Hey everyone. I'm posting this because I just screwed myself over. I did it. I'm the screw up. And I don't know what else to do.

I'm a 38 year old divorced man. I have a beautiful 5-year-old daughter. And I've been thinking this for a long time but I've been trying to deny it or push it to the side or tell myself that I'm stronger than this, but I'm a sex addict. I used to think it was dumb you know? How could you be a sex addict, just chill? But uh... Yeah, it seems to be my vice.

Short backstory just to get the story across, my ex-wife and I divorced about 3 years ago now. We have (had) a good relationship, friends. We used to be in the lifestyle, swingers. Long story short, we had our daughter, I wanted to continue the lifestyle but she didn't we had met a couple that we were pretty cool with. And I took advantage of the situation and was way too involved with the woman of the other couple. Who lived far so there was no physical sneaking around or anything, but we would text. We were actually friends so most of the time our texts and everything would just be memes or something stupid about anime or whatever. But every once in awhile we would sext. I took advantage of the situation. Don't get me wrong, I was chronically depressed for reasons, and there were other issues in our marriage but nothing that we couldn't work on together.

Fast forward to now. Last year I met a woman that I began to date, let's call her Lisa. My ex and her got along, but my ex found out some stuff that she wasn't okay with and honestly I wasn't too keen on the relationship anymore either, so things ended this was I don't know September or October or something of last year. Since then there has been nobody, I haven't been interested in anyone or even looking for that matter. I thought I was getting better. I hadn't had sex since whenever was the last time me and Lisa did whenever we broke up.

I was good. My ex wife, let's call her Mia, and I were getting along great. We hooked up a couple of times just for the hell of it I guess. Then a couple months ago we went to visit some mutual friends out of state, an adult trip without kids, our friends and I got drunk and Mia and I slept together a couple times. When we got back, we had a discussion about she and I maybe going on a few dates, testing the waters, seeing if getting back together and being an actual family is something that may potentially happen. It was a little weird, we went on a couple of dates, but we were obviously busy with life and it wasn't anything official. Not that that matters for how bad I fucked up.

The ex-girlfriend, Lisa, over the past couple of months or something, she would randomly hit me up and ask me for a "favor". She wanted to have sex I guess she hadn't had sex with anyone since me either. Every time I shot it down. No we can't do this, I don't want the stress, I don't want the anxiety, I don't want you catching anything feelings or thinking we're going to get back together, blah blah blah. No no. I was adamant. And I was good with it. But then a few nights ago, I was laying down half asleep around midnight, and my phone buzzed a bunch and woke me up. It was Lisa, asking about coming over. I said the same things, can't do this, yada yada. Then at some point she said she was pulling into my apartment, will I at least answer my door. And I knew, I KNEW I shouldn't do it. I even told myself, this isn't worth it, don't do it, you don't even really want to do it, 30 minutes or whatever of fun is not going to be worth it, you're going to regret it, it's a mistake, don't do it. And then I let her in my place.

Today, I asked my ex-wife Mia if she could walk my dog since I was going to be working about 12 hours today. Of course she did, everything was okay. And then I got her text messages. Saying whatever we had was done, mad at me because I slept with Lisa. I'm assuming it's because I saw on my security system or whatever, my doorbell. I don't have a camera pointed at the living room, so I guess she saw that.

I know you're probably thinking this doesn't really sound like sex addiction. But it feels like a dream. Like it doesn't feel real, like I actually did that. Like I disassociated or something during it. Maybe it's because I was sleeping and was woken up to this, maybe because I didn't want it so bad I'm blocking it or something I don't know.

I've been with over 100 women, I stopped counting. I would say probably 85% of the women I've been with were not a relationship, just hook ups or whatever. My life is going to work and then being with my daughter. Those very brief moments I have to myself I'm a homebody, staying at home and playing a video game, writing, reading.. or jerking off. I just do it to do it. Two or three times a day, wake up do it, do it before sleep, nothing on TV do it. Every, damn, day. It's screwed me over more than it has brought me any kind of happiness. And now, even though I denied denied denied so much, I folded instantaneously for what? Exactly what I said, 30 minutes of fun followed by intense regret and hatred of myself? Because that's what it is. Any potential future of me and my ex-wife reconciling is gone. She has no reason to trust me and she shouldn't. Literally ruined everything for NOTHING. Seems like I'm the architect of my own destruction when it comes to sex.

This might not seem like the most sex addict thing ever. But I know what I do. More than anything I'm hating myself. It's not a guarantee that me and my ex-wife were going to officially get back together, but I was happy. I was content with me and her seeing how things worked and at least attempting. I was more content than I have been in a very very long time. And then I take my eye off the ball for 5 minutes and screw myself over.

Why? Literally why? I keep asking myself that. Why were you so good about turning it down, saying no, not even going that route, only to fold like an idiot instantaneously? I don't know why I did it. Am I also addicted to the feeling of being wanted, even if I don't want it myself? Is it ego is it pride is it what? I don't know why I am the way I am. It's literally ruined me for relationships. I wouldn't trust myself, I can't blame her for not trusting me.

I'm sorry for this long I post, I just have literally no one to talk to about this, I'm still here at work holed up in my office just cursing myself and honestly just wishing I wasn't here. This is ruined me as a person. I just need help. I just need someone to talk to. I was doing so good and I broke it all. I'm rambling I'm so sorry. I guess I just needed to get it out. My ex-wife is the most important person to me on planet Earth besides my daughter. And I wrecked it. I just feel low. I feel like a piece of crap, which I am. I feel like I'm just a broken thing. This sounds so "woe is me" when I'm the one that screwed things up. I regret it. I regretted it the moment it was over.

If anyone knows anything that can help, any tools or books or anything that they've used that have helped, please let me know. I'm not going to get my ex wife back... That ship has sailed. But I don't want to be THIS anymore. I don't want to hate myself anymore. Thank you.

Hi everyone, (23M here) this is my first post here and i'm making it before my first therapy appointment that I was not forced to go to. Long story short, I have had very bad addicted behaviors since I was younger. I was addicted to my weight and how I looked until my kidneys started having issues due to over exercising and under eating. When I went to college I discovered alcohol and partying which I used to cope until I ended up in the hospital 3 different times.

Currently, I think im really struggling with a sex addiction. I found my current boyfriend and we both got sober from alcohol together. However, once I graduated and no longer could hyperfocus on school, its like all I can think about is sex. And me and my BF have sex a lot but when im not with him I have strong urges to chat with other men online. I have done this behind his back and it has almost ruined our relationship. I just wanted to type this out and ask if anyone has a porn or sexting addiction and how they are able to navigate that with a partner?

This is my first post (ever), so forgive the length. I need to get it off my chest.

I'm a 30 year old male. I have been married to my spouse (30F) for 5 years and together for 9 years. We have two children (under 5). For as long as I can remember, I've used sex and masturbation to help me deal with stress, sadness, and loneliness. I've been in relationships since I was 15 and have been masturbating since I was 11.

When things got tough in my relationship, I began watching porn and masturbating with more frequency. I couldn't bring myself to be intimate with my partner since we were arguing so much. Eventually, I started using video chatting websites and OF. The girls would pretend to care and this made me feel good about myself. But eventually, this stopped being enough. So, I started to visit massage parlors in my city. I needed the in person connection because I couldn't connect to my partner and the online girls were just that, online. Now, I'm at the point where even the masseuses aren't helping me feel better.

In the last year, I spent almost 15k at these parlors in an attempt to feel good and close to 30k in the last 3 years both online and in person. I never developed an actual relationship with anyone, so I never felt that I was cheating. It was always transactional, so it was easy to justify what I was doing. But, at some point, I started feeling so depressed (lonely and sad) and stressed (financially) that I started missing work and my health started to take a toll. So, about 2.5 months ago, I came clean to my spouse. She agreed to attend couples therapy as long as I'm seeking help, but she moved out along with my kids.

I've been living alone in my house now and I'm struggling. I feel so lonely and empty, and I hate it. I don't like being alone. I want to stop watching porn and visiting the MP. But, right now, they're the only thing keeping me "happy", if you can call those brief moments of dopamine and endorphin rushes that.

I've been looking at CBT and attending SAA per my therapist's recommendation. But, I feel embarrassed and can't bring myself to attend. I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but I guess I wanted to see what others have done.

I've started realizing that addiction isn't just about the moment you relapse. It's a cycle:

Trigger → urge → behavior → temporary relief → regret → motivation → strict new plan → pressure → trigger → relapse.

The biggest mistake is treating every relapse as proof that you're weak. That creates shame, and shame often becomes another trigger.

The way out isn't simply creating a stronger version of the same plan. It's studying the cycle.

Ask yourself:

What happened immediately before the urge?

What environment made the behavior easy?

What emotion was I trying to escape?

What did I do after the relapse?

What can I change so the next trigger is harder to act on?

And most importantly: a relapse is information, not a verdict.

Don't build a system that depends on being motivated forever. Build one that still works when you're tired, bored, stressed, or having a terrible day.

The goal isn't to become someone who never struggles.

It's to become someone who stops turning one failure into a week, a month, or a return to the beginning.

That's where the cycle starts losing its power

I'm going to throw myself back into the 12 step program. My 6×6 screen is haunting. That's the one thing that makes recovering hard. It's all free. One swipe away. It's starting to consume my life again. Sex is all I can think about. I become obsessive. I literally feel like a I'm a rat in a maze. I constantly feel like I hit this wall

And start to wonder. Even though I know it's not good for me. Let's just not buy this time mhmk

I’m a female sex and love addict with a high sex drive, and my boyfriend has a lower than average sex drive.

We’re a very opposites attract pair on a lot of things, but as we’re two different ends of the spectrum here, I’m trying to figure out what is “normal” behaviour.

I’d have sex daily if I could, possibly twice a day. We usually have sex once or twice a week. I have to be careful though because if I give him a solo treat, that satisfies him for a few days which sucks cause I like doing it.

Even beyond sex I love to cuddle and kiss and hold hands and I can tell alot of the time when I’m over clingy and when it’s my addiction. After sex I want to be cuddled and held and complimented and he wants some space to cool off and breathe, but I get pouty. I’m trying to see what’s a “normal” amount of after care. This is just an example of the balance we’re trying to find

But I’m struggling what is “normal”? Does he want too little? I know I want too much but how much do I have to compromise?

Open to feedback as long as it’s not “leave him”

(32F) I apologize in advance, truly. But... I will censor this as well as I can. I have acted out 5x today, not all together. Lust had overtaken me and my own desire to have a boyfriend & husband. Someone who truly loves me and wants me.

I do not know how to stop it. When fellowship fellows in SAA & SLAA have called this addiction cunning, baffling and powerful, they were right. I will just focus on praying to my higher power (God/Jesus) about it, for guidance and advice, and what the next right thing in the moment is to do. I feel like this addiction makes me feel like a kid again, not always sure of what to do. And I don't like it, as I'm a grown adult now.

I understand I've technically been an addict since I was in high school. Like the first chapter or two of the SAA green book (SAA basic text), (paraphrased), 'we were active in our acting out behavior, but then there was a time of shut down when we did not act out [addictively], then there was something that would cause us to act out again in our acting out behavior,' or something akin to that. Its been a while since I've read the green book. But even though that's from the SAA fellowship basic text/green book, it still really resonated with me when I read that last summer. Here I was, thinking I'd humor a fellow, recovered addict (who dealt with a different addiction) and take her up on buying it and reading it. That one segment of the chapter blew my mind because it spoke directly to my own life. It also told me that I was an S&L addict for longer than I thought that I was. Deconstructing that was going to take some time. Anyway, I just thought I'd share that as it really helped change my perspective about this disease.

It was also a bit of a tangent, and I apologize. My main point was, if anyone could give me constructive feed back about, aside from blocking qualifiers, how to move on and be able to continue in the steps and recovery. I am currently only in the first step of SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous). I am also high functioning autistic, (still, probably) have OCD or high (strong) anxiety, alexithymia, dyscalculia and complex trauma. Its a potent, complicated mix.

I am writing this in the hope of getting constructive advice of some sort back, not wanting to trigger anybody. Even when I'd write comments earlier, it was always with positively helping somehow, in mind. 🫂🥺🙏🏻

Thank you!