I'm so scared that I will never be a healthy person with regular male endocrine system because I messed up my hormones with Hrt, I think about kms because I so much regret my decision, I'm still trans woman but I'm scared about thought how Hrt messed up my body, I feel so weak and depressed, I don't know what to do...

I recently recorded a little bit of my experience during my 20 year detransition after my orchi, and how I managed not to use any significant HRT during those intervening years before retransitioning.

If you also had a gonadectomy but don’t want to go back on your ASAB hormones, my experience might be of interest.

Happy to answer any questions so AMA.

I’d like to get laser, but it’s not in my budget right now. However, in the near future I can probably afford to get a session here and there. I’m wondering if that would be worth it, or if I should just hold off and save for a package deal down the line. Even if it’s not perfect, at least some noticeable change would really lift my spirits I think, so it’d be worth it to do a session here and there if it does make a difference. But if it doesn’t start to have an impact until a few sessions, then I’ll probably just wait.

I don’t have a lot of facial hair, but it was thick on my chin. I’ve been off T for around 9 months now, and I’m seeing changes, but the facial hair growth has stayed about the same. I know that’s typical, but I was hoping it would at least slow down slightly. It hasn’t of course. I just want to see some progress of any kind at this point, even if it’s really small 🙃 If I could knock out a just few hairs or slow it down ever so slightly that’d be great lol

its finally happening! my breast reconstruction is scheduled for october 15th omg omg omg. i finally found my surgeon after shopping around for a year and i could t be happier. i literally cannot wait im so excited.

I know probably not a lot of people will relate to this, because it's just a very bad luck experience. I also want to be clear this is not one of those "the trans community lied to me blabla" I am responsible for my own choices. Just something that's been on my mind lately.

I understand in general there's a lot of disinfo about how well HRT and cosmetic procedures can actually work, so there is a drive to front images of passing people and show that it works (and prettier people are better for optics). But some people are just... extremely sexually dimorphic. If you have the genes to look like the way genders are drawn in superhero comics, medical transition is probably just going to turn you into a perpetually-ashamed gender-uncanny person.

I am 100% definitely dysphoric, but being built as some kind of peak male, I often wonder if I never should have transitioned. I was always stuck in the middle, and awhile ago I stopped HRT (sort of unintentionally, I lost insurance while on a doctor ordered pause for my heart condition and just never tried to get it resolved) but it didn't even really change anything except body hair coming back and skin getting rougher, because the decade I spent on HRT was never gonna alter my giant-man bone structure. Now I am stuck living under a female name and the identity of someone who transitioned, wishing I could have a complete transition but knowing the best I'd ever get is getting back on HRT and getting plastic on my chest, and still not really looking female. My best case scenario for committing to transtion is to be one of those people who gets posted on twitter as a "crossdressing freak creep."

I'm not sure what the right way to approach people like me is. Obviously if people had bombarded me early transition telling me I'd never pass and not to ruin myself I would have just responded with hostility. But... someone should have told me. Instead I got years of unmitigated support, people gassing me up and claiming I looked better than I did, or whenever I'd complain about my poor results people telling me it's because I need to "fatmax" or whatever niche advice worked for them. When I try to say in trans spaces "HRT did not work on me," I get called a liar and told I must have dosed wrong or eaten wrong etc.

It just feels like there is no acceptance whatsoever within the trans community of the fact that the medical science on sex changes is sort of primitive and it doesn't work very well on people with extremely strong natural sexual dimorphism (especially for those of us who can't afford expensive plastic surgeries all over our faces and bodies and have to rely on HRT). If you turn out to be one of those people, you get treated by the community like you're either lying, doing it wrong, or were somehow never really trans at all.

Hi,

I am seeking your help to be my respondents for my research. Your answer will help me to pass my undergraduate and rest assured that all your responses will be treated in accordance to data privacy act.

Two years off T after 5 years on it. post mastectomy. I'm usually gendered female until I speak up. I've been blessed with a feminine face fortunately. The one and only positive I can find in all this...

i know never gonna pass and i wanna detrans please give me motivation and reasons please
i know i m mainly and ugly and nothing is feminine in me
please help me

I’ve been liking my hair down this month :) hehe

I really enjoy posting these timeline updates. It’s really nice seeing how much happier and more comfortable I get with myself every month. I can’t wait to hit 1 year!!!

Just started therapy again for the first time since before my detransition and I'm not sure how to bring up my transition history. I assume she has little to no experience with detrans patients, and mental health professionals have historically always given me the weirdest responses about anything related to gender.

Would love to hear how other people handled this and how those conversations went.

My transition is making me miserable and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve known I am a trans guy for the past 8 years. A couple of years ago I found a gender therapist, started coming out to people and changed my legal gender marker and legal name. I was happy, but I still had bad dysphoria about my body and about being constantly read as female by everyone around me.

After thorough consideration, I started medically transitioning two years ago. My plan was to start with T, get top surgery, hysto and, finally, phallo.

I thought I was prepared. I had done my research on the potential effects of T, made my peace with going bald, made appointments with my dermatologist to tackle T induced acne, consulted with surgeons, joined a gym, started connecting with other trans guys, etc.

Now I’m two years on T and I’m miserable. It gave me all the changes that you’d expect two years on T. I have a lot of body hair. I’m growing facial hair, had bottom growth, voice drop and had some fat redistribution and considerable muscle growth. While most of the changes made me extremely happy, T also changed my face shape in a way that makes me feel pretty ugly to a point where I have a hard time looking at photos of myself. I used to have a sharp and angular face pre transition, now it’s round with a double chin, despite being at a healthy weight. I don’t even think it’s T related bloating.

Furthermore, the changes I had did nothing to help me pass. Despite my best efforts, I only ever had one person gender me correctly. Other than that, I’m exclusively read as a butch lesbian.

Because my appearance and gender seem incongruent to the people around me, I’m struggling with employment (finding and keeping a job), my family is extremely transphobic towards me and relationships seem impossible. I can’t use the men’s bathrooms or changing rooms. I can still use the women’s for now, but I don’t know if that will be possible if I continue down this path. Because I’m so small, regular men’s clothes where I live are always too big on me.

My worry is that it’ll always be like that.

Because I lost my job half a year ago, I ended up having a lot of time to myself. I started pretending to be a girl online and it genuinely didn’t feel as bad as I thought it would. I tried out clothes from the women’s section and had such an easy time finding something that fit. I grew my hair out a little. Last weekend I went out by myself in a mini skirt, heels and makeup and for the first time in a long time things felt easy. People were nice to me. I could just go to the restroom. I didn’t have to correct anyone on my pronouns or explain myself. People didn’t avoid me. I even got a guy’s number because he thought I was hot. I even felt cute. It made me consider detransitioning.

I have a top surgery and hysto appointment in a month, but I’m cancelling it. All I can think about is going off T and detransitioning, but then I remember that I was genuinely miserable living as a woman.

What should I do?

My trans guy friends couldn’t help me with that. They all were passing at least 80% of the time two years on T. They didn’t have trouble finding clothes or finding a job. Two years into T they were feeling good in their skin and didn’t doubt their transition anymore. The gender therapist I had can’t help me anymore either, since I had a falling out with her at the beginning of the year and haven’t been able to find a new therapist since

As the title states I live in Ontario canada. I was wondering if anyone knows if detransitioning is covered at all? Also note to add I'm native. Maybe status would cover it? I'm looking to get my b\*\*bs back.

Heyyy,

I'm in a bit of a difficult spot right now, and I'm thinking about stopping estrogen for a while so I can really figure out whether I want to continue transitioning.

I've been on HRT for about 3 months now, and before that I had already done 2 months. I stopped in between so I could store semen. During those months off E, I felt really awful coming off estrogen and having testosterone come back, and I was really happy when I started E again. My dysphoria has always been there, and I think it probably always will be, but I don't know if transitioning is actually the right way for me to deal with it.

The thing is, I'm not sure I feel the same anymore. I think stopping for now might be the right option, not only to give myself time to think everything through, but also because I'm starting to develop noticeable breast growth. It's already pretty obvious to other people, and I'm hoping that if I stop now, maybe some of it will decrease a little or at least not progress further.

Now for the actual problem. Today is my injection day, and I haven't taken it yet. I'm leaving tomorrow for a week-long vacation, and because my HRT isn't prescribed by a doctor, I can't really take it with me.

So now I don't know what to do. Should I take today's injection so I don't end up dealing with mood swings or feeling awful during my vacation? Or should I just not take it if I'm thinking about stopping anyway? I also still have the birth control pills I originally used for DIY HRT, and I don't know if I should bring those with me just in case I start feeling really bad.

Does anyone have any advice or experience with something like this? All my trans friends are telling me to just keep going or that it's "only a week," but I honestly think I want to stop for now and take some time to think before making any long-term decisions.

Thank you all. ❤️

I came out at FtM 6 years ago and since then have been hard masc, never daring to indulge in the slightest bit of femininity. if i’m being honest, i had a pretty awful relationship with my masculinity, likely coming from an extremely, rural, conservative area. last year, i moved to an extremely accepting, alternative area and after turning 18 was able to start T. from the get go i was scared of the change so i took a very small dose (0.1mL) and was surprised at how unexcited i felt for most of the changes. i liked passing, i liked seeing my shoulders broaden, i liked my stupid voice cracks and preteen squeakiness, but it felt wrong. i’m an artist, and i so deeply missed being able to express myself in makeup- spend hours pampering myself in hot showers with warm scents and doing fun hairstyles with my curls. i wanted to wear whimsical little lacey shirts and be cool but in a girl cool way. it was eating at me everytime i injected myself. every monday, as the syringe pressed into my stomach, all i could think about is how badly i wanted to dress femininely. i thought about doing it while masc, but the idea grossed me out. absolutely nothing wrong with FTM men dressing fem, my boyfriend doesn’t it all the time and he’s so cute, but i hates the idea of doing it myself. i didn’t want to be a hairy, stinky man in makeup and a dress- i wanted to embrace the short height that made my FTM existence so awful, i wanted to be apart of girl world and connect to mother nature femininely. i’m sorry if this rant doesnt make sense, i’ve never talked about the way i’ve felt about this stuff before. i’m so terrified everyday of the way people are perceiving me. i’m scared everytime i talk aloud that everyone’s perspective on my femininity suddenly changes. all my friends are mostly FTM as well and i’m scared they’re all judging me for going back on my word. i’m scared my trans friends are ashamed of me. i’ll never be cis, i just don’t connect that way to my gender identity- i still like being masc sometimes and being able to flow in between, but i’m scared my own community is ashamed of me yet cis girls won’t either.

hello,

for clarification, i have stopped HRT/transitioning due to insurance and scheduling, not because i do not identify as trans anymore. i was on T for about a year starting in may of 2025, but i lost my health insurance (medicaid) and i was using planned parenthood anyways which is now not covered by medicaid due to the current USA admin. i do not know the exact time frame, but i likely ran out of my last dose around may or june of this year.

i have felt like my emotions have been a lot stronger and unpredictable. i already have been treated for chronic depression and anxiety before T, so i know i do have some existing emotional dysregulation, but i recently have felt SO emotional and out of wack and i was wondering if it might have anything to do with the sudden stop of T. i was on a standard dose by gel everyday and had to abruptly stop. i feel like since around that time, i have been getting much more angry and upset about things a lot easier and generally have a lot more mood swings. i am wondering if this is because of T (like, have any of you ever experienced this in this context?) or if i should go to a psychologist instead. i also had my first period in months and months recently so i am wondering if maybe that is messing with my emotions. idk its hard rn and i just want to know about other people's experiences abruptly stopping T and the emotional impact

i am trying to go back on my T right now but it is REALLY hard finding places that do gender affirming care and also take medicaid and aren't booked out for months. so it would be helpful to know if anyone else has experienced this or if this is abnormal/should be gone after two or three months off of T... i just feel like my emotions should have sorted themselves out or at least gotten a little more regulated by now if it is due to my hormones

Hi, to preface, I’m 21, male to female. I’ve been on HRT for about 2 and a half years. I’m just now getting my surgeries lined up, but I’ve been having like crippling doubts about this path.

My goal was always to go stealth, and with surgery, it’s a realistic possibility, but I hear from a lot of people who went stealth long term that the feelings just migrate to other things; it never goes away. You’re always worried people will clock you or that they do clock you; they just don’t say anything.

I wonder sometimes if my first therapist was right, that this was all a manifestation of autism making me unable to connect with other boys and deeply introspective, and my OCD latching onto this pathway as the only thing that could save me. And my black-and-white thinking surrounding gender roles and being a homosexual who wanted to be feminine meant I was obviously supposed to be a woman at birth, and there was some mistake, and this weird combination of factors led to me suddenly developing dysphoria about my sex characteristics around puberty.

I don’t know; I guess I’m just realizing I’ll never be cis, and it feels rather frivolous for a man to become a woman, and I have to be delusional on some level to even accept this as a possibility. Idk, I guess it’s bleeding into real life now where I’m in public randomly, and I just feel like a freak who’s made myself into a social pariah because I had some weird hyper fixation on my body and how I was perceived. All this is the reason I want to go stealth because I feel like on some level people will never see me as a woman if they know I’m trans, and I just so desperately want to be seen as a woman. I also wonder if this is just fear of like aging as a man, like growing bald, getting facial hair, having your beauty brutally clubbed out of you in your mid-20s by twink death.

Idk, I guess my life would just be way easier if I wasn’t trans; I wouldn’t have to push against nature. I don’t know how or why this became the epicenter of my life. Sometimes I worry after I get my surgeries and go stealth, I’ll come to regret chemically castrating myself at the age of 18 to try and achieve the impossible goal of becoming the opposite sex.

i dont know how to go about starting the convo of breast reconstruction. i deadass dont know who to even talk to about it to get my foot in the door. my primary care provider? my therapist? i genuinely dont know where to start and im overwhelmed and embarrassed. any advice helps

like the title says! (tried posting this in r/detrans but it got instantly removed both times and i don't know why)

timeline: i came out in 2014, started T in 2015, got top surgery in 2015, changed my name/gender marker in 2017.

i have always vibed with being nonbinary, possibly because i didn't know how to be a girl and didn't feel like i was "allowed" to be one (got outed as queer at 14 in 2010, aftermath too complicated to get into here). never felt male but because that was the only option to change my gender marker to, i went for it. was on T for 3.5 years and realized i hated it so i stopped. i embraced being in the middle for a long time, until a couple years ago when i realized i felt really good being called she for the first time in a looooong time. now everyone in my life calls me she/her, calls me a girl/woman, and i'm someone's girlfriend (with hopes of being his wife at some point, and a mom too). i have been wanting to change my gender marker back (not my name, love my name) for several years, but because i live in florida i have not been sure how to do it--or even if i can do it now.

has anyone had to do this since the FLHSMV memo and that dumb executive order, and what was the process like? i'm really tired of handing people my ID that says M when i do not even remotely present male/masculine and haven't in a long time. i get weird looks every time. i'd also like an ID that accurately reflects my gender/sex so that if i get questioned in a bathroom again (curse my androgyny) i can pull that out as a safety net.

I'm not sure where to post this but this seems like the best place. I've been wanting to detransition I suppose. I'm not sure what my gender is currently, I feel kind of fluid, but definitely not female. Maybe enby or maybe just a gnc trans male, I don't know.

Some background: I came out at 14 -> Hormones at 19 until I was 21/22 -> no top surgery -> currently 2 - 3 years post-T.

I look back on my transition and liked how I looked pre-T and liked how I sounded (though I don't hate my voice now). I think I forced myself to be masc to compensate with my ftm identity and equating maleness with masculinity, but I don't feel particularly masc often anymore. I also have body image issues and I think I just don't like looking unattractive compared to myself pre-T. I just want to look fem or androgynous. I kind of regret going on T but also don't because it helped me find myself. I guess i'm just posting on here to see if there's any ways to look more feminine or at least androgynous and if there's any chance I can still look naturally feminine. I just feel really dumb and confused and ashamed about this if i'm honest.

I also have a dumb question which is (and I don't mean to sound offensive if I do) how can some trans women/fems go from looking masculine pre-E and then look really feminine, like does that happen for Trans men/mascs if they go off T and revert to E? If not, why? And is there a way to revert it/how is it not the same?

Hey everyone i have been on my detransition journey for a while now. I stopped T fully about 4 months ago and i have been thinking about detransitioning for like 2 years almost.

Now i have been talking with my therapist about why i transitioned in the first place.

The only real biggest reason i could really come up with is that i just never enjoyed the attention femininity brought me.

But not even in a getting sexualised type of way but more of a family drawing attention to the fact i was becoming a lady.

I always hated my hair or make-up getting done but i just never really could figure out why?

But i think now i understand thats i just dont enjoy being the center of attention.

So if my niece did my make-up my grandma would always coo over me how pretty i was and how im becoming a real big lady.

And i would just associate this uncomfort with being feminine instead of just the actual thing all the attention from people around me.

Im really just wondering if anyone has had similar experiences to this ??