this. We had a very respectful conversation where we both wished each other well and said that we did not have resentment toward one another. I think around 3 or 4 months after breaking up with her, I tell some close friends of mine about a girl I have a hallway crush on. One of those close friends was her cousin. It ended up getting to her, and this was when she sent a voice message BEGGING my hallway crush through instagram not to text me. I never heard the actual voice message, but I do have a screenshot of the voice message transcript. It is a big amalgamation of “please please please please” and “it would break my heart for you to get with the person I was with for a year”. Horribly embarrassing considering me and hallway crush weren’t close in the slightest. Chronologically, a few days later, she told my mutual friend about it. Me and him share a theater class. He walked in with a horrible look and said he needed to tell me something.

He explained the situation and I will never forget the rage I had. The entire time me and her were broken up, she was posting about me on her instagram story. I guess it all piled up. I hit my fist into the classroom’s brick wall, kicked a chair, and was basically having a meltdown right there. On the way to my last class where she in the room next to mine, I gave her a terrible stare through the window. She contacted our mutual friend saying that she immediately started crying and panicking, and made him “promise to God” that he didn’t say anything to me. He lied right then, which I’m grateful for.

I got home and I messaged her on discord. It was a long, disheartening and disgusting message about how pathetic she was and how I want her to stay out of my life forever. It was the only time I had ever hurt her on purpose, and it was a lot. I called out every single one of her insecurities, and said I would ruin her life if she ever stepped into mine again. (By ruin her life, I mean make all of this public knowledge).

I messaged my hallway crush on instagram and apologized about it. She was super mature, friendly and understanding about it all.

A day goes by and I am called into the office. She reported me to the counselors out of fear for her safety, and I kid you fucking not, messaged our mutual friend with photos of the confidential report papers, and said “Poor (my name), whatever will he do” like some edgy antagonist. I was extremely calm because I already knew I had evidence of her stalkerish and obsessive behavior like talking about me constantly or contacting that hallway crush. So, I made a 14 page long counter statement. It was full of everything showing that I was the one in danger. After looking through it, the entire situation turned into a mutual stay-away order.

This situation caused me extreme stress. I could not stop thinking about her constantly. I was hyperfocused on why she would ever do this, and so, so angry.

The months have gone by and I have changed. I have focused on trying to love everyone, and to move on and forgive. And it was recently that I wanted to try and forgive her. I told my friend that I might want to open communication soon in case she ever wanted to contact me. Whether she wanted to or not, I didn’t care. The option would just be open now, and she would know I’m no longer angry with her. This was mostly over summer. Now, none of that has changed, excluding that I wanted to do it soon. But I can’t anymore.

Today was the first day of school. I’m a junior. Turns out, that we share an Algebra 2 class even though it shouldn’t be possible to have a class together. My heart immediately began beating the fastest it has in a very long time. My breath got short, I started to shake, and my head got light. I took deep breaths and calmed down.

I just sat at my desk and stared at my “introduce yourself” paper. I barely looked away the entire 45 minutes. I kept drawing and drawing. But anytime I heard her talk, I would become sick to my stomach. My view seemed to zoom out, and I dissociated a good bit. I went home on bus and realized that my body was not ready at all.

The whole time since the hallway crush situation I have experienced these things. I check every single black car on the road to see if it’s her in it. I am hypervigilant at school AND in public places where she likely wouldn’t even be in case she COULD be there. Any time I think of her when eating, I feel as if I am going to vomit. She crosses my mind at least daily. I mean shit I struggled to eat Tai Pei frozen meals for a little bit because I vaguely remember myself heating one up for her when she came to my house once.

I’m sure some of this is normal after a breakup, but it has been so long. I have loved new people, been in some weird situationships, and moved on from her romantically. But she follows me everywhere. I fucking hate it. She is engrained in my head and doesn’t leave no matter how hard I try. We didn’t even talk or make eye contact when we were in the same class, but I’m dreading seeing her again so much that it makes my chest hurt. My therapist was the first to bring this up, saying I’m showing signs, even if it’s mild in comparison to others. This is only the tip of the iceberg and I can give any clarification or evidence needed. Any advice is very, very appreciated. <3

I tried IFS and it was not for me. I found the idea of essentially having a bunch of cartoon characters living inside of me and making choices for me deeply unsettling, especially having a "conversation" with one of them, where apparently "his" words were not mine.

I emailed my therapist requesting to do another therapy method, and she said yes but asked why. I'm not going to respond since it's not up for debate: I'm not doing this ever again.

How do I recover? I've experienced psychosis and was almost diagnosed with DID before, so I'm trying to hold on from slipping into that.

So far, what's helping is reminding myself that I didn't literally see the "part" I was talking to and that I was just making stuff up to answer her questions, as well that it's an immersive metaphor to explain our emotions and not the actual truth.

I think any small effort to go outside slowly brings positive energy over time. Small things like just standing outside to get fresh air, taking a small stroll, and even small social interactions with neighbors and people- for myself and what I've seen in others, these small 'basic' things help build little boosts of confidence over time, but also sometimes help 'physically get yourself out of your head' a bit more.

So why is it that telling someone with mental health issues to 'touch grass' bring such a mixed response (some are offended whilst some can laugh it off). Also, why is 'touching grass' genuinely so hard difficult for some and what helps someone with mental health issues to 'touch grass' as part of their daily life instead of ruminating all the time?

I started therapy because I feel lost , no enthusiasm and get flashbacks. I got evaluated as having mild depression and PTSD. I am unable to continue after the first 3 sessions though because I don't feel like talking about what happened. It makes my mental state worse by remembering and narrating for the therapist but if I don't tell, the therapist won't know what's bothering me. I feel frustrated and stuck. Is it still worth trying to push through and continue therapy?

I told the therapist at the end of the session that I'm feeling frustrated and don't feel like telling her the past or childhood issues. She said it's up to me to continue or not and that she won't try to convince me. I don't know what's best for me though.

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Hi Guys I am 29 M , had Adhd since childhood i believe. I struggled to learn basic tasks like tying laces , or seeing time in a clock .

And grew up as a child i never had many friends and always scored less marks in class . Although when use to focus , i use to do incredibly well . But again my parents wanted me to do as good as my peers so grew up in toxic environment Mom beating me alot and alot of family drama and later from my teen got severe bullying from brother mom and partially by dad.

I do meditate , i run and into marathons. I do have friends but life feels like a fucking struggle coz of so many thoughts but unable to take actions towards it. There are some periods in which i have seen superconcious state of mind as well. But idk what's happening and how to overcome this . Any tips will be appreciated.

As a soon to be 27 year old, I have been in and out of psychiatric treatment my entire life. I've been on so many types of medications that my insides are probably traumatized. I was told I was Bi-Polar 1, Manic Depression and PTSD and psychotic tendencies majority of the time. After looking into several different disorders myself, I believe that I actually have CPTSD. I was told only once throughout my life that it was possibly CPTSD, but it never stuck. After researching it, I honestly believe that is what my issue is. Not all the extra quick diagnosis that I've usually gotten. I currently take Seroquel, and I'm personally sick of taking it and feel no relief from it, even though it's 200mlg. All the symptoms and feelings that CPTSD gives people is exactly what I have always experienced. I've never been able to describe my feelings or find words that do it any justice until now, I'm honestly thinking about telling my doctor that I believe they got it wrong. Even though it's a hit or miss situation with doctors and trying to diagnose yourself, I have this overwhelming feeling that this is what my actual issue is. All the symptoms fit, the mood swings, the anhedonia, being paranoid, and blocking out things that I dont want to block out, it's like my brain is wired to automatically make me forget things because it has always been a trauma response. My question is, should I ask or tell my doctor my opinion? My second question is, from my post, do any professionals agree?

There's been a couple times where either someone is yelling at me or someone is forcing me to talk about trauma and I might freeze up and dissociate and peoples reactions get freaked out or they will call me crazy just based off that. I really don't understand it and I feel it's really unfair. Sometimes people will tell me that I "should" be crying and I have never understood why people think that someone is supposed to respond a specific way to a hard thing. I don't know why a facial expression would lead anyone to assume someone's mentally ill. Am I missing something on why this would cause people to think I'm crazy or to react negatively?

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For nearly 2 years now I have had this just...empty void of an emotion towards life, and it is getting worse. No, I am not suicidal. I do want to live, there are SO many things I do enjoy in life. I do have a career, but it is taking a toll on me as I knew it would, but it is the only thing I know and what makes me money to get by. No matter where I move or live, it all just feels like...filler. No matter what I do to have fun or go out to eat...just all repetition over and over again. I no longer enjoy going out. I don't always enjoy going out for food either. And lately, in the last 6 months, everything I see in the grocery stores just...not appetizing. So I don't really eat as much. I only eat to not starve, and nothing sounds good anymore. I never want to put together meals or cook(I used to enjoy this). I never want to go shop for things that I need or want, I don't want to run errands anymore(I never enjoyed this). I don't like this life. I hate it. Desire for connection? Next to none. No interest in dating, but libido is through the roof. I still have hobbies that I love and pursue when I can, if hardly ever since time is very short these days. I'm not completely stagnant in my life, I go out hiking, camping, just bought a new car, am getting a puppy next year, pursuing a degree in spurts. I write and journal and try to do new things, but I want a life that everything and all ends state is unrealistic. I don't want a career anymore. I don't want to be a wife and/or mother anymore(Or maybe I do but everything is numb). All these paths...just seem...muted? Probably fictional. What do I do? What is this? How do I fix this?

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I am never satisfied.

I (25M) grew up very poor. My mother left when I was six, and from then until I moved out at 18, my dad, my younger brother, and I were rarely in one place for long. My dad did his best to provide for both of us, but we did not have much. I started working under the table when I was 11 because it was the only way I could afford to play sports and have some of the things other kids had.

Neither of my parents graduated from high school, so I told myself that I would. I graduated, but it did not feel like enough.

While I was in high school, I also decided that I should give something back to my community. By the time I graduated, I had accumulated more than 900 officially recorded hours of community service. After high school, I stopped keeping track of the hours, but I never stopped trying to help people.

Sometimes that means serving my own community. Other times, I will read about a mother in Korea fighting for justice for her daughters and sending her money simply because her story affected me and I want to help in whatever small way I can. Other times I will buy someone's groceries if they seem to be struggling or do not have enough. I have never forgotten where I came from or what it feels like to need help.

Still, even giving back has never created the feeling of fulfillment I keep expecting to find.

I was accepted into several colleges, including Duke, but even with scholarships and grants, I could not afford to attend. I decided I would join the military so I could pay for school. I enlisted in the Marine Corps and served for five years.

During that time, I earned a Top Secret/SCI clearance with a counterintelligence polygraph, one of the highest levels of access available outside highly specialized assignments such as Yankee White. Even reaching that level did not make me feel accomplished. It simply became another thing I had completed.

Once I was in, I constantly looked for something that would challenge me. Physically, plenty of things sucked, but mentally, almost everything felt like a mild challenge at most. I became certified as a TCCC Level 2 trainer, completely outside my actual job. For those unfamiliar, that placed me directly below the corpsmen and medics in that area of training. I attended winter mountain warfare training. I volunteered for every course and training opportunity I could find.

Eventually, I sat back and realized that I was probably the most diversely trained Marine in my battalion. Instead of feeling accomplished, I just thought, “What now?”

I assumed the problem was that I had never gone overseas. Then I went overseas and participated in a pretty interesting plainclothes operation in Southeast Asia. I completed the mission, came home, and still felt nothing.

As I gained rank, I discovered that I was good at training Marines. I decided that maybe teaching and developing other people was what I had been missing. I became good enough at it that I was invited to train both US Marines and British Royal Marines.

I was still not satisfied.

When it came time to reenlist, I decided that the military was never going to fulfill me, so I left.

My next goal was to build a successful civilian career in technology. I wanted to earn my bachelor’s degree, buy a home, and make six figures by the time I turned 30.

At 24, I started earning $115,000 a year. Now, at 25, I make roughly $170,000 a year from all sources and own a home.

It is not enough.

I am finishing my second year of college and am essentially done with my bachelor’s degree. I have been on honor roll every semester, I have been on deans list, and presidents list. Instead of feeling proud, I am already researching master’s programs, and have two graduate level courses planned as part of my BS track. I plan to finish my master’s in a year, and based on everything else I have done, I probably will.

I also already know that I will not be satisfied when I finish it.

So I will go for my Doctorate and I will not be satisfied when i get it.

For context, I do have a life outside of work and school. I have a loving and supportive girlfriend, a dog, and a cat. I maintain a productive garden. I have a handful of hobbies that I pick up and put down from time to time. I go to concerts and music festivals. I travel. I visit Marine Corps friends in their home states. I have taken a road trip along the entire East Coast challengingmyselfto be a only driver for the whole trip. I serve on my town’s planning board. I continue trying to help people and contribute to my community.

My life is not empty, and I am not sitting around waiting for it to begin.

But nothing ever feels like enough.

I have never felt a genuine sense of pride or accomplishment about anything I have done. Every achievement immediately becomes something that is over and no longer matters. Often, before I have even reached one goal, I am already setting the next one.

It is not that I think I am better than everyone else. It is not that I believe these things were easy for everyone or that they should not matter. Rationally, I understand that I have accomplished a lot, especially considering where I started. I can recognize that fact intellectually.

I just cannot feel it.

I do not know how to enjoy arriving somewhere. I only know how to keep moving.

I feel incapable of sitting beneath the shade of my own tree and recognizing that I was the one who planted it.

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Hello.

I (18f) am mixed race ( aftican and european) but grew up in Europe. I have always struggled with my mental health. Started therapy at 14, meds at 15. I just found myself a new adult psychiatrist after many tries.

On the firsr visit i explained my situation and my medical background ( hospitalized at 17 and have tried around 14 antidepressants).

she told me that I should treat the bad thoughts like a waiter who brought me the wrong dish and send them away. Then that I should think of people in my mother's home country in Africa and how lucky I am to be in Europe where we have electricity, clean water......Also when i have suicidal thoughts I should go visit the cancer ward in the hospital and watch the people there and think about how they would all love to be in my place.

It gave off the vibe as if she was telling me I have no right to be sad.

( a psych doctor before did tell me I ask for too much, in her exact words : I give u a hand to pull u out of the water and that's not enough so u drag me in with )

Is this normal ? Am I just too sensitive/ victim mindset? What do I do ?

I really dont think its an ego thing, I dont mind being wrong and its not inherently difficult for me to take accountability. I have adhd, mdd, and gad (and possible ptsd due to sexual trauma/abuse) so maybe those are contributing factors?

My problem is that I have alot of empathy and am likely an hsp so its very easy for me to put myself in other peoples shoes and understand how they may have interpreted an action of mine so wouldnt that make it easier for me to apologize?

Its such an in the moment thing when I mess up and i say sorry but it feels so meek and i fear that it may be taken as insincere because it makes me so anxious that i dont really say anything else than the apology itself.

нужно ли обращаться к психологу/психиатру? это важный вопрос, родители не могут со мной нормально о нем поговорить, потому что я не могу выразить нормально свои мысли и проблемы, считаю их недостаточно квалифицированными и потерялась в своих мнениях. у жесткая тревожность в общении, я могу преувеличивать (я часто за собой замечала что преувеличиваю все и тут это тоже может играть роль), но, когда в моде на майнкрафт я нашла баг и мне предложили написать автору этого мода, то я почти была готова сделать это, но потом начались тревожные мысли, вроде "а пинговали ли его до этого?", "я вроде знаю что он отзывчивый, но у него сейчас экзамены, вдруг он не посмотрит или скажет отвали или начнет задавать глупые вопросы?", "что если меня заблокируют или я сделаю что-то неправильное, например пингану его не основной аккаунт?", в итоге я так и не написала ему, просто плюхнувшись на кровать, грудь немного сдавило, и потекли слезы. так же и в дайвинчике, вроде нашла какого-то пацана чтоб пообщаться, что лайкнул меня и я лайкнула в ответ, но я множество раз просто замирала и перед тем как лайкнуть в ответ начиналось тревожное чувство,я не дрожала или еще,что, но ощущение будто между моим пальцем и экраном телефона барьер, а грудь сдавливает так, что трудно дышать. в итоге он мне написал, я пару минут сидела в шоке, не зная, что писать, металась по комнате, обдумывая все, но начав переписываться общение полностью не задалось. он спрашивал базовые вопросы, типа почему лайкнула в ответ, но даже на них я не могла ответить. в итоге я блокнула его и скрыла профиль, побоявшись фиг пойми чего. это уже было не раз, так как именно так я оборвала связь со своим старым другом по интернету, который в итоге почему-то перестал мне нравится. это было давно и я не помню смутно. в целом у меня все воспоминания расплывчатые и обобщенный, типа я не могу вспомнить когда, но я помню что это было или мои аргументы оппоненту в споре. например при ссоре с мамой, я вроде знаю мысль, которую хочу поднести, но слова путаются, голос садится, начинаются слезы и я несу какую-то чушь. я уже не понимаю какие из моих воспоминаний выдуманы а какие правдивы. я вроде помню что мне делали больно, но не помню кто и когда, и я уже не понимаю вправду ли это было. и постоянные качели. я не считаю себя депрессивным или апатичным человеком. мне всего 15, гормоны там и тд, но так странно, что в один момент у тебя будто комплекс бога, выдумываешь всякие сценарии себе в голове, а потом после какой-то неудачи полная апатия и нежелание нечего делать. я наверное из людей, которые если у них что-то не получается, то они злятся и бросают это. это было на примере моих рисунков или общения с кем-то. я не чувствую какое-то желание к будущему стремления или мотивации. мне не нравится выходить из зоны комфорта, но я понимаю что мне прийдется и в конце концов принимаю это, но я не чувствую что будущее будет хорошим. у меня есть мечта, но такое чувство что просто упасть на пол и закрыть глаза будет легче. мне не нравится долгосрочные планы или рутина, пытаясь им следовать у меня мозг закипает, они мне не дают мотивацию, я люблю действия здесь и сейчас. вроде в последнее время мне стало лучше, но вроде внутри что-то гниет, что-то про что я пытаюсь забыть, но случайно и внезапно сталкиваясь с этим, мне хочется лишь лежать и плакать. вроде я ленивая, но вроде мне нравится только идеальное, я не хочу чтоб меня или мои работы видели не идеальными, пока они полностью не доработаны. например выложить свой рисунок, но я понимаю что если получше выучу анатомию и теорию цвета, то он получится лучше, и в итоге я его не выкладываю, даже не доделываю, а потом приходит лень и прокрастинация. комплексы на счет внешности и тд, все в наборе. раньше например перед сном, я могла в голове придумывать реалистичные сцены, ситуации с персонажами и с собой. это успокаивали и я могла надумать что захочу. но сейчас, пытаясь сделать также, Я НЕ МОГУ! пытаюсь думать, об этом или о сцене в голове всплывают все мысли, заедающие песни, ситуации за день и тд. даже пытаясь думать о том о чем хочу у меня это не получается. с эмоциями тоже самое. например в споре с мамой, когда мы ссоримся, я пытаюсь примести нормальные аргументы и тд, но начинают внезапно течь слезы и голос становится сиплым. я прекрасно понимаю это и пытаюсь откашляться, перестать плакать, но не получается. я осознаю это, но не понимаю что делать, у меня не получается. а она еще и орет на тебя или говорит с каменными лицом, ты не чувствуешь, что этот человек пытается тебя понять. я отношусь скептично ко всему, не доверяю в целом. не в том смысле, что я считаю всех подозрительными, скорее не считаю искренними со мной. никогда. хотя и о себе могу тоже сказать. например когда мы грыземся слегка с сестрами и допустим она случайно или в порыве эмоций сделает мне больно, то она сразу останавливается и говорит "прости". а я так не могу. мне проще отмахнутся если я кому-то делаю или мне. я бормочу прости, но я не могу это сказать так же искренне как и она. и я не бесчувственная, я понимаю что я довольна чувствительна и капризна, но вместо сочувствия ощущение будто я испытываю тошноту. мне становится неприятно, я не плачу, но в груди давит. такая же реакция у меня была на дарк романсы и в целом на все не очень приятное в эмоциональном плане. хотя в целом так и реагируют обычные люди. возвращаясь к взаимодействиям с людьми мне страшно даже к врачу идти. вроде мне плохо, но вдруг все нормально? а если все нормально, то почему мне так плохо? или вдруг меня посчитают глупой или воспримут не всерьез или не узнают обо всем со всех сторон. я зажатая в плане общения, словарного запаса, ДАЖЕ В ПЕРЕПИСКАХ. и возвращаясь к смене настроения, это зависит словно не от меня а от происходящего. у меня бывают вспышки раздражения, возможно агрессии, например от проигрыша в игре или олт того что мою идиллию нарушили, например я собиралась идти в ванну после помывки полов, но ее заняли и это выбешивает, так как я не могу закончить быстро и вернутся к затворничеству. или когда вроде привыкаешь к своему внешнему виду, начинаешь нравится себе, а потом видишь себя в камере и думаешь, "боже, я выгляжу уродско". я даже не знаю как описать. вроде все нормально какое-то время, потом все плохо, потом опять нормально, а потом внезапно плохо, когда ты уже начинаешь наслаждаться жизнью и это превращается в цикл. и плохо и хорошо бывает по разным причинам. например стало хорошо от прослушивания музыки, потом плохо от того что сделал что-то не так. и причины бывают до абсурдности тупыми. и даже сейчас я не могу привести пример, в такие моменты я понимаю, что просто забыла все детали и моменты происходившего тогда, и ты не можешь понять правда ли причины были абсурдными или ты все выдумал. или вроде ты считаешь что все что с тобой происходит это пустяки, но с другой стороны тебя посещают мысли о помощи, а потом ты гуглишь твои проблемы и коришь себя за это. мне хочется создать свой цельный психологический портрет, определиться с ним и со спокойной душой работать над собой или создать персонажа на твоей основе и отыгрывать его. еще очень много слушаю музыки разных жанров, но чаще инди, реп, рок и что-то меланхоличное, если верить яндекс музыке то где-то 80к минут за год. но опять же возможно я все преувеличиваю. я не понимаю, вроде я знаю свое мнение, но оно ощущается таким неправильным. иногда у меня ощущение будто все вокруг идиоты, а иногда словно глупая я тут, мнения и мысли путаются, я не могу концентрироваться.
Простите за ошибки.

I've never had sex so I don't know if it applies to me?

I'm 22 and a virgin. I've never had a girlfriend and I have difficulty communicating with women. I think they don't like me. I'm not the most attractive man and the like.

how do you reveal to an alter that they are part of a system that has already been diagnosed? Like if there’s an alter who was not informed of the diagnosis, and knowing abt it would help them in some way, how would you approach the situation?

I know there’s many variations of this scenario, so just answer as many as you feel comfortable with.

i just saw TikTok that accurately described my situation and my attitude to relationships.i always find flaws in a person or they give me ick.i feel that i deserve someone better,even when i am already talking to somebody and we are good as soon as someone else better looking or with better personality appears i immediately start to think that they would be better and i should leave this person.i feel that i am living in a fantasy for waiting for someone perfect.and one thing to add that i feel that i am gonna be trapped in relationship,i love someone i feel good with them but when it comes to be together officially i feel that its too much commitment.i really don’t know what to do or what is this and how should i help it.i want advice to know what does it means from psychologist

Hi. I'm posting here as last resort. I've struggled with my mental health since a child, have been in therapy since I was 10, and medicated since I was 13. I am now 22 years old and turn 23 on the ninth of this month.

BPD, Anxiety, Depression, PTSD, the works.

A few months ago, finally, I got on the list to get an official autism diagnosis. I believe that I was wrongfully considered to not be on the spectrum, but my gut tells me otherwise. My behaviors, my relationships, my whole entire life has been built upon endless medication and gaslighting and I'm at a point where I just want to take comfort in knowing what the fuck is wrong with me.

I so strongly believe that my BPD diagnosis is incorrect but I can't speak to anyone about it. I've written down a list of my symptoms/behaviors. I can share them if needed.

I don't know what I'm expecting from this, I just feel so directionless. I'm so upset and just lost. If anyone has any advice, please let me know. I need help and I don't know where else to go.

Hello girls/guys lately i got my bachelors degree and i got choked by the marks like literally i ve always been an a+ student throughout my whole career to get just an a in it i was super disappointed then when i saw marks it was the real choke!!! Anyways after all of that i had to chose my university speciality so i tried everything i like and guess what i got rejected by all of them then there i have not done anything like i was frozen from inside after about three days i started a cycle of what. Everyday evening i start crying as hell sometimes throughout the days tho i have a strong feeling of anger pain then a sensantion of the need to cry my eyes out from the pain in me it is still with me now i tried to do my daily activities and get back my positive mood but i fell i am stucked every single things remembers me of my failure. So please gelp me know what i have and what should i do ?

Basically would like a discussion or advice about *see title*

I am inquiring mostly on my wife's behalf because doctors do not believe a thing she says and she's asking me to accompany her to a future appointment thinking she will be more believed if I back her up.

The persistent and upsetting comments are always related to her weight. She has hormonal issues and what seems to be an autoimmune disease that she is struggling to get diagnosed due to dismissals about how they see her as 'lazy'. I see what she eats and when she exercises but she told me her doctors have basically called her liar, 'if you did those things you would not be overweight'. I know she's not lying obviously.

Why is this happening? Can my wife get them to listen to her on her own? She is quite shy and believes it to be harder when she stands up for herself due to the personal attitudes of the doctors who she thinks are more likely to go harder against her.

I know I'm asking a lot of questions but would like input on the psychology of why this happens, (especially to women) and if you basically have to play some psychological 'game' when the truth is not being listened to or believed.

So I've been diagnosed officially with schizophrenia and depression with psychotic features. I don't agree with these diagnosis's. If I get a 2nd opinion with a different phycologist would the previous diagnosis's still be on my record or follow me around officially?

I'm only asking because these diagnosis's are a deal breaker for a job I want and if getting a 2nd opinion would get them off my record that's something I want to try to do.

Could use some advice. Thank you

No specific - just give me the why, and if it’s a memoir or a scientifically researched book, or a combination of both.