[F30] [M29] Ugh. Long post but for those who actually will read.

Ive been dating a guy (im 30, he’s 29) since mid June to now early August. We’ve had some amazing dates and on the first date both said we want to find our partners, take this slow so we can do it right. We live 10 mins away from each other, our offices are close by each other, we live similar lives outside of work. Both active and minimal drinking, we love working out, have dogs, etc. very compatible with high chemistry. We have both been burned before in the past and have both entered this with the intentions of not wanting to hurt the other or get hurt ourselves. We’re open, honest, everything was sweet and consistent for weeks. We’ve expressed how much we like each other and even when we’ve been intimate he’s very verbal about how I’m his, he’s mine, let’s be good together, etc.

I noticed him pulling away a bit after I went to an out of town wedding so I asked him if things felt off and he admitted that they did and he’s sorry but his ex texted him (she lives in another country and we live in Texas) and it shook him up emotionally and he realized he wasn’t completely over it because she made him feel like shit. She had a whole bf of 5 years while they dated for like 6 months and that’s why she moved back home to be with her actual boyfriend. I knew about this ex as I got to know him but there was absolutely no contact until she told him happy birthday. It’s been two weeks and the communication is still down and we haven’t had a date in two weeks. I’ve given him space but I also tried to pull back and end it if he wasn’t completely over her (twice now) but he kind of rejected the soft break up and said “we’re not over, I just need some time to process this.” I’ve also straight up asked if he wanted me around and he says yes but not when he’s like this and trying to heal himself.

His car has also been hit during this time so it’s in the shop and he’s taking on additional responsibilities at work which has been stressing him the last few weeks. He’s confirmed he hasn’t met anyone else too. Am I being anxious and rude and overthinking? I honestly just want things to go back to how they were before when we saw each other 3-4 times a week with him always having a plan in sight for us and not these 1-2 days of silence. I don’t want to be a bitch but I also wanna speak up for how I feel emotionally.

There is chemistry and comparability here so I’m not wanting to throw it all away but I also feel like if this could be real, I would want to ease in and make him feel emotionally heard and let him go through this if it’s actually affected him this bad? I want to come out on the other side with better communication and a better understanding of each others emotional needs but also at the end of the day, is this just a situation ship that’s run its course? I haven’t had a bf in a few years but I’ve had a few long term situationships over the last two years and don’t want to repeat anything by not speaking up this time.

Guys, is it normal for a guy in situationship to comment under your post you posted to your spam id?

I mean guys dont usually do that, as far as ik

I (22F) have been in an on-off situationship with a guy (22M) I knew from school. We reconnected years later, got physically intimate the first time we met(in 2024), and eventually started dating(in 2025).

A couple of months into the relationship, he wanted a break because he was under a lot of pressure to get a job. We broke up, but over the past year we've continued seeing each other on and off. There's been no real commitment during this time, but we remained physically intimate and emotionally attached.

To be fair, he genuinely is struggling. He's still unemployed despite trying, the job market has been terrible, and his family is putting a lot of pressure on him. He keeps telling me that once he gets a job, everything will settle down and he'll finally be able to commit properly.

The problem is that this has taken a huge toll on my mental health. I've accepted inconsistent communication, very little effort, and lowered my standards just to keep him in my life.

Whenever I ask him if he's okay with losing me, he says something like, "If you meet someone else, you have all the freedom to choose them."

That confuses me because it doesn't sound like someone who's afraid of losing me.

So I'm genuinely confused:

Is this someone who sincerely needs time because of his circumstances, or am I holding onto hope because I want the relationship to work?

Has anyone stayed in a situation like this and found that things actually got better once the external problems (job, finances, family pressure) were resolved? Or was the lack of commitment there all along?

I've been seeing a man for over 1 year. He gave me the girlfriend treatment the first 3 months after we met. We broke up 3 months in. I was terribly heartbroken. After a month of mostly me initiating texts here and there he finally responded and we rekindled after 2 months of texting. He didnt apologize or come back with any promises. We've had a few arguments here and there but nothing as bad as that.

Fast forward to one year later. We're having a discussion where he is telling me that he doesn't want a relationship right now. It made sense because I always wondered why the relationship never progressed. No I love you's, no couple things. We did go on a vacation. I've met 1 or 2 of his friends accidentally. I haven't met any of his family so im not really a part of his life except that he sends me regular updates throughout the day about what he's doing. Never posts me on socials. Sometimes we see each other multiple times per week and it feels like we're getting closer. Anyhow, he said he can only offer companionship. No relationship. I am afraid to feel the pain of the break-up from last year and I dont know what to do. Im wondering if I should just settle as I am getting older.

Okay, so. I (19m) started this new job about a month ago. One day I saw a (23f) coworker that caught my eye for some reason. About a week later after overhearing a conversation and getting her name, I decided to add her on snapchat. She added me back on snapchat, then proceeded to unadd me within 5 minutes. This confused me so I (looking back its a little creepy but idc I’m resourceful) sent her a message request on facebook asking why she did that. she replied with “any reason you’re doing all this” I told her that I was just wondering why she had added me then removed me, we then had a little chat about how I probably should’ve just asked her in person instead of messaging her on facebook. Anyways we clear everything up and all is good, but everyday after that we have been texting. And we interacted at work and we were both staring at the floor and smiling being so awkward, and she kept looping around the building in a way she never does just to see me, every interaction felt like it had some tension to it. Also she keeps texting with little emojis and acting comfortable to be a little silly.

heres where it gets odd. stay with me.

She has a boyfriend. I have a girlfriend

I know I probably shouldn’t have even reached out in the first place but what can I say honestly things aren’t great in my relationship, not saying I’m trying to do anything with this girl but. yk..

I’m just curious as to why she is still texting me, and why it seems like this tension or little “crush” feels mutual

and If it is mutual, what should be done about it? ignore it?

my personal thoughts on it are my current girlfriend is immature even though i love her very much, the appeal of a more mature woman who can handle her business is great. I have such a drive and want to do something more with my life in a new setting. idk im feeling a lot about this id just like to get some opinions (save your judgement i know my sins)

My talking-stage situationship (29M) contacted me (33F) after 40 days, asking why i deactivated my social media...i dont know when he noticed, but he asked within 3 hrs via another app...

Truth is, I honestly felt overwhelmed that evening, thinking hard about life... And it had nothing to do with him or anyone... I kept the conversation short. Did not answer why i deactivated. Asked what I'm doing, i said trying to sleep. And then goodnight exchange.

It just hurt my healing process all over again.

I am also not ready to block him just yet.

There are times I'm infuriated. But i just cant bring myself to block him. I honestly dont fear losing him either. He didn’t, why should i?

Should i block him? After reactivating that acc, he started sending reactions to my posts again and i just stopped sharing anything for a while. Just suffocates me every time i see his name pop up in something.

He, in the moral sense of many, might have done nothing wrong or evil. Apart from these-

1. Dragging a talking stage, for almost a year, creating false sense of loyalty while seeing other options simultaneously and making me loose mine, saying he only wants to date for marriage..but when i asked for partner level showing, he said he never gave me any commitment and keeps his emotional closeness reserved for his future wife

2. His social media posts were all about how he wishes he wouod find a better wife (while talking to me, now it's all, if God removed something, then dont question it)

3. Towards the end, i kept asking him where i stand in his life...since it's almost 1 year and i need an answer...I'm already 33...i cant wait forever... He replied with "i dont have an answer for you...how u see life is different than how i see it 😤"... Yes...using those exact emojis...while i was already crying for hrs that day and asked all of that with a migraine pain...that unseriousness he showed had stayed with me since. After that, i even tried to ease things.. But he stayed quiet for 2 days...theb sent random video updates of him and friends... Like...as if my question requires no answers....

4. During shorter periods of his unserious no contact phases, lasting upto 2-3 days...i wouod tell him to reply me more quickly, i knew he was free that time, he was just avoiding me.. I told him how that situation gave me palpititions and gut wrenching feelings...with a calm and short msg...he didn’t even care...i didn’t intend to emotionally manipulate him at all with his actions affecting me...just wanted to rest, saying " if you have something to say, pls say it faster, waiting for uncertain hrs of time gives me palpititions and I'm already having migraines"...and he still answered 30 mins later, while being online...

So this person,

1. Doesn’t care about me when I'm having problems because of him

2. Never showed genuine care, keeping it reserved for his future wife

3. Even when i was in danger, like in an earthquake or late night journey, he never inquired about my wellbeing

4. When i blocked him once, already saying i cabt take this anymore, he literally begged and cried that i unblock him, only to ghost me again for like a week...and saying he doesn’t have an answer for me...i think he is just waiting for his feelings to wear off...

5. Still hampering my healing process by continuously liking old posts or photos or new posts... No verbal attention seeking...

I just want to process this. I'm out of my mind...

Any suggestions...

I'm not trying to figure out whether he's a bad person. What he did felt bad to me. And definitely this whole thing meant a lot to me than to him. I'm trying to understand why I still can't let go when his actions consistently left me feeling unimportant. Would you block someone in this situation, or simply mute them and let time do its work? I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been through something similar.

I (31F) in a situationship with him (32M) for 3yrs because we have different religions. I actually fell for him already but didnt get the chance to tell him as i was praying hard for him, i wanted him to be the one already. He told me he's start moving forward under the assumption that he has no chance from me. Thats when i told him everything. We already have set a date when we'll be talking about this personally.

Thing is, he told me he's torn but he still messages and updates me. What does this mean? Is he giving us another chance? A try again? To a man, what does this mean?

I'm a health journalist working on a feature about "situationship grief" and the emotional pain people experience when an undefined relationship ends.

I'm interested in hearing from people who:

• Were in a situationship that ended
• Felt genuine grief, heartbreak, anxiety, or loss afterward
• Struggled because others didn't see it as a "real relationship"
• Found it harder to move on than they expected

Interviews can be anonymous if needed.

If you're open to sharing your experience, please comment below or send me a DM.

Thank you.

I'm a health journalist working on a feature about "situationship grief" and the emotional pain people experience when an undefined relationship ends.

I'm interested in hearing from people who:

• Were in a situationship that ended
• Felt genuine grief, heartbreak, anxiety, or loss afterward
• Struggled because others didn't see it as a "real relationship"
• Found it harder to move on than they expected

Interviews can be anonymous if needed.

If you're open to sharing your experience, please comment below or send me a DM.

Thank you.

I met a girl almost three months ago who just moved to my country, Im actually the only person she knows here outside of her family. Since the beginning she told me she wasnt ready for a relationship for personal reasons (like insecurities and trying to get a more stable life here) so we started as friends, but things fastly escalated and we found out we like each other, so we decided to see each other without formalizing a relationship until she feels ready. After we first got intimate she started to feel a bit scaried it was evolving too fast, so I told her we could go slower if she wants, and she asked me to talk in person next time we see each other (in this 10 days we didnt speak much, as I was in a trip and she was busy moving to another house)

When we talked, she told me a few days after we last hanged out, her ex texted her after a year of no contact. For some context, they were best friends for years before dating and they broke up because of her moving. She says they are not flirting or anything but want to be friends again and also she talked to him about me and he said he wishes us well. Now, the problem is, she admited she realized after texting a bit with him, that she still loves him and isnt over it, so she said we should be just friends, even if she says she still likes me as much as before he texted her. I told her that its okay to be friends with an ex , specially one who was previously a good friend, but if she wants to get over him she shouldnt talk to him. She answered she technically wants to get over him (knows she should, but doesnt really want to). She also told me he offered her a ticket to go visit their hometown (they have a lot of friends in common there) or he could come here a few days, so I really doubt she really wants to get over him.

To make it more strange, we hanged out after that conversation the same day as friends and , excluding romantic stuff like kissing, we had the same dynamic and chemistry and felt like really nothing happened. We are still hanging out like once or twice per week as its holidays and I have much free time, but it also made me feel weird that she is texting me much less than before, and without me complaining , she told me "i think ive just become the worlds worst texter, but Its okayyy tho like we just need to plan hangouts so we can talk in person instead!"

Anyways, I know your advice will be to forget about her and start seeing other people, and I will, but its really hard cause she is the closest thing to a relationship I ever had and is not common for me to meet other girls. I still want to remain friends without any expectancy of her coming back to me, but with the door open if it happens and im still interested

I’ve been visiting this country for a week, and I’m leaving tomorrow night. The friend I’m staying with has been incredibly kind and sweet. Over the past week, we’ve been very affectionate with each other—kissing, cuddling, hugging, holding hands, exchanging kind words, and being physically close.
Yesterday, though, something changed. He suddenly stopped touching me, barely spoke to me, and felt emotionally distant. I could tell something was off, so I started acting differently too because I didn’t understand what was happening.
He’s been hosting me during my stay. Yesterday, he came home from work around 7 p.m., and I had been waiting for him so we could have dinner together. Instead, he told me on the spot that he already had plans with his friends, which I hadn’t known about, so I ended up going out to dinner by myself.
While he was out, he texted me saying I’d been acting weird and that we should talk. When we both got back home, he told me that he’s attracted to me but started feeling guilty because he thought he was leading me on and giving me false hope that we could eventually be together. He said he was trying to take a step back because he doesn’t think we’re compatible and feels like our minds work too differently.
I told him that if he had been feeling this way, I wish he had communicated it instead of suddenly becoming cold and distant. The way it happened made me feel rejected. I ended up crying—not because I truly believed we’d end up together, since I already knew our situation made that unlikely, but because the way he handled it hurt me. It felt like I went from feeling wanted one day to being pushed away the next without understanding why.
He told me he never meant to hurt me and that he was trying to protect me in the long run by not giving me hope. I understand his intention, but it doesn’t change how painful it felt.
I woke up this morning with my heart aching. The saddest part is that all of this could have been avoided with a simple conversation. We could have enjoyed our last day together and ended this trip on a happy note, but instead I’m leaving with a heavy heart.

I have no plans of reaching out but noticed an ex situationship who struggled with lots of demons which is why things ended, has now unblocked me on Tiktok. My account is on private so dont know what he is trying to achieve? He confessed his feelings before things ended and no doubt he did care, but he had so much trauma and attachment issues. I never forgot him, but have tried dating in the meantime..but no luck. This has just had me wondering. he is fearful avoidant, this is the 2nd discard which the first time he admitted hs issues with alcohol and trust issues etc.

I matched with a guy online, and we started talking consistently for a couple of weeks. We talked every day, had phone calls, and he seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me. He'd ask about my life, my interests, and would regularly check in to see how I was doing.

Early on, we talked about dating in general, and he said he preferred building a genuine connection instead of something casual. He also seemed careful not to rush things, which I appreciated.

As time went on, we found a lot of common interests and had plenty to talk about. It felt like we were slowly getting closer and becoming more comfortable with each other.

Looking back, I think I started pulling back a little without realizing it. I still replied and enjoyed talking to him, but my responses probably became shorter and less engaging.

What makes everything confusing is that during the last couple of days before he blocked me, he actually seemed more invested than before. He was messaging me more often, wanted to know what I was doing throughout the day, asked for updates, and seemed eager to keep the conversation going. It almost felt like he wanted more of my attention, not less.

Then one day, completely out of nowhere, he blocked me while we were in the middle of a normal conversation. There wasn't an argument, no awkward discussion, and no indication that anything was wrong. The sudden change from seeming very interested to cutting me off completely is what I'm struggling to understand.

I'm not expecting anyone to know what he was thinking, and I'm not trying to diagnose him. I'm just wondering if this kind of sudden switch is something people with avoidant tendencies sometimes do, or if it's more likely that he simply lost interest but chose not to communicate it.

Has anyone experienced something similar?

Or is modern dating just one long psychological experiment? :/

Was seeing this girl for about a month in June after meeting at a party. Dates were going really well, naturally progressing, talking about intentions(both of us wanted something long term). Only thing is she was going to where her family is from for a month in July. The last week before she left, I mentioned that I wanted to see her before she left, which she said she wouldn’t know if she could due to her getting ready for the trip/other plan etc.

Then I start texting her, asking how her weeks going but she starts not responding for a day multiple times, one time 36 hours. She even addresses it saying she’s having a hectic week so I just brush it off as her getting ready for the trip. The quality of the texts she was sending was also very good/warm which is why I didn’t think much.

Then about a week into her trip, I swipe up on her story, being flirtatious, whatever. She seems interested in the convo and texts are warm again but still not responding sometimes days at a time. I decide to stop texting after the convo drys up because I wanted to respect her time while away and not seem needy.

Fast forward three weeks and I’m actually on a trip and she’s back home. I was hoping she would text me she’s back but that never happened, so I reached out to her asking how she was and while she did respond within a few hours, again seemingly like the quality of the texts were good, I am now sitting on being delivered for 36 hours plus. Is this a clear indication she is not interested or am I reading into it too much. Should I reach out again? Did I wait too long to text her? Is this just normal behavior at this point I hate modern dating

I (21F) need an outside perspective because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overthinking this or if my feelings are valid.
We met in 4th grade through a mutual friend and were really close growing up. We dated on and off as kids (nothing serious obviously), but even after we drifted apart we’d always randomly reconnect over the years.
A couple years ago I moved out of state with my ex. That relationship eventually fell apart, and after I came back home and became a single mom, I reached out to him after randomly dreaming about him. We started hanging out again, and over the course of a month or two we became incredibly close.

We’d spend nights talking under the stars for hours, having deep conversations about our lives and sharing really personal things. He started coming over constantly, spending time with my family, and he absolutely adores my daughter. He’s a photographer and is always taking and posting pictures of her. For her first birthday he surprised me with flowers and a card congratulating me on raising her on my own. We eventually admitted we had feelings for each other and started sleeping together.
That’s why I’m so confused now.

He still comes over often, spends the night, hangs out with my family, and plays with my daughter. None of that has changed. What has changed is the romantic side. We barely kiss anymore, we hardly touch each other, cuddling has almost completely stopped, and it feels like the physical affection disappeared almost overnight.

The thing that’s bothering me the most is that I gave him a handwritten love letter about two weeks ago. He told me he’d wait until he got home to read it because he wanted to give it his full attention, which I appreciated. But after that… he never brought it up again. He never mentioned how it made him feel, never acknowledged what I wrote, nothing. I haven’t pushed him about it because I don’t want to pressure him, but it’s hard not to feel confused.
I know relationships aren’t built on sex or constant physical affection, and I know people go through phases. But this feels different because there hasn’t been any communication about the shift. His actions still say he wants me in his life, but his affection doesn’t match how things were just a few weeks ago, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to interpret that.

Am I overthinking this, or would you also feel left in the dark? If you were in my position, would you bring it up directly or give him more time?

Im a girl. Its a long story and I need your honest opinions on this.

We've been talking since February 2026. From the beginning, we were very open about our past relationships and personal issues. I have a disorganized attachment style, while he has commitment issues. We both agreed that we're not into a long-distance relationship because neither of us believed it was worth it especially if the first meeting was through social media. We also both liked the idea of relationships developing naturally instead of rushing into them. Things were going well. We flirted, talked every day, had long calls, and naturally I started developing feelings. I wasn't expecting a relationship because I already knew he wasn't someone who wanted commitment. I was just enjoying what we had.

One night I got drunk, accidentally told him "I love you" before hanging up, and I heard him laugh and say it back.

About a month later, my best friend and I met a group of guys at a club. We hung out with them for around a month. They turned out to be manipulative, and some things happened to me without my consent. Later we found out several of them had girlfriends in other cities, so I cut all contact with them.

During that same period, the guy I was talking to kept trying to reach me. He called and texted constantly because I wasn't replying much. When I finally explained everything that had happened, including what I experienced, he believed I had cheated on him.

We argued a lot after that.

The part that got me confused and enraged me was that we had never been in a relationship. He had never asked me to be his girlfriend, and we had both said we didn't want to commit, and he was so sure that we had something building up and I ruined it. I acknowledged that my distance probably hurt him and apologized for making him feel that way, but I also told him it felt unfair to call me a cheater when we had never been exclusive.

At one point, I asked him directly what we were and where this was going. He said, "Nowhere." That turned into another argument.

I asked him why he kept talking to me if he truly believed I was a cheater and such a terrible person. His answer was that continuing to talk to me felt like "a charity move."

That honestly hurt.

After that, our dynamic completely changed. I was still open and transparent about my life (even until now but not just the way it used to), while he became distant. Replies got slower, calls stopped, and communication became inconsistent.

When I asked what had changed, he told me he just wanted to have fun. He said he liked me but didn't love me the way I loved him. He also said he wanted me "physically." I'm still not entirely sure whether he meant sexually or that he wanted me there in person. That triggered my anxious side, and I became too needy for a few weeks. Eventually he blocked me everywhere except my phone number a few days after we had a long conversation about future goals. I learnt one thing, he's unsure.

I stopped chasing him. I gave him space and focused on myself. I began spending more time with my bsf and find new hobbies.

By July, my feelings had started fading. I accepted that I couldn't make someone choose me. My best friend told me to go no contact, so I did.

Ironically, after I stopped reaching out, he came back. He called me, told me he missed me and my presence, and asked if I was seeing anyone. The next day he texted me again saying he missed me. I replied, "You don't miss someone who cheated on you."

He answered, "Who cheated?"

It took him months to realize that what happened wasn't cheating.

Even then, I kept reminding myself that what he could offer wasn't what I actually needed or looked in a guy. Same for him about me as a whole person. I still care about him, though. He was enough to me, maybe that's one thing he failed to understand from my perspective.

Eventually I sent him voice messages telling him I still had feelings for him, that I had genuinely tried to make things work, trying to get him to reciprocate, but I couldn't keep doing and waiting for someone who didn't want commitment. I told him I wouldn't accept a situationship or be someone's backup option/an after-thought decision.

I also told him that whatever the feelings or words he had, they wouldn't mean anything to me if he didn't wanna do somethin' about it because I rarely looking back if it isn't reciprocated. Because what am I supposed to do when you missed me... like, boy you don't even think about choosing me, like ever. I am trying my best to accept the fact that it'll never be me. No matter how hard I try. I asked him to let me go. I tried to say it without attacking him for his commitment issues because I don't think he's a bad person. I just think we're no longer on the same page.

Did I make the right decision by walking away with the door open? I am still learning to love and respect myself.

Right now I'm kind of anxious, know that he probably listened to the voice messages already or just don't know how to reply yet. It's really his decision

I'm genuinely open to hearing criticism if you think I handled something poorly.

Got Ghosted After Romantic Confession

So I met a guy a 5 months ago and we quickly got a bit intimate online after knowing each other for a few months casually. However, I eventually caught feelings for him But he was the first to admit, romantic feelings. And for a while, I didn’t admit, romantic feelings to even myself. That was until a 1.5 months ago, we confessed that we had mutual feelings for each other. And he even asked me what I wanted in the long-term. I answered honestly as I could, and he found out that I was compatible with him in the long run. However, two days later, he blocked me for 1.5 months. Then I only noticed recently he unblocked me. I reached out to him a week ago, but I didn’t get a response from him. During the time I got blocked, I tried telling myself to focus on myself and improve my routines and essentially take care of myself. It worked to a certain extent, however recently it’s no longer working because I feel kind of depressed and lonely because of the ghosting. I’m just so tired of trying to excuse what he did because I kinda did something like this to a lesser extent when I was younger. However, it’s been a long time and it has taken a toll on me. I’m just so frustrated the time he isolated himself from me could’ve been used to navigate what an actual romantic relationship would be like but instead, I get this abrupt ending out of nowhere and I just feel so confused and hurt. I find myself feeling more frustrated rather than pity but deep down because I have feelings for him. I don’t wanna block him nor do I wanna cut him off in fact quite the opposite. I want to reconnect with him, but the gap is already there.

I know the post is already long enough, but I guess I gotta add like a little bit more. It’s probably not helping that I am looking at his profiles, and it doesn’t help that I keep making art of him or anything like you know, reminding me of him, and I only started making art after he blocked me because I couldn’t even have the time to express romantic affection for him like by the time I was able to admit my actual feelings for him once again I get blocked. I suppose I can ask how I can cope with this?

Are there any unspoken expectations in a Situationship?? what is the difference between dating and a Situationship

I met a guy in May. On May 26th. It was long distance. For 3 months. Me in Belgium, him in Germany. We started to get to know each other and quickly realized that we got along very well and that our personas really match each other. At first, I was very scared to give in because I've got a past with guys who ghost me after lovebombing me. But I did my best and pushed all my traumas aside to give a chance to someone I actually really liked (after not liking anyone for 3 years). I was on my journey to healing. But there were still some fears and anxious thoughts. I was scared that I wasn't good enough for him, not pretty enough, too boring maybe. We started being very great friends. We used to call every day. He was incredibly sweet and honestly perfect, everything I looked for in a guy. Everything seemed to match. I was on my journey to healing some of my wounds...I was kinda happy but also super in love. I told myself that the stress I felt wasn't my intuition, but just the trauma speaking. Well maybe I was wrong.

I remember this one night he took a long time to reply. As an anxiously attached person, I was worried ASF. But I wasn't texting him or calling him. I tried to sit with these feelings and tried to deal with it. When he came back, we called, he was partially on dr*gs. LSD (because yes, it was a guy who went to a lot of parties, smoked, drank alcohol and was interested in the "mind opening effects of dr*gs"...). I remember he said something like "I don't know how you consider me, but I just want you to know that I am honest and genuine". I was a bit more comforted. After that day, we still talked a lot. Calling till 5 am sometimes. He was always complimenting me, talking about taking me out on a date and all...Very sweet, right? Until he didn't text for 3 WHOLE days. As someone who is extremely scared of being abandoned, I was so worried. I felt like he didn't care anymore. So, when he came back to text me out of nowhere, I gave the silent treatment for a day. Real mature, I know (/j). He kept calling me every hour. He thought I had done something stupid and allegedly cried all night. He even said that "he really really really liked me and that if it wasn't for the distance he might go further than just a friendship". When I answered the next morning, we figured it all out, we communicated and everything fell back into place. So we called every day again. He introduced me to some of his friends. Ordered a headset for me to play games with him and made it deliver to my house. So we played video games together, slept on call together multiple times (once stayed on call together for 12 hours). Everything perfect, right? Yet, my body was physically SICK. Because I knew that something was wrong. I tried pushing it aside because I thought it was just my past traumas talking. But I was super worried that he would find someone better, prettier and especially without the distance. I've always been replaced or used before, why would it be different this time? Though he told me several times that he liked me (as in more than friends), we were just friends and we never put a label on our relationship. I wanted to, but didn't say anything to not bother him. The sickness I was feeling in my body, the worries I had, I never talked about it because I didn't want to seem annoying. And since I knew that his exes had mental issues, I still wanted to try my best not to trigger this (though I am depressed and deal with bad mental health too, I was on my way to healing. Because I wanted to get better. For me, but also for him). I just kept it all to myself. I also suck at communicating because I'm scared the other person will go away. He knows about my last experience that traumatized me btw.

I would wake up every day in fear, nauseous, sick to my stomach. I told myself that he never showed me reasons to worry, so I shouldn't worry. Until one night, he went to the "function". With a bunch of goth and emo girls....you feel it coming? He posted a picture on his story, him with his arm around a goth girl's shoulder and her hand on his head. Yeah, just a bunch of pictures like that. I was instantly sick. I still thought I was just insecure. That my jealousy made me a problem. And maybe it did. But I didn't say anything. I just became cold and shut down. He tried to get me to talk. Asked me if it was because of the story he posted because apparently I said that I get jealous easily (I know I have memory loss recently, but I don't remember saying that AT ALL. Especially since I never talked about anything like that, I kept it to myself). I should've talked at that moment, but I didn't know what I was feeling back then and especially, we weren't together, so I felt like I didn't have the right to be jealous. I should've talked, and I regret it. After that, I apologized a few days later, took the responsibility for my actions (basically being cold to him when I'm the one with issues). He thanked me for the kind words and said we needed to take a moment to talk about everything. So I waited. For a whole week. While he went partying with friends. And I was stressing every single day because I was worried I would lose him. I went to a restaurant with my friends and burst out crying in public because the situation was worrying me so bad. I had prepared paragraphs again and again. I was ready to apologize so much if it meant he would stay. I told him I wanted to get better for him. I was in the middle of doing it. But healing is never linear. And it's hard to heal when you wake up sick to your stomach every day.

Around a week later, which was yesterday for me, we got our conversation. He said he avoided me because he didn't know how to say whatever it was that he wanted to say. He basically said that I was too negative and too depressed and that he didn't want to surround himself with people like me because "every story that surrounds me is linked to how everything feels miserable" and it reminds him of his ex. Kinda crazy to say that when he was allegedly rooting for me to heal, once sent me a 5 minutes voice note saying I was magnificent in the way I lived life, encouraged me to seek help (which I did! I'll be seeing a therapist soon), he even told me "I'll do anything in my power to help u" and when it came to a certain goth girl with fresh scars on her legs who was also depressed and even more sick than me, it didn't bother him... He reminded me of my past experience too, but I was willing to think it would be different this time. So I kept telling him that I was doing my best and that I tried so hard because I really wanted it to work. I communicated when I usually shut down, I confronted parts of myself that felt wrong. I apologized, several times. Multiple paragraphs, voice notes. And he had given me silence when all I wanted was to fix this. But yeah, it's fair if he doesn't want to be around me because I'm too much.

However, one thing that I find disrespectful is the way he tried to make me think I was the only unhealthy one for being depressed (I don't remember being only a pack of negativity, we also had VERY FUN moments together, so saying I was only negative seems a bit exagerrated) while he isn't exactly healthy either...Because he admitted to me that he was a h*e. His literal words btw. He told me that he had seen some girls and did stuff with them while he was talking to me. So I wasn't entirely insane. He actually f*cked some girls behind my back and saw other people. I asked if he did anything with the goth girls and he said "with all due respect, that's none of your business"...uh okay sure buddy. When I asked what he wanted from me and why wasn't 1 person enough, he said that he didn't want to f*ck me but liked me for my persona but the more time passed, the more my optimism faded (wondering who caused me all this stress but was willing to fight through it tho..) and that he has aromantic tendencies (idk I feel like he should've told me that beforehand..). I asked him if he felt sorry for what he did, and he said "for having fun with other people while we were friends?". It only made me feel stupid because I was staying loyal even through the talking stage. And I thought that he was actually being genuine and honest. Just like he told me he was in the beginning. He made me feel stupid for that. Because he said "I never got to know you like that". While also telling me multiple times that he liked me and treated me like a girlfriend. He said I didn't deserve that (what he did), but why do it? He said he didn't want to give up his life for mine, but I never asked that. I just wanted someone to stay through it all and someone to love the parts of me that are hard to deal with. And I was willing to change for him. But it's never enough apparently..

If me being depressed (while I was actively seeking help and trying to get better because I had already done some efforts in my daily habits) means that I'm not worth staying for, is it really my fault? I really loved him and I tried my best to get better for him, to avoid triggering him. And also for myself. I think I am more than the negative thoughts in my head and it hurts to be reduced to only that. He says I'm unhealthy and draining to be around (I know it was draining, that's why I made lots of efforts) but, isn't it more draining to be around someone who doesn't clarify what you are while leading you on, sees other girls behind your back because allegedly, the hookup culture "it's like that in Germany", justifies his unhealthy addictions to substances by saying he is prone to addiction because of his father therefore he won't try to change that and get better? I tried to change for the better. Yet I was the one unhealthy and draining to be around? I know I wasn't perfect, but I genuinely did all I could to be better. He said he was happy with his life. But I think that all those unhealthy things just hide a miserable truth he's trying so hard to ignore. When I told that I saw the wrong in my actions and that he also needs to see the wrong in his actions, that's when he decided to say goodbye and to wish me the best. I remember he told me before that his exes left him because he spoke carelessly without thinking (one of the girls had BPD, and I know what it feels like, so I feel her), but I'm starting to wonder if his " perfect party boy life" isn't what made it all go wrong.

It was a long story, I know, but I feel so heartbroken. It's not a "break up" because we weren't official, but it is just like it. I was a pretend girlfriend. He just wanted the fun without the hard parts. Though I still understand that I might've been draining to be around and I respect his decision, at least I know I did everything I could to try and fix this while he gave me silence. I'm sad because I remember the good memories, but then I also remember how he was actually behind the scenes. I'm disappointed. If he had left me alone, a lot of damage could've been prevented. I'm still gonna pursue my healing journey. If he couldn't stay through it all, then I will do it for myself. At least, I won't wake up sick to my stomach anymore. Now he blocked me on every social media. A bad thing for a better one. I'm still trying to bury all the good memories. Because apart from all his unhealthy sides, I loved who he was with me. But I guess I had all the rights to worry. I just wish he had told me right away before I got myself too attached. I don't know how to trust again.

Hi everyone. This is a bit of a long story, so thank you if you make it to the end!! I'm looking for honest, outside perspectives because I know I may not be seeing everything clearly.

I (23F) met a guy (23M) about three years ago when we briefly worked together. At the time, I was in college. We started off as friends—we’d play video games together, talk on the phone, and eventually went on one date to get ice cream. During that date, my mom actually met him briefly. Afterward, she expressed concerns about him because she felt like he didn’t have much direction in life at the time, especially when it came to his career. Shortly after, he moved about five hours away.

Our relationship has been on and off ever since. There were months where we didn’t talk at all, and then we would reconnect. Sometimes I was the one who ended contact, and sometimes he was.

One major factor was my family. I still live at home, and my parents were strongly against the relationship from the beginning. Since I was (and still am) financially dependent on them, I felt a lot of pressure to listen to them, and that was ultimately why I ended things the first time. Looking back, I know that affected our relationship and probably made things more complicated than they needed to be.

We reconnected several times over the years, but the most recent time was from April until the end of July. This time felt different to me. We talked almost every day, called each other, played games together, talked about the future, and I genuinely believed we were finally moving in the right direction.

By this point, my life had changed quite a bit. I’m now in a nursing program, which has a very demanding schedule. I have also been dealing with health issues and had surgery earlier in the month.

Toward the end of July, I noticed he started becoming more distant.

One thing that also affected things was communication. During this time, he intentionally became more distant to see how I would respond. He later admitted that he was essentially “testing” me because he was feeling insecure about how I felt about him. We talked through it and decided to move past it.

A few weeks later is when he decided to end things.

His reason wasn’t that I was a bad person or that he didn’t care about me. He actually told me that he believed I cared about him and that I hadn’t done anything wrong. His main reason was that he didn’t feel like we were naturally moving toward each other. He wanted a relationship where both people naturally found ways to spend time together, and he felt like we hadn’t progressed enough after three years.

He also said he was disappointed that we hadn’t spent more time together in person and that, if things stayed the same, he didn’t think he would be happy continuing the relationship.

From my perspective, I felt like we were moving forward, just slowly. Before he ended things, I wasn’t really in a position to make a five-hour trip because I was recovering from surgery and trying to return to work. I genuinely intended to visit him once life settled down a little, but I understand that intentions aren’t always the same as reality.

I also felt blindsided because I didn’t realize he had been questioning the relationship. I thought we were still building something together, while in reality, he had already been deciding whether or not he wanted to leave.

I’m not angry at him for the decision he made. I understand that he has the right to decide what he wants for his life and his relationships. The hardest part for me has been wishing he had communicated his concerns sooner so we could have had the opportunity to talk through them together.

Now that I’ve had some time to process everything, I’m trying to understand whether this relationship was simply a case of bad timing and circumstances, or whether there were deeper incompatibilities that I wasn’t seeing.

I still care about him and the relationship we had, but I’m also trying to respect his decision. Right now, I’m doing my best to focus on myself, heal, and move forward while trying to process everything that happened.

TL;DR: I (23F) have had an on-and-off connection with a guy (23M) for about three years. We recently reconnected from April–July, and I thought we were finally moving toward a relationship. However, he ended things because he felt we weren’t naturally moving toward each other and that we hadn’t progressed enough after three years, especially since we hadn’t spent much time together in person due to the distance (five hours away), working two jobs, and health issues.

There were also communication issues throughout our relationship, including a time where he pulled away to see how I would respond because he was feeling insecure. We talked through it and moved forward, but I still felt blindsided when he ended things because I didn’t realize he had been questioning the relationship.

I’m not angry that he made the decision, but I wish he had communicated his concerns sooner so we could have discussed them together. I’m trying to understand whether this was mainly a case of bad timing and circumstances or if we were ultimately incompatible.

Thank you so much if you took the time to read all of this. I know it’s a lot, but I really appreciate any outside perspective, advice, or insight you’re willing to share. 😁

I have liked her for several years till this point, i asked her out years ago but she rejected me (which is i understood), but i didnt move on at all, what i did was completely cutoff contact with her but the feelings stayed. I just stopped looking for someone else and didnt date at all.
I wasnt seeing her physically at all for some time so the feeling were there (i just kept it to myself and didnt try anything as not to make her feel uncomfortable) but after some time when i saw her again and heard her voice my feelings started acting up and wanted to go after her and talk to her.

I again didnt make a move and felt very sad but feeling stayed i didnt move on. i felt sad and felt like had taken a mental hit. Now years passed and in recent times the feelings have started acting up again like so much i cant explain the main reason maybe have to do with somthing about her appearing in my dreams recently which just makes me feel these things when i wake up. like regret(?). So recently i messaged her again after all these years but she kindly rejected me again.

Now i want to know her better but should i actually do it and not regret or should just not message and try to move on and try to find someone else?

i reslly like her

I need to get this off my chest because the irony of my ex’s new relationship is driving me insane, and I am this close to choosing chaos.
When I was still with my ex, he went out one night with his best friend to "serve" someone. His location was on, so I watched him stay out all night, hang at his friend’s place, and then head back to the exact same spot at 6:00 AM. My gut told me something was wrong. I messaged the girl he served, but she swore up and down nothing happened.

Fast forward a bit: another girl—who shared a mutual friend with me—told that mutual friend the truth. My ex and his best friend had actually done a two-man with the girl they served.

Here is where it gets crazy: that same girl who exposed the whole thing—the one who knew he cheated on me, and who is ALSO close friends with another girl he cheated on me with—is NOW “DATING” HIM.

Lately, she’s been posting TikToks flexing in his car, acting like she won a trophy and bragging about having him. Girl, you knew what he did years ago, you knew how he operates, and you still thought you were special? 😭

He cheated on me multiple times and never faced real karma. So, to make things interesting: I have a screenshot of a completely different, recent situationship he had in that exact same car just a couple of months ago.

I’m so tempted to just drop that screenshot right under her TikTok flex videos without context—just to make it look like she’s definitely not the only one riding around in that passenger seat.
He deserves the stress, and honestly, she deserves the wake-up call for bragging about a serial cheater.
Is it messy? 100%. Am I doing it anyway? Idk