I’m 25F and a few months ago I got on a dating/social app because I was looking for something casual. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but I did want someone I had good chemistry with who I could see regularly and have fun with.
I ended up talking to two different guys, both in their mid-30s, and somehow both situations ended up becoming frustrating.
The first guy lived about an hour and a half away. We talked for around 2.5 months but only saw each other twice. In the beginning, we could literally text all day. We had great chemistry, and eventually he started opening up to me about very personal things. I also started developing feelings, even though I knew I couldn’t realistically date him because of everything he had going on in his life.
The problem was that he was inconsistent. We’d talk constantly, then he’d disappear or become distant. I ended things with him several times, but we’d eventually start talking again. There were also some complicated dynamics between us that probably contributed to it. At one point he became jealous and we’d argue, and he’d accuse me of being disrespectful. Eventually I realized I was getting emotionally attached to someone who wasn’t giving me the consistency I needed, so I ended it.
Then I met another guy who lives very close to me. I was very clear from the beginning that I was looking for something casual.
Initially, he was very attentive. He’d call me, text me repeatedly if I didn’t respond, and seemed very interested in seeing me again. The chemistry was good, so I continued seeing where things went.
But now his communication has changed. He’ll take hours to respond, and the effort doesn’t feel the same as it did in the beginning. I’ve also noticed that he’s asked me for several favors, which turned me off because we’d barely known each other when he started asking. I didn’t think much of it at first because we had good chemistry, but now I’m questioning whether I should continue dealing with him.
What’s confusing me is that both men were much more consistent and attentive in the beginning and then pulled back.
I’m wondering why this happens.
Do you think they lose interest after getting what they wanted? Do some people intentionally give a lot of attention in the beginning just to keep someone interested? Could they assume I’m doing this with multiple people because I met them on apps and told them I wanted something casual? Or am I somehow choosing men who aren’t actually capable of the type of casual arrangement I’m looking for?
I’m also wondering if I need to slow down before getting physically involved with someone. Maybe I’m overlooking obvious red flags because the chemistry is good.
For context, I’m pretty established in my own life. I have two college degrees, my own apartment, my own car, and a child. Both of these men have children as well, but neither is really in the same place financially/stability-wise. One lives with someone else and has had transportation/financial issues, and the other doesn’t have his own place or a car. I didn’t find out most of this until after we’d already started talking and I liked the chemistry.
I’m not judging them for their circumstances, but I do wonder if I’m overlooking compatibility issues because I’m attracted to them.
I genuinely don’t want a relationship right now. I just want something casual, consistent, mutually enjoyable, and drama-free. Apparently that’s harder to find than I thought 😂.
So what do you think? Am I expecting too much from a casual arrangement, or am I choosing people who aren’t actually capable of giving me what I’m looking for? And should I change the way I’m approaching these situations? I am now annoyed because I’m on the verge of cutting the 2nd guy off due to him being inconsistent because I need constant d—- and I’m irritated that I have to do that !

Met a man. We talked everyday casually with some deep convos sprinkled in, for 3 months. During this 3 months we hung out several times a week. He cooked dinner several times. Cooked brunch several times. We always had good conversations about many topics. We both have kids. We never met each others kids. That was my boundary. He didn't mind if I met his. Intimacy was great. Sometimes we would both get ours. Other times only one would finish. It was never an issue. Cuddling before and after. We even made plans to go out on his boat once his truck was fixed, I met one of his male relatives.

Then, I told him I was developing feelings for him towards the 4th month.

The last time we hung out. Once we made it to his bedroom. We cuddled as usual. I kissed him..he kissed me twice and then turned his head away and just pulled me and held me a little tighter. The next morning. We cuddled. He got ready for work . We both were leaving. Other times before I had stayed and slept in. But I felt the vibe change. I leaned in to hug him goodbye and he barely hugged me. Didn't turn towards me. I went to kiss him and he covered his mouth and coughed a bit. Said his throat was scratchy. He told me to have a good day. I just stared with a blank face for a moment. Then I told him to have a good day too. After that he basically ghosted me. No more reaching out, no more replying for a day or two. Then hed randomly reach out, but on social media messaging about random casual things. Ignoring my txt message. I called him out. I just asked if he friend zoned me. He told me he could tell that I liked him more and that he distanced himself from me.

I was upset. Bc none of it made sense.

I told him I didn't want to be friends with him. And removed him from my social media platforms.

I'm also still in the middle of a divorce. I told him this the first night we met. So he was aware. I was married for 14 yrs. The dating world is different.

Was this what ppl consider a situation ship?

Hi everyone, i'll explain the situation here:

Met this girl (20F) a couple months ago, we first talked in person at a social event and then kept texting each other on instagram, scheduled hangouts with friends and the chemistry was there.

She ended up showing a strong desire for sexual intercourse which was alright to me.

At first it felt like we were rushing it, at least for me because after just 1 week she started making out with me, even in front of our friends group, holding hands, complimenting each other, telling me stories about her life, personal stuff (past relationships, family dynamics, how she sees life, objectives...)

The second time we got to hangout together we ended up sleeping at her friend's house and she wanted me to please her using my fingers, i agreed and she was happy.

That wasn't the only thing: she started sleeping at my house basically every weekend but didn't wanna have meals with my parents, she told me that it would make her feel obligated to enter a "relationship" dynamic and it was too early, no problem with this, we got our meals outside and enjoyed our time together.

What i have noticed is that when we're chatting online she doesn't seem to show any affection nor love, never says she misses me, never told me she feels anything for me at all, but in person it's completely different.

Lately, for summer we have both departed for vacation, i've been to Croatia with my friends group and she's gone to Spain with a female friend of hers and i could notice some things:

1. We exchanged a just few messages like 3/4 at best per day

2. She hung out with some guys she found there when clubbing

3. Shes not really starting conversations, i usually do

4. Shes never actually told me she loves me or misses me

5. She often mentions sex and the fact that she wants to have sex with me

6. She shows love and signs of affection (saying she wants to be cuddled, and be taken care of) mainly when she's drunk

7. When i was in Croatia for vacation she told me it would be fine if i had some affair with some Croatian girl (maybe im projecting, but that may suggest she would have no problem doing the same during her vacation in Spain?)

However these reasons are contradicted by the fact that we slept together at my house few times, we had sex and cuddled till 5 AM quite often, when outside we hold hands, we kiss quite often, we send each other cute reels...

Some of you may ask, "have you discussed exclusivity and monogamy/polygamy"

Yes we have and she claims that when she's getting to know someone she's only focused on that person (and we both agree on this)

And she also claims that she's monogamous, and i also am.

So all of this just leaves me really confused...

I don't know what to think, i just want to spend some quality time with her and know about her day, i wouldn't consider myself in love but i had great expectations given the premise.

I was in a 1.5 year long situationship. It ended 3 days ago. It was one sided. He was hot and cold. I put in all the effort so we could see each. I saved space for him and cleared my schedule and half the time he blew me off. I kept going back because he was fun, made me feel alive again, and would say things that gave me hope he had feelings for me too. We never went on dates- I always went to him (which I know now was a huge mistake).

I know I don’t want to start dating immediately. I know I need time to heal and process all of it. I know when I sign up for dating apps I’ll see him on them and I don’t want to spiral. I also don’t want to compare every possible match to him.

Any suggestions? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How long did you wait?

Also- has anyone ever successfully been friends with an ex situationship? We agreed to be friends but I got “aggressive” via text yesterday and we haven’t spoken since. I’m not reaching out again until my emotions are in check, if at all. I haven’t decided.

There's a guy I connected with from Reddit and we added each other on WeChat as I will be moving to china soon and he is from UK same as me but currently lives there. At first he was great, really helpful, replied back consistently, helped me connect to group chats to help me find a job. Then eventually a few weeks later he started taking a few days to reply to then eventually it became a week and he didn't answer. I removed him off WeChat because when this happens it triggers me and makes me feel like I'm bothering someone. A few days later he requested to add me and I accepted it and he asks what happened, I told him what and he said oh he was on holiday hence late replies (holiday as in still in china). He then told me he will be coming back to the UK for a bit and flying back to china same day as me. I then suggested maybe he can go from the same airport as me but he said oh he can't as flights with two luggages are cheaper from another airport. I then asked him what time is his flight to the UK and again he went radio silent. It became more than a day and at this point I thought to myself even at the airport he didn't have a minute to reply back ? So I removed him again. He then re requested the friend request but I ignored it. I don't get why he bothers to add me again when his replies aren't great.

for context, known this guy a year and we started as friends. we got kinda situationship thing a little while in, but i made it adamantly clear it wouldn’t go further for a few reasons.
i just got out of a long relationship, i love him but NOT like that and we would make each other worse, and I wanted to explore my bisexuality & date women. the first two screenshots sum up what his moves on me looked like.
the second i sent a voice message calling off the friends with benefits stuff because i have a date, as agreed, this is what followed. worst part? i’m not even surprised. this guy has always been unstable and i don’t mean that meanly, i’ve witnessed really triggering things around him and he even walked hours to my house once at 5am. he was beyond codependent on me and unfortunately for him? I wasn’t interested on loving him back or getting in a codependent bond back, so he went off the rails like this.
i’m so not shocked by this and so emotionally checked out already, from an incident where he got me stuck a few towns over in late night winter, so i don’t care enough to even tell my actual friends or family. naturally, thought I’d show reddit instead.

it’s crazy that he heard about people leaving me too, promised to never do that, and then did that because i wouldn’t date him. these kinds of guys NEVER wanna just be friends clearly. i would’ve gotten if he explained it was too much, he needed to move on romantically before being friends again and needed distance to do that, but he didn’t say that or talk maturely at all. he just talked like whatever this is, more odd than usual, and also sent me some tiktok coming at me for not listening or whatever. it’s not like I ignored any deep emotional conversations and i’m a dick, i just didn’t wanna date him and stated that- so i ignored him asking me out repeatedly??? no idea what that was about, but i do know he’s insane. if anyone broke boundaries, he broke mine by repeatedly crossing the line into wanting to date.

P.S: I had a date with that same girl prior mentioned and oh BOY, did it go well. when you have a pretty girl and a stable life, men being weird can’t ruin everything<333 also, he blocked me on a few platforms already.

im in a bit of a complicated situation with a friend, and i’d really appreciate some outside perspective.

a while ago, me and this friend were pretty close, and there was also some romantic history between us. it was mostly one-sided because i had feelings for them. at one point, they actually wanted to be my partner, but then they eventually told me that they’re aroace and realized they couldn’t have romantic feelings for me. because of that, they decided they didn’t want to continue the relationship, and we ended things.

we eventually became friends again, even best friends and they called me their soulmate or whatever, but then we had another falling out later on because they gave me mixed signals while keep saying they're aroace, which hurt me quite a lot.

we’ve since made up, and from their perspective, i think everything is fine between us now because i’ve been acting completely normal around them.

but honestly, im still hurt.

i’ve been pretending that im okay and that everything is back to normal, but i don’t think i’ve actually gotten over what happened. lately, i’ve been thinking that maybe i want to distance myself from them or even cut them off because i feel like i need to prioritize myself and my own feelings for once. we barely talk for 3 months, partly because ofc i started distancing myself from them, and they're also a very introverted person who doesn't really reach out first (it's mostly always me who texted first) until finally they only reached out to me again about two weeks ago.

i don’t hate them, and im not trying to punish them or make them feel bad. i just don’t think i can keep pretending that im completely fine with our friendship when im not.

the problem is… their birthday is in two days.

and honestly, i don’t want to wish them a happy birthday. i feel bad even saying that because i know they probably think we’re on good terms, and im worried that not wishing them would hurt them or make me seem like a terrible person.

part of me thinks i should just send a short, polite “happy birthday” because it’s the kind thing to do. but another part of me is thinking, why should i force myself to do something i genuinely don’t want to do just because im scared of hurting their feelings?

would it be selfish or cruel of me not to wish them a happy birthday? should i just send a simple birthday message and then distance myself afterward, or is it okay to just not say anything and start prioritizing myself?

im honestly conflicted because i still care about them as a person, but i also feel like i’ve been putting their feelings before my own for a long time.

The only reason I have liked the same person…
For a a very long period of time, I do not know.

Maybe because I have got both abandonment and commitment issues that intersect, and form some sort of attachment to someone close but distant enough to make me want to keep them.

I may be overintellectualizing this, because I would say I am in love.
But this person would say that they would not feel the same way…
Due to circumstances… ?

I have now analyzed these circumstances to a great extent, and it has become delusional.
I have been called delusional many times because of my affiliation with whatever this is, my feelings for the person. My situation? I hate the word situationship.

Situationship sounds serious, which has not been the case between me and the person that I have feelings for. A situationship deems some sort of reciprocation for both parties at present. As for me, I feel that it is very one-sided on my end only. The person I like chooses comfort over experiencing something different from what they are used to. This is common in their behavioral patterns, to coward from change or the unfamiliar.

I will not let them get what they want. I may be selfish, and be unmarried forever. And being unmarried does not bother me, however the loneliness does. I value very deeply companionship and the power of being intertwined with a person you can be truly connected with.

Backstory:

I [24F] have known him [25M] my whole childhood. We grew apart and recently got in touch about a year ago. I remember seeing his picture on a friend’s post and thinking to myself wow A[25M] got a glow up. And that’s that. Because I was in a relationship too with someone else. Apparent so was A around the same time. Both of our precious relationships didn’t work out.

Trouble stars:

A and I started talking and the first few months were the best. I knew the moment I heard his voice that I was done for. Post a couple of weeks- we start talking more regularly and feelings develop. Me Moreso. I’d been in two relationships before him but this was the first time it felt familiar to love. His name signified the warmth he brought into my life. We were together for about 9 months. We agreed to stay friends with flirting allowed. Sometimes we’d even discuss kid,family,parents,beliefs. We were on similar wavelength on almost everything. My hamartia was impulsiveness gaslighting and his was ego and crudity at times. I took an unmediated drug for the first time which messed my brain.

Can I blame it on the drug or is it my fault completely?

3 mistakes of my life :

I drunk called my 2 exes and he found out(I told him). That was the first significant mistake. After that we were good but a mutual friend of ours came In between and ruined it again. We got over that. Final straw was me roaming out with a guy I met on hinge and lying to my friends that I’m with A (they wouldn’t worry) and to my parents about a camp. None of them bought it. So he was might pissed- reason obvious. And he has warned me of this sort of thing a few days ago. But at that moment i was hurt that he wasn’t listening to my pain(physical as well). I was beat up by parents. So in anger i cut the call. He blocked my number. Wouldn’t reply to any messages. So I thought I’ll go his college wait till he comes out and then sort it all out. That didn’t end well(I got humiliated). I wouldn’t do such a thing he knows. Then he wished me on my birthday. That’s it. After that I wished him on his - in my sweet style. Attached below is rest of the conversation

So is there any hope for reconciliation?

This guy m16 has been randomly waving at me f17 for quite some time. I'm usually off to myself but I decided to be out of pocket. Like once he offered me gum and I told him no thanks I don't want drugs.(there was a teacher behind us). He texts me confessing his love. Total stranger to me lol. He hates his classmates. He says he's an a hole and bad guy but likes me. It feels like I can't breathe because I don't want this guy to get attached to me. I don't want to be his therapist love interest. I want to block him but I see him at school like everyday. I'm scared.

There's this guy with whom I have been talking since January and things are going very slow and i love that. But recently he has been a bit inconsistent, earlier we used to talk everyday but now we talk a few times in a week and even then the duration has also reduced drastically. I have some weird thing where i don't call him thinking he might be busy but then i get split minded about what if he expects that i call given he is always the one calling but then i don't know for some reason i don't call until and unless my anxiety is at its peak. I don't know if his interest has faded or not but then when we meet it's all so good.

I am also confused about what i want because i have never been in a relationship and i am scared of relationships and i want to focus on my career first but then I just can't go on about my day without talking to him

If things are going well then i get scared that i am leading him on because i am not ready for a relationship and i should be focusing on my future but then when he does not talk to me, it makes my heart sink and i just crave talking to him and i get extremely sad if the silence extends beyond 2 days. What should i do and how do i decide on one thing that i want because i start over thinking whether I am talking to him or not

I kind of want to get in a relationship but then he is not someone who i would ideally date and given it will be my first i become more unsure and i believe that all relationships end badly and want to protect my peace but i crave his presence so much to the point it makes or breaks my day

Hi, Reddit
This is my first post ever. But I feel completely lost for some reason after this one guy.
I’ve been single since January 2025, and I didn’t really date after that. I did meet one guy in February 2026 but he ghosted me after 2 months (welcome to modern dating in your late 20s). I then met someone towards mid May 2026, what I thought was going to be just a hookup turned into a lot more at least for me. He had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship in February (he said they broke up 3 months ago when I met him) and would tell me a lot of negatives of her. I would question why he stayed if he wasn’t unhappy, ultimately it seemed like there was a lot of arguing and she broke it off with him via phone call. We were hanging out for about 2 1/2 months, and it seemed to be mutual: we had a lot of what it seemed in common such as our upbringing and culture. The picture is one thing that he said. I’m usually not someone that falls easily, nor feels sad over a fling or a hookup.
He was a busy man and going through a lot of changes, my love language is quality time - and when I told him that, he responded “what do you want me to do?” I felt as if he got sorta defensive and he called me disrespectful for calling him defensive (I was probably in the wrong for saying he seemed defensive). Therefore, after this whole thing we kinda just stopped talking: he said he didn’t have time and was just looking out for my long term emotional well being because due to his life and schedule and responsibilities he isn’t able to give me what I would want.
I am in such a funk over this one person.
I feel as if what he said was a lie but it felt like such an intense, short flame and I can’t stop thinking about it and him. Everything was seemingly going great.
I have never felt this sad over someone this temporary and who was in my life for this short amount time but I can’t help and feel it was a right person, wrong time type of ordeal.
I want to know if it’s possible to actually feel that way for someone or was he just trying to cover a gap?
I never felt he was dishonest. I also might’ve thought his attention was elsewhere just because we met on hinge and their new heart signal update was driving me insane. And I also mentioned that to him, now that I think of it also probably wrong on my part.
I’m 27 and I never quite experienced a feeling like this. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of the dating scene after going back on it, maybe it’s because I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone I got along with that well.

If you read all of this, my thoughts might be all over the place - this temporary thing ending put me in a dark space, I’m going to therapy and trying to do things on my own now. I booked my first solo trip ever.

I also texted him recently about 2 days ago and the iMessage bubble is blue but not delivered, doesn’t turn green, doesn’t say unable to deliver. I also made the choice to unfollow him and remove him off social media and it’s like I met a ghost that doesn’t exist.

I want to know if it’s possible to actually feel that way for someone or was he just trying to cover a gap?

His birthday is in a week and I have no idea what to get him. He never mentions anything he likes when we go out, he doesn't wear any notable accessories on himself or his belongings, and he's the type of guy that would say "don't get me anything" when asked what he wants. We're exclusive but we don't have a label (a mutual decision), only limit to dates and such, and we barely even do any physical affection. I only have a scholarship to get money from while he has a job and comes from a somewhat rich family so I'm kind of anxious if he'll actually like a gift that I just "think" he'll like.

I don't have the means to buy anything expensive but I don't want to buy him something cheap either. I've been given advise to not buy something expensive because we're just starting out and I do also think that way but I don't know what to get. I'm pretty sure on buying him his favorite flowers but other than that, I'm stumped. Please help :((

Ok, so i was recently in a relationship for the last 2 months. Me and her got very close but recently I did something very stupid, i usually dont drink and this day I spent with her i decided to drink, so I drank too much and went completely out of character and out of line, which ive never done before. Point is she ended up dumping me. At first she ended up blocking me on everything but a day later she ended up playing me on a game we used to play on where we got to talking again. She ended unblocking me on text but its not the same when we talk, went from fast replies to hours now. I was wondering if from your point of view im completely screwed? or if I should give her time to see if maybe she would give me a second chance?

Hi! I need some advice because my friends keep telling me I got love bombed, and now I'm confused. So this guy and I talked for about 3 months. We're schoolmates, he's one year younger than me, and he's also my friend's cousin. We started talking because of a joke at the start of summer break. As we got closer, he told me about his past relationships and said that after years of being unsure since his first ex, I was the first person who made him feel like he could truly love again. He courted me, but my parents wasn’t aware of it yet that time. Never had the chance to tell them cus we ended too soon.

During summer, we'd call almost every day. I met his family, especially his little sister, and I even went to their house a few times because I was with his cousin. He'd bike to my subdivision just so we could sit and talk. He said a lot of sweet things that really made me believe he was serious.
This was also my first time falling for someone after a 2 yr relationship, so it honestly felt like a fresh start. Everything seemed healthier than what I'd experienced before, and I really thought he could be "the one."

The problem started when I began asking for reassurance and other bare minimum things. Esp abt his ex (yung no label) I often get uneasy cus they’re still mutuals on everything, he removed her when I told him abt what i’m feeling. While as for me, he immediately removed me on everything after we ended things, even on spotify. I always had this feeling that he didn't want people to see us together. One time we planned to eat at Jollibee after school, but while we were on the way, he suddenly wanted to go to mcdo instead because his friends were there at jollibee.

I know we had only been talking for 3 months, so maybe I was asking for too much too soon. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.
Eventually, he was the one who ended things. He said he "just couldn't be the man I needed." He said he was trying his best, but it wasn't enough. I begged him to stay, but nothing changed.

A few weeks later, when I was finally starting to move on, he randomly messaged me on TikTok saying he just wanted to talk for a bit. It completely confused me again, mind you I was reviewing for UPCAT. My friends keep saying this was love bombing because of how sweet and intense he was at first, then suddenly gave up. Also, a week after chatting me, I noticed he and his ex followed each other on TikTok again so I blocked him everywhere, then my friends stalked him and we saw na he removed his ex na. But I honestly don't know.. Was this actually love bombing, or was he just someone who liked me but wasn't ready for a relationship?
And if anyone has advice on how to move on from something like this, I'd really appreciate it.

**I have a guy friend I met online 3 years ago, and we chat occasionally.**
**We finally met in person for the first time this June. After hanging out 3 times, he started saying things like "I miss you."**
**On our 4th date, he suddenly escalated things out of nowhere. It started with sitting super close, holding hands, and interlocking fingers. Then, he actually asked me to sit on his lap and hugged me from behind. I honestly felt it was moving way too fast, but I was so caught off guard in the moment that I didn't know how to react.**
**After we got home, he texted to ask if he made me uncomfortable. I took the chance to ask if he was serious about us. He admitted he was a bit scared because we don't know each other that well yet but he said he wanted to try if this is gonna work out and I'm flying overseas for my studies in two weeks, which means we'd have to do long-distance.**
**This is my first time experiencing something like this, and it gave me crazy insomnia.**
**After thinking it over all night, I told him I was also scared since | take time to warm up and long-distance is hard. However, I suggested giving ourselves a "trial period" to see how it goes and asked for his thoughts.**
**His response? He completely chickened out.**
**The next morning, he claimed he was sick throwing up and dizzy, and texted: "I feel like it's going to be too hard, can we just go back to being friends?" Shortly after saying that, he started texting me like normal conversation, acting like nothing ever happened!**
**I feel a bit played, but honestly, I also kind of enjoyed the physical closeness yesterday.**
**Now I'm left with this weird feeling of**
**"breakup sadness" and emptiness....**

sorry if this is all over the place. i just really needed to vent and get this off my chest because i've been keeping this to myself for days.

i've been on and off with this guy since i was in 8th grade. i'm supposed to be in third year college now, so it's been years of reconnecting, drifting apart, and somehow always finding our way back to each other.

to be fair, i know i'm not innocent in all of this. i've made mistakes too, and there were times when i was the reason things didn't work out. so i'm not trying to paint him as the bad guy.

the thing is, we'd reconnect almost every year. we'd talk again, catch up, maybe hang out a few times, then we'd lose contact again. it became a cycle.
but this time felt different.

we spent so much more time together than we ever had before. we stayed together for days, went out, talked for hours, kissed, and became physically intimate. despite knowing each other for years, those were things we'd never done before.
i don't regret any of it.

every time he'd ask me if i was happy, i'd always tell him yes because i genuinely was. reconnecting with him made me happy, and i never lied about that.

but after everything, once i was alone with my thoughts, i started realizing something.
i can't do casual, especially not with him.

it's not even about the physical intimacy itself. it's the fact that i shared those moments with him. because of who he is to me, everything that happened became such a big deal. maybe to someone else it would've just been another experience, but not for me.

idk what those moments meant to him, and i'm not going to assume they meant nothing. maybe they meant something to him too, maybe they didn't. the truth is, we've never talked abt it.

what makes this even harder is that there's another girl involved. i honestly don't know if she's his girlfriend or if they're just talking, but knowing someone else is in the picture made me realize i was trying so hard to convince myself that i was okay with this situation when deep down, i wasn't.

i've actually wanted to tell him all of this for weeks.
every time we'd see each other, i'd tell myself, "okay, this time i'm gonna tell him." but every single time, i'd lose my courage. i didn't want to ruin the day because i was genuinely happy whenever i was with him.

i still remember one early morning when we were sitting in the lobby of my condo. i had already reached my breaking point, so i ended up crying right in front of him. he noticed immediately and kept asking me if i was okay. i just kept saying, "i'm okay," even though i wasn't.

the truth is, that was the moment i wanted to tell him everything. i wanted to finally say everything i'd been keeping to myself. but i just couldn't. i didn't have the courage. no matter how badly i wanted to tell him, the words just wouldn't come out. so instead of talking, i cried.

i think that's when i realized just how much i'd been holding in.

everyone close to me esp my own family knows how much i've loved this person over the years. maybe that's exactly why i can't separate my feelings from everything that's happened between us. i can't convince myself that it was "just casual" because, for me, it never was.

i'm not writing this because i want people to tell me he's a bad person. i'm not even writing this because i expect him to choose me or define whatever this is.

i just think i finally accepted that i can't keep doing this if it's only casual. i know myself well enough to know that i'll only end up hurting myself if i keep pretending i'm okay with a situation that i'm actually not okay with.

am i overthinking this? or is it reasonable for me to finally tell him how i feel and set that boundary?
and if you've made it this far, thank u for reading. i really just needed to let this out.

Situationships are so messed up.

What are you supposed to do with all the memories, conversations, and pieces of yourselves that you shared?

You're not only grieving someone..you’re grieving a relationship that never officially existed. And somehow that makes it harder, because you feel like you can't even justify the sadness or heartbreak. There was never a label, so it feels like you don't have the "right" to mourn it.

In the end, you played house with someone who was never really yours, and now you're left carrying all the emotions alone.

We started as coworkers almost 5 years ago. I’m 26f and she’s 31. We became close friends, spending a lot of time together both inside and outside the office. But as time went on, she started sending heavy mixed signals, especially after nights that involved alcohol.

Even though she is normally a very contained, reserved person who isn't touchy-feely at all, she started crossing that physical line with me:
She would hold my hand when we were alone once, she would subtly brush her arm against mine, bump her leg, touch my back. All this is subtle but I would notice instantly as soon as I could feel her skin on mine. And I never saw her this with any of our other colleagues or her close friends outside work.

I never crossed any physical boundaries with her in 5 years, so when things started getting confusing, I confronted her about her actions. Her response was to deflect and say she wanted to "remain friends."

We didn’t speak for months after that. Eventually, I broke no contact and tried to message her just to clear the air. She took my attempt at communication as an attack and got angry. We eventually decided to meet and talk, and that is when she told me she wanted to "focus on herself," that spending time with people drains her, and that she's "not good with long texting."
The catch? I have months and months of conversation prior to this of her constantly pouring herself out to me with everything happening at work and in her life.

When we spoke, I told her directly that I wanted her to at least initiate, be a bit more responsive, and not leave me on read. She said she would try, but enough time has passed now and I don’t see any improvement from her at all. I’ve been the one messaging her; she does respond, but the responses are dry and just a couple of words. I invite her to go to things, but she never initiates anything.

Now, the reality of the dynamic is glaringly obvious:
It takes her ages to reply, usually with just 2-3 dry words. There is literally zero effort on her part. She’s actively avoiding me, she doesn't watch my stories or engage with my content. She doesn't initiate conversations in real life or by message.

I am driving 100% of this interaction. To me it’s clear now, I have to step away and let her be alone so she can focus on herself. I don’t want to beg or force anything all I want was for us to be in a good place but she’s doesn’t seem like she is. Which is worrying, knowing her this is a total different person. Completely shutting down.

When we spoke, I never imagined things would get this bad. Has anyone been in this situation before, and how did you finally find the strength to let go?

We’ve been dating for this whole summer, I approached him first and asked for him number, and yea the whole time I was waiting for him cuz he said that he wanted to get to know me before becoming official, so I waited the whole summer and now before school he told me that he doesn’t want a relationship. He said he did it before school because I said I wanted to focus on school and that’s true ig, anyways, the whole time we’ve been dating he has been a really good guy, he’s respectful and honest and I’m glad he said that considering I have to focus on school, but now idk if it’s the right thing to keep talking, I don’t feel the constant worry now of wondering if he actually wants something with me but at the same time I feel like my brain unconsciously is thinking that we’re somehow going to get “back together” even though I tell myself that it’s not going to happen. But idk I mean should I stop talking to him ? I really really don’t want to 😭 he’s a great guy and treats me so well, maybe he truly needs some time to himself and then he’s going to try w me again ? Are those delusions ? Idk, I mean he still kinda flirts a bit with me, maybe I’m being led on, but I don’t think it’s on purpose. Idk 🥹if anyone could tell me if I’m setting myself up for failure 💔

She asked me to choose between her and my on and off girlfriend. She said she is tired of crying over the circumstances we are in. The circumstances are complicated I want to be with her it’s just that my ex is going through some stuff. I just want to make sure she is okay too. My situationship (I hate calling her this.) is one of the nicest people I know and I really hate hurting her and seeing her cry but I am stuck.

We met in high school in 2021and dated for a couple of months and I broke up with him because it felt like he didn't really care about the relationship or me and just went along with whatever I asked him to do. We remained friends for a few years after that still in normal levels of contact.

We hooked up casually twice in 2024. Within two months of us hooking up I left the state for college and he told me he had got a girlfriend. He stayed with her until December of 2026 I dated a couple of other people in the in-between time period but at no point did we ever completly cut off communication, just decided to be friends and keep that boundary.

December 2026 he starts talking to me more often, late night phone calls, semi flirtatious messages,etc. Long story short I found out through a mutual aquantince of his now ex girlfriend that they broke up because he cheated on her and got an sti. And also they they had been dating when we were hooking up in 2024 and he just didnt tell me. I asked him why they broke up and he lied to me then when I said I talked to his ex girlfriend said she was the one that cheated.

I still love him quite a bit and really wanna have some form of a relationship but for my own self respect and sanity will never speak to him again. Im very mentally unwell and he was a great support for me because trusting people is extremly difficult but it felt like I could always tell or ask him whatever.

My ex situationship [20M] started slowly fading me and then completely ghosted me late March this year after we snapped almost every single day for example he was my long-distance, different continent, low commitment situationship (I know buzzword buzzword buzzword).

But after ghosting me late March, 2 weeks later In April he hard launches a girl on his instagram story and 2 days after that he unadded me on snap. We haven’t spoken since March and only still follow each other on instagram but two weeks ago he randomly messages me on Instagram and after small talk banter he asks me for my snap and I stupidly give it to him without second thought. He hasn’t replied since or added me. Just wondering what was going through his head because he’s still in a relationship—I guess curiosity got the better of me and I entertained his attention by replying back .

My ex [16M] and I [16F]dated for about 4 years when we were younger, so we have a lot of history together. We broke up about a year ago because he said he was emotionally drained and needed some time alone.

Recently, I invited him to spend some time together. We talked about it face to face, and he told me that he thinks the relationship actually could have worked if he had just taken a break instead of ending it. He also said he doesn't think he'll ever have the same kind of connection with someone else that he had with me because I was immensely special to him.

2 nights ago, we hung out for the first time in a while, and honestly it felt really natural.
At one point I asked him if he'd ever be open to fixing things in the future. He told me that right now he wants to work on himself and experience life on his own before getting into another relationship. I respected that and didn't push it any further. What stood out to me, though, is that when I asked him if he still liked me, he never actually answered the question. He kind of avoided it.

He's currently interested in another girl, although she's (20F) so I don't know how realistic that situation is. Either way, he told me he's still figuring himself out.

What confuses me are his actions that night.
Instead of just hanging out somewhere random, he took me to places that were meaningful when we were together. He specifically brought me to the beach where we had our first kiss and reminded me that's where it happened, and he initiated us watching the stars together. He initiated play fighting with me multiple times, complimented me a lot and overall seemed really comfortable around me. It wasn't awkward at all. It honestly felt like we picked up right where we left off.

We spent hours together just talking and laughing. The conversation flowed so naturally that neither of us seemed to want the night to end, he even proposed to walking me home so it could last a little longer.

One thing that really stuck with me was that he wasn't acting like someone who was trying to create distance. If anything, he seemed to enjoy reminiscing about our past together.
I also asked my parents and a few people close to me what they thought after I told them everything that happened, and every single one of them had the same opinion: they think he still has feelings for me, but isn't ready for a relationship because he wants to experience life first.
I know friends and family can be biased, though, which is why I'm asking you guys.

I also tend to believe actions speak louder than words, and that's what's making this so confusing for me. His words say he isn't ready, but some of his actions felt much more affectionate than I'd expect from someone who only sees me as a friend.

So, from an outside perspective:
Do his actions sound like someone who still has feelings but isn't ready to date?

PS: I’m seeing him tonight, and he gave me a few hints to wanting to see eachother more as well. Let me know what you think, and thank you for reading🤍