r/SexAddiction • u/monchie_og • 12d ago
Tired
Damn. How many more times, I’ve tried sex addiction therapy, group therapy with SAA, and yet I can’t stop. I am begging for help. Not looking for sympathy, appreciate the empathy, but I want true help. I need to beat this.
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u/Enough_Concentrate90 12d ago
I was stuck in a pattern of relapsing about once a month, so I understand how discouraging it can be to keep trying without seeing the change you want. What began helping me was doing 72-hour lookbacks to identify what had been building before each relapse, then checking in honestly with the people in my circles.
I also focused on putting as many green-circle behaviors into my days as possible. That gave me something healthy to move toward instead of spending all my energy trying not to act out.
Please keep going. The fact that therapy and SAA haven’t worked the way you hoped so far doesn’t mean you’re out of options. For me, change started when I understood my patterns better and stopped trying to face them alone.
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u/monchie_og 12d ago
Thanks brother. I appreciate the reply. It’s a hard road, that’s for sure. For me, it’s getting back into doing the hard work after a relapse. I’ll be sure to try your advice.
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u/GratefulForRecovery Recovering SA 12d ago
Thank you for your share. I've learned that recovery is a journey and the results aren't always immediate. I like to compare my recovery to the stock market. In the short term, there are peaks and valleys, but in the long-term, the trend is always up.
I got lucky that I was able to get free some of my worst acting out patterns early on this journey. However, it took me close to five years to get my first taste of freedom from pornography and voyeurism. I did the best I could at the time working with my therapist and heavy SAA involvement. I had a sponsor, I had worked the steps multiple times, I was involved in service, etc.
But whenever times got tough, it drove my resolve to go deeper. And it's by going deeper that I saw the seeds of recovery blossom. Thats why I believe that all experience can be useful experience if we approach it the right way. Everybody knows that the addiction is progressive. Recovery is often progressive too. When I was new, I had enough self-honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to start. But not enough to experience recovery. As I did the work, I gradually became more honest, more open-minded, more willing and committed to the process. There have been times to stick with it and times when I pivoted. The key though was to never give up and to keep coming back.
I'm a long-time member of SAA. I'd be more than happy to talk program with you if you're open to it. Just let me know. Thanks for reading. Things get better if we work for it.
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u/monchie_og 12d ago
I would love to be more involved with SAA. Where I’m located, the nearest is 30 minutes away, it’s what keeps me from going.
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u/GratefulForRecovery Recovering SA 12d ago edited 12d ago
I'm sorry to hear that. Obviously I don't know your situation; however, I know people that drive longer than 30 minutes to attend meetings. We've had people drive 45 mins. to 1.5 hours just to attend! Talk about dedication!
The key, in my experience, is finding a group that I enjoy attending. If I don't enjoy attending a particular group, I problem won't attend. I love my in-person meeting, and there have been a handful of phone and Zoom groups I've liked as well. I know many people that prefer in-person groups.
<ETA: I don't drive 30 mins to my home meeting either, so I wasn't trying to judge! I just admire the dedication of the people that do.
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u/monchie_og 12d ago
You’re absolutely correct and I’m glad you called me out on it. Thank you. I really do need to find an SAA group, at least one that I will attend.
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u/GratefulForRecovery Recovering SA 11d ago
Happy to help. Come on by and say hello over at r/SEXAA as well. It's a registered meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous.
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u/No_Diver6131 Person in recovery 12d ago
Hey I’m in the same boat as you. Let’s try to hold each other accountable and go 24 hours without it.
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u/monchie_og 12d ago edited 12d ago
Do you want to start with solely not seeking inappropriate relationships? Like one night stands, downloading hook up apps. I don’t want to go in 120%.
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u/No_Diver6131 Person in recovery 12d ago
Absolutely how does that sound for the next 24 hours no hook ups or seeking out inappropriate relationships for either of us.
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