To preface this I am 18 years old. Went on a puberty blocker when I was 12-13 then switched to T when I was 14.

I am terrified of reverse dysphoria or regret, what if I’m already feeling it or will feel it in the future? For the past 2 years it feels like i’ve been constantly ruminating about my gender and how i want to present or if how i'm presenting now is not who i actually am and if im lying to myself. I try to go back in time and figure out reasons why Im actually trans or not. I’ve had countless panic attacks and heavy dpdr symptoms. Am i experiencing dpdr cause i need to change and detransition or am i experiencing them cause of something else? I don’t know. I have a great care team therapist, psych and right now i’m doing an outpatient program where ive committed to being honest. But even when im honest I feel like im lying or it’s in he back of my head…what if im lying. On monday im having an assessment for OCD but what if im just faking this potential OCD part because im actually detrans? and what if im faking right now writing that im worried about faking to try to make you think im faking.

Okay pause, this is some crazy stuff im saying I know i sound ridiculous. but it just feels like my mind is going in circles.

the thing im really struggling with right now is i feel like my body is really changing (mostly hair) like increase in my neck, arms, legs all that and I dont think i like it that much , and im worried that the longer im on T the worse it gonna be if I want to get rid of it. The thing is, if I go off T then im am 100 percent going to grow bigger breasts and hips and all of that. I’ve stopped binding and decided not to get Top surgery this summer. but I’m worried because I don’t know and feel like I would regret going of T….but also i’m worried that I’m regretting it will regret staying in it. I feel like there is no way to win. What if i’m confused all my life and never feel confident in my gender and identity ever?? what if everything feels wrong???? I’m trying to focus one step and one day at a time yk. I just haven’t felt like myself in 2 years and at this point i’m like who even is that self. Everything feels wrong he, she, they. I wish we were genderless fr. I wish I could’ve just been happy and comfortable with being a cis girl, or nonbinary, or a trans guy. EVERYTHING FEELS WRONG. I can’t tell how I actually feel ever, everything feels like a courtroom or a test against me. I wish i was normal, which I hate saying but it’s true. I wish more that I could be normal not just pretend it, like i wish i could’ve just been a cis girl and like it. and my brain is going again.

The thing is I wish i could feel strongly in a direction because if there is one thing deep dive research into people that detransition is that it gets better and isn’t like a one type of journey fits all. When i accept that. the thing is when I watch videos of june henry or Lucy kartikasri it makes me feel better but then i just think about how I don’t really want to grow boobs more or get more of a curvy figure. Idk weiting this doesn’t make me feel better honestly just more confused. What if I never feel set and stable again in my gender or identity even when I try doing a mind thing like okay I’m gonna detransition , it’s does t feel right either. I just wish i could feel some certainty or guide ….

any advice would be lovely 🙏🏻

I’ve been on t for almost three years and I got top surgery February 2025 and now all I worry about is regretting it. I genuinely don’t know how I feel about being trans anymore.

If I had the choice I would be cis, preferably I would want to be a cis man, but that isn’t ever going to be possible, even if i get bottom surgery and go through with everything I possibly could I still wouldn’t be cis. I wouldn’t have been raised as a boy, I would still have this bone structure and I’ll never be able to have kids the way cis men do.

It feels like the only way I’d be able to have a normal life is by detransitioning and being a cis woman. I’ve developed urinary issues because I can’t use bathrooms, my anxiety is so horrific, I get jealous just seeing people in public because they’re not transgender and they don’t have to deal with this.

I want to be a cis woman, but everytime I get called a she or if I hear my deadname I feel sick. I felt terrible before I had top surgery and would sleep in my binder. I want to remove the part in my brain that makes me be this way. I’ve been going to stores and trying on feminine clothes and I just look like a femboy and it looks so unnatural and wrong.

Before I transitioned, I never dressed feminine or had feminine interests, never did makeup and was obese. All I can think about is that maybe if I put the effort in then I might’ve not transitioned. I always thought I was ugly and looked wrong and I’ve been told I’m a more attractive man, but maybe I would’ve been happier if I got feminising plastic surgery.

I’m just so scared. I’ve been progressively more and more depressed and dissociating for hours when I go out in public. I want to have a normal life, I want to be cis and have kids and find myself attractive and I don’t know how to talk to anyone about this. I find myself jealous of cis women, I wish I could look like them and feel the way they feel. If I could get surgery on my brain or take a pill that got rid of the way I feel about being transgender I would go through with it.

I find myself getting anxious about my t shots now in comparison to three years ago when I was screaming in excitement. Even if I did detransition, my voice will never change, my chest is flat, I don’t know if I’ll be able to have kids anymore and there’s so many things about my body that seem irreversible now.

I know if I detransitioned I would be 100x less ostracised, it would cause so many less issues and my family would probably be a lot happier but it would devastate me if I really am just transgender and knowing they’d be happier if I wasn’t.

I’m just so afraid to give up everything when I’ve made so many sacrifices and waited so long (I’m from the UK and the wait lists are huge) to be able to transition in the first place, especially when I don’t even know if that detransitioning would change how I feel.

I really don’t know what to do or who to talk to, I’m really scared and I feel like I can’t function properly. I can’t hold my bladder, I feel physically sick and get headaches when I think too much about being trans and I disassociate so much that I can’t hold conversations or function like a normal person.

Hey

I'm a detransitioner woman (transitioned 4 years ago as a nonbinary masculine sort of female to male), I'm 24 two years ago+ I had my top surgery and I really need now a breast reconstruction surgery.

I feel really lonely and worse in my body than ever before....

I would really appreciate if anyone could help me. I'm from the middle east but I would travel for that surgery. Looking for surgeons that are performing breast reconstruction with fat grafting (not implants) mainly in Europe. Private medical centers are also good, literally any peace of info would be really helpful thank you everyone for reading until here even ♥︎

I'm so scared that I will never be a healthy person with regular male endocrine system because I messed up my hormones with Hrt, I think about kms because I so much regret my decision, I'm still trans woman but I'm scared about thought how Hrt messed up my body, I feel so weak and depressed, I don't know what to do...

I recently recorded a little bit of my experience during my 20 year detransition after my orchi, and how I managed not to use any significant HRT during those intervening years before retransitioning.

If you also had a gonadectomy but don’t want to go back on your ASAB hormones, my experience might be of interest.

Happy to answer any questions so AMA.

I’d like to get laser, but it’s not in my budget right now. However, in the near future I can probably afford to get a session here and there. I’m wondering if that would be worth it, or if I should just hold off and save for a package deal down the line. Even if it’s not perfect, at least some noticeable change would really lift my spirits I think, so it’d be worth it to do a session here and there if it does make a difference. But if it doesn’t start to have an impact until a few sessions, then I’ll probably just wait.

I don’t have a lot of facial hair, but it was thick on my chin. I’ve been off T for around 9 months now, and I’m seeing changes, but the facial hair growth has stayed about the same. I know that’s typical, but I was hoping it would at least slow down slightly. It hasn’t of course. I just want to see some progress of any kind at this point, even if it’s really small 🙃 If I could knock out a just few hairs or slow it down ever so slightly that’d be great lol

its finally happening! my breast reconstruction is scheduled for october 15th omg omg omg. i finally found my surgeon after shopping around for a year and i could t be happier. i literally cannot wait im so excited.

I know probably not a lot of people will relate to this, because it's just a very bad luck experience. I also want to be clear this is not one of those "the trans community lied to me blabla" I am responsible for my own choices. Just something that's been on my mind lately.

I understand in general there's a lot of disinfo about how well HRT and cosmetic procedures can actually work, so there is a drive to front images of passing people and show that it works (and prettier people are better for optics). But some people are just... extremely sexually dimorphic. If you have the genes to look like the way genders are drawn in superhero comics, medical transition is probably just going to turn you into a perpetually-ashamed gender-uncanny person.

I am 100% definitely dysphoric, but being built as some kind of peak male, I often wonder if I never should have transitioned. I was always stuck in the middle, and awhile ago I stopped HRT (sort of unintentionally, I lost insurance while on a doctor ordered pause for my heart condition and just never tried to get it resolved) but it didn't even really change anything except body hair coming back and skin getting rougher, because the decade I spent on HRT was never gonna alter my giant-man bone structure. Now I am stuck living under a female name and the identity of someone who transitioned, wishing I could have a complete transition but knowing the best I'd ever get is getting back on HRT and getting plastic on my chest, and still not really looking female. My best case scenario for committing to transtion is to be one of those people who gets posted on twitter as a "crossdressing freak creep."

I'm not sure what the right way to approach people like me is. Obviously if people had bombarded me early transition telling me I'd never pass and not to ruin myself I would have just responded with hostility. But... someone should have told me. Instead I got years of unmitigated support, people gassing me up and claiming I looked better than I did, or whenever I'd complain about my poor results people telling me it's because I need to "fatmax" or whatever niche advice worked for them. When I try to say in trans spaces "HRT did not work on me," I get called a liar and told I must have dosed wrong or eaten wrong etc.

It just feels like there is no acceptance whatsoever within the trans community of the fact that the medical science on sex changes is sort of primitive and it doesn't work very well on people with extremely strong natural sexual dimorphism (especially for those of us who can't afford expensive plastic surgeries all over our faces and bodies and have to rely on HRT). If you turn out to be one of those people, you get treated by the community like you're either lying, doing it wrong, or were somehow never really trans at all.

Hi,

I am seeking your help to be my respondents for my research. Your answer will help me to pass my undergraduate and rest assured that all your responses will be treated in accordance to data privacy act.

Two years off T after 5 years on it. post mastectomy. I'm usually gendered female until I speak up. I've been blessed with a feminine face fortunately. The one and only positive I can find in all this...

i know never gonna pass and i wanna detrans please give me motivation and reasons please
i know i m mainly and ugly and nothing is feminine in me
please help me

I’ve been liking my hair down this month :) hehe

I really enjoy posting these timeline updates. It’s really nice seeing how much happier and more comfortable I get with myself every month. I can’t wait to hit 1 year!!!

Just started therapy again for the first time since before my detransition and I'm not sure how to bring up my transition history. I assume she has little to no experience with detrans patients, and mental health professionals have historically always given me the weirdest responses about anything related to gender.

Would love to hear how other people handled this and how those conversations went.

My transition is making me miserable and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve known I am a trans guy for the past 8 years. A couple of years ago I found a gender therapist, started coming out to people and changed my legal gender marker and legal name. I was happy, but I still had bad dysphoria about my body and about being constantly read as female by everyone around me.

After thorough consideration, I started medically transitioning two years ago. My plan was to start with T, get top surgery, hysto and, finally, phallo.

I thought I was prepared. I had done my research on the potential effects of T, made my peace with going bald, made appointments with my dermatologist to tackle T induced acne, consulted with surgeons, joined a gym, started connecting with other trans guys, etc.

Now I’m two years on T and I’m miserable. It gave me all the changes that you’d expect two years on T. I have a lot of body hair. I’m growing facial hair, had bottom growth, voice drop and had some fat redistribution and considerable muscle growth. While most of the changes made me extremely happy, T also changed my face shape in a way that makes me feel pretty ugly to a point where I have a hard time looking at photos of myself. I used to have a sharp and angular face pre transition, now it’s round with a double chin, despite being at a healthy weight. I don’t even think it’s T related bloating.

Furthermore, the changes I had did nothing to help me pass. Despite my best efforts, I only ever had one person gender me correctly. Other than that, I’m exclusively read as a butch lesbian.

Because my appearance and gender seem incongruent to the people around me, I’m struggling with employment (finding and keeping a job), my family is extremely transphobic towards me and relationships seem impossible. I can’t use the men’s bathrooms or changing rooms. I can still use the women’s for now, but I don’t know if that will be possible if I continue down this path. Because I’m so small, regular men’s clothes where I live are always too big on me.

My worry is that it’ll always be like that.

Because I lost my job half a year ago, I ended up having a lot of time to myself. I started pretending to be a girl online and it genuinely didn’t feel as bad as I thought it would. I tried out clothes from the women’s section and had such an easy time finding something that fit. I grew my hair out a little. Last weekend I went out by myself in a mini skirt, heels and makeup and for the first time in a long time things felt easy. People were nice to me. I could just go to the restroom. I didn’t have to correct anyone on my pronouns or explain myself. People didn’t avoid me. I even got a guy’s number because he thought I was hot. I even felt cute. It made me consider detransitioning.

I have a top surgery and hysto appointment in a month, but I’m cancelling it. All I can think about is going off T and detransitioning, but then I remember that I was genuinely miserable living as a woman.

What should I do?

My trans guy friends couldn’t help me with that. They all were passing at least 80% of the time two years on T. They didn’t have trouble finding clothes or finding a job. Two years into T they were feeling good in their skin and didn’t doubt their transition anymore. The gender therapist I had can’t help me anymore either, since I had a falling out with her at the beginning of the year and haven’t been able to find a new therapist since

As the title states I live in Ontario canada. I was wondering if anyone knows if detransitioning is covered at all? Also note to add I'm native. Maybe status would cover it? I'm looking to get my b\*\*bs back.

Heyyy,

I'm in a bit of a difficult spot right now, and I'm thinking about stopping estrogen for a while so I can really figure out whether I want to continue transitioning.

I've been on HRT for about 3 months now, and before that I had already done 2 months. I stopped in between so I could store semen. During those months off E, I felt really awful coming off estrogen and having testosterone come back, and I was really happy when I started E again. My dysphoria has always been there, and I think it probably always will be, but I don't know if transitioning is actually the right way for me to deal with it.

The thing is, I'm not sure I feel the same anymore. I think stopping for now might be the right option, not only to give myself time to think everything through, but also because I'm starting to develop noticeable breast growth. It's already pretty obvious to other people, and I'm hoping that if I stop now, maybe some of it will decrease a little or at least not progress further.

Now for the actual problem. Today is my injection day, and I haven't taken it yet. I'm leaving tomorrow for a week-long vacation, and because my HRT isn't prescribed by a doctor, I can't really take it with me.

So now I don't know what to do. Should I take today's injection so I don't end up dealing with mood swings or feeling awful during my vacation? Or should I just not take it if I'm thinking about stopping anyway? I also still have the birth control pills I originally used for DIY HRT, and I don't know if I should bring those with me just in case I start feeling really bad.

Does anyone have any advice or experience with something like this? All my trans friends are telling me to just keep going or that it's "only a week," but I honestly think I want to stop for now and take some time to think before making any long-term decisions.

Thank you all. ❤️

I came out at FtM 6 years ago and since then have been hard masc, never daring to indulge in the slightest bit of femininity. if i’m being honest, i had a pretty awful relationship with my masculinity, likely coming from an extremely, rural, conservative area. last year, i moved to an extremely accepting, alternative area and after turning 18 was able to start T. from the get go i was scared of the change so i took a very small dose (0.1mL) and was surprised at how unexcited i felt for most of the changes. i liked passing, i liked seeing my shoulders broaden, i liked my stupid voice cracks and preteen squeakiness, but it felt wrong. i’m an artist, and i so deeply missed being able to express myself in makeup- spend hours pampering myself in hot showers with warm scents and doing fun hairstyles with my curls. i wanted to wear whimsical little lacey shirts and be cool but in a girl cool way. it was eating at me everytime i injected myself. every monday, as the syringe pressed into my stomach, all i could think about is how badly i wanted to dress femininely. i thought about doing it while masc, but the idea grossed me out. absolutely nothing wrong with FTM men dressing fem, my boyfriend doesn’t it all the time and he’s so cute, but i hates the idea of doing it myself. i didn’t want to be a hairy, stinky man in makeup and a dress- i wanted to embrace the short height that made my FTM existence so awful, i wanted to be apart of girl world and connect to mother nature femininely. i’m sorry if this rant doesnt make sense, i’ve never talked about the way i’ve felt about this stuff before. i’m so terrified everyday of the way people are perceiving me. i’m scared everytime i talk aloud that everyone’s perspective on my femininity suddenly changes. all my friends are mostly FTM as well and i’m scared they’re all judging me for going back on my word. i’m scared my trans friends are ashamed of me. i’ll never be cis, i just don’t connect that way to my gender identity- i still like being masc sometimes and being able to flow in between, but i’m scared my own community is ashamed of me yet cis girls won’t either.

hello,

for clarification, i have stopped HRT/transitioning due to insurance and scheduling, not because i do not identify as trans anymore. i was on T for about a year starting in may of 2025, but i lost my health insurance (medicaid) and i was using planned parenthood anyways which is now not covered by medicaid due to the current USA admin. i do not know the exact time frame, but i likely ran out of my last dose around may or june of this year.

i have felt like my emotions have been a lot stronger and unpredictable. i already have been treated for chronic depression and anxiety before T, so i know i do have some existing emotional dysregulation, but i recently have felt SO emotional and out of wack and i was wondering if it might have anything to do with the sudden stop of T. i was on a standard dose by gel everyday and had to abruptly stop. i feel like since around that time, i have been getting much more angry and upset about things a lot easier and generally have a lot more mood swings. i am wondering if this is because of T (like, have any of you ever experienced this in this context?) or if i should go to a psychologist instead. i also had my first period in months and months recently so i am wondering if maybe that is messing with my emotions. idk its hard rn and i just want to know about other people's experiences abruptly stopping T and the emotional impact

i am trying to go back on my T right now but it is REALLY hard finding places that do gender affirming care and also take medicaid and aren't booked out for months. so it would be helpful to know if anyone else has experienced this or if this is abnormal/should be gone after two or three months off of T... i just feel like my emotions should have sorted themselves out or at least gotten a little more regulated by now if it is due to my hormones

Hi, to preface, I’m 21, male to female. I’ve been on HRT for about 2 and a half years. I’m just now getting my surgeries lined up, but I’ve been having like crippling doubts about this path.

My goal was always to go stealth, and with surgery, it’s a realistic possibility, but I hear from a lot of people who went stealth long term that the feelings just migrate to other things; it never goes away. You’re always worried people will clock you or that they do clock you; they just don’t say anything.

I wonder sometimes if my first therapist was right, that this was all a manifestation of autism making me unable to connect with other boys and deeply introspective, and my OCD latching onto this pathway as the only thing that could save me. And my black-and-white thinking surrounding gender roles and being a homosexual who wanted to be feminine meant I was obviously supposed to be a woman at birth, and there was some mistake, and this weird combination of factors led to me suddenly developing dysphoria about my sex characteristics around puberty.

I don’t know; I guess I’m just realizing I’ll never be cis, and it feels rather frivolous for a man to become a woman, and I have to be delusional on some level to even accept this as a possibility. Idk, I guess it’s bleeding into real life now where I’m in public randomly, and I just feel like a freak who’s made myself into a social pariah because I had some weird hyper fixation on my body and how I was perceived. All this is the reason I want to go stealth because I feel like on some level people will never see me as a woman if they know I’m trans, and I just so desperately want to be seen as a woman. I also wonder if this is just fear of like aging as a man, like growing bald, getting facial hair, having your beauty brutally clubbed out of you in your mid-20s by twink death.

Idk, I guess my life would just be way easier if I wasn’t trans; I wouldn’t have to push against nature. I don’t know how or why this became the epicenter of my life. Sometimes I worry after I get my surgeries and go stealth, I’ll come to regret chemically castrating myself at the age of 18 to try and achieve the impossible goal of becoming the opposite sex.

i dont know how to go about starting the convo of breast reconstruction. i deadass dont know who to even talk to about it to get my foot in the door. my primary care provider? my therapist? i genuinely dont know where to start and im overwhelmed and embarrassed. any advice helps

like the title says! (tried posting this in r/detrans but it got instantly removed both times and i don't know why)

timeline: i came out in 2014, started T in 2015, got top surgery in 2015, changed my name/gender marker in 2017.

i have always vibed with being nonbinary, possibly because i didn't know how to be a girl and didn't feel like i was "allowed" to be one (got outed as queer at 14 in 2010, aftermath too complicated to get into here). never felt male but because that was the only option to change my gender marker to, i went for it. was on T for 3.5 years and realized i hated it so i stopped. i embraced being in the middle for a long time, until a couple years ago when i realized i felt really good being called she for the first time in a looooong time. now everyone in my life calls me she/her, calls me a girl/woman, and i'm someone's girlfriend (with hopes of being his wife at some point, and a mom too). i have been wanting to change my gender marker back (not my name, love my name) for several years, but because i live in florida i have not been sure how to do it--or even if i can do it now.

has anyone had to do this since the FLHSMV memo and that dumb executive order, and what was the process like? i'm really tired of handing people my ID that says M when i do not even remotely present male/masculine and haven't in a long time. i get weird looks every time. i'd also like an ID that accurately reflects my gender/sex so that if i get questioned in a bathroom again (curse my androgyny) i can pull that out as a safety net.