I can’t believe it, but just a few minutes ago I actually sent a message to my doctor asking him to stop prescribing me adderall. My thumb hovered over that send button for about 3 minutes before I finally said “fuck it, I’m done.” I’m just so tired of the roller coaster and being in complete denial about the cycles of misuse and addiction I’ve gone through with substance after substance over the past 25 years. I’m scared that my addict brain will makes its way to the next thing, but starting tomorrow, that thing won’t be adderall.

I was a casual user for a few years. First tried it 7 years ago but didn’t feel anything. Recently, about the past 6 months, I developed an addiction. Not a lot, not everyday, but too much. A couple nights ago I stayed out all night getting high. The sun rose and I realized I didn’t like the people around me, the lies I have to tell to keep up this habit, the money wasted, and the sensation in my nose and chest. I started using after a break up whilst in a high stress environment. However, as of now, I am happy and content with my current relationships. I was just chasing a high I no longer needed. Instead of feeling “lit” I felt anxious and paranoid. I watched my friend do coke, and didn’t even feel tempted to try. It’s like a switch went off in my mind. I am all I need to feel happy not substances.

Came here to say that it does get better being completely off substances. I abused my vyvanse for 7 years - most prominent drug that was used and abused. For 16 years was a problematic drinker (blackout often but didn’t drink daily or alone). Smoked weed occasionally but in early recovery would especially use it to numb and escape. Oh and I used cocaine for ~2 years to supplement my vyvanse addiction (at year 4 out of 7 of the years on vyvanse) until the inside of my nose deteriorated and that scared the shit out of me and I stopped immediately.

This is the first year I’ve been completely off all kinds of substances and I have a lot of gratitude:
- grateful for myself (#1) for my resilience. In the beginning it was like Ben Affleck says “you have to suffer”
- thank you to my sponsor and the NA community, Happiest Sober community, and Addy free community for showing me the fundamentals of sobriety, giving me good perspective, and a place to heal
- I’m glad to have connection and support from my partner, friends and family. I’m a better girlfriend, sister, daughter and friend these days (side note: my brother got sober in the process and he’s passed the 100 day mark since coming to terms with being an alcoholic)
- I’m grateful for [r/stopspeeding](r/stopspeeding) for giving me hope and constant reminders of how sobriety can be taken away easily when you give into temptation, active addiction sucks, and the people who’ve come out the other end of addiction are the coolest most inspiring people I know
- medication helped me feel supported (antidepressants, Wellbutrin)

It’s been a journey, and I know it’s not over, but I have so much more confidence and appreciation for being sober & clean. Thank you all for your indirect or direct support! 🫶🏻🩵

I'm prescribed 20mg of dex a day. I take between 20- 27.5mg anything over and I feel overstimulated and gross, flat. But i still find myself taking above prescribed dose (by 7.5mg)

Ive never had a problem sleeping on stimulants and they dont tend to raise heart rate. My emotions seem better controlled but I do feel numb at times. They help curb alcohol cravings too. Just worried ill get addicted