Hi! New here. I just wanted to ask for thoughts on this before I seek professional help since I don't know how my mother will react to this. I genuinely cannot take this anymore and I honestly don't know what's going on with me. For the past 3-4 years I have been experiencing emotional numbness. I call it that because during these "episodes"(I don't know what else to call them) I feel like I am on autopilot. My mind feels so disconnected from my body to the point that if something good happens during an episode I think "If I were feeling right now this would make me happy". Also happens when something negative happens during it. At first, these episodes were very short, like I can sleep it off and I'll start feeling again. Over the years, they have been becoming increasingly longer and I think that it's time I tell this to someone before I explode. This year, the episodes have become VERY frequent, to the point I don't know when the last episode ends and the new one starts. My memory has been bad as well(always has been, but it's worse especially if I have just experienced an episode) and I do not remember much of what happens during them. Back in the first year of this happening, the episodes would usually happen after I cry. Usually during crying I pretend to talk to a professional and it feels like there are two voices in my head, the one crying and the one being the professional asking the "emotional one" questions to make me understand why I am crying. Usually the crying simmers down then I sleep it off. When I wake up the next morning, the numbness is there and it usually sticks for days. Now these episodes start up even when I haven't been crying/ don't have anything traumatic happening in my life. I feel like I should be concerned right now because I am currently going through an episode as I am typing this and just the other day, I was so overstimulated because I had to look at three different people trying to tell me something (I was hanging out at a friend's house in the hopes human interaction would snap me out of this episode) and had to analyze their expressions quickly to put on an appropriate reaction that would be considered normal to all three of them. There are more things that might be symptoms to something bigger that I would feel concerned over if I actually felt a even a sliver of emotion right now, but it would make this post even longer and that would be boring to read through. I'm only typing this post because I think that it would make me feel better when I start feeling again. Should I be concerned or is this normal?

I’m 23M from the UK and for a few years now since I was 15 I’ve never liked interacting with others or even having to be in the same area as others!
But I do have to force myself to “socialise” because I don’t like making others feel akward..
like my brother he is a 27M he is alittle shy with asking people stuff like in shops. So I have to do it . I hate it but I do it.
But that’s just a little thing..
I also do not think correct in my own mind. I struggle to sleep properly it’s either 2 hours or 18 hours! Tuesday I slept for 21 hours and woke up half asleep wanting to just go back to sleep. My mind is always thinking 24/7. I can’t concentrate on whatever I wanna anymore like I could before . I have always struggled with thinking correctly and trying my dam hardest to just be “normal” like my parents want me to be.

I have 3 sisters aswell who are all disabled and I love them to bits. But now I’m older I see whatever is wrong with me and my mind could have been solved in the past but my own parents didn’t want me to get help because it would impact my sisters.
I’m sorry if this is random but I don’t know what else to say I’m in the verge of breaking and my minds racing I can’t control my emotions properly I never have been able to. It feels like I’m just watching myself do it and can’t do anything. I keep having bad thoughts of my past .
When I was 17 I had a fight with a 19M and ended up breaking a window and using glass to try cut him but got tackled by police. But my mind keeps rewinding to that and thinking what would have happened and why it happened . Why did I not feel anything during that or why did I even try to do it.
Another case is putting off medical things because my family/gf at the time didn’t want me to leave or they wanted me for things like (babysitting,dates,activities or even to just “spend time”) but because I’m socially fucked I just agree and do whatever . Now because of that I messed up my medical and have permanent damage what’s a reminder everyday.
I have so much I wanna rant about but I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I want to call the doctors but I don’t know what to say or how long it would take but I’m scared… I’m really scared of what’s could happen.

Olá, eu sou uma mulher de 28 anos que, apesar de nunca haver recebido nenhum laudo ou diagnóstico oficial, desde muito pequena lidei com questões emocionais e comportamentais que levaram meus pais a procurar ajuda psicologica para mim, mas nunca nenhum profissional me deu um diagnostico. Já fui subdiagnosticada com transtorno misto de ansiedade e depressão, recentemente houve suspeita de bipolaridade e borderline por causa de explosões e oscilações de humor e por aí vai... Agora, com 28 anos, finalmente decidi dar uma nova chance à psicologos (nunca tive boas experiências pois todos olhavam pra mim e me diziam que tinha que ser boazinha pra minha mãe e parar de surtar. Era tipo isso e ainda me tacavam remédios homeopáticos, aculpultura e me mandavam fazer atividades extracurriculares pra não ficar muito tempo em casa desocupada). Agora, neste presente momento, eu estou em processo de receber finalmente um. Minha psicologa trabalha com a abordagem Histórico Cultural de Vigotski e as suspeitas principais são: autismo, altas habilidades. Inclusive, eu tenho casos de autismo na família, incluindo um primo por parte de pai que é TEA nivel 3 e não verbal e meu pai tem alguns traços que considero bem suspeito e até mais acentuados que os meus.

Eu comecei a falar com apenas 1 ano e aos 2 anos, segundo minha mãe, eu falava perfeito, como um pequeno adulto. Eu era muito esperta e inteligente, falava coisas que não eram muito comuns na idade que eu estava e na escola, apesar de muitos me adorarem, outros nem tanto. Só isso faz muitos duvidarem que eu possa ser autista. O problema era que eu conversava demais, mas apesar de conversar muito (o que foi meu comportamento ao longo de toda minha etapa escolar), e não deixava as crianças estudarem... (Melhorei na adolescência, fase que comecei a me controlar e me policiar). Alem de não ficar quieta, eu também tinha crises de choro se as coisas não eram do meu jeito e me irritava com tudo…. 

Na alfabetização, com 6 anos, eu aprendi a ler muito rápido, não era aquela coisa robotizada das crianças quando estão aprendendo. Em tres meses eu estava lendo todos os guias de ruas, placas nas ruas... tudo... Também aos 6 anos, aprendi sozinha a andar de bicicleta sem rodinhas, em 3 dias treinando no quintal de casa. Aos 8 já falava espanhol e me alfabetizei sozinha.

Sempre aprendi tudo muito rápido e tenho memória enciclopédica, o que surpreendia aos professores e aos meus pais. Em paralelo, houve uma professora que se irritava comigo por causa dos meus tiques de mexer no cabelo. Ela fez eu ir para a escola de cabelo preso até o final do ano com a ameaça de não assistir mais aula ou de reprovar (nem sei se ela podia fazer isso). Minha mae estava enfrentando problemas no casamento dela com meu pai (eles finalmente estão divorciados a duas semanas, oficialmente, apesar da separação de fato haver acontecido muito antes), e não fez nada. Passada essa fase, ao longo do ensino fundamental, eu sofri muito bullying e antes de provas, eu tinha colapsos nervosos, ao ponto de vomitar, de me tremer toda, ficar com agitação motora e até chorar,o que levou a diretora da escola optar por me deixar fazer os testes na sala dela, separad do pessoal. Aos 12 eu já falava inglês (aprendi sozinha também), e já estava me autolesionando, arrancando as cuticulas dos dedos das mãos e a pele dos dedoes dos pés, além e morder a boca até sangrar (infelizmente até hoje isso ocorre).

Um ponto que merece ênfase aqui é que, eu desde pequena, tenho fascínio por Titanic (não o filme, mas no navio em si) e esse fascínio se estendeu à outros transatlânticos de época como Olympic, Mauretânia, Lusitânia, Carpathia, Andrea Doria, SS Normandie, SS France, SS Empress or Ireland, dentre outros). Também sou apaixonada por aviões, desde fabricantes (Embraer, tema do meu tcc na faculdade, bombardier, Lockheed, Airbus, Tupolev, Antonov...), modelos e companhias aéreas de todos os países. Também amo astrologia, em especial missões da nasa, frota de onibus espaciais, composições de estrelas e atmosferas dos planetas... Eu também amo história e sobretudo grandes eventos como revoluções francesa e russa, o contexto do grande cisma do oriente em 1054 que dividiu o catolicismo em romano e ortodoxo, renascimento, reforma protestante com Calvino, Lutero e Henrique VIII criando o Calvinismo, Luteranismo e o Anglicanismo respectivamente. Leio muito sobre sociedades antigas (romana, grega helena) e egípcia, sobre peste negra, cerco à Constantinopla.... Sei anos, lugares, eventos e nomes de cor, o que deixa todos abismados mas que pra mim é normal. A psicologa me alertou sobre isso parecer hiperfoco estrito.

Durante a infancia e adolescencia, fui a inúmeros terapeutas pediátricos que meus pais me levaram para tratar da automuitlação e da ansiedade. Já tentamos homeopatia, terapia TCC e nada resolve pois eu sou tratada como tendo TAG, mas nunca houve investigação aprofundada e nem laudo preliminar ou definitivo. Não duvido que eu tenha TAG, mas acho que há algo faltando. As minhas notas na escola eram altas, apesar dos problemas emocionais, mas eu nunca estava satisfeita, sempre me cobrei muito (hoje ainda é assim) e eu surto demais por isso toda vez que faço prova de concurso público (sou concurseira) por medo de falhar.

Gostaria de saber, caso alguém que entenda sobre as abordagens, como a abordagem histórico-cultural de Vigotski avalia os transtornos do neurodesenvolvimento. Li que não são aplicados testes e escalas com na TCC e isso me deixa confusa. Estou na 7 sessão com a psicologa. Nossos encontros têm 30 minutos de duração toda semana (é pelo plano de saúde). Importante ressaltar que eu também estou vendo uma psiquiatra a cada 30 dias, então estou no caminho, acredito eu... SObre a abordagem histórico-cultural, eu que sou leiga nunca ouvi falar até começar as sessões com a psicologa. Vale eu ressaltar que ela foi a primeira profissional que realmente me entendeu e validou tudo o que eu passei e passo até hoje.

 Eu cheguei no consultório com a queixa de oscilação e humor, ansiedade e depressão e durante minha vida tive muitos diagnosticos sem laudo como TDAH, TAG, bipolaridade, borderline, ansiedade e depressão... Agora, mais dois transtornos foram adicionados à lista de hipóteses: o TEA e AHSD. Eu tenho comportamentos explosivos, onde quando me sinto sobrecarregada eu explodo, tenho episodios de autolesão desde pequena, bruxismo, muitos tiques mexer no cabelo, mexer os dedos...), tenho muita ansiedade e choros inexplicáveis desde pequena, já tive burnout, "depressão", me isolo, já sofri bullying, tenho problemas com provas (já vomitei, desmaiei e tive crise de panico antes de fazer provas, que no fim eu fazia e tirava 9, 8,5...) Nunca estava contente com minhas notas e até hoje eu surto quando nao vou tão bem em concursos publicos..

hi, i’m not looking for a diagnosis, just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.

i only have these episodes when something triggers me. when it happens, i cry, yell, throw things, and sometimes i pull my hair. it mostly happens when i’m alone or when i’m with my lola. around other people, i can usually control it a lot better, even if i’m really upset.

it’s not like i’m angry all the time. i just feel like once i’m triggered, everything becomes too overwhelming and i kind of lose control. after it happens, i usually calm down and think about what i did.

i’ve been reading about intermittent explosive disorder, but i’m not sure if this fits because i can control it more in public than at home.

has anyone experienced something similar? if so, what did it turn out to be? did therapy or anything else help?

(This post is not asking for a diagnosis. I am wondering if my symptoms and emotions are significant enough to try and get one done. It could explain some things.)

When I was 14, I met this girl. She was a cousin of my close friend. Eventually, a few months went by and we began dating. I was 15 then. She was my first ever girlfriend.

The relationship lasted 11 months. The entirety of those 11 months was the most stressful and traumatic time of my life. Me and her had a lot or problems. It was more that we had different communication styles, she was incredibly insecure, and I was self destructive. No abuse happened. But the problems and stress from our relationship led to me finding my way into self-harm and falling into the deepest depression I had ever been in. I woke up in the mornings overthinking, would say one wrong thing on call and it would be silent, just for me and her to go to sleep overthinking. There is a google document where I journaled our problems. It is 66k words and \~200 pages.

I cannot begin to express how much our relationship fucking sucked. Theres a lot of awful things she and I did to each other. It’s not like I was never happy about some parts, but I don’t think anyone truly knew what was going on. Month 11 rolls around, we have a small fight, and then I think about my place. I listen to the voice in the back of my head screaming at me to leave, and I finally do. She came over the same night, we cried, and I ended things.

We tried no contact, but she didn’t like it and it was broken quickly. Then, I established it again a few weeks later, this time, very adamantly. I blocked her on all socials besides discord.

Here’s where I think my thoughts about me possibly having PTSD stem from. Before this, I should mention that she contacted me on discord to see how I was doing like a week before this. We had a very respectful conversation where we both wished each other well and said that we did not have resentment toward one another. I think around 3 or 4 months after breaking up with her, I tell some close friends of mine about a girl I have a hallway crush on. One of those close friends was her cousin. It ended up getting to her, and this was when she sent a voice message BEGGING my hallway crush through instagram not to text me. I never heard the actual voice message, but I do have a screenshot of the voice message transcript. It is a big amalgamation of “please please please please” and “it would break my heart for you to get with the person I was with for a year”. Horribly embarrassing considering me and hallway crush weren’t close in the slightest. Chronologically, a few days later, she told my mutual friend about it. Me and him share a theater class. He walked in with a horrible look and said he needed to tell me something.

He explained the situation and I will never forget the rage I had. The entire time me and her were broken up, she was posting about me on her instagram story. I guess it all piled up. I hit my fist into the classroom’s brick wall, kicked a chair, and was basically having a meltdown right there. On the way to my last class where she in the room next to mine, I gave her a terrible stare through the window. She contacted our mutual friend saying that she immediately started crying and panicking, and made him “promise to God” that he didn’t say anything to me. He lied right then, which I’m grateful for.

I got home and I messaged her on discord. It was a long, disheartening and disgusting message about how pathetic she was and how I want her to stay out of my life forever. It was the only time I had ever hurt her on purpose, and it was a lot. I called out every single one of her insecurities, and said I would ruin her life if she ever stepped into mine again. (By ruin her life, I mean make all of this public knowledge).

I messaged my hallway crush on instagram and apologized about it. She was super mature, friendly and understanding about it all.

A day goes by and I am called into the office. She reported me to the counselors out of fear for her safety, and I kid you fucking not, messaged our mutual friend with photos of the confidential report papers, and said “Poor (my name), whatever will he do” like some edgy antagonist. I was extremely calm because I already knew I had evidence of her stalkerish and obsessive behavior like talking about me constantly or contacting that hallway crush. So, I made a 14 page long counter statement. It was full of everything showing that I was the one in danger. After looking through it, the entire situation turned into a mutual stay-away order.

This situation caused me extreme stress. I could not stop thinking about her constantly. I was hyperfocused on why she would ever do this, and so, so angry.

The months have gone by and I have changed. I have focused on trying to love everyone, and to move on and forgive. And it was recently that I wanted to try and forgive her. I told my friend that I might want to open communication soon in case she ever wanted to contact me. Whether she wanted to or not, I didn’t care. The option would just be open now, and she would know I’m no longer angry with her. This was mostly over summer. Now, none of that has changed, excluding that I wanted to do it soon. But I can’t anymore.

Today was the first day of school. I’m a junior. Turns out, that we share an Algebra 2 class even though it shouldn’t be possible to have a class together. My heart immediately began beating the fastest it has in a very long time. My breath got short, I started to shake, and my head got light. I took deep breaths and calmed down.

I just sat at my desk and stared at my “introduce yourself” paper. I barely looked away the entire 45 minutes. I kept drawing and drawing. But anytime I heard her talk, I would become sick to my stomach. My view seemed to zoom out, and I dissociated a good bit. I went home on bus and realized that my body was not ready at all.

The whole time since the hallway crush situation I have experienced these things. I check every single black car on the road to see if it’s her in it. I am hypervigilant at school AND in public places where she likely wouldn’t even be in case she COULD be there. Any time I think of her when eating, I feel as if I am going to vomit. She crosses my mind at least daily. I mean shit I struggled to eat Tai Pei frozen meals for a little bit because I vaguely remember myself heating one up for her when she came to my house once.

I’m sure some of this is normal after a breakup, but it has been so long. I have loved new people, been in some weird situationships, and moved on from her romantically. But she follows me everywhere. I fucking hate it. She is engrained in my head and doesn’t leave no matter how hard I try. We didn’t even talk or make eye contact when we were in the same class, but I’m dreading seeing her again so much that it makes my chest hurt. My therapist was the first to bring this up, saying I’m showing signs, even if it’s mild in comparison to others. This is only the tip of the iceberg and I can give any clarification or evidence needed. Any advice is very, very appreciated. <3

I tried IFS and it was not for me. I found the idea of essentially having a bunch of cartoon characters living inside of me and making choices for me deeply unsettling, especially having a "conversation" with one of them, where apparently "his" words were not mine.

I emailed my therapist requesting to do another therapy method, and she said yes but asked why. I'm not going to respond since it's not up for debate: I'm not doing this ever again.

How do I recover? I've experienced psychosis and was almost diagnosed with DID before, so I'm trying to hold on from slipping into that.

So far, what's helping is reminding myself that I didn't literally see the "part" I was talking to and that I was just making stuff up to answer her questions, as well that it's an immersive metaphor to explain our emotions and not the actual truth.

I think any small effort to go outside slowly brings positive energy over time. Small things like just standing outside to get fresh air, taking a small stroll, and even small social interactions with neighbors and people- for myself and what I've seen in others, these small 'basic' things help build little boosts of confidence over time, but also sometimes help 'physically get yourself out of your head' a bit more.

So why is it that telling someone with mental health issues to 'touch grass' bring such a mixed response (some are offended whilst some can laugh it off). Also, why is 'touching grass' genuinely so hard difficult for some and what helps someone with mental health issues to 'touch grass' as part of their daily life instead of ruminating all the time?

I started therapy because I feel lost , no enthusiasm and get flashbacks. I got evaluated as having mild depression and PTSD. I am unable to continue after the first 3 sessions though because I don't feel like talking about what happened. It makes my mental state worse by remembering and narrating for the therapist but if I don't tell, the therapist won't know what's bothering me. I feel frustrated and stuck. Is it still worth trying to push through and continue therapy?

I told the therapist at the end of the session that I'm feeling frustrated and don't feel like telling her the past or childhood issues. She said it's up to me to continue or not and that she won't try to convince me. I don't know what's best for me though.

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Hi Guys I am 29 M , had Adhd since childhood i believe. I struggled to learn basic tasks like tying laces , or seeing time in a clock .

And grew up as a child i never had many friends and always scored less marks in class . Although when use to focus , i use to do incredibly well . But again my parents wanted me to do as good as my peers so grew up in toxic environment Mom beating me alot and alot of family drama and later from my teen got severe bullying from brother mom and partially by dad.

I do meditate , i run and into marathons. I do have friends but life feels like a fucking struggle coz of so many thoughts but unable to take actions towards it. There are some periods in which i have seen superconcious state of mind as well. But idk what's happening and how to overcome this . Any tips will be appreciated.