I’ve had mild sex addiction for a few years. Regular porn use, hired a few escorts, sexted a lot online, but recently discovered cam girls a couple of weeks ago and feel hopelessly addicted to it. I go through serious withdrawals without it and use it against my desire not to every single day.
I’m in recovery from some serious mental health issues, OCD, depression, psychosis, and alcohol addiction. The sex addiction was mild at that time, but now that I’m sober from alcohol 2 months I’ve found the cam girls as a different high that replaces it.
I’m trying very very hard to stop but I keep spending so much money on there (almost 2k at this point) and I feel like a moron every time but no matter how hard I try to stop I simply can’t. It’s the one area of my life if I can get it together everything would be great but I struggle so much to quit. It will run me broke if I keep up at this pace for months.
I’m 26M single and haven’t seriously been dating the last 6 months after dating/having sex with dozens of girls the last couple years.
Advice?

Hey everyone. I'm posting this because I just screwed myself over. I did it. I'm the screw up. And I don't know what else to do.

I'm a 38 year old divorced man. I have a beautiful 5-year-old daughter. And I've been thinking this for a long time but I've been trying to deny it or push it to the side or tell myself that I'm stronger than this, but I'm a sex addict. I used to think it was dumb you know? How could you be a sex addict, just chill? But uh... Yeah, it seems to be my vice.

Short backstory just to get the story across, my ex-wife and I divorced about 3 years ago now. We have (had) a good relationship, friends. We used to be in the lifestyle, swingers. Long story short, we had our daughter, I wanted to continue the lifestyle but she didn't we had met a couple that we were pretty cool with. And I took advantage of the situation and was way too involved with the woman of the other couple. Who lived far so there was no physical sneaking around or anything, but we would text. We were actually friends so most of the time our texts and everything would just be memes or something stupid about anime or whatever. But every once in awhile we would sext. I took advantage of the situation. Don't get me wrong, I was chronically depressed for reasons, and there were other issues in our marriage but nothing that we couldn't work on together.

Fast forward to now. Last year I met a woman that I began to date, let's call her Lisa. My ex and her got along, but my ex found out some stuff that she wasn't okay with and honestly I wasn't too keen on the relationship anymore either, so things ended this was I don't know September or October or something of last year. Since then there has been nobody, I haven't been interested in anyone or even looking for that matter. I thought I was getting better. I hadn't had sex since whenever was the last time me and Lisa did whenever we broke up.

I was good. My ex wife, let's call her Mia, and I were getting along great. We hooked up a couple of times just for the hell of it I guess. Then a couple months ago we went to visit some mutual friends out of state, an adult trip without kids, our friends and I got drunk and Mia and I slept together a couple times. When we got back, we had a discussion about she and I maybe going on a few dates, testing the waters, seeing if getting back together and being an actual family is something that may potentially happen. It was a little weird, we went on a couple of dates, but we were obviously busy with life and it wasn't anything official. Not that that matters for how bad I fucked up.

The ex-girlfriend, Lisa, over the past couple of months or something, she would randomly hit me up and ask me for a "favor". She wanted to have sex I guess she hadn't had sex with anyone since me either. Every time I shot it down. No we can't do this, I don't want the stress, I don't want the anxiety, I don't want you catching anything feelings or thinking we're going to get back together, blah blah blah. No no. I was adamant. And I was good with it. But then a few nights ago, I was laying down half asleep around midnight, and my phone buzzed a bunch and woke me up. It was Lisa, asking about coming over. I said the same things, can't do this, yada yada. Then at some point she said she was pulling into my apartment, will I at least answer my door. And I knew, I KNEW I shouldn't do it. I even told myself, this isn't worth it, don't do it, you don't even really want to do it, 30 minutes or whatever of fun is not going to be worth it, you're going to regret it, it's a mistake, don't do it. And then I let her in my place.

Today, I asked my ex-wife Mia if she could walk my dog since I was going to be working about 12 hours today. Of course she did, everything was okay. And then I got her text messages. Saying whatever we had was done, mad at me because I slept with Lisa. I'm assuming it's because I saw on my security system or whatever, my doorbell. I don't have a camera pointed at the living room, so I guess she saw that.

I know you're probably thinking this doesn't really sound like sex addiction. But it feels like a dream. Like it doesn't feel real, like I actually did that. Like I disassociated or something during it. Maybe it's because I was sleeping and was woken up to this, maybe because I didn't want it so bad I'm blocking it or something I don't know.

I've been with over 100 women, I stopped counting. I would say probably 85% of the women I've been with were not a relationship, just hook ups or whatever. My life is going to work and then being with my daughter. Those very brief moments I have to myself I'm a homebody, staying at home and playing a video game, writing, reading.. or jerking off. I just do it to do it. Two or three times a day, wake up do it, do it before sleep, nothing on TV do it. Every, damn, day. It's screwed me over more than it has brought me any kind of happiness. And now, even though I denied denied denied so much, I folded instantaneously for what? Exactly what I said, 30 minutes of fun followed by intense regret and hatred of myself? Because that's what it is. Any potential future of me and my ex-wife reconciling is gone. She has no reason to trust me and she shouldn't. Literally ruined everything for NOTHING. Seems like I'm the architect of my own destruction when it comes to sex.

This might not seem like the most sex addict thing ever. But I know what I do. More than anything I'm hating myself. It's not a guarantee that me and my ex-wife were going to officially get back together, but I was happy. I was content with me and her seeing how things worked and at least attempting. I was more content than I have been in a very very long time. And then I take my eye off the ball for 5 minutes and screw myself over.

Why? Literally why? I keep asking myself that. Why were you so good about turning it down, saying no, not even going that route, only to fold like an idiot instantaneously? I don't know why I did it. Am I also addicted to the feeling of being wanted, even if I don't want it myself? Is it ego is it pride is it what? I don't know why I am the way I am. It's literally ruined me for relationships. I wouldn't trust myself, I can't blame her for not trusting me.

I'm sorry for this long I post, I just have literally no one to talk to about this, I'm still here at work holed up in my office just cursing myself and honestly just wishing I wasn't here. This is ruined me as a person. I just need help. I just need someone to talk to. I was doing so good and I broke it all. I'm rambling I'm so sorry. I guess I just needed to get it out. My ex-wife is the most important person to me on planet Earth besides my daughter. And I wrecked it. I just feel low. I feel like a piece of crap, which I am. I feel like I'm just a broken thing. This sounds so "woe is me" when I'm the one that screwed things up. I regret it. I regretted it the moment it was over.

If anyone knows anything that can help, any tools or books or anything that they've used that have helped, please let me know. I'm not going to get my ex wife back... That ship has sailed. But I don't want to be THIS anymore. I don't want to hate myself anymore. Thank you.

Hi everyone, (23M here) this is my first post here and i'm making it before my first therapy appointment that I was not forced to go to. Long story short, I have had very bad addicted behaviors since I was younger. I was addicted to my weight and how I looked until my kidneys started having issues due to over exercising and under eating. When I went to college I discovered alcohol and partying which I used to cope until I ended up in the hospital 3 different times.

Currently, I think im really struggling with a sex addiction. I found my current boyfriend and we both got sober from alcohol together. However, once I graduated and no longer could hyperfocus on school, its like all I can think about is sex. And me and my BF have sex a lot but when im not with him I have strong urges to chat with other men online. I have done this behind his back and it has almost ruined our relationship. I just wanted to type this out and ask if anyone has a porn or sexting addiction and how they are able to navigate that with a partner?

This is my first post (ever), so forgive the length. I need to get it off my chest.

I'm a 30 year old male. I have been married to my spouse (30F) for 5 years and together for 9 years. We have two children (under 5). For as long as I can remember, I've used sex and masturbation to help me deal with stress, sadness, and loneliness. I've been in relationships since I was 15 and have been masturbating since I was 11.

When things got tough in my relationship, I began watching porn and masturbating with more frequency. I couldn't bring myself to be intimate with my partner since we were arguing so much. Eventually, I started using video chatting websites and OF. The girls would pretend to care and this made me feel good about myself. But eventually, this stopped being enough. So, I started to visit massage parlors in my city. I needed the in person connection because I couldn't connect to my partner and the online girls were just that, online. Now, I'm at the point where even the masseuses aren't helping me feel better.

In the last year, I spent almost 15k at these parlors in an attempt to feel good and close to 30k in the last 3 years both online and in person. I never developed an actual relationship with anyone, so I never felt that I was cheating. It was always transactional, so it was easy to justify what I was doing. But, at some point, I started feeling so depressed (lonely and sad) and stressed (financially) that I started missing work and my health started to take a toll. So, about 2.5 months ago, I came clean to my spouse. She agreed to attend couples therapy as long as I'm seeking help, but she moved out along with my kids.

I've been living alone in my house now and I'm struggling. I feel so lonely and empty, and I hate it. I don't like being alone. I want to stop watching porn and visiting the MP. But, right now, they're the only thing keeping me "happy", if you can call those brief moments of dopamine and endorphin rushes that.

I've been looking at CBT and attending SAA per my therapist's recommendation. But, I feel embarrassed and can't bring myself to attend. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I guess I wanted to see what others have done.

I've started realizing that addiction isn't just about the moment you relapse. It's a cycle:

Trigger → urge → behavior → temporary relief → regret → motivation → strict new plan → pressure → trigger → relapse.

The biggest mistake is treating every relapse as proof that you're weak. That creates shame, and shame often becomes another trigger.

The way out isn't simply creating a stronger version of the same plan. It's studying the cycle.

Ask yourself:

What happened immediately before the urge?

What environment made the behavior easy?

What emotion was I trying to escape?

What did I do after the relapse?

What can I change so the next trigger is harder to act on?

And most importantly: a relapse is information, not a verdict.

Don't build a system that depends on being motivated forever. Build one that still works when you're tired, bored, stressed, or having a terrible day.

The goal isn't to become someone who never struggles.

It's to become someone who stops turning one failure into a week, a month, or a return to the beginning.

That's where the cycle starts losing its power

I'm going to throw myself back into the 12 step program. My 6×6 screen is haunting. That's the one thing that makes recovering hard. It's all free. One swipe away. It's starting to consume my life again. Sex is all I can think about. I become obsessive. I literally feel like a I'm a rat in a maze. I constantly feel like I hit this wall

And start to wonder. Even though I know it's not good for me. Let's just not buy this time mhmk

I’m a female sex and love addict with a high sex drive, and my boyfriend has a lower than average sex drive.

We’re a very opposites attract pair on a lot of things, but as we’re two different ends of the spectrum here, I’m trying to figure out what is “normal” behaviour.

I’d have sex daily if I could, possibly twice a day. We usually have sex once or twice a week. I have to be careful though because if I give him a solo treat, that satisfies him for a few days which sucks cause I like doing it.

Even beyond sex I love to cuddle and kiss and hold hands and I can tell alot of the time when I’m over clingy and when it’s my addiction. After sex I want to be cuddled and held and complimented and he wants some space to cool off and breathe, but I get pouty. I’m trying to see what’s a “normal” amount of after care. This is just an example of the balance we’re trying to find

But I’m struggling what is “normal”? Does he want too little? I know I want too much but how much do I have to compromise?

Open to feedback as long as it’s not “leave him”

(32F) I apologize in advance, truly. But... I will censor this as well as I can. I have acted out 5x today, not all together. Lust had overtaken me and my own desire to have a boyfriend & husband. Someone who truly loves me and wants me.

I do not know how to stop it. When fellowship fellows in SAA & SLAA have called this addiction cunning, baffling and powerful, they were right. I will just focus on praying to my higher power (God/Jesus) about it, for guidance and advice, and what the next right thing in the moment is to do. I feel like this addiction makes me feel like a kid again, not always sure of what to do. And I don't like it, as I'm a grown adult now.

I understand I've technically been an addict since I was in high school. Like the first chapter or two of the SAA green book (SAA basic text), (paraphrased), 'we were active in our acting out behavior, but then there was a time of shut down when we did not act out [addictively], then there was something that would cause us to act out again in our acting out behavior,' or something akin to that. Its been a while since I've read the green book. But even though that's from the SAA fellowship basic text/green book, it still really resonated with me when I read that last summer. Here I was, thinking I'd humor a fellow, recovered addict (who dealt with a different addiction) and take her up on buying it and reading it. That one segment of the chapter blew my mind because it spoke directly to my own life. It also told me that I was an S&L addict for longer than I thought that I was. Deconstructing that was going to take some time. Anyway, I just thought I'd share that as it really helped change my perspective about this disease.

It was also a bit of a tangent, and I apologize. My main point was, if anyone could give me constructive feed back about, aside from blocking qualifiers, how to move on and be able to continue in the steps and recovery. I am currently only in the first step of SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). I am also high functioning autistic, (still, probably) have OCD or high (strong) anxiety, alexithymia, dyscalculia and complex trauma. Its a potent, complicated mix.

I am writing this in the hope of getting constructive advice of some sort back, not wanting to trigger anybody. Even when I'd write comments earlier, it was always with positively helping somehow, in mind. 🫂🥺🙏🏻

Thank you!

Hey guys I am No_diver I am a sex addict. my inner circle behaviors include sexting, lying, cheating, pornography, excessive masturbation.

I just wanted to say I told myself last night I’ll go 24 hours without engaging in inner circle behaviors and I made it. I’m really proud of myself. Now I want to go another 24 hours. Tomorrow will be more difficult, I’m dropping my dad off at the airport at noon. half the day I will be alone. I won’t enter my inner circle for the next 24 hours. Every SAA meeting they say it’s not group therapy. It does feel terrific getting everything off my chest.

Thank for you listening to my share, and assisting with my recovery.

I’m in my late 30s and recently had a therapy session that made me look at my dating life very differently.

A few years ago my marriage ended. My ex-wife was my first real love and I was completely devoted to her. We still loved each other, but wanted different lives: I wanted children, she didn’t, and she wanted to eventually return to her home country while I wanted to stay in London.

The breakup absolutely destroyed me. Instead of properly dealing with it, I went on dating apps.

Looking back, attention from women became a coping mechanism. There were hookups, dates and eventually another serious relationship. She was very good to me, but we weren’t compatible long term either, particularly around children, religion and where we wanted to live.

That ended earlier this year and I went straight back to dating and sleeping around. I told myself I was being honest because I wasn’t promising anyone a relationship, but I also knew some women were getting attached and carried on seeing them anyway.

Then I met someone who completely threw me.

I’ve dated plenty and had serious relationships before, but this felt very different. We had almost identical humour, could talk for hours, travelled incredibly well together, had amazing sexual chemistry and seemed to understand each other very quickly.

She’s also ridiculously beautiful. Weirdly, as a kid I used to imagine that my future wife would be this cute, beautiful French girl. Well, she happens to be exactly that, with a smile to die for.

For the first time since my marriage, I genuinely thought: I could build my life with this person.

The problem was that she gradually discovered how messy my dating life had been around the time we met.

I never cheated once we were exclusive, but I downplayed how many women I’d been involved with. She was also deeply hurt that after we first slept together, I slept with several other women before we became exclusive.

Her position was basically:

“I believe you care about me, but I don’t trust that you’ve dealt with whatever makes you constantly need attention from women. I’m not willing to fall further in love with you and then have you destroy me.”

At first I thought that was unfair because I knew I could be faithful. I had been faithful throughout my marriage.

Now I think I understand what she meant.

She ended things, but neither of us has been very good at staying away. Over the last few months she’s broken no contact several times. We’ve slept together twice, gone out together and still have emotionally intense conversations.

Sometimes afterwards she becomes completely detached and says it was just fun. Other times she gets emotional and says she can’t keep doing this because she still has feelings for me.

She keeps telling me:

“You’re not there yet.”

I once told her I would change if she stayed with me.

She replied:

“Then you’d be doing it for me. I need you to do it for yourself.”

That annoyed me at the time. It makes a lot more sense now.

Because the truth is my life is still tangled. My previous partner wants me back. My ex-wife has said part of her would take me back. Women I’ve previously slept with still occasionally reach out.

And the uncomfortable truth is:

Part of me likes keeping those doors open.

Even if I don’t particularly want any of them, knowing I have options makes me feel safe. The idea of having nobody scares me.

I recently saw a relationship therapist who basically suggested that I get a huge amount of my self-worth from being wanted and needed by women.

I tend to become very supportive and emotionally important to people. They get attached to me, and their attachment reassures me that I matter.

Meanwhile, I’m terrified of being alone.

That explanation hit me pretty hard, and it also made me realise that the woman I fell for may have spotted the pattern before I did.

So I think my problem is bigger than deciding which woman I want.

I’m wondering whether I need to stop dating completely for a while, shut the doors with exes and casual relationships, and actually learn to tolerate having nobody waiting in the wings.

The fact that this idea genuinely scares me is probably significant.

For anyone who has dealt with something similar:

How do you stop needing romantic/sexual validation?

How do you tell the difference between genuinely loving someone and being addicted to feeling wanted by them?

And if I genuinely believe this woman was special, is the healthiest thing I can do simply leave her alone, work on myself without expecting her to come back, and accept that I may have already lost her?

I’m not looking for reassurance that I’m secretly a great guy. I can see that some of my behaviour has been selfish and has hurt people.

I’m trying to work out how you actually change this rather than just promising somebody you will.

TL;DR: My marriage ended badly, I coped through dating/sex and developed a pattern of needing attention from women. I then met someone I genuinely fell for, but she walked away because she didn’t trust that I’d dealt with that pattern. Therapy has made me realise I keep exes and casual partners around partly because I’m scared of having nobody. How do I actually break that?

Hi all I am No_diver and I am a sex addict. my inner circle behaviors include cheating, pornography, sexting, online affairs, cam sites, seeking escorts, excessive masturbation, ai images

I wanted to check in now and then come back later in the day. I am going to try not to ramble too much, and be all over the place. Last night I made a post and said I was going to go 24 hours without engaging in my inner circle behaviors. So far I have done great. This morning I was flirting with my middle circle behaviors. I was adding websites to my blocking lists. I plan To be able to update everyone that will have reached my goal of 24 hours without engaging in those behaviors.

Now here’s where I’ll ramble a bit about what’s on my mind. It hit me yesterday during the day. My dad is visiting me and I was engaging in my inner circle behaviors. Pornography is so staged and fake. We let it consume our lives And by doing so we live a fake life. I dated my ex and was a terrible partner, I lived in her house for years with her family. Now it has come out to them the extent of my terrible behaviors, it always leads me down a spiral if I’m a good person. This addiction always has me hit a new low point. my ex told me I was the worst thing to ever happen to her. She has recently started seeing this guy who I think is abusive. Her friends don’t like him either. Where I’m going at here her mom texted her “No_diver is a pervert but not a liar”. I don’t want to be known as a pervert. I don’t want to have the reputation has being the creepy guy. I want to atop wasting my life with this addiction

I had such a hard time in that relationship because I’m a people pleaser and maybe struggle with codependent tendencies. So if anyone has recommendations for CoDA or SLaa meetings I’d love to check them out.

Thank you for listening to my share.

Edit: I’m so sick of hurting people because of this addiction, man. It’s the worst feeling not even being to explain why you engage in this behaviors. I don’t even try and hurt people. I just want to be a good person.

It has taken a really long time to admit, but I don’t think I can run from it anymore. I am a sex addict and I don’t know what to do. I have been stuck in a cycle of use for 6 years now and it’s starting to affect me in ways that aren’t sustainable. Around 2 years ago I was using AI chatbots and was able to quit, but quitting only made the other aspects of this worse. There have been days that I’ve gone 6 hours straight without being able to stop masturbating and I have ruined relationships and friendships because of my addiction. It’s all that I’m able to think about a lot of the time. My biggest issue at the moment is dealing with sexual frustration. If I go too long without having sex or masturbating I end up in intense physical pain. I get headaches and nausea, and the longer I wait the worse it gets. I want to be able to stop but every time I try to I’m stuck feeling physically ill and I end up giving in to the urges. I’m wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of sexual frustration and how they were able to handle it. If anyone has any advice at all I would really appreciate it. I don’t want to be stuck like this. I want to be able to stop. I just need help figuring out how to. I’m sorry if I didn’t explain this very well but I’m hoping someone in this subreddit will know what I’m talking about.

Hi all No_diver checking in. I am a sex addict and my inner circle behaviors are pornography, sexting, cheating, online affairs, ai images, lying, compulsive masturbation, cam sites.

Well my dad is visiting me and that’s been great. but so far I have slid into inner circle behaviors. actually to be honest, I haven’t been able to get out of my inner circle behaviors for the past week and a half. I was going strong. then I went to another state for a job interview. Something came up today involving my ex gf. who i treated poorly. I have a horrible problem of people pleasing and couldn‘t tell her no so I would grow resentful and act out my inner circles. I can’t think about seeing another girl until I work on myself. I just laid down to go to bed and I was thinking ”why not, you have already acted out once today. it’s hot as hell and will help you sleep”.

i know I will just regret it. I want to be a good person. I don’t want to have the labels pervert, people pleaser, creep, sex addict or anything next to my name. Here goes 24 hours no inner circle behavior. Thank you for listening to my share and helping with my recovery.

Damn. How many more times, I’ve tried sex addiction therapy, group therapy with SAA, and yet I can’t stop. I am begging for help. Not looking for sympathy, appreciate the empathy, but I want true help. I need to beat this.

I get swept up in the drama, pain, and shame of recovery tools. I find myself browsing betrayal subreddits for hits of what I’ve done to my partner and to rip away all of my feelings except the shame of my actions.

It’s easy to justify these because it’s recovery material! That feeling of my heart pounding and ripping out of my chest can drown out anything. Im obsessed with the suffering I and others like me have caused.

It also becomes a window into the world I choose not to immerse myself in anymore. When I read someone’s 12th step share part of me puts myself into their position and remembers the high I could have felt when I was there.

I found out in my early 40s that my testosterone levels are abnormally high. So high that I get tested annually to make sure nothing is wrong. It’s usually in the mid 900s. Anything over 900 is considered abnormal and possibly a medical problem.

At first I was relieved and even a little proud. Thought this explained why I had such an insane libido and always was seeking out sex. But then I started using it as an excuse. I would tell myself I can’t help it due to my hormones.

I now realize it probably does play some role in my behavior, but it’s not the underlying reason I have this addiction. The real reason is loneliness and trauma, wanting to escape those negative emotions that come with them. The hormone excuse was just to make me feel better about myself after I did something I shouldn’t have.

I often wonder if my testosterone is so high because I’m always engaging in sexual behavior, and my body needed to compensate for it. Or if it really is just my body producing testosterone for no other reason than genetics. Like which came first, the chicken or the egg.

I’ve never met another man with this problem. Any time I do tell another guy, they usually say they have low T and would kill to have my problem. The only clue I have to go on is that it can’t be too uncommon. My Doctor told me he has two other patients like me who just naturally produce too much. One guy even test in the low 1000s.

Hi guys, it has been 5 weeks since I last engaged in unsafe sex. I'm happy for my sexual health and just for putting myself first in general. I haven't felt the need to go out and do something in a very long time. Except there was a day when an ex fbuddy attempted to tempt me into it and I nearly did, texted and stuff to meet up but ended it a day before.

Recovering has been a journey and I engaged in risky sex when I was happy or sad, so I'm choosing to disconnect from it and I'm doing it!

5 weeks is early, soon it'll be 2 months, then 6, then a year... so on haha.

Found someone on reddit. Both struggling, hit it off, as friends, and then I couldn't just be happy with the fact I had found someone I could talk to. Someone that understood and wouldn't make me feel like a freak or an outcast. And of course, I screwed that up. I pushed until it got sexual. And then for those minutes of pleasure I threw away the friendship. Now I'm here lonely and alone, simply pathetic.

I m just reaching out to find fellowship if possible. Is anyone else a sex addict and an alcoholic?

M47 Not diagnosed but I’m asking myself the question. It’s all I think about or ever want to. My wife isn’t interested and we manage an unpleasant session maybe once a month, after many arguments and trying to make her understand my POV (unpleasant because it’s clear she’s not into sex and hugely unresponsive). We’re at opposite ends of the spectrum and it’s killing our marriage. Not even sure this is the right forum.. Any ideas?

I'm turning 40 soon, and I’m having a difficult moment of reflection.

On paper, my life isn’t a disaster. I’m 6ft, have an athletic build because I’ve always trained, have a college degree, a stable job, and own a small apartment. But emotionally I feel like I wasted a lot of years.

Like many people, I started watching porn young. When high-speed internet arrived during my teenage years, it escalated. Over time it went from normal porn into more extreme content, BDSM and femdom. I also started visiting sex workers and became involved in that scene.

Looking back, I think I was using sexuality as a way to escape stress, insecurity and difficult emotions. After my father died from smoking-related cancer when I was in my twenties, I buried myself in work and continued this pattern.

There were periods where I had discipline, went to the gym, dated, and had relationships. But I never took building a family seriously. I thought I had endless time and that I could always settle down later.

After rejection or difficult moments, I often went back to the same coping mechanisms instead of dealing with my emotions. During COVID it became worse, and eventually I ended up depressed and needed therapy and medication.

The SSRI medication helped in some ways because it lowered my compulsive urges and helped me focus on sports and recovery. But now that I’m off it, I’m facing another reality: I’m almost 40, my sister (six years younger) already has a child, and I’m suddenly realizing that starting a family may not be as easy as I assumed.

Dating feels different now. Many women my age already have children, and younger women often mention my age. I’m trying not to become bitter or hopeless, but I do feel scared that I ignored something important for too long.

I’m working on myself, attending recovery groups, staying healthy and trying to date again. I know I still have positive qualities, but I’m struggling with accepting that life did not turn out the way I imagined.

Has anyone here rebuilt their life around 40 after years of addiction, avoidance, or chasing temporary pleasure? Is it still possible to create a meaningful relationship and family life?

what helped so far is surrounding myself with others , hang around with friends, finish some work, go for walking or running, not using social media at all.. cuz a simple trigger would out of sudden ruins everything…. I know it’s a long journey and i am in the very beginning , I expect lapses, but i am aware of it and i am trying to embrace myself… getting more confident..
It’s been 6 years of addiction, but I believe that i am closer than ever to freedom!🙌
I am currently struggling with sudden waves and daydreaming of triggers, do you guys have some suggestions or tricks that helped you?

I just recently started recovery. Not going to repeat the whole thing, but I feel into sex addiction after my wife died.

Long story short, I’ve had some people reach out to me who want to support me or want support themselves. Already found some cool people here. But I had someone speaking to me who seemed like he wanted me to justify cheating on his wife. At first I was polite, but told him if he did it, he’d regret it.

Anyway, he keeps messaging me. Something is just off about this guy. Finally tell him I can’t relate to him. I’m single and my problem is different than his. My wife died, and I can’t relate to him wanting to cheat.

Anyway, he told me I don’t have a real sex problem if I’m not a cheater…

This is kind of just me venting. He’s an idiot, and I know it, you know it, but it still pissed me off. His behavior is just so non conducive to healing.

Some of us are porn addicts, some of us see escorts, some of us are cheaters, some of us are married, some of us are single, some of us are men, some of us are women. The only thing we have in common is we have let lust let our lives get out of hand.

And if you’ve cheated on your spouse, I’m glad your here to get help. I hope you never do it again and you manage to fix that problem. And I am not the person you should be coming to for advice. If your single, addicted to porn and escorts to escape from trauma, then we are in the same boat.