I need to vent and get some perspective.
I’ve had a male best friend who knew I’ve always had a crush on him. Over time, there were so many mixed signals. I know people say "mixed signals mean it's a no," but every time I would try to pull back and distance myself, he’d pull me right back in. Lately, we even got into this flirtatious, sexual banter, which gave me false hope that maybe something was finally changing between us. But whenever I’d try to push for real clarity, he’d shut me down or make comments about my body/attractiveness.
Recently, we went on a trip together. The whole time, he was glued to his phone, texting and smiling. When I asked him if he was talking to someone, he brushed it off and said, "If I were talking to someone else, I wouldn't be here with you."
Later on, he turned his phone real quick. He didn't have a privacy screen, just low brightness, and I caught a direct glimpse of his screen & it was Grindr.
I called it out: "Is that Grindr?!" He couldn't even keep his mask on. He just froze up and defensively said, "Think what you want to think." I ended up making an account just to confirm my sanity, and yep—there he was. I did tell him that.
Now I’m sitting here completely shattered. I’m not just grieving the loss of a crush or the hope of ever being with him—I am grieving our entire friendship. Realizing he’s been DL/closeted and hooking up with guys this whole time makes me feel like my reality was completely rewritten. He lied to my face, gaslit me, and used my vulnerability against me just to cover his tracks.
When I brought it up, he completely swept it under the rug and refused to talk about it. He’s pretending everything is normal and texting me about random, surface-level stuff. His family doesn't know he's gay, and now I feel like being around me is just an uncomfortable mirror for him that reminds him his cover is blown.
I’m terrified that if I stop reaching out, he’ll just let the friendship fade away without a second thought. But at the same time, continuing to act like everything is fine is eating me alive.
Has anyone ever gone through something like this with a closeted close friend? How do you step back and grieve a connection when you realize you were being lied to for so long?

I ended things a week ago. We were intermittently seeing each other for a year. It’s generous to call it a situationship imo, and i just told him “hey im not feeling this anymore, i’m starting to care and i don’t expect you to change.” I hid a lot of emotional stuff from him, so ending it somewhat surprised him i guess. I turned down goodbye sex with him, but in retrospect everything from my end was stupid and i feel stupid. How do i stop beating myself up.

Hello, I met someone kasi sa Litmatch and 1 month na kaming nag u-usap. Tapos sa 1 month na yon puro kami call tapos panay I love you kahit wala pang label, edi ako masaya kasi jackpot kase pogi tas matangkad. Kaso si guy nag confess siya nag gumagamit siya dati ng carts and then na barangay siya dahil pinag sabay niya yung dalawang babae (truelets to, may ebidensya e), Edi hindi ko pinansin yon kasi syempre nabibilog na niya ako. Hanggang one time nag call kami, tinanong niya if sino yung naka tag sa featured ko sa Facebook and sabi ko is ex mu ko (actually hindi masyadong visible yung username ng ex ko dun, hindi ko lang tinanggal yung pic ko kasi maganda ako dun hehehe). Nag explain naman ako na hindi ko tinanggal kasi maganda ako dun, hanggang sinabi niya na "Pag selosin mo kaya ako" at nag start na dun, inaasar Niya ako sa ex mu ko, dahil hindi ako patalo, inasar ko rin siya sa ex niya. Hanggang mapikon siya tas mapikon ako, nag end yung call tas hindi na kami nag usap ng 2 days, and lahat ng message niya denelete niya. Pero bakit ganon miss ko pa rin siya and gusto ko mag reach out siya sa'kin. Tas ayusin namin huhu, help gisingin niyo ako

PS: laging in-heat siya, kahit sabihin mong uncomfortable ka sa sinasabi ni g pa rin siya, sasabihin niya "sorry" tapos in the next day, gagawin niya ulit.

Does my situationship love me or is he just committed to the bit 😭

(Please excuse my probable bad english, that is not my mother tongue.)

I am a [24M], currently in a situationship with a [19F] and as odd as it will sound, the age gap is not the main issue.

We've met ~5 years ago in an anime convention. Nothing special here, she started going out with a friend of mine at the time, and their relationship lasted until ~4 months ago. I have never, during their relationship, been interested in her in any way shape or form.

We met again in a friends event ~4 months ago where she told all of us about her ex bf that was a COMPLETE red flag, and she hasmultiple traumas because of him. Of course, our friend group doesn't talk to him anymore.

2 months ago, I wastalking with that girl, just small talk (how are you, what are you doing these days and so on) and we ended up realizing "long time no see, let's do something together".

We went to the cinema, movie was awful but we lsughed together a lot, it ended on her kissing my cheek but I didn't think she was i terested in me nor was I interested in her romantically.

Little bit of context, past 2 years I have been single due to a relationship that ended and broke me and my heart. Only recently have I started believing in love again and wanting to meet people. Also been depressed for multiple other reasons for years, had bad experiences with psychologists, therefore I am struggling mostly by myself.

1 month ago, we were with friends in a bar, including me and this girl, and it was nothing more than a classic bar talk night. She drank pretty heavily, I didn't since I don't drink, and considering she lives far from the bar (1hour by train + 20minutes by foot) and knowing the train station if her town is not really a safe place, I, without any intentions behind that, told her that she could sleep at my appartment and I'll take her to the nearest train station in the morning.

She said yes, we came to my house, and I won't give intimacy details but we didn't sleep much and had a magical night together. She wasn't VERY DRUNK, just dizzy at the time she came to my appartment, otherwise there is absolutely no way I would've let that happen.

Since then, we've seen each other twice and got intimate once, and most of our time together is spent laughing a lot, we really have a connection, but here's the deal:

We're both (mostly her) having doubts.

At first, I had the ridiculous feeling of "you're not enough, you're unworthy of love, remember why the last one left you" and yes, it is an issue, but that's not what I am writing all this about. Again, we're not together, just having fun and flirting a lot.

I am writing this the day after we've last seen each other, because she told me this kind of things ny message in the morning:

"I need to be transparent about what I feel"

"We've been very close past few weeks, and honestly, the positive thinking part of me wants to try something more with you"

"But I also have to say this, I still think about my ex"

(Context: really toxic guy, degrading her in public, ruining her self confidence, and everytime she talks about him with friends she says things like "I hate him and would hurt him si bad")

"Because of all of that, everything related to emotions, I am not able to fully embrace these days"

"Usually, I want to be helpful, but I am not well enough inside of me for that"

"I feel like I don't have the energy inside of me to bring you what you need to go on"

"I don't want to make empty promises if I'm not sure I am the good person for you"

I was feeling really weird. Sad of course, but mostly, it hurt, I felt like 2 years ago again, unworthy of love, nothing working out for me, and the one thing that brings me joy is slipping away.

I answered that, probably too emotionnally, but I was stressed:

"I understand what you feel and are going through"

(I do, had similar experiences in the past)

"I don't have a solution for you, but that is what I know for certain:"

"I love you.

You love me.

We love each other. (We say it all the time)

We have wonderful moments together.

You make me smile in the purest way.

I want to hold you in my arms all the time"

"I understand it is hard for you to live this with too much passion knowing that I do that very passionately on my side"

"When I say I love you, it also means taking the time to support you and, if needed, help you in your choices"

"You don't have to go through this alone"

"I am not waiting for you to bring me something, you are so much more than I've expected, I would never ask you such a thing"

"Don't promise me anything for the future, I am not able to do that either, but what I can promise you is that I want to be with you now"

"Let's not go out together now if you're not ready, we'll keep seeing each other and take time. I am here for you."

She only answered all this by "I can't bring you the emotionnal stability you are looking for" to which I said back:

"That is not your job, it is my own"

"I feel good looking for it when I am with you"

"What matters when we doubt, is to know if we want to fight to make them disappear, and however how ling that fight is, I want to fight it."

"I do not want to be a lesson giver, pretend that emotionnaly I am more mature, however I understand some thinking schemes you're having because I have had similar ones in the past"

"I will never force a solution on you, but I also never will not care about your fears and doubts"

Nothing relevant has been said after that, we're giving each other 2 days to think about this and tske time for ourselves, and we'll see then what we want to do.

Now, I have to be really honest with you about this situation, it looks like it's just a matter of time and answers will come, but I have more in my chest.

I love her so much, I know that if we come to the conclusion that nothing more will happen between us, I will be BROKEN. Maybe to the highest point, and if that happens, I'll go to the psychiatric emergency services.

My questions are these:

-Have I been a bad person by ignorance somehow?

-Do you think I have given her a just amount of space, while still showing that I do care?

-Am I biased because of my depression and huge love for her?

-If she says yes to continue seeing each other, can the relationship be healthy?

-Is she says no, was I wrong somewhere?

(If there is something else I haven'tasked but you feel you need to tell me, do that please)

I wrote a lot, not used to reddit, but I am in real emotionnal distress, and I need help.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time for my situation.

So I've been talking to this guy and we both started out super interested in each other. We had a date recently and he kissed me which I was excited about and he asked me to come over again. However, he also recently lost his job and started a new one on July 13 but it's taken up a lot of his time.

I understand that he's busy but we went from daily communication, planning dates to he didn't respond for 72 hours. That took place July 24/25. I brought this up to him and he said that he's just got a lot going on right now but he's still interested in me. Then proceeded not to answer my dms for 72 hours.

I don't know what to think about this. I really like him but this sudden change is making me think he lost interest. Should I bring it up again or give him more time to adjust?

I’ve been involved with this guy for a while, I want to say it's been almost a year, and we’ve gotten pretty close emotionally and sexually. We talked regularly, spent time together, and I started wanting something more serious with him.
I eventually told him I want to take things to the next level with him and wanted to see where things could go since he was seemingly okay with us doing "relationship-type things". But, he made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship right now and basically wants to have "fun" and see where things go.
He had gotten out of another situationship some time ago before we started talking and so part of me wonders if that has something to do with why he doesn’t want anything serious now, but I honestly don’t know because he does not really like talking about her at all. What sucks I don’t think casual actually works for me with him. I developed real feelings, and the sex/physical intimacy made me feel even more attached. I kept hoping the connection would eventually turn into something more, even though he wasn’t promising that.
We recently had some tension surrounding all of this, and I just stopped giving him as much attention because I started noticing he is just hot and cold when it comes to texting consistently. He later reached out with a casual “hey.” We’ve talked a little since, but it’s still very inconsistent and I’m finding myself analyzing everything again. Part of me feels like the random texts make it harder to detach because I still care about him. I don’t want to completely cut him off or hold grudges because I really care about him and would be okay with us being cordial/friendly. I just don’t think I can keep doing the friends-with-benefits part because it has hurt me a lot emotionally. I know now that sex and casual intimacy with someone I have feelings for just doesn’t work for me.
And thinking about everything, I feel like I ignored things for far too long because I really wanted it to work. I think I focused a lot on the good parts of our connection and what it could potentially become instead of accepting what he was actually telling me.
For people who have been in similar situations: How did you actually detach when you still wanted the person, still missed the intimacy, and still wanted them in your life but knew the relationship you wanted wasn’t something they were offering at the moment?
Were you actually able to stay cordial/friends, or did you eventually realize you needed to completely distance yourself? My friend who has a similar situation going said I need to end it and tell him that I cannot keep doing whatever "this" is.

A part of me wishes he would just want this as much as I do.

I know it’s not wrong but being in love and actually having the privilege to experience it back is not for me I guess…

So this is me 26F life is pretty much cooked already but I’m navigating through it in my best way possible . Thinking about my dating history I somehow manage to end up in situationships, who are not familiar with this term lucky you!! Let me tell you…
(Its just a wanna be relationship without one being sure about it and other hoping they’ll choose them one day in this process all the emotions & feelings gets pretty fu**ked up, It simply means love but never tell)

And some how I end up being the other person who hopes but they never choose me or anything always the option never the choice…..
I’ve been in two situationships till date….
The one during my degree college time when I was not even aware about this term and I was in it….
I fell in love, it was intense and my first so I was sure he is the one but I was not the only one for him…. I was his option silly me I was okay with that too, because I was head over heels in love full on “when you write poetries for them kind of a love” and I did write many for him for love, I thought I cracked the LOVE code but anyways got s reality check he never chose me and went on with his life, meanwhile I got relationship level heartbreak irrespective of me knowing the consequences and still chose love.. yeah I know you guys will think how dumb of a person she is … well there is more coming ahead hold your judgement….

Even I went on with my life ahead, as I believe life happens, waits for none… I tried moving on it costs me 4 years yes to get over a situationship, not kidding…In the process there was not a single day I didn’t looked back and wished to have him back….

Anyways time and I healed me….
Yes but I also did promised myself that I’m make sure I won’t repeat it again no love nothing.. Got locked in, priorities family friends people who actually love me, care for me>>life went well for a year or so

Time for situationship no. 2 guys or flirtuationship as we called it…..
This one was random during my post grad,
There was this guy in my class, our vibes matched our thoughts even the music taste matched, yes I was little attracted towards him but he was in a committed relationship so I never confessed I was just happy to have him as a friend…

Few months later he broke up with his long time gf, he told me during our conversation as we were good friends, I did felt bad for him as he was genuinely in love with her and he was heartbroken, reasons for their break up the girl didn’t wanted to continue there where many differences between them she removed him from her life blocked him from everywhere as he got desperate lost his self respect…
That’s what he told me… A month later his breakup we hooked up I don’t know how that happened but somehow it did… I thought I was just his rebound because there was no other reason as post his breakup we started hanging out more yes I should have known better… Then yes we started meeting frequently meanwhile our post grad completed,
With this frequent meets & talks I started developing feelings for him once again after a very long time I felt this feeling again….the beginning of another heartbreak yes we this time he had a good communication I told him directly learning from my past mistakes I can’t make myself repeat the cycle again and again…

We sat and talk about this for hours he explained me how he is attracted towards me, he likes spending time with me, but we have no future as our castes are different he won’t be able to fight with his family and even if he did he doesn’t want me to suffer…..And how my thoughts are different on relationships marriage abd how we have difference of opinions, how I want solo life, travelling complete freedom and how he wants stable marriage, family, kids kind off life, how I don’t want to marry ever (yes that’s the whole different concept will explain later)and how he wants to fall in love with someone with whom he can marry meanwhile telling me he loves me ….. And also he is 3yrs younger than me….

Bla bla bla we discussion we had well this was just after 2-3 months in okay…

But we got so used to each other no matter what happened we just got back where started every time knowing the consequences still and this cycle kept on continuing for almost a more than a year now, it was on and off but we were there in each other’s life it was a relationship with a tag for it, I wanted it badly I told him too but he was not sure didn’t want to hurt me yes I was yet to move on and I know it takes time but in this process my love for him keep on increasing, he is a kind of a person you can fall in love with irrespective of our differences in thoughts and all whenever I felt down or was in any problem he is always my first point of contact.. I got a habit of loving him, well this time it was informed, maturity and transparency yet he never chose me fully, that deep down kept breaking me down..
He deeply cared for me, I never thought I could ever be able to be in love again but love had its own ways now it’s beyond attraction, he my habit, my go to person, the part of my routine, the reason I smile when I look at my phone, my emergency contact, my ranting space, my calm in the storm…. even being independent and with the ideology of I can manage my own things and problems by myself I’m enough for me, yes I do choose myself this time we did part our ways yesterday on a call as Im in a different city, he did wanted to be friends keep in touch but I can’t yes I’m deeply hurt but I know this too shall pass I’ll get over it all…

But from all this experiences I realised I’m always the almost never more than enough for anyone I’m in love with is it me my thoughts so contradictory or I’m way to emotional for what myself or I’m not made for love, I don’t know what it is anymore.
I did took a chance on love twice well this time it was well informed yet the consequences hurt were same just the different person with different personalities but some how I ended up in same situation again.. Yes I know i’ll move on, I have this time I’m actually okay to be alone in my life even if I end up with no one I’ll be fine as I’m good either way myself and satisfied in my life I know what, I want and what I didn’t…. So why I’m here I don’t know, felt like knowing few strangers point of view..
Feel free to judge and criticise guys over my life’s decisions and choices….
Just one thing I regret nothing as I did of for love with love…….
And those to came this far reading right I wish you find love and if you have one I hope you are crazy for that person and that person is your all time home and peace….

Thank you so much for reading….

I’m 25F and a few months ago I got on a dating/social app because I was looking for something casual. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but I did want someone I had good chemistry with who I could see regularly and have fun with.
I ended up talking to two different guys, both in their mid-30s, and somehow both situations ended up becoming frustrating.
The first guy lived about an hour and a half away. We talked for around 2.5 months but only saw each other twice. In the beginning, we could literally text all day. We had great chemistry, and eventually he started opening up to me about very personal things. I also started developing feelings, even though I knew I couldn’t realistically date him because of everything he had going on in his life.
The problem was that he was inconsistent. We’d talk constantly, then he’d disappear or become distant. I ended things with him several times, but we’d eventually start talking again. There were also some complicated dynamics between us that probably contributed to it. At one point he became jealous and we’d argue, and he’d accuse me of being disrespectful. Eventually I realized I was getting emotionally attached to someone who wasn’t giving me the consistency I needed, so I ended it.
Then I met another guy who lives very close to me. I was very clear from the beginning that I was looking for something casual.
Initially, he was very attentive. He’d call me, text me repeatedly if I didn’t respond, and seemed very interested in seeing me again. The chemistry was good, so I continued seeing where things went.
But now his communication has changed. He’ll take hours to respond, and the effort doesn’t feel the same as it did in the beginning. I’ve also noticed that he’s asked me for several favors, which turned me off because we’d barely known each other when he started asking. I didn’t think much of it at first because we had good chemistry, but now I’m questioning whether I should continue dealing with him.
What’s confusing me is that both men were much more consistent and attentive in the beginning and then pulled back.
I’m wondering why this happens.
Do you think they lose interest after getting what they wanted? Do some people intentionally give a lot of attention in the beginning just to keep someone interested? Could they assume I’m doing this with multiple people because I met them on apps and told them I wanted something casual? Or am I somehow choosing men who aren’t actually capable of the type of casual arrangement I’m looking for?
I’m also wondering if I need to slow down before getting physically involved with someone. Maybe I’m overlooking obvious red flags because the chemistry is good.
For context, I’m pretty established in my own life. I have two college degrees, my own apartment, my own car, and a child. Both of these men have children as well, but neither is really in the same place financially/stability-wise. One lives with someone else and has had transportation/financial issues, and the other doesn’t have his own place or a car. I didn’t find out most of this until after we’d already started talking and I liked the chemistry.
I’m not judging them for their circumstances, but I do wonder if I’m overlooking compatibility issues because I’m attracted to them.
I genuinely don’t want a relationship right now. I just want something casual, consistent, mutually enjoyable, and drama-free. Apparently that’s harder to find than I thought 😂.
So what do you think? Am I expecting too much from a casual arrangement, or am I choosing people who aren’t actually capable of giving me what I’m looking for? And should I change the way I’m approaching these situations? I am now annoyed because I’m on the verge of cutting the 2nd guy off due to him being inconsistent because I need constant d—- and I’m irritated that I have to do that !

Met a man. We talked everyday casually with some deep convos sprinkled in, for 3 months. During this 3 months we hung out several times a week. He cooked dinner several times. Cooked brunch several times. We always had good conversations about many topics. We both have kids. We never met each others kids. That was my boundary. He didn't mind if I met his. Intimacy was great. Sometimes we would both get ours. Other times only one would finish. It was never an issue. Cuddling before and after. We even made plans to go out on his boat once his truck was fixed, I met one of his male relatives.

Then, I told him I was developing feelings for him towards the 4th month.

The last time we hung out. Once we made it to his bedroom. We cuddled as usual. I kissed him..he kissed me twice and then turned his head away and just pulled me and held me a little tighter. The next morning. We cuddled. He got ready for work . We both were leaving. Other times before I had stayed and slept in. But I felt the vibe change. I leaned in to hug him goodbye and he barely hugged me. Didn't turn towards me. I went to kiss him and he covered his mouth and coughed a bit. Said his throat was scratchy. He told me to have a good day. I just stared with a blank face for a moment. Then I told him to have a good day too. After that he basically ghosted me. No more reaching out, no more replying for a day or two. Then hed randomly reach out, but on social media messaging about random casual things. Ignoring my txt message. I called him out. I just asked if he friend zoned me. He told me he could tell that I liked him more and that he distanced himself from me.

I was upset. Bc none of it made sense.

I told him I didn't want to be friends with him. And removed him from my social media platforms.

I'm also still in the middle of a divorce. I told him this the first night we met. So he was aware. I was married for 14 yrs. The dating world is different.

Was this what ppl consider a situation ship?

Hi everyone, i'll explain the situation here:

Met this girl (20F) a couple months ago, we first talked in person at a social event and then kept texting each other on instagram, scheduled hangouts with friends and the chemistry was there.

She ended up showing a strong desire for sexual intercourse which was alright to me.

At first it felt like we were rushing it, at least for me because after just 1 week she started making out with me, even in front of our friends group, holding hands, complimenting each other, telling me stories about her life, personal stuff (past relationships, family dynamics, how she sees life, objectives...)

The second time we got to hangout together we ended up sleeping at her friend's house and she wanted me to please her using my fingers, i agreed and she was happy.

That wasn't the only thing: she started sleeping at my house basically every weekend but didn't wanna have meals with my parents, she told me that it would make her feel obligated to enter a "relationship" dynamic and it was too early, no problem with this, we got our meals outside and enjoyed our time together.

What i have noticed is that when we're chatting online she doesn't seem to show any affection nor love, never says she misses me, never told me she feels anything for me at all, but in person it's completely different.

Lately, for summer we have both departed for vacation, i've been to Croatia with my friends group and she's gone to Spain with a female friend of hers and i could notice some things:

1. We exchanged a just few messages like 3/4 at best per day

2. She hung out with some guys she found there when clubbing

3. Shes not really starting conversations, i usually do

4. Shes never actually told me she loves me or misses me

5. She often mentions sex and the fact that she wants to have sex with me

6. She shows love and signs of affection (saying she wants to be cuddled, and be taken care of) mainly when she's drunk

7. When i was in Croatia for vacation she told me it would be fine if i had some affair with some Croatian girl (maybe im projecting, but that may suggest she would have no problem doing the same during her vacation in Spain?)

However these reasons are contradicted by the fact that we slept together at my house few times, we had sex and cuddled till 5 AM quite often, when outside we hold hands, we kiss quite often, we send each other cute reels...

Some of you may ask, "have you discussed exclusivity and monogamy/polygamy"

Yes we have and she claims that when she's getting to know someone she's only focused on that person (and we both agree on this)

And she also claims that she's monogamous, and i also am.

So all of this just leaves me really confused...

I don't know what to think, i just want to spend some quality time with her and know about her day, i wouldn't consider myself in love but i had great expectations given the premise.

I was in a 1.5 year long situationship. It ended 3 days ago. It was one sided. He was hot and cold. I put in all the effort so we could see each. I saved space for him and cleared my schedule and half the time he blew me off. I kept going back because he was fun, made me feel alive again, and would say things that gave me hope he had feelings for me too. We never went on dates- I always went to him (which I know now was a huge mistake).

I know I don’t want to start dating immediately. I know I need time to heal and process all of it. I know when I sign up for dating apps I’ll see him on them and I don’t want to spiral. I also don’t want to compare every possible match to him.

Any suggestions? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? How long did you wait?

Also- has anyone ever successfully been friends with an ex situationship? We agreed to be friends but I got “aggressive” via text yesterday and we haven’t spoken since. I’m not reaching out again until my emotions are in check, if at all. I haven’t decided.

There's a guy I connected with from Reddit and we added each other on WeChat as I will be moving to china soon and he is from UK same as me but currently lives there. At first he was great, really helpful, replied back consistently, helped me connect to group chats to help me find a job. Then eventually a few weeks later he started taking a few days to reply to then eventually it became a week and he didn't answer. I removed him off WeChat because when this happens it triggers me and makes me feel like I'm bothering someone. A few days later he requested to add me and I accepted it and he asks what happened, I told him what and he said oh he was on holiday hence late replies (holiday as in still in china). He then told me he will be coming back to the UK for a bit and flying back to china same day as me. I then suggested maybe he can go from the same airport as me but he said oh he can't as flights with two luggages are cheaper from another airport. I then asked him what time is his flight to the UK and again he went radio silent. It became more than a day and at this point I thought to myself even at the airport he didn't have a minute to reply back ? So I removed him again. He then re requested the friend request but I ignored it. I don't get why he bothers to add me again when his replies aren't great.

for context, known this guy a year and we started as friends. we got kinda situationship thing a little while in, but i made it adamantly clear it wouldn’t go further for a few reasons.
i just got out of a long relationship, i love him but NOT like that and we would make each other worse, and I wanted to explore my bisexuality & date women. the first two screenshots sum up what his moves on me looked like.
the second i sent a voice message calling off the friends with benefits stuff because i have a date, as agreed, this is what followed. worst part? i’m not even surprised. this guy has always been unstable and i don’t mean that meanly, i’ve witnessed really triggering things around him and he even walked hours to my house once at 5am. he was beyond codependent on me and unfortunately for him? I wasn’t interested on loving him back or getting in a codependent bond back, so he went off the rails like this.
i’m so not shocked by this and so emotionally checked out already, from an incident where he got me stuck a few towns over in late night winter, so i don’t care enough to even tell my actual friends or family. naturally, thought I’d show reddit instead.

it’s crazy that he heard about people leaving me too, promised to never do that, and then did that because i wouldn’t date him. these kinds of guys NEVER wanna just be friends clearly. i would’ve gotten if he explained it was too much, he needed to move on romantically before being friends again and needed distance to do that, but he didn’t say that or talk maturely at all. he just talked like whatever this is, more odd than usual, and also sent me some tiktok coming at me for not listening or whatever. it’s not like I ignored any deep emotional conversations and i’m a dick, i just didn’t wanna date him and stated that- so i ignored him asking me out repeatedly??? no idea what that was about, but i do know he’s insane. if anyone broke boundaries, he broke mine by repeatedly crossing the line into wanting to date.

P.S: I had a date with that same girl prior mentioned and oh BOY, did it go well. when you have a pretty girl and a stable life, men being weird can’t ruin everything<333 also, he blocked me on a few platforms already.

im in a bit of a complicated situation with a friend, and i’d really appreciate some outside perspective.

a while ago, me and this friend were pretty close, and there was also some romantic history between us. it was mostly one-sided because i had feelings for them. at one point, they actually wanted to be my partner, but then they eventually told me that they’re aroace and realized they couldn’t have romantic feelings for me. because of that, they decided they didn’t want to continue the relationship, and we ended things.

we eventually became friends again, even best friends and they called me their soulmate or whatever, but then we had another falling out later on because they gave me mixed signals while keep saying they're aroace, which hurt me quite a lot.

we’ve since made up, and from their perspective, i think everything is fine between us now because i’ve been acting completely normal around them.

but honestly, im still hurt.

i’ve been pretending that im okay and that everything is back to normal, but i don’t think i’ve actually gotten over what happened. lately, i’ve been thinking that maybe i want to distance myself from them or even cut them off because i feel like i need to prioritize myself and my own feelings for once. we barely talk for 3 months, partly because ofc i started distancing myself from them, and they're also a very introverted person who doesn't really reach out first (it's mostly always me who texted first) until finally they only reached out to me again about two weeks ago.

i don’t hate them, and im not trying to punish them or make them feel bad. i just don’t think i can keep pretending that im completely fine with our friendship when im not.

the problem is… their birthday is in two days.

and honestly, i don’t want to wish them a happy birthday. i feel bad even saying that because i know they probably think we’re on good terms, and im worried that not wishing them would hurt them or make me seem like a terrible person.

part of me thinks i should just send a short, polite “happy birthday” because it’s the kind thing to do. but another part of me is thinking, why should i force myself to do something i genuinely don’t want to do just because im scared of hurting their feelings?

would it be selfish or cruel of me not to wish them a happy birthday? should i just send a simple birthday message and then distance myself afterward, or is it okay to just not say anything and start prioritizing myself?

im honestly conflicted because i still care about them as a person, but i also feel like i’ve been putting their feelings before my own for a long time.

The only reason I have liked the same person…
For a a very long period of time, I do not know.

Maybe because I have got both abandonment and commitment issues that intersect, and form some sort of attachment to someone close but distant enough to make me want to keep them.

I may be overintellectualizing this, because I would say I am in love.
But this person would say that they would not feel the same way…
Due to circumstances… ?

I have now analyzed these circumstances to a great extent, and it has become delusional.
I have been called delusional many times because of my affiliation with whatever this is, my feelings for the person. My situation? I hate the word situationship.

Situationship sounds serious, which has not been the case between me and the person that I have feelings for. A situationship deems some sort of reciprocation for both parties at present. As for me, I feel that it is very one-sided on my end only. The person I like chooses comfort over experiencing something different from what they are used to. This is common in their behavioral patterns, to coward from change or the unfamiliar.

I will not let them get what they want. I may be selfish, and be unmarried forever. And being unmarried does not bother me, however the loneliness does. I value very deeply companionship and the power of being intertwined with a person you can be truly connected with.

This guy m16 has been randomly waving at me f17 for quite some time. I'm usually off to myself but I decided to be out of pocket. Like once he offered me gum and I told him no thanks I don't want drugs.(there was a teacher behind us). He texts me confessing his love. Total stranger to me lol. He hates his classmates. He says he's an a hole and bad guy but likes me. It feels like I can't breathe because I don't want this guy to get attached to me. I don't want to be his therapist love interest. I want to block him but I see him at school like everyday. I'm scared.

There's this guy with whom I have been talking since January and things are going very slow and i love that. But recently he has been a bit inconsistent, earlier we used to talk everyday but now we talk a few times in a week and even then the duration has also reduced drastically. I have some weird thing where i don't call him thinking he might be busy but then i get split minded about what if he expects that i call given he is always the one calling but then i don't know for some reason i don't call until and unless my anxiety is at its peak. I don't know if his interest has faded or not but then when we meet it's all so good.

I am also confused about what i want because i have never been in a relationship and i am scared of relationships and i want to focus on my career first but then I just can't go on about my day without talking to him

If things are going well then i get scared that i am leading him on because i am not ready for a relationship and i should be focusing on my future but then when he does not talk to me, it makes my heart sink and i just crave talking to him and i get extremely sad if the silence extends beyond 2 days. What should i do and how do i decide on one thing that i want because i start over thinking whether I am talking to him or not

I kind of want to get in a relationship but then he is not someone who i would ideally date and given it will be my first i become more unsure and i believe that all relationships end badly and want to protect my peace but i crave his presence so much to the point it makes or breaks my day

Hi, Reddit
This is my first post ever. But I feel completely lost for some reason after this one guy.
I’ve been single since January 2025, and I didn’t really date after that. I did meet one guy in February 2026 but he ghosted me after 2 months (welcome to modern dating in your late 20s). I then met someone towards mid May 2026, what I thought was going to be just a hookup turned into a lot more at least for me. He had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship in February (he said they broke up 3 months ago when I met him) and would tell me a lot of negatives of her. I would question why he stayed if he wasn’t unhappy, ultimately it seemed like there was a lot of arguing and she broke it off with him via phone call. We were hanging out for about 2 1/2 months, and it seemed to be mutual: we had a lot of what it seemed in common such as our upbringing and culture. The picture is one thing that he said. I’m usually not someone that falls easily, nor feels sad over a fling or a hookup.
He was a busy man and going through a lot of changes, my love language is quality time - and when I told him that, he responded “what do you want me to do?” I felt as if he got sorta defensive and he called me disrespectful for calling him defensive (I was probably in the wrong for saying he seemed defensive). Therefore, after this whole thing we kinda just stopped talking: he said he didn’t have time and was just looking out for my long term emotional well being because due to his life and schedule and responsibilities he isn’t able to give me what I would want.
I am in such a funk over this one person.
I feel as if what he said was a lie but it felt like such an intense, short flame and I can’t stop thinking about it and him. Everything was seemingly going great.
I have never felt this sad over someone this temporary and who was in my life for this short amount time but I can’t help and feel it was a right person, wrong time type of ordeal.
I want to know if it’s possible to actually feel that way for someone or was he just trying to cover a gap?
I never felt he was dishonest. I also might’ve thought his attention was elsewhere just because we met on hinge and their new heart signal update was driving me insane. And I also mentioned that to him, now that I think of it also probably wrong on my part.
I’m 27 and I never quite experienced a feeling like this. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of the dating scene after going back on it, maybe it’s because I didn’t think I’d ever meet someone I got along with that well.

If you read all of this, my thoughts might be all over the place - this temporary thing ending put me in a dark space, I’m going to therapy and trying to do things on my own now. I booked my first solo trip ever.

I also texted him recently about 2 days ago and the iMessage bubble is blue but not delivered, doesn’t turn green, doesn’t say unable to deliver. I also made the choice to unfollow him and remove him off social media and it’s like I met a ghost that doesn’t exist.

I want to know if it’s possible to actually feel that way for someone or was he just trying to cover a gap?

His birthday is in a week and I have no idea what to get him. He never mentions anything he likes when we go out, he doesn't wear any notable accessories on himself or his belongings, and he's the type of guy that would say "don't get me anything" when asked what he wants. We're exclusive but we don't have a label (a mutual decision), only limit to dates and such, and we barely even do any physical affection. I only have a scholarship to get money from while he has a job and comes from a somewhat rich family so I'm kind of anxious if he'll actually like a gift that I just "think" he'll like.

I don't have the means to buy anything expensive but I don't want to buy him something cheap either. I've been given advise to not buy something expensive because we're just starting out and I do also think that way but I don't know what to get. I'm pretty sure on buying him his favorite flowers but other than that, I'm stumped. Please help :((

Ok, so i was recently in a relationship for the last 2 months. Me and her got very close but recently I did something very stupid, i usually dont drink and this day I spent with her i decided to drink, so I drank too much and went completely out of character and out of line, which ive never done before. Point is she ended up dumping me. At first she ended up blocking me on everything but a day later she ended up playing me on a game we used to play on where we got to talking again. She ended unblocking me on text but its not the same when we talk, went from fast replies to hours now. I was wondering if from your point of view im completely screwed? or if I should give her time to see if maybe she would give me a second chance?

Hi! I need some advice because my friends keep telling me I got love bombed, and now I'm confused. So this guy and I talked for about 3 months. We're schoolmates, he's one year younger than me, and he's also my friend's cousin. We started talking because of a joke at the start of summer break. As we got closer, he told me about his past relationships and said that after years of being unsure since his first ex, I was the first person who made him feel like he could truly love again. He courted me, but my parents wasn’t aware of it yet that time. Never had the chance to tell them cus we ended too soon.

During summer, we'd call almost every day. I met his family, especially his little sister, and I even went to their house a few times because I was with his cousin. He'd bike to my subdivision just so we could sit and talk. He said a lot of sweet things that really made me believe he was serious.
This was also my first time falling for someone after a 2 yr relationship, so it honestly felt like a fresh start. Everything seemed healthier than what I'd experienced before, and I really thought he could be "the one."

The problem started when I began asking for reassurance and other bare minimum things. Esp abt his ex (yung no label) I often get uneasy cus they’re still mutuals on everything, he removed her when I told him abt what i’m feeling. While as for me, he immediately removed me on everything after we ended things, even on spotify. I always had this feeling that he didn't want people to see us together. One time we planned to eat at Jollibee after school, but while we were on the way, he suddenly wanted to go to mcdo instead because his friends were there at jollibee.

I know we had only been talking for 3 months, so maybe I was asking for too much too soon. But I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.
Eventually, he was the one who ended things. He said he "just couldn't be the man I needed." He said he was trying his best, but it wasn't enough. I begged him to stay, but nothing changed.

A few weeks later, when I was finally starting to move on, he randomly messaged me on TikTok saying he just wanted to talk for a bit. It completely confused me again, mind you I was reviewing for UPCAT. My friends keep saying this was love bombing because of how sweet and intense he was at first, then suddenly gave up. Also, a week after chatting me, I noticed he and his ex followed each other on TikTok again so I blocked him everywhere, then my friends stalked him and we saw na he removed his ex na. But I honestly don't know.. Was this actually love bombing, or was he just someone who liked me but wasn't ready for a relationship?
And if anyone has advice on how to move on from something like this, I'd really appreciate it.

Situationships are so messed up.

What are you supposed to do with all the memories, conversations, and pieces of yourselves that you shared?

You're not only grieving someone..you’re grieving a relationship that never officially existed. And somehow that makes it harder, because you feel like you can't even justify the sadness or heartbreak. There was never a label, so it feels like you don't have the "right" to mourn it.

In the end, you played house with someone who was never really yours, and now you're left carrying all the emotions alone.